Engaging Parents In School Wellness - California Project Lean: Fill & Download for Free

Overall, it's tough. But then, many marriages are tough. I imagine it's tougher to be the spouse of a police officer, a firefighter, a member of the armed forces, a politician... etc. Still, the spouse of a med student (then resident) is going to face some challenges that the average Joe and Jane (or Jane and Jane or Joe and Joe) aren't going to face, that's for sure.Here's what it was like for me, others' experiences will greatly vary (especially kids vs no kids!)!Wife of a Med Student:When we first moved to North Dakota, it was April of 2007. We'd already been married since July of 2005, and had been dating since October of 2001, so we had a pretty strong relationship. This was mostly helpful, but the "tough" part was dealing with the fact that you're not in your "honeymoon" phase of a relationship anymore, you're in the part where you sometimes need to remember not to take each other for granted, etc. That happens in many relationships, but medical school offers some extra challenges in that area. Here are a few specific "what it's like" thoughts (obviously not all are going to apply to every marriage):Displacement (being unhomed, or, rather, rehomed): Medical school can be tough to get in to. There aren't overly many, and the acceptance rates of qualified individuals are NOT high. This means that there's a good chance that medical school is going to mean relocation. For us, this meant moving from Northern California to North Dakota (or, as I liked to call it, South Canada). The first big hurdle after getting in to the dang school (which, even though Dan was nicely qualified, still meant dealing with a lot of rejection at first) is adjusting to your new life somewhere else. We moved from being 118 miles from my family to being 1884 miles from them. Thankfully, my job and company were pretty "portable" and I was able to get a job with the company in our new city. This was a HUGE blessing! This is going to happen all over again during residency, to a larger degree depending on which specialty your spouse choose. I was fortunate that Dan chose family medicine, which meant that our odds of going where we wanted were better (more on the match later).Money Stress: medical students don't have much free time at all, much less to work. Many of them did, but it was heavily frowned upon, especially for the first couple of years, when they were really doing intense learning and studying. This means you're likely going to be existing on a combination of: scholarships (if any), loans (mostly this, and gosh are they going to come back to bite you in the ass later as they pile up!), savings (if you have any, we did not - we both had just finished being students, and all our savings were burned up in the move), and your salary (assuming you have one). Talk about a snowball debt effect...The Missing Spouse: Hours are brutal. What hours they don't actively spend in class, they generally need to spend studying and working on various projects/research/etc (depends on what style of learning the school does). The first term of med school, Dan was in the top 10% of his class. I was also thisclose to moving home to CA without him that term. We hadn't yet learned how to balance our lives to maintain our relationship, and we went through a lot of challenges that term. Honestly, it's tough. In the end, we found a better balance, but the cost of that balance was Dan shifting to being just average in class rankings overall. It was something that he and I both had to come to terms with, and it's one of the first of many compromises that both you and your spouse will have to make in the scheme of things. While some people may be able to juggle being on top of the class and having a healthy relationship, it's tough. To be honest, the top students in Dan's class were mostly unattached. A few were dating other med students, and there was one that had a husband (but no kids). For the most part though, those who had spouses or serious relationships tended to be more average in rankings, and those with kids, well...Med Student Syndrome (this actually continues in residency, as far as I can tell): Those jokes about med students diagnosing themselves and others with these crazy, rare diseases? They have basis in fact. At first, I had to choke back the indignation when he repeatedly diagnosed me with all these rare diseases or disorders or overly scrutinized my freckles (I refuse to call them moles, they are not raised or hairy!). Then I got used to it. Then I started being amused by it. The reverse of this is also annoying - the refusal sometimes to acknowledge when something WAS actually wrong (this moved me into FURY later on when he kept saying our son "just" had a cold, and we ended up in the ER at 2am for breathing treatments - turns out he had pneumonia!). I am happy to report that this seems to start balancing out sometime around the second year of residency (for the most part), so hang in there. There is hope.The STENCH: I'm not sure how all med schools do this, but at the one Dan went to, they had blocks. And during Anatomy Lab block, Dan come home every day reeking of, you guessed it, cadavers. Horrible. HORRIBLE smell. His clothes. His hair. His skin. His shoes. Everything. What makes this even more awesome is if you happen to be pregnant during one of those blocks, as I was. After the first few days of this lab and me running to hurl as soon as he walked in the door, we established a system: He had to enter in the back door, go straight down to the basement, strip everything, throw his stuff in the washer, and get right into the basement shower. Only after he emerged scrubbed and in clean clothes could he come upstairs again and say hi to me/eat/etc. If this seems excessive, you've never A. smelled someone who's just spent all day hanging out in a basement with cadavers and preservatives or B. been pregnant with that super smelling nose AND acute morning sickness (that lasts all day and night). Just trust me on this one.Disconnect: At times, you may have to actually work to connect with each other. This is going to be for a wide variety of reasons - tough schedules, intensity of the learning that your spouse is going through, inability sometimes for them to express what they're thinking and feeling... etc. It's tough. Sometimes, your spouse is best going to be able to connect and vent with other med students or doctors - people that have gone through or are going through what they are. This is tricky though - because it's just like the idea of a "work wife" or "work husband" - where are the lines drawn? When does it start to detract from your relationship? Only you guys can figure it out. One thing I can suggest is that you guys make friends with other med students (or residents) who are also married (or married with kids, if you have kids, etc). That way, you can get together with these other couples/families, and while your spouse is venting to his/her colleague/classmate, you can similarly vent and receive support and give it to their spouse, etc. It's a "safe" way to each get a supportive friend who knows what you're going through, without chancing that fine line where suddenly your spouse is talking more to a classmate than to you, and that can widen the gap, etc. Your time together is limited, and having friends that will