Ski Trip Sign Up: Fill & Download for Free

.Previous answerers have strayed from the conditions of the question, that being facts “about yourself”, thereby eliminating themselves, though I must give honorable mention to those who went all the way to 1000. (Still eliminated.)I’m just narcissistic enough to attempt to answer this question.I am Deputy to the Chief Outlaw of the Bottom Writers™.I’ve been writing on Quora for 15 months.I have 662k answer views.I have 611 answers on Quora.I have 82 questions on Quora.Enough about Quora…more about me! I thought I was a human being.Gigi J Wolf, however, brought it to my attention that I am, in fact, an iguana. At least, I think I am.I did not choose to become an iguana.I had iguananess thrust upon me.I’ve learned to live with it. (Thinking I am an iguana)Udo Andre's answer to When did you realize you were an iguana?Life as an iguana is not so bad, actually. I kinda like it. ‘Course, I like lots of things.I have friends who are raccoons.I am easily distracted.I type with two fingers.Oh I have 10 fingers alright (eight and two thumbs) but I type with two.I also have 10 toes, but they’re useless for typing.Maybe I shouldn’t say that ’cause I’ve never really tried to type with my toes. I just assumed they would be useless.I often assume too much.My 20th fact and already I’m bored. I can only imagine how you must feel.Oh! There’s a mouse! I like mice.I once had a deer mouse steal half a Hershey bar from me up on a mountain.I like mountains.When I was 17 I got arrested for indecent exposure.I told the story in one of my answers…something to do with ‘Were you popular in high school’, or something. You can look it up.I can recite “The Raven” verbatim, from memory. That’s 18 stanzas, 1100 words.I like my Boss, Gigi. She’s a kindred spirit and fellow iguana.I’m scared of spiders.I never jumped out of an airplane, even though I signed up for the 82nd Airborne.Yeah, I was in the service, 1972- 1975.I was put in the ASA (Army Security Agency)Then they booted me out after 15 months ’cause I couldn’t get a Top Secret Security Clearance ’cause I was born in Germany.I was born in Germany.It took the Army 15 months to figure out I was born in Germany thus ineligible for a Top Secret Security Clearance, while all the while doing a job which required it. So I got shipped to Georgia and ran a gym.I got brown eyes.I had an alligator snap at me while I was low-crawling through a swamp in Louisiana during basic training.Oh, yeah, I did my basic training and AIT in Ft. Polk, Louisiana.I didn’t like Louisiana.I didn’t like the Army.I don’t have a favorite color.I lost 300+ pages of a manuscript I was writing years ago when they auctioned off my storage.My storage was auctioned off.See, now that’s 2 different facts, there, OK? I often feel the need to point out the obvious.I wear a size 7 1/2 shoe.I understand German.I can speak German. (See, there again, 2 diff…)I can read German fairly well, but have real trouble writing it.Did I say I was born in Germany? I came to the U.S. when I was just a little kid, is why I have no accent. (I just say that ’cause I know a lot of you are wondering why I have no accent.)I could have gotten 2 facts out of that! I mess up a lot and am too lazy to fix it.Did it again! Two…never mind. I like dogs.I got bit by a squirrel once.I have a picture of my Dad in his uniform. (He fought in WWll)I have a moustache.I didn’t always have a moustache. Duh.I’ve been on a roller coaster.I’m right-handed.But I got a left hand too.I use my left hand exclusively when blowing my nose.I put my pants on one leg at a time.I put my left leg in first. (See, I got 2 out of that one!)I live in a mobile home.I own the mobile home I live in.This mobile home is so hot right now…I’m sweating.I know how to prune roses.I have felled trees.I fell asleep at the wheel once.I woke up behind the wheel bouncing off a guard rail at 60 MPH!I have a red shirt.I’ve had a beard and shaved it off. More than once.(Damn, coulda got 2 on that one!) I like orange juice.I could slalom ski when I was 11 years old.I could run a slalom course at 33 mph, and touch both shoulders to the water. (One at a time at each turn, of course.)I never learned how to turn snow skiing, so I was just a downhill racer. Straight, fast, drop to my side to stop.I really enjoyed water skiing, but was scared shitless most of the time snow skiing- flying down the steep runs.Brussel sprouts make me gag.Oysters make me gag.Gagging makes me hurl sometimes.I loved the high dive.I could do a beauty 1 1/2 off the high dive.I once did a 1 1/2 off a 30 foot cliff. (I used to say it was a 40 foot cliff, but it was really only 30)I’m no big fan of swimming.Most of the swimming I’ve ever done in my life was from where I hit the water back to the diving board.I like rope swings too. (Where you end up in the water.)I jumped off a third story balcony once on a dare.I sprained both my ankles jumping off a third story balcony once.(See what I did there?) I swallowed a goldfish once on a dare.I chugged a half bottle of rum in one breath on a dare.I don’t do dares anymore…I’ve been to Moscow….(Idaho)I’ve gone to rock concerts at George, Washington.I went to Black Sabbath at the Portland Coliseum.I saw Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young in 1969. (My first concert)I saw them again, 30 years later, in 1999. (My last concert.)I like jam sandwiches.I like peanut butter sandwiches.I don’t like peanut butter and jam sandwiches.I put equal amounts of tossed green salad and mashed potatoes on my fork and eat them together.I’ve had my tonsils out.I caught my Dad drinking a beer with Santa Claus.I think anyone who has read these last 100 facts is nuttier than I am.I need to shorten these up some. I’m 5′ 4″ tall.I make up my own short jokes.I am single.I am divorced.I had a wife and I had a best friend. Now they have each other.I have been non-functional for a period of time.I have spent a few days in the psyche ward at Harborview.I have had my .38 revolver confiscated by the police.I got it back.They took it again…I got it back a second time.I’ve seen Bald Eagles up close.I like ice cream.I’m willing to pay the extra to get real German beer.I’ve been stuck in the mud.I sleep sometimes, but not a lot.I’m 63 years old.I’ll be 64 in October. (Wait, that’s not a fact, is it?) If I live til October, I’ll be 64.I may not live ’til October.I am in end stage COPD.I’m on oxygen 24/7.I smoked cigarettes for over 40 years.I quit smoking 4 years ago.I wish I had never started. (smoking)I can quote “Hamlet’s Soliloquy” verbatim.I pee standing up.I’ve peed in the woods.I’ve peed in the ocean.I’ve peed in places I shouldn’t have peed.I used to run. Not anymore.As the weeks go by, it gets harder to breathe.I use my nebulizer 3 or 4 times a day.I fill it with Ipatropium Bromide and Albuterol Sulfate solution.I take Theophylline every day.I take Amlodipine every day.I take Metformin every day.I take furosemide every day.I take Potassium CL every day.I take Incruse Ellipta every day.I take Advair every day.I don’t have as fun much as I used to have…every day.A bear shit in my campfire pit one time.I am guilty of involuntary bear-bopping.I drink milk.I once got drunk and ate a batch of chocolate covered smelt.I once threw up chocolate covered smelt.I no longer cover my smelt in chocolate.I smell smells.I hear sounds.I used to hold my breath underwater for one minute.Have come to the conclusion that being on oxygen sucks.Tried to go without for a while…sucked waaay more.I have written several poems.I was elected “Mr. Firefly” in high school.I was also ASB Vice-President, Kelso High.I headed the project to construct a giant “K” on Starlight Hill in Kelso in 1972. It’s still there. You can see it from I-5.