Nursing Application - Evening Weekend Option: Fill & Download for Free

Been there, done that. Sorry to hear you’re going through this, but you will come out on the other side alive, I promise.You didn't say what kind of nursing you did before your license issue so it limits my response. My own experience was mostly ER, but I had been teaching all the classes at my hospital and also teaching at a community college for their nursing program before my suspension so I had some options. You didn't say narcotics was the issue, but it was for me, so I will answer this question assuming this. No judgement from me, I promise ! :-)I was extremely fortunate, I will admit. I had worked at the same hospital for 15 years and had LOTS of friends. I cannot tell you how much it paid off that I had always been nice to everyone from housekeeping to the hospital president, Human Resources, nursing assistants, students, physicians, etc. I called on favors from SO MANY people when I was looking for work.Firstly, I was able to keep teaching at the college. I just taught nursing assistant classes, medical assistant classes, phlebotomy, EKG interpretation, etc. My first year out of work this saved me- emotionally as well as financially.Lots of teaching options, especially if you have your BSN. Get your teaching cards for BLS, ACLS, TNCC, PALS, etc. While these lean towards my own experience,, I made a lot of money teaching PALS for a large childrens medical center. It paid nursing pay but only a few hours at a time. For one summer, I had a full schedule teaching at about 10 area hospitals, doctors offices, etc.Dialysis is one route you can take. It is actually VERY friendly to nurses who had license issues. If you are never going to regain a license, be a dialysis tech. They would fall all over themselves to recruit you, trust me. I worked dialysis my first job after i got my license reinstated, but I will admit, I HATED every living moment of it. I swore no matter what, I would wait tables before I ever worked dialysis again. A large percentage of people find a home there after regaining their license, especially as an entry back to practice. Totally narcotic free and the training is so intense it meets the need for a “refresher course”. I know at least 10 nurses who never wanted to leave dialysis after starting over there.Doctors offices- I got multiple offers from physicians who knew me from the ER to work in their offices. You don’t have to have a license of any kind, its this grey area of practice where the physician holds the license and you can do anything he tells you to do. Apply for all of the MA/LPN jobs and then make your case once you get it the door for an interview.I worked for a surgeon one summer and I did exactly what I did as an ER nurse. Triage, wound care, assessments, discharge orders and patient teaching, roomed patients, etc. They paid me well because I was basically working like a nurse practitioner without the prescription writing. I am not sure if this job would have been so easy for anyone else to find- this surgeon was the wife of one of our ER physicians I worked with for years.I worked for my family physician for a few months while her main Medical Assistant was on maternity leave. I don’t think I ever worked harder and was AMAZED at what kind of things people put off before finally coming in to the office. That experience was a long post of its own! Paid like high paying MA. Looked great when I was trying to get nursing employment.Of course you can do nursing assistant work. I found it to be pretty soul sucking though. There is absolutely no judgement in this statement, so don’t put me on blast everyone, but that part of practice is the worst. Its so physical and underappreciated, underpaid, mistreated, on and on and on. Another post for another day…..anyway- there is work there, lots of it, and if you need a job ASAP it is an option.My last job I worked in a cardiology office doing stress testing. Great pay, early morning hours, no holidays, evenings or weekends.If patient care is out, look at some other health care options. Your degree in nursing makes it easy to go another route without too much extra education. Radiology tech, lab tech, med lab tech, resp tech, etc. Check with licensing boards before you invest too much money- some boards won’t let you hold a license if your nursing license is revoked permanently.Some tips about working/finding work after nursing license suspension.I wish I knew more about your situation to guide my answer, but I am left to just assume you are in a very crowded boat with a lot of the kindest, smartest, most compassionate health care providers that I have ever had the privilege to know. Myself included.You’ll have to get in the door somehow- they’ll see your education and toss your application because:1. they think its an error and pitch your application 2. think ‘this person has issues’ and pitch your application 3. pitch your application, lol.I have purposely left resumes/applications very vague to bypass the folks who have to weed out the hundreds of job applications who routinely through