mutually benefit you guys will help you guys maintain your own relationship while also fulfilling any other needs to vent to someone who's "going through it" too. Additionally, make sure you listen and pay attention to what your spouse tells you. When I remembered things Dan had told me (troublesome patients, interesting cases they learned about, etc), it was easier for him to build on those things later when talking to me, and for me to have a better understanding of what he was saying. These things helped us to keep talking about things that were going on, so he had less of a need to seek a listening ear elsewhere. I also made sure to share things I was going through with him - we needed to stay involved and connected. We had two whiteboards in our office room at the time, and one he used to work out diagrams and learning on, but the other one, we used to write each other quick notes to find later, since our schedules often conflicted. Anything you can do to stay connected is important.Assistance: One way you can stay involved is to offer your assistance in studying. I cannot tell you the number of physicals I was the "patient" for, the number of times my spleen was felt for, the amount of BP and pulse readings I sat through, the many coughs and other exams I was dummy+ for. And the hours I spent quizzing him on different muscles, drugs, etc... but they were ways for us to stay involved. He spent a considerable amount of time in his study groups, but with me able to help him with other areas of study, he was able to at least spend that time with me and still get what the learning he needed to do done.Imbalance: You may feel like you're the one taking care of everything. Bills. Chores. Cooking. Sometimes, I felt like I was the only adult in the house, especially after we had our first son, and I was juggling being a new mother, working full time plus, AND caring for our house and family. And in a way, it's sort of true. While you may be in another era of your life - career, work, family, etc, your spouse is in a weird stasis period - like a butterfly in a chrysalis. Your spouse is working hard to become something - a doctor - but in the meanwhile he (she) is still a student. Although an elevated student, and one who will sometimes participate in life-saving or changing ventures at the hospital, still a student. And their mindsets can be those of students sometimes - they may not have yet hit the "real" world (many med students do take time off between undergrad and med school to work, but many many others go straight to med school from undergrad). It can be frustrating. Sometimes, I feel like Dan is still catching up in those ways - even now, as a resident, they're still students of a sort and in training. You just have to remind yourself that even while it's frustrating, they are also dealing with a 'real world' that you may not have dealt with as brutally yet - a world of hurts, of pains, and of death, things that they cannot always cure, and a world where a mistake can cost someone a life. They're dealing with stresses of a different sort, and sometimes, like children, this may make them more likely to regress or cling to comfort habits or routines. Dan's 'getaway' is still being very into gaming, whether it's Farcry or Starcraft. I still play with him sometimes, because it's something we both used to enjoy and a big part of why we started dating, but other times, I feel frustrated - like I'm more of an 'adult' now and need that time to SLEEP. Not every med student does this, of course, but I did see it (or hear of it from other med student spouses!) a lot. And you know, we've all got our fair share of faults, so a healthy reminder of your own wouldn't hurt you, especially when you're feeling the most rant-y about your partner.The Match: even the top students are going to stress a bit about this one, especially if they're trying to get into a very competitive residency field. (How does the Residency Matching Programme work?) Add to the normal stresses the things that a married med student may begin to worry about: is the program somewhere my partner can live/work? How far are we from family? If we have kids, how are the schools? Do we want to live there for 3+ years? Etc. We were fortunate in that Dan's chosen field was Family Medicine, a field that was less likely to give us no match, but we still worried about where we'd be. We had to balance the decision based on programs he wanted to potentially go to, where we both could agree to live for the next three years, and how far from family we would be (we were expecting our third son at the time of the Match). On Match day, at his school, the med students gathered, along with their families/spouses, in an auditorium at the school, and they were each handed their match letter, and at the same time, they opened their letters. I remember bursting into grateful tears when we saw his letter: we were coming home to the bay area, home for me, and where all my family resided. Other tears were shed in that auditorium that day, and some where joyous, like mine, but others were tears of disappointment or heartbreak, as others matched to their lowest choices or were given an interim year somewhere else first, etc. Tough, tough day.Residency... oooohhhh boy, this one's a whole new experience!Intern year - this one's a toughie. Your spouse is now a "real" doctor - sort of. Interns have a whole different set of hour rules and regulations now, aimed at making them more rested overall and limited the amount of consecutive hours they can work, but even so, their hours are LONG. And your spouse is going to be tired. Dan could come home in any emotional range - from elated (the first gall bladder surgery he assisted on and got to do the "cool stuff" for) to depressed (the first time he assisted on a code that wasn't, ultimately, successful) and everywhere in between. Some days, he was burnt out on life after dealing with obese patients all day, and he came home frustrated and angry that I'd cooked something "heavy" (spaghetti and garlic bread) for dinner, simply because he didn't know where else to vent his frustrations. Other days, he came home feeling top of the world and cocky, like the first time he delivered a baby himself (with some help from the new mother, HAHA). Sometimes, he came home wishing he'd gone into something more "exciting" like Emergency Medicine (he still has those days), since he loves doing procedures and making an immediate difference. Other days, he came home quietly proud because after seeing someone in an open clinic, that person had asked if he would be his PCP. Interns also often get the 'shaft' so to speak when it comes to overnight calls - they're the ones who generally get stuck holding the "floor" pagers and answering those all night, etc. They also have to study for yet another test at the end of that year, and it's just one more stress on top of a load of others. Your spouse may become really caught up in his (her) fellow residents, and the whole "making friends together" thing becomes important again. What's tough is that the "classes" are small (Dan's program has just eight residents per "year"), and sometimes, you just don't have a ready-made friend like you may have in med school. This has been a big challenge for us, because only a couple of his fellow residents are married, and none of them have children. This makes social