Insurance application life events and salary increase

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If an able-bodied, neurotypical adult is still living at home with their parents, who do you blame? The parents or their child?

My sister-in-law Steph is a young millennial homeowner with a Master’s degree and no mortgage or student debt. I think that both she and her parents deserve credit for the arrangement that had her living with them until she was financially ready to be on her own.Steph isn’t lazy or irresponsible like the stereotypical adult living at home. She worked part time as a teacher until she graduated and took a full time job at the same school, she works out (she uses our pool more than I do!), and she did more than her fair share of work around the house. I’ve been teaching her to bake and expand her cooking repertoire, and she has been cooking and baking for her retired parents several times a week. They are obviously very excited for her to move into her own place, and they aren’t worried as she built her house across from ours, but they are already regretting that they won’t have her cooking anymore.Are there some lazy and irresponsible people who stay with their parents because they cannot be bothered to take care of themselves? Yes, but that’s not what is going on most of the time. You may look at an adult child and see an able bodied person, but there could be a thousand reasons why they live at home. Perhaps their parents need the assistance or the child experienced a trauma or difficult life event? Maybe they studied hard in school and were unable to find suitable employment? Their student loans could be draining them, or they could simply have taken advantage of an opportunity to save up money.I own rental properties, so I am well aware of the cost of housing today. I personally review the applications of all likely tenants for final approval, and one of the things I look at are the applicant’s finances. I need tenants who can afford their rent so I review the credit report and proof of income, and what I usually see with applicants under the age of 35 is that they are either overextended with necessary expenses or barely able to qualify. My units are pricier than most of comparable size because of the amenities and quality so I don’t even get any applicants who aren’t already making more money than most people. Most of my tenants are young to middle aged professionals who want a nice home but are unable to buy, so I see how even those who are best situated can barely afford decent apartments.I have looked into it, and if you want a one bedroom apartment that isn’t in the slums you’ll pay no less of $850 – and that is extremely cheap compared to most areas. That won’t include utilities, so if you’re also paying for electricity, health, car, renters insurance, a very modest car note and a minimal amount of gas, you need $2,000 a month. This won’t cover any expenses outside of your regular bills, and it leaves you no room for car repairs or other unforeseen expenses. That would mean that you needed to bring home $3,000, and you’d be in dangerous territory until you had saved up about $10,000 for emergencies. Putting aside $200 each month, it would take you a little more than four years to build up your emergency reserves.But you have student loans eating up your income, and you ought to be saving up for retirement too. You also want to be able to spend enough money to build up your credit so that you can eventually get a mortgage. If you have significant student loans and you don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck or without a safety net, you need to make $60,000 a year. You need less if you don’t have any student debts, but then that would usually mean that you’re making only half of that. The reality is that wages have not kept up with the cost of living, and that the cost of education and housing has increased pretty dramatically, so at this point it’s become extremely difficult for young people to be both financially independent and stable.My husband and I are incredibly fortunate to be financially secure at a young age, but we did go years without spending a penny more than we absolutely had to. We could have lived with his parents (or my dad, but then we’d have needed to move to Europe). Had we done that we could have started his business years earlier and still had enough money at the time to go out and have fun, occasionally. Steph could have taken her salary and the profit shares she receives and rented an apartment when she started college, but then she wouldn’t be debt free and moving into a brand new 4 bedroom/3 1/2 bath.

Has your boss ever shown up at your front door?

