Friendship House Newsletter: Fill & Download for Free

My husband had died two years before. After 41 years of a beautiful marriage, I did not want to be greedy. I told myself that I had all the love I would ever need.I was writing a lot, and even getting my grief and healing pieces published in the hospice newsletter and the senior care agency website.I was heading into my third year alone. I was getting used to it, welcoming the winter that would bury me again for awhile, letting the upcoming dark season define me. It was becoming a safe place.But I struggled with the opposing feelings of wanting to open my life to the future, where not everything I thought and felt was defined by the life I had lost.As New Year approached and the social pressure to find “closure” was on, I believed that something was wrong with me. All the proliferating advice insisted that the timetable of grief was your own, don’t surrender to expectations imposed by others.But could I trust myself to find my own path forward?No. Don’t push yourself into unchartered waters where the unknown and malevolent future lay in wait, pouncing on you with even more challenges that could break you. In the past, change only meant heartache, sights I never wanted to see again. More change, with its lack of guarantees, felt shaky at best, even dangerous.In an effort to throw myself into a “normal” world where I could relate to people on some other plane, I joined a literature/philosophy discussion group. Maybe the long ago Barrie, the one who loved to read, learn, delve, was still a part of me, and could come to my aid.At the third meeting, a member of the group singled me out and we went on a serendipitous date—my first in 45 years at the age of 71.After I came back from a planned visit to my daughter in New York, he asked me to accompany him to a local theater performance. Diving into cultural pursuits appealed to me, a positive goal to get me through the next several days.Before the show, we walked around the exhibit in the lobby gallery, commenting here and there about the paintings, mostly from a local art school.We briefly spoke about my adult stepson who lives with me. My date had met him when he picked me up at my house. “I think it would be nice if I got to know him, ”I surely took in the generosity of that statement, so unexpected, so kind, so dear.I felt a pang of recognition, that this is what healing could feel like, letting in the offer of friendship to someone because they were close to me.It was close to curtain time. I hooked my arm through his, feeling the leather grain of his winter jacket against my sleeve. His body language suggested “keep it there and stay with me, it feels nice to me too.”I’m not saying I fell in love at that moment, but a veil lifted from me, an invisible layer that I had brought along to protect me…..but it departed from the room without protest.We walked together into the small theater—no more than an average-sized room painted totally black with a platform one step up for the stage—and took our seats in one of the five rows. We were not even at the point in our relationship where we held hands.Sitting in the darkness, I sensed that I would emerge on a clearer path this very day. I challenged the hold that grief had on me by simply allowing myself to reach out for David’s supporting arm.When the lights came on, I squinted briefly at the brightness, then looked all around me to take in the changed world that would be mine.

My fellow graduates.The past four years have been average in the moment but amazing in hindsight.I got to know a lot of you. Some too much. Others too little, but things will even out when we ignore each others texts in a few years.After this ceremony we’ll be told by loved ones the world is “our oyster” and everyone should “watch out” for all the waves we make in our respective industries.I beg to differ. The oyster still belongs to generational wealth beneficiaries and politicians. The only “waves” we’ll be making in the foreseeable future is when we order a box of donuts for the office just to get some recognition.But don’t get discouraged. Some will go on to have amazing careers. Others will bounce around from job to job waiting for “the one opportunity” that never shows.Some of us will make a lot of money, but be empty inside. Others will live by the skin of our teeth and be happier than a fat kid at the buffet. Truth is there’s no direct correlation between money and happiness. Regardless of what hippies or bankers tell ya.You can have money and be fulfilled in the same way you can be broke and miserable. I suggest you get rid of bad habits now cause they tend to cement as you settle into mid life.The problem with college is it feels like a party that’ll never end. But the conclusion is harsh and swift. The lights come on and we’re to left to do some self examination.If I were god, everyone would reach their goals and live precisely how they envisioned in their youth. That would be ideal. But things rarely workout how we want them to. Which is why you have to hold tight the things that do. A significant other, a hobby, a friendship.We live atop a house of cards. Our reality can be altered by the trappings and horrors of modern life. Success is important, but it shouldn’t reign supreme. Cultivating a life you’re proud to experience is paramount.To hell with comparisons against neighbors and colleagues.To hell with getting featured in the alumni newsletter.To hell with people’s attempts at steering your ship as they watch ashore.Congrats on completing the work and passing your courses, but there’s more to it. You can tell how educated a man is by how often he gets schooled. I hope you’ve been paying attention.

