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I believe that a lot of these answers are coming from the “uncomfortable truth” perspective that many folks (including me) habitually value, with a wary contempt for whatever might be considered a comfortable lie. Another set of answers are coming from a place of bullying. This set of answers is very concerned with defending the “right to pick on” a group; they are eager to see that they can continue to disparage some groups in good conscience, to ensure that they’ve done no wrong in verbally abusing them, because the manner of their abuse is socially approved. After all, they’re good people; it’s just always open season on the weird, right?There’s a lot of uncomfortable truth about what is being encouraged here.If anything, gender is patrolled even more ferociously into adulthood. In the survey of 6,450 transgender and gender nonconforming adults, nine out of 10 said they were harassed while on the job because of gender identity. And nearly half—47 percent—said they’d been fired, not hired, or refused a promotion because of gender identity. That’s the kind of reaction lesbians and gay men used to get for coming out (and still do, especially in some regions, though not as much anymore). As a result, transpeople who transition as adults have double the rate of unemployment and poverty of the general population, with one fifth having been homeless. The FBI’s uniform crime statistics report on hate crimes shows that of the 6,216 hate crimes documented in 2011, the most recent numbers currently available, 20.8 percent were attributed to sexual orientation. But how many were really because of sexual orientation, and how many were actually because of gender variation? We’ll find out soon: the 2009 Matthew Shepard and James J. Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act mandates collection of data on gender identity as well, but changing the nation’s data collection machinery has taken time, and we won’t get that data until the reporting from 2013. Until then, my hunch is that, just as with the playground taunts, some very large percentage of the men were targeted more because they were too girly than because they were perceived to be interested in dating men.Source: What’s Next? (Newsweek, 2013)Unfortunately, this wasn’t false; people face violence for their gender identity.In 2016, advocates tracked at least 23 deaths of transgender people in the United States due to fatal violence, the most ever recorded for that year. These victims were killed by acquaintances, partners and strangers, some of whom have been arrested and charged, while others have yet to be identified. Some of these cases involve clear anti-transgender bias. In others, the victim’s transgender status may have put them at risk in other ways, such as forcing them into homelessness.While the details of these cases differ, it is clear that fatal violence disproportionately affects transgender women of color, and that the intersections of racism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia conspire to deprive them of employment, housing, healthcare and other necessities, barriers that make them vulnerable.Sadly, 2017 has already seen at least 28 transgender people fatally shot or killed by other violent means. As HRC continues to work toward justice and equality for transgender people, we mourn those we have lost:Mesha Caldwell, 41, a black transgender woman from Canton, Mississippi, was found shot to death the evening of January 4. The murder is still under investigation and no suspects have been arrested.Sean Hake, 23, a transgender man in Sharon, Pennsylvania, died after he was shot by police responding to a 911 call from his mother. A friend told WKBN that Sean "had a genuinely good heart and he had struggled with his problems."Jamie Lee Wounded Arrow, 28, an American Indian woman who identified as transgender and two-spirit, was found dead in her apartment in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. A suspect, 25-year-old Joshua Rayvon LeClaire, has been arrested and charged with murder and manslaughter in connection with her death.JoJo Striker, 23, a transgender woman, was found killed in Toledo, Ohio, on February 8. Striker’s mother, Shanda Striker, described her as “funny and entertaining” and said her family loved her deeply.Tiara Richmond, also known as Keke Collier, 24, was fatally shot in Chicago on the morning of February 21. A transgender woman of color, she was found dead on the same street as two other transgender women that were killed in 2012.Chyna Gibson, 31, a Black transgender woman, was shot and killed in New Orleans on February 25. Chyna was a much-loved performer in the ballroom community who was visiting friends and family in New Orleans at the time of her death.Ciara McElveen, 26, a transgender woman of color, was stabbed to death in New Orleans on February 27. McElveen did outreach for the homeless community. As of February 28, 2017, HRC has tracked at least nine murders of transgender people in Louisiana since 2013.Jaquarrius Holland, 18, was shot to death in Monroe, Louisiana, on February 19. One friend, Chesna Littleberry, told Mic that Holland was “like a younger sister” and had helped her learn to accept herself.Alphonza Watson, 38, was shot and killed in Baltimore, Maryland, on March 22. Watson’s mother said her daughter was “the sunshine of our family,” a “caring, passionate” person who loved cooking and gardening.Chay Reed, 28, a transgender woman of color, was shot and killed on April 21 in Miami. Reed’s longtime friend told Mic about their longtime friendship -- describing her as someone who was full of life and beloved by many.Kenneth Bostick, 59, was found with severe injuries on a Manhattan sidewalk, he later died of his injuries. Few details about Bostick’s life have been reported, he is believed to have been homeless at the time he was attacked.