(Answer edited with more information Sept 2020)Yes, once.A little history here - back in 2011, two of my colleagues and I decided to leave the sinking ship that was our former employer; officially, as stated in our exit interviews, it was because our teams clients (we were a bespoke service for large corporate private medical claims) had been ring-fenced so the future of our role was tenuous to say the least. Without actually looking, we were contacted by a recruiter who knew the changes being made by our former employer, and we were lucky enough to be picked to start up a team launching a brand new product for what was at that time a very small company.This was a huge gamble for us despite the situation with our former employer, to leave a relatively secure job for a start up company we knew little about. Our decision was spurred on mainly due to the fact that our former manager was bullying me and another person on our small team in a well covered but very nasty manner, and despite my careful detailing of the incidents in a diary and email printout evidence on behalf of myself and the staff member too scared to speak up herself, the company effectively closed ranks and ignored my allegations. Not particularly relevant, but if anyone's curious, the bullying manager was fired less than a year later due to the slew of bullying/harassment claims made against her from the 8 people they'd hired to replace my friends and I - without us there the rest of the ‘old’ team left quickly, but the manager obviously felt she was bulletproof since my allegations caused no consequences for her and was either stupid or just inherently cruel enough to continue her bullying with new victims. Thankfully, my actions DID end up helping others even though I don't know the individuals involved, I'm thankful that what was a very difficult and frustrating outcome for me spared others having to go through the same. I heard from another person who left my former employer for my current one that the reason the manager was fired was because HR could no longer ignore the claims made against her. The area of the UK I live in hosts the majority of jobs in this particular industry, and it's no secret that the former manager is blacklisted amongst other future employers. Apologies for the digression, but it does explain somewhat how much it meant to me having a new boss after the awful experience with the former one.So, other than my best friend and I, only one person was recruited for that team at our new company before us, our manager, let's call her Anna. She was and is an incredible manager, a very inspiring person and a wonderful friend. We all formed a great bond in those early months particularly, the level of work gradually increased so that we went from having so little work that we were assisting other departments with basic tasks, making umpteen cups of tea and coffee, cleaning out stationery cupboards etc, to having to put in 12hr days and Saturday overtime to cope whilst new staff were trained. It was a stressful, but incredibly exciting few years, and very gratifying to see our hard work pay off and our company as a whole make an impressive name for itself in the industry - the gamble had paid off beyond anything we could have imagined!In early 2018I had an attempted gallbladder removal which failed but left me with a severe infection causing cellulitis in both my legs. I was off work for months, the infection caused my legs to swell to about 4x their size and constantly leak fluid. Without going into graphic detail (I have some horrific photos from that time!) the skin on my legs degraded to the point where there was no longer any actual skin below my knees. I did receive home nursing care throughout this by the way.One morning I went to the bathroom, walking was a huge struggle and I used a stick. I fell and was trapped with the stick tangled up with my legs, and no strength to get up. Luckily I had my phone in my dressing gown pocket and called for an ambulance and then for my best friend (one of the colleagues who moved to the new company with me) as she had a key to my flat. Unfortunately the communal entrance door was locked and my vile, drug dealing ex neighbours upstairs saw the blue flashing lights from the ambulance and wouldn't answer the door thinking it was the police. My friend was frantic, trying to get builders down the street to break the door in, shouting for the neighbours to open up, meanwhile I had passed out. I was there for 3 hours before the fire brigade managed to climb in through my first floor window and let the paramedics in. I was delirious by that point but as they brought me out my boss was there, having sent my distraught friend home, and she reassured me that she would contact my family who live abroad.I spent about 6 weeks in hospital, I was in a coma, suffered double pneumonia, multiple organ failure and sepsis and several times was not expected to survive the night. My boss visited me regularly on her lunch breaks even when I was unconscious and after the coma when I couldn't communicate verbally but only write.I did return to work briefly about 6 months after the accident but as I have been left with a brain injury causing partial paralysis and epilepsy I currently am unable to work. She still meets with me regularly to keep me updated on developments on our team (now grown from 3 people to over 100!) and has reassured me that my job as a senior member of staff is still there for me when I'm able to return even if it's part time. I couldn't ask for a better, more supportive boss, in fact the company itself has been incredible, they are still paying me 2 years after the event, still paying my pension, share scheme and for my private medical insurance.I'm currently waiting to be rehoused by my local council in an adapted property. Once I am my employer has already made preparations for me to work from home and visit the office as much or as little as I want. I appreciate very much how lucky I am to work for such a genuinely caring company and that has only made me more loyal to them. I am desperate to get back to work and start repaying some of the incredible kindness they have shown me.Edit: I originally put this in a response to a comment but thought it would be appropriate to add it to my main post and with a slight expansion.Since writing my initial post I have completed the ridiculously complicated and unnecessarily difficult process of being assessed by the DWP (Department of Work and Pensions) in order to receive income support whilst I am unable to work. Due to the particular situation I am in I am in the somewhat unusual position of actually receiving about 30% more ‘take home pay’ than I would if I returned to work in the same position I previously held. Despite this, largely because my employer is so good and I genuinely love my job, I am anxious to return to work as soon as possible. To me, my quality of life will be better working, being productive and able to socialise