Aris Solutions: Fill & Download for Free

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I tend to be very diplomatic with people so here’s how I would handle it.I’d call the wife, or husband, of the couple and say something like this: (I’m making up names for the effect)Me: Hi Jennifer, it's Ari. I’m doing a head-count for Saturday’s party. Will you and Jim be there?Jennifer: Yes, we’re planning on coming!Me: Oh, good, so I’ll add the two of you to my count. We’re all going to have such nice time. This is the second “Adult’s Night Out” themed party that we’ve done! Sometimes it’s just so nice to have an evening away from the kids and be able to eat grown-up food and have grown-up conversations without the interruption of caring for the kids! I think you and Jim will really enjoy the break!Jennifer: Oh, my! We didn’t realize that it was adults only. We were planning on bringing the kids.Me: Oh, goodness, Jenn, I love Timmy and Sally, but we’re keeping this adults only. Do you have an evening sitter?Jennifer: Not really. We usually bring them with us everywhere.Me: Would you like me to see if our sitter would mind watching them, too? She’s very reasonably priced.Jennifer: Let me talk it over with Jim and get back to you.Me: Sure, Jenn, just let me know, We’re sure hoping to see you and Jim on Saturday!Notice that I’m not being rude or reprimanding Jennifer for not noticing, or perhaps ignoring, that my invitation was adults only. I also gave her a solution, by checking on my sitter for her. She understands that the party isn’t for children and that she’ll need to find a sitter. I also made sure to tell her that my sitter is reasonably priced which lets her know that if she wants to use my sitter, that she will need to pay for it, like most adults have to when they have an evening out. I was welcoming and fair. If Jennifer has bad feelings towards me after this, then that has to do with her own sensitivities, not my rudeness.

“I need an abortion. Are you going to support me through that?” My voice shook a bit, but I pushed through the phrase, solid in my decision. Despite the firmness in my statement, my hands shook while I waited for his reply.There are a few phrases that can define a relationship and that's one of them. But, I wasn’t going to kid myself- I was looking for definition precisely.To pull words from an encyclopedia to define us would make it easy to see that we were the kind of lovers that laid on two different pages, peering at each other over the divide. My name in the encyclopedia would turn up under the entries, “Liberal”, “Democrat”, “Feminist”, “Left Wing” while his would run beneath the words “Conservative”, ”Republican”, “Evangelical”, “Right Wing”. Those who say opposites don’t attract, have never felt that unique love that holds the North and South ends of a magnet together. And by God, did I want to believe our little magnet was too strong to tear apart, our seams too tightly wound to be split.But split they did, by that phrase that defined our relationship.I didn’t need an abortion, at the time, and both of us knew it. In fact we had never slept together in such a way that could allow such a circumstance to arise, unless I was the Virgin Ari incarnate, and could grow without seed or sowing.We had sat down for an hour now, running through scenarios and this, one of the last ones, was my sticking point. The boy I loved asked me why I said we couldn't continue down this road we were walking, and since our footprints went back far enough, I decided to be honest, and paint what I saw on the horizon for us together. We could imagine living hours apart, attending holidays that weren’t our own, agreeing not to talk politics together, being okay with me not shooting a gun and him not dressing up for Rocky Horror. But this, one of the most important issues, was where we met a roadblock we couldn't pass.The phrase “If you love them, let them free” is an oddly appropriate phrase, which incidentally guided my voice exactly where it needed to be. Gently I told him, every bit of love I could fit, crammed into each word, “*Cole, I love you, and that’s why I would never ask you to compromise your religious and moral values like that. But I don’t hold those same values, and to me, I will always listen to what is right for my life and my body, even if that means getting an abortion.”He sniffled and replied somberly “Ari, what are you saying? I don’t understand?” In a situation like this, I thought the don’t intimated “don’t want to”, but understood that and didn’t press against it- nobody wants to be told that their lovestory is about to end.So I continued more directly, “I won't have sex ever because even the possibility of us winding up in a position like that is one I don't want either of us to endure. It would hurt both of us to have a solution that one of us doesn’t want- be it keeping a child I’m not ready for, or getting an abortion your faith doesn’t allow for. I loved you as a friend before enough to say now that neither of us should have to endure that pain.”Sometimes you break up with someone who is loving and kind because your horizon together has roadblocks that you may only pass alone, and not together. And if you still love them, you hope, you dream, or you pray that one day, the two of you will meet on the other side of the horizon, shake hands, and hug, saying, “We made it out, as friends”(photo by everson vila on Unsplash. com)*name changed