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Oooooh, buddy. Okay, so I've had depression and anxiety for going on fifteen years now (thank you, puberty, and everything that came after), and that's the sort of mantra that comes with the illness. There are phone numbers you can call, people you can reach out to, and medication you can take if these sorts of thoughts are persistent. Here's the number for a depression hotline if you need help stat: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)All I can say is, if you are expecting perfection of yourself, it can be inhibiting to a paralyzing degree, and if you spend your time caught in place like a deer in headlights for fear of Doing The Wrong Thing, you're foregoing using that time to make (necessary) mistakes. And yes, they are necessary, and I think that's something we understand better as children than we do as adults, at a time in our lives when it's considered okay to trip over our shoelaces and cry bloody murder about it, and then sniffle and move on like a champ. After all, as a child, you're still learning coordination, and no one is mystified that you might need some room to fall while you're figuring it out. (See, I bet if you did that now as an adult, you'd silently catalog and internalize the reactions of everyone watching, and then stare at the ceiling that night as your brain gave you a vivid play-by-play. Heh.) But guess what? In many areas of your life, your still learning a more metaphorical type of coordination, and that's okay. ((Assuming you are an adult, of course. If you're a kid, talk to a counselor about your feelings. Don't just expect the things you're feeling now to evaporate later, because traumas/complexes developed in childhood can leave quite a bad impression on you for years down the line if you don't get help when it might have otherwise been timely. If you can, of course. Just do whatever you can for yourself, considering whatever means you have at your disposal.))I'd say the best place to start with opting out of whatever negative feedback loop you're in is to remember that it's okay to be happy and okay to be a goofball who doesn't have to spend every waking hour proving the validity of their existence by being productive or exceptional in some way. After all, if we don't bother with that notion, we just kind of reduce ourselves to being cogs in the machine, don't we? Also, rest is essential, because burnout is a real phenomenon.And if this is about a self-assessment of guilt, where you feel like you can't move past the impression that this Bad Thing you've done means you should be forever damned, use that guilt as a jumping off point instead to better your behavior, and then ease back and let the feeling go once it's served its purpose. If you feel like you need to pay restitution to the aggreived parties, do, but there's being contrite, and then there's being morose. And I know that self-perception isn't a straight-forward thing, and that there is a difference between knowing good advice and working at feeling the truth in it inately every time bad thoughts surface, so just keep at it, and remember that, this too, demands practice to nail. Often times, we're our own worst abusers, but on the plus side, it's been my experience that once you conquer your own self-generated insecurities or things you’ve happened to internalize over the years from callow bullies, it's a lot harder for other people/life to get you down afterwards.Also, here's a *hug.*