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HOW TO BECOME A MUSLIMAll praises be to Allāh , the Lord of the Universe. May the peace and blessings of Allāh be upon Muhammad, His last MessengerDear reader on behalf of all the members of Free Quraan - Home, I welcome you to Islām. It always brings Muslims great joy when we hear of anyone wishing to revert to Islām. Muslims want to rush to tell their friends and family about this wonderful news. Muslims always love to hear how others converted to Islām. So for sure you will be greatly welcomed to Islām.The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him welcomed even those people who had previously fought him and killed his loved ones. These people later on were to become the heroes of Islām. So no matter what your background and no matter what you may have done or said to Muslims or others in the past, you should rest assured that you will be welcomed with open arms.Who can become a Muslim?Some people are worried often worried if they will be allowed to become Muslim due to a variety of reasons. So before proceeding onto how to convert to Islām. I wish to reassure you that anyone can become a Muslim.Islām is for the whole of humanity. Islām unites together people of different colours, languages, races. and nationalities into one brotherhood.Allāh says: “Indeed the Believers are but brothers.”[Qur’aan 49:10]So you will be our brother or sisters in Islām when you convert to IslāmAny human being can embrace Islām. You do not need anyones permission to become Muslim. You can be any colour, race, age, speak any language and still become a Muslim. There are many American, British, European, Indian, children and Adults who accept Islām every day.You may hear from some Muslims incorrect advice due to their lack of knowledge of Islām or due to lack of correct knowledge of Islām. So please note that:You do not need to do a course or obtain a certificate to become a MuslimSomeone may say you have to do a course or obtain a certificate to be a Muslim. This is incorrect. You do not need to attend a course or obtain a certificate to become Muslim. You should not delay in becoming a MuslimIf someone advices you to delay your conversion to Islām. This is also incorrect. If you believe Islām is the truth then you should not delay your conversion to Islām. You should revert immediately because we are given a certain lifespan. Since we do not know when we are going to die. Not even a minute should be lost as your time to leave this life may be up the next minute.If you have tattoos you can still become a MuslimTattoos are not allowed in Islām but they DO NOT prevent a person becoming Muslim. You should become Muslims and latter you can have the tattoos removed if you can afford it. If you can not afford it then do not worry there is no sin on you for what you did before becoming Muslim You are still a Muslim.If you have committed many sins in past you can still become a MuslimNo matter what sins you have committed or how wild your past was. You can still become a Muslim.. Islām erases all sins committed prior to becoming a Muslim. Prophet (may the peace and blessings and mercy of Allāh be upon him) said, Islām annuls what came before it. (narrated by Muslim in his Sahih, no. 121).As soon as you become a Muslim all your previous sins are forgiven and you start a blank state. Or a complete clean record.Muslim (121) narrated that Amr ibn al-Aas (may Allāh be pleased with him) said: When Allāh put Islām in my heart, I came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) and said: Give me your right hand so that I may swear allegiance to you. He held out his hand and I withdrew my hand. He said, What is the matter, Oh Amr? I said, I want to stipulate a condition. He said, What do you want to stipulate? I said, That I will be forgiven. He said, Do you not know that Islām destroys that which came before it?A Small child can still become a Muslim without parents’ permissionIf you are a child you do not need your parent’s permission to become a Muslim. If you fear they may harm, you can become Muslim in secret and tell them when you are ready.What if their are no Muslims (or no Mosque or Islāmic center) in your townAnother common question is that there are no Muslims in the city. This too is not an obstacle in you becoming a Muslim. You do not have to go to a Masjid (Mosque) or Islāmic center or know any Muslims in order to be a Muslim. You can say the declaration of faith (called the Shahadah) to yourself and from then onwards you are a Muslim.How to become a MuslimTo become a Muslim one must simply pronounce the Shahaadatayn (Declaration of Faith) with sincerity and conviction. The Shahadah can be declared as follows:“ASH-HADU ANLA ELAHA ILLA-ALLĀH WA ASH-HADU ANNA MOHAMMADAN RASUL-ALLĀH .”The English translation is:“I bear witness that there is no deity worthy to be worshiped but Allāh , and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and messenger.”The Shahadah is the dividing line between unbelief (kufr) and Islām. It is also called the kalimah (word). Whoever says it with truthfulness will enter the Gardens of ParadiseIt is [a kalimah] that Allāh Himself has testified to, as have the angels and those who possess knowledge from amongst His creation. Allāh the Most High said:“Allāh bears witness that none has the right to be worshiped except Him; as do the angels and those who possess knowledge. He maintains His creation upon justice. None has the right to be worshiped except Him, the All-Mighty, All-Wise.”[Qur’aan Aal-Imraan 3:18]It is a concise declaration that contains few letters; light upon the tongue, yet heavy in the scales.The Prophet ﷺ said: “A person from my ummah will be summoned in front of everyone on the Day of Resurrection. Ninety-nine scrolls will be unfurled for him, each scroll extending as far as the eye can see. Then it will be said: Do you deny any of this [i.e. your bad deeds]? So the man will reply: No, 0 Lord. Then it will be said: Do you have any excuse or any good deed? The man, in a state of terror, will answer: No. It will then be said: Rather, you do have some good deeds and no injustice will befall you this Day. So a parchment will be taken out for him, upon which there will be the testification of laa ilaaha illAllāh and the testification that Muhammad is the Slave and Messenger of Allāh . The man will say: 0h Lord, what is this parchment in comparison to those scrolls! It will be said to him: No injustice shall befall you. The scrolls will then be placed in one of the scales and the parchment in the other; the scrolls will be light in weight, whereas the parchment will be heavy.” ( Reported by at-Tirmidhee (no.2641), from Abdullaah ibn Amr radi’Allaahu anhu. It was declared to be saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaanee in as-Saheehah (no.135).Meaning of this Declaration of Faith (Shahadah)The first part of the Shahadah is laa ilaaha illAllāh (none has the right to be worshiped except Allāh ) and the first part if the Shahadah has two pillars: The first pillar is the pillar of negation (nafee), whilst the second is the pillar of affirmation (ithbaat). What is meant by negation is to negate divinity and worship (ilaahiyyah) for anything except Allāh , the Most High. What is meant by affirmation is to affirm divinity and worship only for Allāh the Most Perfect; for it is He alone that is the true Deity. So whatever else is taken by the unbelievers as deities to be worshiped are in fact all false and futile: That is because Allāh is the true Deity to be worshiped, and whatever else they invoke besides Him is vain falsehood. [Soorah al-Hajj 22:62]All the messengers of Allāh told their people none has the right to be worshiped except AllāhAllāh said: “We did not send any Messenger before you, except that We revealed to him that none has the right to be worshiped except Me; so worship Me.” [Qur’aan Soorah al-Anbiyaa 21:25]Allāh the Exalted also said: “He sends down the angels with the revelation of His commands to whosoever of His slaves that He wills, saying: Warn mankind that none has the right to be worshiped except Me. So fear Me [by keeping away from sin and disobedience].” [Qur’aan Soorah an-Nahl 16:2]It is a concise declaration that contains few letters; light upon the tongue, yet heavy in the scales.Allāh ‘s Messenger Peace be upon him said: “Moses said: 0h my Lord! Teach me something by which I can remember You and supplicate to You. Allāh said: 0h Moses! say laa ilaaha ilAllāh. Moses said: 0h my Lord! All Your slaves say this. Allāh said: 0h Moses! If the seven heavens and all that they contain, other than Me, and the seven earths were placed in one scale, and laa ilaaha ilAllāh were put in the other, then laa ilaaha illAllāh would outweigh them all.” (Reported by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh (no.2324) and al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (1/528).The second part of the “Shahadah” i.e. “Wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan abduhu wa rasuluh” means that the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) is the servant and chosen messenger of Allāh . No one should be in any doubt about this matter. In fact, the Muslim has to obey the commands of the Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him), to believe in what he has said, to follow his Teachings, to avoid what he has forbidden, and to worship A11ah alone according to the message revealed to him.What is the meaning of worship?It simply means rendering sincere service; showing reverence for Allāh . In a deeper shade of meaning, it implies total submission and complete obedience to Allāh ‘s Commandments both in utterances and actions, whether explicit or implicit and in private or public.Worship falls into two categories:Visible (manifest or outward)Visible worship includes acts such as uttering the two parts of the “shahadah”, performing prayers, giving Zakat (obligatory charity), observing the fast in the month of Ramadan, performing Hajj, recitation of the Holy Qur’aan, supplication, adoring Allāh by praising Him, purifying our bodies before prayers, etc.This type of worship is associated with the movement of the parts of human body, [actions].Invisible (concealed or inward)Invisible worship is to believe in Allāh , in the Day of Judgment, in the Hereafter, in the Angels, in the Books of Allāh , in the Divine Decree of destiny (that good and bad are determined by Allāh alone)This type of worship does not involve movements of parts of the body but it surely has a bearing on one’s heart which, subsequently, affects one’s way of life (beliefs).It should be borne in mind that worship not dedicated to Allāh alone, will be rejected as one form of polytheism or “shirk”, which amounts to apostasy, from the Islāmic point of view.How to declare the ShahadahA person does NOT need to do a course or obtain a certificate to become a Muslim.If there are no Mosques or Muslims in your area; and you do not have a means of contacting any Muslims via phone or online then you can declare the Shahadah to yourself.If you wish for us to go through it with you step by step. Please do no not hesitate to leave us a message and we can arrange an online meeting at a mutually convenient time.However, it is not sufficient for anyone to only utter this testimony orally either in private or in public; but rather, he or she should believe in it with a firm conviction and unshakable faith and then act upon it. Once you have said the Shahadah then you will be like a New Born Person. Free of any sins. Just like a child is born sinless.Shahadah During MenstruationIt does not matter if a woman is menstruating. You can say your Shahadah even when you are menstruating. The women do not go inside the prayer area of the Masjid (Mosque) when menstruating. However if they want to say their Shahadah at the Masjid they can arrange to say it say just outside the Masjid or part of the Masjid complex which is not regarded as the place of prayer.Pledge of AllegianceDuring the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) the