out apps for any reason.Get networking! Let people know you are looking for work. I was so fortunate to know people who were willing to recommend me, people who let me know of open positions, etc. You don’t have to tell everybody your business unless they ask, but you will be surprised at how many people will be willing to help you find work.It is difficult to know how/when to disclose your ‘issue’ until you get to an interview. Of course you’ll have to let someone know during the interview process but try to get a sentence or two to sum up what is going on and let the conversation go from there. You will get a variety of responses from ‘don’t care’ to someone wanting extreme detail. I have mostly found that people don’t care if you are honest about it and act like you have your sh*t together. There will be the occasional judgmental person, not often though.If narcotics is the reason you’re out, I cannot stress enough the importance of finding a local Caduceus NA/AA meeting. Not only for the very different world of addiction in the healthcare professional world, but for the networking/ support/ love/ education. I’m lucky that I have a very active, large group that meets once a week about 10 minutes from my front door. *Caduceus is a term for a NA/AA meeting for healthcare professionals. My group has dentists, nurses, physicians, PA’s, NP’s, Paramedics, pharmacists, veterinarians, and others!Most importantly, don ’t let the haters get you down! They’re out there for sure. Even reading the responses to the OP I can spot them….. Everyone has baggage in their life, most folks don’t have their stuff on a website for everyone to read. I think if you ask around, everyone knows a nurse who has a discipline mark for narcs. I am a great nurse, I made some mistakes and I have paid dearly for them. Don’t hang your head in shame. I truly believe that if you own your mistake, people are very forgiving. If you act ashamed, people don’t want to give you a chance. It is difficult to find quality people to hire, just make sure you are one of them and you’ll find your place.

1) The best choice of medical specialty will be something you enjoy AND something you are good at. Most people drop out the second condition. But think hard about this: If you pick something you enjoy but that you are no good at, it will be a disservice to your patients. If you pick something you’re good at but that you don’t enjoy, it will be a disservice to you. Look for something that will satisfy BOTH conditions, and you’ll be set.2) Pay attention to what you DON’T want to do. If you hate Pediatrics or you couldn’t stand General Surgery, THAT’S A GOOD THING! Negative experiences provide you with good, solid information about the kinds of work you want to avoid, and why. It’s especially helpful if you’re overwhelmed with the typical too-many-options brainfreeze. Discarding the rotations you hate will cut out some of the noise from the data, and then it may be easier to see your eventual specialty stand out from the fewer options that are left.3) It’s okay to take lifestyle into account. As a matter of fact, you should. You want nights and weekends to yourself? Go into Dermatology. You want a lot of money? Look at some of the surgical sub-specialties like Plastics. You’re all right with staying at work late to stabilize a patient? Think about something like Internal Medicine. Want shift work with solid start and finish times? How about Emergency Medicine? Take your personal preferences into account when picking what to do, because if you pick a lifestyle that won’t work for you, you’ll burn out.4) Confusion is a GOOD thing, even if it’s getting close to the time where you have to commit yourself to an option!How can I possibly say that? What if the deadline for applications is right around the corner, and you STILL don’t know what you’re going to pick? Think about it this way. If you hated OB/GYN, that’s not going to be an uncertain thing; you will feel no confusion about it. Confusion means you have a bunch of options to pick from, and YOU THINK THEY’RE EQUALLY GOOD. That takes the pressure off, because no matter which one you pick, you’ll be satisfied with the result. (Unless you didn’t like any of them at all, in which case you may have a considerable amount of soul-searching left to do.) Don’t get scared if you’re still confused; you’ll land on your feet somewhere, and someday you’ll look back and realize that you made the right choice. No matter which one you pick.5) Pick for yourself. I don’t care if your father wants you to be an orthopedic surgeon. I don’t care if your mother has been grooming you your entire life to take over her Neurology practice. This is your life and you have to be satisfied with your job.6) Pick for your community. As a doctor you have a responsibility to serve society. Pick something that’s needed, something that will contribute a valuable service to the community you live in.7) Pick for the future. Specialties are not static. While you’re always going to need generalists, it’s important to realize that there are a lot of forces pushing and pulling