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Thank you, Karen Carmichael, for your A2A: How do you figure out which animals, especially cats, would work as comfort cats visiting nursing homes?Determining what animals would best work as comfort pets visiting nursing homes is not something that is easily answered. I’ll deal with cats since that is what you mentioned and since my wife and I use our own cats when we visit a nursing home.First of all, cats are loners. Dogs are pack animals but cats march to their own drummers. By that I mean the cat won’t readily visit a nursing home just because you would like it to do that. You have to look at each cat individually and try your best to determine its likely suitability for the task.We have found that the best cats are our own where we know them, have lived with them, and are pretty sure how they will react. A cat who is laid back and not easily flustered is usually a good choice to consider to take to a nursing home for a visit. You don’t want a cat who is easily startled or who might scratch or bite a resident, nor do you want to take a cat who may want to do its own thing such as jumping onto the resident or trying to leave the room. You want a cat who will be willing to be under your control. When we take our cats we put harnesses and leads on them. They sit atop carts that we wheel to various wings of the nursing home. We let residents pet our cats on the carts but do not let our cats get off the carts. We are covered by OSPCA (Ontario Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) insurance but we also feel it is our responsibility to maintain control both for the safety of the residents we visit and for the sake of the cats. Therefore, a major determinant along with a cat being laid back, not easily flustered, unlikely to scratch or bite, is that the cat must be willing to be controlled. I like to think of the ideal cat as one that is trustworthy, has predictable behaviour, is well socialized, and is probably a lap cat. It is also recommended by several sources that the cat should have its claws trimmed before going on a visit to lessen the odds of serious scratching.We got our Sasha and Velvet in 2008. A friend of mine had long been involved with her dogs in pet therapy in the Greater Toronto Area of Ontario. I asked her about whether cats ever did anything similar. She told me it was uncommon - that cats rarely could pass her organization’s requirements. I found out what was involved. Right then and there I knew there was no way Sasha and Velvet could do it. Sasha would have been perfect and would have been loved by residents BUT Sasha was skittish and would tremble when being taken to new places and would have been too afraid. It would likely have upset her badly enough to have an attack of pancreatitis, something she developed once when we took her someplace with us. Pancreatitis can be fatal and there was no way I was going to risk her life. As for Velvet, well Velvet, then 4 1/2 years old, would spook easily. Any sudden movements or loud noises and she would be likely to run for cover.Sasha died in 2015. We got Peach ear the end of that year. Velvet by then was an older cat, about 11. I had always kept the guidelines my friend had sent me and had tried to condition Velvet to calmly accept whatever might happen around her. Peach, well, he acted a lot like Sasha in his everyday life but he loved to be held and he loved people. Maybe he’d be suitable, or maybe not. We’d have to see.Among the tests that my friend’s organization used to determine suitability for pet therapy interactions were reactions to meeting a stranger, being carried in a crowded room or walking on a harness through such a room, acceptance of handling and touching, demonstration of a stable attitude, passing through a crowd with the cat in a person’s arms with the cat appearing confident and comfortable (any demonstration of shyness or aggression would be an automatic fail), staying in place and being passed to an evaluator who will judge whether the cat tries to fight or escape, remaining calm when a loud noise occurs nearby, remaining under control in the presence of a dog (the cat is permitted to freeze or show apprehension but a demonstration of aggression would indicate the cat was not under control and would mean a failure in the test), willingness to accept petting from a patient simulating palsy with head and hand tremors, and demonstrating stability in a crowd where the crowd has pressed in and a member of the crowd jostles the cat’s handler from behind. If a cat can do these things then that cat can surely be considered ready to visit nursing homes, schools, or other public venues and keep its cool.At the Pet Expo in Brampton earlier this year we witnessed a highly trained cat walking through the crowd on a lead and harness. Lots of people were checking it out, commenting, and wanting to get near it and dogs on leashes were trying to smell it or, in some cases, interfere with it. To me it was amazing. The cat just kept walking, utterly unfazed by all the commotion around it. That cat had been so well trained that I am sure it could do anything!I didn’t know if our cats could pass all the tests I mentioned earlier, but I was pretty sure that they could pass 90% of them and the rest we’d just have to hope and pray about. Velvet had lived with dogs when she was younger. Apparently Peach had as well since when we got him he demonstrated that he understood dog training sign language. That was encouraging as it meant we shouldn’t have too much trouble if St. John Ambulance dogs happened to be visiting the facility when we were. We had tried noise and distraction situations with our cats. Whenever we did that we held