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I once bought 2 cups of tea and a slice of watermelon in Beijing that cost me $AUD250. Allow me to elaborate…I was on a 4 day business trip and had never been to China, although I’ve traveled to a number of different countries in the past and considered myself fairly ‘aware’.Day one, I arrived and caught a cab to the hotel. I had no cash, planned to only use my credit card while I was away and didn’t even take the few seconds to even glance at the exchange rate before I left. Needless to say, I had no idea about the currency, so didn’t know what things were priced at.The ONLY thing I did organise before I went was my a bicycle hire, as I planned to bike around the city in my downtime. So I checked in to the hotel and then headed straight out with a print out of Google Maps with an arrow pointing to where the bike hire place was.I wandered down a busy street staring blankly at the buildings trying to find my way around when, low and behold, a cute girl approached me and offered to help. She was studying English and would love to practice with me. I was chuffed she had chosen me to help her expand her knowledge of the English language.She pointed me to the bike hire place (my booking was not until the following day) then offered to go for a drink to chat and learn more about Australia, which she would love to visit one day.*As I type this I’m still laughing at myself*Lots of idle chit-chat later (her English was surprisingly excellent, not a fact I noticed at the time) we found ourselves upstairs at a small tea house. Upon reflection, I remembered that the only customers other than myself and new tour-guide were 4 older gentlemen playing cards.So we chatted and had a cup of tea each. Green tea if I recall. The waitress offers some watermelon, to which I oblige, and after about 30 minutes, I of course offer to pay. The waitress presents the bill which total about 1200RMB. Of course I have no idea how much that is, so I hand over my card and signed the receipt, never once suspecting foul play.We cordially parted and I sincerely thanked her for her wonderful hospitality. I trotted down the stairs out into the busy street and headed in the direction of my hotel, feeling quite charmed by this lovely encounter.That’s when I walked past a men’s clothing store with a very smart suit hanging in the window. The price tag read 800RMB. I continued back to my hotel.Slowly… very slowly… the penny dropped. “800RMB for a suit. Wow, that’s cheap!”Even more slowly… “That doesn’t seem right, surely that suit is not a couple of dollars.”I got back to the hotel and asked my colleague what the currency conversion was. About 5 to 1. Slowly the math computed… I just paid about $250 for tea!I quickly called my bank and informed them that I suspected my card had been overcharged and I disputed the transaction. They informed that it was common and I would most likely get the money back.I didn’t.3 months later I received a letter from my bank, containing the exact receipt with my signature right there below the 1200RMB total.To this day I still marvel at the number of man hours the bank invested in tracking down proof of my ineptitude. Surely it totalled exponentially more than the $250 it would have cost to just refund me.

That we don't have a written constitution, but one that's based on precedent. When a tricky constitutional question comes up, no one really knows the answer.We don't get excited about freedom of speech. It's a bit of a non-issue. (And things seem to run smoothly - I'm pretty sure that any group like the Westboro Baptist Church would be banned/arrested fairly quickly. And no one would worry about whether their rights had been violated.) (And someone was recently sent to prison for what they wrote on Twitter. Update: It's happened again: Man jailed for antisemitic tweet to Labour MP).There is no right to bear arms, and no movement (worth mentioning) for a relaxation in very strict gun laws.There is not a big fuss made about the way that the British flag is treated. There is no flag code, and no pledging allegiance. You can set fire to a flag if you like - no one will take any more (or less) notice than if you set fire to any other piece of cloth or paper. You can buy Union Flag toilet paper.It's very, very rare to see a police officer carrying a gun. Most British police never carry a gun.Police in Britain fired their guns three times (that's three gunshots, i.e. three bullets) in 2013. No one was killed by those shots. (In 2012, one person was killed by being shot by the British police - I haven't seen information about how many shots were fired.)The last time a British police officer was shot and killed was 2012 (when two officers were shot). The time before that was 2007.Carrying a knife can get you arrested if the blade is more than 3 inches long and you don't have a good explanation of why you have it. You may not buy a knife if you are under 18 - even a butter knife. There is no movement for a right to bear knives either. Knives: the laws on buying and carryingIn 2011 there