at the medical specialties. Some specialties have only a limited pool of patients, but a lot of doctors who want to go into that field. You may graduate med school to find that your chosen specialty has a LOT of competition, both for residency positions and eventually even for patients. Family Practice doctors are in trouble these days due to the pressures of reimbursement patterns and the advent of physicians’ assistants and nurse practitioners who can provide similar services but aren’t paid as much. As the space program shuts down, Aerospace Medicine is probably going to focus more and more on airline pilots and suchlike. It’s important to recognize where your chosen specialty fits into the grand pattern of things. It’s important to look to the future. So keep your eyes and ears open. Read the news and keep up on health policy trends. Listen to what people say about their doctors. Watch how different kinds of doctors are portrayed on TV and in movies. Use every resource at your disposal to try and predict what will happen five, ten, or twenty years from now. Plan ahead; this will be your specialty for life. And it’s easier to roll with the punches if you know what direction they’re coming from.8) When in doubt, leave your options as open as possible. What if the application deadline is RIGHT NOW, and you still have no clue what you want to do? PANIC! PANIC! No, actually…please don’t. Okay, it’s a tough place to be. At this point, you’re going to want to pick something that gives you the most flexibility. Internal Medicine and General Surgery can be good options. They both have tons of sub-specialties that you can sample throughout residency, and either one of them will allow you to fine-tune a career for yourself out of the available options.

Yes, on my wedding day.Leading up to it, the signs were there… How he wanted to move in shy within a year of dating because its cheaper. How he went dutch on everything, despite making 4xs my income and had way more expensive tastes. When I met him, I had just switched fields due to the economic downturn and thus was starting over. And he is 5 yrs older. So you adjust and adapt but we had WAY different lifestyles. I wasn’t used to going out every night on the weekends AND eating out every meal! LOL I was SO poor back then - as in I lived on bagels and jam for lunch just to stretch a dollar. Starbucks was a treat for me.So I tried so hard for him to change his mind about the dutch part. Because it didn’t take a math genius to see that going out - bar hopping, hitting the clubs, eating out literally Fri night to Sun night adds up quickly. Said it wasn’t fair - look at what Oprah and Susie Ormand said - he called them American stupidity. That if I wanted us to be together - this is how it had to be. He wouldn’t budge. I thought he moved in because he wanted to be with me. I didn’t realize til later it was more of a financial decision than anything else, plus I had the cheaper rent (smaller space but better location). And living together was his idea, not mine.Then the engagement ring. SMH, I almost bought my own. Why? Because despite having a healthy 6 figures in savings AND making 6 figures, he was pissed my ring would cost close to $5k. He said I should be happy with a piece of string. That scoring him was gift enough. I do realize it’s not about the ring but I was a bit crushed. He was absolutely pissed how much engagement rings cost.After we agreed that we would one day marry, we went to a jewelry store on Union to check out the prices - some simple nondescript tiny store - not one of the high end ones further down the street. We walked in and he immediately went off as soon as he saw the price. I didn’t even touch a ring. He literally picked up a random one and just let out a bunch of expletives at the store. In front of everyone. I couldn’t help it - my eyes immediately watered. The female SA closest to me - looked at me and gently said “Don’t worry - whatever you get will be beautiful….” I flashed her a small brave smile and said thank you and walked out. My then BF already stormed out before me. My eyes water remembering this. We never went back to any jewelry store again. Not after that incident. He called them all crooks. Said the markup was crazy and did I realize these were all blood diamonds? That I’m responsible for all these poor people dying in Africa by wanting a ring. We eventually got my ring from some random website and even that was contentious. That’s why I almost bought my own. My GF talked me out of purchasing it. She practically begged me.. said I’d one day regret it.So after many tears and lots of yelling, I finally got my ring. Which was a lot less from whatever he saw in the jewelry store. Forgot how much that was.. that instigated the shytstorm. $7k maybe? I don’t remember the price exactly, just his reaction.So when my new fiance gave me my engagement ring, he literally said I better like it cuz that’s the first and last time he would ever get me jewelry. And he was right. When I later told another gf, she said “Oh he’s just kidding..” Nope. For the next 9 yrs, nada.So