(Those three only count as one) I have a pulse.I know CPR.I watched Mt. St. Helens erupt from the roof of my house. (It didn’t erupt from the roof of my house, that’s just where I watched it from.)I met Pres. Jimmy Carter when he came out here after the eruption to see what all the hub bub was about. (Well, met for like 3 seconds)I have a cell phone.I used to collect the eggs from my Dad’s chicken coup.A couple times he let me chop off a chicken’s head and watch it run around headless.It was fun, but then I had to pluck the damn thing before Mom would take over.I like a good Mai Tai.I’ve climbed to the top of Diamond Head. More than once.I have smoked pot. A lot of pot. A whole…what was I saying?First time I smoked pot I was 15 years old.I have smoked pot that came from Columbia, Mexico, Thailand, Jamaica, Afghanistan, U.S.A. and my own grow room. (Geez, I could have gotten a lot out of that one!)I’ve been busted for smoking pot.Best pot I ever smoked was Kentucky Bluegrass I got from an Army buddy back in Georgia, ‘74. Second best- the real Kush from Kush mountains in Afghanistan. [before the California green bud started the American market] Right close behind that would be the original Hawaiian Sinsemia. Oh so sweet and…hey…I got carried away!Should I be telling you all this? I’m a night owl.I love hiking through the woods at night with a flashlight, looking for ‘eyes’.One night my son and I spotted what we thought might be a deer, but when we got closer, we saw it had 3 eyes! Never saw the ‘thing’, just the 3 eyes….spooky.He and I once had Bigfoot throw rocks at us. (Hey, I know, you want facts. But this is very likely a ‘fact’) See: Udo Andre's answer to Do you believe that Sasquatch still exists? Well, something threw rocks at me.I have volunteered for a staff position at Hempfest for the last 5 years running. Gonna do it again, one last time, if physically able. 8/17–19.Damn, 2 again! I used to climb trees.I’ve taken showers.I wear socks when I have to.I have eaten bananas.I know how to count.I can keep my answers short if I really apply myself. But I gotta really make an effort ’cause sometimes it just takes words and then more words to make myself understood. Understand?I’m really straining under the conditions of this question.I drink water.I can make bacon and eggs.I’m bigger than I was when I was little.Still, I cannot dunk a basketball.I played football.I play guitar.I can play “The Ballad of John and Yoko.”I have studied philosophy.I have studied psychology.I have studied history.I have studied comparative religions.I have studied physics.I have studied math.I have studied English.I had a dog named Yoda.I sang in a choir.I watch TV.After every 200 facts about myself that I type out I need a break. Oooooooh, I need a break.zzzzzzzzzz. I’ve worn a Stetson.I prefer coconut leaf headbands. I weave them myself.I have woven hundreds and hundreds of headbands and given them away.I’ve been to Hawai’i over 20 times.I was the self-appointed Beach Master of Waikiki.I would lay on the beach for a month at a time.I would build sandcastles and sand beach signs every day.I have broadcast NFL playoff games on the beach. Hawaiian style.(Changing the number on my beach signs after each score.)I have broadcast over 10 Super Bowls from Waikiki Beach.I know how to talk.I know how to ride a bike.I saw a wolverine in the wild.I use underarm deodorant.I am the unofficial World Record holder, having picked up 20,001 cigarette butts off the beach in 30 days.I have picked up an average of about 700 cigarette butts off Waikiki Beach every day for a month.I have picked up over 300,000 cigarette butts off Waikiki Beach.There are 1000’s of pictures of me and my beach signs on every continent in the world, except Antarctica. (Maybe Antarctica, too,…no I doubt it.)218. I get free boat rides on the Kepoikai II.219. I get free Mai Tai’s on the boat.220. I swam with a shark.221. I swam with a sea turtle.222. I swam with a rubber ducky.223. I have picked my nose.224. I’ve seen the world famous ‘Wolphin’. (A cross between a killer whale and a dolphin.)225. I have never dyed my hair.226. I have had a bat in my hair.227. I have batted at a hairy bat.228. I have sneezed more than once.229. I have hidden quartz crystals all around the base of Manoa Falls and watched the kids find them. (For years)230. I was dared to surf the big waves at the Pipeline, North Shore. (Took one look and said, “You fuckin’ crazy!”)231. I’ve been to the Polynesian Cultural Center many times. (It’s where I learned to weave headbands from coconut leaves.) Doh! 2!232. I took Ukulele lessons.233. I took Hula lessons with my son.234. I decided to keep my day job.235. I know and am known by most of the street performers on Kalakaua Ave.236. I’m an inch taller than Nikita Khrushchev was.237. I’m an inch shorter than Vladimir Lenin was.238. I found a trumpet fish in the surf one day.239. I had a trumpet fish on my beach display for most of a day. (Until I got complaints about the smell.)240. I spread my Dad’s ashes on Waikiki Beach.241. I spread my Mom’s ashes on Waikiki Beach.242. I have smelt-dipped in the Cowlitz River.243. I have stacked a 17 rock totem.244. I can recite Nietzsche’s “Genius of the Heart” verbatim.245. I I have picked strawberries for a living. [When I was just a kid.]246. I have done some ‘cow-tipping’.247. I went on a volcano tour on the Big Island.248. I’ve seen Rainbow Falls.249. I’ve seen Kilauea.250. I have caved the Thurston Lava Tube.251. I have hiked far enough into the tropical jungles to get lost.252. I have been happier coming out of a tropical jungle than going in.253. I have fallen asleep floating on an air mattress and wound up almost in the shipping lanes.254. I was rescued by the K-II catamaran but not allowed on board. Got towed in as punishment. (another 2, grrr.)255. I have been to more than 10 NFL Pro Bowls.256. I have met dozens and dozens of All-Star NFL players.257. I caught a pass thrown by Dave Krieg on the beach.258. I retrieved a volleyball and handed it back to Thurman Thomas.259. I like iced Frappuccino.260. I had a praying mantis named Rabbi Bob.261. I kept Rabbi Bob in a cage with a mirror which I labeled‘The Wailing Wall.’262. I bought my 1st house in 1976.263. I paid $38,000 for my 1st house.264. I lost a shoe once.265. I was on a liverwurst and pickle sandwich kick for a while.266. I hated spinach as a kid, now I love it.267. I walked from Manoa Falls to the Royal Kuhio, once.268. I found a sea urchin in the surf at Waikiki Beach.269. I had a sea urchin on my beach display.270. A rogue wave took my sea urchin away while I was out getting a shave ice one time.271. I used to sit behind my beach display and throw seashells into the surf so I could watch the tourists chase after them.272. I made palm trees out of twigs and seaweed for my beach display.273. I made faces out of shells.274. Every “Last Day” before going home I would turn over my beach display to a new worthy ‘Beachmaster’. (The kid would have the biggest smile on the beach, every time.)275. My main job was to ‘spread the Aloha’. And I took my job seriously.276. I came in 2nd place at a Hawaiian food eating contest one time.277. I go barefoot whenever I can.278. I believe in ‘Grounding.’279. I fell asleep standing up once.280. I woke up falling down once.281. I woke up at 3:00 A.M., in the passenger seat of my truck once, crashing through small trees going down over a cliff…my wife asleep behind the wheel.282. I ate half a watermelon once.283. I used to roller skate.284. I’ve played “Mensch Argere Dich Nicht.”285. I would find the best shells for my beach display way down by the Hilton at my secret spot.286. While down there I would feed the little fishies in the lagoon that contained ‘Gilligan’s Island.’287. I had to cancel a trip to the Big Island once, ’cause it was flooded.288. Each time I went to Hanauma Bay, I would go to the pkg. lot at 1:00, wait for the Japanese tour bus, then when they came off the bus and tossed their meal containers in the trash, I would ferret some out. Most never ate the fish. I would gorge myself before returning to the bay.289. I had more fun at the restricted area known as the ‘Toilet Bowl’ than at the Bay itself.290. Rode all the way to Hanauma Bay from Waikiki on a moped once, only to have to turn around and go back. Bay closed due to jellyfish.291. I’ve been to Sea Life Park on the North Shore more than once.292. I have pulled my own teeth when I was a kid. Later on, I had an adult do it.293. I prefer roll-on underarm deodorant to the spray kind.294. I shave with a 4-blade razor.295. I had more hair when I was younger.296. And it was blonder. (Blonder?) Aw, you know what I mean.297. I’m far-sighted and need reading glasses.298. I buy reading glasses at the Dollar Store.299. I’ve changed my pants.300. I’m gonna need to cut my fingernails before I get to #1000.Thought I would start over counting after every 300 so it won’t seem like so much. I play games in my own mind, with my own mind.When asked to come up with a joke on my own, never having heard it before, I thought for a