things tough. They are *neveR* family friendly, which means that often, I am at home with the kids while Dan is out (though of course, they have very RARE free time, so he's not out often).Missing Spouse Round 2: There are months when I can count on one hand the amount of days we had to spend together. Thanks to their crazy schedules, sometimes Dan would work 13 days in a row without a day off, or he'd have the "day off" only to go back to the hospital for a 24 hour call that evening. Holiday call means that you can depend on spending possibly half the holidays of the year sans your spouse. Hopefully you can work things out so that the holidays your spouse is off are the ones that are really important to you. Luckily, Dan has always been able to switch off of Christmas call, so he could spend the day with us (we have three little boys). Other months, when he's on an intense month, he'll leave before the boys wake up (and these kids are up at 6am) and get back after they're in bed (they go to sleep between 7-8pm), so he literally will only see them on his one day off a week. It's rough.What next? Now that we're heading in to nearly halfway through third year (I say we because this whole journey really has been a team thing), we're beginning to look at what next. He's interviewed, gotten an offer, and we are discussing the pros and cons of each option - there are perks to being in private practice, and there are perks of being a hospitalist or working for a big group (like Kaiser or PAMF). Sometimes we argue, and it's tougher for us, especially Dan, than it is for his fellow residents who are making this decisions solely for themselves - for him, he has us to consider as well. While he's very interested in rural medicine, his wife (me!) is not so interested in living rural anymore. So finding a compromise on what's next is tough. He wants me to be happy. I want him to be happy. We both also want to be happy ourselves. These are things that a single resident doesn't have to consider as much.The Ups:I'm always proud of my husband, because his passion is in healing and helping, and that's something I can really admire. I imagine that most people find reasons to be proud of their spouses - good people change the world for the better every day, in all sorts of ways, big and small - but to be the spouse of a doctor means that you get to see some very "black and white" changes.He's handy sometimes. (Haha!) He correctly diagnosed my sister one time with strep (and mono), when it took her four visits to various Kaisers (and two VERY painful, wearying weeks) to get that diagnosis confirmed (and then the treatment, which made a big difference very quickly!). Also, other doctors tend to treat us better (fair or not, that's just how it is) when they realize he's a resident. One doctor is even so kind as to extend professional courtesy to us, which helps SO much these days, when we're living on his resident salary and have four kids.It's interesting. I've always loved medicine, and were I not such a squeamish person, I'd have loved to go into pediatrics. However, made for dealing with large injuries or massive amounts of blood I was not, so I am always fascinated at living vicariously through him. I read his textbooks and his reference guides, and I am always interested in hearing his stories.He's who he is, and I love that person, which makes this whole thing worthwhile. It's tough and trying, but in the end, it's what it is, and it's worth it because of who he is and what we are.Having our kids in medical school was tough. It's a decision not many make, and for good reasons, but for us, it was something that we talked about and agreed upon. It's definitely made life a lot more difficult for us at times, but it has also made it so vastly rich and rewarding that neither of us could wish it any other way. But then, we've also been blessed in the support from our families - in fact, we live with my parents right now, during residency, to save the cost of renting and start paying back the crazy insane medical school loans, not to mention to give me extra support and company during the long hours! We talk jokingly about when he's a "real" doctor as the light at the end of the tunnel, but the truth is, a family physician is always going to have a semi-tough path at first, especially when faced with the enormous loans from medical school and the drains of a family. But he chose this because it's what he loves. It's what he's passionate about, and it's what he's good at. We know that we're definitely fortunate, even when compared with others in the same program, because although they'll be more financially stable following residency, we're leaps and bounds ahead as far as where we want to be in life - we've got a good marriage that's stood through many different tests and challenges, we have beautiful children, and we have a loving, supportive family.Unfortunately, it is tough, and we've seen many relationships, engagements, and marriages that broke apart along the way through medical school and residency. It's hard to fault anyone in those situations, because sometimes, love just isn't enough, and these things are a drain. There have been times when we've been perilously close to cliffs, and it was only through our own dedication and passion (sometimes me, sometimes him) fighting for the marriage that pulled us through. But in the end, though we've only been married seven and a half years now, we've gone through more trials than many have in two decades of marriage, and we stand on more realistic, firm ground now than ever. We started dating young (18) and married young (21 and 22), and the odds of us lasting were not so great based on those facts, and now, even though in many ways we've both individually changed and grown a lot (we used to both be politically "meh" at best, and we've found that as we age, he leans more staunch Republican while I am a firm Democrat, etc), the things we've gone through have tested us and matured us so that those kinds of disharmony don't tear us apart. I've had friends, even family, aghast sometimes that we can continue to exist fairly peacefully, despite some of our pretty large differences in opinions these days, but honestly, at the end of the day, coexistence - peaceful and happy at that - despite passionate differences is something that the world at large could use sometimes, and I firmly believe it's through the trials we've weathered that we have gained the ability to resolve our differences and agree to disagree at things. We both can keep the bigger picture in mind - the things about each other that we do firmly both agree on, the happiness we have, the love we share, the family we've built. I don't know that without the past six and a half years so far we've been tested through med school and residency that we'd be so sound and firm today in our relationship. Sometimes, it's only through trials that we can find our strengths.So, there you go. An incomplete (you could never write it all) what it's like to be a spouse medical student and resident.Crazy. Wonderful. Awful. Testing. Inspiring.**Update - we've made it! Our marriage is a little dented, but it's still firm. We've both been tested and both had to look again and recommit and decide if this is what we wanted. He accepted a job locally starting up an urgent care (and I couldn't be more proud of him), and we're now ready to start focusing on the rest of our lives. He'll have two full days off a week (wee!) and no more night calls (Yay!), and most importantly, we'll be focusing on rebuilding our relationship in the places it was really worn thin through residency - on rekindling our own friendship together, making friends with others who are where we're at in life, and exploring and adventuring with the kids.

