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UPDATED & COMPLETED.TL;DR This video is what training of an IRS (IT) looks like:For the not so faint hearted, the elaborate answer:*Note: All videos used in this answer are created by my senior, IRS officer trainer of 69th batch Shreyans Gupta (Shreyans Gupta)The Training through the eyes of an IRS officer: As UPSC aspirants, most of us only aim for the IAS and we realise that other good services exist only once we start filling our DAF or we actually end up getting into one of them. So here is a peek at the training for Indian Revenue Service (Income Tax).I am now at the fag end of my training (12 months into my training) and so I am in a better shape to compile this answer.The training for an IRS(IT) probationer is formally for 2 years:Foundation Course - 4 months at LBSNAA, MussoorieSpecific Training pertaining to Income Tax - 16 months at National Academy of Direct Taxes (further referred to as NADT), NagpurGenerally the IRS probationers skip the Foundation Course (FC) in order to reappear for the Civil Service Exam(CSE) as FC is optional for IRS probationers. It is mandatory only for IAS, IPS and IFS officers. In my case, I had attended it so my training began on August 29, 2016. The FC lasted till about 9th December, 2016. After this we got a break for 10 days and our official training at NADT started on 19th December, 2016. This is generally the pattern that is followed every year.Small Digression: Before I mention the course of the training, I would like to highlight a unique and special feature of the IRS(IT) training. As the training is very rigorous, a probationer is not allowed to reappear for the civil service exam while he is undergoing training at Nagpur. Yet to accommodate for the probationers who would like to reappear for the exam, NADT has a special Extra Ordinary Leave (EOL) policy, wherein a candidate can take one year’s leave without pay to prepare for the exam. The cool thing about this is that the probationer does not lose his/her seniority (in postings, rank, pay etc), so after taking the exam when they join the training one year later, even though they are training with one batch junior yet they are very much a part of their own senior batch.The Actual Training: For our batch (70th batch of IRS), the training began on 19th December, 2016 when we walked into the prestigious NADT. We flew down to Nagpur and our senior batch (69th batch of IRS) had come to receive the youngest batch of IRS (70th batch) at the airport. This is one great thing about the IRS(IT), here the people live like a family. Not just in letter but also in spirit.The academy:There are two hostels in NADT:Nalanda - Hostel for the junior batch (our batch) which we occupy till the valediction of the senior batch takes place (which is generally 4 months after the new batch comes in).Vikramshila - (Read Hotel!) This is the hostel which we occupy once the seniors leave by early May.Apart from that we have the CC Ganapathy Sports Complex with amazing facilities for almost all sports, a stunning swimming pool, a breathtaking mess that looks like an airport and the food is beyond this world (Trust me! The mess serves us things like pizzas, pani puris, brownies, pasta, fried fish and what not!) and the mess staff are the sweetest people in the world.So, the training itself began with a cultural function organised in our welcome by the senior batch. This is a tradition followed every year. The following was the message that we were greeted with:The day of an IRS officer trainee begins at 6 a.m when we have to attend a morning activity. The choice is from Yoga, PT or Karate. After this we are required to attend classes from 9 a.m to 4 p.m but since Nagpur is too hot, the academy is considerate enough to shift our timings from 8 a.m to 2 p.m during the peak summer months (May, June). The classes are now held in a building called ATC with state of the art technology and infrastructure. The classes are on a range of topics- Accountancy, Direct Tax Laws, Business Laws, International Taxation, Management etc.Most lectures are conducted by the in house faculty but for various specialised topics we have senior officers from the field, experts from various institutions, professors from prestigious universities across the country. For eg: The business law classes are conducted by faculty from the National Law School of India University, Bangalore.This is what the bare Income Tax Act and Rules look like. We have to study the entire thing, imagine the plight! The joke is that no exercise is required if you are an IRS, just carry these books from hostel to academic building everyday and you will have the biceps of Hulk Hogan!Anyway, so we are free from classes after lunch but this in no way means that we are free to do whatever. The training is packed with so many elements that always keeps us on our toes! In NADT, we are encouraged to take a sport for the evenings and also there are many clubs like dance, drama, music etc which the Officer Trainees are encouraged to be a part of to groom their personalities. Apart from these there are continuous cultural events. Every and I mean EVERY festival is celebrated in NADT. The event is planned, organised and executed by the officer trainees themselves.The first major event that we attended after reaching Nagpur was India Day. Herein the officers trainees had to represent their respective states. The following is the video of the event (Every single performance in this video was done by my batchmates of the 70th batch of IRS, you can find me also somewhere in black and white dressed as a Rajasthani Kalbelia dancer, representing my state.) These events make training feel like its a part of one big celebration. You feel proud not only to be associated with your service but also be associated with this abundant culture that is India.:After this a few weeks later, in the first week of February we had the INTAX, the sports festival of the academy which lasted for 6 days. This event included competitions in all the sports ranging from football to table tennis to athletics. Along with this there was also a marathon organised as a part of INTAX wherein the lady OTs had to complete a 5.5 km run and the gentlemen OTs had to finish 8.5 km run (This is also a part of tradition in NADT. Luckily for me, I won the female counterpart of this marathon!).Somewhere in mid February, a trek was organised to Panchmarhi for one of the weekends. This trek which is for educational purposes also includes a lot of fun.After this, in the second week of March for a period of one week, we had an attachment to the National Intelligence Agency where we were trained in areas of Intelligence like Secret Enquiry, cover, alibi etc. We even got a chance to meet various IB agents, one of whom told us the memory of how he captured a very highly wanted terrorist! The week just after that was the parliamentary attachment where we got a chance to witness The Lok Sabha live in action during the budget session and The Rajya Sabha. We even had various meetings with many renowned ministers like The Finance Minister and the man himself our very own Prime Minister. We also had a chance to visit the Rashtrapati bhawan where the President addressed us and hosted a high tea for us.In the month of April, we had the valediction ceremony of the senior batch (69th batch of IRS) in which apart from the official function we have a cultural evening organised by the Officer Trainees of the junior batch. If you had noticed, the welcome performance for the junior batch is by the seniors and their farewell as a sign of gratitude is by the juniors. This value inculcation is a crucial part of the training in NADT. The valediction programme had a plethora of performances which included dance, a play and singing performances, one of which was a Qawwali which looked as good as the professional Qawwalis even though all the people participating in it are Officer Trainees of the Indian Revenue Service.In the month of June, we had an excursion to Jabalpur. Finally the month of July marked the end of our first module of training in NADT. This end is to bring the Officers Trainees back to reality that IRS is not all fun, you need to study too! We are not spared by the continuos assignments, home tests, compulsory online courses throughout the module but the end is marked with your face to face encounter with the satan himself - departmental exams. Passing and acing these examinations is also a core part of the training. The academic training of an IRS (IT) probationer is indeed one of the most rigorous as compared to the other Indian Civil Services.The new month of August brings in new freshness with the beginning of Module -II of training. Between the two modules, Officer Trainees are allowed a week long Block Leave to visit home. Module - II deals with the more practical aspects of training which include On The Job Training (lovingly called OJT!), educational tours to SEBI, RBI, NSE, Bank, Tehsildar’s Office, GST office etc.The first OJT is for a period of 3 weeks which is mostly in Tier-II cities, the second one which is closer to our postings in January of the following year is for 6 weeks mostly in Metros and other big cities. OJT is for getting hands on experience of the department, life as an IRS officer in the field as well as to explore different parts of India with your friends. I had done my OJT-I in Nashik (try guessing why! :P) and I absolutely fell in love with the city and all the natural picturesque beauty around the city.Another very crucial part of the training is a week long trek in the Himalayas. For our batch we were divided into three groups - Uttarkashi, Narkanda and Dharmshala. The trek is a real adrenaline rush, wherein you live in the heart of nature with basic necessities and best of all - No Mobile Signal! The trek instills in you the true spirit of Espirit De Corps. As they say, “Shared pain brings people together!”