Fire Audit Report: Fill & Download for Free

Because their role is essential and the factory that creates them, the 4 below, fucking suck;They really suck. There is no polite way of phrasing this. They create poor robotized fellers who think in patterns. Introduce a new variable and they are lost.The audit isn't about following a checklist. An A to Z of have I checked everything?It's not about “always finding 1 point of improvement” and hammer on this to prove a point. A point that they did work. I have never seen an audit committee say everything was fine. Because if it is, they will find something and say it isn't…And there is no point arguing. Audit wins.Audit will try to find issues for the sake of finding issues. To prove a point they did work. And boy are they proud.Well, on multiple occasions their findings suck, show an extreme sense of having no real understanding of what they have been evaluating. On and on about a control that didn't matter.. proud they found a missing piece of evidence.The demands audit try to display are worse than those of your ex-wife.I have done annual reports for as long as I can remember, simply because I am a no nonsense, direct kind of a guy. When I have three auditors next to my seat, explaining on how we calculate ICAAP, what reassurance we have that we did well, I tell them a fabricated story.Eventually I tell them, you confident it takes away your concerns?Yeah?Like it does?Good, because you are wrong. The reality is, the work we have been doing comes out of a system called Murex and all the data we have been using for our timeseries actually had multiple similar entries. There were no controls who capture this (like 50 data points in a 2700 day vector were the same). But you don't care, you look at a screen in Murex, see a total ICAAP VaR of £45m, and see £45m in the report, and you blindly believe what came out of this system? Seriously? What auditor are you?I am sorry Ross,As a result of our due dilligence, we found the mistake and initiated our own control. To make sure this didn't happen in the future.Or I have had a case where an audit team reached out to one of our interns, naive as he was he answered all the questions, provided wrong evidence and not much later a “draft” audit report appears, full of errors. Your line manager is furious and wants to know what is going on… not again.Once we were audited by KPMG, who at the time were under suspicison of fraud themselves. Oh man, we put the fire high with these guys.The balance between good/bad auditors is off the scale. For every good 1, there is a factory of useless nitwits who just pursue checklist work, have no interest in proper understanding of their work.That is why, you as manager, ensure, create and develop your own controls. Your own checklists. Audit is not reliable.No one likes audit. Audit is generally considered the scum on the workfloor, especially external audit.

