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I attempted suicide 3 times in my life. I'm 18 right now!Suicide attempt 1 -It was in my 9th class. I fell in love for the first time. Offcourse it's not the true love, just a attraction (realised later).I used to speak with her alot everytime possible. We are from far away different places, hence stayed in campus hostel .I am topper in my class… and yes, this relationship ruined it all. My grades soon fell down. My teachers suspected and warned me.I started becoming worse . Possessiveness overcame my feelings.She got messed up with me but loved me alot. So never broke up with me. But one day , she spoke very close to a teacher. I was very angry on that teacher because he warned me for my grades. So this effected me to shout on her. I written a note in a worst way that , I asked her to marry that teacher in future. I was so foolish at that time… She immediately cut her hand after going to room in the evening. This brought her into light , and our HM spoke to her . But being loved, she covered it up by mentioning she want to go home as she is missing her parents.She was sent to home the next day. But the real reason she said to her friends. Being in hostel, that spread along the campus. But people don't know the guy is me. They jus knew the name . But one of my classmates who is in other section asked me about this. I was shocked. Asked him where did u listen, he mentioned that he listened while one of the Degree boys speaking about this in his bus.I became still & Numb! An incident travelled from school to undergraduate people..!... (My institution have from LKG to PG )… I don't know what happened next. Soon I took a knife and cut my hand. But God came in the form of my friend. And sort out thing with confidence.Later I stopped all the relationship stuff, and I got top again in the finals with a score of 472/500... :-) .Suicide attempt 2 -I finished my class 12 successfully with 85 ℅ in CBSE board. But for my disappointment I didn't qualify for JEE Advanced. I lost my JEE Mains. So soon joined in a local college . But things were not well, with 3 days i quit college and joined in long term.Everything is Good after joining. But it became so complex soon after 3 months.Lecturers started to teach too fast. I was not understanding chapters. And eventually I stopped getting good scores in weekends. My fall was down.Then my well experienced physics lecturer scolded me . He blamed me that I'm wasting my parents money . And all the things got into my heart . That day I went up the building skipping my study hours. No one was there. It was dark. Nearly 7:00 P.m. But I felt it was not true enough to commit for a non effective reason. I came back and started concentrating more & got good scores. :-)Suicide attempt 3 -I lost my senses after writing my JEE Mains exam.That day- 8th April ,2018! I went on to write my exam which is very far from my college. It all came that I carried crayons and pencils for Architecture exam of paper 2. For Paper - 1 ,i.e; Engineering paper, we need to carry only hall ticket and aadhar card. So my father asked me to keep the crayons & pencils in my stepmother home, which is the only house known near to the examination centre. I lost my Mother at my early childhood. Since then I grown up in hostel. My stepmother was good at first , but later she became so worse. As my father lives out of state, he insisted me to go to their home that day.My exam was not well in the morning session. Paper 1 was out of my level of preparation. I was so dull coming out. By 12:30 P.m. I came out. Took an auto. It was 15 minutes away from centre to home by auto. I took a share auto, by 12:50 p.m.,I reached the street. I went to house. But it was locked.A neighbour Aunty saw me and told that my stepmother went to a function at the end of the street. I seen my watch. It's 12:53:. I still remember !Immediately I ran to the place. I found her eating along with few ladies. I met & asked for keys. She told me to eat there. But I pleased her I need to be in the examination hall by 1:30p.m. She given me the keys. I came back running. I was sweating like anything. As soon as I reached up the home , it is in second floor. I started to open it. But for my bad luck , it is not opening. It is not a normal door lock. It is which we find in flats.It is similar to this picture.I tried opening for over 5 minutes, but in vain. I immediately called an uncle in the neighbours . I know him. He is a good friend of my father. For my worse time , it didn't open for him too. It's 1:05 P.m.I started sweating much in the fear of loosing the exam. Just then , uncle called the aunt.she is the one , who informed me about stepmother going to function. She tried for 15 minutes, then suddenly it got opened. Soon I went in with my hall ticket in hands. Placed hall ticket on the sofa & took crayons n stuff in a small cover. I came out in seconds. Went down running. I went till end of the street, soon discovered that I forgot my admit card. I won't even be allowed inside exam centre , if I won't have admit card.I came back . But aunt locked the door . I informed her. She shown sympathy & came back to open it. It started not opening again. I immediately ran to my stepmother. She is still eating . (To be said, she is chit-chating with the group rather than eating.).. As soon she listened the door is not opening, she start yelling at me Infront of all. I begged her to come as the exam is very important to me. She came with me angrily. But reaching near, the neighbourhood Aunty shouted telling the door is opened, from the other end of the street.This added rage to my stepmother. She yelled louder on me. But I didn't care. I ran to aunt, took my needs. Checked thrice . And started running under the hot sun with empty stomach. It was 1:24 p.m. For a moment , I felt I lost my exam. But then , an auto saved me. The auto driver was sleeping. I asked him and said I have exam, but he denied. I requested him I would pay Rs.100/-. He immediately agreed. It would be only 5 Rupees normally. But I asked him as it is emergency.He took auto , but soon traffic suck. I was praying God at that time. My prayers granted and auto moved. He went in full speed. By 1:47 p.m. I reached centre. Few parents told me to run as I'm very much late. Security checked my bag and allowed me. The head of examination examination said “Beta,Run fast…”. He seemed like God to me. I felt he would ask me to go back as I'm late. But it was so nice of him . I entered my class , which is in the third floor. All the students started filling the sheets - Primary information such as name, centre code etc… I sat on my bench. Students along with the invigilator looked at me with a kind of ugly expression. The reason might be I was sweating heavily. But the other invigilator is too good. She asked female attender to bring water. I drank 4 glasses of water.Then exam started, but it went too bad. I was weak, couldn't write mathematics well. But my drawings were too good. I am Good at it. Invigilator appreciated me for that. Aptitude test went average. Finally exam was finished & I came out of my room after all the students left. My head was totally revolving. I was half- conscious.I cried inside for the worst day in my life. Two things kept on pinching me...What will my father,relatives & friends would say or think of me ,studying for JEE for a long one year ,& if I won't crack it.???And the second thing is ,Why in this world, I was alone even I have family.?I seen many parents bringing their children to examination hall & waiting for them till the exam completes. But I have none to care. I know it wouldn't happen if my Mother would be alive.I am too sensitive. It driven me to commit suicide. I went up the building. I looked at everything below. I started crying . ‘I can't crack JEE, my life is finished’- my head kept hitting with these sentences. As I reached near to the edge,I started to shivere. I was bathing in sweat. But after 2–3 minutes of standing on the edge,I don't know why it turned me; but I got back. It was may be fear, the hope or the confidence of life for a better one. I couldn't understand the thing I'm doing. Sat there on the floor for few minutes and got down.I walked to my stepmother home . I took no transport. Walking like a body with no sense. Only the things I got down the day , were running in my mind.Didnot say anyone about it. I just managed to say them that exam went well.It took me a week to come out of that strategic and terrific incident .On April 30 at 6:00 p.m. results were out. And I am Qualified! :-)At present I'm waiting for Architecture results and also preparing for JEE Advanced (I.I.T):-).I learnt a lesson in my life. There is a Beautiful Ending in every phase of my suicide. So life is what it is… We have good days ahead if we are facing problems right now. The only thing is , we should never give up!So Keep moving… Stay Happy , Stay Blessed!Going anonymous because I don't want to be caught up by any of my friends about this suicidesThank You!Keep Smiling …☺.