She wanted to know what I was doing 24/7.I’ll create a short list of the things that annoyed me to the point I just HAD to severe the friendship.Always came to our house unnanounced - Every single day she would come to our house. I liked hanging out with friends, especially in my own home (since I’m very introverted) where I’m comfortable… Until I met her. It got to the point where I would send my siblings to answer the door and make up a lie- “oh, sorry she’s not home” or “she’s sleeping” or SOMETHING TO GET HER AWAY.She has no respect for privacy or personal space - Now I value my privacy AND personal space very dearly. If you cross that line then that’s a major “I don’t like you”. I had a stack of art books that I didn’t allow ANYONE to look in because it had very personal art AND writing inside them. I used them when I was going through a very tough time. Every time she came over she bugged me to look inside, and it was always followed by a “no”. On one occasion I was sleeping and when I woke up she was sitting on my bed FLIPPING THROUGH MY ART BOOKS. My mum answered the door and let her in, not realising I was asleep. Why the hell didn’t she immediately leave when she saw that I was asleep?! It angers me thinking about it. Another occasion I was relaxing in a nice hot bath after a long game of softball when I realised she was sitting on a chair on the other side of the door trying to talk to me. Like seriously!? I’m trying to have a frickin bath! This isn’t a time to gossip! At one point she even asked if she could come in and talk because it was hard to hear me, of course NOT. Scram!She acted like a total narcissist - when I was still pretty crap at drawing, out of nowhere she would always push her artwork right in my face and say “wow I think I’m like 10x better than you cause on all your drawings I can always see the eraser lines- yikes!” I really aspired to be an artist so that really hurt me, especially when it was coming from my “best friend”. Even when I was sick and she’d try to come over, she would say “well I’ve had way worse and I can still talk to MY friends!” Well good for you. She’d Also pull the “I almost died when I was born” card which made NO SENSE. How does one compare that to having a flu!? Mind boggling! All she wanted to do was talk about herself! If I dare tried to say how I did better at something she would get all cranky and rant on about me being ungrateful.She would ALWAYS call - I’m happy with just texting, in fact, I’d rather text than talk because I express more in texts. But she didn’t care. She would ring right in the middle of us texting a conversation (and it wouldn’t even be important, just stuff about school?) and if I answered she would draaaaaaag it on. After I told her I REALLY need to go she would say “ok, but one more thing” it was just very inconvenient… I would make up excuses like “My phone is gonna die”. She even tried calling at 2AM on school nights. I thought there was something wrong, so I’d answer and all she wanted to do was chat about unimportant crap. I ended up blocking her number and telling her “yeah my phone is acting up”. Even during school she would call (we went to separate schools- thank god) and while she’s on lunch break I’ll still be in class when she calls! When I wasn’t picking up her calls she would call me on other people’s phones!She was creepily obsessed with this boy - There was a boy in our primary school (we went to primary school together- just not high school) who she was next level obsessed with. She would show me her diary and it had cutout photos of him from Facebook and the school newsletter that covered countless pages. Once she even stole a bunch of his work from his locker and took it home, cut it out and stuck it in her book, commenting on how his handwriting was so sexy. She once followed him home after school just so she knew where he lived. Everytime we would go for a walk it was just us circling around his block until we saw him. It honestly creeped me out to the max. After we split and she went to the same high school with him, she got extremely upset at a group of girls that were apparently hanging around him, so she stuffed their lockers with food from the bins. It was just so damn unhealthy.She didn’t care when my dad was close to dying - My dad has diabetes and it got to that stage where if he didn’t start eating his proper assigned diet then he was going to die. Obviously this put me under a lot of stress as my dad was constantly sick and I was the eldest living with him, meaning I sacrificed a lot of my time looking after him, the house and my siblings. All in that while I told my ex-best friend the news and asked to be left alone for a while. Well the very next day she tries calling me in the morning like 8 times before I message her asking what she wanted. She tried calling numerous times again and so I just shut off my phone. I wasn’t in the mood. Later in the day I turned my phone back on and had HEAPS of messages from her about USELESS SHIT (sorry for my language, I get very angry thinking about this). They ranged from “Hey! Wanna come to my house for a sleepover?” to “Why aren’t you picking up? I have a new bf! Come meet him!” but one in particular caught my eye and it was “Sorry your dad is dying, wish that was me tbh haha” like a fucking joke?? It angered me so much that I ended up initiating the call FIRST in my entire life being friends with her. She happily answered then got an earful of me telling her how much of a shitty person she was and how she didn’t support me ONCE in my time of need. Yeah, I asked for time alone but I didn’t expect to come back to COUNTLESS messages about HER NEW BOYFRIEND. THIS WAS A VERY INAPPROPRIATE TIME.So yeah, that last thing was the major tie breaker, but all those other small things had a huge contribution in showing her true personality. Sorry if I come off as very rude towards her- but to tell the truth this isn’t anything compared to what I had to deal with for 6+ years of friendship. I’m super mad just thinking about this