minute then said, “What does 3 day old Crack look like? Answer: No one knows.”When asked to use the word ‘pathos’ in a sentence, I wrote:”Pathos oythers, Ma, them’s good!”I graduated from Kelso high in 1972.I got an A.A. degree 13 years later.I got married on Waikiki Beach.I was together with my wife for 20 years.I have a 38 year old son…wait…38? OMG!I was 38 years old.When I was 38 years old I owned my own business.Life was good. (at 38) [For a year.]I’ve seen a rainbow.I’ve seen a double rainbow.I know a rainbow does not have purple in it. Nope.I like rainbows anyway.I got up at 4:15 A.M. to start building my last beach sign of the year. It was 20 feet long.I put 10 plumeria leis on the sign.I put 10 of my best headbands on the sign.I left 30 ‘Homies’ on the sign, all for the next Beachmaster.I spent over 5 hours making the sign. It said, “New Beachmaster Wanted” and “I gotta go. Aloha and Mahalo”.I took video of the ritual of me turning over Beachmaster duties to this 13 year old kid from Australia.I got a sitting ovation and cheers from the Malahinis present for the ceremony.The K-II crew kept replenishing my Mai Tai’s to the point that I was sloppy drunk by the time I hit the airport.I had encounters with 4 separate security guards over 4 separate incidences at the airport before my flight.I have video of 3 of them.I was escorted onto the plane by an overly friendly female security guard.I haven’t been back since.I saw 2 mongooses (mongeese?) trapped in a bunker on top of Diamond Head.I crawled through the opening and dropped 4 feet to the floor to get better pictures of them.After my wife stopped screaming, I decided it probably wasn’t such a great idea. I scrambled out.Didn’t get a scratch from the mongooses but had some bruises from the inevitable domestic violence attack I suffered.I snuck into a restricted area along a razor-back ridge on Diamond Head and had my picture taken standing on a small cement platform, arms outstretched, hundreds of feet down on three sides, Waikiki in the background.I had a poster made from the picture.Probably should have wrote this good stuff earlier, by now there’s only two people still reading this. I know how to read.(See what I did there? Still got my fact in!) I have a knife.I like smelt ’cause you don’t have to clean them.I eat turkey on Thanksgiving.I eat horse at Christmas.In between, I eat whatever is available.I like lentils soup.I dislike pea soup.I gag when I eat pea soup. And you know what happens when I gag, if you’ve been paying attention.My mom had a sister that I called Tante. Yeah, Tante Trudy.I have a cousin named John. (Tante Trudy’s kid.)I considered John my best friend growing up together.Did I mention, I’m an only child?I’m not going back through to see if I mentioned that. I know how to dance.I have a black leather jacket.I’ve been bitten by a Hobo spider.I don’t wear most of the clothes I have in my closet.I’ve never realized how tiring it is to talk incessantly about myself.I do now….I have a scar.I got 3 stitches in my head from a bike wreck when I was 10.I got 5 stitches in my head from a car wreck when I was 16.I totaled by beautiful 1958 Triumph TR-3.I had a ’69 Mustang Mach 1.I build square campfire pits, just to be different.I got stranded on what turned out to be a small island during a flash flood.I got stuck climbing a rock wall. Had to back down as it starting raining.I almost died on that wall more than once.I camped under a mountain lion high up in a tree.Found out a mountain lion was high up in a tree when, after several hours, after dark, it leaped down and ran through our campsite. I learned I could scream like a schoolgirl.I learned 4-part schoolgirl screaming harmony with my fellow campers one night.I collect turds. Udo Andre's answer to What is something unusual that you collect as a hobby?I have watched “The Wizard of Oz” more than once.I like French cut green beans.I can make sound come out of my mouth.I used to customize my cell phone ringer. Now…not so muchI use Germ X hand sanitizer.When I was in Junior high I wore ascots.And Beatle Boots.And tight stretchy jeans.I can do that, right? List different apparel separately? I have a belly button.I sometimes wear a belt below it.I write on paper with all capital letters.I have never been in a helicopter.My hat size is the same as my shoe size- 7 1/2.How ’bout that? I think too much.I thought I knew what I thought…now I’m not so sure.I have a large DVD collection.I never watch DVDs anymore.I have shoes I never wear anymore.I know if I throw them away, the next day I will have occasion to wear a pair…and they’ll be gone.I have a sneaky suspicion that I will be the only one reading this.Still, I refuse to proof read this for editing purposes.My veins are blue.My blood is red.Why is that? I cough sometimes.I am having second thoughts about this endeavor.But I am stubborn.I have been to St. Francis hospital twice this year.My dog had puppies once.I have been so hopelessly lost in the woods I ended up spending the night huddled under a tree in the rain.Next day I found out I was only about 100 feet from a trail that would take me out.I have been both happy and pissed at the same time.I have a sliding glass door that sticks sometimes.I never used to lock my doors at night, now I do.I had an hysterical girl burst through my door one night and run to my bathroom and wouldn’t come out.I have roses that are blooming right now.I need to take another break…My nose itches sometimes.zzzzzzzzzz. I usually don’t hear my alarm lock.I had a ’67 Camaro RS.I blew the transmission doing cookies at the beach at my graduation party.I drove from Long Beach to Kelso in a ’67 Camaro RS in first gear.I got a flat tire on a mountain road, then blew out my spare a couple miles later.I drove almost 10 miles on the rim and took pictures when I got back to civilization.I had a tire come off completely on a Subaru one time.I had a landscape trailer come unhitched going down a hill once. It passed by me and crossed an intersection. Good times.I have used Comet cleanser for over 50 years.I really miss plain flavored Doritos tortilla chips.I like marshmallows roasted over a campfire.I drink one cup of coffee a day.I used to drink a pot of coffee a day.I like toilet paper. I think it comes in handy.I think 5-Hour Energy drinks are better than Meth.I’ve had Morphine and was glad to have it.I have a football helmet autographed by Matt Hasselbeck, meh.I used to have a red ’69 Triumph GT 6+. Can’t remember what happened to it…I painted a roadrunner on my Dad’s ’58 VW. with house paint!I used to burn incense.I had a pamphlet of poetry called “Moments in the Life of” printed and copyrighted back in 1974.I had a kitten named ‘Socks” (For obvious reason)I performed surgery on an iguana for a local pet shop back in the ’80’s. Also nursed other lizards back to health.I invented the extraordinary drink I coined, The Mai Papaya Tai.I have a cordless mouse.I occasionally use “Mane ’N Tail” horse shampoo. I find it works better than the stuff meant for humans.I have used stale beer as a conditioner.I have more Tee-shirts than regular shirts.Most of my Tee-shirts were bought in Hawai’i.My favorite juice is grape juice.I like pineapples. Especially soaked in Mai Tai’s.Luddens Honey-Licorice cough drops are my favorite.I have ridden a horse.I have ridden a mule.I have been attacked by a beaver. (True story!)I have encountered many bears in the wilds. Only bopped one. (On the nose)I have caught trout.I have caught salmon.I have caught steelhead.I have caught sharks. (Dogfish)I have caught flounders.I have caught bass.I have caught many snags.I have caught cold.I have dug razor clams.I have dug giant gooey-duck clams.I have dug oysters.I have dug steamer clams.I have dug holes.I have found starfish.I have found crabs.I have found wallets.I found a gun.I found a robin’s nest.I found my Mom’s keys in her freezer.I found a ten dollar bill in the surf.I found an unexplored cave. (Now known as the Udo Tube.)I found a Sand Boa at Mt. St. Helens.I found scorpions at Mt. St. Helens.I found a silver dollar on a Reno street.I found many a lost hiker.I found a six pack of beer in a dumpster.I found a a pair of sunglasses once.I found a map showing the way to Bat cave while out in the lava flows….looking for Bat cave!I found a neck chain with a crystal on it that the guy I was digging crystals with had lost the year before!I found a baby deer