people would also give their Bai’a (pledge of allegiance ) and the Prophet peace be upon him would accept their pledge.Pledge of allegiance being that they would obey his commands, Be on his, the Muslims and Islām side against the enemies of Islām even if the enemy was their own relatives and friends. That they would fight on the side of the Muslims. That they would not fight on the side of the non Muslims against the Muslims. That they would not give information to the non Muslims which they could used against the Muslims.After the death of the Prophet (peace be upon him) the believing men and women would give their pledge of allegiance to the Muslim nation (khalif) and the Khalif would accept their pledge of allegiance.During the treaty of hudaybiyah believing women would migrate to the Muslim side in the city of Madina and give their pledge of allegiance to the Prophet peace be upon him. To check those who migrated to the Islāmic state in Madina were true believers and not just women who had run away from their non Muslim families. Allāh revealed the following verse.Allāh said:“O Prophet! When believing women come to you to give you the Bai’a (pledge), that they will not associate anything in worship with Allāh , that they will not steal, that they will not commit illegal sexual intercourse, that they will not kill their children, that they will not utter slander, intentionally forging falsehood (i.e. by making illegal children belonging to their husbands), and that they will not disobey you in any Ma’ruf (everything good according to Islām) then accept their Bai’a (pledge), and ask Allāh to forgive them, Verily, Allāh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”. (Qur’an 60:12)So the Prophet would say to them “Pledge to me in that you will not associate any with Allāh , nor steal, nor commit Zina, nor kill your children” Then he would recite the above verse (Qur’aan 60 verse 12) and when the women agreed to those conditions then he would say I have accepted your pledge and he would add “Those among you who fulfil this pledge, will receive their reward from Allāh . Those who deviate from any of it and receive the legal punishment (in this life), the punishment will be expiation for that sin. Whoever deviates from any of it and Allāh screens him, then it is up to Allāh to punish or forgive if He wills.”The Prophet peace be upon him would shake the hands of the men who had give their pledge. In case of women he only took their pledge by word because in Islām a it is not allowed to shake hands with the opposite sex who are non mehrem.Narrated ‘Ubada bin As-Samit:who took part in the battle of Badr and was a Naqib (a person heading a group of six persons), on the night of Al-‘Aqaba pledge: Allāh ‘s Apostle said while a group of his companions were around him, “Swear allegiance to me for:Not to join anything in worship along with Allāh .Not to steal.Not to commit illegal sexual intercourse.Not to kill your children.Not to accuse an innocent person (to spread such an accusation among people).Not to be disobedient (when ordered) to do good deed.”The Prophet added: “Whoever among you fulfils his pledge will be rewarded by Allāh . And whoever indulges in any one of them (except the ascription of partners to Allāh ) and gets the punishment in this world, that punishment will be an expiation for that sin. And if one indulges in any of them, and Allāh conceals his sin, it is up to Him to forgive or punish him (in the Hereafter).” ‘Ubada bin As-Samit added: “So we swore allegiance for these.” (points to Allāh ‘s Apostle) (Bukhari Volume: 1, Book Number: 2, Hadith Number: 17)Narrated Jarir bin Abdullah:I gave the pledge of allegiance to Allāh ‘s Apostle for the following:offer prayers perfectlypay the Zakat (obligatory charity)and be sincere and true to every Muslim.(Bukhari Book Number: 2, Hadith Number: 54)Unfortunately the Islāmic state was destroyed in 1924 and since then we have had no khalif.However we will have it one day and in the meantime those Muslims should take note of this pledge of Allegiance and the need for a khalif. Thus even in the absence of the Khalif a Muslim should sincerely adhere to the conditions that Muslims used to pledge to. So a persons loyalty should be with the true Muslims.The Conditions of the ShahadahPronouncing the testimony of faith is sufficient to make one to revert to Islām. There are however, seven conditions that must be observed before it can effectively make one a Muslim. These are describe as follows:1 Knowledge (Al-ilm)Knowledge (al-ilm) of its meaning, what it negates and affirms. If a person says it without knowing its meaning, nor what its requirements are, then he will not benefit by it, because he has not believed in what it requires. Rather, he is like someone who speaks in a language that he does not understand.2 Certainty (Al-Yaqeen)The heart must be firmly certain of the meaning of Shahadah without a blemish of doubt.Allāh the Exalted says: “Verily, the believers are only those who truly believe in Allāh and His Messenger, and then doubt not.” (Qur’aan 49:15).The Messenger of Allāh , peace be upon him, said: “I bear witness that there is no god but Allāh , and I am the Messenger of Allāh . No slave meets Allāh with this testimony, having no doubt in it but shall enter Jannah.”( Muslim) :3 Sincerity (Al-Ikhlaas)Exclusively worshiping Allāh , which is contrary to shirk. This is what laa ilaaha illAllāh points towards.Allāh , the Exalted, said: “And they were not commanded but to worship Allāh , being sincere in devoting religion to Him.” (Qur’aan 98:5).Abu Hurairah said: “I asked the Messenger of Allāh , peace be upon him: Messenger of Allāh ! Who will be most fortunate to enjoy your shafa’ah (intercession) on the Day of Resurrection? The Messenger of Allāh , peace be upon him, said: I was certain that no one else would ask me about this other than you, because I have noticed your keenness for hadeeth. The most fortunate of men who will enjoy my shafa’ah on the Day of Resurrection is the one who says: (La Ilaha Illa Allāh ) “None has the right to be worshiped except Allāh “, sincerely from his heart..”(Musnad al-Imam Ahmad.)4 Truthfulness (As-Sidq)Truthfulness (as-sidq), which prevents hypocrisy (nifaaq). Indeed, the hypocrites uttered it with their tongues, but did not inwardly believe in what it signified.The Messenger of Allāh said: “Anyone testifies that there is no god but Allāh and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allāh , truthfully from his heart, Allāh would forbid his admittance to the Fire.”(Muslim)5 Love and affection (Al-Mahabbah )Love (al-mahabbah) for this kalimah and having love and pleasure for whatever it necessitates. This is contrary to the [state of the] hypocrites.The Messenger of Allāh , peace be upon him, said: “There are three (qualities), whoever possesses them, will taste the sweetness of Iman (belief): to love Allāh and His Messenger more than anyone else, to love the Muslim only for the sake of Allāh , and to dread returning to kufr (apostasy) as he dreads being thrown in fire.” ( Bukhari and Muslim.)Allāh says to His Messenger (peace be upon him)Say (O Muhammad SAW to mankind): “If you (really) love Allāh then follow me (i.e. accept Islāmic Monotheism, follow the Qur’aan and the Sunnah), Allāh will love you and forgive you of your sins. And Allāh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (3:31)Allāh says: “Allāh shall bring forth a people whom He loves and they love Him.”(Qur’aan 5:54)The Prophet, peace be upon him, also said: “None of you shall (really) believe until I become dearer to him than his own father, and son and all mankind.” ( Bukhari and Muslim.)6 Submission (Al-Inqiyaad) internally and externallySubmissive compliance (al-inqiyaad), by fulfilling its rights – which are the obligatory actions – with sincerity to Allāh and seeking His good pleasure. This is its requirement. Allāh , the Exalted, says: “And he who submits himself to Allāh , and does good, he has surely grasped a strong handle.” ( Qur’aan 31:22).Allāh also says: “And turn you to your Rabb, and submit yourselves to Him.”(:Qur’aan 39:54).7 Acceptance and conformity (Al-Qubool)Acceptance (al-qabool), which prevents rejection.This is achieved by acting upon what Allāh has commanded and abandoning whatever He has prohibited.Abu Musa al-Ash’aree reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him said: “The parable of guidance and knowledge which Allāh has sent me with is like a rain which fell on a land. A patch of that land received the water and produced much herbage and grass. And a patch which was barren. The latter retained water wherewith Allāh extended benefits to men: they drank from it, irrigated and planted their vegetation. And a patch which was a sandy plain, it neither retained water nor produced herbage. This is parallel to the person who conceived the religion of Allāh and benefited from the Message with which Allāh has sent me, whereby he learns and taught others. The other person turned away from it (from my Message), and rejected the guidance of Allāh with which I am sent..” Bukhari and Muslim.)Allāh says “Indeed in the Messenger of Allāh (Muhammad peace be upon him) you have a good example to follow for him who hopes in (the Meeting with) Allāh and the Last Day and remembers Allāh much.”(33:21)And Allāh also says in Surah Al-Hashr….And whatsoever the Messenger (Muhammad peace be upon him) gives you, take it, and whatsoever he forbids you, abstain (from it) , and fear Allāh . Verily, Allāh is Severe in punishment. (59:7)Again Allāh says:O you who believe! Obey Allāh and obey the Messenger (Muhammad peace be upon him), and those of you (Muslims) who are in authority. (And) if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allāh and His Messenger ( peace be upon him), if you believe in Allāh and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination.(4:59)And Allāh says:But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad ) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.In the next verse Allāh again tells his MessengerSay (O Muhammad peace be upon him): “Obey Allāh and the Messenger (Muhammad peace be upon him).” But if they turn away, then Allāh does not like the disbeliever’s” (3:32)Islām unites together people of different colours, languages, races. and nationalities into one brotherhood.Allāh says: “Indeed the Believers are but brothers.” [Qur’aan 4 9:10]Before Islām people in Arabia were dived into different tribes. Some of them were at constant war with each other, Islām came and Allāh put peace and love in their hearts for each other.Allāh the Most High said: “And remember the favor of Allāh upon you, for you were once enemies to one another but He joined your hearts together in love, so that by His Grace you became brothers.” [Soorah Aal-Imraan 3:103]And Allāh the Most High said: “He it is that has strengthened you with His help and with the Believers. And moreover, He has united their hearts with love and affection. If you had spent all that is in the earth, you could not have united their hearts with love and affection. However, Allāh has united them. Indeed Allāh is the All-Mighty, All-Wise.” [Soorah al-Anfaal 8:62- 63].Allāh has stated in the Holy Qur’aan:“… whoever disbelieves in false deities and believes in Allāh , hath grasped the most trustworthy handhold, that will never break…” (2:256)The Invalidators of IslāmYou should know, dear Muslim brother/sister , that Allāh made it obligatory upon all His slaves to enter Islām and hold on to it, and warned them against following other than Islām. He also sent His Prophet Muhammad to call mankind to it. Allāh has informed us in the Qur’aan that guided are those who follow the teachings of Islām, and misguided are those who reject them. He warned us in many Verses against the causes of apostasy and all forms of Shirk and disbelief Religious scholars have mentioned that there are a number of invalidators that are bound to take one out of the fold of Islām. For the sake of attaining salvation in the Hereafter, here are the ten most critical of these invalidators of Islām:1 . To associate others with Allāh in worship.The Qur’aan says:“Allāh forgives not (the sin of) setting up partners with Him in worship, but He forgives whom He pleases other sins than this.” (Soorah 4:116)“Whoever sets up partners with Allāh in worship, Allāh will forbid him Paradise, and the Fire will be his abode. For the wrongdoers there are no helpers.” (Soorah 5:72)Forms of worship include calling upon the dead, seeking their assistance, offering sacrifices to them, and taking vows in their names.To set up intermediaries between oneself and Allāh , seeking their intercession and putting absolute trust in them. Those who do so are unanimously considered disbelievers.Not to accuse polytheists and those who commit Shirk of disbelief, to be in doubt as to their being disbelievers, or to approve of their beliefs.To believe that the Prophet’s guidance is not complete or perfect or that other people’s ruling and judgment is better than his. Those who prefer the rule of false gods are blatant.5 . Those who hate anything that the Prophet came with are also disbelievers even if they act upon them. The Qur’aan says:“That is because they hate that which Allāh sent down, so He has made their deeds fruitless.” (Soorah 47:9)Those who ridicule anything that Islām came with, such as punishment and reward in the Hereafter, are disbelievers. The Qur’aan says:“Say: ‘Was it at Allāh , and His Signs, and His Messenger, that you were mocking? Make no excuse; you have rejected Faith after you had accepted it.”