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Narcopaths, or pathological narcissists, have split personalities – the charming Dr Jekyll and the toxic Mr Hyde. Broadly speaking, each half of their personality is fed with their own type of narcissistic supply – positive and negative. A narcissistic mother will derive one type from one child, and the other from the second.Golden ChildThe Golden Child (GC) is praised, given the lion’s share of attention, resources and favour. In return, the GC will mirror back to the narc mother her brilliance – she must be a wonderful mother to have such an amazingly wonderful child etc. This is the one who is thrust front of house, introduced to all of her friends and paraded as proof positive of mum’s awesomeness, and who takes on the role of best mate and confident. They are primed and conditioned to appreciate, applaud and admire their mother with unflinching loyalty. The GC fuels the narc with oodles of positive narcissistic supply.The ScapegoatThe Scapegoat (SG) exists to be the target of the toxic projection of the mother. She is so full of venom that she would kill herself with the poison if she didn’t exorcise and externalise it – pulling it out from deep within and throwing it out at the nearest and most unflinching receptacle. This poor child is the one who is controlled, despised, accused, blamed, (beaten if the narc is low-functioning) – and he is billed as the culprit as to why mum could have any faults, is beset by misfortune or singled out for blame. Rather than accept that there could be anything other than perfection about her, all negativity that could possibly be attributed to the mother is redirected to the SG – in essence the SG becomes the rubbish bin into which everything rotten is shovelled. The SG’s role is to provide narc mum’s toxic cesspit to which all of her negative toxic effluent is flushed..The Lost OneIf the narc mum has more than two kids, the additional ones are likely to feel rather “lost”. With her positive supply and negative waste needs met by the other two, the third will be held in reserve – a child with little defined role – neither part of her close clique, but without the control, manipulation and cruelty exerted on the SG. Should the others fail in their designated roles, however, additional children will be called in to fill the breach – in either.Poles ApartLike two opposite polarities of a magnet, the two children essentially hold each other in position. Narc mum pervades a sense that if the Golden Child fails to perform her duties to perfection, she will be demoted to Scapegoat – so she had better achieve to the highest standard. Similarly, the Scapegoat is encouraged to be the most obedient, brave suffering but silent wrongdoer – incentivised with a promise of redemption, one day, maybe – if only he complained less, performed better, sucked up more and never, but never, spoke up about his abuse.Swapping OutSometimes something will happen to change the dynamic. The Golden Child cocks up and upsets mum, or the Scapegoat outperforms his GC sibling and warrants promotion. Or perhaps the environment in which the mom moves changes, and the previously scapegoated child will represented a more effective mirror. So for example, SG son loves playing rugby and GC daughter has a talent for fashion. Mum is invited to a rugby international with two tickets – she decides to take SG child because he is more likely to impress the rugby fans she will be hobnobbing with. The SG’s break is short-lived however – back at home post-match and mum demotes him once again, wheeling out GC daughter to continue the life-as-normal dynamic.The Mother’s Victim NarrativeNarcopaths will invariably have some of victims narrative going – something that they use to derive positive narcissistic supply in the form of sympathy and attention, and offload their poison onto. Where the Scapegoat has traits that can be used to secure this sort of pity, it will be used with her clique to the detriment of the child.Where the narc mother has little to complain about, and particularly when the infant is young and too little-developed to have anything that will stick with her clique, the narc mother will make something up to win the attention of doctors and sympathy of her band of supporters and enablers. Cue Munchausen’s by Proxy.Child DevelopmentWhichever role the child is assigned, or reassigned, children of narcissistic mothers grow up pressured to show all-embracing attentiveness to their mum – unswerving loyalty, uncomplaining subservience, singular devotion, faultless obedience and uncompromising conformity – otherwise there will be repercussions. A narcopath mum’s “love” is entirely conditional. As they grow up and mature, normal children enjoy their increasing independence, self-identity and self-confidence. Not so the children of narc mums, whose apron strings seem to be made of toughened steel. She will hamper the development of she children’s confidence, continue to clip their wings, brainwash them against their father who will be isolated (if he has been able to stay anywhere close to them in the first place) and maintain them as extensions of her own ego.Breaking FreeThose children of narcs who develop to be neurotypical (ie not following in the footsteps of the pathological narcissist) can and do break free, invariably sometime in their twenties. They begin to realise how dysfunctional and unhealthy their relationship has been, they begin to establish their own self-identity and now play catch up building their self-confidence. For some this is a relatively quick and painless process – other children of narcissistic parents can continue to struggle to develop healthy view of themselves much longer into their adult life.Resonate with your situation at all? I’d welcome an upvote. Need to get it off your chest? Please share. Want to know more? Please follow me and request notifications. Got a story to tell? Please tell us in comments.NPD Life Coaching & Consulting - Stewart CookSee also:Stewart Cook's answer to Do narcissists love their children?Stewart Cook's answer to How did you know your mother was a narcissist?Photo courtesy Dreamstime.com