hunkered down in the brush.I found another baby deer not 20 feet away. No Mama in sight.I found a camcorder at the bottom of a cave sinkhole.I found the skull of a cougar hanging in a tree.I found a nest of ground hornets…and wish I hadn’t.I found my hemp wristband in the surf after having lost it in the ocean the day before.I found a broken fin from a surfboard and stuck it in the sand by my beach sign. Looked just like a shark fin.I even found a foundry. (Or the remnants of one) deep in the woods at Snoqualmie Pass.Looking for more filler…I still have a record album collectionI have the original Beatles ‘Butcher Cover” album.I have the original 1st Beatles album, “Please Please Me” on Parlophone , 1963.I have the “With the Beatles” album, ‘63.I have the “Beatles for Sale” album, ‘64.I have the “Help” album.I have the “A Hard Days Night” albumI have the “Rubber Soul” album.I have the “Revolver” album.I have the ‘Magical Mystery Tour” album.I have the “Sgt. Pepper’s” album.I have the “Yellow Submarine” album.I have the “White Album”.I also have the “White Album” in white vinyl.I have the “Abby Road” album.I have the “Let It Be” album.I have the Beatles’ “Red Album”.I have the Beatles’ “Blue Album”.I have the “Beatles at Hollywood Bowl” album.I have the 3 “Anthology” albums.I have the “Let It Be…Naked” album.Now, let’s see…Paul McCartney albums…oh hell, I got a shitload of Paul McCartney albums.I got a bunch of John Lennon albums. (His 1st 3 were the best.John Lennon was my favorite Beatle.I got a couple George Harrison albums.I have 1 Ringo Starr album.OMG, I’m only halfway thru! You know, let’s just split this in half. This was the first half…like the “A” side. Now for the 2nd half, the “B” side. Just flash scroll through the next 500 to the end. (See I’m optimistic that I’ll make it to the end.) so…I’m optimistic.That little fish dangling from my headband is a water finder. I made them for headbands and programmed them to find water. Just align it directly ahead in front of you and follow it in a straight line. It is guaranteed to lead to water, no matter what direction you go. (You are, after all, on an island!)I taught many kids (and adults) how to weave coconut leaf headbands on Kalakaua Ave.I can say “Peggy Babcock” five times fast. (Can you?)I have spit in the ocean.I like bananas.I snorkeled in Hanauma Bay.I swam with a moray eel.I got sunburnt on a cloudy day.I saw whales spouting.I have used palm fronds to guide the boats in.I know how to play “Hands and Foot”.I’ve gone to church.I’ve gone to Temple.I’ve gone to an Ashram.I’ve been an agnostic atheist for as long as I can remember.I know how to peel an orange.I’ve traveled on a bus.I’ve traveled on a train.I’ve been trained to kill.And I’ve bussed tables.I have worked at “Skippers”.I used to have a hedgehog.I have thrown a grenade.I have been homeless.I have lived in my truck.I have lived in the woods.I have fired a belt-fed M-1 machine gun.I have planted trees.I have tended my own garden.I have raised praying mantis’ from the egg.I can take an M-16 completely apart and put it back together…blindfolded.I used to raise Pythons. (From the eggs.)I used to raise Boas. (From the pups)I used to raise a variety of snakes.I have helped build a fireplace, brick by brick.I used to have a Fiat Spyder.I used to have a Lincoln Continental with suicide doors.I drove a Lincoln Continental from Massachusetts to Georgia.I have raised iguanas. My favorite was a 4-footer named Gandalf.I had a Nile Monitor named Alice.I had a Burmese Python named Fluffy.I had a Reticulated Python named Monty.I have raised Tokay Geckos.I have raised Legless Lizards.I had a Legless Lizard named Legolas.I used to have a 1-ton truck with a hydraulic lift.I’ve had several chameleons over the years.Chameleons were my favorite lizards.I would take a chameleon on a stick out to the yard and let him pluck spiders right out of their webs.Did I mention I’m afraid of spiders? I had a roommate who had a tarantula.I had an opossum. It ate my roommate's tarantula.For a long time, my opossum was my favorite pet.I’ve been gassed.I’m a good pool shooter.I played pool in a league.I know how to hop on one foot.I used to raise rabbits to feed my snakes.I used to raise guinea pigs. Sometimes to feed my snakes.I used to raise chinchillas. (NO, not to feed my snakes!)I had a Degu named Frodo.I have been to Reno.I have been to Lake Tahoe.I have set up tent cities in IndianaI have been to New York city 3 times.I have raised skinks.I used to have a millipede named Sauron.I have had walking sticks. (Phasmatodea)I have carved walking sticks for various people.I know how to bowl.I know how to play foosball.I have picked beans.I can run a forklift.I operated an inductive welder for the Weyerhaeuser High Tech Center.I have worked in a warehouse.I have mowed lawns for a living.At one time the business I owned ran three landscaping crews.I worked in a grocery store as a checker.I was a Produce Manager.I worked in a Pres-to log plant.I chew my food.I don’t like sipping through a straw.I can stand on my head.I have had an earache.I was a pirate for Halloween once.I have sold portraits, door to door.I worked with the developmentally disabled for 5 years.I played clarinet in junior high.I had an Amway business.I played ‘kick the can’ when I was a kid.I move through the air when I walk.I have seen the moon through a telescope.I have seen Jupiter through a telescope.I have seen 4 moons of Jupiter through a telescope.I have seen Mars through a telescope.I have seen Venus through a telescope.I have seen a telescope get run over by a truck backing up.I like Whoppers. (the hamburger)I like Whoppers. (the candy)I tried playing the mandolin, without much success.I need to take another break. I like lemon-aid.zzzzzzzz. I try blowing my nose while squeezing it tight in order to pop my ears.I like broccoli when it’s cooked right.I have smiled in the past.I have had sex probably around 10,000 times.After never having seen an episode for 14 years I binged watched 14 years of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’.I have never seen an entire episode of “Friends”.“St. John Green” is one of my favorite albums.I was spanked as a child.I have a C,S,N,&Y record collection. (And, no, I will not list them all, Tsk.)I have Led Zeppelin albums.I have Grand Funk albums.I have Jimi Hendrix albums.I have Janis Joplin albums.I have Doors albums.I have 4 Black Sabbath albums. (1st 4, the rest, meh.)I have an extensive Simon and Garfunkel album collection.I have an extensive Paul Simon album collection.I have 1 Art Garfunkel album.I have The Animals albums.I have Edgar Winters and White Trash albums.I have James Gang albums.I have Eva Cassidy albums.I think Eva Cassidy’s version of “Over the Rainbow” is one off the best.I love Eva’s blues songs. Such heartfelt vocals.I still mourn her loss. To die in her 30’s from cancer when she was just starting a promising career is so tragic.I’ve played marbles.I can open my mouth without even trying. (Yawn…)I have a reflection in a mirror.I have a left hand at the end of one of my arms. Did I mention that before? I can do pull-ups.I once threw out an anchor whose rope was not attached to the boat.I was once yelled at by my Dad. (For throwing out an anchor that was not attached to the boat.)I get excited when that little bell on the fishing pole rings.I don’t eat at Taco Bell.I have fasted…involuntarily.I have climbed mountains and slid down the other side.I have climbed up Rockhound Gulch in the snow in just under 4 hours.I have slid down Rockhound Gulch in the snow in just under 6 minutes.I have seen things no one else has ever seen.I can close my eyes.I have a brain that I have never seen.My fingernails are not really nails.I have eyelashes.I have eyebrows which I do not pluck.I have many Ivan Rebroff albums.Ivan Rebroff is my favorite vocalist. I believe he had the greatest vocal range of any singer, ever. From F1 to A5, that’s 4 1/2 octaves!I have Ozark Mountain Daredevils albums.I have Arlo Guthrie albums.I have Traffic albums.I have Yes albums.I have Nilsson albums.Harry Nilsson is one of my favorite singers. (What a voice!)I have The Bobs albums.I have Steppenwolf albums.I have gotten lost in Boston.Oh, I have Boston albums.I have Bob Dylan albums.I have Pete Seeger albums.I have The Who albums.I have The Guess Who albums.One of my favorite songs is “Friends of Mine” by The Guess Who.I have