.A 5 day long cultural festival - Anubhuti is also a part of the training curriculum. This festival allows you to not only develop your hobbies and talent in the various fields of art and culture but also allows you to meet, interact and witness the performances of other great artists around the country in the fields of music, art, literature, dance, theatre, poetry etc. As a part of Anubhuti, our play Geetanjali which was based on the life of an Autistic Transgender child was much appreciated. Thus, NADT also allows you to explore and exhibit your creative marvel!Apart from this, there was also a 5 day industrial visit to Aurangabad where groups visited industries of major private giants in the field of electronics, automobiles etc. We also had the opportunity to visit the marvel that is Ajanta Caves! The carvings and paintings in these caves, some of which are as old as 2nd Century BC are truly breathtaking.The months of December and January towards the end of your training are mostly the academics oriented months wherein you have to deal with most of your assignments, a dissertation on International Taxation and the devil himself - 2nd departmental exams.Finally towards the end of the training are the much awaited and coveted Foreign Attachment and Bharat Darshan. Both are generally of 10 days each. The routes and destination of these depends every year on the Administration so these are not fixed and may change based on logistics. Our foreign attachment is planned to be arranged in Europe in Feb (*fingers crossed*).Finally, the posting and Valediction of the batch is done by April of the following year. Thus, the overall training of an IRS officer which is of 1 year and 4 months is not about all work and no play. All round development is a key feature of our training.Whatever it may be but these are definitely the best days of one’s life. It’s like being in a college all over again while making your own money!

After 28 years of living with BPD, I’ve been thinking about how to answer this now for almost a year. I figured I would wait and see if my initial gut instinct to answer this would remain the same in a few months, because I was in therapy. It is still the same.The Simple Answer: ABANDONMENT. It’s always been the one symptom I continued to have that cause me the most suffering, and I have clung to the people who I knew would leave because I clung. But, I never could help myself to get away from my fear of abandonment. I don’t think I ever will.After the last year in therapy, thankfully, I had an emotional breakthrough about this problem. I realized that the times in my life this struggle didn’t surface as a symptom, was going to be the answer to truly say that symptom will no longer cause me a lot of struggle, and therefore. I chose to use that as my “cure”.My fear of abandonment disappears if I counter that with the conscious choice to live and navigate life on my own, alone, and choose not to open myself to relationships of a romantic or sexual nature. I intentionally isolate myself from close ties to family, including my grown kids, who have gone on their own journey now.I am blessed to know that I have several close and genuine friendships with other strong women who know about my BPD and haven’t gone anywhere in 25+ years, but we also have very healthy boundaries that are respected most all the time. We also give one another room to have total relapses and recover again, without it changing our support for one another, and that isn’t very common for anyone with BPD, not without a lot of work on your personal issues. All of those who I am close to, we are all very independent and enjoy life living alone, we have let one another down many times, but we can also see when one of us is in crisis pretty easily.I don’t feel necessity to call or see my friends or anyone for any real reason or any certain length of time that might pass, but we understand it doesn’t mean we cannot pick up the phone 24/7. Radical acceptance that it is not ok for me to expect others to act or react or feel like I think they should, that required a lot of work on my ego.So, I do see a better life for me this way, and I will just will not invest more than the other person will in any friendship. I tell myself the truth about life and people now: It has been my experience, over and over again, that it can be possible for someone you thought you could trust to be a totally different person than you imagined for a lot of years. It can happen at any time through our lives that the people who we thought would never leave us or would always be able to trust and count on, will fail us and crush our hearts. So proceed with caution if you think you need to do further testing. The same results come every time, and it’s good self monologue to remind myself of these realities.Living like this rubs a lot of people the wrong way immediately. That’s fine with me too. This eliminates a lot of people quickly who would only end up hating me more the longer they stick around lol. So, and it’s been a good thing. Those who stay, will learn in a short time that I am one of the best people they could know, if they don’t set off my red flags inside my gut. This is kinda boring being alone all the time, but I substitute that with social media, blogging, and online friendships that have been way more reliable, honest and trustworthy investments for mutual people, some I’ve known for over 20 years, but never even met.Yeah, it’s not ideal, but I know it’s just less problematic, and I see myself feeling better and know I’m happier. I like knowing that this option means that I don’t hurt others or get hurt by them as often if at all, now.Yes. It’s lonely. But for my personal situation, it’s worth it compared to the other options; and I know that I gave my best shot at the options, they failed and hurt me deeply when they left, but yeah, I have tried them. It’s not fair to them or to myself to bring that to the table, it sabotages my recovery also, so, to keep anyone attached to that burden if I can manage it myself this way, is healthier for me and for others.Not everyone can live this way, it takes a clear amount of being able to tell yourself the truth and accept that it wasn’t how you dreamed your life would be, but also the realism that it was a fantasy like childish notion most of my life to picture this outcome For anyone who isn’t able to use this option, I wasn’t always this capable, believe me, and I do see you. I hear you.Being highly empathetic is a very common trait that can be a true gift for us all, with proper guidance. However, there are very few doctors that will see this, most of them will not help us or even open their minds and see it as a gift, but just another horrible symptom of BPD. They will say we feel and experience things too intensely and are unable to regulate our emotions or our relationships, but, in my opinion that is lazy medicine they are choosing to practice, that is lazy as a therapist today if they don’t know better, but it’s the easier option for those doctors who choose not to learn about the latest best treatments, read the clinical trials for DBT and the new options for med management and mindfulness. I forgive you all. It’s ok.There are people who DO get through to us eventually if we are lucky. To the doctors like this and to the people out there like this, I am here to tell you that it’s been the BIGGEST LIE about BPD. We are not “unable to regulate our emotions”, and it’s OKAY to feel intensely and love intensely and give intensely, to reach others who need this gift we have, to see them and feel their pain, and to have us arrive in just the nick of time.It feels so awful to hear your doctors, especially older classically trained Doctors like Psychologists and Psychiatrists, who have for years just told us there isn’t much hope for treatment or always call it just another “horrible symptom of BPD”. It’s not pretty and it’s going to be hard, but this doesn’t have to be the head case or life sentence they tell us, not at all! The truth is, we need to be taught