*Sherrell Faulkner, 46, a transgender woman of color died on May 16, of injuries sustained during an attack on November 30, 2016 in Charlotte, North Carolina. Police are treating the assault as a homicide. No arrests have been made at this point.Kenne McFadden, 27, was found in the San Antonio River on April 9. Police believe she was pushed into the river, which runs through downtown San Antonio. A high-school friend of McFadden described her to local media as assertive, charismatic and lovable. On January 25, 2018, a 19-year-old man was charged with her murder.Kendra Marie Adams, 28, was found in a building that was under construction and had burns on her body on June 13. Police have charged Michael Davis, 45, with Adams’ murder. Adams also went by Josie Berrios, the name used in initial media reports on her death.Ava Le'Ray Barrin, 17, was shot and killed in Athens, Georgia on June 25 during an altercation in an apartment parking lot. In an online obituary, friends remembered Barrin as a "social butterfly" and an "amazing girl" who "loved to make people laugh."Ebony Morgan, 28, was shot multiple times in Lynchburg, Virginia, in the early morning of July 2. Morgan was transferred to a local hospital where she succumbed to her injuries. Authorities have named Kenneth Allen Kelly Jr. as a person of interest in the case.TeeTee Dangerfield, 32, a Black transgender woman, was shot and killed on July 31 in Atlanta, Georgia. According to the Georgia Voice, Dangerfield “was found with multiple gunshot wounds outside of her vehicle at the South Hampton Estates apartment complex."Jaylow McGlory**, 29, a Black transgender woman, was shot and killed in Alexandria, Louisiana on August 4. According to media reports, a 20-year-old man was later charged with her murder.Gwynevere River Song, 26, was shot and killed in Waxahachie, Texas, on August 12. According to their Facebook profile,they identified as “femandrogyne” and a member of the bisexual community.Kiwi Herring, 30, was killed during an altercation with police on August 22 during an altercation with her neighbor. Relatives told Huffpost the neighbor was transphobic and that excessive force by police led to her death.Kashmire Nazier Redd, 28, was fatally stabbed by his partner on September 5. A friend wrote on Facebook “[Kashmire] loved hard and just wanted to be loved and [accepted].”Derricka Banner, 26, was found shot to death in Charlotte, North Carolina on September 12. Friends describe Banner as a "playful spirit" and "go-getter" who enjoyed life.Scout Schultz, 21, was shot and killed by Georgia Tech campus police on September 16. The GT Progressive Student Alliance, a progressive student advocacy group on campus, called Schultz an “incredible, inspirational member of our community and a constant fighter for human rights.”Ally Steinfeld, 17, was stabbed to death in Missouri in early September. On April 3, 2018, the Texas County prosecutor charged Andrew Vrba, 18, with first-degree murder. Two other women, Briana Calderas, 24, and Isis Schauer, 18, were also charged with Steinfeld's murder. Steinfeld’s family said Ally “sometimes” identified as female on social media.Stephanie Montez, 47, was brutally murdered near Robstown, Texas. Montez’s longtime friend, Brittany Ramirez, described her as “one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet."Candace Towns, 30, a transgender woman who was found shot to death in Georgia. Town's friend, Malaysa Monroe, remembers Towns’ generosity. “If I needed anything she would give it to me. She would give me the clothes off her back,” Monroe said.Brooklyn BreYanna Stevenson, 31, a Black transgender woman who was found murdered in a motel room in Oklahoma City on November 27. Family describe Stevenson as "an amazing daughter, sister and friend with a giving and loving heart."Brandi Seals, 26, a Black transgender woman who was found shot to death in a Houston neighborhood on December 13. Her family described her as a “loving person” and a “beautiful person.”In November of 2017, the HRC Foundation and the Trans People of Color Coalition released a report detailing this epidemic of anti-transgender violence over the past five years.Source: Violence Against the Transgender Community in 2017 | Human Rights CampaignNot relevant? I disagree.People who are understanding and empathetic regarding the identities of other people are less likely to murder them for who they are. The same is true whether we’re talking about people killing people for their religion, for their race, or for their gender identity. If you understand, accept, and respect them — if it’s just ordinary common sense for everybody that this identity is to be respected — then crimes like this don’t happen as often.If you’re disrespectful and dismissive, you may not be violent personally, but you are contributing to a culture that allows people to — in good conscience — harass people for their gender identity, deny them employment for their gender identity, and