Legal definitions aside, the idea that a group of people doing stuff are either a “business” or a “social enterprise” is a bit silly and limiting and more of an artifact of our current paradigm where most businesses tend to be exploitative and don’t provide a huge amount of social good. Sometimes this is on purpose; sometimes it’s because it’s a small business just trying to survive (which is understandable).It’s classic either/or thinking, rather than AND thinking.Hopefully we won’t really need this distinction in the future. Conscious Capitalism (not the exploitative, corrupted version we often see today) is something that Whole Foods founder, John Mackey, talked about at University of California. It’s perhaps one of the most inspiring talks I’ve listened to in months:And also Michael Porter, a business school professor, presents a case for letting business solve social problems:Though it’s really not a case of “letting” them. It’s a case of them just doing it. Though that can be hard, when, as John Mackey says, businesses tend to have low public approval ratings due to the unethical, exploitative behaviour of some people who run many business today.There’s a lot of concern about public services becoming “privitised,” but that’s only because we assume those private (non-government, for-profit) organisations are going to do unethical things for their own benefit at the expense of people. The reality is a private organisation could potentially do way more good than the (often hamstrung, inept) government-run organisations, because they’re run by people who know what they’re doing and aren’t going to get the organisation mired in red tape. They also might have more cash to get things off to a good start, rather than trying to do things well on an inadequate budget.Then we have Dan Pollotta talking about how charities and non-profits tend to have their hands tied from doing serious good, because of silly, limiting public perceptions:Google—one of the most profitable companies in the world that provides fee-free services to millions of people due to a clever business model—released a letter to their shareholders in 2014 from their then-CEO, Larry Page, that said this:Google is not a conventional company. We do not intend to become one.[...] We aspire to make Google an institution that makes the world a better place.We will optimize for the long term rather than trying to produce smooth earnings for each quarter. We will support selected high-risk, high-reward projects and manage our portfolio of projectsSay what you will about Google, the way they make use of leverage and scale to provide value to millions is probably second to none, and puts non-profit organisations to shame. (Doesn’t have to be that way!)And this video[1] , where Tesla and SpaceX investor, Steve Jurvetson (interesting guy) interviews Elon Musk. In the interview Elon says that he wrote in a shareholder letter that profits were not the primary goal of Tesla.[2]In the same interview, Steve Jurvetson paraphrases something Larry Page said to him:I could give my money to a non-profit, and a lot less would get done than [if I gave it to] a corporation that's perusing things that are directly aligned with what I care about [he was talking about how he thought that if he got hit by a bus, he should give all his money to Elon Musk]That’s not necessarily a bad idea. In 2016 Elon said in a presentation that:[3]The main reason I’m personally accumulating assets is in order to fund this [SpaceX’s interplanetary transport technology]. I really don't have any other motivation for personally accumulating assets, except to make the biggest contribution I can to making life multiplanetary."In fact, one of the things that made Larry Page make Google a for-profit company was seeing how Nicola Tesla largely lived a miserable life, struggling to put his talent to use, despite (allegedly) being a brilliant inventor[4] :Tesla invented the way almost all of the world’s electricity is generated today. He also envisioned and created wireless communication. But he died having spent the better part of his last decade collecting a pension and feeding pigeons, unable to persuade new investors to fund his latest wild visions. He died believing he could invent a weapon to end all war, a way for power to travel wirelessly across the oceans, and plan for harnessing energy from space. He died alone and in debt.Tesla was a brilliant man. He spoke eight languages and had a photographic memory. Inventions would appear in his mind fully formed. [Sounds a bit exaggerated] But he was lousy at business.The year after Tesla died, in 1944, New York Herald Tribune journalist John Joseph O’Neill wrote a biography about the inventor, who had been a friend.“During the last three decades of his life, it is probable that not one out of tens of thousands who saw him knew who he was,” the biography, “Prodigal Genius: The Life of Nikola Tesla,” concludes.“Even when the newspapers, once a year, would break out in headlines about Tesla and his latest predictions concerning scientific wonders to come, no one associated that name with the excessively tall, very lean man, wearing clothes of a bygone era, who almost daily appeared to feed his feathered friends.”“He was just one of the strange individuals of whom it takes a great many of varying types to make up a complete population of a great metropolis.”Forty-one years after those words were published, in 1985, a 12-year-old in Michigan finished reading Tesla’s biography and cried.This was Larry Page.The child of a pair of computer science professors at Michigan State University, Larry grew up in a messy house. There were computers, gadgets, and tech magazines everywhere. The atmosphere — and Page’s attentive parents — fostered creativity and invention.In that moment, Page realised it wasn’t enough to envision an innovative technological future. Big ideas aren’t enough. They need to be commercialized. If Page wanted to be an inventor, he was going to have to start a successful company, too.Tesla’s story also taught Page to watch out for the Thomas Edisons of the world — people who will use you and place your dreams in the service of their own cynical ends.Getting back to your question: Tesla is a for-profit energy innovation enterprise that exists for public good.Elon has said that his focus is not to just do good things, but preserve life and make the greatest possible contribution he can to humanity.[5]We shouldn’t be looking at the legal status of a business—who gives a shit? We should be looking at their actions and their culture and supporting those who are doing great things, and avoiding those who are not.Here’s an example of what working at a business could be like if they shifted priorities, shared by business and leadership pioneer, Marcus Buckingham:Businesses can enrich the lives their staff and customers, the friends and families of those people, as well as the communities they exist in.