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Any “tradition” designed specifically to embarrass someone, including smashing cake in your supposed beloved’s face, removing the garter (which in some cases involves the groom crawling under the bride’s dress, or lifting it to risqué heights), or, even worse, throwing the garter to the groomsmen so the fellow who catches it can slide it up the leg of the mortified bridesmaid who caught the bouquet to chants of “HIGHER!! HIGHER!!!” These are almost as bad as the older but luckily no longer fashionable tradition of the guests waiting around to be shown the bloody bedsheets to prove the bride was a virgin and the marriage was consummated.The idea that you must pay people to boss you and your guests around. Wedding planners who insist on unnecessary, expensive multi-course meals, open bars, made-up traditions and gewgaws because that is how everyone is personalizing their wedding these days (an oxymoron), MCs who for some reason must “introduce” the bride and groom to their nearest and dearest friends and family and tell people whom they must dance with and when, and photographers who take the wedding party away to some picturesque spot for hours between the wedding and the reception while the guests cool their heels, and then stand in an impenetrable phalanx around the cake as it’s being cut, so the only decent view will be on the wedding video — none of these make for a more gracious, elegant or unique wedding.The idea that “this is the bride’s day!” and she is the centerpiece in some Radio City Music Hall extravaganza. She is star, director and costumer all at once, and everyone — and bridesmaids, mothers, guests, and even groom — must acquiesce to her every whim. Choosing bridesmaids by their looks rather than their friendship and banishing those who are too short, fat, disabled or tattooed, and dressing those who pass the auditions as matching chorus girls down to their nail polish and makeup if not hair color, demanding that her father give her away even if they’ve never met and her stepfather and/or mother has raised her from infancy, telling mothers of the bride and groom that they must match the wedding’s “color theme” instead of wearing what suits them, and — the ultimate — indulging in a “destination wedding” in which she dictates to the guests that they must spend their hard-earned vacation time and horrendous amounts of money to, in essence, accompany the happy couple on their honeymoon if they want to celebrate their marriage, and, after the wedding, keeping close tabs on what present each guest gave as if it were a payment for the cost of the food and alcohol served, while paradoxically neglecting to thank them for their kind generosity — these are the acts of someone who seems to believe that because she is pledging her love to someone else, that the universe should revolve around her. Brides need to realize that they are throwing a large party not a coronation, and need to think of the comfort of the groom, attendants and guests more than their own glory.The idea that, after basically ignoring the bridegroom for a year to plan the wedding, that this extravaganza should be “the happiest day of her life!” If the wedding day is the happiest day of her life, it does not bode well for the remainder of the marriage. (This is similar to women who get so obsessed with the idea of having the “right” kind of birth, that they forget that the point is to begin a new life with a healthy baby.)And, most of all, the idea that bankrupting oneself or one’s parents, embarrassing one’s closest friends, and inconveniencing, neglecting and extorting one’s guests is somehow required by “etiquette.”Etiquette is a set of guidelines and traditions meant to smooth social interactions, make people feel comfortable and honored, and create elegant, joyous, appropriate occasions that are heightened versions of one’s own social life. It is not a set of pretentious, over-elaborate rules that must be adhered to at the expense of finances, friendship or common sense. Etiquette is meant to suggest ways to be kind, gracious and generous in everyday life as well as on special occasions, not an ill-fitting rented suit that is put on only once in a lifetime and then discarded in favor of the social equivalent of sweatpants the rest of the time.

Much has changed with weddings in the U.S. over the past 50 years, which mirrors how much social attitudes have changed. When I was growing up a wedding focused on the church service and the fact that the bride and groom were repeating their vows in front of friends, family and God. Most churches did not allow strapless gowns, and while the brides often had extravagant dresses, the object was to be elegant - not sexy. Being a bridesmaid was an honor for most women, and dearest friends and relatives were chosen without regard for their appearance. Bridezillas were very uncommon because although it was “her” big day, friends and family were important too.Receptions were not huge blow-out parties - not many people had sit down dinners with dancing. Cake, punch (champagne if the venue allowed it) and small finger foods like nuts were the norm. Wedding gifts were welcome, but not totally expected from everyone. Any complaining about what was received was done privately and not blasted about; everyone received a gracious thank you note from the bride. Gifts were not considered to be a “ticket” to a reception, but then receptions didn’t have gift bags for the guests to take home either.In current times, we have wedding planners, themes, favors, etc. Everything must be perfect! You hear all the time about entitled bridezillas demanding that her bridesmaids become their slaves. You read about people who live together but save up for a big, fancy wedding. Even churches have had to throw out the idea of a proper ceremony, allowing the bride or groom to sing, secular music to be played and strapless gowns to be worn. God is really no longer the center of the ceremony, but has been put aside to show off the bride and the groom. And woe betide the hapless guest who hasn’t spent enough on the right type of gift. They are publically shamed via social media, and the idea that the gift is in return for being allowed to attend this elaborate party is accepted by many.Don’t even get me started on destination weddings. If you want to get married in Hawaii, fine. Just don’t expect your friends and families to shell out for a vacation they might not want to take. The destination wedding is the ultimate in the prevalent selfishness of today’s brides and grooms.In short, weddings are generally show off times these days! Yes, there are still couples who settle for small, happy affairs focusing on love and family, but overall they are going the way of the dinosaur.

I was very lucky because I had my fantasy wedding.I always wanted to get married on Halloween. Halloween was a very special day for my husband and I. So we had our wedding on Halloween.Since Halloween was a Monday and we knew lots of people had to work, we only invited our families to our wedding. We both have fairly large families so it was a nice sized group. I only invited one set of friends and it was my best friend and her partner. I’ve known her for at least 30 years. I didn't realize this until later but limiting it to just family really helped with the guest list. All the “should we invite him, should we invite her or should we invite them?” dilemma was non-existent and no one got their feelings hurt.The wedding favors! Who doesn't love wedding favors? I think that was one of the funnest parts of all the planning. Because it was Halloween of course all of the wedding favors had a Halloween theme. Even our invitations had a beautiful Halloween theme. They really were absolutely gorgeous. We got many compliments on them Of course our wedding cake and table centerpieces were all Halloween themed. We even did treat bags for the kids. Their treat bags were really fun. Toys and such.The Four Seasons here has a beautiful outside area where you can hold your ceremony. Since it was October, the weather here was just perfect. It wasn't hot that day even though it was sunny (Texas), there was a light breeze and it was just beautiful. We couldn't have picked a better spot for our wedding ceremony. Our reception was held inside. The staff and wedding planners were great. They provided excellent service.Sounds pretty simple right? Well that was the best part of my fantasy wedding. It was simple. I didn't want something crazy that made me crazy. I can't complain about anything. It really was perfect.