different ways to navigate this type of brain and extra sensory we have, learn a different way to live our life with this, and use this gift as a way to heal ourselves as well as others.That is what DBT and mindfulness gives us, it’s what we get right into initially and very rapidly address that first, in the first module of DBT, and the following three modules are a bit harder, but it is not long suffering, we further tune in and tweak these patterns inside our thinking and reacting and logic brain that is so used to switching to the emotional response, the past experience response.Suffering 28 years thinking I would never be free of suffering is no longer my vision at all for my future or my only option today. Yeah, I still suffer, but it’s awesome to suffer with this gift most days. And on the days that it’s not awesome, I have other EMPATHS who have my back. BPD is not a personality problem, I have a fucking awesome personality. And the only border or line you will see in any of us, are the one’s everyone else tells us are there.You’re not helping us by labeling BPD with that label you schmucks, stop calling us Borderlines and stop even bringing our personality into the fucking conversation. It’s not about a personality and it’s so unfair to say that. It is a treatable brain condition, that is neurodivergent, not typical.We who live with “BPD” had our brain stuck or damaged in the Amygdala. That’s the part of the brain that determines our reaction to what is going on around us, the fright, flight, freeze or fight back, it’s that part of the brain, it is highly sensitive and forming it’s learning center from age 3–9, and due to how many of us suffered from a lot of the 10 adverse childhood experiences or ACE’s *see google for “ACE score questionnaires* we probably lived in very violent or neglectful homes, watched alcoholism or addiction and didn’t understand why our moms or dads couldn’t see or hear our cries.We likely had one or more times experienced a death of a parent, or grandparent or sibling or all of the above, or witnessed horrible suffering around us in so many ways that we were truly always frightened, from birth until this day for some of us. Some of us experienced sexual or physical abuse, emotional abuse or spiritual abuse. Some had started from birth in these volatile environments not just during the ages 3–9.For myself, my ACE score was 10 out of 10. The data shows that as adults, when someone doesn’t respond to best treatment practices in the normal ranges for people with similar diagnosis, and the more time spent in therapy, if they don’t see progress within normal ranges or without any response successfully, doctors have failed to catch their golden answers to why that is for so long, and it was so simple, no one asked us “What happened to you? Did you have any of these experiences in childhood?” or they did ask but didn’t notice the common thread or see the missing link: that there is proof the brain has differences in the Amygdala on brain scans, they are not hard to spot, there are obvious differences in our Amygdalas, they do not look like the normal brain does.Studies also showed that the older we are when we figure this out, and when using this as a baseline, then factoring in the all of our current mental health conditions or our Dx’s regarding our mental health, run those numbers along with the our medical history that includes our childhoods and by using these best treatment practices for ACEs, that the higher the patient scored, the more likely studies prove we will suffer from an Amygdala that shows a remarkable difference on scans of our brain, the areas light up like crazy show it is stuck there., in fright, flight, freeze or FIGHT. The good news is, that led to Marsha Linehan developing DBT, because it is the most effective and best treatment practice for training the Amygdala to return to as near normal as possible.BUT there are a whole lot of things that need to be considered and taken into account before starting the DBT modules alongside a totally individual treatment plan for us, DBT along with other Tx’s that are in normal studies shown to be helpful for most patients, was only really successful if they considered these important aspects of complex cases like mine was. First, what are our concurrent disorders, and what are our other health problems or physical conditions and then also important was to look at our spiritual health. Do we feel untreatable or undeserving?A patient needs to have these things addressed before beginning DBT, all of these things are important to consider first. BUT the most important thing to look for as a mental health professional who sees us and who presents this way in our cases as their patients, and so critically important is before starting DBT, it won’t be effective or nearly AS successful, studies show that it requires a certain level of commitment on the patient’s behalf, and then it also varies when you look at how long someone has been addressing their concurrent disorders like alcoholism and addiction those were the biggest variants in clinical studies.DBT works so well where other treatments failed and truly can be very helpful to treat complex PTSD but, DBT will fail miserably if the doctor or patient is not able to honestly and without fear of judgement, able to address this prior to Tx. So, the method used to properly diagnose patients is the first step, along with the doctor following the recommended courses of treatment on the Linehan method of full DBT comprehensive treatment plan, using long term, intensive in patient in a residential setting or intensive outpatient alongside weekly and biweekly appointments with other parts of the team, like therapy and EMDR, DBT, Mindfulness and proper follow ups and sometimes using daily check-ins.They have laid out the best options for each level of Dx and comorbidity and DBT is not the ONLY thing we need. This is where the true Linehan method of DBT needs to be consulted because it has a formula that incorporates specific treatment plans on a case by case basis, starting with their doctor and often with a case manager and an entire medical team of doctors. This is SO important to begin coordinating this in all treatment resources out there in the real world, like starting at childhood, now they have been using ACE scores, age and grade level appropriate monitoring and observing or even talking to and asking questions during grade schools.Now, in 2019, we have implemented this ACE programming into all schools in all 50 states, teachers are trained in ACE and it’s being used universally and training is also universal. The kids who have barriers or score a number on certain questions, there are solid, step by step practices that are laid out for our children’s teachers, nurses, day care workers, parents, and others who will begin putting in place a plan of action to resolve or address each ACE situation or YES answer, without threat of removing them from parents, without shaming them in front of anyone and without calling in DHS or using fear tactics on struggling parents.They use a team approach that puts the child in control of how they want to proceed and when they are ready, so the CHILD is consulted in FIRST, and what they want and state they need is considered FIRST, they lead the adults in the pace and are empowered and involved the entire way.Using this approach has saved so many lives, and raised kids who are so much more happier and healthier as adults, and most importantly, it fixes families that didn’t even know were broken, and far most importantly, for the kids, is that it keeps the family together if that is what the child wants or it ends the suffering of the child if they don’t feel safe or loved or are abused at home, the child decides. Everyone benefits.And as adults who didn’t get this chance, it can still be highly successful to factor in our childhood ACE score across the board when seeking help, using our history going back as far as possible. Realizing that The Patient can’t just jump into DBT if they haven’t had other history of seeking therapy or addressing underlying barriers first, because you could do more harm and push us over that edge of no return.Remember I mentioned earlier our suicidality rates are unbelievable in all BPD patients when compared to any other mental health condition, the only higher suicidality is in Transgender youth and young adults. When you have BPD and there is also is comorbidity consideration, it is frightening what the studies revealed.I’m just going to tell you this and be blunt, the real truth:DATA FROM CLINICAL STUDIES IS VERY CLEAR, RESEARCH PAPERS, MEDICAL RESEARCH OVER YEARS OF LOOKING AT RECORDS OF BPD, THE STATISTICS FOR A PATIENT LIKE MYSELF SHOW THAT I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW. I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ANSWERING QUESTIONS ON QUORA. I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING READY TO TURN 53 AT ALL.I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT PAST CHILDHOOD OR ADOLESCENCE, USING THE BEST CASE SCENARIO, RARELY WOULD I MAKE IT TO AGE 30I BARELY GOT HERE, MINUTE BY MINUTE ALMOST EVERY HOUR, I ALREADY LIVED WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE, AND SOMETIMES THAT WAS THE VERY THING THAT DROVE ME TO WANT TO JUST GET IT OVER WITH ASAP. IN THE EASIEST OPTION I COULD.BPD is diagnosed in less than 2% of people, estimated, but 30% of those people die as teens or in their early adulthood, 50% don’t live past 30 and these numbers are clean, without adding in the other factors that take that number for someone like myself to well over 100% of us. I can’t die five times but if I could, I would have in this formula.That scared the shit out of me at first but then it had this after effect that I am so very blessed and a real miracle. I must be needed here and I sure hope so, because I am so tired. I have known only a small number of years of my life where I experienced true peace or happiness without fears and weight of the world looming over me, I have some of the absolutely bad luck of anyone you could ever know, too, just unbelievable to even myself sometimes, I couldn’t even convince a normal amount of people it is all true if I tried, so I don’t try to or dwell there, but my friends and family would totally be like, “wait for the book”.I somehow made it without successfully committing suicide or dying due to some of the other common or lesser known factors that manifest from our situational adjustments for survival, like drug overdoses, or from using IV drugs and surviving through sex work and getting HIV or AIDS or Hepatitis C, being murdered, or being killed in domestic violence, or taken to the depths of despair like human trafficking, being kidnapped and raped by a pedophile or child predator, or having our parents fatally abuse us or neglect our health at a darker level than you would want to know.But most of us die before age 30 by just intentionally taking our lives because we just couldn’t handle the pain of our real lives any longer. And I do know this to be true. I felt that struggle and that mentality my entire life as far as my memories go back in time. NEVER did I have any memory where I didn’t live with this feeling that I am not going to make it much longer, not until recently that is.THE ONE PIECE OF DATA THAT STOOD OUT IN EVERY BIT OF DATA, THAT THE USE OF BPD WILL START BY ASKING IF THIS PARTICULAR PATIENT WITH BPD RECOGNIZES THEY HAVE IT? DOES THE PATIENT HAVE AWARENESS THAT THEY HAVE SUFFERED FROM THIS PARTICULAR PROBLEM? HAVE A HISTORY OF NOT RESPONDING TO PAST TREATMENT? MOST IMPORTANT, DO THEY HAVE STRONG DRIVE TO GET BETTER? THEY HAVE TO WANT TO FIX IT. HAVE THEY BEEN SEEKING TREATMENT FOR MANY YEARS? FORCIBLY OR WILLINGLY? DO THEY CHOOSE VICTIM STANCE AND NEGATIVE OUTLOOKS ON WANTING HELP? OR DESPITE FAILURE AFTER FAILURE OF MEDS AND NEW TREATMENTS, HAVE THEY WANTED IT, SOUGHT IT AND TRIED EVERYTHING THEY COULD TO FIND A WAY TO NOT GIVE UP, A WAY TO FINALLY GET BETTER, LIKE I DID?Studies also proved that we are highly more likely to suffer from things in far higher numbers, things like BPD, BiPolar disorder, Schizoaffective or panic disorder, nervous disorders, have random unexplainable episodes of psychosis for unexplained reasons and random sudden onset of other “brain disorders” like oppositional defiant disorder, ADD, ADHD, major depression, C-PTSD (complex PTSD) suffer more alcoholism and addictions, eating disorders and the list goes on and on from the clinical trials: the proof is clear and undeniable.BUT! It also showed that the sooner this ACE score could be administered and used in childhood, and the sooner our symptoms could be treated, the likelihood of these things even becoming a lifetime of problems goes down to almost zero. AND the opposite side of that coin is DEVASTATING, because if no one knows or addresses these children early enough and with the proper treatments, and the more comorbidity there is within people who have high ACE scores in other words the more diagnosis you add to that as an adult, and the more health problems the have when they finally are given proper treatment or access to health care, our suicidality rate skyrockets at scores above 5, and we truly aren’t statistically supposed to live past 30.The condition our growing brains were in when we learned our coping mechanisms were being overloaded with fear and we were not given proper care or comfort, we were overlooked and ignored when we needed adults to hold us and soothe our minds, and tell the brain how it’s going to be ok. Let us hear a positive suggestion of what this experience is for those who live with our brains this way, but do not sentence us into a box called BPD anymore! That is where a lot of us give up on ourselves quite honestly.I like to tell my doctors like this: Calling it Borderline Personality Disorder causes this chain reaction in an already fucked up and insecure child-like mind, in our fearful head it enters and immediately gets to work on the INTENSE reaction to how that sounds, first, it’s so overwhelming and gives us this INTENSE fear of impending doom right from the get go, so fuck, yeah no. That needs to stop being the language used to describe our experience. YOU shouldn’t even get to choose the words used to describe our condition in the medical books unless you also have the condition or study it for enough years directly, and consult the people who have it on how they would describe it in a book.Because it’s harmful use of words that don’t need to be used when there are so many more words to choose from, words that actually more closely and clearly describe what we experience in our brain. “disorder” is so judgey when any option exists that would clearly NOT be so harmful, why choose that shit? In a world where they can use a word like neurodivergent instead of big disastrous doctors set out in the process of attaching words to us, it’s like their fucking ego has to make fully planned attacks in the search, goes right for the kill with this like a war that doesn’t exist in the language, why is this? When he can be like cool, and search for words that when we hear them used our sensories are not harmed on the way in, it’s easy on the mind, how the brain processes those words or how the words trigger some adverse brain reaction with all new symptoms of their own?Fuck! C-PTSD with early childhood trauma is cool, sounds fairly serious but not deadly or scary, and it’s excellent use because it covers a broad spectrum of Dx and any number of disorders or conditions… right? It is so unnecessary for the Dx language to cause all this trauma conditioning that words can have. Or how the whole brain sees this in our mindseye and applies that to our self images is pretty obviously backed by science just as hard as your shitty BPD can be, does your ego need another alternative that someone beneath you wouldn’t use, seriously?There are a trazillion options and combinations using other words that allow us hope and are positive inside our minds. Words have power. Facts show that. You’re the doctors, you should know that, you go through years of medical school, but forgot the use of the simple rules of language or how to use a thesaurus or dictionary? Is medical terminology under different rules now that you’ve stopped practicing medicine and are now using an approach that borders on genocide? I said it, yes, and I meant it. We don’t need to discuss why, we are all aware of why.So, USING THE SCIENCE and applying that to how it affects the Science is the same for the medical terminology in a different way, the entire language evolution of all language teaches us early on in school that our options are endless with all the languages there are, and it also covers how that shows why our words literally are so powerful from that very evolutionary process and the DNA memory stored in our brains when we hear words they can cause goosebumps or be seen under a microscope being used real-time and watch as they change molecular structures on plants and on water, so fuck, why does a patient need to tell you what should be obvious?YOUNG KIDS ARE NOT JUST HEARING THESE WORDS, YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? THEY ARE LIVING THE WORDS FOREVER, DO BETTER!