I wore that ring only on the weekends because I was absolutely paranoid I might damage it in some way or worse yet, lose it. I realize these are material possession but I could not possibly lose the only piece of jewelry my husband gave me. Even took out a separate jewelry insurance policy for good measure. So I’d wear it only on Fridays - to celebrate the end of the workweek - and weekends.This man took frugality to a whole new level. One Christmas his present to me was a toothbrush. Another year, chocolate covered pretzels. They weren’t gag gifts but actual gifts from a corporate controller. Whereas as I would buy him a nice fancy smancy cake from a high end bakery, take him out to dinner at one of the top restaurants in the City, give him a separate thoughtful present all nicely wrapped… in addition to celebrating his name day! All this while being an analyst… (starting over from another field, remember? - you start from the bottom). He so L-O-V-E-D his birthdays.. in addition to his name days. And let’s not forget Christmas.I was just hurt and naturally complained at first. He replied “You know.. I just can’t be bothered.” If it literally wasn’t in Walgreens AND on the way home (his 15 min commute via his personal motor transport after an 8 hour workday), he’s not getting it. I didn’t know what to say. I was at a loss for words. Am I being unreasonable because I wanted to see him try to do something thoughtful? I tried to reason with him and suggested “Please just get me a bouquet of flowers”. I realize it’s the thought that counts but seriously?! It’s almost like he didn’t care and for him to say he couldn’t be bothered just made it SO much worse.For the record - there was nothing wrong with my teeth. My mouth didn’t stank. And no, I don’t have a sweet tooth. He did. He knew this and ended up eating half of the chocolate pretzels himself. The other half, I brought to work and gave to my contractor who was mortified to find out that this was my gift. I remember her eyes looking up at me with pity and go “Oh honey..”Just so, we’re clear - aside from suggesting flowers and wanting a new Ering, I never asked for anything. I knew better. The ENTIRE time I was with him. And being really more of the independent sort, I knew if there was anything I wanted, I’d just get it myself. Kinda how I was raised. Thankfully I could afford to do so. But I wanted something that was heartfelt and thoughtful. To show that he cared, thought of me and my interests. But I digress…He later told me he was SO close to buying me this used engagement ring from Craigslist but knew I would NEVER forgive him if I found out. I just wanted it to be new. Is that so hard to ask? Plus I was “silly” because I believed in something called karma… I cant help it. Due to my heritage, I get the ebijeebis around vintage and used.His wedding band was $4,500. A thick heavy platinum band that I bought after we visited 5 jewelry stores all throughout the City — Tiffanys, Cartier, other high end boutiques… It came from one of the latter. I didn’t have 6 figures saved up at the time as I was still building up my career and well a lot younger than him. But silly me thought: its ok, this is for my husband.Funny enough - He wore his wedding band only during the week. Complained it was heavy, in the way and NEVER wore it on the weekends. Years later he hinted on an upgrade. As a nice anniversary gift. He wanted a different ring. Jesus. I would be decapitated if I did the same. Not that I wanted to… I was perfectly happy with the one I had.And so I paid for our wedding to help make up for the “sting” of buying my $5k engagement ring. The wedding cost $10k. At the time, my take home was $65k pretax. I realized nowadays it may not sound like a lot to some but back then, it’s decent money - especially if you’re starting over. He had a field day - wanted the most expensive dessert on the menu. I mentally blocked out how much that champagne cake costs… by the slice! When I saw the nearly 3 digit price tag and went “Really?!”, he just pointedly glanced at my ring finger. *sigh* For dinner, he chose the most expensive food and drink options. I gave up. Its our wedding day - supposedly the happiest day of your life - outside of the birth of your own kids, or something along those lines. So I gave in and just watched the bottom line - downgraded the flowers and nonsensical items to help the overall total stay affordable.And sadly, on our wedding day, I realized for the first time I looked “decent”. Prior to this day, I never realized… and honestly thought this whole ENTIRE time, people (as in guys) only liked me because of my personality. Because I was funny, had a wry sense of humor. An eternal ugly duckling if you will. Partly because I am a unique mix and also because I don’t look like your standard or western definition of beauty.I also never wore makeup aside from lipstick before. Never knew how nor ever bothered. Tomboy childhood. And so the makeup artist was instructed to be sparing in her application as the venue was muggy and hot. I didn’t even do a trial run beforehand. Just winged