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Thanks for the A2A Siva SYes, that is right Tamilnadu has a large number of Road accidents.I somewhere read that past year Tamilnadu had around 68,000+ Road accidents and I am really not sure if, the number is accurate but I am very sure I read 60,000+ for sure and on a average 100 persons die in a day which is horrible. There are various reasons for this and let me share the informations in my POV.Drinking and Driving:Image Source: Google ImagesIf, you accept it or not this causes the major Road accidents. We cannot blame the government for selling Liquors but we as a responsible Father\Son has to be cautious after drinking. Government creates lots of awareness for drinking and driving but no one follows it and no one is responsible and I should appreciate few Restro-bars and Pubs in Chennai which offer Drivers for the drunk person obviously they will charge but it is definitely a good step.Now being said about the Citizens lets talk about Police. Every weekend we Policemen placed all over the city to inspect and get hold of our great (Kudimagans - Drunk citizens) and yes, they seriously fine them and also provide Charge sheets and all those stuffs but we bribe them to let us go. We really do that and it is unnecessary to blame Policemen because they don’t ask for bribe we go drunk and we bribe them there is a difference. Still Policemen shouldn’t be lenient in such cases and that is when accidents could be reduced due to drinking.Bike Stunts:Image Source: Google ImagesI am not talking about such orchestrated Bike stunts or Flash mob kinda things. There is some serious mafia around this bike stunts thing happening in Chennai and there are many lives been lost not only the bikers but also the public because these stunts happen on a regular days in the public. There are various rules and dangerous adventures added in such stunts. These mafia make sure they get papers signed from the Participants that “The particular mafia has nothing to do with them if, their lives are lost in such adventures and the participant is solely responsible if, some thing goes wrong” and again I read this information from a Tamil weekly “Ananda Vikatan” . Some of the adventures includes:Participant shouldn’t stop in the Signals even though there is a huge traffic. If, they do they are out of the game.Participant should leave the Side stand unfolded and ride on roadsand much more. These participants are adventure freaks and once they qualify they will move up the ladder more like competition and every round have a different set of dangerous rules. When I read this it just sent shivers down my spine.Bad Roads:Image Source: Google ImagesEveryone will definitely agree to it. It is not an issue only with Tamilnadu but whole of India. The contractors who bid for the Road Contract provide bad roads and literally very bad and pathetic roads which sometime leads to bad accidents and not to forget in Chennai there GST (Grand Souther Road) which is also NH 45 and even the roads are pathetic here and these roads connect till Trichy. *Sigh*Negligence of the Citizens:Enough said about this.Government is trying their best and it is really not Government to prevent accidents but each and every individual should be responsible enough before they rise their accelerator thinking will they be able to balance, there are our Parents sitting in our home with dreams about us. People should think before they drink drive that there is a Kid waiting in home, there is a newly married wife waiting etc.,Only if, the individual is responsible enough the accidents could be prevented.

This answer may contain sensitive images. Click on an image to unblur it.A Lived Lives Question!In teaching men;s workshops on sex and sexuality for over a decade and concurrently being a youth coordinator to young males from 14 to 27—-I got inundated with both questions and forms of answers about sex and sexuality that was hetero and non-hetero.There are at least 3–5 Factors that design a primary Sexuality Expression as Top (Penetrative) or Bottom (Receptive) or Versatile (Alternately Penetrative/Receptive).I spent more time at my jobs/workshops explaining men’s bodies to men and the sexual capabilities and limitations to them then I ever thought I would do. As a side note, yes, it then makes I odd for me in dating/sex because I’m a crossed the line long ago expert in things that most men aren’t, the male body and also the female body.How did I initially learn? Both of my parents are college educated, as in a broader auto-didactic way were my grandmother and grandfather and great grandfather, so knowledge, books, information was not culturally or racially limited within the people immediately around me. My parents were also intellectually progressive and in many ways, helpful and self-destructive, free in the sense of social, sexual and mental liberation. They were not conservative about much. I am also an only child so my parents were therefore