(9:65,66)Magic in all its forms, including turning someone away from somebody that he or she loves, and making someone love someone or something he or she does not normally like. Whoever practices magic or approves of it is a disbeliever, as evidenced by the Qur’aanic Verse that says:“But neither of these (two angels) taught anyone (such things) without saying, We are only for trial, so disbelieve not (by learning this magic from us).”(Soorah 2:102)Supporting the disbelievers against the believers, Allāh says what means: “And if any amongst you takes them (as supporters), then surely, he is one of them. Verily, Allāh guides not those people who are the Thaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers and unjust)”(Al-Maa’idah: 51).Those who believe that it is in their power or authority to for sake the law of Islām are disbelievers. The Qur’aan says:“And whoever seeks a religion other than Islām, it will never be accepted of him; and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers.” (Soorah 3:85)To turn away from Islām and to stubbornly refuse to learn its teachings or act upon them. The Qur’aan says:“And who does more wrong than he who is reminded of the Signs of his Lord, then he turns away there from? Verily from those who transgress We shall exact (due) retribution.” (Soorah 32:22)There is no excuse for committing any of the above mentioned nullifications, regardless of whether one did it seriously, jokingly or fearfully unless one was forced to say or do any of them. A believer must be careful not to commit any of them, so as not to be deserving of the punishment of Allāh.SummaryIt is easy to become a Muslim. All a person has to do is declareShahadah can be declared as follows:“ASH-HADU ANLA ELAHA ILLA-ALLĀH WA ASH-HADU ANNA MOHAMMADAN RASUL-ALLĀH .”The English translation is:“I bear witness that there is no deity worthy to be worshiped but Allāh , and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.”We have to consider that when we declare from our hearts, “there is no god worthy to be worshiped but Allāh .” It implies on our part of love, devotion, faith and obedience to the rules of Islāmic legislation which are legally binding on all Muslims. It is a requirement of “there is no god worthy to be worshiped but Allāh ,” to love for the sake of Allāh and to reject for the sake of Allāh . This is the finest anchor of belief.When one truly believes that Islām is the true religion of God and that “there is no god worthy to be worshiped but Allāh and Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.” Then he or she should declare the Shahadah right away. He or she should not hesitate.We are given a certain lifespan. We do not know when that life span will end. It may end this very minute even. Therefore a person should say the Shahadah and then work on becoming the best Muslim he or she can be.Some of you will find some aspects of Islām difficult at first. For instance some new Muslim sisters find it difficult to wear Hijab at first. However with time they have eventually grown in their faith and are now wearing the full Islāmic dress and encouraging even sisters born into Muslim families to wear full Islāmic dress. Some were vegetarian before they became Muslim. Eating meat seemed impossible to them. Now after a few years they have started to even eat meat. Please do not worry about any barriers you may have. become Muslims and you will see those barriers crashing down as you grow in your religion.However one should recognise that Islām requires a complete submission to the will of God. What Allāh has told us do we should try to do and what Allāh has told us not to do. We should not do.Now that you have said the Shahadah you are a Muslim.Peace and Guidance…

In the name of the Most Gracious Most MercifulFirstly salaamSecondly, I know exactly what you're talking about darling. I request that you hold onto this message for a moment. It was the worst (insert your favourite four letter word) nightmare ever. Especially as a girl. But at this juncture, there is something else, above all, that reigns the world and tramples all it's oppression and narcissism (which would have been a paradox) .Thirdly, my answer is very long, but the question left me with no choice. Do not expect a short answer for a such a delicate situation. As much as I’ve tried to narrow it down, every single aspect is of equal importance.TahaWe have not sent down to you the Qur'an that you be distressedBut only as a reminder for those who fear [ Allah ] -A revelation from He who created the earth and highest heavensThe Most Merciful [who is] above the Throne established.To Him belongs what is in the heavens and what is on the earth and what is between them and what is under the soil.And if you speak aloud - then indeed, He knows the secret and what is [even] more hidden.Allah (God) - there is no deity except Him. To Him belong the best names.This is perhaps (most surely in competition with only the Quran ) the greatest words I have ever read.First, God uses words of Letters to an unlettered Prophet, to show that only He (Glory be to Him) could say it. The words recited thereafter, is the Maxim for everything I will say. For if there is distress and harm, worry and abuse, it is not Quran. There is none other than THE MOST MERCIFUL who reigns above the universes.As a scholar for approximately ten years of the religion, I have something to share with you.To begin with, my disgust and despondency with the responses. I didn't want to waste my answer on people who have no respect for the simple, innocent question of a teenager and “advice” and “parent” her when she is so broken, pained, frustrated, misunderstood, and perhaps feels imprisoned. For all those who have said that they ‘don not understand fully what the situation is’, I urge that you practice patience before acting out rashly. For if she did not explain fully, perhaps there is a reason behind it.Call a spade a spadeParents have been gifted a lofty position in Islam- to the extent of which Paradise resides under the feet of your mother and through the happiness of your father will you enter it with ease. With that being said, every coin has a flip side and Islam is a religion of moderation. Just as the parents have rights over their offspring, so do the children over their parents. I find it particularly saddening that we tend to lean onto the “disobedient” red card as society, when we feel violated of our rights by our kids, yet very few altruistic individuals actually take out the time to address both parties with justice- above equality. Therefore, in this discussion, i will be focusing on the latter.. the often neglected patch of grass- the right of children over their parents in Islam.Parents have an unmatched right to be treated with kindness, etc. But that DOES NOT MEAN that they may abuse the right to any degree. They will be charged for this on the day of reckoning for Allah is Most Just, All Knowing.Those in authoritative positions translate love as “I'm hurting you. ….only because I love you”, which is in itself a paradox.Though downplayed it may seem, there is no way that anyone can really understand a situation such as yours , except when placed in the situation. The reason being, as I had learned from Tony Robbins years back who quotes:This spoke to me on every level. And soon thereafter, I realised that people never do things considered “wrong” without pain in the background…without insecurities. A proud person is nothing but insecure from within. A vain person is nothing but ugly to themselves. A miser is nothing but fearing the lack of abundance. A coward is nothing but fearing rejection. A critic is nothing but harsh and critical on themselves. How can anyone truly be blamed? Only the The Most High Most Exalted can decide. He sent to us a message of Mercy. The “rebellion” of a child is never done without at first feeling extremely controlled and in many ways mistrusted.In the view of the AlmightyThere was once a woman who was notorious for her lewd and immodest nature, a prostitute, yet she was accepted and forgiven by the Almighty for her kindness towards a panting dog when she quenched it's thirst by filling water into her shoe and allowing it to drink.A well known story which many have taken for granted.On the same note, there was once a woman who was considered very “pious” and spent her days in prayer and obedience to her Lord. Yet she owned a cat who she kept tied within the house and did not feed it nor allowed it to go out to find food. The Prophet (pbuh) proclaimed that she will be in the Hell-fire for her oppression!Who may declare your wretchedness or piety when no person has proof of the forgiveness of their LordSo do not claim yourselves to be pure; He is most knowing of who fears Him.Quran 53:32If we are truly so unsure about whom the Lord has specially chosen, then it is only best that we give every person a fair chance to be proven worthy.No….I'm not just here to advise you. I'm not just putting a whole lot of information for no reason. I'm here to tell you what's really meant to happen.There is an age-old claim thatIslam is not spread by the sword but by refined character.It is a well known statement amongst Muslim people. If you look into the past, through the annals of history, of the great giants of the religion, this Maxim was used most appropriately and extravagantly. The concept of “invitation” was through ~absolute and complete freedom of choice~ and there was a great level of personal privacy and respect for each and every individual. No slave or free person could be stopped from practicing the religion which they had chosen.I want you to know that it's not your fault. Your rebellion is due to the abusive nature of your parents, because of their insecurities.The renowned journalist-Yvonne Ridley, documents her stay as captive in the “World’s most terrifying prison” in Afghanistan. She speaks about how she made sure that she would forcefully be the worst woman prisoner that they have ever witnessed, for she was sure that she would be “stoned” anyway. She was taken aback and mesmerised by the unmatched kindness and refinement of her Captors. She was treated with utmost respect and spoken to with dignity. When she returned, she accepted Islam, with every atom of her body and heart. As I watched her speak, the light shone through her and she radiated love and confidence.It was during the time of my life that I too, was experiencing hell with my parents. I knew that there was more to the religion than how my parents portrayed it.They