Guidelines For Field Trips: Fill & Download for Free

I’m a doctor, male, heterosexual, with a minimum no-fuss morning routine. I mention all that because it will give my answer context.None of this is my personal opinion. This is my statistical observation of over 500 doctors and dentists I’ve personally lived alongside during my medical education, in my medical school dormitory, in the interns’ rooms and residents’ quarters at the hospital for over 6 years.Most of us use nearly any regular brand of off-the-store-shelf toiletry (shampoo, soap, toothpaste). Some of us use a face-wash. I don’t. I’m trying now to recall what brands I use, and I can’t even… the name… wait, my soap is pink in color, with some writing across it. Does that help?You should be more interested in what we don’t use.We don’t use earbuds to clean out wax from our ears, since they are completely unscientific and worsen or actually initiate any ear blockage. We just clean the parts we can reach with our fingers. (No probing instruments to go where nature never designed us to go.)We don’t use mouthwash. It kills the regular bacteria in the mouth that protect us from the more harmful ones.We do use a tongue-cleaner right before we brush, but we don’t floss that often. I floss twice a week.We don’t trim our nostril hair.We don’t shave against the grain. We don’t smooth-shave our natural body hair (some of us clip/trim it). We always use an alcohol-based aftershave after shaving. If it burns, it’s doing its job.We don't shampoo our hair every day. That decreases hair health, because it wipes away the natural oils that coat the length of the hair shafts, giving it natural gloss. Most of us shampoo twice/thrice a week. I shampoo four times a week.We don't comb our hair with a fine toothed comb. That increases breakage instead of detangling hair. We instead use a smooth-tipped hair brush to brush our hair.Some of us in more humid states dust our major sweat zones (axillae, crotch, lower back) with a mild cornstarch-based talcum powder. Those of us out in the field for days altogether (field trips) also extend this anti-fungal regime to our toes and ankles. That’s a military tip some of us pick up.Some of us in colder and dryer states use a lip-balm/chap-stick to keep our lips from cracking. We use it seasonally. We avoid using it throughout the year, because most commercial chap-sticks contain addictive products (designed to trigger dopamine release on contact with skin) that can induce a chap-stick addiction. And yes, chap-stick addiction is a real thing. Look it up.And that’s it.Edit: I got a PM asking about my personal specific choices. So I checked. My toothpaste is Close-up, my shaving stick and cream are Gilette, my soap is Lux, my shampoo is L'Oreal. My aftershave is Old Spice. My underwear is none of your damn business. :)Edit: A comment asking if it’s okay to use a hairdryer to dry out your ears. No. The warm moist environment inside any dryer (hair dryer, hand dryer) is in fact a breeding ground for germs. For the same reason, do not use the powered hand dryer in restaurant washrooms to dry your hands. That’s like washing your hands, and then spraying them with bacteria.(How do we know? We’ve taken swabs of these surfaces, and cultured them on microbial growth plates.)Edit: Got this comment (below) to my answer.“Using ear buds might be totally unscientific but the tickling sensation that the cotton makes while rubbing against the stratified squamous keratinizing epithelium of the external auditory canal is very pleasurable.You must try it. Don't use ear buds to clean wax, just feel the tickle, it's relaxing..”Clarification: since people respond better to images than words, here, let me show you what I have to say in response.This (below) is no doubt the pleasurable sensation referred to. (Yay!)This (below) is what will eventually happen. That’s what we see when you come to us.This (below) is a Jobson-Horne probe. It’s what an intern (like me) rotating in the ENT department will use to scrape out the earwax.And this (below) is what your face will look like when we scrape out above monstrosity with a Jobson-Horne probe.And these are the faces the people waiting in line to see me will make, listening to you squeal inside my cabin.Even using it in the external auditory canal the way you suggested just for pleasure, can cause a build-up over time. If we humans were meant to be able to reach that area, our smallest finger would have been designed to fit into the auditory canal. But it isn’t! That is how you know that what you are doing is, literally, unnatural.Nature did not design your fingers to fondle the inside of your ear canal. Your pleasure is an unnatural pleasure. Nature did design your fingers to be able to fondle your penis. That is a natural pleasure.I beg you, sir, to take pleasure in the latter activity. It is safer and more fun than the former.NOTE: Ladles and gentlespoons, please note- the internet asked me a question, and I answered it. I was asked what we doctors use, and that is the substance of my answer. Please use these as general guidelines for normal daily life. If you have been diagnosed with a specific dermatological or trichological or dental problem, obviously my advice does not apply to you.And to the very polite gentleman who rudely insists on debating me via PMs: turn around, sir, I am standing behind you right now. I have ten good points to put across (holds up all fingers) that I shall condense, for sake of time, down to two main points (closes hands into fists).This is not a democracy. The internet is. This is scientific medicine.Someone also wants to know about the sanitary choices of my female colleagues. I cannot answer that question because I am ignorant about that. I am ignorant about that because I am not a pervert. I am not a pervert because I spent my youth directing a microscope at a slide, not a pair of binoculars at the other block.Asher out.