even commit acts of violence against them.I understand and can sympathize with the perspective that you personally are simply stating biological facts (as you perceive them) and that “there are two” genders, with “XY chromosomes and XX chromosomes” (even if that is not completely correct). There is a way for you to keep any good-natured curmudgeonry that you may have and still be respectful.First, recognize that your choice of emphasis can be (often, deliberately) hurtful and, so, just keep it to yourself. Some deliberately hurtful actions:Referring to someone who prefers non-gendered pronouns (such as “they”) as “he” or “she,” after you’ve been informed. This is completely unnecessary and serves no purpose other than to hurt. Please don’t hide the cruelty behind a pseudo-intellectual grammatical argument. The use of the singular “they” in English is as old as the 14th century.Likewise, any use of the wrong pronoun or gendered term (such as “she” or “woman” for someone who identifies as a man).For people who have changed their name to reflect their gender identity better, using their old name is distinctly hurtful; don’t.For people who have physical characteristics more common in another gender, they really don’t need to be reminded of the shape of their privates or of the content of their chromosomes.Second, if any of the above is making you twinge, then you need to accept only two things in order to reconcile this with what you know:Physical characteristics don’t determine what someone’s gender is.How they seek socialization in gendered ways (or reject it) does.Okay, you’re asking, but why?Because it’s the humane approach to defining gender.Continuing to maintain a definition of gender that depends on some supposedly inalienable, inalterable physical characteristics is to continue to force people to be socialized in specific gendered ways against their will. (And worse than that, since a sense of one’s own gender identity isn’t exactly a choice.)It is to participate in cruelty.If this is not completely obvious, perhaps you have not lived in close proximity with someone who has gone through the pain of being mistreated by those around them, who have refused to accept their gender identity. I don’t know; maybe you have, didn’t accept them, and still feel good about it. Either way, there is a certain lack of perspective or empathy involved.Maybe you’re still wondering why we should respect these people, when it is (you believe) clearly wrong that they are anything other than the little boys or girls that they were assigned to be at birth. Maybe the other definition would be nicer, but isn’t this definition so much more scientific?Not really.Sure, in certain contexts, it may be appropriate to insist on a recognition of certain physical sex characteristics. So, sure, if you’re maybe a doctor seeing a patient and they’re wondering if they can have a child, that may be a good time to talk about certain physical realities (and, if this seems a little contrived, it’s because I can’t think of many appropriate contexts). Similarly, perhaps, if you’re considering a long term relationship and having children with someone that you already know and care about.In most contexts, however, the motive is clearly sinister. The motive is not scientific. The motive is to enforce certain expectations of gender roles. The motive is to keep the boys knowing they’re boys, the girls knowing they’re girls, and making sure that they can’t “pretend” to be the opposite (or neither). There is absolutely nothing science-based about that. It’s a social dominance play, through and through. It’s also ugly and hurtful.You cannot claim a scientific basis for refusing to address someone as “they.”You cannot claim a scientific basis for harassing someone at the bathroom.You cannot claim a scientific basis for disrespecting people.Perfectly good scientists can also be perfectly good human beings. You do not get to besmirch the good name of science as part of a cheap excuse for bigotry.In recognizing others as being men with the pronoun “he,” or as being women with the pronoun “she,” you are not declaring that you have taken a blood sample or checked their underwear. You are simply allowing them to have their gender identity be accepted and respected. That’s all it is, and that’s all it takes. You can keep all of your beliefs about what you consider to be science (or whatever it is you believe), while still respecting others and not adding to their pain.It is the same with those who see themselves as neither male nor female, as non-binary, who often prefer to be described with a neutral pronoun, such as “they.” It costs you nothing and contradicts nothing in science to respect that.If you believe there are two genders, fine. That is, one could say, not even wrong. If you believe that every human needs to be socialized as a member of one of two genders, male and female, and if you’re not going to respect the preferences of those who request to be treated as neither, that’s petty and cruel. Even if you deep down believe that a person is a boy or a girl (if you for some reason can’t accept the idea of people that are androgynous or not gendered), you can still accept that they do not see themselves that way, that this is deeply meaningful to them, and address them accordingly.This has never been about a love for proper taxonomy. It has been about putting people in their place, using bullying tactics to do it.