were, to the world, the most dedicated, pious people that anyone had known. My mother was ‘learned’, and so was my father, as learned as the society wanted them to be. Yet behind closed doors they were the most abusive, verbally, emotionally and energetically that I ever had and ever will come across. I was imprisoned in my own house, and the more I tried to describe my situation, the less understood I felt… the more helpless i seemed.. the more stupid i appeared. They played with our minds by using tools of blackmail. They did not allow us to work, yet blamed us for placing financial strain upon them. I suffered from anxiety attacks and many other bodily malfunctions. My mother was a narcissist, which in itself is a paradox, for a mother is the epitome of kindness. She thrived on our pain…as hard to believe as that may sound. Any improvements in our moods, anytime we healed even in the least bit, she left no stone unturned in sabotaging our happiness. Most importantly, she was always the innocent one, the one who was so true, sincere, and ‘only wanting the best’ for us, and yes, this was all done in the name of Islam and “your parents have a right over you… they are always right.”We were constantly given the “parent lecture”:Parents are always right. Parents always want the best for you. Your parents are your best friends. There is no one in the World that cares for you as much as your parents. After Allah your parents have the greatest right upon you…Even worse, how will you answer to your Lord? How will you pass through your life in the grave? How will you manage your entire life on this Earth? The list goes on…guilt was our payment for all their “love”.Our only disobedience was not accepting their painful criticism. Our disobedience was passive, it involved choosing to have fun, even though, believe it or not, we were not allowed to laugh or be jolly in the house. it infuriated my mother, which she showed in the most intelligently painful ways, with criticism and hints, and it enraged my father, as he would bellow at us which was extremely abusive and painful.Culture plays a BIG ROLE in parenting. Parents tend to do what they do because that's what their parents had done….and, as we know, “Parents are always right”It was the habit of the esteemed Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) to stand up, kiss his beloved daughter on the forehead, and offer her his place when she entered the room. Many people, when reading about this, will say that that was the perfect father, with the perfect daughter, in the perfect situation. However, I beg to differ, for in the Quran it states:Say: "If you love Allah, then follow me and Allah will love you and forgive your sins." (Surah Al `Imran: 31)If following the blessed Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) was not something that we could really inculcate, then it would not have been a command in the Quran. Yes, there were exceptions in the blessed traditions for his followers, but in this case there was no exception whatsoever to the practice. It was a sign of Respect, Nobility, Humbleness, and most importantly, Reverence for a woman…his child.Women were described by the Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) as “glass”. He wanted to teach us that their hearts are fragile, that we should not hurt her heart, that we should take into account her feelings, and respect and honour her.Take solace from these examples, as that is what my message really is about.In the Holy Quran, the Lord Himself takes the part of the woman! Then who are we to deny?Indeed, Allah has heard (the) speech (of one) who disputes with you concerning her husband and she directs her complaint to Allah. And Allah hears (the) dialogue of both of you. Indeed, Allah (is) All-Hearer, All-Seer. Al Quran 58:1And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good. 4:19Allah does not want to punish you. He understands why you're going through what you're going through. He understands why you're wanting to turn away, and he will support you more than anyone else can.“Women Must Submit”I recently read a terrible statement about women in one of the other religious Scriptures. It stated that women should submit their will to their husbands. That they should remain silent. That they should be silent in their places of worship and not ask any questions. If they wish to ask a question they should ask it from their husbands.A woman’s opinion in Islam: One day Caliph Umar Ibnul Khattaab (ra) during the course of his sermon to the people, said: “If any one marries and fixes a mehr (dowry) for more than 400 dirhams for his wife, I will inflict the prescribed punishment on him and will deposit the excess amount in the Baitu’l-Mal (Public Treasury).”A woman from the audience called out: “Umar! Is what you say more acceptable or Allah’s ordinance? Does not Allah Almighty say: ‘And if you wish to have (one) wife in place of another and you have given one of them a heap of gold, then take not from it anything.’” (4:20)Having heard this verse and the retort of the woman, Umar said: “You have better knowledge of jurisprudence and problems than Umar, all of you, including even the women observing hijab sitting in their homes.”Then Umar again mounted the pulpit and said: “Although I have forbidden you to give more than 400 dirhams as dowry to your wives, I now permit you to give as much as you like beyond the appointed limit. There is no harm in it.”Umar (ra) was so humble and repectful to women, that when a woman stood up and interrupted him, proved his ruling erroneous, and proved to be more intelligent in the matter, he was taken aback and admitted to her knowledge, intelligence and wisdom. In addition to that, he immediately altered the ruling in favour of the women! This was in no way considered below his dignity. He was known as Farooq, which means the one who differentiates between falsehood and truth.Hope…There was once a PROSTITUTE, considered perhaps the lowest of rank the eyes of society, who decided to approach the messenger (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) . I personally am marvelled at her gutsy nature as the Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) was extremely awe-striking and his face was a striking eminence of divine light. As is documented by his Noble Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all) that none of them looked up straight into his blessed eyes in respect and awe of His Grace. Yet this woman walked up to the Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) while he was eating. She swayed her hips and had an alluring gait. She walked straight ahead, passed the blessed companions, and approached the Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him). She asked him for his food. Humbly, with his blessed gaze lowered, in his noble generosity, he gave her the plate. However, she had a different intention. She wanted the morsel that the Prophet (pbuh) was about to consume. Still lowering his Blessed gaze, he gave it to her.oh my oh my! Begone oh words of healing and cures, for in the presence of the sea, what is a droplet from my pen?!The woman had barely swallowed the morsel when modesty overcame her. She became extremely bashful and soon gained the title of the most modest woman of the city.Imagine for a second, oh beloved sister in Islam, if the Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) had chosen to punish her, embarrass her, or perhaps worse, to lecture and reprimand her! Would she still have turned out to be the most modest woman in the city? It is virtually impossible! In addition to that, had he (pbuh) chosen to deny her the morsel, what indeed would he have deprived her of?Compare this to our society today. How would a woman of such lewdness be seen as in the eyes of the people? If a girl commits even the tiniest mistake, her reputation is ruined “forever”. However, how was this woman treated by the society who are our role models? Was she shunned and banned because ‘ she was once a prostitute and she can never regain her chastity?’ NO. She was given another chance, a complete, sincere chance, by her society, but most importantly, by the Holy Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) himself. for if he had chosen not to give her another chance, he would’ve surely requested that she leave and expressed her immodesty and unworthiness of such noble presence.We “cage” our women up and expect them to be silent and follow through. Whereas they have the right to find their own roads through life. Yet are meant to be protected. But NOT SMOTHERED by our their guardians. No person has the right to manipulate your actions.Kindness to Children:The Prophet ( pbuh ) mentioned MERCY TO CHILDREN first. My beloved Spiritual Mentor, who is a Leading Scholar in Hadeeth (sayings of the Noble Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is a Learned man (Aalim) , a philosopher, psychologist, poet, calligraphist, amongst others, and above all, a Great Lover of the One and Only.He taught me, after quoting this saying of the prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) that there is no such thing as the older ones expecting to be respected when they did not show mercy to their young FIRST. The Noble Prophet ( pbuh ) in his wisdom mentioned the sequence precisely to teach us that:Respect begets RespectThose who are above us, need to show mercy to those who are below us. If they do not do so, then they should never expect their young ones to respect them.. There is absolutely no exception to this rule. I would've loved to use my spiritual mentor as an example but what better example than that of the paragon of creation.The “best amongst you” is a very weighty statement. It signifies and clarifies what “piety” in “essence” really mean, and which kind of persons really possess it.The Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) had a young boy named Anas bin Malik to serve him. The boy had selflessly chosen to do so and there was absolutely no force upon him. Once when the Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) instructed him to run an errand, the young Anas (ra) became distracted, and began playing with his other playmates. Time lapsed and the Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) waited, but to no avail. When He (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) stepped outdoors he seen the young boy playing. Anas was reminded of his chore, but the Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) did not rebuke nor reprimand him. He narrates:by Allaah, he never said to me for anything which I did: ‘Why have you done this like this?’ or, for anything which I did not do: ‘Why have you not done this like this?'” [Reported by al-Bukhaaree]Could there have been a better opportunity to REPRIMAND and REBUKE the boy? After all, he needed to ‘learn’/ ‘be put in place’ at times! The Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) had all the authority to ‘teach him lessons for life’. why then, did He (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) choose to be kind? Why then did he choose to be so patient?The Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him) of Islam guaranteed Paradise as the recompense of every father who conducts himself well with his daughters, has patience in raising them, provides their moral education, and observes Allah’s commands concerning them until they come of age or until he has found a good suitor for them . The Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him) mentions that the place of such a father in Paradise is next to him.“Whoever brings up two girls till they reach the age of puberty, he and I will come on the Day of Resurrection like this,” (and he joined his blessed fingers.)