~So, it is sorta like comparing how it would feel for a child or teen or young adult patient if someone simply told them, ‘Ok so, you are fat or bigger amounts of fat stored in your body than you think is normal, but the facts are there are a lot of kids who are just a little more fat, and that is normal, totally normal. Mentioning to a teen very casually that. “fat changes so quickly and quite a lot throughout childhood into teens, and even changes after growing up and all your life, fat comes and goes so slowly but we seem to only see it when it’s there and never notice when it’s gone, so don’t stress about this, it’s far more common for kids to have some fat, and all kids don’t realize that they are usually the only one who ever knows it’s even there.”OR YOU COULD BE THAT OLD BOOMER ASSHOLE DOCTOR WHO TELLS YOUR 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AT HER FIRST PHYSICAL THAT SHE IS MORBIDLY OBESE AND HER BODY MASS INDEX IS WAY TOO HIGH AND SHE NEEDS TO GO ON A DIET IMMEDIATELY IF SHE WANTS TO LIVE LONGER. AND GIVING HER A COMPLEX THAT LASTS PAST HER 20’S, SHE GETS ANOREXIA OR BULIMIA FROM THAT AND AT 11 SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN.HEY, ASSHATS, THAT REQUIRES USING A VERB AND COMPOUND WORD WITH AN ADJECTIVE, IN FRONT, ITS:FUCKING BACKWARDS!Kids are already worried if they even get to live longer, and you just totally fucked up what hope she had left for being sorta normal in jr. high, and you just had to choose those fucking words, right? Why? To give that still growing body and already traumatized brain more truma? I’ve had more fat most of my life and us fat kids already have enough on our minds just everyday regular fat kid problems or fat teens or fat women problems, when all you really need to do is say, “so, there are all body sizes shapes and weights, you have this body type and it means you’ll probably always struggle with how you feel about this body if you see it as a bad thing, but I want you to believe that it is not a bad thing, this is normal, no one is supposed to be like anyone else or some medical book image. Look around you and there are more women with fat on their bodies than there are skinny bodies.BOTH are wonderful though and you can and should embrace and love every roll and bump and stretch mark. When you tell a kid the truth, or anyone the truth, it’s far more helpful on the mental health of someone and how they react to that as well, because the truth is, it will be my body for my entire life, it should not be my DIAGNOSIS or A CONDITION that needs a fucking thing-doctors and other people all need to get over that shit and let us decide what’s up.I am fat. I’m not skinny and I’m not supposed to be anything like “that girl” because THIS GIRL is great enough the way I am.Sorry, I got so far off point because you know, we have so much trouble with regulating emotions, and unstable history so, dafuckoutta here. It’s important to use truth to power, and for empaths to express themselves with all the energies and words and feelings behind that truth, because they have to heal themselves, as we search endlessly for answers or look for hope in a cure for this, we learn one thing very early, we can feel it, see it, and we know doctors are likely not going to succeed because they just use words to see us and don’t look, and no one can know what answers we look for better than we would.So I fucking ramble when the feeling hits me.The fact is, being an Empath, can be our strongest asset but left to run us amok, it is truly our biggest weakness and to our complete detriment at times. Being an Empath, we at first feel like we are so utterly unable to stop ourselves from absorbing this or from it finding it’s way to us, and yet at the same time, we resist any thought of stopping what feels like a natural human response to suffering, or should be anyway. We think its the rest of the world that lost it’s heart and isn’t able to see how this IS fucking intensely painful and important because it’s supposed to be and it was before whatever turned hearts on earth so cold toward one another, so EMPATHS or “insert your insultive medical label here” WE are not even trying to stop it because we feel with all that we are that it is the natural order of things, that we came here this way, the rest of you are the ones that are fucked up, you see, this feels like it is what we were sent here for. To show you love and what it used to look like, which is only a tiny part of the problem for ya’ll.LOVE USED TO FEEL LIKE THIS, YOU COULD FEEL THAT LOVE AND THE INTENSE EMOTION CAME FROM LOOKING AT SOMEONE BEFORE THEY SPOKE AND THEN YOU WOULD LISTEN AND HEAR IT IN OUR VOICE, SEE IT IN THE FORM OF TEARS, BUT LONG BEFORE ANY WORD OR TEARS, WE USED TO FEEL IT BY LOOKING AT ANOTHER HUMAN, IT WAS OBVIOUS WHEN SOMEONE SUFFERED, OBVIOUS TO ALL LIVING HERE ON THIS PLANET LONG AGO.So, truthfully it was your own sense of flawed character that began attacking with words on the natural order of things on this planet when you started practicing trickery instead of what already worked and had been the natural way since our time here began, you chose to be so arrogant as to use BIG WORDS in latin and greek, for MEDICINE WORDS (ego).Our abilities are a gift not a disorder, our reality is our life and our experience, not some character defect you should even slap around words with, so coming full circle, you would have to agree in a way that which should be obvious and easily see what is SO TRUE. Being so easily able to experience another person’s energy so vividly that we picked up on it long before the walk in a room, felt it so intensely that it was like our own experience feels, because we share it with you, and to see someone’s emotions, pain and suffering, makes us that one person in the crowd that a total stranger will come and unload their biggest burden on in less than the time you share the bus from downtown to the suburb stop you get off at.Or when you come upon a random stranger standing in your special spot at the overlook with the 10 mile view, a spot that no one goes to, ever, except you, and when you are there, you always feel like you are missing someone. The old woman who is there she knows you are watching her from behind there, she can even feel your safety, you can feel the pain and the sorrow of this woman, but suddenly she speaks and starts to talk to you, they talk to you without turning your way or meeting you eye to eye, the old woman starts sobbing uncontrollably and screams at the distance about how they miss their life partner, who died last year, and this was the spot they first kissed. The spot they last kissed as well. You’ve been here alone a hundred times and felt this intense emotional outpouring yourself, thinking it was your own, but, was it? Or was it the couple’s first kiss? Or the partner who passed, or the old man returning for one last kiss, looking for his true love? Or is it all of this? We are all part of one another, you are in me and I am in you. Fuck living with BPD.It can be a double edged sword for most BPD sufferers, so what we need to hear and be taught is that we need to learn how to harness and control and best use this gift, we lack the good control or ability to detect when it is time to use “shielding” and exactly what that is, and exactly how to shield ourselves from those people or that energy that intends to do us harm. But, it’s just a matter of someone recognizing this, and helping us hone our gift and powerful insight to heal others, it’s all about knowing WHEN to help someone by blessing them with this gift and when it is time to save ourselves.My other offering to you is, it’s really NOT a lot of work in the aspect that I no longer have to fend off those creepy men who before would see me coming, or pick me out of a crowd, just to target me and take advantage of this trait, being needy or dependent on them, these people, they abused that to the fullest at times, even diabolically intent from day one on harming me by way of triggering my BPD intentionally, they knew how to take that weakness and turn it in to their personal toy. This would include my own loved ones, my biological parents, my greatest loves, even my own children would use this as an option and with absolutely no remorse.Bonus: I no longer have to constantly shoot down gross come-ons from anyone trying to make a move on me like that anymore, or from opportunistic people in a jam who would be so down to form sudden intense friendships, because I had money or food or a spare bed. And they don’t try that today either thankfully.Finally, I’m gonna wrap this up soon here. Let me just say, ohmagawd- that is worth it in itself. When anyone tries to peg me for a vulnerable opportunity while observing this in my personality, boy are they surprised when they realize that isn’t always how we are forever. Yep, cringey one’s are able to set me off and that is my red flag warning to run fast the other direction.I have this super power that is so natural for me: I’m bitchy, and call out culture is my specialty as well, so, I am off-putting to a lot of people, and that’s ok. I don’t really feel I need any more new friends, and I DEFINITELY don’t miss the romantic or sexual relationships either.With all this in mind, when the last serious relationship I was in finally, painfully, disastrously had ended, I knew after a short time that I took to grieve and try to get over her, after all the abuse she gave me, the pain she brought me from beginning to ending, that I was truly never going to do it again. I had no doubt about this, and still don’t, I knew it was something that wouldn’t ever miss again.The only fear of abandonment I have been left with, is, have I finally quit abandoning myself? I guess you Empaths will have to hold me up and see what falls out in the end, but don’t listen for words. I’m finished talking now.

