Twinless Times: Fill & Download for Free

More so than other siblings or spouses. Research suggests that twinless twins in general have a mortality rate of ~50% in the year after one has passed. There are support groups for twinless twins these days.

A2A. I am very sorry for your loss. I know that you can’t remember your twin, but any time you are denied an experience that you think would have been important, it’s a form of loss. For some surviving twins, the loss of a twin is simply a fact in their biography. For others, it’s a defining characteristic. I strongly recommend that you look into Twinless Twins Support Group, where you can connect with others in exactly the same situation.

It was the day two strangers, two very young men, took the life of my identical twin sister, and their own. They also permanently disabled my Grandfather, who really took the role of my Father in my life. He was never the same after what they had done. I remember this as if it happened yesterday. Every detail. Kind of sickening, really.It was June 17, 2001. My twin sister and I were almost 14 years old. My family and I were all in our van, leaving the Florida Keys after a Father’s Day celebration. It was my twin sister, my big sister, my Mother, and both her parents; my Grandparents.We were driving on a notoriously dangerous road between the Keys and Miami, called “the stretch,” where there was no road divider. And there they were, two drunk drivers, driving the wrong way, in a small black Saturn, speeding like you can’t even imagine. It was like they moved faster than their own shadow. They lost control of the car, and hit ours head on.There really aren’t any words to describe the total helplessness, trauma, and graphic experiences of violence that followed after that moment of impact- the experience of dying, knowing and accepting my own death on “the other side,” coming back to consciousness, or when the strangers from the road carried us out of the flames, or what happened in the helicopter or ER afterwards, and later the traumatic experience of the funeral. What I will say is that when I was little, I never thought that my family would be “that family” on the news in Miami, FL that night.I especially never thought that my twin sister would die. People never hear about THOSE stories. It’s the kind of stuff that people simply don’t talk about, because it’s so bad. A lot of fake “horror stories” and urban legends are created about twins whose other half dies and then something spooky happens or there’s a haunting. It’s weird to think about sometimes, because these stupid ghost stories mimic my personal life, and I have been in situations where people simply don’t believe me when I tell them that I’m a twin, and that she’s dead. One time, I was even accused of lying, of making it all up for attention!The hardest part of all, was the fact that my twin sister Alannah died without us that night on the ER table, surrounded by surgeons trying frantically hard to save her. But she couldn’t make it. Her body was too mangled and broken. The hardest part was losing my twin sister. One cannot describe the bond of twins, it is only felt by twins themselves, because they know. It’s deeply spiritual. It’s telepathic. Yes, it is. I knew the moment she died before anyone told me- I was the first to know, because I saw her spirit and she spoke to me. My twin sister softly glowed in the Light.When other people see twins, especially identical mirror twins like us, these entertained people never think about what happens to people who are twins, but their twin is in Heaven. When people find this out, sometimes they often say ignorant things like “oh, you’re not a twin anymore,” as if my twin sister never existed or had never been born. Sometimes, this lack of support, empathy and severe emotional ignorance from others makes the healing much harder. Sometimes when you hear shit like this coming from your classmates, it just “does” something to you.Looking back eighteen years since her death, I can see how I became antisocial and angry afterwards. I understand how reactive I had been, often pushing people away. I can see how I completely “lost it,” because Alannah was my rock. I developed a bad victim’s mentality for many years. I felt that this whole experience “defined” me as a helpless victim over my circumstances. It seemed as if I was stuck in the powerless moment of the car accident and its traumatic aftermath, for many years. And then, as time and many years of participation in professional, trauma-centered therapy passed, with the right personal effort and support group, I became my own rock and developed my own loving sense of self, even if my twin was in Heaven.I began to see that my victims mentality was affecting everything- from my relationships, friendships, and work. My reality. It had became the filter upon which clouded my eyes in the world. At first, it was really hard to see and accept this shadow in my personality. I was angry at myself for being inherently “bad” (that’s a false belief based on trauma, not reality). And then, with sheer effort and hard work, I began to develop compassion for my imperfectness… And awareness of who I was, the good, the not so good gray areas, and the bad. That’s when I started to really change for the better. That’s when I could look into the mirror finally, and see who I was in the present- not as a powerless 14 year old, and for the first time in my entire life, not as the ghost of my dead twin sister, but me, myself and I. An adult woman who didn’t just survive, but she made it so, because she decided it to be. To be.Even though I am powerless to control other people’s alcohol abuse and drunk driving, and also the fact that my twin died, what I am in control over… is how I heal and my own empowerment. I am in control over what I am going to DO about it.You see, many people never reach this level of healing and awareness. I am so incredibly lucky to have known the people that I met during my life. The teachers, social workers, and therapists. Sometimes even strangers. Looking back, I can see that not only did I attempt to do brave things involving healing, but equally importantly, I also was in close proximity with some specific, important people who knew how to help me in specific, concrete and focused ways. It all started when I reached out and made the decision. It all started when I made the phone calls, and went to the therapy office. It started when I opened up about my feelings, even the ones I didn’t like. It started when I realized that the pain of not growing was much more worse and dangerous than the pain of growing and healing, which can be good and is natural, even if it’s scary and painful.Often, people who experience adversity become adverse themselves- they can become alcoholics, hard drug users, commit suicide, be murderers, even rapists. People who are in pain often inflict pain upon themselves and others. This was the case of the two men who killed my twin sister. The drunk driver’s dad shot and killed his mother right in front of him when he was a young child.Even though I’m not perfect and still deal with my own issues, I have to admit I will never give up on myself, because I’m the only person I have, if you really think about it. It’s not the adversity that defines us. It’s how we decide to heal during this adversity that affects everything, from ourselves first, to the people around us and the outcomes of all of that energy.I like to dedicate my efforts to use music to help those in need. Because yes, music saves lives, but that’s a topic for another post ;)You want to know how to ‘change the world’ for the better? First you must do the hardest thing ever imaginable: You must look into the mirror and see yourself and everything that you are. And you must accept and love yourself.Twinless Twins Support GroupHomeEYE MOVEMENT DESENSITIZATION AND REPROCESSING THERAPY