it the day of. LOL my gfs were HORRIFIED! Thought I was bananas because not only was I axing the rehearsal but also a trial makeup run?! I just shrugged and said it will be fine…Afterwards, everyone (except my husband) tripped out. No one had seen me in makeup before. Even the priest made a comment.I remember right before I was to walk down, I suddenly had a super bad feeling. Like extreme cold feet… as in my hands were suddenly trembling. I told my best friend who was supposed to walk me down. He got upset and complained everyone flew here to see me wed. Said it’s just nerves, that my new husband to be is just fine. That he’s a good guy. Oh he SO didnt know cuz you keep your shyt private, right? So we went through with it. Btw, I never have panic attacks before or since. And my BFF changed his mind the following year.Afterwards, I asked my now husband what he thought of my appearance. Because it’s our wedding day and for the first time of my life, I felt pretty. He looked at me quizzically and said I looked just “ok”, nothing special. My heart sunk. I know this may sound funny but internally I was devastated. The men who are reading this may not get it but the women do… It still breaks my heart whenever I think about it. For the first and probably last time I ever felt pretty — he couldn’t even lie. I knew THEN my marriage was doomed. Being cheap towards me and going out a lot is one thing. This… c’mon. It’s our wedding day.The honeymoon? Well besides the standard daily lay, he would take off and explore the island on his own. I was left by myself in the hotel room. We felt like strangers. This was our honeymoon. Aren’t we supposed to be inseparable each and every day? On the honeymoon at least? It wasn’t that long. Some friends who were also staying nearby, invited me to hang with them. So I asked if I could since well I was alone for most of the day… my new husband said no. He rather I spent the afternoon by myself vs doing something fun like snorkeling. I was not to leave the grounds while he went off on a rental car, exploring volcanoes, etc. The area was super safe so it wasn’t that. So instead, I amused myself by walking around the path by the hotel, sitting poolside but mostly spent it indoors. It felt weird being on our honeymoon by myself - surrounded by all these happy couples and families. I stopped hanging out by the pool because seeing everyone so happy and relaxed just made me feel terribly lonely.We probably shared only one meal daily. He accompanied me to the pool once but quickly got bored. It irritated him that I knew how to swim. Complained that my style was too graceful and that it was obvious I was taught. Well shyt, he knew I used to swim competitively. And he HATED that brunch was $50 for both of us. Complained every friggin morning of the 4 day honeymoon about this. For you see, he had to pay for the honeymoon and resented that. Btw it cost way less than the wedding.I distinctly remember when it was time to check out, I thanked the staff for such a great time because well let’s face it - hotel on a Hawaiian island is AMAZING… So I cheerfully suggested “Maybe we can return on our 10 yr anniversary…” He shot me a dirty look. I went “Um, 20 yr?” My new husband looked at me and said with a straight face “Don’t count on it.” In front of the staff!! This after he told me the day before that he LOVED how they catered to his every whim, how they addressed him with respect, knew his name EACH time he asked for a car, etc. SMH. I was so embarrassed and felt bad for the staff. I knew he was cheap but geez.And yes, he is a horrible tipper. Detested each time he had to leave a tip… anywhere. I was always slipping in dollars to make up for the difference. He HATED tipping. Called it an American Ponzi scheme. How he can be so cruel to anyone (outside a bartender) is beyond me. I still don’t get it.This farce of a marriage somehow lasted 8 yrs. Probably because we were old fashioned and foolishly believed marriage is forever. And no one is perfect, right? No one we knew on either side were divorced. In the beginning, he was happy because he felt that he got more respect from others now that he's married. Even told me so the first week after the honeymoon. How the CEO of his company patted him on the back now that he’s married and offered him a cigar. That he was a big man now and puffed his chest with pride.For our first year anniversary, he went into Tiffanys, looked at the salesperson and said “Where's your cheap shyt?” He told me this story with glee afterwards. I never asked for Tiffanys and stupidly got excited when I saw the small light blue box. I never dreamed of owning anything from there. I remember feeling bad because I didn’t know we were supposed to exchange gifts on wedding anniversaries so I didn’t get him anything and was unprepared.My eyes bugged out and went wow because here is my normally frugal (to me) husband with a small light blue box?? I was already happy because we took a trip (NY for the weekend - his idea.) I thought the trip itself was the “gift/celebration” as it was paid from our joint account. Plus