I’m going to go through the process of getting a website up and running from scratch. I’ve broken it down into clear steps and I have tried to make things as simple as possible. Everything from a site builder, perhaps using a website template to web design and using social media to develop your new business website.Ready? Let’s go...Why you shouldn’t rely on third-party sitesEveryone has seen ads for site builders, essentially website templates, that let you “create a website by pushing a button!”.These are typically blogging platforms.Sites like:BloggerWordpress.comTumblrTypePadWixetc.Most offer both free and paid plans depending on how complex you want your web design, if you need web hosting and how much juice you need the web server to maintain traffic-wise.I understand why these sites would be really tempting to the first-time website owner, but you should really avoid them.If you’re just messing around and blogging as a hobby - no problem - feel free to use a website template.But, if you’re trying to build a business website, you’re setting yourself up to fail.Bottom line: don’t do it!Here are some reasons why...Reason #1 - It doesn’t save money: They hook you with the free offer after you've cued in the domain name registrar. But, then you discover that you can’t do much with that free plan.Sure, you can set up a basic blog, but it has ads on it (that don’t benefit you), you get terrible support and you have significant space limitations.So then, you decide to upgrade to a subscription plan.While they aren’t extremely expensive, they aren’t cheap, either.Compared to hosting your own site, it’s similar - sometimes more expensive particularly when you consider its still primarily a website template on their web server.Reason #2 - It’s much more restrictive: This one is another killer to me. At first, you’re not going to be customizing your website much - I understand that. So it's great that you have the site builder and web hosting all bundled together.But, you will stunt the growth of your business website, if you use one of these platforms. Compared to any real standalone content management system (CMS), you have very limited options, in terms of web design, functionality, file access and ability to customize your site - with proper brand development compared to a website template.Reason #3 - It’s not much (if any) easier: The final reason that people are drawn to these website template platforms are that they promise that they are “easier”. For an owner making a business website, this is attractive at first.In reality, I don’t think they really are.If you really know what you’re doing, you can set up a WordPress business website in 5 minutes:Each time you do it, you’ll learn more and get better (and faster) at it.The CMSs that I’m going to show you later in this article are all more powerful, easy to customize and simple to use (to differing degrees) than any of these third party platforms.1. Your website needs a place to live (a.k.a web hosting)The first component of a website that you need to consider is hosting.It might seem intimidating, but it isn’t.Think of your website as a collection of files. When it’s “hosted” on your computer (like all of your other files), only you can open it up.When you host those files on a web server, anyone can connect to that server through the internet.Hosting companies offer space on these servers, or even on your own dedicated web server if you’re willing to pay for it.That’s really all there is to it.You purchase a hosting package from a hosting provider, usually offered by the domain name registrar, and they let you upload your website files (or offer plugins to make it easier). Once you connect that domain name (that’s step 2 - don’t skip ahead!), anyone can view your website.There are a few things that you want to look for in web hosting.Hosting factor #1 - Uptime reliability: If your hosting isn’t operating as it should be, no one can access your website from any web server. This is just as bad as not having a website in the first place.For most small-medium sites in 2015, this isn’t a big problem. However, you should still keep it in mind.Any good hosting provider has no problem offering an uptime guarantee. Typically you’ll see something like a “100 percent network uptime guarantee” by the web server.That doesn’t mean that your site will be up 100% of the time, but, hopefully, it’s close to that. If your business website does go down, these guarantees typically mean that you can be compensated with hosting credits.As to what to expect, your site should rarely go down. If you suspect you’re having issues, sign up for an uptime tracking tool, like uptime robot. It will tell you if you need to find a new web server to host.Hosting factor #2 - Customer service: Things are going to go wrong. Fact. If you’re a beginner with websites, you’re going to mess things up, once in a while.Usually, things are easy to fix, at least to an expert.Say you do something or something out of your control causes your site to go down. The longer it’s out, the more it’s costing you.If you made the mistake, your site will likely be down until the issue is fixed. That’s where you need good web server support. Most good support teams will even have full backups of your site that they can restore, if worse comes to worst.Look on the website for details about the host’s support team:While you may like using email, it’s the absolute worst form of support, when time is of the essence.You want to be able to contact your support by telephone and/or live chat. Both are better, but at least one is necessary.Hosting factor #3 - Speed is king: While I’m not going to go into the fine details right now (they aren’t important before you have your site up and running), site speed is extremely important to SEO.Fast sites not only rank better, but a fast site will also help you to maximize your conversions. Consider this in seeking hosting for your business website.Hosting is only one part of the equation, but an important one. The difference between poor and good hosting can be a 50%+ difference in loading time, which is huge.So, how do you find a fast host?This is tricky, because there’s not an easy way to compare them.You can find articles that claim to have compared web hosts, but it’s difficult to do that and keep all of the possible variables the same:Additionally, you have to be wary of who you can trust. Hosting affiliate commissions are usually $50+, so some bloggers will say anything to get you to sign up for certain web server companies. This is why so many bloggers aggressively promote hosting sites like Bluehost and HostGator.Hosting speed is one thing you’ll never be 100% sure of, until you try it (or you get a trusted recommendation). That being said, keep the following best practices in mind:Avoid shared hosting - Shared hosting means that you’re sharing a web server with multiple other sites (often hundreds or thousands). It’s slow, and, if you get unlucky and share with spammy sites, your business website could even be penalized by Google. Either VPS (sometimes shared, but in a better way) hosting or dedicated hosting (best option) are solid alternatives.You get what you pay for - Hosting is one of the biggest fees in starting a brand new business website. If you have an extremely limited budget and want to go for the cheapest hosting, that’s fine, just don’t expect anything amazing for $5/month. In general, the more you’re paying, the faster the hosting will be. Speed will help connect you in the social media world where you will likely be playing with ads and posts.Spend some time in web hosting forums, until you find a few web hosts that you are comfortable with trying.Then, compare services and prices and pick a plan that works for your budget. Next, you can move on to step 2.2. The perfect nameIt’s time to start putting some thought into what your website will be about.If you already have an idea in mind, this will be easy. If not, figure out what your great idea will be:Earning more money: Finding the right ideaThe Best Entrepreneurs Don't Come Up With Great Ideas, They Solve Market NeedsThe reason that you need to have at least a general idea of what your business website will be about is because it’s time to pick a name for it. You can search millions through domain name registrars, but take your time to find one that resonates with you.Important note: There is no perfect domain name. While some names might be a bit better than others, it’s ultimately a very small part of your business, compared to the actual content on your website. Come up with a few names using the following methods, then put them aside for a night and pick your favorite in the morning.Option #1 - Brute force method: If you’re a particularly creative person, you can try your hand at coming up with a great domain name by yourself, off the top of your head.This