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QUESTION --- What is the smarest thing you ever did to prepare for a final exam?ANSWER --- Before outlining the smartest thing I ever did to prepare for a final, I want to mention that the absolute worst college professor that I ever had taught physics which, as a bio major, I had to take. By "had to take" I don't mean to imply that I didn't like the subject. Physics is fine. No problem. It was just the professor. His delivery was dull. He wouldn't probe to see if he was understood. He went too fast, WAY too fast which annoyed me, and others in my class.WE TALKED ABOUT IT IN THE HALL. IT WAS very annoying to most all of us. Anyway, one day he quickly said that the formula for an object in motion moving on the path along a circle's circumference includes acceleration.WHAT HE SAID QUICKLY PROMPTED ME TO say to myself, "Wha?" Then instantly I visualized a dot on a circle's circumference --- the circle being string --- and the dot as the point of a clock's second hand moving along its 360 degree path taking 30 seconds to go from 12 o'clock back again to 12 o'clock. I also imagined taking a pair of scissors; cutting the string; laying it out on the floor so it's straight; and then moving the dot from one end of the string to the other. At the same rate of speed, it would take 30 seconds to cover the length. The velocity is constant. So I'm saying to myself, "How WELL, or how POORLY, is this non-communicative idiot able to explain acceleration?BEING SMART ENUF TO KNOW MY EXAMPLE wasn't complete because it lacked a compara-tive companion circle, I raised my hand; got recognized and said, "Professor, I don't under-stand why the circle's formula has to include acceleration." (I knew why but could no longer tolerate his LOUSY explanations --- or NONE).SO THE EXPLANATORY MORON SAID, "Because it does. That's the formula." And nothing else.HE TRIED TO MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PART OF his lesson plan, but couldn't because I quickly interrupted: "Professor, if an object is at 12 o'clock and it's moving clockwise down through 3, 6, 9 and back on up to 12 o'clock, and that motion covering the circumference takes thirty seconds, and the distance is what it is, then why does the formula have to include acceleration?"GLARING AT ME WITH AN INTENSITY LIKE I WAS a first-class dumbass dolt, this time he said, "If you would have taken the time to study the text, you would understand."TO WHICH I SAID "AND IF YOU HAD TAKEN the time to draw TWO circles on the board, one LARGER than the other, each with a dot at 12 o'clock, each travelling DIFFERENT DISTANCES BUT IN THE SAME PERIOD OF TIME---THEN WE'D GET IT! So if you don't mind patiently TEACHING us instead of brazenly INSULTING your STUDENT, your BEHAVIOR would be intelligent---and kind!"MAN, THAT PISSED HIM OFF! HIS EMOTION was palpably evident by the look of intense ANGER on his face, possibly even HATRED! This KID, an UPSTART, challenging ME, a Ph.D!IF HE THREW ME OUTTA CLASS, I'D GO SEE the dean in a New York minute! For a few very long seconds, I didn't know which way he'd go. The class was silent. Saying nothing, he glared. I glared back. EXPERIENCING MUTUAL DISDAIN, he finally looked away to resume his class.ALL I KNEW WAS FEELING GOOD HAVING intellectually beatin' the bastard up!NO PERSON---NO ONE---SHOULD EVER TREAT another human being that way! And he was a teacher??? What a rotten, horrible example!PERSONAL CONTEXT --- In (Christian) high school, I was Valedictorian---class of 1958. My high school was also a 600-Cadet Military Academy. Having worked my way up from a lowly plebe as a Freshman to Cadet ("Full Bird') Colonel and Commander of the Regiment as a Senior, I'm accustomed to COURTESY. And daily I pray. Each day I begin with a heartfelt plea, "Lord, be with me today. Help me be conscious of your presence so that I, like you, not hurt anyone, and that I not be hurt. Thank you. I am your servant, Robert."SEVERAL CLASSMATES CAME UP TO ME later in the hall thanking me for saying what had to be said. Bad teacher! Very, very, VERY, BAD teacher!I CUT CLASS TO