our cats, petted them, and reassuringly told them we loved them. We had tried to train them so that they could pass the pet therapy test questions I mentioned.The first time we visited the Caressant Care nursing home, the one we had been assigned while participating in the Humane Society Kawartha Lakes’ outreach program, we just took Velvet. We were very pleased. She performed above my expectations and actually seemed to like meeting the nursing home residents. Of course, Velvet has always been a “people person” in cat form. Our next visit included Peach and again things went smoothly. Now in our second year of visitations we have supreme confidence that our cats will perform well. Nursing home staff like them as do residents and we get a lot of positive comments whenever we visit.Incidentally, we get carts from the Caressant Care Activity Director for use each visit and we divide our visits to ensure coverage of each wing, asking the nurses at the desks in each wing who might wish a visit from our cats that day.Velvet rides her cart at Caressant Care, June 2018 -Peach rides on his cart in October of 2018 -In the above photos you can see that both cats are calm and have their leads and harnesses attached. We are very pleased to have two such good cats!The training requirements might seem onerous, but basically if the cat can handle noises, crowds, and other distractions the rest of what is required to become a comfort cat for visiting nursing homes, schools, etc., shouldn’t be hard to prepare it for.Normally I write Quora articles about cats and prefer to write about cats. Feel free to click on my profile to see them and hopefully read some. Hopefully you will find articles that are helpful and enjoyable.Thank you for taking the time to read this. I try to answer questions I think I can effectively answer but may pass if I don’t know the answer, or if I have previously answered a very similar question, or someone else may have answered the question as well or better than I could, or the answer can be found easily by googling the topic. I hope you understand and are not offended if I don’t post an answer to your question(s).

I’m a 52 year old woman and my kids are in their 30's (just giving a little context there). If I were suddenly single, would I date a guy that was 32? I'm thinking “Not no, but hell no!” I know other people do it and it's not an issue, I'm not knocking them, but for me, I couldn't do it.Reasons I would stick with my own age or somewhat close to it:I'm facing a lot of age related body changes (joint pain, vision changes, weight issues, gray hair) and these things are likely to get worse, probably going to start losing teeth in the next 20 years and possibly having more serious medical problems, I wouldn't want a 30 year old guy to watch me deteriorate. I would want to participate in his life and what if he wanted to do a lot of physical stuff that I'm not able to do anymore?I love everything 80's, (movies and music) and it would remind me every time I made a reference to Duran Duran, MTV or The Goonies, that he was just a baby in the 80s.My grandchildren are pre teens. It would be weird to introduce them to a new potential Grandpa that is the same age as their dad.The changes in technology in the past 30 years have been incredible, and I would want to be on the same page with a partner in the things that we remember from our childhood. Landline phones, the world before the VCR and everyone having cable, records and TV shows. A safer world where we played outside, unattended until dark.I would have been 20 years old and a mother of 3 when this guy was born. He likely has young kids (and I'm no way wanting to start over as a stepmom) or he doesn't have kids and I would feel guilty for being the reason he would never be a father.In 20 years, I'll be 72 and he’'ll be 52. That is a heck of an age gap.My mom married a guy 13 years older than her and my daughter married a guy 10 years younger than her. They both had serious struggles related to the age difference, I can imagine 20 years would be even worse.I’m just a few years away from retirement age, but he'll have to work another 33 years before he can retire, by then I'll be in my 80's and likely getting ready for a nursing home and needing help just to do daily living activities.

How does one measure "quality of life" for an elderly person in a hospital or nursing home?Quality of life is an individual assessment. What makes my quality of life good may be very different than makes your quality of life good.Hospitals are not really thinking in terms of quality of life. Their job is simply to keep people alive if not actually well. Get them stabilized and send them out.In a nursing home it’s different. That’s their home.If you’re looking from the outside in, then you might ask the questions: are they in pain? can they do things they enjoy? do they seem happy? Do they have people that visit them? Are they able to eat, drink? If some of the answers are no, then what can you do about that to change the ‘no’ to a ‘yes’? better pain control? Different activities that they can and want to participate in?That being said, not everyone’s quality of life is going to be good. They may have dementia that causes them to be delirious and anxious. They may not know where they are……every day…..because their short term memory is so bad. They may be delusional and think and see things are not real but are real to them.I’m starting to see younger people, In their 50’s, who have destroyed their brain with drugs and alcohol. They can’t hold a conversation. Don’t know anyone’s name even after being there for months. They can be highly combative and difficult to care for. It’s tough, and sad and hard on their families.