with my colleagues, even if it is mostly working from home and part time at that.The alternative is doing nothing but stay at home. I still fill my days with reading, learning, writing, finding new hobbies etc., but I can see how easy it would be for someone in my position to just stagnate in front of the TV all day and become a shut in. I survived for a reason so I'm certainly not going to let that happen!If anyone cares about the numbers side of it, here's a brief explanation of how the (ever changing!) benefits system currently works in the UK.Universal Credit (UC) is based on your age and relationship status. As a single woman aged between 25 - 64 with no children I am entitled to £317 basic UC, £336 Limited capability for work and work related activities, and £535 housing costs per month.Personal Independence Payment (PIP) is comprised of 2 components, Daily Living and Mobility, each paying either a standard or enhanced rate if you qualify for either. This benefit is notoriously difficult to get and a huge percentage of people have to appeal decisions, 73% of appeals go on to be successful! After my successful appeal I receive the standard daily living rate and enhanced mobility rate which equates to £519.56 a month. Receiving the enhanced mobility rate also entitles me to access the motability scheme where a portion of your PIP (no more than £61.20 a week) can be sacrificed to lease a brand new car for 3 years, inclusive of tax, insurance for up to 3 drivers and maintenance. I can't yet take advantage of this as my epilepsy isn't sufficiently controlled but by June I am looking forward to having the freedom to get out!So if I didn't return to work I'd receive £1709.53 (I'd left off some penny amounts earlier if anyone's checking my maths!)In work full time I was taking home after tax, student loan repayments, national insurance and salary sacrifice for pension and the tax - not capital - on my company private medical insurance ~£1,450. On that wage I had to also pay my rent of £600 pcm, utilities, living costs etc and council tax of £1176 in 10 installments a year.Now I am exempt from council tax and I need to move to an adapted property, this isn't something I can do privately as you can't modify a rented home, so I'm on the housing register. The average rent is around £240 pcm, so I'll be saving a massive amount.Until I can legally drive again I can use my PIP to pay around £12 a week for a mobility scooter, but as I also have a free bus pass I would rather wait until I can get a car since I want to be able to transport my dog, do shopping, travel outside of my local area if needed.There are many flaws in the system and a lot of people would think that I am lucky to receive so much in benefits when most struggle on them, but the reason my allowances are higher than normal is because of my disabilities and the chronic pain and fatigue caused. As I said earlier I will be returning to work God willing, and whilst my UC will be affected I won't lose the other benefits. The affect on UC is that for every £1 I earn I lose 60p of UC, so I'll never actually be losing money.Yet another thing I have to be very grateful for as a UK citizen. The application and assessment process is stringent and very flawed - there are articles in the news daily about corrupt assessors and a system designed to make it as difficult as possible to claim, it's taken me around 8 months from my application to being awarded the entitlements I've listed which entailed filling in multiple forms and attending 5 face to face interviews along with submitting all my medical records for the last 2 years. I'm glad it's done now (for another 3 years anyway) but I'm also very grateful that our welfare system will provide assistance when its needed.Update September 2020: I'm now back at work part time!! I am so very happy about this, as you can imagine I am working from home and this is going to be the case for the foreseeable future, regardless of the COVID situation. As I am considered ‘highly vulnerable’ due to my medical history I have been, and will remain, in isolation for at least the next 6 months as the UK enters its second lockdown. I'm very sad that I've not been able to see my mum for over a year now, but the good news with my new arrangement for home working means that by using a VPN I can work anywhere, even abroad, without a problem. I am very much hoping that once life has returned to some form of normality I will be less restricted than before with trips to visit family abroad given that I wouldn't have to take time off work in order to do it!ANOTHER UPDATE: DEC 2020: Well, despite the utter shitshow this year has turned out to be, I'm now on my new 14 hours a week contract and whilst waiting for arrangements to be made for me to complete my FCA mandated 50 hours of annual training as well as the necessary medical retraining and department specific exams I'm beginning to work through the 40k odd emails accrued in my absence! Only a couple of people on my team actually know that I'm ‘back’ (um, working from a laptop in PJs on my sofa with a cup of tea!) so it's been rather fun observing my team working without knowing I'm there! I'm INCREDIBLY happy to be able to say that I'm now only receiving about 30% of the Universal Credit support I was previously on - whilst I certainly couldn't have survived without the government assistance, I am lucky that with the support of my employer I am regaining at least my financial independence.Unfortunately, my health has deteriorated significantly in the last few months. I have 3 vertebrae in my lower back which are pretty much shattered from a combination of trauma, stress fractures and bone degeneration (I've suffered malnutrition on and off since my teens/early 20s, and certain medication I've been on has contributed to early onset osteoporosis) and despite beginning treatment with Fentanyl patches in July this year, I am unable to do anything that involves bending, twisting, standing for longer than 10 minutes - and even then if I can lean on something like the kitchen counter. So I am going to have to continue claiming PIP in order to pay for the lady who comes in to clean and tidy my flat for me, I'm unable to even go down the 7 steps to the street to put out rubbish! Again I am very lucky though, she goes far above and beyond what most cleaners would and does things like arranging the tins in the cupboard by type and taking a photo so I'm not hunting for things, she brought little cardboard boxes to make ‘drawers’ in them so I could easily reach small packets on the shelves, she is a god send - quite literally as I was put in touch with her through a mutual acquaintance at our church! Since I'm getting worse though I need her help more often, so much as I'd like to go back to being financially independent I need to continue claiming PIP at least - but it's not something I can change and I know that I needn't feel guilty over a genuine need, hopefully one day I'll believe myself!!