more suited and relieved to deal with me as a pseudo-equal and rarely dealt with me in “childish ways” so I was exposed to a lot and could ask advanced questions and get truthful, factual answers.We went to a family therapist after my parent’s divorce and she advised my mother not to be surprised if I wasn’t entirely heterosexual. BY that time I’d lost my virginity with both boys and girls and my mother and stepfather both inserted themselves into discussing with me sex, tumbling over boundaries and offers of setting up hook ups—-but still well meaning and open to my blossoming sexuality. Therefore when I came out, after breaking up with my bests male friend, Sean, it wasn’t a comet striking out of nowhere as it was a meteor making a crater but expected for years.Personality/EmotionalityThe internalized context of topping and bottoming has to do with how one emotionally perceives one’s consciousness and emotionality in connection to a personalized sexuality and how one sees the “other” sexually.If we both acknowledge and inspect a sexual attraction to a male we can isolate it to sexualized acts.Do I want/desire him to penetrate me? And what does that mean?Do I want to penetrate him? And what does that mean to how he is?That’s generally an element, a large part, of what initially goes through one’s head when you spot someone.Sometimes it’s a mix of yes and no at the exact same time which can suggest a point/desire/possibility of versatility from one’s self or that the man is projecting mixed signals—-not in a negative way—but many sexualized elements.From a personal pov I can tell you that it feels like do I want to penetrate him, care for him, protect him, find him Robin, not Batman attractive, can I perceive being on top of him, being a form of dominant physically to a man.The confusion of course comes I because I have an internal mental picture of myself, my body and some big old lumbering thing—-6′5, 350lbs, much bigger and larger than me, screams he’s a bottom and wants me.My internal sense does not see my overlapping image to him as able to stretch to be the things he wants done to him, physically. I might be able to physically do it but I don’t feel the same emotionalize towards him. The closest I have come is that two men I was involved with for a long time and a few I dated briefly were directly taller by 1–4 inches than me but didn’t outweigh me and were more Robin, more feminine (which never bothers me), than I am. They fit along my “spectrum of attraction” personality wise even if they were slightly taller.Initial Sexual ExposureIt’s a broader thought/theory that I’ve noticed but males/men who’ve had sex with girls/women first and then switched or switch back and forth, don’t have the same confusion between topping primarily or being comfortable being versatile. The women are positionality practice in some ways. There are some men though who have sex with women and instantly know it’s wrong as they express sympathizing or envying the positionalities.When I initially lost my virginity, I didn’t have those but I can tell you that for the most part, other than obvious physicality differences—-having sex with a male or female body, is primarily the same. But I can say that because there’s no penetration from either into me so I’m performing much of the same actions towards someone (s) who are close to one another emotionally on a spectrum aside from their physical bodies.Personal Experience of PleasureI did so much explanatory work on male sexuality that eventually I just wrote books on it: Pleasuring Tops, Bottoms and Versatiles and Multiple Orgasm Training for Men. (Both available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Shameless plug.!)In MOT, I go into in depth/detail about the male prostate—-about 2 inches into the rectum and then upwards slightly—-like crooking your finger—-or through instruction angling and dipping/directing one’s penis to nudge it.The prostate is of course directly involved in orgasms and ejaculations—-which are two disparate events that seemingly happen together—but is often ignored or unknown to men. So to have it massaged by a finger, fingers, penis, dildo, sex toy, vibrator or fist (yes, that’s one of the reasons why folk fist one another) there is an intense feeling.The feeling is different but similar to the sensation of the stimulation by friction on the corona of the penis, the crown, the side ridges—-which generate a sort of heat/burning pleasurable sensation.Probably due to being inside the body and enclosed, unlike the penis head which is constantly being rubbed against underwear pants, etc.