“If parents are kind and generous towards their daughters, then they will be so close to Him (The Holy Prophet Peace and Blessings of Allah be Upon Him) in Jannah, like one finger is to the next.”The Holy Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be Upon Him) has also stated that“The person who is faced with hardship due to his daughters, and makes Sabr (is patient), then his daughters will be a Pardah (curtain) between him and the Hell-fire.”Sayyiduna Ibn ‘Abbas (Radi Allahu Ta’ala Anhu) recounted,“Whoever had a female who was not buried nor insulted by him, and had not preferred his male children to her, Allah admits him to Paradise.”The beloved Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi wa Sallam commanded:“Whenever you buy anything from the market place first present it to your female children then to your male children.”“When a girl is born to a family, then between the parents and Hell, there shall be a distance of five hundred years.”It has been stated that:When parents rejoice at the birth of a daughter, this is greater than making Tawaaf (circumbulating) of the Kaaba seventy times.When Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal (Rahmatullahi Ta’ala Anhu) would hear that one of his relatives or friends had a baby girl, he would say to them,“Congratulations for the Prophets were mostly fathers of daughters.”Find me Scriptures of another religion which can even compare.When I become impatient with children’s ‘misbehavior’, I think about my beloved Redeemer and Mentor, what patience and love, wisdom and insight did he possess?! I am marvelled at the forbearing nature he (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) had possessed. I learnt from His teachings, though they were not in words, that shouting a child only breaks their delicate hearts and any form of criticism in any way is received very well by the fragile mind of the child.Prophet's love for his companions and followers was reflected in his extreme patience and care for their feelingsOne day, he found a boy called Umair who was happy taking care of a bird he had called Al-Nughair, so each time he went past him, the prophet asked him: How is Al-Nughair? And Umair would happily respond saying he was fine.One day, the prophet saw Umair crying and asked him how is Al-Nughiar, so the boy said, “Al-Nughair died, O prophet of Allah”. With that, Prophet Muhammad, (peace be upon him,) stopped to console the boy and to try to cheer him up.That was how our prophet was, compassionate, caring and Merciful.Melted is my heart in his Love. May the choicest blessings of God be upon him. Look at how he respected the pain of a child!Yet we Invoke pain upon children thinking that they “deserve it”, or an even worse statement: “sometimes they need it!”It angers me to think that so many times I had seen people mocking at a child whose tears flowed for their pets.Who would know if the throne of the Lord shook in Mercy for that child!Upbringing of children in IslamI can still see my own Spiritual Mentor as he so lovingly picked his granddaughter up and glowed with obsession and love. Despite his piety and devotion, his children are not the best of his representatives. They choose to do things quite differently to what he would’ve loved them to do. One day, as always, he was inspired to speak about the exact topic which my mother was honing us down about. She pointed out (with extreme insecurity for our love for him) that he was lacking because his children were not properly following his teachings. He said so appropriately to us that:I have no right to force my opinions on themAll we can do is guide our children, pray for their salvation, and support them through their endeavours.Lecturing them and forcing them is extremely inappropriate, especially at the age we found ourselves, for we were teenagers.Have you not been teaching them what is right and wrong for their entire lives? Now is the time to back off and let them grow and thrive .Do not be critical, ever, when speaking to them. This is because whatever you criticise them about, gets lodged into the subconscious mind. When they will carry out an action in relation to what was said, it will halt their progress.For example, if your parents said again and again, “you stupid child!” or “don’t be so stupid!” or “why can't you do anything right?” etc, when you have a chance to practice your ‘intelligence’, the subconscious mind brings up all relevant information which will be a form of ‘safety’ for you. Those words translates as “I am stupid!” or “I never do anything right” and all your awesomeness is locked away.Motivate them, edge them on, support them, and create a positive environment for themDo not ‘fret’ about them, let them feel responsible and self sufficientIt is not the time where we keep an eagle’s eye upon our daughters, we need to allow them to make their own choices, for they have been given that rightCompare this to the way the society of today treats children, and notice how, with scientific evidence to back up, their pain tends to be trivialised. It has recently been proven that emotions are directly from the heart. Whether the brain is ‘matured’ enough to deal with it or not, no person has the right to downplay your emotionsHis children love him dearly and he is surely their greatest support. He knows that guidance comes from the Almighty and the most enlightened are those who have received good character and love in their “rebellious” moments.Both parties should focus upon their individual responsibilities. A husband should be completely aloof to his rights over his wife, and he should be concerned with fulfilling his responsibilities towards her, and the same goes for the wife. As painful as this sounds, the parent and child should have the exact same focus, where a parent thinks about how to love, care for, nurture, support, and inculcate good habits in the child, and the child should be concerned with obedience. We cannot lecture children only about their responsibilities towards parents, while parents are not taught how to parent!You cannot lecture someone about your selflessness to them. It shows in your actions, words, and energy you give off.In Islam, one is not allowed to give another person “advice” without the consent of the person being advised. This is because you never know what the situation of the person may be.AGE RESTRICTIONS IN ISLAMIn Islam a person is considered a child only until they reach puberty. Once they reach puberty, they are considered adults. It is the time in their life where all their decisions are accounted by the Almighty. The West have come up with the restricting notion that your brain is only truly developed once you reach the end of your teenage years, hence your opinion is ostracised. Although there is most definitely truth in it, that does not mean that their thoughts and opinions are not as palmary as an adults. However, it will all depend upon the way they are spoken to and treated at that age. In war torn areas as well as third world countries where parents are either overly occupied in working tediously for the livelihood of their families, or perhaps have died, the eldest siblings assumes leadership over the family. In such instances a “child” is now in the full fledged role as adult and can manage fairly well.I feel obliged to mention the examples of this nature. The wife of the prophet ( pbuh) , Aaisha(ra) was considered mother of the believers and reigned as most intelligent of all women at the tender age of nine. She led the believers in a battle at the age of in her youth. There were two very distinguished factors to be considered.Her age: she was even younger than the sister who asked the question when she was considered the most intelligent of the women and one of the most intelligent from the men.Her gender: the fact that she was a woman was no halting factor in her success. It actually gave her an upper hand for she had the privilege of spending excessive amounts of time with the Prophet ( may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him)Muhammad bin Qasim led many regions of the Indian subcontinent, and would have led the entire world if he hadn't been killed by his jealous father in law. He was killed at the age of twenty, which is the time when we only begin to taste the freedom of adulthood in today's world.Harun al-Rashid became the fifth caliph (religious and political leader of an Islamic state) of the Abbasid dynasty (ruling family) in September 786 at the age of twenty. During his reign the power and prosperity of the dynasty was at its height. This was his highest rank in his life, but history attests that he began to lead at the tender age of 12 years old.Personally, even though my parents treated me like a child until the time I left the house, my uncle was different. I can still remember myself at the age of ten, as I phoned my uncle several times a month to ask him about aspects of the religion. Even though i was so young, he treated me with respect and honour, and spoke to me like I was worthy of love and attention.What should your next move be?Now that I've spoken so much about the rightful way that you should be treated, how do you react to abusive treatment? I am not fully aware of how serious your situation is, but I can bet it's very similar.Revenge:I remember how I wished to break my mother's ‘beloved’ Noritake dishes right before her eyes. She cared more about her dishes and her house, her money and reputation, than she cared about the delicate hearts of her children. Sometimes I wished I could run away. I planned on keeping a weapon on me because of my intense fear. For reasons of trying to reduce the verbosity of my paragraph, I would like to share something with you as concisely as possible. Once when the Prophet (pbuh) was standing with his Closest companion Abu Bakr (ra), he observed how he was being verbally abused and he remained with him. On the next occasion, Abu Bakr (ra) spoke up to the abusers. The Prophet ( pbuh ) walked away. Abu Bakr asked why. He ( pbuh ) said that when he was silent the angels were responding on his behalf, but when he spoke the angels left his side.After hearing this I knew that every single time my mother or father were being abusive to us, and we were so painfully silenced, the angels were on our side. Whenever we did speak it was considered absolute bigotry, though we only asked a mere form of leeway to be abit freer. We just wanted to feel at home.My heart sometimes wanted revenge. I knew that I would never be taken to task for it, for I was the one being abused. It was like the story of Matilda when she gave her parents sweet little punishments.However, I knew too well that Allah would take revenge for me, as long as I did not do so himself. For once you take revenge, He will back off, and who knows the extent of revenge that a person deserves?After all, your parents don’t know a better form of parenting. As the majority of parents, they think that what they’re doing is correct, and they probably think any other method is corrupted.If you do want them to take optimistic action then:Rebel with your good beliefs and “chuck” the dysfunctional ones through the ‘reality filter’:Think about how painful the rebellion of mind and heart can be! My mother took great pleasure from the fact that I was scared of marriage (the fear she had induced, as a form of narcissism), and when I realised it, I rebelled. I chose never to accept that belief, as well as all the “curses” she placed upon all her children. I began to heal, as an empath. I am working with EFT and tapped out all the limiting painful beliefs and incidents in my life. Although we were considered extremely rebellious to even go to the park, my siblings and I tried as much as we could to get some form of nature into our system. I learnt that my weight gain issue was completely emotional (Google the Gabriel Method) and began to work on my issues to achieve my “dream body”.It drove my mother insane, because as much as she tried to use the words of Allah and His prophet ( may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him ) against me, I knew that she was wrong and abusive. So I began to grow more attached to my Lord and the relationship thrived and was to my advantage. I knew that there was more to IslamHealing and finding yourselfMy mother cut off our excess to wifi, so we had no excess to the