What do wealthy people know that the poor don't?

Reginald Lewis, first Black billionaire and author of Why Should White Guys have All The Fun?1. Faith. In abundance.That there is plenty to be had, not lack to be fought over.2. Focus of one's mind/Focus on one’s companionship standards in the same fashion.You may not know how to achieve, what you want to do or who will help you but if you take both Tony Robbins and Erykah Badu's advice, you'll be on track. Choose consciously what goes into your mind. I don't watch tv, I have five to seven streams of passive income and I'm working on more. My coworkers watch a lot of tv, movies, sports, commercials and read daily papers that aren't challenging. Yes, I have Netflix and Hulu, $30 a month because I opted for no commercials and I get to choose what goes into my head.I’m in media, sell media, learn from media—-trust me my consumption is far less entertainment and more often used for work/teaching. Yes, I can then take the yearly sum as a tax deduction—-most poor people pay cable companies and bitch. I also have a side deal with mine to broadcast my own TV show and use their studios. My relationship—-same companies have a different focus and therefore outcome.EB suggests choosing friends the way you choose fruit to eat. I have circles of greater and lesser intimacy and I am thoughtful on introducing people or giving recommendations. As a teacher I'm often asked for letters for jobs, courts, schools, etc.. I belong to a networking group that monthly holds events and mixers. I'm an introvert, I normally wouldn't meet so many diverse people. And yes sometimes I'm the only Black one in the room---then people are super nice and friendly to make me comfortable. I rest beforehand, recharge in private and am able to show up fully charged. They also hold private mastermind group meetings, of business owners where you make a presentation and your 11 peers apply their knowledge and experience to your business, then we rotate weekly. Think about that, 11 interested, intelligent, savvy minds at your money, business, marketing issues with solutions and innovations.3. Relationships are evaluated not just fallen into.Most poor people don't marry rich because rich evaluate value and ability. I have had LTRs and dated a lot (once doing a hundred dates in a year boot camp to improve dating skills) and what I learned is that I consider if a partner is smart enough and has the emotional intelligence to raise my children and potentially inherit my business concerns. Then I look at attractiveness and mutual interests. My values and life priorities come first (pun). If someone falls outside of that parameter I look at can they learn or this is just a fun time? On a new date, I arrive "clear" and listening intently.4. “Work smarter, not harder.”My mother’s, an entrepreneur, advice. She helped me launch businesses as a child, and then again as a teen, and talked me through the negotiations in college to take over a school magazine for the express purpose of getting to experiment with other peoples money---the university’s. She also gave me a tax ID number for my 14th birthday.I learned to never attach the totality of myself to a job. Always to have a side concern going. And to use jobs as learning factories. I've worked at Dreyfuss, Citibank, MetLife, CB Commercial, law firms as a securities litigation paralegal, AIG, Goldman Sachs and each place I asked questions, took notes, got certifications, picked brains---temping/consulting——- gave me the opportunity to survey through taxes, law insurance, finance.I've worked at Lord & Taylor, Belk's, A&S , WalMart (I realized as a side note how many of these companies bought stock in because could see upswing coming, most recently was WalMart at Xmas) I've been directly taught how to pitch/sales, marketing, mass distribution, online sales.I'm in education and I've cut a swath through nonprofits, DOE public schools and universities, and private companies.All of that are skills that are transferable:I get those in the trenches to teach me,I transfer the skills to my personal business and get paid to show up to school... I mean work... I mean school...the lines blur for me at a job.I've also taken both the IRS and H&R block tax preparation classes, for spring break I went home and my mother had signed me up for a real estate licensing class for the week, I'm all over Coursera, I take detailed notes even in mundane presentations/meetings because my time and attention are important and I learn from teachers teaching styles as a teacher.I realized, calculating a computer certification program I was teaching to get 80 students to be able to earn 36k a year, that my value was entirely different than my teacher’s pay. My supervisor then brings me the fabulous idea of since I'm using this Tannenberg camera/super large monitor, they could activate it throughout the entire SUNY system to create 34 simultaneous classes at my scheduled 3 classes a day.Wouldn't that be fantastic?I said yes but I was worried about the envelope.She said, what envelope?I explained that right now you pay me one check for one sites worth of classes. How you gonna fit 34 more checks into that slim envelope? Because Aunty Oprah calls your idea syndication and for years she's been getting hundreds of checks from affiliates sites for her one "class" every day.Silencio.I then further explained I was already under contract to another company (mine) for my tv show and videos so there would have to be serious negotiations and ownership rights discussed as well.Silencio.Rich people know their worth