—-the prostate is multiple times more sensitive. Orgasm can be achieved from both, but notice I didn’t say ejaculation.Ejaculation is an event that occurs alongside orgasm like a light switch clicked on at the top of a ladder. But you don’t have to go to the top of the ladder to have an orgasm, you can keep going up a few steps—-orgasming, cool down, come back down, go up again and again and again and never ejaculate if you don’t want.However males in a limited sexuality way learn to hurry up and get to satisfaction/completion. Which is why most men start out as bad lovers to men or women.But if you think about it, if a male feels a sense of wanting to be enveloped and possessed by another men, that translates to a form of emotional/masculinity penetration, he gets penetrated and even in the bumbling beginning can have prostate stimulation—-a much more intense feeling than just penile masturbation. Boom! A bottom is made!Bottoms get more pleasure from penetration because they can also penile masturbate while being penetrated. When one penile masturbates it actually tightens the sphincter—-exterior and interior muscles ——so that an object or penis is tightened against and can potentially crook slightly to more directly rub ridge, head, shaft or knobbed condom-head against or into the prostate.PhysicalityYou’re 5′2, 125lbs——not many men who want that envelop me, dominate Top energy, are going to assume you are a Top.Conversely you’re 6′5 and 350lbs, you might be as nelly as a rapper, but you aren’t the physicality assumption of a submissive, emotional, Bottom that a Top wants to protect, dominate, penetrate.It doesn’t mean that people/men don’t switch up and change and do things—-it does mean that on visual sight line of attraction men project and assume sex, sexuality, sex positioning so if you’re big or small, you get put into a sexual position box. And if you’re in a box long enough and want to have sex, you accommodate to that box because your sexuality may already be a little taboo and you’re trying to get all specific.So some men fall into positions before they get a chance to initially explore what feels good and possible about topping and/or bottoming.A lot of men in my workshops talked about the other male in their teens putting them into a sexual position and they simply planted and grew as that kind of tree. That it wasn't until later-adulthood, where they started exploring different positions.Now, here’s an interesting aside, generally in long term relationships there’s trust and experimentation so the partners lovingly switch and introduce an element of versatility into their relationship. Part of this comes hormonally from two males living in close proximity raises the testosterone levels of the other. So a Bottoms gets his levels raised and can “see” or appreciate his male partner from a different sexual dimension than how they may’ve started out.Alpha/Beta Hormonal TheoryThis dips into Keith Swain's interviewing of thousands of MSM around sexuality and learning how and why men are Tops and Bottoms based upon measuring Testosterone and Estrogen levels.Now most MSM balk at being so easily categorized to hormonal levels pushing 20% Alphas and 80% Betas because of…bluntly, manshit and lack of exposure.Swain has a whole 100 question breakdown dividing into physical attributes, emotional attributes, mental attributes and personal feelings/desires in relationship to men.The current scientific opinion—-if you want to shout “born that way”—-is that it has to do with hormones, particularly estrogen in uteri.You can’t have these eggs without the shell theory expanding farther.I stumbled upon Swain’s work and book in 2007 after years of doing workshops and it bared out because I’d been seeing it in thousands of MSM that I taught/counseled for years. I simply didn’t have his precise hormonal language for it, I had swerved to Dr. Pat Allen’s masculine and feminine energy terminology and my workshop participants worked with that.Once I got Swain’s work and started teaching it, next to MOT workshops—-it is the workshop I get the most trapped in rooms by throngs of men for hours over the 2 hour workshop time ——because finally they have a reasonable, strong theory to reflect their identities against.It works.I don’t just know some gay guys, I’ve met, talked to, counseled, interviewed, assessed thousands of men. No, thousands. And wonderfully, as I have with lesbians and trans folk, I have seen that yes, there is a natural, biologic basis that blossoms identity and sexuality. And that’s OK. In fact that’s spectacular, because it gives us all answers and developmental help throughout our lives.Me Being KyleI’m an Alpha male by biology—-size, voice depth, finger lengths, shoulder plane, hair growth and loss, but also some of my emotional out looks and desires and empathetic obtuseness. There are yes, feminine aspects of self and in the external manifestation (art, home decoration, clothing, etc.) that I gravitate towards because I’m not as rigidly embedded in a patriarchal contextualization of my Self, but if you strip away 20+ years of being out in books, the news, teaching, a TV show, most people don’t know or are confused about what my “sexuality” might be, because I don’t present in certain ways, physically and socially.If I were all wrapped up in being closeted and patriarchal power games and