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The more aware you are of a gaslighter’s techniques, the better you can protect yourself. The following are phrases to look for if you suspect someone is trying to gaslight you.N.B.: The “Double-Bind” section is at the end. “Double Binds” are way more dangerous than simple sentences. Very powerful section to be aware of.So ….. Some of the most common phrases, well you asked for it. Ready???BRACE YOURSELF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Section 1 : Stand alone sentences1. “If only you were paying attention…”2. “If only you were listening…”3. “If you knew how to listen…”4. “We talked about this. Don’t you remember?”5. “I guess I’ll have to repeat myself since you can’t remember.”6. “You need to learn to communicate better, I never understand anything you’re saying.”7. “You’re being irrational.”8. “Don’t you think you’re over-reacting?”9. “You’re just over-sensitive.”10. “Stop being so sensitive.”11. “You’re too emotional.”12. “You can’t take a joke.”13. “You’re so thin-skinned.”14. “You always jump to the wrong conclusion.”15. “Stop taking everything I say so seriously.”16. “Can you hear yourself?”17. “I criticize you because I like you.”18. “You’re the only person I have these problems with.”19. “You’re reading too much into this.”20. “I’m not arguing; I’m discussing.”21. “I know what you’re thinking.”22. “You should have known that this was not a good time to talk.”23. “Why are you upset? I was only kidding.”24. “Why would you think that? What does that say about you?”25. “My friends, and/or my co-leagues and/or my family/or my therapist/or my lawyer/or the neighbor don’t agree with you.”26. “The neighbors said you are strange.”27. “Nobody loves you.”28. “Friends? What friends? As if you had any.”29. “Stop taking things so personally.”30. “Calm down, calm down. Why are you so angry?” Just after they’ve thrown at you everything they already knew would make you angry for sure because you’ve reacted many times in the past.Section 2: CONTRADICTIONS and DOUBLE BINDSCONTRADICTIONS and DOUBLE BINDS that are used to confuse the codependent.The following is a list of no win scenarios and double bindsNo win scenario occurs when no matter what choice you make, you are going to be harmed, punished, or feel pain and you cannot please the abuser. You will be damned if you do and damned if you don’t.Double binds are two conflicting demands placed on a person so if the person does either of them they will be punished. The person receives contradictory messages verbally and behaviorally, cannot speak up about it without being punished and cannot leave; they cannot leave. Human communication involves verbal and nonverbal cues, including tone and body language. Here is a list of crazy making no win scenarios and double binds. Doing a few of the things on this list does not make the person a narcissist, but a narcissist will do many of them, and quite often, most of them.1. If you make any small mistake, you are labelled a “terrible” person. Way out of proportion with what you rally did.a. (fact) Humans are flawed beings and everyone makes mistakes all the time, so you will chronically develop the false belief that you are bad. Called chronic toxic shame.2. “You are so terrible and are the worst child, parent, or partner in the world;”a. Later: “I need you stay; you are wonderful”3. “How come you don’t have any friends,”a. Later: “Why are you always going out with friends? Do you hate me?”4. “You spend too much time with all your friends and family.”a. (thinking/behavior) I am going to work hard to isolate you from them and then call you a pathetic loner.5. “You need to spend more time with me.”a. later : “Why are you so clingy and dependent?”6. “You need to be more happy because you are so negative and terrible to be around.”a. (thinking) When you are happy and joyous, I’ll punish you.7. How come you never help me with my problemsa. (thinking) When you try to help me, I’ll call you super controlling, and use it against you in family and friends circles.8. You never prioritize family; you should live near me;a. . (thinking) You aren’t independent enough and I’ll tell people you moved with me to leech of me.9. “Why don’t you make more money?”a. (thinking) You work too much, and I sabotage your efforts through various means, making your life miserable at home so you have no energy/fight left in you for work or get aggressive/hyper-vigilant sabotaging any work relationships.10. “Good mothers should quit their job to take care of the children.”a. later: “How come you don’t have a job?”11. “How come you don’t dress nicer?”a. (actions) When you dress nicer, I’ll say why are you trying to get so much attention from men/women? And I will use it against you in family/friends circles.12. “You need to lose weight you are so fat?”a. later: “You are too skinny now, why don’t you eat more?”b. (actions) I’m buying your favorite ice cream/dessert all the time to make sure you get too fat and I can destroy you after. If you muster the strength to throw it in the garbage, I will instantly buy another one and pretend it’s loooooove and demand you feel grateful.13. (actions) When you don’t have a fit body, I’ll complain that you are too fata. (actions) When you have fit body, I’ll accuse you of being vain and trying to cheat on me.14. “How come you don’t share anything in conversations; you never talk?”a. (actions) Every time you open your mouth, I will insult what you say15. “How come you aren’t more vulnerable with me?”a. (action) Every time you share a vulnerability, I’ll make sure to hurt you over it16. I’ll complain you never help with any housework.a. later: But every-time you help, I’ll say you are doing things all wrong.17. I will blame you for not socializing with anybody at the party,a. later: If you do socialize, I’ll accuse you of flirting.18. I say: “I love you and care about you so much.”a. (action) But I behave like you don’t matter to me, and you get very confused, lost, and doubting yourself all the time. “I’m I to judgmental?” you ask yourself.19. If you feel your feelings, then I will punish you; but if you deny your feelings, it will be painful and you will inevitably suffer and develop chronic anxiety.20. You are expected to do impossible things.a. If by miracle you succeed, I’ll say “It’s not enough” or “things have change” or “it’s not the same” or “it’s too late”, etc….21. I’ll tell you do something, and when you do the thing I asked, I’ll punish you or raise the bar so the task/demand is never complete…. no mater what you do. Not clean enough, not high enough, not at the correct time, not the good color, not at the proper place, etc