Notes Am I My Brother'S Keeper : Familial Dna: Fill & Download for Free

Long term involvement with an abuser changes us. I don’t believe it is possible to live with someone who is disordered and not become somewhat warped in response to their disorder.Freedom - when it happened - was at first relief. I literally slept the whole first night (on the couch with my dogs… but still…) for the first time in years.However, that was quickly replaced with fear paralysis. And absolute fear of public spaces. I became a fan of Amazon Pantry (pre-Covid) because I was absolutely terrified to go to the grocery store.Eventually, the ex and his helpers lost interest and the overt stalking settled down. I was still consumed with fear.I began to study and somewhat obsess of the concept of fear - the biology behind it and how to manage. All this did was allow me to feel that I was somehow in control. I was not.Eventually, I recognized that IF I continued to live in response to fear and continued to delude myself into intellectualizing fear, I would be trapped for whatever remains of this life. I would remain prisoner of the abuse.So, what to do? I kicked it upstairs; I gave it to a higher authority. I forgave myself and forgave my shame of feeling fear. I reframed my thinking from viewing hyper-vigilance and fear as wounds, and instead viewed them as vessels of healing.They provided space for me to heal and get my mind right.I still push myself to master the emotions, because frankly - they never go away. Like grief, they cycle. I’m still triggered and I still deal with occasional fear paralysis.However, I now accept that I am changed.What have I learned? What has fear taught me? Boundaries. Empathy. True strength/courage. Self care.Take care:)

Yes, it is the greatest regret in my life.My brother, my only sibling who was 15 months younger than me, invited me to a party he was throwing at my father’s house while my dad was away on vacation. My brother was 15 years old at the time, I 16, he lived with my father and I lived with my mother at that time. I knew he would get caught and there would be hell to pay. He pleaded with me to come, I refused, we both got mad at each other. I begged him to not have the party, I couldn’t understand at the time why he would as my brother was a super obedient, straight A student type. It was completely out of character for him to do anything consciously defiant or against the rules. Despite my pleas and my refusal to attend this party he went ahead with it. That phone call the day before the party was the last time I ever spoke to him and we ended on an angry note.He had the party, as many high school parties do it got completely out of control. The cops were called, the party was broken up, the house was in shambles and my brother was returned to my uncle’s home by the cops in a state of significant drunkenness. To my knowledge that is the only time my brother had ever been drunk. I got a call the next afternoon by someone I knew who was there telling me what happened. I was concerned and decided to contact my brother to make sure he was okay.I called my brother at 4:30pm at my uncle’s house, he had killed himself ten minutes before I called. When I phoned a police officer answered though he didn’t identify himself as such. He asked me who I was, I told him, I could hear him catch his breath. He told me none of my relatives were there and wouldn’t tell me who he was. He told me to get in touch with my mom immediately and have her call my uncle. I knew something was monumentally wrong. I sat alone for hours waiting for someone to call me and tell me what was going on. Eventually my mother, the police and a priest showed up to get me.My brother knew he was going to kill himself and he threw the party as a farewell bash. He wanted me to come so he could say good-bye. I never went so he never said good-bye. I am plagued by the million possibilities that exist of how things might have been different if I had just gone. Maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t have killed himself and he would still be here today. My greatest fear is that he died thinking I didn’t care enough or love him enough to come when he asked me to.This February my brother will have been dead thirty years and I am not sure if this guilt and regret will ever leave me. He wanted me there, he needed me there and I didn’t go because I didn’t want to get in trouble. It feels like an act of cowardice.I am working with someone to heal this wound, it is a slow process.