were 177,185 people born in the US living in the UK. (I didn't find a source of the opposite - British citizenship is not as clear as US citizenship.) That's approximately 1 person in 300, and includes Boris Johnson, the mayor of London.If you're born in the UK, you are not automatically a UK citizen.There is no separation of church and state. In fact, it's the opposite. The Queen, as head of state is nominally the head of the Church of England. She defers to the prime minister who appoints the person who actually runs it (the Archbishop of Canterbury). The Church of England bishops have a role in the goverment - there are 26 bishops in the House of Lords (imagine that 26 pastors of super-churches automatically sit in congress, and that these people led prayers at the start of each day. )Many state (public) schools are influenced by the church. I went to three Church of England (Controlled) schools - which is very common. In such a school, the local Church of England vicar chairs the board of governors. (I don't know if that's still the case - there was nothing special about it, this was a regular local school).Related to that, the monarch, and the heir to the throne may not marry a Catholic. (This is being debated [Jan, 2013] and astonishingly some people are objecting to changing this rule: Hark what discord follows when you meddle with the monarchy - Telegraph).The education system allows you to specialize early. I did not study history, geography, art, Spanish after age 14. At 16 I dropped French, English, math(s), chemistry, English. (I think you have to do some science up to age 16 now). At 16 you choose three subjects to study.Accents vary within a very small region. I grew up 35 miles North of Birmingham, and 40 miles south of Manchester. My accent would never be mistaken for one of them. (In a murder case, known as the Yorkshire Ripper, police received a tape which they believed was from the murderer. They believed that they had narrowed the accent down to one small town.) Here's a nice video on accents -None of these people have an accent like mine. The closest I could find was:Petrol (gas) costs US$8.60/gallon in London (today's price, today's exchange rate: http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2012/mar/23/petrol-prices-rise ).Unless there is some sort of crossing, you should not cross the street at a corner. (Drivers will not be expecting you there). Crossings tend to be few yards down the road away from a corner.Most people teaching and working in universities are not professors. When I was an undergraduate there was one professor in the psychology department. I then went on to work in another psychology department of a university which had no professors (for several years).There's only one private university in the country. (There are a few very, very small places - but only one that you would really consider to be a university). It's the University of Buckingham.British people have very different ideas about how long a drive is. A 100 mile drive would be a long way. I told my mother I was driving to a ski resort almost 100 miles away. She asked where we were staying, because there's no way that anyone would drive 100 miles in a day, and then just drive home the same day.Related to this, the UK is small. The area of the UK is about the same size as Michigan. England is about the size of Louisiana.But the UK is densely populated. The population of the UK is about that of Michigan plus Louisiana plus Kentucky, Oregon, Oklahoma, Puerto Rico, Connecticut, Iowa, Mississippi, Arkansas, Utah, Kansas, Nevada, New Mexico, Nebraska, West Virginia, Idaho, Hawaii, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Montana, Delaware, South Dakota, Alaska, North Dakota, District of Columbia, Vermont and Wyoming,England, Great Britain, the United Kingdom and the British Isles are all different things. If you call someone English, when they're not, they might be insulted. (But it's OK to call them British, or that they're a citizen of the United Kingdom.)Cricket matches can last 5 days. And if it rains, it's a draw.No party ever gets a majority of the popular vote in parliamentary elections. In the 1997 election (the first Tony Blair won) the Labour Party won more seats than they had ever won before in a historic landslide victory . They got 43.7% of the popular vote (and 63% of the seats in Parliament). George W Bush squeaked a controversial victory in 2000 with 47.9% of the popular vote.British people are said to have bad teeth, until (relatively) recently, having bad teeth was a sign that they were your own teeth, not false teeth. A reason for pride.British plumbing is quite different from American plumbing. In the UK, for example, there tends to be a gap between where the drain pipe ends, and where the drain begins. The drain from the bathroom (not toilet) and kitchen sink might look like this (it's usually got a cover). It's somewhat unsightly (less so with a cover) but much easier to access when it's blocked.If you ever see a very long, very straight road, it's likely it was built by the Romans