National Lampoon albums.I have Pink Floyd albums.I have The Rolling Stones albums.One of my favorite albums is “Also Sprach Zarathustra” by Eugene Ormandy and the Philadelphia Orchestra.I have B.B. King albums.I have Howling Wolf albums.I have Stevie Ray Vaughan albums.I have Silver Apples albums.I have Ted Hawkins albums.I have Leonard Cohen albums.One of my favorite songs is “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen. Although, Jeff Buckley’s version certainly rivals it.I have Jeff Buckley albums.I have Joni Mitchell albums.I have Linda Ronstadt albums.I have Billie Holiday albums.I have Etta James albums.I have Black Fooss albumsI have Fever Tree albums.I have Sonny and Cher albums. (Yes, I have Sonny and Cher albums…Got a problem with that?)I have The Monkees albums.I have Ted Nugent and the Amboy Dukes albums.I have 1 Olivia Newton John album.I have Beach Boys albums.I have Little Feat albums.I have many, many Grateful Dead albums.I have Stephen Stills albums.I have Neil Young albums.I have Joe Walsh albums.I have The Eagles albums.I have Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention albums.I have Lynyrd Skynyrd albums.I have Doobie Brothers albums.I have Allman Brothers albums.I have the Zombies albums.I have Zager and Evans albums.I have Ten Years After albums.I have Pacific, Gas and Electric albums.I have Emerson, Lake and Palmer albums.I have Frijid Pink albums.I have Iron Butterfly albums.I have It’s A Beautiful Day albums.I can float.I have Queen albums.I have Randy Newman albums.I have Rick Wakeman albums.I have Cazimero Brothers albums.I have The Band albums.I have Jerry Garcia albums.I have The Turtles albums.I have Lydia Lunch albums.I have Uriah Heep albums.I have The Youngbloods albums.I have The Rascals albums.I can touch my ear with my index finger.I have Bob Marley albums.I have 1 Badfinger album.I have Chicago albums.I have Dion albums.I have Country Joe and the Fish albums.I have The Cowsills albums.I have Cream albums.I have Eric Clapton albums.I have Electric Light Orchestra albums.I have many Cat Stevens albums.I have Elton John albums.I have Peter, Paul and Mary albums.I have Smothers Brothers albums.I have David Bowie albums.I have David Essex albums.I have The Electric Flag albums.I can burp.I have 1 John Denver album.I have 1 Genesis album.I have 1 10,000 Maniacs album.I have 1 Kansas album.I have 1 Rush album.I have 1 Montrose album.I have 1 Metallica album.I have 1 Thunderclap Newman album.I have 1 Michael Jackson album. (Yeah, Thriller)I have 1 Hayseed Dixies album.I have 1 Tiger album.I have 1 AC/DC album.I have 2 knees….and they both bend.I can close one eye at a time. Or both at once.I can blink. You see, that’s different. No? Oh, I have cleaned my ears.I used to put together models of dinosaurs.I like doing crossword puzzles.I like putting together jig saw puzzles.I have dusted the furniture before.I waxed and buffed floors in the Army.I can bluff when playing poker.I often win at Blackjack.I have won money on a slot machine.I have been escorted out of a pizza parlor.I have painted a house.I have mixed cement.I have mixed paint and painted cement.(Damn, there was 2 again!) I sit on the toilet when I think I have to.I do not believe in your God.I am extremely doubtful that anyone has read all the prior facts about myself, yet continue on. (Did I mention I was stubborn?) I can write words.I am alive. And just hope I can say the same a year from now.I have had a pimple.I have had a zit.I have had a rash.I swam across the Cowlitz river.I have soaked in the Goldmeyer Hot Springs.I can whistle.I can whistle “Winchester Cathedral.”I can play a kazoo.I can play “Deal” by Jerry Garcia on the guitar.I like coleslaw.I have a specimen of coal in my rock/mineral collection.I turn bananas upside down to peel them.I can make soft boiled eggs.I can make hard boiled eggs.Sometimes, when I make soft boiled eggs, I wind up making hard boiled eggs. Go figure.I like scrambled eggs.I like scrambled egg sandwiches.I like scrambled egg sandwiches with mayonnaise. (Does that count?) No?I drink tea.I have jumped into a quarry.I got bit by a goose.I have had a black eye.In first grade I sang “Oh Tannenbaum” in German in front of the whole school. I was a rock star.I have peed my pants without even intending to.I have rappelled over 100 feet.I gave money to a beggar.I have begged for money.I have been bit by a dog.I have been bit by a cat.I have never been bit by a snake.I know some Roman numerals.I have been to the Kehlsteinhaus, (Hitler’s ‘Eagles Nest’) in Berchtesgaden.I have seen the ‘Spear of Destiny’ in the Hofburg museum in Vienna.I have seen the Eiffel Tower.I have strolled the ‘Champs Elysees’.I have seen the castles along the Rhine river.I have walked the spiral stairs to the top of Cologne’s Kolner Dom.I was an honorary member of the Rhein Armee.I got drunk in a bar in Dusseldorf.I have passed through Berlin.I have seen Mozart’s tomb. (More than one of them.)I have gotten drunk in the biggest beer hall in the world. (In Munich)I have worn Lederhosen.I have a picture of me standing in front of the biggest free swinging bell on earth.I rode a donkey to the top of the Drachenfels.I have smoked a real Cuban cigar on a train.I went to a carnival in Vienna.I have had my head shaved.I used to be 18 years old. My whole life ahead of me.I have been to a zoo in Germany.I have been to a zoo in Portland, Oregon.I have been to a zoo in Honolulu, Hawai’i.I have been to a zoo in Tacoma, Washington.I much prefer Northwest Trek Wildlife Park, where the people are in cages and the animals run free.I have chewed gum in my life.I saw two porcupines up in a tree once.I came face to face with a porcupine in a tight crawlway in a cave once. I crawled backward and did a somersault coming out. (Got video.)I have seen a Nene goose in the wild.I have both an upper lip AND a lower lip. (I know, huh?)I can bounce a basketball.I played ‘army’ when I was a kid, then later on, for real…not much fun.I recovered my own fumble in a junior high football game.I have gone deep into the woods for days on end, by myself.I have never tasted a simple cheeseburger as good as one after coming out of the woods for days on end.I have laughed in my life.I have seen ‘treeples’.I have squished a cockroach.When playing baseball I catch with my left hand, but I throw with my right. (I think it has something to do with the mitt.)I got laid at my high school graduation party.I like popcorn.When I have an itch, I scratch it if I can.I have scratched another person’s itch before.I had a truck catch on fire before.I had a girlfriend once who took off her pants so that she could fill them with concretions to get them back to camp. (True story)I can recite “Behold the Hippopotamus” by Ogden Nash, verbatim.I was in a few plays in high school. Even played the lead in one. As ‘Malvin Larkfield’ in “Caught in the Villain’s Web.” Yeah.I have fallen off a riding lawnmower.I have fallen off a roof with a backpack blower on my back.I have fallen on my butt trying to learn how to ice skate.I have fallen off a tree.I have fallen into trees, from off a cliff. (Yeah, Rambo style)I have fallen into sleep without even trying.I have fallen for more than one girl. (Again, without even trying)I have explored over 70 caves (lava tubes) on Mt. St. Helens. I will not list them all here.I have explored Ape Cave.I have explored Ole’s Cave.I have explored Lake Cave.I have explored Little Red River Cave.I have explored Gremlin Cave.I have explored Little People’s Cave.I have explored Flow Cave.I have explored Spider Cave.I have explored Bat Cave.I have explored Beaver Cave.I have explored Prince Albert Cave.I have explored Dollar and a Dime Cave.I have explored Hunter’s Cave.I have explored Trail Cave.I have explored The Pillars of Hercules Cave.I have explored Indecision Cave.I have explores Thermal Cave.I have explored the Power Line Caves.I have explored Surprise Cave.I have explored Railroad cave.I have explored Helium Cave.I have explored Salal Cave.I have explored Christmas canyon Cave.I have explored Twenty-Four Cave.I have explored Breakdown Cave.I have explored Moss Cave.I have explored Arch cave.I have explored Lava Spring Cave.I have explored Wram Spring Cave.I have explored Perseverance Cave.I have explored Blue Ribbon Cave.OK, 30 is enough filler. I know how to work a clutch.Knowing how to work a clutch, I can drive a car with a manual