[6]We just have to design them as such.They can:profit share (1/4 of income goes back to the business; the rest is split, with 50% going to the founders, and 50% divided amongst staff)[7]let staff actually have a life and take huge chunks of leave[8] [9]create a work environment where humans can function optimally[10]take the talent and strengths of their employees seriously and help them discover them and put them to use, for the benefit of everyone[11] [12] [13]Offer unemployment insurance that gives workers 90% of their salary for two years [14]Let employees work less (time spent working =/= productivity)[15]Offer generous paid maternity and paternity leave[16]Let employees experiment and “try on” different roles in the company, and let them go back to their old role if it doesn’t work out[17]Create a culture where employees expect to enjoy themselves at work and have the business give back to them in intrinsic, non-monetary ways[18]That (sadly) sounds like a pipe-dream because we are living in a time when companies are often designed badly and run by unethical people who (often) don’t know what they’re doing[19] . But it’s not a pipe-dream—all of those points above have a reference that points to a real-life example of those things.Some organisations do these things, or are beginning to. Yours can, too.We’ll all be better for it.If you want to learn more about how to do some of the above, I have a Quora blog that’s dedicated to the topic of how we (including companies) can better respect and help people make use of their human potential (including your own):Strengths and talents: engaging the best of youFootnotes[1] 'Profits Are Not Our Primary Goal'[2] In which Tesla stockholder letters did Elon say profits are not the primary goal of Tesla?[3] Making Humans a Multiplanetary Species[4] The Untold Story Of Larry Page's Incredible Comeback[5] Is Elon Musk's mission to prepare for life on mars hypocritical in light of Tesla's environmental focus?[6] ‘The Importance of Hope’ with Gallup’s Shane Lopez – a summary of hope research in foreign aid, schools, workplaces, and leaders[7] THE POWER OF PROFIT SHARING by New World Library Publisher Marc Allen > New World Library[8] Why we’re letting Virgin staff take as much holiday as they want[9] Why Richard Branson Thinks Unlimited Vacation Time Is Awesome--and You Should Too[10] Inside Google workplaces, from perks to nap pods[11] Bruce Achterberg's answer to Why should you pursue knowledge in talent management?[12] Why strengths and talents need to be taken as seriously as physics and engineering[13] How could talents be categorized?[14] 5 Simple Office Policies That Make Danish Workers Way More Happy Than Americans[15] 5 Simple Office Policies That Make Danish Workers Way More Happy Than Americans[16] 5 Simple Office Policies That Make Danish Workers Way More Happy Than Americans[17] Bruce Achterberg's answer to What is the best way to use Gallup's StrengthsFinder 2.0 in businesses?[18] 5 Simple Office Policies That Make Danish Workers Way More Happy Than Americans[19] Only One in 10 People Possess the Talent to Manage

You asked, “I feel like everyone I ask goes to one extreme. So can someone tell me how stressful is a freshman year of high school. Does any of have advice or experiences that could help me before next year?”This is a project on which I have been working for sometime now. First, you can relax about high school because billions of others have gone this way before you and it normally turns out well. It will for you too because you are already thinking about it.I polled several people and posted below are the rough comments. The finished document is weeks or months away from being finished…Allen M. MorrisThings that would help Freshmen to knowOn November 20, 2019 I posted the comment below on my Facebook page. Below in rough format are the responses from about 100 great people. I thank you for your time and I look forward to the neat things that will come from our work and what we will be doing with it with students.Perhaps you will have a comment to make. I am working with a group of underclassmen at a high school. They are putting together a list of things that they wish that they had known before they became high school students. They also want to hear what adults have to say about this topic, so What Do You Believe High School Freshmen Need To Know Before They Become Freshman?Hannah Counts said:If you have the option, take duel-credit classes! Duel-credit courses wouldve helped me out so much more than the AP classes I took.Rikki Salgado said:Agreed with dual credit courses^Don't be afraid to ask for help if you can't find a class. Most upperclassmen are jerks like the TV shows or rumors you hear.Johnna Edwards Smith said:Push the insecurities awayAlex Lichty said:Develop your relationship with yourself first, and don't worry about impressing other people. The people that you need to attract will be attracted the authentic you.Don't compromise when it comes to your interests. They may change, but don't let anyone change them for you.Listen to everyone, take to heart the things that help you grow.The next four years are going to go by quickly, cherish your time.Jahdai Dawes said:I'd say be open to making all kinds of friends. Most upperclassmen weren't jerks to me. I was literally just thinking today at how cool it was to hang out with Lyric Tinsley Hunter my freshman year. Her kindness made it memorable and certainly enhanced my time of adjustment. I'd always say, don't stop standing for what is right. It will always make a difference.Alex Lichty said:As for the actual school part of it...Do the work, and by God try to get as many credits as you can.Also stay on the librarians' good side. You never know when you'll need to do a paper on the fly.Cameron Stouder said:The clics wont exist or matter after high school so be friends with everybody now regardless of what clic or group they are in.Cindy Byers Weatherford said:Take at least one or two classes just for fun. Culinary -life skill leaning to cook. Etc. give yourself a chance to learn something other than requirementsLisa Scott Key said:Read every paper you write outloud to catch mistakes. If you read the paper silently, you will autocorrect words and autofill words you omitted. Melissa Costello, Lisa Scott Key: and read it backwards, from the back/last page to the front page. You’ll catch more mistakes that way too.Kandi Spraggs said:Grades ARE incredibly important... Set goals... DO NOT LET ANYONE … ANYONE squash those goals or tell you that you are not good enough... YOU CAN DO IT!!Josh Kaplan – said:Take at least one elective that teaches you a skill. They will likely stay with you with longer than any math formula or book synopsis.-Grades are important but not everything.-Be well rounded, in your classes, your friends and your experiences.-Be kind to everyone and refrain from judgement. You never know where your lifelong best friend could come from.