originally, and it's been updated since then. Watling Street is the most famous example: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watling_StreetTown / city names that end in -cester or -chester (Worcester, Leicester, Chichester, Winchester) were founded, or named, by the Romans and tend to the in the South. Towns that end -by (Derby, Corby, Whitby) were named or founded by the Vikings and tend to be further North.Most people drive manual (stick shift) cars. If you pass your driving test in an automatic car, you will get a licence that only allows you to drive automatics. This is very rare. If you rent a car, it's likely it will be manual, unless you specify that you want automatic.Postcodes are much more specific than zipcodes. A postcode only refers to a few houses, and some businesses will have their own postcode. If you put someone's name and their postcode on a letter, it will probably reach them. If you put their house number and postcode, it will definitely reach them. (E.g. I use to live at number 49, YO31 1BP. There's only one house with that number in that postcode.)The best selling newspaper (The Sun) in the country prints a large, color picture of a topless woman (just to be clear, with breasts exposed), on page 3. Labour party politicians (equivalent of Democrats) are much more likely to want to do something about this than Conservative politicians (equivalent of Republicans).Sometimes you'll see older houses with what appears to be a window which has been filled in with bricks. This is because houses were taxed according to the number of windows - the window tax. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Window_taxThe first time it reached 100F anywhere in England was in Kent (South East) in 2003. (I'm not sure if it's happened again.)'Squash' is a drink. Lemonade is clear and fizzy (like 7-Up).Diet Coke outsells regular Coke.Healthcare is free (at point of use - it's paid for by taxes). I know that most Americans know this, but they don't really understand it until they experience it. If you are injured, you can go to a hospital or doctor or walk in center and they will treat you. You will pay no money. You will provide no ID. (They'll ask your name, for the record, but they won't know if you're lying). If you're in the hospital, it's free. If you're an inpatient in the hospital, food is free. Lab tests are free. Home visits are free. It's all free. (And the UK spends less on healthcare per person than the US).Scotland and Wales have separate parliaments, a little like a state. But they are still part of the UK. England does not have a separate parliament. But the Scottish parliament has more power than the Welsh parliament.If you need medication of any kind, it's a flat fee of around $12 per prescription, regardless of what it is (even if it costs less than that). If you're over 60, under 16, pregnant or poor, it's free. If you need a lot of prescriptions, you can buy a pre-payment certificate - (about) $50 buys all your medication for 3 months, $150 buys them all for a year. (This is different in Scotland, I believe).The exception to the prescription charge is for contraception. That's always free. This is not controversial.Dental treatment is free for children.In June 2012, it was reported that the prime minister was having lunch in a pub and went home, forgetting his 8 year old daughter. http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/jun/11/david-cameron-daughter-behind-pub. This was generally reported as "Ho ho, shows he's human. I've done that too." Imagine if the president had gone for lunch with his daughter to a bar, and forgotten her there. The reaction might be different.An MP doesn't have to live in the area they represent. They don't even need to have any connection to it. Boris Johnson (current mayor of London) stood for election in Henley without any prior connection to it. The reason being that Henley was a seat that the Conservatives (his party) were virtually certain to win. People can stand for election in multiple constituencies (not at the same time though). One way of proving you are a good campaigner is to stand in a seat that your party is very unlikely to win (and hence is not competitive to get the position), and then to do better than expected. Having shown you are a good campaigner, this means you are more likely to be selected to stand in a seat which is marginal.In 1971, the UK changed to decimal money. Before that, the money system was based on that introduced by the Romans and was extremely convoluted. There were four farthings (until 1960) or two halfpennies to a penny. 