transmission. That’s right. A manual transmission!I know how to wrap a present.I like Gouda cheese.I can make up names for stuff.I have an IQ.I have a Wishbone Ash album.I have battled a relative over a wishbone and won.I have battled a relative over a wishbone and lost.My mind wanders. For example: The two sentences on wishbones have the same words except for the last word. Now the first sentence has a 3 letter last word, and the second sentence has a 4 letter last word. And yet, the first sentence takes up more space than the second, which has more letters. My mind wandered and marveled over this seeming paradox until finally admitting that I need to take a break and simply acknowledge the power of the “w”.I know when something is sour.I have seen the Statue of Liberty.I like having my back massaged.I have been lost in an underground maze for more than 10 hours.I have run an obstacle course….more than once.I have left Reno with more money than I came to Reno with. (And that’s saying something!)I have been to Lake Tahoe and passed off my hangover as altitude sickness.I have cut my foot on coral.I thought I was finally dying once but turned out my oxygen hose was just crimped. Tsk.I have stayed up past my bedtime.When asked, “What are you against?” I reply, “Whadda ya got?”I know how to turn the water main off outside my house.I know where my fuse box is.This is my 900th fact. (Yes, I know you think it’s only my 400th, but it is really my 900th…do the math.) I cry sometimes.I can make a ring out of a dollar bill. Through the power of origami.I don’t get paid for writing on Quora. Not even for 1000 facts!I’ve been told, “Boy, You got some balls!” But I really only have 2.I am a male. But I check the box marked “sex” with ‘OK’.I quit eating white bread. Wheat and multi-grain only now.Sometimes I look at my phone even when it’s not ringing.I have broken into more than one vug.I have spent hours cleaning out a vug, collecting hundreds of crystals and dozens of plates.I have found some of my best crystal specimens just laying on the surface.I have crawled through a tunnel over 40 feet long, dug by my crystal hunting buddy.I have found a pocket of Singers (Diamantine crystals) in that tunnel.I have broken hard rock and extracted many an Amethyst Scepter.I have over 1000 double-terminated crystals in my collection.I have dozens of ‘free-floater’ clusters of crystals in my collection.I have dozens and dozens of crystal plates in my collection.I have climbed to the top of Katie Belle Ridge.I have sat on top of Katie Belle Ridge and thrown the smaller crystal scepters over the edge, yelling, “Decadence!”I have raided the claims at Pedro Pipe.I have raided the claims at Spruce Ridge.I have raided the claims at the Garden Slug.I have received a phone call from a detective telling me to quit raiding claims. (true story)I have given away 1000’s of crystals.I have a jar filled with nothing but crystals found in parking areas.I gave a clear crystal to a girl who had breast cancer. She wore it around her neck and within a week it turned dark.I have ‘planted’ crystals in holes and directed kids to the ‘hot spots’ and watched the kids find them. Their excitement was heartwarming.I lost over 300,000 crystals when my storage was actioned off.I have crystals with air bubbles inside them that move as you turn them.I have crystals with various inclusions, from pyrite to what may very well be gold.On my way down a steep section from the ‘purple pit’ one night, carrying a 3/4 full 5-gal. bucket of crystals, I slipped, took a tumble, and sent hundreds of crystals flying. I picked up some, but just left the vast majority of them spread all over the slope. Meh.I have traded crystals for pot at Hempfest.I have left a trail of crystals over 100 feet long leading to the edge of cliff.I have spelled my name in crystals at the entrance to a good hole. (Needless to say, they were gone the next day.)I have hung crystals from trees to mark a trail.I have placed nice crystal specimens behind people busy digging and then while passing them on my way up, getting their attention and pointing out, “Hey, you missed one!”I have crawled out of a crystal digging hole and within less than one minute witness it completely collapse.I had a tree fall over my crystal digging hole and bury some of my choice specimens under tons of rock and boulders.While raiding a claim one time, I had to dive for cover when a blast from above sent a wave of debris flying down slope.I have many crystal ‘dumbells’- with scepter heads on each end.Tired of hearing about crystals? I could go back to my album collection, you know! I have had a nosebleed.I collect these fanciful shaped rocks called concretions. I’ve glued these ‘crazy eyes’ on some making them look like creatures.Over the years I have piled up my rejected concretions at one spot in the woods.I have kept count of those rejects, and to date there are 50,500 of them!I find most of my concretions either in the water or along the gravel banks.I have found that the better concretions have to be dug from out the clay banks along the river.I have had a crawdad latch onto my toe while I was hunting concretions.I have 10’s of 1000’s of concretions.I have created borders along walkways with my concretions.I have created mosaics with my concretions.I have drilled through select concretions and made workable pipes from them.I listen to the radio, but only when it’s on.I firmly believe that everybody has a right to my opinion.I have read most all of Nietzsche’s published works.I have read the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, more than once.I have the hard copy of “Yale Shakespeare- The complete works”, but have read pitifully few of it’s 1,517 small print pages.Jack Herer’s “The Emperor Wears No Clothes” is still one of my favorite books.I have been stung by a bee. I survived…the bee didn’t.I have sprayed a hornet’s nest.I lost my red ball when I was 5.I have squeezed through a 14″X14″X14″ inch triangular orifice and free fall rappelled 85 feet to the bottom of Hellhole Cave.I have rappelled into and made it to the end of Danger Cave on Mt. Snoqualmie.I have dropped onto and slid down a 20 foot stalactite in Cascade Cave.I have never made it to the end of Newton Cave, despite rappelling more than one drop.I have had more than one toothache.My last name now is not the one I was born with.I have read Julian Jaynes’ “The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind.”I have my own private copies of “Dave Barry’s Guide To Life” and “Dave Barry Turns 40”.Yeah, I know I could have gotten two out of that. But I like to splurge.I’m getting confident that I can finish this ordeal, barring a computer glitch. I have had computer glitches.I suddenly feel an anxiety attack coming on…something to do with computer glitches. I have elbows.I can focus on unfocussed objects.I can make a square out of two triangles.I can make a Mobius strip.I have food that I will never eat.I have drooled on my pillow before.I have seen ‘the wolves’ rise up on Snoqualmie Falls.I have gone ‘skinny-dipping’.I can lay down on a floor when I’m not standing up.I have used a metal detector.I have gotten an 8-ball break more than once.I have been exempted from jury duty.I have been arrested more than once.I have had my house raided by over a dozen cops and FBI agents over a bank robbery that I knew Nothing about.I am a good ‘Spades’ player.I have thrown a dart. (More than once!)I worked at a bar for a while.I traded an SKS for a shotgun.I broke a lamp one time.I spent over an hour blowing down leaves one day, the wind picked up and blew enough leaves off the trees to cover everything I had done.One of my boa constrictors escaped one summer and after two months, I found him up in the gutter of my garage.I can’t think of any more facts, I’m just gonna quit….Ha! Just joking. I like to joke.I slipped and fell one time before reaching a banana peel that I was going to pick up. How ironic.I have the same face that I had when I was two years old, only, somehow…it looks different!I can stick out my tongue, but only when I want to.I cannot lick my elbow. I know, ’cause I’ve tried.I know I can lick someone else’s elbow even though I’ve never tried.I have had more than one haircut.I have a box full of red clown noses.I have water skied on New Year’s Day in freezing temperatures.I have kissed a pig.OMG, OMG, OMG…for all of you (And that’s probably all of you) who have flash scrolled to the end of this thinking I’ve only written 500 facts- Wrong! I had a problem with the automatic numbering function on my laptop and had to resort to improvisation. Just do the math.And those of you who are sticklers and point out these have to be interesting facts- phooey! It’s a judgment call. They are interesting to me. So fact #1000-I got way, I mean waaaaay too much time on my hands!Thought I should add one more just in case there is a dispute over a previous one. Doesn’t hurt to be redundant. 1001- I believe in redundancy.MIC DROP…..WALK AWAY…………….