This is not my story but my younger brother’s story. My younger brother got married without my family consent, his marriage happened in girl family presence. Before his marriage, I told him several time that he is doing wrong as my elder brother is not married. He kept on saying he know that he is doing wrong but he doesn’t have any other optionBefore marriage he left our home and took a rented place. Point to note that neither me or my family members met the girl. Girl called my mother several time, she kept on asking that why my mother saying no to this marriage. Few days before the marriage, girl parents came to our place and her father told that even they were not knowing and these guys are planned everything (which was utter nonsense as they planned everything). Girl mother started using bad words and left the place.My younger brother stopped coming to home and stopped talking to us after his marriage (Nov’ 2016). We were not even knowing where his rented place is. In Oct’ 2017, I was blessed with baby boy and my brothers visited my place. I was meeting my younger brother after a year.He told me several things that Girl family interference is too much in their matrimonial life. He stayed in single room in Dwarka. Girl full family (Grandmother, mother, father, sister and her husband, brother and his wife) used to come to their place uninvited, used to stay for several days (god knows how they managed all these guys in single room). My brother had habit to purchase the stuff in bulk. Girl family used to take stuff from his house while leaving. I told him to forget the family and asked whether girl is good? He kept on saying that girl is good.They were expecting their first baby (she was 1-2 months pregnant) so girl stopped doing house chores. My brother used to do house chores, goes to office and again do house chores after coming back from office. She was having morning sickness, so she stopped eating and started losing weight. My bother got her admitted in hospital and stayed back in hospital while Girl mother came to their place and prepared Non-veg. Once Girl was fine &, came back to home, she told my brother that now baby is moving… baby is moving in 2 monthsFull drama started when Girl told that she feels supernatural powers in current rented place (this place is near to brother office). She forced him to shift which was near to her uncle house, New rented place was 2BHK. As soon as they shifted to new place, Girl mother started telling her younger daughter who is married and stays with her in-laws to shift to this place. Her point was that my bother and his wife may not use 2BHK. My brother didn’t like this new place as it was far from office and in secluded area. He told he will change this place, which offended girl family and they started fighting with my brother. In heated argument, my brother asked his in-laws to leave and begged his wife to stay back. Girl stayed back but locked herself in room, my bother forcefully entered in the room and saw she was holding knife and threatened my brother that she will cut her hand and get my full family arrested. Did I mentioned that Girl father is Assistant sub inspector (ASI). My brother snatched the knife from her and called her uncle. In front of her uncle, she continued telling the same things, my brother asked her uncle to take her with them. He gave house keys to her uncle and left the place. He started sleeping in his car at random placesMy brother told them that he will be back once she gives in writing that she will not try to harm herself or baby and not threatened my family names in between this matter as we don’t have any role in all this mess. Girl told that she never tried to cut her hand and my brother is creating stories.After 2-3 days, she came to our place where my family is living, created big mess. started abusing my family. she told everyone that my brother left her after making her pregnant.She went to my brother office and created mess there as well. She met my brother office HR, talking to all my brother friends and telling them that my brother left her after making her pregnant.My brother sent her legal notice that her family interference must be reduce in their matrimonial life. Instead of replying to legal notice, she came with her family and again created big issue in front of our home. Around 10 o’clk in night, she called PCR #100 and when PCR came, my mother told that my younger brother doesn’t stays with us. Girl never entered our home and after listening all this, PCR left saying that we don’t have any role in all this.After that Girl father started abusing my mother, told that “I will show power of police uniform, in 2 hrs I will get you arrested”. Around 12 o’clk in night, police van came. Police station ASI didn’t listen anything and took my mother in police van. My elder brother kept begging them that my mother can come along with him. But ASI didn’t listen anything, In Police van he manhandled my mother, abused so badly. My mother is high BP patient.. My mother saw girl family in Police station and they were laughing. My elder brother called his friend who know about the laws. When my elder brother friend came to police station and asked how they can take a female in night, what’s her crime. This ASI manhandled him as well. After that ASI asked my mother to leave (mind that it was 3 o’clk in night) and made my elder brother to sit in lock up with other criminals. My mother kept on crying that what is our role, we didn’t do anythingWhen my younger brother got to know about that, he told my family that he married this girl because of girl family pressure. Girl family forcefully get him married to her in court on Jan’2015. They used to threaten him that if he will say No to marriage, they will do bad things with me or my elder brother. My younger brother never told these things before, we didn’t have any clue that in Nov’2016, he was getting married second time as Girl family wanted to show the world. He was going thru a lot, but never uttered any word as he took decision of marrying the girl, he wanted to show us that he took the right decision.After all this mess, Girl filed a complaint in Women Cell. She told that whatever happened with my family on that night was correct. She claimed that my brother used to beat her, never took good care of her, never get anything in home to eat and what not.After hearing all this, my younger brother filed for divorce.Girl filed a case of compensation; my brother is paying 10K per month. She filed a case of domestic violenceToday, I got to know that she is going file a FIR under section 498 and planning to put my full family names. I am staying in BLR from last 12 years, married and settled. I or my family members never ever spoke or met her. Still our law gives liberty to our nation women to sue whomsoever she wanted to. We need to apply for bail or else we can get arrested. Our nation law sucksAny advice in this matter will be appreciatedEdit 1: My brother and mother went to DCP office, the person handling the case, he didn't hear a single thing. He said forget what happened to your mother or if the girl is suicidal. Take the girl with you else they are filing FIR. While coming out of DCP office, girl and her family tried to block my brother car.. They were provoking my family to whole together another level.. that my brother sleeps with mother.. Girl told that she will slap my mother.. her ASI father threatened my brother that watch out what he will do to himStill our national law gives power to girl that she can sue us.I believe in God and waiting for Karma. I cant do much to help my family, feeling horrible that my family is going thru all thisEdit 2. Girl family filed a FIR under section 498a against me, my brothers and mom. Reason given that we were asking my brother to divorce his wife which she heard multiple times. Also, We were telling my brother that we will get you married to beautiful girl who can get huge dowry amount. Going to apply for bail, I hope we get itEdit 3. Many things happened in past. My mother filed case against ASI & girl father and after multiple hearings.. recently court has issued warrent against them. Today both guys applied for bailAfter filing section 498a, all my family members met IO. Last year, Even I travelled to my hometown and met IO. I gave written application to IO that I never met nor spoke to girl and she told that she will clear all our names except my younger brother so he has to fight case. IO was talking very nicely and assuring that she will clear all our names. We never got any intimation on 498 case after that. Today our lawyer asked us to find any other lawyer as he can’t fight my brother case. He told they didn’t go with 498 case as they were pressurised because of my mother case. He mentioned that soon you are about to get information on 498 case and full family names will be there so do plan to apply for bail.He was stressing to apply special application for me mentioning I can’t travel from here to hometown for court hearing. My brother asked lawyer if he is having any pressure from girl family which he denied. As on today, My family is all alone in this mess without any good lawyer