outer world whatsoever. She wanted every part of us to be under her complete control. However, we began to use it as an advantage, and although she zapped out all our energy (energy vampire) and left us with the mere necessity to survive, we began to meditate and discover our talents and grow on them. For instance, I am a singer and singing helped me to release negativity and express myself. Drawing and expressing my creativity became a huge theme in our lives. Sometimes we managed to bake what we wanted in the house.Find ways to love yourself and explore your personal abilities. I strongly belief that had it not been for all my pain in that time, I would've never discovered what a strong empath I was.I also saw Islam for what it was rather than linking Islam to their behaviour as i did beforeHow do I live with someone who has hurt me so much?I had learnt that sometimes all you need to do is forgive those who have hurt you, and it heals you as a person. If you are being abused LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.But that was virtually impossible! I had no money and was not allowed to work. All I could do was plead to the Lord of the seven heavens.Rabbi adkhilniy mukhala sidqin. Wa akhrijniy mukhraja sidqin. Waj'alniy min ladunka sultaanan naseera.Translation:Rabbi adkhilniy mudkhala sidqin: Master allow me to enter a place, to enter truthfully - wherever it may be, make sure that i do not let go of the truth and that it remains by my side. Whatever you put me in, make it a place that’s best for me. Place me around people that accept my truth. Keep me truthful to others and make others truthful to me. Surround me with sincerity.wa akhrijniy mukhraja sidqin: and take me out, from wherever that may be, but somewhere that is better for me than the mess that I am currently in.Waj’alniy min ladunka sultanan naseera: And grant me, furnish for me, provide for me somthing that is specially for me and can only come specially from you. Be an aiding authority for me, give me the confidence and EVIDENCE in whatever I do. Give me clarity in my actions.Sheikh Nouman Ali Khan has a beautiful explanation on this duaThe condition for the dua is that we perform our five daily prayers with devotion, recite Quran at the time of dawn (after Fajr Salaah), and try to pray tahajjudwa qul ja’al haqqa wa zahaqal baatil: And say that truth has arrived and evil has left.I started using these words in prayer when I learnt about the beautiful translation.Rebel with equipping yourself with skills and education as best as you possibly canAn intelligent, educated woman is an asset to the Muslim community, and is extremely honoured and revered in IslamI suggest that you listen to scholars who inspire, motivate and instil love in your heart for the deen, such as Moulana Tariq Jamil (db), Sheikh Nouman Ali Khan, Sheikh Umar Sulaiman, and others who give off a positive vibe. I personally try my best to avoid scholars who have the “i need to fix you all up” kinda mentality.Conducting future relationshipsNow I keep a healthy energetic distance with my parents. They deserve my utmost respect and duty, but not my heart and soul. As an empath, I have a boundary with them (though never voiced of course) that says:I know you well. Keep your distanceThis is a TEST from the Almighty to see if you will turn to him in the end, for he will never test you with something which you cannot bear.I pray that you are granted the gift of patience and gratitude, and that you are freed and found in the Love of The Most Merciful. I pray that however extreme your situation is, it is made easy for you, and that no matter what, you never lose sight of your goal in life: to find your LordIf you have any more questions, please do feel free to contact mekeep well and keep me in your prayersMaassalaam

If you are looking for the history of a specific vehicle - than there are no free sites. Nobody is going to collect all that data - 20,000 sources for Carfax, pay for all the computers to run the site and all the employees to run the computers - and give it away for free.The freebies provided are purely adequate to tell you you will could purchase the completed record on the vehicle. If you need a complete VIN Check money will have to be paid.Assigned by automakers, a vehicle identification number (VIN) is a combination of 17 characters (numbers and letters) assigned to a car or truck during production. Like a Social Security number for your car, a vehicle's VIN number provides important information, such as the location of its original build and the type of engine. As of 1981 all vehicles have a VIN with 17 characters.A VIN can normally be found:Beneath the windshield on the driver's side of the vehicle.In the engine bay on the firewall.On a sticker or metal plate on the driver's side doorjamb.If you are still unable to locate your VIN number, there are other locations on the interior and exterior of a vehicle that you should be able to locate.Breaking Down a VINEach of a VIN's 17 characters designates unique information about your vehicle. Here's what the numbers and letters will tell you:Understanding a VIN Check's ValueAside from revealing basic information such as the make and model of a vehicle, a VIN lookup is helpful for a couple different reasons and scenarios:A vehicle identification number check is commonly used by law enforcement to identify vehicle theft or fraud.For consumers, a VIN check helps reveal additional information on a vehicle's history when you're shopping for a used car.This is also referred to as a vehicle history report.Ordering a vehicle history report will provide information concerning:The number of owners a vehicle has had.Odometer readings and rollback alerts.Liens placed on a vehicle.Title and accident history, such as flooded or salvaged titles.“Lemon" determination.This information found on a VIN number lookup can be used to determine if you a purchasing vehicle from an honest seller and if a used car is worth the listing price.How to Avoid VIN FraudOne way that dishonest or unethical sellers can get around information provided by a VIN check or VIN lookup is to alter a vehicle's VIN number. The most common method is through VIN cloning, which involves taking license plates or VIN numbers from registered vehicles and placing them on stolen property. The stolen VINs can be used to change or forge title documents and alter the car's actual history before sale.Fortunately, there are measures you can take to avoid fraud or other scams. These include:Buying from a dealership with a good reputation.Searching used car listings that:Have buy-back guarantees.List only pre-checked vehicles.Checking the VINs on the car to make sure each number matches the vehicle title.Making sure to examine each VIN carefully for signs of tampering.Getting a vehicle history report, which provides clone alerts for suspect vehicles.Whether you're buying a used vehicle for yourself or a loved one, a vehicle history report is a valuable way to peer into your potential automobile's past and prevent the purchase of an unsafe or unsavory vehicle.If you're not familiar with the term, a vehicle history report, also known as a VIN check or VIN lookup, is a summary of valuable details that include:Title information.Accident history.Fire or flood damage.Other potential hidden problems.By using your the unique vehicle identification number (VIN) associated with that automobile, you can access vital car history details on a VIN number lookup.How VIN Check Information Is CollectedVehicle history reports are a compilation of public- and private-record information. VIN lookup vendors access data from a number of sources, including:State motor vehicle title agencies.Car manufacturers.Repair shops.Junk or salvage yards.Auto recyclers.Insurance companies.The bulk of information collected by VIN check vendors typically comes directly from the National Motor Vehicle Title Information System (NMVTIS) operated by the U.S. Department of Justice. The businesses and organizations mentioned above report their information to the NMVTIS.Details on a VIN Lookup[1]You can expect NMVTIS-approved VIN number lookup to include the following:Title information, including:Current state of title/registration.Previous title history.This information sheds light on a car's ownership and protects consumers from purchasing a stolen vehicle.Odometer reading.This helps prevent fraud and protects customers from buying a car for more than it's actually worth.Brand history.These descriptive labels relate to the status of a car (i.e. junk, salvage, flood damaged, etc.) and are applied by state motor vehicle titling agencies.Total loss historyThis term is usually given to a car after severe damage. Knowing the total loss history can protect you from a vehicle that may be unsafe.Salvage history.This indicates the car was repaired after severe damage, which can also prevent the purchase of a potentially unsafe vehicle.While the NMVTIS reports are thorough, a more detailed car history report from another vendor may include:Vehicle repair and maintenance history.Open recalls.Information on multiple owners.The Cost of a VIN CheckIt's important to keep in mind that VIN number checks are not issued by any government agency, so they can range in both price and details.Some VIN lookup vendors offer basic information on free VIN checks, or free vehicle history reports, that could be useful before you dive deep into the specifics of your potential vehicle—such as a free “lemon" check to find out if there were any manufacturer buybacks or lemon records on the car.For recalls, lemon information, and other broad car history details about a particular make or model, you can always search online or check car manufacturers' websites.Initiated by an automaker or required by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), a recall is issued when a vehicle:Is found to have a safety-related defect.ORDoesn't meet federal safety standards any longer.When a recall occurs, it will be associated with the vehicle identification numbers (VINs) of all affected registered vehicles. You can use your VIN to find out whether your car or other vehicle falls under the recall, and what your next steps are to have the problem repaired.VIN Recall InformationWhile most registered car owners will receive recall information by mail, this may not always be the case. If you hear a report of a recall for your vehicle's make and model, you should be proactive and run a VIN search.By running a VIN search on your vehicle, you will be made aware of:Current recalls issued for your vehicle.All safety recalls for your vehicle over the past 15 years.Any recalls that are incomplete.Note that a VIN search may NOT include information for your car such as:Non-safety related recalls.Recalls on international vehicles.Recently announced recalls.Recalls older than 15 years.Running a VIN SearchWhether you want more information regarding a recent vehicle recall, or you just want to check if a recall on your car exists, conducting a VIN search will get you up to date. The NHTSA provides a VIN lookup service to help you find relevant recall information.Other options to search recall information with your VIN include:Visiting your manufacturer's website.Get the NHTSA mobile app with the recall VIN alert.Sign up for NHTSA e-mail alerts.Obtain a vehicle history report (VHR) on your vehicle or a vehicle you're interested in purchasing.Getting Your Vehicle RepairedAny dealership that sells your vehicle make and model can make necessary repairs due to a recall. Be sure to call the dealership ahead of time and have your VIN number ready. You should not be charged for any repairs made because of a safety recall.Be prepared to wait. It may take several weeks to receive the parts needed for your vehicle's maintenance, due to the volume of other drivers getting the same repairs.Footnotes[1] What a VIN Check Reveals | Online VIN Lookup | DMV.ORGThere are quite a few reasonably-priced options when it comes to vehicle history reports. These include VinAudit - Official Site, and VinCheck