THE MAX --- I hated that moron so much I cut all the classes I could without him being forced to give me an "F."FINAL EXAM PREP --- THE ONLY ITEM THAT A student was allowed to bring into the final physics exam was a "slide rule." Back in those days (late 1950's), calculators were primitive. But a slide rule was quite sophisticated.DETERMINED TO PASS THAT CRETIN'S course, I wrote every f - - - - n' physics formula on paper that was THE SAME COLOR as my slide rule. I wrote in really tiny print so I could fit 'em all on the back side of the calculating instrument to help me through that obnoxious idiot's course.CHAPTER BY CHAPTER, I FLEW THROUGH MY text identifying formulas likely to be on the final. Even with my instrument permitted to be there on the table with me in the final exam hall, there was just no way that a proctor would see the formulas taped with clear tape onto the back of the slide rule. They were virtually invisible.TOWARD THE END OF MY PROJECT TO PRE-PARE for the final, I asked mysef if what I was doing was cheating. At which I also asked myself, "Which of four mental functions is highest: Decide, Discriminate, Imagine, or Remember?" Decide highest. Remember lowest.MEMORY BEING THE LOWEST INSTANTLY confirmed my decision with a definitively loud, clear and emphatic "f - - k it." And I got an "A."IT'S INTERESTING THAT ALL THAT TEDIOUS preparation drilled the physics formulas into my skull. During my final, I took a peek only a few times. And my roommate, Joe, a psych major who was in my physics class with me (required for me in Pure Science but an elective for him in Social Science) --- Joe saw my "A" on the bulletin board in the hall of the admin building before I saw it. He said, "Bob, didjah know you got an "A?" To which I said, "No! I figured I got a "B" at best. Buy, hey, I EARNED it; and there ain't no way I'm givin' it back!"WHAT I DIDN'T TELL JOE WAS THAT MY PREP project was---no question about it---it was the most enjoyable exam studying I had ever done! It was enjoyable because I made it MECHAN-ICAL. There was little or no need for me to THINK. It was actually MINDLESS study! But during the process of PREPARING that slide rule, I kinda like even paid a little attention to all those formulas! It was like being in a car / someone else driving / I'm relaxed / watching the scenery / it was nice!THE WAY I LOOK AT IT, IF SOMEONE HAS A brain injury inducing amnesia and suddenly can't REMEMBER but can THINK, life goes on! In like manner, if the physics formulas are lost due to a brain injury, a person can look 'em up. But PC's can't THINK for people!THINKING'S TOO BIG A DEAL. SO IS DISCRIM-INATING and IMAGINING! Einstein said imagin-ation is more important than knowledge! That THINKER with his Ph.D in PHYSICS and a Ph.D. in MATH imagined events that a kid in third grade also could dream up. But in the absence of Einstein's ABILITY TO IMAGINE, he'd not have done what he did as soon, or at all.I'M NOT TRYING TO JUSTIFY WHAT I DID WITH my slide rule. But the harm that could have been done to me if I made it a HABIT --- now THAT would be flat-out WRONG! And that dumbass cretin of a Ph.D. --- I don't know if he EVER shaped up. And I don't care! But what I DO care about is my life's calling which is "Helping People Increase Income, Eliminate Debt, and Save Money(TM)." Now THAT'S A BIG DEAL that beats slide rules, lousy teachers, and ESPECIALLY cretin Ph.D.s!A STRATEGIC (BIG PICTURE) view with the whole nine yards of TACTICAL (DETAIL) view built in --- THAT'S what I'm all about! And that Ph.D. was NOT gonna get the best of me. So therefore TO RETALIATE, I got myself TOTALLY PREPARED for that bastard's final. And the one thing I knew with absolute certainty was I'd NEVER have to lay eyes on that incompetent communicator for the rest of my life!THE PHILOSOPHER AND MATHEMATICIAN, Goethe, expressed soul-stirrng words reflecting the truth that prevails throughout our lives of Wonder, Worry, Failure, Progress and Achieve-ment. He said---so eloquently---"As soon as you TRUST yourself, you will learn to be FREE!."To which I say, "Amen!"Submitted by a work in progress,Robert Coyle