preferences/privilege, that would thrill me to no end. But what it alternatively does is in my personal life, it attracts every confused light-bulb on the planet to me that wants to be protected by a big strong man but doesn’t want to seem that way in their Bottoming desiring gayness that may want to Top me to prove they’re the patriarchal power man but then me Top them as a Bottom them in private, in the privacy of their deeply embedded closet.So they try to emotionally or intellectually (HA!) top me, control me, dominate. And I generally end up just watching this sap play his games on someone whose not even on the board anymore. My own sadness is often watching them try to control what they want me to be for them rather than trying to discover who I can be for myself AND them. (If you’ve dated me and it fizzled and you’re not sure why—-or you were trying to control me—-I was watching you from “space” and tried to speak to or guide you to real intimacy but you wanted to “run the fuck”. And frankly, I bore easily with such patriarchal-misogynistic and misandristic banality.)I have to be direct about being a Top. (I actually have a a baseball cap that says Top. I love wearing it, clears up 90% of bs around me.) I have had to learn to be direct about my attractions to men-Betas, because 80% are Betas and generally won’t approach me——unless it’s in some sort of submissive servitude emotionally icky way—so I have to say what I am, what I like and dislike and ask men out on dates.However, Swain, giving me great Alpha advice, also gives great Beta advice that the vast majority of Betas can’t find men because one, they misrepresent and act like Alphas, and aren’t, or or won’t accept that one has to be Versatile to accommodate self and satisfying others.Most MSM start the negotiation of companionship from what THEY want.“I’m a bottom looking for a 10 inch hung Top, who is strong, independent, adores me, wants to fuck me for hours, has a sense of humor, can do calculus and has his shit together.”Often in workshops I would let the guys go on for awhile and we’d build these data sheets of all of the above impossible garbage.None of that includes another human being with their needs and such.That’s Big Lesson# 1.Big Lesson # 2 is that there is greater safety in being Versatile because the majority, the vast majority of HIV+ men, got HIV from….bottoming. Topping and oral sex are micro fractions of infections and insanely intravenous drug users tend to wash their needles pretty well on average.Being a Bottom is the most dangerous positionality which means that one, you might want to vary it up a bit and two, instead of having outrageous demands for sexual demands and performance, the discussion should be about pleasure, personality, what one needs and wants from a sexual encounter, and what one can give from it.We are not permanently born one position or preference, we evolve in a mature sexuality and try things and in the course of a loving relationship, try even more things. Men with men don’t know this because of the absence of the greatest factor to ever change a man’s mind on what he thought he knew or was or could be:Women.Women teach men to be vulnerable, to open up emotionally especially about sex. Men without women either don’t learn, refuse to learn, are positive they know because they know from no true research and scholarship or slowly figure out ways to learn about themselves and other men—-with the help of folk out there who are studying men.Men are resistant, I’ve found, because to have a non-hetero sexuality is like having a wound, there’s some soreness to it so there is a fear, reticence, to having it explored because it’s been deemed by the society at large, as wrong. The habituation, whether healthy or not, that a man may’ve gotten to in his sexuality and pleasure, can seem “good enough”.Case in point, I just read a snippet about a man talking about giving a male neighbor oral sexy. he went into glorious detail about it. There was no reciprocation after this straight guy had an explosive ejaculation and orgasm. The guy then gets up and goes back home and sits in the dark smoking a cigarette thinking about the servicing he’s just done.Unfortunately, most MSM can’t see the inherent debasement in that scenario because there aren’t social norms for male to male sexuality and expectations of respect, dignity, satisfaction, reciprocation.A fellow coordinator who worked with HIV+ men talked often about how he spent most of his time re=training men to see and explore their sexualities without abnormal perceptions because having been on the margins in society for so long they didn’t know or believe they could have the capacity to change attitudes, positions, be pleasured, explore their bodies or meet a partner who wanted to be explored, everything had to be a rigid top, bottom, oral, service, get fucked, take what you get mentality.I offer the above as a deeper thought-experiment about the question itself.#KylePhoenix#TheKylePhoenixShow