-Keep in touch with you teachers even after you graduate. They care and like to hear or see how you’re doing.Billy Gray said:Take as many Spanish classes as possible. It will help tremendously in a difficult job market. Don't make babies until after you have a good career.Jerry Bassett said:FOCUS on school, and do not allow the social part to dominate. This is just 4 years of your entire life, but it is a very important 4 years. (It’s just a very short Chapter in your life. Think about how quickly Jr High went by.)Ken McIntosh said:It's okay to say no -- no to smoking, no to drinking, no to synthetic drugs, no to marijuana, no to sex. Being liked and having friends is happens without indulging in these behaviors.Angelina Booth said:Even if you aren't good at it, you'll still need it. Focus on a variety of things, not just what you think you will need in the future. It's ALL important.Anne Haynie Hastie Phillips said:Treat everyone the way you want to be treated. And 10 Years from now.. when you go to your class reunion.. you will realize that the people you thought were important in high school really aren’t and the people you barely remember from high school are the ones that are important… They’re the ones that have actually made something of themselves and are probably going to be the people that you’re going to need most in life, doctors, lawyers, judges, the list goes on and on. The athletes ..the popular people ..the ones that usually wouldn’t give you the time of day in school are the ones that still live in their hometown, have put on weight , continue to gossip about people, but they haven’t done much with their life. So be kind to everyone, treat people the way you want to be treated, don’t burn your bridges and don’t be mean to your teachers.Susan Clapp Hutchinson said:Be kind to yourself, and contrary to what you may think, no one is watching every move you make so that they can make fun of you. 47 years after graduating, I am now friends with people in high school that I thought didn’t even know me. Get out of your own head and get to know the people around you. They may be feeling just as “disconnected” as you do. Gah, I hated high school. Wish I felt as together then as I do now!Dave Plumlee said:Learn a trade or two or three in HS. Construction, Shop, Auto Mechanics, etc.. There is no easy way. Hard work and perseverance will pay off. In saying that, learn the process but question everything along the way. Understand why you do what you do. Maybe you can also improve upon it. Life and the world are so much larger than your "clique" or group or hometown. Be curious. Be kind.Marshall Thomason said:Give yourself the opportunity to try several things. Challenge yourself in your subjects. Give yourself grace when you have a hard time understanding a subject. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your teachers are there to help you. Be kind to everyone. EVERYONE. You never know what the popular kid is dealing with at home, same goes for the unsocial kid that keeps to him/herself. If college is your goal, stay the course; if you don’t plan on going to college, still do the best you can. It will matter in the long run with how you handle life situations. The right people will like the real you. Don’t waste your time trying to be someone you’re not because you will just be wasting your time and you will regret it.Neeta Keeling Hale said:Enjoy the adventure. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Be kind to everyone, even yourself!Bob Belanger said:Listen!Valarie Cobb Dukes said:Most of these still apply to college too Michael Dukes, Jannie Lou Wiles 😘Allen M. Morris said:High school is one of only three times that you get a fresh start. When you go to high school, there is an empty folder in the counselor’s office. For the next four years everything that you do, good or bad, will be recorded and put in that folder. No one cares nor will ask about what you did before high school. The only thing that employers, schools, the military or even the courts will want to see is your folder from high school. It’s your second fresh start in life. The first one was the day that you were born.When will be the third time be? you wonder. When you enter the witness relocation program and it is my hope that you never need the third fresh start because it’s not a pleasant one.Susana Milhoan said:Find something good in your life every day, and :) .Wanda Joyce Lancaster said:Always pay it forward The rewards are overwhelming for those who give and don't expect anything in return.JW Groves said:be open to new ideas ,remember everything can be improved upon. and always listen before you talk you will find it is the wise man who keeps his mouth shut until he knows the lay of the land lol.Jennifer Babus said:Don't worry what others think of you. Spend time face to face with people. Be kind to others. Life is more than what is said on social media.Velda Haynes Renfrow said:Learn ‘how’ to study. Many people have gone off to college never learning how to really study, and some don’t make it thru the first year because of that.Carla McAvoy said:Be kind to your peers and teachers...get your work done. If you can read and work hard you can do anything.Gordon Treichler said:The one thing I wish I knew about Is the power of the "Written down LIST" It can be Goals or just things I want to get done. Write it down and revised the list as needed and watch things get done. It helps to keep you focused on what you want.David Crocker said:Always be kind. Find other kind people. And remember life is good even if it doesn't feel that way at the moment.Trevor Duncan said:I would say for them to enjoy the journey, but get stuff done!!!Mark Melton said:Be courageous enough to befriend those on the outside. Your courage will be inspiring to others to do likewise.Sue Wilson said:Anyone who tells you these are the best years of your life is lying.Randall Capshaw said:The people you choose to spend your time with influence how you think, feel, and act.Tena Trimble said:They need to know that it’s ok to ask a teacher for help when they don’t understand something,Sadie Byboth said:To stay off their phones unless they have specific permission and to stop wrestling in the rolling chairs. Also please wait for the teacher to finish talking before shouting random things.Kimberly Simmons Creel said:And pay attention to the teachers’ directions. Asking “what are we doing?” two nanoseconds after he/she just said what we’re doing greatly decreases the chances of reaching sophomore status.Sadie Byboth to Kimberly Simmons Creel said:AMEN!“Wait, we have a Do Now? (Bellringer)” IMMEDIATELY AFTER I spend a few mins explaining the Do Now.Also, asking the following questions:“Is this for a grade?”“What if I only do 4 questions?”