I'm not even going to read any of the other answers because, while some may be poignant, and some may be funny, none of them match my three memorable experiences (amongst more than a few) with traffic cops.Event 1: Pulled Over On FootDuring the summer months between college years, I took labor-intensive jobs. Looking back on it all, perhaps I should have concentrated my job-securing efforts on internships or employments related to one of my career interests and aptitudes. Thing was, I was just a naive college kid, athletically fit, burned out by classes, and ignorant of foresight like that. So, I took and held a job as a lumberyard materials handler. One of our duties was to fulfill customer orders and deliver, so on one afternoon, my coworker and I loaded up one of the company pickup trucks with an order (large enough to warrant the two of us, but not large enough to use a larger truck) and drove it out to the fringe of the county to deliver it.This is my home region. I grew up out here. I had been driven along these roads all my life, and had had my license for 3 years and had driven these roads many many times already. All the little huddles of towns are 25mph, while connecting County Trunk Highway roads are typically 45-55mph. If there are four lanes, with a median (rarity) this usually signifies a state highway or interstate, and we're pushing this to 65mph. My coworker drove the outbound trip, we made our delivery, and then I took the wheel for the return leg.Our route took us past the brand-new, massive, sprawling Target Distribution Center that had just had its Grand Opening a few weeks prior, located just off an Interstate on a County Trunk Highway. This CTH had just been completely redone, upscaled from a 2-lane to a 4-lane with median and complete with turning lanes, curbs and signage. This same CTH had covered (in 2-lane fashion) about six miles to the customer's subdivision, so I already was doing 45mph when I slipped onto the new asphalt of this section of road at the front of this massive TDC. A building this big was awe-inspiring for a rural farmkid, so of course, my coworker and I are conversing about it, but driving steadily past it. From the start of the 4-lane transition to the end, at a stoplight intersection, it's a mile. It is important to point out, there are no oncoming or accompanying vehicles – no traffic at all – that give any clues about what was to befall me.As we get within a half-mile of the intersection, I see a figure moving and step towards the inner curb of the median. I begin to slow down, but approaching the intersection gradually, I'm not in any immediate rush to throw on the brakes. My coworker questions, "Is that a cop?" I reply, "Looks like it. Is there an accident up ahead or somethin'?" "Huh," he says, "Don't know." The cop has now stepped to the very edge of the curb, and is waving me down, as if I was a rally race driver approaching a checkpoint, or a barnstorming aircraft on approach to an impromptu landing strip. I come to a complete stop, well short of the intersection, and the cop approaches my open driver side window, what now appears to be a radar speed-gun in his hand. I vividly remember asking, "Is there a detour up ahead?""Do you realize how fast you were going?", comes the inquiry. My coworker gagged on a laugh, and began examining the imitation stitching on his passenger side door. I replied, "Yessir, 45, which is what this road is...""It's 25. Posted.""Sir, I'm from this area, these roads are all posted 45.""Not anymore. 25. The residents are concerned about all the trucks [he emphasized this, playing into my fate] roaring through here with the new center, so it's now posted twenty... five. License and registration?""Registration is on the dashboard, sir, and my... oh crap.""What?" (both my coworker and the cop)"I left my wallet in my jacket back at the yard. I know my license number by memory (I did!), will that work?"Despite being impressed by my memory skills, he still called my boss to verify that I had not stolen the truck and that I was employed in good standing and to verify that wallet was indeed back at the yard.And I got a ticket... Because I was driving a "truck", which was exactly what the local magistrates wanted to have cited and slowed down.Event 2: Do I Look Like a Militiaman?I was on my way to class (2nd tour through college), and was passing through an Unincorporated nano-town notorious for having one omnipresent, overeager, overactive squad car that picks up and writes out thousands of speed violations because it is the crossroads of two intersecting highways, each rated at 55mph, but at the town limit, visible from the intersection (that's how small the town is), throttles down to 25mph. If I'm traveling through this town, I often have to factor in or endure a delay of five to seven minutes because of how glacially slow the stoplight timing is, and how all other traffic is reduced to a snail's pace in paranoid awareness of the 25mph limit.My travels were already harried and impeded as I traveled through the intersection when I reached the town limit, and passed that lone squad car. I actually tensed up and focused intently on my speed – 24mph. I thought I was in the clear and ready to ramp up to 55 when I notice... the squad car has pulled out and is right behind me!! A nervous breath later, the lights spark on and he's on me to pull over, to which I promptly comply. It's a very warm May day, and I have all the windows down on my Jeep Cherokee. At this point in my life, I ran with a group of friends doing outdoor activities and adventures such as rock climbing, speed hiking and airsoft shooting. As the officer approaches, he's peering into my Jeep's windows, and notices my outdoor adventure and airsoft gear on the back seat. Among them are the hilts of a couple survival and utility knives.The officer begins by asking for my license and registration, but he takes them and handles them one-handed. I notice in my wing mirror that he has his other hand on the handle of his pistol! He begins to explain to me why he pulled me over (I don't rightly remember, but it wasn't for speed... it may have been a lapse registration sticker on my plate or something minor), but he starts to grill me on what's in my Jeep, specifically, if I have any weapons. I said, "No", to which the officer then countered with, "Well what's all that in the rear seat?" I began to twist so as to uncover the stuff behind me, but the officer verbally stopped that effort with, "Don't reach for anything." I righted myself and put my hands back on the wheel to ask, "Do you want me to step out and show you?" He said, "Yes" and I exited my Jeep and opened the rear door. I was a twenty-something-year-old "kid", late for class, and (still) pretty naive and not concerned about rights or warrants or what-have-you.With me standing there next to my Jeep, he took an inexorably long time peering around in the cabin, questioning the purposes of the knives, the plethora of climbing gear and ropes, and the presence of a holster and sling, insinuating I was not being truthful about no weapons being present. I was let go with a Mechanical Citation, meaning that if I got the issue resolved (I think it was the sticker on the license plate) within 14 days, it would be cleared. The whole process, though, took 25 minutes – my professor was not happy.Event 3: Everyone Gets a TicketI used to live in a part of semi-rural Wisconsin and during Winter months (which is nearly half the calendar in Wisconsin) work at a ski resort nearby. I realize this narrows it down, but in fairness to all parties, I won't name the community in question aside from calling it Trundletown. To get to the resort, I would leave my driveway onto a County Trunk Highway (again, posted 45mph), drive due south about ten miles, traversing through