I’ve never been to NY before so I definitely wasn’t expecting a gift too. He said calm down cuz its worthless. My smile faltered a bit before opening the box. I looked up at him before pulling apart the bow. Maybe he was kidding? Nope, it was a key chain. He thought the whole thing was funny. I think he saw the expression on my face, felt bad for a sec, and so cushioned the blow by suggesting I could have it engraved. I paid for the engraving. In retrospect, I believe that was the only time he purchased me an anniversary gift. No, I never asked for one. Would you after that?Years later we drove to Tahoe for the weekend (also his idea) for our 5 yr anniversary but didn’t celebrate any others before or after. Which is fine. Stayed a lovely motel which ended up looking like a porn-set unbeknownst to us. LOL the online travel review site was a bit off.We never had any kids because he wouldn’t agree to accompany me to the hospital. Even if I gave birth to our biological children. I said he didn’t have to cut the cord, just hold my hand. They would put up a sheet. He wouldn’t have to see anything. He could even wear noise cancelling headphones. He said no. I even tried “How about the waiting room”. Firm no. “Parking lot?” Still no. He explained that in his village, the men don’t go to the hospitals. When I later learned that you can actually DIE from childbirth (this was news to me) and told him, he still didn’t care. He would not accompany me to the hospital period. His ideal plan was for me to stay home with the child while paying for half of the living costs out of my savings. But the medical expenses of the birth - that would come of out my own pocket. My body, my money.That probably explains why I was never on his health plan. Ever. It didn’t matter who had what coverage or if I had coverage. Or if my company that I worked for even had adequate benefits. In his eyes, I’m an adult so I can take care of myself. A good friend later joked post divorce “He must have missed the part where the priest said.. in sickness and in health.”I’ll give him this. He is a man of his word. He never came with me to the hospital. No matter what injury I had. The entire time we were together. I went to the ER 5xs throughout that marriage. Each time alone.One night I woke up with kidney stones. At 3 am. It stemmed from a UTI that went untreated. I knew something was wrong when I started to develop a high grade fever and was literally dripping in sweat - my whole body- earlier that day. He told me to stop whining, that I’ll be fine… it was just a fever. Don’t be a wimp. I’m normally not a whiner and have a high threshold for physical pain. For example: I once accidentally slipped, broke my tailbone and didn’t flinch nor shed a tear.But I looked like someone threw a bucket of water on me. No, I don’t normally get a fever that way. Later that evening, I woke up in searing pain and realized that I couldn’t lift my leg. Crap - I REALLY had to go to the ER. He woke up momentarily as I shook him and told him the news. He rolled over, waved, said “be safe, get better” and went back to sleep. I was in so much pain I almost couldn’t switch from my pajamas pants to jeans or sweats because I couldn’t lift my leg. I whimpered in pain as the sympathetic cab driver tried to avoid the pot holes en route to the hospital which was only 5 min away. They did an MRI, found the stones, and had to give me morphine for the pain. I hardly ever take Advil and to this day, that was the most physical pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I was at the hospital from 3AM - 1 pm. He never once called to check on me or see where I was. I went to and from the hospital alone.I don’t know why I stayed. Probably because I felt it was my duty to be a “good wife”. Probably because I didn’t want to be a statistic and just “give up”. When I later developed a temporary debilitating autoimmune disease, he was pissed off. He was very angry, he got stuck with a sick wife. Joked that I just laid there looking like a corpse - even dubbed me “Bernie”. He didn’t know when he initially met me, that I would one day be like this… even if it’s temporary. The condition is treatable with daily meds and if you met me, you would never know I had this. I was back to normal in no time. It didn’t matter. To him, I was “broken”. It was almost like he felt jilted. No, I’m not a mail order bride.The only thing he liked about me is that I seemed to age well. He made this comment about you need to see the woman’s mother before locking it down.One time I developed benign cysts which required surgery. The nurses almost didn’t discharge me because he was such an azz. He showed up an hour early before my surgery was over and exclaimed “Where is she? I need to go back to work!” I would have taken a cab home if I could.. by myself.. but the doctors were quite adamant - someone needed to pick me up. Otherwise they wouldn’t discharge me. Id be too woozy from the drugs they gave me to knock me out before the surgery. He was irritated that he had to wake up early to pick up his wife from the hospital. He was hoping