“How many do I have to do to get a 60?”Allen M. Morris to Sadie Byboth said:I grade almost everything Pass/Fail. Once the students understand the expectation, they meet it and That I believe is the best lesson of all. For example, answering 9 of the 10 questions isn't enough. A drowning many 15 feet from shore will drown no matter how good the 10 foot rope is. If a student wants a 70 in the class, s/he must complete 70 percent of the projects completely.Sadie Byboth LOVE IT.I really love my job! I kinda feel guilty broaching these irritants, but as I teach mainly freshmen and overwhelmingly  underclassmen, I def felt like I had something to contribute to this question, haha! These last two weeks have been doooooziessss.Dennis Burns said:How is a Pass/Fail preparing them for the real world? A job interview is more than a Pass/Fail, as is most of the work deliverables. It's one thing to meet the minimum standards, and quite another to excel. Without understanding this, many will wonder why they aren't being promoted, and when labor cuts come - why they were cut while others got to keep their jobs.The real world can't rely on tenure.Allen M. Morris to Dennis Burns said:it is a level of quality. I don't accept it until it's finished. Do you want the tech fixing your brakes to a level of 70%? Do you want your food cooked 70%? Do you want your newspaper article finished to 70%? Do you want your child educated to a level of 70%?Allen M. Morris said:Do you want 70% of your car painted even if the tech did a great job of painting some of the windows?Dennis Burns said:That was the point I was making. Unfortunately, there are many teachers who are burned out, teaching test-taking skills, and hoping their efforts allow them to pass.Life skills are lost, to most. I'm not sure if the teachers themselves know what knowledge needs to be passed along, but all they have to do is spend time with kids outside of school to know that too many aren't learning a doggone thing, that is useful in life.Again, not all of that burden sits on the shoulders of teachers, but they certainly share in the blame.Gina Howes said:The way you feel in high school about social problems won’t last ! Every thing is in that moment! By the time you are 20, everything will change! The things you thought were life or death at that time, you won’t even remember half of those things!!Allen M. Morris said:Half is a really big number. You are just too generous.Gina Howes to Allen M. Morris said:I’m serious! I try to remember why I didn’t like someone, or what they did to me, and I can’t rememberAllen M. Morris said:Gina Howes I hear you on this one. I'm getting some really good stuff here. Thank you.Chris Love-Fortenbery to Gina Howes said:I don’t know you, but this is exactly what I am thinking. Don’t take the drama so seriously. Be who you are and develop who you are. Focus on becoming more yourself. You will likely rarely see the majority of these people after graduation. Focus on developing true friends, be a nice, good person & have fun.Billy Gray said:A banker or lawyer or someone of age and experience told me something like that once. If it doesn't effect you, you can't chang it, or do something about it, then don't worry about it. Seriously ask yourself. Does it effect me? Can I or am I willing to do something about it? It's sad to say that I was in my late 20s when I heard these words of wisdom but it helps me a lot.Allen M. Morris said:Regarding the Banker story… A wise old retired bank president once told me, “I never cared if the bank was making any money. I only cared if the bank was being of Service to the Community. Because, if the bank was being of Service, it would make money. If the bank put its focus on making money, it would no longer have its focus on being of service and soon it would go out of business.” After he retired, the new board shifted its focus on “Making Money” and it soon went out of business. In short, Be Of Service!Larina Harris said:College is not party time. Think about consequences before making choices.Allen M. Morris said:It was said to me, "So you think that you are having fun in college. Just wait until you have an income. Then you will have fun, much more fun, real fun, and the better you do in college, the better and more real fun you will have."Jeri Lovett Harrell said:People will forget what you said and did but will never forget the way you made them feel. Everyone is important.Allen M. Morris to Jeri Lovett Harrell said:You are right. Though it's been more than 40 years, I remember how you made me feel: special and important.Jeri Lovett Harrell said:Allen, you always have been!❤️Karen Crocker said:Be kind to yourself with your words and deeds then you will know how to treat others the same way.Johnnie Riley Davis said:Keep your priorities right. Develop good habits. Be organized, it will save tons of time. Choose your mate carefully....it will be 90 % of your happiness, or 90% of your misery.Cody Hughes said:Ask all the girls out, she might say yesAbigail Thomas said:try your hardest to be nice to everyone. create study groups when they are needed. remember they can be helpful but also fun. take spanish classes. being bilingual will get you a heads up in life. take every dual credit class possible. choose at least two extracurricular activities to participate in. the best grades will not help for college acceptance if no extracurriculars have been done. use grammarly when needed.Nancy Vonfeldt said:Find a group like band, sports, or a club. Be open to try new activities you might like. This can be the best experience in life or the worst depending on how you become involved. Positive attitude can greatly be your best asset. Get to know your teachers.Michael Gordon said:Allen M. Morris... 1. If they KNOW what they want to do most of the rest of their lives ( heck I am approaching 57, APRN, left in my doctoral program and sometimes still feel like I haven't gotten there).... but at 14/15 if they know... then pursue that with a zeal BUT enjoy life every splendid second of it ...yet DO NOT succumb to the social pressures, if they are bullies in their life REMOVE them from their sphere of influence.2. if they want to pursue the trades PLEASE DO, some plumbers and mechanics easily top over 100k a year.3. The world is their canvas, paint it to their joy4. If faith is important ALWAYS serve that as well.5. Above ALL... NEVER EVER EVER Quit learning, be it a language, a skill, a game,Margaret Morris Brown said:Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.Sunni CK said:Please take High School seriouslyKim Cotham said:Be comfortable with who you are; the most popular kids in school don’t usually turn out to be the most successfulCharles Looney said:Keep your eyes on the prize. Graduate.Roger Cline said:The world after high school is not the way you think it is. It's probably harder than you think. Listen to and believe people who have been through it.Allen M. Morris said:Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.Right is Right even if no one is doing it.When it comes down to it, never knowingly do the wrong thing.Or in other words, Always believe that what you are doing is the right thing.What you do in your private life will become public at some point.Avoid doing things that start off with someone saying things like, “No one will ever know…” or “It’s our secret!”Katie McCoy said:They dont actually stuff you into lockers😖 relax.Allen M. Morris said:I was put in the Dumpster. Not only did I get stuffed in a Dumpster, but another time, I was placed in a sack, had my face painted, eggs were broken in my hair, and I had to march from the school to the town center to drink beer with the professors. It was called a Kick-In for the Freshmen. I do not like beer.Pam Steel said:If they enter high school as a freshman and quickly learn it's not all they thought it was going to be - they need to hang on. There's a great big world after high school. Try to make the best of high school - but if they find it to be a really difficult time of their life - they should know that their time to shine might be after high school and they might really find their place in the world after they leave high school (not during their high school years)Allen M. Morris Absolutely! and well said too.... though you wrote it....J Ac Moore said:List is so long:(1) befriend your teachers(2) volunteer more(3) be kind(4) document in photos and keep a journal. *Not everything has to be shared on social media*(5) these years will pass by fast, but they are NOT as good as it gets.