some forests, moraines, hills and vales until I arrived at the main entrance of that resort. Pretty straightforward, eh?There's one section in particular that ceases to be a CTH and is just a "rural road" called, appropriately, Town Line Road (we're imaginative out here). Despite having a rally-race-inspiring S-turn on it and some other nifty features like a "creekwade" (a swollen creek passes under the road through a culvert-pipe, but frequently washes over the roadway), the entire stretch does not drop below 35mph posted. In most spots, it is 45mph. Town Line Road is very rural, and sees, if lucky, 200 cars per day on it... and that's if someone is hosting a rummage sale in one of the houses on its stretch... in summer. This is wintertime, and Sconnies know to hunker down and stay indoors or fire up the snowmobiles. I have a Jeep, so I'm pretty confident I can drive anywhere just fine.This particular Saturday morning bore witness to an overnight ice storm. Everything was caked in ice and frozen slush, and even a vocalized suggestion of going outside was met with criticism. Use of the roads was not going to happen for awhile, at least not until the Road Crews got out with plows, salt and sand, and the sun started to at least try to melt this stuff. Thus, the rationale was that, at 11:30AM, there should have been more than enough time to improve the roads and make them passable.My best friend and I started driving my Jeep on the CTH towards the ski resort at 11:30AM. I took it reasonably easy, keeping the Jeep in 4WD and traveling between 25 and 45mph. We transitioned onto Town Line Road at 11:40AM and noticed that this section had not been attended to. As we approached the S-turn (which, again, is posted 45mph) we noticed one... two.... wow... now that's three vehicles in the ditch having left the road. I then completed the turn, went over a small rise and began the descent towards the creekwade... and everything locked up. It was like the vehicle was on rails; I tapped the brakes, I spun the wheel all the way to the left and then all the way to the right, trying desperately to get the vehicle to respond. Instead, it careened off the road into a lone, dead tree, already leaning like the Tower of Pisa. My Jeep was bisected with it perfectly... head-on... like I couldn't have aimed any better. Both airbags deployed and my friend and I were unharmed, but my beloved Jeep was badly damaged (nearly totaled; the repair shop owner took pity on my love of Jeeps and got it repaired, right as ever). If I had gotten any response or movement from it while sliding, the Jeep would have missed the tree and come to an undamaged stop in the snow.After my friend and I extracted ourselves from the vehicle, we circled it, examining and taking in what had happened. As we did this, two other vehicles approached. The first was a front-wheel-drive sedan on the opposite side of the creekwade, having difficulty navigating the turn on that side of the creek and ending up, how else, skidding off the road into those trees (sideways). My friend headed over there to check on the occupants while I stayed with my Jeep, and then, at 11:45AM, the second vehicle approached – a Worthless County plow truck. Did the truck stop? Nope. Just rolled on through, shooting salt and sand in a spray along the road.About ten minutes later, two more vehicles approached, and I noted they both stopped at the most recent crash across from me. The fact that they were Ford Crown Victorias was the telltale sign they were law enforcement – one was Town of Trundletown, the other was Worthless County Sheriff. The Town of Trundletown squad car stayed with the first car, and I observed my friend walking back towards me with the Worthless County Sheriff trailing behind him. The Sheriff's deputy got to our crash site, got out of his car, and proceeded to walk around my Jeep in a curt arc, assessing it. When he approached me and my friend, and introduced himself as Deputy Bobo (not his real name, obviously), he didn't seem all that interested in my condition nor my explanation as to what happened. While I was explaining what occurred, the Worthless County plow truck went back past us again, headed back the direction from which it had come fifteen minutes ago. It was now just after 12:00PM.Deputy Bobo finished his notes, and upon the passing of the plow truck, the squad car of the Town of Trundletown drove across the creekwade and approached us. The officer inside hailed us and we replied there were three more cars that had crashed to the north of us, beginning with just over the rise behind us. He communicated to Deputy Bobo that he was going to go check on them, to which the deputy replied, "Go ahead, I'll stay with this one." Once the Town officer departed, Deputy Bobo dropped a hammer on me..."You're getting a ticket today.""For what sir?!" I sputtered, taken off guard completely."Driving too fast for conditions.""Sir, I already told you that I was doing no more than 25mph coming over that rise, and it's posted 45mph!""You didn't maintain control of your vehicle.""I had absolutely no traction whatsoever! It's sheer ice!""Doesn't matter. A thousand cars have been through here this morning. It's plowed. You are responsible to maintain control of your vehicle.""Sir! The plow truck just now went through here! There have been five cars through here, and all five of us are in the trees!"There was no arguing with him. A wrecker arrived, and I accompanied my Jeep to the repair shop, passing the three other crashes along the way, and clutching a pink traffic citation for Driving Too Fast For Conditions, $180 and 4 points.Later, my friend retrieved his car and we returned to get photos of the scene. I had every intent of contesting this one. I was already facing paying a $500 deductible for the repair of the Jeep, there was no way I was going to sit idle and pay an additional penalty because of the sloth of Worthless County in getting out to plow and salt their roads.Two weeks later, I was in the Worthless County Courthouse to contest this ticket, equipped with photos of the scene, an affidavit from the homeowner whose land the dead tree was on confirming that the tree was in fact dead and was worthless, and a confirmation from the repair shop that my speedometer was at 28mph upon impact. The District Attorney introduced himself to me, and we had a pre-hearing consultation. Deputy Bobo joined us as we were discussing, and I began to get a bit vexed. I shared with the DA that Deputy Bobo had stated, "A thousand cars had traveled through" contrasted against the photos I had of the road, and I presented, "Does this look like a road that is even rated for a thousand cars in a morning? It's out on the fringe of Trundletown, which doesn't have even have a thousand people in its population!" It then came back to how I was responsible, and that when there's a crash, that's a mark of not being responsible. "Everyone gets a ticket", was Deputy Bobo's shot across my bow. I then got to level a very poignant question to the DA, "Of the five crashes that were all within 200 yards of each other that morning, how many did this officer attend to?" The DA turned to the deputy, and asked, "Well?""He was the only one. Town must have checked on the others." So I then asked, "Did any of them get tickets?""We don't know that.""Look, Mister District Attorney", I said, "I'm already facing having to pay a really steep deductible to get my car fixed, the towing fees, and I checked with the property owner, the tree was long-dead before I hit it, so no damage done there. And, I had more points taken off than someone who was actually speeding!"The District Attorney gave me a consideration, and replied, "What do you want the result to be?""I just want to go home, no penalties, no points.""I'll discuss it with the judge. It won't be this citation here, but will you agree to what the judge recommends once he hears this?""I'll agree to consider it, yes."Fifteen minutes later, the Judge spoke to me and in so many words said that any time there is a Motor Vehicle Collision (as he put it), there has to be a citation, and if there's a citation, there has to be a penalty. So, the DA and the court found and employed the only ordinance that results in zero points and the least amount of forfeiture – Illegal Turn; $110, zero points.Ironic, because if I had been able to turn my Jeep at all, this wouldn't have happened.