Estimating the cost of construction starts out with multiplying square footage, by an average cost per square foot in the market. Then at each step thereafter the budget gets more complete (solidified).If I were prospecting a development property on Manhattan for instance, I would take a look at the property’s Floor Area Ratio (FAR) Glossary (among other relevant attributes) then I would multiply the max sq footage by roughly $400/ per sq ft - which would give me a rough estimate of the potential project’s hard construction costs. (Hard=actual construction, Soft = design, legal, insurance, expediting etc. — I’ve used hard construction cost rather than hard and soft costs because usually the large part of soft costs (Architect) is a % fee on hard costs).Next step, I would send out the preliminary set of drawings (or even just a few specs on the building size/location) to a CM/GC (construction manager/general contractor) I’ve done business with — tell them about the project, and ask for a preliminary budget. Usually you can get them excited about the potential project enough to complete this pro-bono based upon the prospect of future work.If you’ve never done business in the market, and you’re not familiar with any particular CM/GC, you can send out a Request For Proposal (RFP) to a few CM/GCs in the market, insodoing, request a preliminary budget as part of the response — take a look at the depth of the document (how granular they get in terms of the costs - this gives you an idea as to whether all costs are incorporated).At this point you’ve really only expended capital on preliminary design (if at all) and you have a fairly accurate professional construction budget, which you can share with your limited partners, investors, and lenders.Next step usually starts to cost money — when you have your chosen CM/GC start pre-construction, (alongside the Architect, and other stakeholders) — the team will Value Engineer each aspect of the design, start a preliminary schedule, and logistics plan — all while updating and forming a more solid budget (Final Project Budget)…

Break up your course into smaller sections.-------1- Learn console level programming:By console I mean simple command line I/O. Do not waste anytime dealing with GUIs and Forms now. Concentrate on:A) Procedural C# language structure including but not limited to program flow control, Console I/O, data types, program structures and files, File System I/O operations, structures...B) Basic Object Orientation: learn to create a class, instantiate and create objects from classes, inheritance, access levels, overloading, overriding,C) Advanced Object Orientation: garbage collection and GC generations, reflections, exception handling, multithreading, generics.---------2- Learn GUI for Windows/Linux:This step totally depends on the environment you want to develop for. I assume most dot net programmers target Windows OS, so start learning simple Forms and event based code.A) Create simple forms and add controls to them.B) Add event delegates and handlers to your controls.C) Use inheritance to create custom controls.D) Use overriding to handle custom drawing operations on controls.--------3- Connect to database (sql server) using your knowledge in dot net.Databases are important part of everyday software. It's a must for every professional programmer to have solid knowledge of database structure, applications and language. Microsoft SQL is the standard database for the dot net developer.A) Learn the basics of relational databases. Learn to create tables, set table IDs, connect tables using primary keys, normalization and database handling.B) Learn simple SQL query language. Create custom queries to fetch data from multiple tables.C) back to C#, use ADO.NET to make simple connections to databases. Then fetch rows and columns of a table from C#.D) Add DataGrids to Forms and fill them with data. Learn to handle user updates to a database using GUIs.------So far so good. Now you can develop lots of useful real world applications using your programming skills.From here on you can choose to either:I) Become a web developer using ASP.NET. This will be a totally new world for you. Skills needed are knowledge of HTML, JavaScript, CSS, server/clients request/response architectures,2- Become a game developer. You would require knowledge of DirectX/OpenGL, game engines, AI...3- Do network programming.4- Develop for the dot net itself. This is done by creating custom controls, libraries, extensions that help other developers.5-...You can see that the possibilities are endless.Good luck.