Ok(Every convict will say he is innocent so I think I will present facts the reader can verify and let you, the reader, decide why I went to Prison)From October 1st to December 14th 2012, I served as a contract auditor for the Oregon State Employment Department I discovered 30 million in embezzled funds, fraudulently labeled as software purchases. In my audit report, cited by the Oregonian, I denoted this theft as due to “toxic role combinations" and "organization inefficiencies” this resulted in personnel actions, retirements and resignations of more than 20 agency directors in what the Oregonian labeled a bureaucratic bloodbath. This audit, along with others, led to Gov. John Kitzhaber's resignation.(try a Google search if you don’t believe me)On December 15, 2012 at a Christmas party I shared Nitrous Oxide, an intoxicant, with my ex-girlfriend Brittany Bevard (or Britany Fallon), Lief Standard my former business partner who was also Brittanys’ boss and heroin dealer and one other female party-goer who Lief was putting the moves on while his longtime girlfriend Steph was inside counting money earned from the bar. Brittany was a stripper and a heroin addict, her system could not handle the combination of Heroin and Nitrous Oxide and she passed out. Lief, who had been caught going to the car with me and this new girl, was called over the phone by an irate Steph Lippel. To change the subject off his pending infidelity he told Steph that he had seen me inject Brittany with an auto-injector he knew to contain nothing more than anti-nausea medication he knew I had used while on chemotherapy for cancer…. I know this entire situation was wrong, my drug use was wrong, and I was stupid, high and careless. I am currently in A&D treatment.Sensing something was wrong I took Brittany inside the bar to sleep it off, and Lief used the opportunity, to avoid a fight with Steph, by kicking me out of the club we co-owned. Brittany woke up three hours later in the hospital with only Lief’s version of events to tell the doctor and police.Two months went by, no police contact, Brittany was Ok, she had a new boyfriend(no surprise) who did not tolerate any drug use (a real surprise) so I decided to go to Thailand on vacation with my friend Bob and Scuba dive off the coast.When I return to Portland I am arrested at the airport, charged with the most horrible crimes and placed in a dank unwashed cell in the Portland jail. Like any innocent guy with half a brain I invoked my right to remain silent and called a lawyer (Bear Wilner-Nugent). Over the course of seven months Erin Howell, the private investigator, proved almost all the allegations false. Bear in the process and with my consent, spent my entire savings (a little over $80K). However, unknown to me, Bear also maxed out all my credit cards, emptied my retirement accounts and sold all my and my ex-wife's household items. (to be fair, I had been stupid enough to sign over financial power of attorney because Bear asked me to in order to pay for the Private Investigator). Once my money ran out Bear, without my consent, called my 74 yr old Mother to ask her to mortgage her house if she ever wanted to see me again when she told him she was mortgaged to the hilt, he told her that I could no longer afford to go to trial and she should do what ever it takes to get me to accept a plea, which I had refused. He then directed my PI to call me and tell me there were no more funds for investigation and if I did not take a plea things would go badly. Then Bear called and told me that he had used my power of attorney to negotiate a plea I could live with, one in which I would not have to admit to anything that I did not do, (I had already passed two polygraphs). He told me that the fact I had Nitrous Oxide in the car made me guilty of deliberately harming Brittany and the fact that MDMA was found in a house I hadn't lived in for over a month and a half and had shared with my ex-wife and her new boyfriend made me guilty just because my name was still on the lease (she still lived there and answered the door when the police dropped by, charges against her were dropped). I then tried to fire Bear, who would not agree to be fired as he claimed I still owed him money and the court would not accept it. In court I told Judge Mattratso I didn’t agree to the content of the plea, I felt I was coearsed by my attorney and I once again asserted my innocence..Judge Mattratso accepts the Plea over my protest.(Make a FOIA records request Multnomah case 130331037 or Google the Oregonians account)I get to Eastern Oregon Correctional Institution and one of my Institutional Councillors informs me that federal charges against Laurie Warner,Louise Melton-Breen, Leslie Cummings, the Employment Department's information technology security head and Bob Cummings, the Legislature's information technology fiscal analyst were dropped because my Felony conviction made me a non-credible witness and my audit report was then discounted. The same Councillor then told me that my prosecutor Chris Ramres had received a Governors appointment to Judge immediately after my case was concluded. I then decided to go to the press by mail and mailed Richard Read at the Oregonian. The next week I was transported from EOCI to Deer Ridge Correctional Institution and suffered a very preventable spinal injury at the hands of two transport officers in a transport accident for which I would later be awarded $7000 for what the Prison Doctor, Randolph Peterson, would document as lifetime total and permanent disability.(Go to Public Access to Court Electronic Records and look up 9th circuit Federal case number 314-cv-01483-pk)My letter to the Oregonian was later returned to me undelivered and unprocessed by the postal service at my new prison cell with the documents regarding the audit removed a week after my arrival at Deer Ridge. Six months later, I was then transported to Snake River where I served out the remainder of my sentence. My Post Conviction Relief (a type of appeal) trial was mysteriously delayed till three weeks before my release.(Pohlman v Nooth, Malheur Co. Case 16cv0005)As my Mother died of a stroke two weeks before my release and I have already had to file bankruptcy, I see no harm in posting this and letting the reader decide my guilt or innocence and am hoping I can embarrass the state of Oregon into granting me a fair trial with an attorney who will do his job.My career is ruined and I will never be able to do Cloud Security work again.I now am trying to collect SSDI and learn Bioinformatics. In my free time I do Jupyter Notebook, Python, R, SAS Life Science Analytics and Geneious NGS sequence integration, pro-Bono for a genetics non-profit (with a novel CRISPr gene therapy for cancer patients) who does not wish to be associated with me in public for obvious reasons. I doubt any employer will ever want to publicly associate me again.I have all my information, Polygraphs, PI reports denoting my innocence, Affidavits and audit reports in electronic form and can forward a google drive link to anyone who is still curious.Everything I have posted is public information I leave it up to the reader to decide the rest for themselves.Update 6/22/2018Since my original answer I have been informed about other allegations I would like to address, and wish to do it in one location. (aka a #metoo witchhunt)To: Kiana Judkins and Zehela Matheson: Kelby Patterson came over that night and saw me passed out fully clothed and and you drunk but awake and fully clothed. Should it ever go to trial, which I hope it does, you both should know I have witnesses , and your stories will never hold up.To: Cate Edelstein from http://modentsurvivalliving.com and Innovative Home And Kitchen Tools | iHomeInnovations I’m sorry you overdosed at Burningman 2012, but I had nothing to do with it. I was with friends the entire night pedaling a roving bike bar with six other people from my camp and only briefly returned to emerald city camp to refill supplies. I heard about your case second hand the next day from those who stayed behind and was as surprised as anyone, I gave a statement to the blackrock patrol as to my whereabouts but had nothing to offer ,as I was out on the playa.To: Sara Sanna & Susan Putnam , I stopped paying rent on each of your apartments after you moved in Steve (in Sara’s case) and Trent (in Susan’s case). exploiting my case here in Portland for revenge is pretty petty. You each moved in another guy, for most couples that ends the relationship.

We need to look at what is causing the crash or the sell off,As most of the banks are boycotting the use of credit cards to buy the crypto assests including major banks like Lloyds bank and JP Morgan, actually it makes sense because you can’t spend the money which you don’t have *recall 2008* on things which you don’t know.Again the news from the China on banning is quite depressing since the government curbed all the activities related to the crypto trading and the issue of any new ICO’s, you can see the price dip in NEO which was touted as one of the best currencies in the crypto and since it is of Chinese descent people are selling it off, quite thrilling.Indian finance ministry issued a strict warning by banning the crypto medium as a form of payment, as mentioned during the annual budget meeting held on FEB 1,2018.All the global stock indices are in red and is undergoing a value finding phase, as of this morning the S&P 500 Futures which are the most liquid in the world shed around 2.5%. Shangai, Tokyo, Australian, Indian and even the German markets are following the US market.5. Issues with the Tether : The news confirming the removal of their audit firm Friedman added fuel to the fire of long lasting doubt that Tether was creating coins out of thin air, Tether should have been released pegging an equivalent amount of USD in physical reserve for every coins it is releasing but without any audit we might never know whether the bitcoin hyper valuation pumping was caused due to the Tether as mentioned by Bitfinex’ed – Medium , since the news came last week Saturday and this was quite a sloppy reaction by the market.I can go on about writing all the causes of the valuation crisis which the BTC has, had and will have. In the end it all lies with the audit report of Tether because if something spooky comes out of it then all the weak hands will get flushed off the market and we might see a sell order stacking up without any buy orders, who might know it may reach a price of $500 or even lower. Only time holds the answer and also the audit committee report of Tether. Ciao.To answer your question, we need to find a solution for the above ones, then we can go on about bragging about Bitcoin reaching 100K and the same valuation as Gold(come on comparing it with gold!! what kinda madness this frenzy is causing….)Follow me if you like it, Don’t be shy!!! Hit the follow buttonAbishek Vivek