and the value of their work and how much they're willing to trade off.My class was with approximately $2.9 million in salaried outcomes , I was getting 80k but could experiment (and it got me to Columbia) so even if I marked down the transmission 50% to outcome salary and to half of my then class size at each SUNY site it was worth $25 million and I had no residuals or ownership so I could be videotaped once, be fired and then my comp tech classes replayed forever.5. They avoid lack of control over themselves by learning from others.I've never done drugs and I didn't drink alcohol until I was 25. About 80% of my family has had drug/alcohol addiction issues. I have had really bad years, heartbreaks, pain, been abused, betrayed, downright mistreated. But at 15 I went with my mother for several years to AA and NA meetings because she had to cut off her whole friend circle to maintain sobriety.What it did was passively train me to not seek crutches and to instead deal with my shit.The ugly stuff, the unfair stuff.Face it.Deal with it.I notice most people avoid dealing with pain, I make an effort to charge through it.6. Coaches, trainers, therapists, and mentors.The rich get them. Get others to assist them, evaluate them, teach them to be and do better. It's a form of supplication, a high form of I don’t know, help me.When my mother died, for a month, maybe half a dozen times I talked to grief counselors sometimes in the bathroom in the middle of the night. They walked me through loss and grief, taught me what to expect and how to manage it.Several years ago my business boomed and I made $26k in a week, my previous large check was $12k from assiduous tax management. I went and got a therapist when I couldn't repeat the 26k to unearth any moneyed-poverty issues I may have. I then realized I need a life coach and a couple of years later paid $1800 for one on a lark when my students didn't show up to his free event. He picked up the baton, taught me directly I hadn't needed a therapist but a business support system and that my ideas were good. That validation allowed me to prosper immensely.All of those counselors allowed me to lay myself out to them privately and they brought all of their talent, skill, knowledge, and compassion to bear to teach me how to be a better me. Poor people don’t have someone doing that for them over a concentrated period of time/goal.7. Time and patience around money.I notice most people are geared to maybe one to two weeks to create and receive money. Business ownership has taught me to see things in terms of years and repetitive, compound returns. This week I got paid again, as I do every month for work I created in 2013. Employee timeframe is weeks, ownership is elastic. I created the books and videos then and I keep getting paid for them. The formula is then simple---create more stuff like that stuff and bring it to a worldwide marketplace on the internet.Before in business I bought, sold, packaged books, CDs, DVDs and sold them on Amazon and eBay. It was tedious, time-consuming and involved manual labor, and I still turned a profit but I realized I was a store essentially and had created a job that I owned like a business.Then I read all the Kiyosaki Rich Dad books, went to the lecture he was at and applied: a true business you can walk away from, it still works and you still get paid. It took years for technology and industry to catch up to me but now that's what I do with books. All those jobs taught me management systems and gave me knowledge that I repackage and sell. I learned about not just royalties but how to massively increase over 10% the writer industry standard. Without all that job training I would not know how to do that as a business.8. Knowledge. Knowledge isn't power, the application and manipulation of it is Power. You have to experiment, you have to fail, you have to read voraciously.I have about 5000 books in storage. I read 5 books a week because years ago I saw a TV movie with Bea Arthur where she played a sick woman and her doctor said she was remarkable for her abilities and he mentioned she read five books a week. I set that as my goal. I then realized my grandmother was doing it too right in front of me. My only amendment is my reading list is more focused on topics, authors, business, motivation than fiction.9. Like business your/your career—develop it, become good at it and figure out how to make it lucrative.Whether Sales, marketing, industry, fashion, etc.. The rich like, even love, their work, are fascinated by it, are deeply invested in it even if they have to work a job for survival so that they can do what they love for free or to pour in sweat equity and gain learning. Their hobby or love eventually generates income of some sort.I listen to people constantly complaining about work, even if they're just saying hello. Now there might be systemic challenges that you are charged with solving but the most bedraggled go on and on about their intrinsic hate of working. The rich work harder at finding things they don't hate and pour their energy into that.Now the key is to keep this all up for decades, happily, making adjustments, taking in new advice, trying out things but keep peddling.10. Pay Attention to Your LifeJournals, notes, videos, evaluation. Each year I do a Q&A with myself about the previous year:What did I learn?What did I like?What did I dislike?Just those three questions jotted down throughout January and answered help me to shift the ship known as Kyle’s Life to what serves me better.#KylePhoenix

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