12 pence in a shilling and 20 shilling (240 pence) in a pound. A guinea was 21 shillings. There was a 10 shilling note, and a sixpenny bit. A crown was 5 shillings. A half crown was 2 shillings and 6 pence. A threepence coin was three pennies. After the changeover, people would ask "What's that in old money?", the phrase "Old money" came to mean the old way of doing something. If you said something was two metres, and I asked "What's that in old money?", I'd be asking how many feet and inches it is. After the conversion, a shilling was worth 5 pence (1/20th of a pound), and was still called a shilling or a bob. A ten bob bit is a 50 pence piece. (A friend of my father's had moved to the UK and was buying something in a second hand store. He asked how much something was, and the shopkeeper said "10 bob". He had no idea what that meant, so he said "How much?" The shopkeeper thought he was haggling, and said "All right, what about 4op?" More here: £sdBanknotes (bills) are different sizes, to help partially sighted and blind people tell them apart. Coins are also designed (thickness, diameter, shape, edge) to be able to be distinguished by touch for the same reason.NOTE: This one isn't really true. See : Is Muhammad the most popular boy's name in Britain? and Martin Beer's comment below. The most common first name for boys would be Mohammed, if there weren't so many different ways to spell it (e.g. Mohammed, Muhammad, Mohammad).There are strict rules about what can be called a city. Towns are sometimes granted city status on special occasions, in 2000, for the millenium, Brighton and Hove became a city, as did Wolverhampton. More here: City status in the United KingdomSales tax is set nationally, and its called Value Added Tax (often, but not always, pronounced 'vat'). It's currently set at 20%. It applies to goods and services (unlike sales tax in the US). It originally applied to 'luxury' goods, but that definition has increased. For example, adult clothes have VAT, children's clothes don't. Hot takeaway food has VAT, cold food doesn't (so if a store microwaves something for you, they should charge VAT, if you eat it cold, they don't). Frozen peas have VAT, canned peas don't. It's very rare for anything in shops selling to the public, rather than business, to have the price before VAT, so most consumers don't know what it applies to and what it doesn't.Children are allowed in many bars and pubs in the UK. Heck, they're encouraged. Many pubs have outdoor or indoor playgrounds to keep children amused while their parents can drink a beer (or whatever).Many cities have a football (soccer) team, or more than one named for them (Manchester City, Manchester United). London doesn't. (Although London has many teams, they don't have London in their names.)Counties are the (another, very rough) approximation of states in the US. But counties get shuffled about more often. Rutland ceased to exist (as a political entity) in 1974, but it was reinstated in 1994.The vast majority of households in the UK will have an electric kettle, for heating water to make tea and coffee.Lots of surnames are named after places. But these don't tend to be large places - there are very few people with the surname "London". Something like your occupation, or your city of origin, would be used to identify you - you were "Jack from London", but if it were a big place (like London) that might not be useful, because there could be more than one Jack from London (so your occupation might be used). The most common surname based on a place in the UK is Burton (which is known for its beer).Grilled cheese sandwiches don't exist. The closest thing would be a 'toastie' or a toasted sandwich (made in a sandwich toaster).Arugula is called 'rocket'.You can drink alcohol in a bar from the age of 18. You can drink beer, wine and cider if you are eating a meal and with an adult at 16. You can drink alcohol at home at 5.Cider always has alcohol in it.Chips (which an American would call 'fries') are typically served with salt and vinegar - ideally malt vinegar. Some pubs which are very finickety about their beer will not have vinegar, in case it contaminates the beer.Marmite is delicious.

While I have met several Indian citizens abroad during foreign travels before, my interactions with them were restricted to a few weeks of travelling together only and thus not substantial enough to form any lasting perspectives on cultural differences.But after moving to Canada, I’ve had the opportunity to interact with them on a more day by day basis where our cultural and linguistic similarities push us closer together under the “South Asian” umbrella.For the most part, the people of both countries seem pretty much the same on a surface level and there’s not much cultural difference to talk about. The people from Lahore and Karachi in Pakistan tend to bond faster with Indians due to big city life acclimating them to Indian mindsets thanks to media boom that happened in Pakistan during the Musharraf era that flooded the country with Indian channels and content.But Pakistan is not only Lahore and Karachi, and I think the core difference between both nations in terms of culture stems from their political culture for the most part, as the politics of both countries shape their respective citizens and the different state of the governments of both countries impacted their citizens differently.India, for the most part, has had a more successful run in the nation-state project historically which has allowed nation wide parties to develop, strong institutions to