Parkade: Fill & Download for Free

A company I worked in implemented an EMPLOYEE SUGGESTION program with a monetary award for accepted suggestions. The value of the award ranged from a minimum of $50 to a maximum of $10,000.For the first award, the company selected this easy one for a $50 award. This was a button down in the foyer of the parking deck that you were supposed to press to get the door to the parkade to open. You’d press the button and there’d be little CLICK and you’d open the door.At one time, the button was actually black, but thousands and thousands of finger presses had worn the black paint off the button. So the winning suggestion was that the button be repainted OR the word BLACK be replaced with the word SILVER.There was a ceremony and everything.About a month after this was announced, but not yet implemented, I happened to be going to the Parking lot with a coworker, and he just went up to the door and opened it. “What????” I said. Is this broken? “Oh, no.” he said. “It’s never worked. In fact, this is a fire exit and it’s illegal to have a fire exit that only operates when the power is on, so it makes a clicking noise if you push the button, but in fact, you can just open the door. Been like that forever!”So at my urging, he submitted a new Employee Suggestion. That the sign be removed altogether. He won $50 too.

I’m Canadian and my wife is American.In the winter, I wear a toque. My American wife wears a beanie.When I go to the beer store, I order a two-four (24 beers). Instead, she buys a case of beer.At the end of the month, I get my hydro bill. She gets an electric bill. (Note that 60% of Ontario’s power comes from nuclear. Only 26% comes from actual hydroelectricity.)When I brush my teeth, I go to the washroom. My wife goes to the bathroom. I turn on the tap, but she turns on the faucet.For breakfast, I eat some ham. She calls it Canadian bacon. For lunch I have a poutine. She has…nothing. There is no American equivalent. I do love my poutine. I add a double-double to it. (That’s a coffee with two cream and two sugar.)Edit: For the people noting that Canadian bacon is used to refer to peameal bacon or back bacon - yes it is. But it is also used to refer to ham like in this Egg McMuffin:“A egg on a toasted English Muffin topped with real butter and add lean Canadian bacon and melty American cheese” (Emphasis mine.)I drink pop. In much of the US, you drink soda.Edit: I said “in much of the US”, you don’t need to tell me they drink pop in the Midwest. I live in Iowa. I said “in much of the US.” I’ve now said it 3 times, so you don’t need to try to tell me what I already know, again.I pay for it with loonies and toonies. (One dollar and two dollar coins.) On a hot day, I’ll have a freezie, which she calls a freeze pop.We draw with pencil crayons, not colored pencils. A mickey is 375ml of hard liquor. We wear runners instead of trainers or sneakers. We go to “emerge” instead of the ER. We park in parkades, not parking garages.There are lots of Canadian expressions!

I caught an old man trying to break into my car. I approached him from behind, grabbed a hand and wrenched it up behind his back and told him he was under arrest. He did not resist. In the meantime I could hear my wife and daughter both on their phones having the screamy -meamies trying to explain to the police how to find us in the maze of an underground parkade.They booked him for interfering with a vehicle and discovered he had priors for the same thing.