was much easier years ago, when fewer good domain names were taken, but it's still possible, if you get creative.Pick any domain name registrar (where you can purchase the domain), and then search for the domain names that you come up with. It will tell you if the domain is available to purchase or not.Note that you should try to avoid using hyphens in a domain name, even if the domain name registrar is trying to give you the deal of the century. If you’re brand new, take some time and review this list of domain name best practices.Some of the most highly rated domain registrars are:NamecheapName.com1and1It doesn’t really matter which registrar you pick, they generally work the same.Option #2 - Use a tool: If you need a little spark in creativity, there are some great free domain name generators at your disposal.They work slightly different from each other, but the process is generally the same.You enter one or two keywords and the generator will look for ways to combine those words into a domain name. The really convenient part is that they also show you if the domain is available to be registered.You can register a name through the link they provide (which will be an affiliate link to a domain name registrar), or just go to your favorite registrar and do it.The first tool example I have is NameMesh. As the name suggests, it tries to mesh words together. If you check the “hide registered” button, you’ll only see domain names that are actually available.Another good tool is Panabee. It works in the exact same way, but could give you different results. If there’s a blue heart next to the suggested domain name, it means that it is available for purchase.Many of the names will be silly, but you’ll typically get a few that are pretty good.Once you’ve picked a domain name, you need to register it and then point your domain name to your hosting account. This is fairly simple. Your hosting company will send you an email after registering that will contain DNS servers (which look like web server addresses).If you Google “[name of domain registrar] + DNS servers”, you can typically find a help document that will show you where to input your domain name within your hosting account.Here’s what it looks like on Namecheap:3. Make building and editing your website easy with a CMSCMS stands for content management system.Remember that you store your website’s files on your hosting server. If you really wanted to, you could edit these files every time you wanted to make a change to your business website.Obviously, that’s kind of a pain to do.A CMS lets you edit your website from the domain itself. You can log in to the domain and then customize your layout, settings and content, as well as create new posts and pages, often using website templates that are easy to use.In other words: It makes creating and updating a website much easier and saves you a ton of time.There’s no perfect CMS. There are hundreds out there, some better than others. In general, though, all of the top ones have different strengths and weaknesses.I’m operating under the assumption that you’re just trying to get a relatively basic website or blog up and running (like Quick Sprout). If you are, stick to one of the popular CMSs that I’m about to outline. It will make your life a lot easier.If you’re trying to create a custom web app or complicated tool, you’re going to need a custom solution. Either partner with a developer for your project or hire a development firm.It would be impossible to show you, step-by-step, how to install each of these on every web server, but you can find a tutorial if you Google or search on Youtube for:“install [CMS name] [hosting company]”Option #1 - WordPress: WordPress is the king of CMSs. It is by far the most popular option for this and it's user-friendly business website templates and ease of social media sharing.Just to save from some confusion: WordPress.com is the third party site where you can create free blogs, but WordPress.org is where you can download the WordPress software to install on a website.WordPress rose to fame as a fantastic blogging platform. If you’re mainly looking to set up a blog-based website, it’s a great option.It features a very intuitive admin back end that makes changing most basic website template options, as well as creating new posts and pages, simple.One area that is both a strength and a weakness is plugins.WordPress has over 39,000 plugins in its library - it’s huge.This is good, because it means that you can use plugins to make WordPress do almost anything that you want it to including using social media to drive traffic to your business website.However, not all aspects of plugins are good:They can bloat your site - It’s important to not get carried away with plugins. If you have too many, they will significantly slow down your website.They can be security risks - When plugins are kept up to date, they’re pretty safe. However, since most plugins are free, the creators often stop maintaining them. Over time, they can become security risks and can lead to your site getting hacked.They aren’t heavily reviewed/tested - Anyone can publish a plugin for WordPress without approval. So, when you install a plugin, you take a risk. Sometimes, you will update a plugin and it will crash your entire site.Overall, plugins are nice to have when you really need them, but try to minimize how many you use.Option #2 - Joomla: Right behind WordPress is Joomla. It’s not quite as intuitive, but is still relatively simple.Again, it’s fairly easy to create and edit posts and pages and you have some control over website settings.Also, like WordPress, Joomla has a large (not quite the same scale) library of plugins. But again, these share the same limitations. They are not tested by anyone and often get outdated, leading to security risks.Option #3 - Drupal: Of these first 3 options, Drupal is the most advanced. It will be the hardest to learn, but it also allows you to customize more. It’s a lot like Lego blocks, where you put together the pieces that you want (not easy for beginners).Instead of plugins, Drupal has modules. It isn’t as big as either of the alternatives, but there’s a reason for that. Drupal shows you which modules are under active development and are being maintained. This goes a long way to mitigating your business website security risks.I wouldn’t really recommend Drupal for a beginner, but if you know you’ll need some advanced customization, it might be an option as far as a website template.Option #4 - Rainmaker: The Rainmaker Platform isn’t even as close to as popular as any of the first 3 options, but I wanted to include it. It was created by the geniuses at CopyBlogger, which is how you know it’s a high quality product.The reason I included it here as an option is because it’s not only a highly polished CMS, it’s a CMS designed specifically for Internet entrepreneurs.Here are just some of the features it provides:Build membership sites, forums and online training coursesUpload, manage and sell digital products like software, ebooks, and moreBuilt-in analytics & reportingBuilt-in A/B TestingCloud hosted, with upgrades, maintenance and security, all taken care of.Export content to WordPress at any time you choose.Those are some very unique and useful features, solving problems that internet marketers often have, without having to find a plugin or service to use.You’ll notice that many aspects look like WordPress, because it is based off of WordPress.One limitation is when it comes to themes (I’ll go into more detail shortly).Rainmaker is limited to Genesis themes. There are currently 27 of them. If you like simplicity, this makes it easy to find an attractive theme, so maybe it’s not really a weakness.Once you pick a theme, it’s fairly simple to apply any custom CSS or design changes that you’d like:One really big bonus is that it supports so many content types.Instead of having to buy a landing page tool or find a good podcasting platform, you can use the content tools provided. This helps with social media brand building.Finally, you can monitor traffic and do conversion rate optimization, right in the CMS. That’s an incredible feature, done in a simple way, which is great for beginner.The main limitation is that if you want a feature that is not built-in, you’re out of luck. There are no plugins on the Rainmaker platform at the moment, so what you see is what you get.4. Brand yourself by choosing a designAt this point you have some sort of website up and running.Now, we have to make it awesome.For any major CMS, you'll install a theme. Themes are built on the basic CMS, but are customized to look and function differently. This allows themes to be built for different businesses: artists, entrepreneurs, podcasters, local businesses, etc.I’m going to go over themes for the main 3 CMSs I outlined above. They all work virtually the same.How to find a great WordPress theme: You have a few different options, when it comes to themes. The first option is to search within WordPress.Go to “Appearance > Themes” in the side menu and then click “add new” at the top:You can sort themes by “featured”, “popular,” or by any advanced “feature filter” that you’re looking for.If you like the look of the theme’s thumbnail, click anywhere on it to bring up a preview window:If you like the preview (on the right panel), click install. Otherwise, click the “X” button and you’ll go back to your search screen.Once you install a theme, you need to activate it for it to light up on your website. You can do that directly from the successful installation screen. Or, go back to your main themes page and you’ll see your new theme as an option.Click it like before, but this time there will be an “activate” option, as well as a “live preview” option if you’re not sure that you actually want to activate it.The second option is to find a theme using a third party site. These are typically premium themes, so expect to pay $30-60 for a theme. You can find some great free themes, but the best ones are all premium options.It’s a one time fee and I recommend it, if you’re serious about your business. You can always start off with a free theme and convert to premium later, though.The most well-known marketplace is Themeforest, but, if you’d like to try others, just search for “WordPress themes” in Google.What you’ll find, with Themeforest, is that there are a lot more options:You can sort themes by category, tag, price, popularity and more. On the right, you’ll see a price for the theme, as well as the amount of sales it has.If you click on a theme, you can see any reviews, as well as a preview and more details about the theme.With a premium theme, not only do you get better themes in general, but you also get support from the theme creator themselves, which can be very useful to beginners.Finding a Drupal theme: Drupal, like WordPress, has their own depository of themes. The difference is that it’s located outside of the admin panel.The search engine isn’t quite as friendly, but you still have a decent amount of theme options (I wouldn’t say as good as WordPress, though):There’s no easy preview, in most cases, so you’ll have to go into each theme and look around for links to documentation and demos.If you do find one that you like, scroll down a bit, under the intro for the theme, to the downloads section. Download one of the most recent versions:Pay special attention to the version number. Version 6 themes will not work on version 7 of Drupal and vice versa.You’ll need to upload the theme into the theme directory in Drupal:/sites/all/themes/yourThemeNameThen, navigate to “administer > themes” and click “enable” on the new theme. Finally, you’ll need to go to user preferences and select the new theme.If it sounds difficult, here’s a short tutorial that shows you how to do it:You can also buy premium themes for Drupal, which I highly recommend. They are much easier to search through, plus they typically look nicer as far as a website template. Again, you can use Themeforest or any other theme marketplace that you’d like:Finding a Joomla theme: Joomla is a bit different, in that you’ll need to find a theme on a third party site. But, if you search for “free Joomla themes,” you can find many solid free options.Alternatively, you can still use Themeforest, or any other premium marketplace.The installation is pretty straight forward. You need to download the theme and then upload it to your CMS.Either watch the following video or follow this Joomla template installation guide, to see how to do it:5. How to edit your website without messing everything upI remember being a complete beginner to all things internet and being scared that I would break a website. While it’s not likely to happen if you’re careful, it can happen.One of the most important ways to protect your website is by using a child theme. A child theme is typically a style sheet that is kept separate from the rest of your theme’s files on the web server.You can input CSS into a child theme to customize the look of your website. There are 2 reasons you do this:It’s hard to break your site - you can always go into your hosting and simply remove the child theme files, if necessary.It protects you from updates - if you update a theme in WordPress (which is needed often for security reasons), it will wipe out any changes that you made in the theme files themselves. A child theme will not be affected, so you don’t have to waste time redoing your changes.Create a child theme in WordPress: The reason that most sites are hacked is because of outdated software. Considering how often WordPress, its themes and its plugins get outdated, you need to always update everything, when possible on your web server.A child theme is a necessity in WordPress.Creating a child theme involves creating a new CSS sheet (you can use a simple text editor) and adding basic theme information (look at the picture below).From there, you just need to upload it to WordPress (like any other theme) and activate it. Since there’s no functionality in your child theme, WordPress will keep using the parent theme (as long as you identify it correctly in the child theme).Here is a complete and simple guide to creating a child theme.Once you have a child theme, you can see it by navigating to “Appearance > Editor”. You can add any custom CSS that you want and then click “save” for your changes to take effect.Create a sub-theme in Drupal: If you go with Drupal, you can’t create a “child” theme, but you can create a “sub-theme”.It’s the same concept. You can apply styles to sub-themes, which will override the parent theme.Here’s a complete guide to creating a Drupal sub-theme.Create a duplicate theme in Joomla: You can’t create child themes in Joomla. The closet you can get is to create a duplicate theme.When you click duplicate, it will create an exact copy of the original theme and become the default copy.Note that this is not the same as a child theme, unfortunately. Essentially, you’re creating a new duplicate theme, once in a while, to serve as a backup, in case something goes wrong.6. After you have a functioning website, here’s what’s next...At this point, you should have a website that works and looks decent.You can finally finish with most of the technical stuff and move on to the things you originally wanted to do.While it will vary, depending on your project or business, try to do the following 4 things next.Step #1 - Get a logo: Branding yourself is important. A logo is one of the main ways that customers will recognize your business.If you have a business already, you may have a logo, which makes this easy. If not, you’ll need to get one created. Here are a few different options to find designers:Fiverr - You’ll pay $5-20 to get a logo. You won’t get an amazing logo for that price, but it may be okay to get you started.Upwork - Post a job here and designers will apply to create your logo. Foreign workers are typically very cheap, while experienced Western designers could cost a few hundred bucks. Again, you get what you pay for.Dribbble - If you want a top-notch logo, search for “logo” on Dribbble. Browse the designs that come up, until you find a designer that you love. Contact them and hire them. This is the priciest of all options.Step #2 - Write basic copy: Right now, you have a pretty empty website. Start by getting familiar with your CMS. Then, create basic pages, like the “About” page.Next, start filling in your home page with the first message(s) that you want new visitors to see.Step #3 - Install analytics: While analytics don’t matter right away, you’ll want them soon.Install Google analytics code into your website, so that you can track any visitors.Step #4 - Plan your marketing strategy: This is where Quick Sprout comes in. Now that you have a website and know how to use it, it’s time to figure out how you’re going to get visitors to the site.I’ve written tons of articles on creating marketing strategies and generating traffic. Now, you can finally put them to use:The Beginner's Guide to Online MarketingHow to Grow Your Blog Traffic by 20,000 Visitors a MonthThe Advanced Guide to Content Marketing13 Content Marketing Hacks That Will Help You Attract More ClientsConclusionBefore you get started with the 6 steps to create your first website, I need to tell you one more thing: Be patient.Everyone struggles a bit when building their first website and most struggle while building their first few. You will get better, the more that you practice.If you’re getting frustrated with something, take a deep breath, relax for a minute, then Google your problem. If you stick to one of the CMSs in this article, there are tutorials for just about everything out there, if you look for them.Alternatively, make use of Youtube. It’s often easier to follow along with a video than it is with a text walkthrough.And, while getting a website up and running won’t make you a success overnight, it’s your first step up the mountain.Keep learning, keep testing and you will slowly but surely see real progress.