emerge and a national citizen identity to evolve over the long decades of electoral politics that somewhat faded away the borders of ethnic, tribal and clan based identities over a period of time (not entirely though, with caste and religion sticking on).Pakistan on the other hand, has had a somewhat troubled and murky political history with out state often being at violent odds with certain segments of it’s citizenry, ethnic lines hardening rather than softening and a troubled nation state project that has not yet produced the all-inclusive and all encompassing, effective public institutions needed to dissolve older, historical ethnic and linguistic identities.In a nutshell, due to the absence of an effective nation state project, clan and tribal identity still holds sway in Pakistan to a much stronger level than India and this influences the behavior of Pakistani citizens to a significant degree. Perhaps not so much in the upper middle class, urban citizens but certainly outside of it. Our civil military clashes have also ensured that no nation wide political party has emerged and lasted long enough to forge a national identity thanks to our military’s constant cutting down to size of strong civilian led setups.Personally, I am something of a mixed mutt with half of my family from Pashtun tribal clans who had become educated urban dwellers over time and the other half from Punjabi settled, farming class that contributed members to the military.Pakhtun-Baloch and North Pakistani cultural identities are for the most part foreign to India and its hard to explain the social and behavioral differences that Pakhtuns have with Indians for the most part. But I’ll give it a shot anyway because looking back, it’s surprising how much the culture and politics of the families at the micro level and the state at the macro level influenced my upbringing and behavior.Due to the nation state in Pakistan being an ineffective public service provider, wracked with corruption and patronage politics, public institutions dominated by particular ethnicity, power sharing being unequal within the broader context of the state and regional political autonomy being constantly challenged by a hegemonic center: The state is something to be viewed with suspicion as a Pakistani. All you can trust are your blood, your clan, your tribe and your brethren.This is to an intensity that sometimes perturbs and disturbs foreigners but we carry it on our back wherever we go: A suspicion of the state and a strong pack loyalty.India, due to its more developed economy, politics and stable society has grown into a metropolitan, internationalist feel that has reduced the emphasis of citizens on clan and tribal politics (with some exceptions). The “Indian citizen” is actually a thing with citizens of the state associates themselves with the Indian nation state project and allowing it to define their primary identity. So their behavior and cultural dynamics with each other are far more relaxed and at ease than Pakistanis.Nowhere is this more apparent than when I moved to Canada. It’s the locals themselves here who will tell you the more striking aspect of the differences between Indians and Pakistanis.Educated upper-middle income urban dwellers from Pakistan are fairly the same as educated upper-middle income urban dwellers from India and local Canadians are hard pressed to tell them apart for the most part.But since I’m not from that category, my differences in culture from those of Indian immigrants are easily spotted.For one, Pakistanis in general are somewhat harder to befriend than Indians at first. We are fairly reserved and cautious with strangers and have a thicker shell to crack. This stems from our broken politics back home where we don’t view each other as fellow citizens but with who is “us” and who is “them”. Are you in my pack or not? Can I count on you or not?It’s like we are always preparing for a fight that never seems to break out.But Pakistanis flex HARD for their friends. If you manage to get through our thick, hard outer shell, you have a blood bond with us for life.When I arrived in Canada, a Pakistani friend of mine drove all the way to the airport to pick me up, had me stay at his place for 3 days, got me a place to stay of my own on Kajiji, set up my bank account and cell phone, gave me 2 months worth of rent money, got me a job, set up my SIN number, showed me how to get to school, showed me how to use public transport, got my credit card set up, helped me when i got into trouble once, showed me how to pay taxes….actually the list is pretty long so I’ll stop here. But I had an incredibly soft landing in Canada because of the Pakistani pack mentality. We go out of our way for each other if we have to.Hell, I was the same.In my class, I was cautious and reserved around everyone from the start. That was just the Pakistani nature I bought with me back from home. I didn’t care whether you were local, Indian, Pakistani, East Asian or what ever. I was slow to make friends and slower still to network and connect with people.But what friends I did