Returning $20 to a woman saved my teaching career and kept me from being labelled a sex offender.I was doing the first phase of my student teaching, observing a middle school classroom two days a week for three hours each day. I showed up in the morning before the kids got there and left right before their lunch. One day, as I was signing myself out of the office in the afternoon, I saw one of the students in my class sitting in a chair beside the desk of the secretary. I heard him tell one of the ladies there that he was waiting for his mom to bring the money he forgot at home so he could go on his field trip.As I walked out of the building and into the foyer, I held the door open for a flustered-looking woman rifling through her purse with her hands full of trash and receipts. I walked out the main doors and onto the large concrete walkway that led to the bus stop and teacher parking lots. Twenty feet ahead of me on the ground, flapping back-and-forth in the breeze, was a neatly folded pile of money.I knew what it was and who it belonged to before I even reached it. I stood on the walkway for a moment, staring at the cash and then back up to the main doors. Finally I reached down and grabbed the money and started walking towards the building. A second later, the flustered woman came out of the doors, and I waved the pile of bills at her.“Did you drop this?” I asked her.“Yes!” She said, breathless with relief.I asked her if she was my student’s mom, and she said yes, and I told her I figured this was for the field trip, and she confirmed it was. She thanked me profusely, and then walked back inside the building. I got in my car and left.Eighteen months later, I was just finishing the full-time student teaching aspect of my degree and I was two weeks from graduation. My placement this time was a suburban high school five minutes from my apartment. On the eve of my final week at this assignment, I was awoken from my sleep by a phone call from the head of the student teaching department at the university.One of my students at the high school had gotten on my Facebook profile, apparently looking for some pictures that were rumored to be inappropriate. They didn’t find any pictures, but what they did find were some status updates and other posts from circa 2009 that ran the gamut from slightly NSFW to full-blown offensive. The parents of the student involved became aware of this somehow, and on top of that there was some question of whether I had initiated contact with this student or otherwise encouraged them to look at my page or make contact outside of school.I asked the department head what was going to happen. He told me that the university had just gone on spring break, and so no action by them would happen for at least a week. Once they returned, they would schedule a hearing. The superintendent of the high school (also a board member of the university, alumnus, and local sports celebrity) was reported to have not only wanted me removed from the school, but also be denied my teacher certification as well as my diploma.I was despondent. The next morning, at the local restaurant where I worked, students and parents showed up solely to berate and yell at me and call me a pervert. For the last semester I had seen my students at the local Walmart, in my neighborhood, and they even worked with my girlfriend at her restaurant. Now I was terrified to go anywhere in case they saw me. A long week went by before the department head called me into his office.When I arrived, he questioned me extensively. I told him the truth, that I had gotten rid of all the usual silly pictures on my Facebook a long time ago as per the teaching program guidelines, but I guess even though my settings were on private all material before 2009 needed to be individually hidden from your timeline. There were certainly posts that were tasteless or offensive, although they also lacked some of the context that—at that time and at that age—made them popular or humorous. There were also a couple posts that were explicitly about the high school superintendent. I made clear in no uncertain terms that I had never propositioned or “groomed” or attempted to make ANY contact with any of my students. In fact, two weeks prior to this whole incident, I had reported to all responsible parties that a few female students seemed to be expressing more than just mild curiosity about me, and I was taking all necessary steps in order to not put myself in a delicate or potentially compromising situation.The department head told me that there would be a hearing where a committee of administrators and professors at the university would review the evidence and take my statement into consideration. He would report back to me their decision by the end of the week.So I sat for another week and did nothing. Other student teachers in the program started to find out about what was going on. I wasn’t supposed to show up to any of the pre-graduation meetings or senior seminar stuff. As if that wasn’t enough, a regular customer at the restaurant I worked at was arrested for making child pornography after a violent gun-battle with the police, and somehow his connection to the restaurant and my situation were conflated (his daughter was actually one of my students), and so I had people who thought somehow that I was also involved in a child pornography ring. The high school baseball team came into my girlfriend’s Applebee’s restaurant and harassed her.I got an email Wednesday evening from the department head telling me to come to his office in the morning. When I arrived, I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life. I had already dropped out of college a handful of times in the past because of money and laziness and people dying and just life in general. I had literally rebuilt my life from scratch to go back to