Pro to name a few.FreeA free report can be obtained from the National Insurance Crime Bureau. However, I’d only recommend using this resource to determine if the car you’re interested in has been stolen or salvaged. It definitely doesn’t give the complete history but it’s a good starting point and a reliable free resource.Another free governmental resource is the National Motor Vehicle Title Information System (NMVTIS). The NMVTIS is run by the Federal Department of Justice and contains title information from all insurance carriers, auto recyclers, junkyards, and salvage yards in the US. Rather than a vehicle history report, the NMVTIS website provides a list of certified third-party companies that provide free and inexpensive vehicle history reports.VinCheckThe best free vehicle history report can be obtained from VinCheck(full disclosure, I work for the company). We’re new to the vehicle history industry and pride ourselves on offering the most comprehensive free VIN report for almost any car, truck, or motorcycle in the US. Like many of our paid competitors, we use the NMVTIS as well as information from countless Law Enforcement Agencies, junkyards, insurance companies, salvage yards, and more to build our comprehensive reports.A typical report will include everything you need to know about your prospective vehicle, such as:Basic info: year, make, model, mileage, etc.Odometer RecordsPrevious Vehicle Uses and IncidentsJunk / Salvage / Insurance RecordsTheft RecordsLien / Impound / Export RecordsSalvage Auction RecordsSales RecordsAccident RecordsTitle Records (including information on flood, fire, and hail damage, etc.)While CarFax and other competitors offer reports for a substantial cost, VinCheck’s reports are 100% free and unlimited. Buying a car is already expensive enough, so why spend more than you need to on a quality VIN report.Additional StepsIt’s important to note that no vehicle history report is completely comprehensive (not even the most expensive options). Running a VIN check is a vital step in the purchasing process along with a test drive and a vehicle inspection. For example, if repair work from an accident has been self-financed rather than run through insurance, it will likely not show on a VIN report. The best way to get a comprehensive view of the state of your prospective vehicle is to use both a VIN reporting service, as well as hiring an independent mechanic to examine it before you purchase the car.When shopping for your next vehicle, you naturally want to discover everything you can about its history. While the dealership or individual in possession of the car or truck you're considering can provide much of the information you need, such as what type of maintenance or repairs have been done throughout the years, you can't be completely assured of the accuracy of what they provide. Also, in the case of a vehicle with multiple previous owners, the last person to drive it may not even be able to answer all of the questions you have.This doesn't mean you should simply accept limited information at face value or give up on discovering any unknowns about your potential purchase. The Vehicle Identification Number (VIN) of that car or truck is the key to unlocking a wealth of information from police reports to specifications. While it's true that many investigative searches by the VIN come with a price tag attached, you may be surprised at how much you can discover absolutely free.Part 1 of 5: How to read a VINPart of the reason the VIN can reveal so much information about a vehicle is because it’s the unique identifier of that particular car or truck. This ensures there is no mistake that what the number reveals applies solely to that vehicle and no other.What a lot of people don't realize, however, is that the number itself is quite revealing about specific details. Each number and letter of the VIN corresponds to a particular piece of information that may be helpful in making a purchase decision.The types of data on the VIN include where the vehicle was built and assembled, its model year, and the size of its engine. Refer to the chart below for a detailed breakdown of what each of a VIN's parts means.There are four main ways you can get a free VIN check, and each method targets a slightly different kind of information. Consequently, we suggest you use all four instead of a single means. You can make the best purchasing decisions when armed with the most knowledge about the vehicle you're interesting in buying.Ask the dealer or individual owner to write down the VIN on a piece of paper and conduct your research online before making any commitments. Don't let anyone pressure you into a purchase before you’re ready because there are plenty of other vehicles on the market. Take the time you need to feel sure about such a major decision, and don't hesitate to contact one of our technicians for advice.Part 2 of 5: Get Informed on vehicle specificationsRemember how every number and letter on the VIN corresponds with a particular piece of background about that vehicle? Since you can't be expected to remember what every little bit means, there is a free website that breaks all of that information down for you.Step 1: Go to the Vin Checker website in your browser.Step 2: Fill out the necessary information. Enter the VIN number of the vehicle you are researching and your zip code into the designated text boxes.Step 3: Review the report. Push the “Check Your VIN” button to reveal the vehicle's specifications, including fuel efficiency, NHTSA, and IIHS crash test ratings. Although there will be an option to purchase a more detailed report, the information you gain from this free search can be quite useful in making a purchase decision.Part 3 of 5: Ensure the title is free and clearThe last thing you want to do is get involved in purchasing stolen property or the complicated title history of a vehicle, especially when there is no shortage of cars and trucks with clean titles for sale. That's why it’s a good idea to rule out any chance that your potential purchase is less than on the up-and-up.Step 1: Visit the National Insurance Crime Bureau (NICB) website. The National Insurance Crime (NICB) is a non-profit organization committed to combating insurance fraud and related crime. It partners with various law enforcement agencies and casualty insurance companies to achieve this purpose.Step 2: Use VINCheck on the vehicle. Select the VINCheck option under the Theft and Fraud Awareness menu.Step 3: Examine the vehicle's report. Enter the VIN, check the box to agree to the NICB's terms of use, and enter the displayed verification code, then push the Search button. This reveals if the vehicle in question has a current theft report or outstanding title brand.Warning: The NICB does not reveal if there is an outstanding lien, but you can check for that information with your local Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV).Part 4 of 5: Make sure the vehicle isn’t part of a recallFew people consider the possibility that the vehicle that has caught their eye may have had a serious issue that resulted in a safety recall from the manufacturer. While most issues that merit a recall are quickly located and fixed, a few vehicles slip under the radar due to the changing of hands or locations.If you're like most people, you probably think a vehicle identification number (VIN) is just a series of random characters. Actually, each characters in this highly structured code has its own meaning. In fact, deciphering these codes is a hobby for some car enthusiasts, including collectors who want to own one of the first or last cars to come off an assembly line.When you're considering purchasing a pre-owned vehicle, it's always a good idea to obtain a vehicle history report (VHR) or VIN check. Knowing how to read the VIN could help you make an informed decision before you buy.Decoding a Sample VINThe infographic below provides a simplified look at a sample VIN. Keep in mind that vehicles manufactured before 1981 might have fewer characters than today's standard VIN of 17 charactersModel Year & Country CodesModel Year Character CodesAs shown above, the 10th character of the VIN indicates its model year.A: 1980 or 2010B: 1981 or 2011C: 1982 or 2012D: 1983 or 2013E: 1984 or 2014F: 1985 or 2015G: 1986 or 2016H: 1987 or 2017J: 1988K: 1989L: 1990M: 1991N: 1992P: 1993R: 1994S: 1995T: 1996V: 1997W: 1998X: 1999Y: 20001: 20012: 20023: 20034: 20045: 20056: 20067: 20078: 20089: 2009Country of Origin Character CodesThe 1st character in a car's vehicle identification number indicates the country in which it was manufactured.Some of the country codes include:1, 4, 5: United States2: Canada3A-37: MexicoJ: JapanVF-VR: France9: BrazilWA-W0: West GermanyS: Great BritainOk. That's all and good luck to you!A completely fee VIN check report lists title changes, theft and now flood damage on a used car. This is helpful in deciding whether or not to purchase a car. It is really free, and there is no credit card require. It is helpful in doing an initial screen on any used car, before you purchase a used car history report.I recommend you this site VIN Check or VinLOOKUP that is a good alternative to Carfax, and is one of the best sites to get a complete and detailed vehicle history report online.The information comes from a database that is collated by the NICB. The information in this database comes from insurance companies who report thefts, flood damage and other claims that relate to the information in your final reportThe decoder will usually tell you the make, model, year, type of restraint system, body style, engine and the assembly plant. This information is useful, as it provides important information about the vehicle. As an example, the seller might tell you that it's a 2004 Ford Taurus. But the VIN check might tell you that it is in fact a 2003 model. So you'll know right away that this is not a deal you should proceed with, as the seller is not being truthful about the vehicle. If they are not being honest about the model itself, you can bet they won't be revealing any hidden problems.So the free vehicle history report (VinLOOKUP) is in essence the free decoding of the VIN to tell you exactly what type of car you are considering. If you want to find out more information, as most buyers do, such as hidden mechanical issues, odometer problems, mileage, fire damage, etc. then you need to order a complete report.Carfax alternatives are useful tools for anyone in the business of buying a car; they give you history reports including other reports which help ensure that you are getting value for the amount of money you have to spend. This service ensures that you do not get a sour deal as you can know everything about your vehicle up front. The services are free excepting if you require a more detailed report or you are not buying from a car dealership.Where to find the VIN:A VIN decoder report from VIN Check Pro provides an entire database of information regarding your prospective car from government sources, including the National Motor Vehicle Title Information System, state DMV, police records, and more than 40 million junk, salvage, and insurance records, including:Accident history recordsJunk, salvage, and total loss titlesStructural damage historyAny commercial taxi useOwnership and lease historyAny police use or recordsTheft history checkVehicle specificationsMore than 60 vehicle problem categoriesEnvironmental friendliness scoreOdometer estimatesRecallsSafety ratingsAccurate and More AffordableWhile Carfax reports are $39.99 for one report or $59.99 for five reports, VIN Check Pro is a much more affordable and accurate option at only $9.95 for one report and $15.95 for five reports.If you need a VIN lookup, VIN Check Pro is a smart stop in your research and for your pocketbook. Click here to visit the official website.While everyone else lists all these other services I’ll just cut to the chase for you- You cant be guaranteed youll ever know a cars history. The most sure fire method for me to date is to physically inspect the vehicle yourself (If you are a professional) or hire a professional. You will know more about the vehicle after that inspection than from any history report.Remember this key differentiation: A history report shows you whats been reported, an inspector tells you what they find. Carfax doesn’t look for anything, they just pump out what comes in.Google for local vehicle inspectors before you buy anything used. You WILL spend more, but you will get the truth about the vehicle as it is today which could actually save you much much more in the end.I will be writing more on the car buying process at Autohitch shortly. Oddly as big of a problem as this is much of the content on it is outdated and the stuff that isnt is skewed by people hitting you with a contact form.According to my understanding, CarFax and similar services rely on information provided to them by third parties including insurance companies, service, and repair shop, etc. However, neither CarFax nor any similar service can guarantee the completeness of their databases for many reasons, including:• accidents handled without insurance,• deliberate distortion of data on the part of the owner/sellerI believe that this is not the fault of CarFax, other similar companies or data providers but an inevitable drawback of any reporting system which can be manipulated on the part of people submitting the reports.Thus my idea is to use CarFax report as a useful tool to have a preliminary outline on a vehicle as a part of your due diligence -especially to get the information on number of previous owners, liens, flood-damage, etc. and other major issues - but in no case I would rely on it (or any of its competitors) as a single source of information.For the moment I am not aware that any other companies are in any respect better than CarFax or provide more comprehensive reports so I can not answer directly to your question.If by public, you mean free, then no. Experian owns a competitor to Carfax called Autocheck. The auto finance company where I work uses both Carfax and Autocheck. As others have mentioned, if you want basic information like whether or not a title is branded as salvage or flood damaged, then there are free sites provided by the government. Experian and Autocheck, on the other hand, are database aggregators. They compile their information from several sources including DMVs, insurance companies, police agencies, and even repair shops. You're not going to find anyone doing what they do, for free; which is why auto dealers and finance companies subscribe to their services.If its India you can take the car owner and go to the nearest authorized service station of that model.They have online records of all their cars. At least the service histories from day 1.If this is not available, then the car is a stolen one.This report is critical as it shows what the service engineer has recommended to be done on that car. Example, replace brake shoes. Then look at the work done receipt. (same place). If the brake shoes are not replaced within 2 services, then the car has been badly maintained.Obviously a true car enthusiast will not have anything to do with service stations. He will get it serviced and repaired independently. This is good. As long as he can produce all bills and receipts of the preceding years.You don’t want to buy a used car without checking out its history, which can let you know if it’s been in an accident or suffered major damage. Often, the vehicle history report can even give you important clues about how well it was maintained. I once made the mistake of forgoing a vehicle history when buying a cheap truck from a neighbor and wound up with a rebuilt rust bucket that ran for just 3000 miles before dying.CarFax is the gold standard for vehicle history reports, and while almost every dealership will give you a copy for free, it can get expensive if you have to pay for the reports—as much as $39.99 each! (You can also buy three reports for $79.99 or five for $99.99.) That’s money well spent before making a big investment, but it’s a lot to pay if you’re just trying to weed out bad cars before you waste much time with them. Experian’s AutoCheck is significantly cheaper than CarFax at $24.99 for a single report or $49.99 for 25 reports, but Edmunds reports that CarFax is worth the extra money.I recently replaced our SUV, and I found a few free vehicle history tools that saved me a small fortune in CarFax fees by letting me eliminate lemons before I got too far into the process. There are a lot of scammy Web sites that claim to help with car buying, but here are three that are legitimate and useful.Free Vehicle History ServicesFirst, to use any of these services, you must know the car’s vehicle identification number (VIN). Unfortunately, there is no single standard for this, but in the United States, it’s a 17-digit number found on the driver-side dash near the windshield. Auto dealers should provide the VIN in the vehicle’s online listing (and offer a free CarFax or AutoCheck report as well). If a private listing doesn’t feature the VIN, ask the seller.I’ll start with the most basic: the National Insurance Crime Bureau’s free VINCheck, which is limited to telling you if the vehicle is stolen or has a salvage title, which implies that it was in an accident so severe that it’s not worth repairing. Simply enter the VIN to receive the simple report.A more full-featured vehicle report comes from iSeeCars, which focuses on pricing information—enter the VIN, and it’ll figure out the make, model, and year. At the top of the report, it shows the estimated market value of the car and how long vehicles like it take to sell. Scroll down to see comparisons with similar vehicles for sale, depreciation, and even the best times to buy.My favorite of these free services is Vehicle History because it’s the most like CarFax and AutoCheck. You have to click through a few screens before receiving results, but the results are quite detailed. For instance, Vehicle History was able to tell me that a minivan I was looking at had been in a minor accident. I didn’t end up buying that minivan, but the report helped me lower the price (not enough, though).However, after comparing Vehicle History’s reports to those produced by CarFax, I’ve found that Vehicle History’s reports have a lot of gaps. For instance, the above report doesn’t include buyer history, which I’ve found to be valuable. As much as Vehicle History’s reports are useful for weeding out obvious lemons, you’ll want to use CarFax for cars that pass these early tests.How to Shop for Used Cars OnlineIf you or someone you know needs to buy a used car, here’s my suggested workflow for sorting them out online:Pick a handful of models in the category that you want. I wanted a reliable family hauler, so I winnowed my search down to a handful of models: the Honda Odyssey and Toyota Sienna minivans and the Honda Pilot and Toyota Highlander SUVs. There’s nothing wrong with being particular, but the more flexible you are, the more likely that you’ll find a good deal.Search for vehicles on Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, and Cars.com. We ended up finding our car through a Facebook group—most areas have local trading groups on Facebook, which can be a great resource.Gather a number of potential vehicles. An orderly approach would involve a spreadsheet or an app like DEVONthink, but I’ll confess to just having a browser window full of tabs.Look over the pictures and details carefully, and eliminate any that seem substandard. When you look at a bunch at a time, you get a good feel for the market prices in your area, but you can always check Kelley Blue Book if you’re unsure.Once you narrow your list of candidates, it’s time to start looking at vehicle histories. I usually start with Vehicle History, and if that all looks good, I’ll look at VINCheck to make sure it’s not stolen, and then iSeeCars to see how well it’s priced.Finally, it’s time to move on to CarFax.When to pay for a CarFax report is a tricky question. If the car is being sold by a dealer that offers a free CarFax or AutoCheck report on their Web site, I’ll look at that at the same time as the others. Private sellers often don’t offer such amenities, so you have to choose whether to pay for a report before or after you take a test drive. I prefer to hold off until after, because I want time to mull it over anyway, and I often find deal-breakers when I inspect a car in person that no amount of Internet research could reveal, like damaged upholstery, bad smells, and rust.Doing this, I found that one report can often reveal something not shown in others, so it’s worth checking all of them before you take the plunge.What to Look For in Vehicle History ReportsI’m not a mechanic, nor do I play one on TV, and there are no hard and fast rules here, but here are a few things I always look for in these reports:Accidents, obviously. An accident won’t necessarily be a deal-killer, but it’s definitely a negotiating tool.Salvage or rebuilt titles (a rebuilt title denotes a car that was totaled and then repaired). I avoid both, but some people swear by salvage title cars.Number of previous owners. Some people will tell you to pass on any car with more than two owners. I tend to focus instead on the length of ownership. If the car has had four owners, and the last two each owned it for less than a year, that’s a sign that there’s something seriously wrong with the car.Cross-country moves. In the north, older cars tend to have rust problems, but in hotter southern parts of the country, rubber gaskets and seals may have dried out. Neither is necessarily an issue, but both are worth checking if the car has moved from a different part of the country.Tred suggests a few more things to look for, but you shouldn’t be overly reliant on any vehicle history report, since they don’t reveal all the problems that an experienced mechanic can spot.Finishing Your Research in the Real WorldAfter checking the vehicle’s history, you’re ready for a test drive and, ideally, some mechanical advice. Automotive Web sites will always tell you to pay for a mechanic’s inspection. That’s good advice, but not always possible, especially if you found a particularly good deal that people will be fighting over. I used to write for an automotive Web site and would advise people to walk away from such high-pressure situations, but if I’d followed my own advice, I wouldn’t have been able to buy our most recent car.Regardless, one of the smartest moves you can make is developing a good relationship with a mechanic in advance so you can get their advice or have them inspect the car before purchase. I’m lucky enough to know three, and when we were looking at the car we finally bought, they all told me to go buy it before someone else snapped it up. That turned out to be good advice because by the time we got to the dealership another family was trying to buy the car out from under us.Finally, the most important step is test-driving the car. I could talk a lot more about that, and many already have, so I’ll leave it to them (Scotty Kilmer is always fun to watch). I’ll say this much: you want to test every feature of the car, drive it at highway speed, check under the car before and after for leaks (understand that the air conditioner drains water under the car—that probably isn’t a leak), and check for major rust. You don’t usually have to be a trained mechanic to tell if a car is a lemon. But keep in mind that every used car comes with a set of trade-offs, and you need to be honest with yourself about what you’re willing to put up with. And never forget that entropy is real. There will always be some existing problems—our car needed new dome lights, a cabin filter, floor mats, and some headrests—but there are almost always more expenditures around the corner.Thanks to this process, we skipped a lot of potential headaches and wound up with a reasonably priced Honda Pilot with a single owner and a thorough service history. I quickly fixed all the minor problems, and we’ve had several thousand trouble-free miles since.Thanks