that the surgeons would be finished early so that I wouldn’t inconvenience him too much.When I came to, I found him with a bouquet of flowers and thought “Aww, how sweet.” He complained that the nurses were being mean to him and how they made him buy flowers for me in his spare time. Lol I did notice several stink eyes directed his way on our way out. He dumped me at home, instructed my dog to care for me and went to work. Thank God for the medication. I slept most of the afternoon with my dog by my side for company but felt utterly alone. He wasn’t there for me emotionally at all, much less physically.He never answered his phone. Even yelled when one day, I accidentally split open my chin in yoga. I felt strong that morning and so was going for that pose where you balance your body on your elbows. Well since it was my first time attempting it and apparently not the best at balancing oneself - Bam, down I suddenly crashed. Chin plant smackaroo on their lovely bamboo floors. It didn’t hurt really. I was more embarrassed than anything else. The sweet yoga instructor was quite worried. As I drew the towel away from my chin, blood literally gushed like a mini-geyser. Crap.I immediately went home and showed my husband as I dumped my yoga bag. He was so mad… Yelled how could I have been so stupid while he played with the dog. I looked at him and immediately left because the blood was literally shooting from my chin. I hoped the bleeding would stop if I applied pressure. No such luck. It was the first time I ever received stitches (outside of the aforementioned surgery). I remember when they told me I needed stitches in the ER, I thought for a second - Dmn, maybe my husband was right. I was worried… I never had stitches before. Well not awake at least. It was on my chin too! That I REALLY messed up this time. I remember the tech reassuring me that he would try his best to ensure there wouldn’t be much of a scar. That this isn’t his first time and he squeezed my hand for comfort. Then the “funny” part came where I needed an emergency contact - for stitches! My best friend had to be my emergency contact because my own husband didn’t give a dmn. He never answered his phone to begin with so how can he be an emergency contact?My BFF picked me up from the hospital. And we immediately went to lunch afterwards. Over the meal, he told me how messed up this situation is. That I had a husband but HE was my emergency contact?! My BFF told me loved me (as a friend) but this was totally messed up. I never tried that yoga move again.Everything always had to be my husband’s way. Fly to see his family in Europe vs visiting mine in Asia. His attitude towards me got worse as the marriage progressed and my career took off. And the gap btwn our two wages diminished.I started to notice that he began rolling his eyes at me daily. When I said something, he said I was being overly sensitive. That he wasn’t being disrespectful and that it was just my imagination. “Dont act like a stupid American”.He began hanging out at bars to watch soccer. He got mad at me because I didn’t embrace the sport. Said I was being close minded. I’ve never watched a game prior to meeting him. I grew up playing a variety of sports but knew nothing of soccer. So being the ever supportive wife, I went to two live games. Plus accompanied him to the pub after work two other times. I was exhausted, especially after a long day but thought it was my wifely duty to be a good sport. Forget the fact that I can’t drink beer (gluten allergy). He later complained I didn’t stay long enough, said I didn’t give it a real chance. Huh? I stayed at least 2 hours each time. Everyone was nice but when they’re plastered and you’re tired & sober.. It just wasn’t my thing. First he was happy he discovered a passion but later it translated to I’m a bad wife because I didn’t embrace that sport like he did. Futbol still isn’t my thing.We no longer did things as a couple. I really don’t remember when we stopped. Probably soon after the wedding. He was only around me on the weekends, usually in the evenings, after a few bottles of wine and for his customary lay. During the mornings and afternoons, he was at the pub - watching a game. I didn’t even know that men cared about female orgasm until after this marriage!He soon hated all my friends. They never did or said anything ill towards him. He just resented the fact that they became successful or had some positive attribute. He even spoke ill of my gf who is a social worker and occasionally depended on welfare to make ends meet. She is a single mom and a divorcee. He even gave me grief whenever my only godchild paid a visit. It didn’t matter that he lived overseas or at the East Coast. Partly because he couldn’t stand that the child was half Russian and also because the parents went from food stamps to actually a comfortable life, not rich but comfortable.I felt horrid. I loved my godson. Still do. And at the time, our friends hardly had any kids and I love children. This little precocious blond tote was the closest thing Id ever have to my own child. I took my godmother