(6) don’t be afraid to actually try. Apply for that college, or travel instead of school. Or even look into a trade.(7) enjoy your young body (exercise more) -you might not realize it but someday you won’t be as agile.(8) don’t be in a hurry to grow up, it will happen. Enjoy being a kid. Ignorance is truly bliss.(9) Have a heart of gratitude. It makes life less painful.(10) spend less time on things that are fleeting(11) forgiveJohnnie Riley Davis said:I like number 4. Photos are our true material treasures since they capture moments in time.Beth Hicks said:Keep trying to be a better person each day than you were the day before. Don't be afraid to get outside of your comfort zone.and don't let people try to influence your choices. Have a positive outlook and don't get sucked into dramatic people. Try to make the best choices for you. And do your very best.Lynne Tinsley said:Leave every place better than you found it. AND Remember that everyone hurts at sometime, when you're really down find someone else who needs cheering up, needs help, or just a kind word MAKE THEIR DAY and yours will also be better.Gary Bradley said:Question even your teachers, but remember you haven't the experience yet that others have. Always question "facts" that are "given" e.g. without support. Learn rational thinking involving logic; not this brainless thing called critical thinking, which is neither. And remember there are too many teachers with political agendas.Don Finnie said:Two things: for the cool kids in high school, high school was the highlight of their life. I am in my sixties, and my life just keeps getting better.Number two: high school is real life. Decisions you make there can change the direction of your life. I got lazy and did not take calculus my senior year. I could not keep up in college with all the kids that had taken it. So instead of being an engineer, I became an accountant. I still wish I was an engineer.Meg Belanger said:Join a group which will become your school family - theatre band, choir, sports or newspaper. Find a teacher to talk to.Clint Thomas said:The only thing that truly matters right now is your education. Pay attention. Dont worry about being popular. The day after you graduate, no one will care how cool you were in high school.William Talbert said:Right off the top, I'd recommend a much better understanding the history our country, the US military, history of the world.Also, some of the basics, math that we using in purchasing every day items. Number if yards/feet in a mile, acres in a square mile, inches in a foot, number of feet in a yard, ounces in a gallon. How to speak and write correctly. Cursive.All of these common items I've mentioned are items that I've found kids just don't know. Since I live in California, I cannot expound on other states.Also, it California, have the teachers actually teach the subjects they are hired to teach and not teach kids how to pass the tests, of which what they are now being taught.One last thing (my pet peeve) teach everyone how to pronounce these two words, fire and hours. These words have only one syllable, not two syllables!!!Also the use of the word, an, before a word that starts with a vowel.In other words, the teachers must learn to not babysit, but learn to actually teach. Am I harsh, yes. Did I have it easy when I was school, some might say, yes. However, in my adult work life I worked hard and I did reap the benefits of my hard work to support my family. I did find it was easier to work with my brains instead of my hands. I worked myself into various management position. Oh, did I mention I love my retirement?Bethany Staller Bach said:William Talbert maybe a blanket statement for all teachers is a bit harsh? Surely you don't think most teachers are glorified babysitters. I have been fortunate enough to have been taught by amazing teachers, and love learning. I also use my brains, but earn much less than my intelligence would traditionally dictate. Why? Because I chose to teach.Maybe that's a misconception that students going into high school should have cleared up. That old saying of "those that can do; those that can't, teach" is all a lie. If anything those that teach not only can do, but they can apply learning to real life and explain things in a variety of ways to try and reach as many students (in and out of the classroom) as possible.Virgil Holland said:Bethany Staller Bach you are speaking truth. I am a welding teacher in a community/technical college. My previous teaching experience was teaching welding at the high school level. I had to have a degree in the discipline I was teaching and I was mandated to get a degree in teaching. I was also required to have five years experience in my field before I could be considered to hire by the state. There are so many academic teachers that have never had to apply their knowledge to anything in the real world, so it is extremely difficult for them to relate their material to anything specific to better engage their students. I remember so many times as a student hearing, “ I don’t know what you will need to know this for, but you have to learn it.”So why aren’t academic teachers held to the same standards that I have been held to? If more teachers had real world experience, maybe they would have a better grasp of how to teach, because they have had to apply there knowledge.William Talbert said:Virgil Holland, I learned that I had to is size up the abilities of each person I was to teach. One major thing teaching taught me was, patience.Virgil Holland said:Clint Thomas you are exactly right when I taught high schoolers, I told them to remember that everybody they know is wearing their parents clothes, not the clothes they have worked for.I have drove my new truck to the gas station and the popular guy from my school was the cashier. Work hard and make your way with that work. That is what I try to instill in my students.Derek Vandagriff said:Kindness is more important than being smart or good looking or anything. The times we participate in picking on someone or don't stand up for someone else are things we will always remember. Be kind and be strongTawana Thompson said:Learn to think for themselves and reason. Know that nobody else is responsible for your actions but you.Jerry Bassett said:High school is only 4 years of life or 5% of a life of 80 years.Preston Lane Grissett said:Happen to things; Don’t wait for things to come to you, they won’t. Start working towards what you want today. It’s not going to be what you want right away, but the journey— watching yourself grow and get better and better is one of the best feelings in the world.Also, don’t forget to have fun. It’s okay to be a bit dumb, mistakes are how you learn and where the best stories come from.Krystal A Gregory said:Typical Millennial comment: The Patriarchal society we live in affords men way more opportunity than women. Women will have to work twice as hard for half the credit.Ben Davis said:It can be funny, looking back, to see how your “life” has relatively few big decisions/choices. Rather, it is moreover an accumulation of small, everyday choices which add up.And...some of the best advice I think I was ever given: As long as you keep moving, you are almost always moving forward. It’s stagnation that will ruin you.