college and get my teaching license. The department head handed me a file with the transcript of the committee’s meeting and their decision.Then he told me that his daughter was a teacher at one of the local middle schools. He was going around one day doing observations on student teachers and he decided to drop by and say hi as lunch was about to begin. He was sitting in his car in the parking lot about to go in when he saw a flustered woman get out of her vehicle and walk towards the main entrance. While she was digging through her purse pulling out bits of trash and old receipts, she must not have noticed that a neatly folded pile of bills had fallen onto the ground.I had shown him, he said, who I really was when I was standing all alone in front of a small pile of cash that belonged to somebody else. The committee had decided pretty quickly that I wasn’t a pervert, and apparently the student in question had requalified their remarks about whether I had actually encouraged them to make contact. As for my offensive status updates, the administration had devolved to a near shouting match about what exactly constituted a transgressive violation, and so no clear consensus was ever reached, except that I had better just make my Facebook page completely private in the future.Everyone agreed that I needed to finish up my last week at a new school, so I was put into a new placement where I graded argumentative essays for a couple days until my time was up. I graduated right on time, but decided to skip the ceremony and use the school gym one last time before my student ID card got deactivated. A couple weeks later I got a friend request from one of my old students. Attached was a brief but friendly message, with an almost confessional tone. They told me that my class had been their favorite, and were excited about college in the fall. Hopefully, they said, things had worked out all right for me in the end.

So I am a Social Studies Teacher, and some things about the profession that always bugged me was these things off the top of my head:1. Mr. Turner’s Method of Teaching.In the show, Boy Meets World, Mr. Turner was the cool teacher. While it is fun to be a cool teacher, there is a difference between being cool and pretending. Kids will pick up on your phoniness, trust me. In one early episode, how does Mr. Turner get his students excited about reading The Odyssey? He tells them to read X-Men and that the class discussion will be a compare/contrast. If I did that, I would be reprimanded. You could make connections with modern materials, but you have to follow the guidelines of required reading.2. Bad Teacher.Okay, so Cameron Diaz shows up to work clearly drunk and is not fired? What kind of Union do they have? Not to forget the other terrible things she did in this movie.3. Teacher’s teach one class a day.No we don’t, we teach various classes and see many different children each day.4. The Teacher is the last to enter the room.No, this is wrong. The law requires no classroom to be without a teacher present at all times when students are in the room.5. Going on Field Trips are not easy as they seem.One of the reasons I did not like the movie, School Of Rock was that a person like Jack Black would have been arrested on the spot for what he did in the movie. There is no way he could have gotten away with all he did in that movie. Field Trips, like the one’s he made up on the spot, are highly illegal because they do not factor in permission slips, health concerns, or contacting parents. The scene where the parents complain that he’s a shitty teacher was accurate to an extent. If there was a teacher who assigned listening to music as homework, that teacher would be fired for lack of academic conduct. Not only that, Jack Black should have been arrested.6. It’s okay to use a crossbow on your students.Mrs. Tingle uses a crossbow to actively kill her student in the movie, Teaching Mrs. Tingle. Nothing in that movie made any sense or was plausible.7. The Gym Teacher is always abusive to his students.IMPOSSIBLE. I have never seen any gym teacher who did this in real life. If he did, the person would be arrested for child Abuse.8. MS. TRUNCHBULLIf any principal was like her, they would have the school shut down and she would have been arrested for child abuse. No Superintendent visits to this school? Was any parent aware that “my principal threw a kid out the window?” What about the parents of the child in question? What did they do or say?9. Taking Matters Into Your Own Hands.Principal Rooney from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off would be have been fired for going above his duties in that movie. When he was clearly told by Mrs. Bueller that Ferris would be absent, that pretty much ended the movie right there. Rooney broke the rules by going after Ferris to see if he really was ill, because parent consent is pretty much a final decision. You can’t do what he did in the movie.10. Saturday DetentionThis is actually a threat and you could be stripped of your license for saying this to a student.No, you can’t do this. Sorry Principal Vernon.11. One Teacher is in each school.Ever notice that there only seems to be one teacher in each school in movies or tv shows? I know that’s because there would be too many actors to worry about, but it always made me chuckle.12. The Entire Movie, THE PRINCIPALOkay, where to start?Principal Rick would never be made Principal when he was arrested for getting into a drunken bar fight.Victor would have been arrested and removed from a school for being as violent and fucking psychotic he is in the movie.A janitor kills a student.The actions that Victor and Rick take on each other would have lead to both men’s arrests. It is laughable that a grown man is BEATING UP ON A TEENAGER.Nobody calls the cops in this movie until it is too late.