responsibilities quite seriously and spoiled him rotten. Years later… his parents told me the darling thing thought I was blood.My husband even complained when it was time to buy a house. Said that he couldn’t be bothered with home inspection, that he was stressed out by his own job, etc. So I agreed to deal with the real estate agent, inspection, letter, escrow, you name it. At the time I was running 5 multi-million dollar global projects simultaneously.. with various sized teams all over the world. LOL what’s one more project? He was a corporate controller for a small insurance company which despite its minute and simple operation… generated gross amounts of revenue. Even my husband admitted something was a bit shady about the insane fortune that was amassed so quickly yet so easily?! His most complicated task was closing the books at month end. This insurance company had 20 total employees and he didn’t have anyone reporting to him. My developers were horrified when I later told them that I climbed onto the roof w/ the house inspector. They all went “Where is your husband?!”Then probably not surprisingly soon after we bought the house, he snapped. Everything quickly unraveled. More like free falled. He became physically violent. Threw his first punch… sober. Which immediately sent me to marriage therapy the very next day. I tried to get him to go with me. He wouldn’t because he said I was the problem… I’m the one that needed help, not him. That if I behaved like a wife is supposed to - he wouldn’t be so angry.WTH did I do wrong? I worked, made a great income, did laundry, cooked, ran daily, provided sex twice a week, was respectful to his parents and friends, made sure the bills were paid on time, balanced the joint, remembered everyone’s bdays & got them gifts, bought the groceries, took care of the dog, learned the rudimentary basics of his native tongue, befriended everyone… Where did I eff up?! I don’t dress flashy, heck I hardly wore makeup. Yea, I wasn’t the best at house cleaning but certainly wasnt a pigsty. I’m generally neat but clean once every few weeks vs every week. Basically, whenever I’d start to see dust or something on the floor. He KNEW this about me.We divorced after the second and catastrophically worse violent encounter… also sober. We didn’t have any financial problems nor did he do drugs. He stopped all that recreational crap before we dated. We put half down on a nice house in a good part of SF and had a very comfortable mortgage that can be achieved with one income plus some money in the bank.At first he didn’t want to divorce me. Said what would people think of him. He was incredibly worried because it would be painfully obvious to ANYONE that something went terribly awry. Why would this petite Asian woman divorce this 6′2, 185 lb European.. after so many years.. when no one cheated… and it’s accelerated. Why was I running away from him, especially given that we just bought this expensive home and spent all that money. No, I’m not the fraidy type… but in this situation, I was terrified. With our weight disparity, he could easily kill me. I wanted the hell out. I didn’t care anymore. He felt SO sorry for himself. Said that he would be a pathetic human being with nothing to show, all alone on an apt, 43 and alone. Woe is him. That I was the one who gave up on the marriage. That I’m the bad one.Years later, I learned that my coworkers and friends suspected something was up. Everyone saw me lose weight. They could see it in my eyes. Something was wrong but I never said anything. Took it on the chin (no pun intended). Instead I became increasingly gaunt. I kept cutting my hair shorter and shorter… It went from mid back to a pixie. I didn’t smoke, never did drugs and only drank on social occasion.. which was quite rare. I needed a release. Getting inked wasn’t an option. So my poor hair took the brute of it all, not to mention my body.So I made him an offer I knew he couldn’t refuse. I had to outsmart him to get him to sign the papers. What did he love more than anything else in the world… Money. Keep everything. Let me go. Keep the house, the car and everything in it. Just let me go. He immediately said yes. He almost went after my handbags (that I bought myself..out of spite) but later changed his mind. And so I got my freedom. My lawyer was pissed. He wanted this ahole to rot in jail. But I knew my husband. I knew he wouldn’t let me go otherwise and well at that point, my life was in danger. I figured I can always make $$, but there was only one of me. This was a no-brainer.I’ll never forget that wedding day though. How his reaction to my appearance was so wildly different from everyone else's, even the priest. I later told my friends. The ones that attended. It broke their heart because they never seen me so pretty.P.S. Nowadays I’m at a healthy weight and my hair is grazing my shoulders once more. I’m happy and free. I’m always smiling and back to my usual cheery happy go lucky self. If you met me a year or so after this, you’d never suspect that this was my past. I’m at peace finally. Thank you for reading.