Sin - Your Life: Fill & Download for Free

Last summer was my first time in a primarily non-Jewish environment as an Orthodox Jewish teenager.It was a small summer camp, and the girls around me all arrived in regular summer clad, albeit clothes I’d grown up dismissing as sinful and immodest.In the community I’m in, every girl is adherent to tzniut, which is the Hebrew word for modesty. Orthodox Judaism insinuates a strict dress code that determined an incredible amount about me and how I live. Our elbows and knees were like border disputes.But these were the kind of girls I’d been always constantly warned about in school, the ones who supposedly had no respect for themselves. The kind of girls I should supposedly never be like.But as they should be, they were respected all the same. No funny stares, comments or judgemental glares from counselors—or anyone.What they wore didn’t determine their worth. The girls I became friendly with were some of the nicest people I’d ever met. Their bare knees were irrelevant.I soon realized it was actually tzniut that had sexualized me all along, and all who encouraged it. The constant lecturing, pestering and obsession with our skin was what was damaging in reality. Covering my body so intensely from all men just meant that my body was inherently something to be sexualized. It meant that I can only be seen a human being away from sexual consumption if I hid behind a piece of cloth. That my body was for that one purpose only.Even worse, it meant the worst things for those around me. It meant that men aren’t capable of appreciating my personality or intelligence without sexualizing my knees and elbows. And I realized how crazy it seemed.All of it led to a spiral of realization. A mere hour of thinking led to it all unraveling. So much that I thought I knew and believed exploded before my eyes.I began to realize that so many of the morals I’d been brought up with…. were in fact wrong.And at that point, I’d only just begun to understand.

My friends told me what masturbation was all about. They told me it would be fun.“You will feel like taking off in a rocket, soar higher, higher, and nosedive at a point. That point, my friend, is heaven,” he said with excitement.I was in grade 8, maybe.“So what should I do? Where should I start?” I asked. He told: “Think of a girl you find very attractive. Imagine she is there with you. Right there. Right then. What would you do?” he rolled his eyes with an evil grin.“Ah, I get it…” I replied with an emphatic assurance.I went home that night. I tried. I felt a tsunami of emotions washing me away.It was heaven descending upon me. It felt amazing.The habit stuck to me. Imagination with wings. Objectifying women. Gratification.It was an addiction setting upon me, gradually, yet steadily.One night, I was in the middle of the act. No mattress to cover me up.Mom walked in. She saw me. My breath almost stopped. The ninja in me squealed and leaped into action.Within maybe five seconds, I put my candle inside, jumped out of the cot, threw myself under the cot, and slapped myself. Thrice.She hurried out of the room, shutting the door behind her.I wanted to kill myself, come back alive, and kill myself again. Twice.My heart refused to beat. I could not sleep that night.The next evening.Dad started talking to me. He spoke of the Bible. He spoke of what 1 Corinthians says. He never spoke about mom seeing me, but he was speaking in general.He spoke of sins. Hell. Heaven. His eyes were concerned, perturbed, and full of love. Helpless love.Love was oozing out from every word he spoke. It made no sense. It was love, nonetheless. I nodded to everything he said.That night, at dinner, no one spoke of that. After dinner, it was prayer time. Dad prayed.The prayer was full of “God, help us be free from sins. Help us be pure. Help us fight the temptations of the living world. Help us identify satan’s evil ways…”Prayer got over. Dad went to his room.Her hands over my shoulders, mom walked me to my room, kissed me, and opened the door for me.I could sense an air of discomfort. She had not said anything yet. I was not ready to listen to what she was to say. “God no no no no no!!”I jumped onto my bed, exclaiming “Mom, I am tired. Could you turn off the lights?” I pulled the blanket over me quickly.She said: “Sure. Remember, always lock the door.”She smiled, shut the door, and walked away.When I look back, I have received numerous advices: how to objectify women, how to restrain from sins, yada yada yada. The one that showed me the way was however this: always lock the door.She knew I had the right to do whatever I wanted. She wanted me to live my life the way I wanted.She knew I had to have my privacy. She wanted me to man up and take charge of my life. She put me on my vehicle and let me drive.She took her hands off the wheels. How brilliant was that!This has made me the man I am. Whatever I have chosen in my life were never induced or influenced. I chiseled my life, fearfully and wonderfully. Every day. I carved my days with my very own hands.Are you building your life?Beautiful Amma and I. The poet and the poem.

Staying in PGOne of the biggest mistake of my life was staying in a PG. I'm a student in Delhi University (North Campus), and I lived in a PG near Malka Ganj, Amaze Inn (Now named 'Spacex’)As I was out of home for the first time so we decided to take accommodation in a PG to avoid food or security issues. The owner asked to deposit security money worth ₹22000. I deposited the money. He told my parents to be carefree about everythingBut the reality was differentI used to skip my meals because of the kind of food they gave. Forget about taste, the food was not even cooked properly. Although you could find various other non edible stuff in food.That stone piece in food. Just imagine if anyone chewed itThis how the eating area looked likeThis is how food was left overnightMacchar in MilkAnd the worst of allThe laundry guy used to come once in 10 days, I lost my 2 shirts in laundry. They didn't even bother when I told this. Either they stole it or maybe just ate them up.They told us we won't be charged for electricity except the AC bill, but once we started living there, they denied it. Monthly bill was nearly ₹1500How can one imagine to live in such a cringe. Me and my roommate stopped eating PG food. Either we used to eat in hotel or had tea, maggi or wafers. This is increased our expenses.Finally after many complaints we both decided to leave the PG. When we asked for our security money, they simply denied. The owner was completely shameless and ill mannered. He simply warned us to leave the PG with no security money. Remaining with no other option we left it.We lost ₹44000 (22k each) over that worthless PG. I still regret living there. I regret such a huge amount being wasted. I'll hate the owner till eternity. He did same thing to other students too. I'm pretty sure he'll pay for his sins.Note : Please it is my request, don't go for PG accommodation especially boys (girls PGs are comparatively much better in hygiene and food). Never deposit such a huge security amount at once. They'll serve you the worst kind of food, in worst hygenic condition. Don't fall prey to their fake advertisements. Look for living in an independent flat alongwith roommates, that is 100 times better.