Orphan'S Unsupported Child'S Benefit Application Form (Pdf 731.4 ..: Fill & Download for Free

My father was murdered in 2005 and my mom died from cancer in 2006. I lost both parents by the time I turned 16. This has been the worst experience of my life and one I have accepted I cannot forget, but deal with.Becoming an orphan broke me, and shattered everything I believed in. The worst part is that, no one around you understands what you go through and feel everyday. After my mom passed in 2006, I returned to boarding school and became a completely different person, without trying. I was alone, and scared. I wept everyday. I lost interest in everything that mattered to me and couldn't keep things together. I became extremely quiet and shut myself out. I started struggling academically and dropped from being the 2nd best in class to the 21st out of 30 students. I couldn't study without crying or remembering my parents. I couldn't focus. I was suffering emotionally. I had no one, absolutely no one to talk to. No one in my family ever reached out to me or said "everything was going to be okay". I hated visiting days, because parents came over and had fun with their kids and all I wanted was to have at least one parent visit. I somehow still believed they could come back and I prayed to God everyday for hours. I became extremely religious in that time. I felt vulnerable, there was no one to fight for me, no one to love me unconditionally and I was no longer protected. I lost my trust in people and realized how selfish people were.I have a little sister, who is about 3 years younger than me. She still hadn't understood what it meant to lose our parents. I wanted to protect her so much, and I wrote to relatives living abroad to please adopt her, but they didn't. She was growing up in a terrible environment with my grandmother. A lot of children in that community became parents at a younger age, dropped out of school and did not achieve much in life. I didn't want that for her and couldn't help her directly because I was in boarding school in a different city. This made me become very protective and I wanted to quit school so I could get a job in order to take care of her. We suffered financially and no one in our family spent a dime on us. We were lucky enough that our parents left some money and so we used that solely for our education and had to figure everything else out. Like clothes, etc. I worked by teaching kids over the holidays to provide some of these cravings.I became very independent quickly and I had no one telling me what to do. In fact, I wish I had someone who cared enough to tell me what to do. I became very emotional, quick tempered and defensive. I put up a wall and didn't want to get hurt by anyone or anything, and avoided everything. I couldn't handle my emotions and I attributed every hurtful situation to not having my parents around. I contemplated suicide everyday, but the thought of my sister always changed my mind.Overtime, I have felt insecure, and it's very hard for me to trust, but once I trust someone or something, there's no turning back. I have a very big heart and would do anything to help anyone. My struggles and experiences has enabled me to appreciate everything around me and wish the best for everyone. Before I became positive, I despised the word, I was angry, and hated everyone who had a parent or was supported through life. I guess I was jealous and didn't understand why life had thrown this at me. I decided during my high school days, to turn everything around and fight for myself and future. I knew I wouldn't have anyone supporting me, and so I was ready to battle it. I set goals for myself and till today, I take it one step at a time. I didn't want to end up like most girls in my community. I wanted to help people and anyone in my situation. I still have that burning desire to help. I can't stand watching people or animals suffer. I feel the burden and weight of the world on my shoulders, and I tend to help out even if I cannot to do the same for myself.My experiences has made me tough. I appreciate love, even though it's difficult to love, because I'm afraid of losing them. Being an orphan sucks, it's a tough, depressing, lonely, annoying and despiteful life and takes a lot of courage to make the decision to be a better person.However, all these experiences toughen you up and there is nothing you cannot overcome because you have seen it all, have a really good heart, genuinely care about others, and want to make the world a better place.FYI: I'm answering anonymously because I do not want my friends and colleagues to see this post and feel sorry for me. I am moving on with my life and I do not like to be reminded, or treated specially because of my story.