make, I considered part of my pack.There was an Indian girl in my class who was having a hard time finding a part time job to meet her living expenses. Her attempts to ask other Indian students about job was met with them advising her where to apply, how to apply as well as other useful tips.But when she asked me, and because I considered her a friend, my dynamic went straight to the Pakistani tribal-clan pack mentality.I printed a dozen copies of her CV and went around my near by market handing them out. Then I went to my old boss and badgered him till he hired her. When she didn’t like the job after 2 days of working there, I went to another friend and badgered him till I got her a work from home, online job.It would have been a serious red flag in a Pakistani context if I had done anything less.Being Pakistan, you’re only as safe or as strong as the rest of your pack. It’s something that influences the way we arrange our children’s or our own marriages. The way we talk and behave with each other. Who we ignore and who we bleed for. In an era of a weak state, a tyrannous military, ethnic violence and other heady maelstroms of chaos, the only thing a Pakistani can rely on is their pack to protect them against the violent tides of our country.You don’t JUST ask Pakistanis for a favor. You ask them to fight for you. Pakistan is not an easy country to live in, given our near anarchic state of affairs at times in the government. Which is why citizens flock to the clan and tribal mentality everywhere to defend themselves. The lucky ones go abroad. The unlucky ones form packs. And this is in no way restricted to Pashtun or even ethnic lines in general. Sects like the Ahmedis and Ismailis and Shias form their own packs. The Mohajirs of Karachi form their own. The Pashtun refugees living as IDPs form their own. And so on.In this maelstrom of violence, uncertainty and chaos, we have only God and Blood. And since our God shares no blood with mortals, we share each others. Our relationships with each other have an intensity and expectation of reliance built into them that are hard to explain to outsiders and definitely set us apart as cultures from India.Some might mistake it as “the family oriented nature” of south Asia. This is a simplification. Quite often, the most bitter divisions exist among families. Our relationships with each other are based on who can act as a substitute for public services that the government has failed to provide. Or who can allow access to public resources. I mentioned that urban, upper-middle income Pakistanis tend to bond more easily with Indians and Canadians and integrate easily into life abroad and part of the reason is that they have shed their tribal/clan mentality for a long time thanks to better access to state services and resources in the upper-middle income urban areas of the Pakistani state.I would not say that this pack-mentality is proving to be a advantage in Canada. In fact, its something that I’m having to unlearn slowly.Recently a friend of mine, asked me to see if i could find someone in the airline industry to provide him some advice how to tailor his career towards the airlines business. Not only did I take him to meet someone I knew in the airlines business but I also pressed the other guy till he agreed to let my friend use him as a reference and get some good insider leads on current job openings as well.Similarly, when another friend of mine asked me for a link up with someone in the healthcare industry, I tracked down a director in the healthcare sector and set up a meeting between the two.You might think that my friends would have been pleased with the end result but they weren’t. One was uncomfortable in how much I was doing for him because his cultural context had a stigma in asking help from others in a friendly social circle. The other was unhappy because I seemed to have done more than she asked for.It was a good education in how the Pakistani tribal/clan mentality does not work when transported to the 1st world.Canada’s relationship and social matrix is far more relaxed, self reliant and dependent on the state than Pakistan has ever managed to achieve. Family relationships, friend circles and business networks all exist under the guarantee of public services from the state so citizens are less dependent on each other.When you know the state’s police forces will provide you protection, the healthcare system will give you free care, the government will educate your children in as affordable a manner as possible, you have democratic representation of your interests in the government, the military stays in the barracks and so on: You become less reliant on your family and friends for help. The state takes on that responsibility. The state becomes a replacement for the clan and the tribal institutions of old.So Canadian relationships between people lack that kind of intensity and expectation that Pakistani relationships do.India, due to its longer period of stability, stronger public institutions and increasing reliance on the government has shed the vestiges of old