etc etc…….. Tiny, often minuscule but constant complains about the most trivial things. Over and over again, week after week after week, with some respite in between to give you false hopes that maybe ……. this time things will be different. (cycle of abuse)There are many more double binds but these are the ones that were done to me and my friends.RESULTS and CONSEQUENCES of double binds and contradictions:1. If you take action or not, you will be punished, feel harm, and feel pain no matter what and stress and anxiety will become chronic and daily.2. You suffer from great indecision and anxiety and tons of CONFUSION.3. You are wasting so much time trying to please the unpleasurable that you life slowly slip trough your own fingers without you being able to do anything about it or even being aware of it. Years pass but things seems have grinded down to a full stop in your life. It seams like you don’t achieve anything anymore and if you do, and extraordinary amount of energy is needed to achieve the most basic things.4. You are feeling excessive negative emotions, and you can catch yourself even craving these negatives emotions from time to time when you have a temporary brake. The cycle of abuse cause a Trauma Bound and leads to Repetition Compulsion. Explained in by Patrick J Carnes in “Betrayal Bond”.5. You start to look and act weird and start to loose friends, relationships, and work opportunities. (if you don’t simply loose your job)What to do1. Don’t play the game: Stop trying to win the abusers approval because they will never give it you.2. Remember the abuser is going to label you as bad or a failure no matter action you take or don’t take. SO DON’T TRY TO BE VALIDATED OR CONFIRMED BY THE ABUSER and his/her surrounding.3. Reject the abuser’s narrative of the situation and characterization of you. Create your own narrative about what’s going on in your relationship and define yourself and the abuser. WRITE A DAILY DIARY WITH WHAT YOU THINK IS TRUE.4. Practice trusting you own opinions, point of views, and guts feelings even if it feels unnatural in the beginning. (believe me it will)5. Practice being unloved and disproved of. (this is a biggie, but essential to carve your own path in life, and to have strong boundaries)6. Write down who you where before, and actively do everything in your power to become that person again (with few improvements since now…… you “know”)7. STOP FOCUSING ON THE NARCISSIST AND FOCUS ONLY ON YOU. (I have to humbly admit, I obsessed on the narcissist for at least 1 year and a half, do better than me if you can, but be kind with yourself no matter the time you need)Good Luck to you all ….. Love and light.

My mother was a text book Covert Narcissist. Here are a random sampling of her responses to various situations or decisions that I made in the past. Her angry response to my telling her I was pregnant (I was 29 and married): “How do you think that makes me feel, do you think I want to be a grandmother?” She didnt contact me for a year,until she was “ready”. Her response to my going back to school to become a teacher, when my daughter was 2: “Its too bad your own child isnt enough for you” She thought being an elementary school teacher was low status. She would routinely get angry at me when I was a child over minor incidents (not washing the dishes well enough, not carrying her grocery bags, playing with a friend instead of keeping her company) and stop talking to me all day. A few of her maxims were “ I shouldnt have to ask you to help me, you should see what I need.” “You would feel better about yourself if you put me first.”The point is a Narcissistic mother filters everything through her feelings, needs, insecurities. Its never about you and never will be. She will deny she said or acted in a certain way and will never be accountable for her behavior. My mother would tell me I was crazy if I tried to discuss her actions. You will always be judged and found inferior. There might be a brief respite if she needs you when she gets older. It wont last.

Damn you are gonna expose me right in the middle of Quora’s world, ain’t it kinda unfair?Okay what if I replace just “Crush” to “Celebrity Crush” & can I just mention most girls’ heartthrob Tom Cruise (actor) here? Can I just make other guys envious of him?Yeah I certainly did all.This man would just hit all the floors & rock all the grounds wherever he’ll go.1- The guy in this cosy jacket, keeping him warm but leaving others cold2- This snug-fucking smile3- Look who’s here to slay by gross looks?4- This mid-twenty adult making first debut & exploring new horizons at such early age.5- This evergreen champ (from top gun to top gun maverick, he aged so decently)6- This adventurous nature, a guy challenging & being tough on himself to stun & enjoy7- This down to Earth & respectful, commendable behavior.8- Man knowing to enchant by most accurate usage of goggles9- Ravishing smile on victory10- A month ago, I happened to read that Cruise is gonna work with SpaceX of Elon Musk. They both are working on a project with NASA that would be first narrative feature film, an action one but not MI’s part, so this elusive guy is going to be first actor discovering & being featured in Space-Just Whoaa11- So a couple of months ago, we read that Cruise repeatedly scolding crew for not following COVID’s safety rules, meanwhile he took a respite in shooting of MI 7 too, like who would be so responsible & held himself & others accountable at the cost of his own project, Bravo Man!12- And then we heard that Tom has deployed robots on set to ensure safety against damned COVID, since these robots are highly efficient & sophisticated, he is Okay that they’ll take care of people’s “normal behaving” amidst shooting.And see what, he purchased all with his own pocket money!! Again amazed:)Why I adore him, isn’t just based on his slaying looks, he had some really great qualities, rare to be found in others,like his graceful behavior with co-actors, he can keep the decency & uniqueness in his all projects no matter it takes him a year or dozen of year but he’ll just do it in most amazing way & doing it by himself not others & as we can see since MI 1 to MI 7, everybody impatiently waited for his movies release although it was same Ethan Hunt in all parts.The man manages to walk a fine line between being irritatingly cocky and charmingly confident. He has an undeniable swagger even at his most repugnant and always seems to be flashing a crooked smile. That's a smile that never fails to win the audience to his side.And yeah its been 5 years he has been crush for me, though I know its just a fantasy:)I am 20 he’s 59, but he’s such a baby <3