clan/tribal identities more than Pakistan has. So Indians tend to associate fine with the Canadian relationship matrix once they immigrate here. Pakistanis from urban, well off environments as well.But Pakistanis in a more general sense tend to hold on to the clan/tribe mentality. Once we arrive here as immigrants, we are harder to befriend because we consider the price each relationship imposes on us. A friend is not just someone you add on Facebook or say hi to in the office everyday.A friend is one for whom you must be ready to spill blood: either your own or their enemy’s. A friend is one who can call you at 2:00 am crying for help and you’ll walk through a blizzard to their house. A friend is one you’ll give your bed to when they can’t meet rent while you sleep on the floor.They are your clan, your tribe, your blood. And at the same time, you expect them to do the same for you. Your own prosperity and safety is intimately tied to theirs and if they were to fall, you are next in line.We must weigh the price and cost each friendship imposes on us because we must be ready to meet the needs of our friends no matter what the cost. But once you have the title of friend, you can expect anything from us. Trust me, we go our entire lives sometimes not even giving the title of friend to our first cousins we share blood with, if we don’t consider them part of our pack.It’s a symptom of growing up in Pakistan. The state has not yet developed, modernized or stabilized enough to act as an institutional substitute for the older, more ancient institutions of the tribe and the clan. The failure of the state at the macro level influences our relationships with each other at the micro level. We cannot call the police to defend our homes when ethnic riots take place. We cannot treat our children in hospitals whose fees we cannot afford or whom the government strips of funds to pay their cronies.Our relationships, our clans, our tribes are the institutions we turn to fulfill the gap between the states resources/public services and our needs.And herein lies the most noticeable difference in Indian and Pakistani cultures, a difference that has it’s roots in the political history and developmental differences of the Indian and Pakistani states.Pakistanis are more clan/tribal oriented than Indians on average. Our state has not met our needs to a sufficient enough extent for us to be able to rely on it, so we rely on our clans and tribes instead.In Canada and other foreign countries, this means that we carry over our Pakistani clan and tribal mentality more often. We are harder to befriend not because we are unfriendly, but because to us, friendship is both a burden and a deeper gift than can be understood in the 1st world mentality.Our relationship is something that can be relied on to a much much more deeper extent than traditional relationships in the developed nation context where the state meets its citizen’s needs. Calling someone a friend in a Pakistani sense is a price for us, for we must now be willing to do a lot for that friend if they ever fall in trouble. We start preparing for your wars the moment we call you a friend. But we also expect you to do the same for us.We measure you and your worth before calling you a friend. And let you measure ours as well. Our friendships are not relaxed affairs where we catch up on weekends to chat at a bar or a restaurant.We ask ourselves questions like “can I care for his children if something happens to him?”. Or “can I fight for him when he gets into trouble with someone dangerous?”These are questions shaped in the anarchic nature of the Pakistani state. Where citizens have learned to rely on their kin, their blood and their clan more than the state.It translates badly into Canada, where the state is an effective arbitrator and citizens rely on it to fulfill their needs, thereby reducing their reliance on each other. Every Pakistani who moves here has to go through the process of slowly unwinding, relaxing and becoming more at ease as they learn to understand that the state here is not like the state back home. While not perfect, it is far more capable of meeting our needs and acting as a substitute for the clan/tribe/pack that we are used to relying on. That we need to expect less from friends and reduce the barriers for entry into our friend circle as well. A polite no thanks or a polite refusal to a request should not be death knells to our relationships with each other.And slowly and steadily, we learn that the entire country we immigrated to and now call home, is to be slowly and steadily trusted as part of our pack, our tribe and our clan.A typical Pakistani tribal meeting in the Northwest, where the coordination and pooled resources of the tribe serve as a force multiplier for citizens who are deprived of public services and state resource:If we cannot meet again in this life,Let it be so that we care and help each otherBy all means in all our future livesLike a mother loves her only little child.-Last Quatrain, Chinggisid Prince Tsoktu’s rock inscriptions (1624) in west-central Mongolia