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Many are telling you to get another Therapist, I don’t agree with this. over the almost two decades of massaging people, my take on it is this:“What happens on the table, stays on the table.”Yes, I kinda changed that Vegas saying, but it’s true in a sense.As a Massage Therapist, this 25 year old doesn’t know you have a crush on him and it should stay that way. This is your time, your enjoyment, as long as you DO NOT lead him on, you are fine.If you try to manipulate him into having a sexual fling with you, a fantasy of being slammed endlessly on his table, you’re going to ruin his moral compass. He’s been trained to deal with those who are attracted to him, but he’s also been trained to “turn off” any feelings that may unleash towards a client. This is vital to his growth as a therapist and helping others. Don’t take that from him.What’s the worst scenario that can happen?you are titled as the woman who left her older husband for a young Massage Therapist…aka, the Pool boy. This never works out in the end. As you get older, he only ripens, still doing massage and having others wanting him. The chance of him copulating with others is HIGH. But it’s your fault because you let him conquer you and he will go on thinking this is a thing with all clients, loosing his first objective to help people.He’ll end up resenting you as you’ll end up being paranoid that he’s having sex with others…and why wouldn’t you think this..you did it!You’ll be sacrificing something in your life (your marriage) because you were missing something that was probably never taught, but can still be learned with your husband.You can have a crush on him, but don’t let it be known to him. That’s the danger, the danger that could destroy you when he tells you to never come back, tells other Therapist that you are a stalker (this is what we call males and females who think we are here for their sexual enjoyment) and no one will want to massage you again. And if you find someone who will satisfy your lust for tactile stimulation, they will never respect you.That’s all it is…a lust.You see, from my point of view, you aren’t seeing the picture clearly. Yes, your Therapist touches you in places that your husband never even thinks about, IF your husband even touches you anymore. I know, it hurts to hear that, but it can happen to all of us. A massage therapist touches you in cracks and crannies that would never come up in an intimate session with anyone. This can stimulate you in the wildest ways, if you are not trained to deal with the moment. Massage Therapist are. So when a Massage is given from another therapist, we don’t even think of sex. We fall asleep, we snore…sometimes we are so relaxed….we fart. It happens. Sometimes our penis gets erect or nipples are rock hard when we turn over. We know this and when it’s evident by the semi rising sheet, we don’t panic. We just say to our peer, “sorry, do you have a towel, that leg movement must have gotten my blood rushing.” There is a laugh and then the town is applied. The erection goes away. The Therapist knows we did not get aroused, especially when we were asleep, its just a natural occurrence.All of us (Therapist) have had that crush and it’s always a test. I became a Massage Therapist at 31, this kid is 25, he might not even know what lust is. I like to say when they are this young, no matter what sexual adventures they have had, they’re testicles haven’t dropped yet. They don’t know what the world of love, lust or sex really is.You’ve come to get a massage, at first it was for relaxation. Then you saw him and the way he looked and touched you, it brought out an attraction you might not have felt in a long while. Something your husband has forgotten to represent in your relationship. This is why Doctor are so weary of becoming close to their clients. They are not trained to get close like a Massage Therapist.If you go to this link and read some of these Massage Therapist experiences with people who “MAY” have been attracted to them, you’ll get a handle on what we can handle. One young lady talks about her client who just threw sheets and clothes on the floor, totally disrespecting her circle of comfort, but she persisted and still gave him massages. He treated the session as if it was a nude camp, never assuming that maybe she didn’t want to see her anatomical branch.What awkward or embarrassing situations, as a massage therapist, has a client put you in?But did she panic? Never. She did her job and never put herself in a position for him to react in a negative and lustful way, penetrating that trust between client and therapist. Do I believe he wanted to puncture that bubble…of course I do. I am sure he fantasized about the day she’d just jump on him. That’s why they do it. It has nothing to do with their freedoms, but instead destroying the freedom of the Massage Therapist. The ultimate fantasy.Fantasy…that’s the word. This is what’s going on with you.Sir William Osler once remarked that “taking a lady’s hand gives her confidence in her physician” and, indeed, taking almost anyone’s hand under conditions of stress is likely to exert a soothing effect, and by reducing anxiety give both the receiver and giver a feeling of greater securityTouching: The Human Significance of the Skin, Ashley Montagu.This is what’s happening. You are being given a sense of security, or protection. This moment makes you relaxed. It makes you feel wanted, and it gives the Therapist a relieve also…that he is helping you.I recommend you read the book I quoted above, it will give you a lot of understanding of what we do. Unfortunately 99% of Massage Therapist have not read this book, though it’s an arsenal of information to them on touch. Montagu goes on to say:FEELING AND TOUCH. Both truth and communication begin with a simple gesture: Touch, the authentic voice of feeling. The loving touch, like music, often utters the things that cannot be spoken-nothing need be said, for everything is understood. Feelings often have a tangible quality, and this is often expressed in our language, as when we say, “I felt the words were like a caress,” “This material feels good,” It was a severe blow to his esteem,” and so on. Indeed, common synonyms for “touch” are “feel” and “contact.” Emotion, feeling, affect, and touch are scarcely separable for one another. Emotions, even when not endured by touch, frequently have a tactile quality about them. As commonly understood, feeling refers to the sensations arising spontaneously within the organism as a whole. One feels well or not. The state is an affective one. The larger part of what we call feeling appears to be made up of perceptions of complex blends or tactile components drawn mainly from the skin, but also from also from joint, muscle and visceral senses.”Think about dolphins and their magnetism to humans….or even whales. Skin is universal, just as music and math.You are missing something in your life and you want it badly, but your therapist is not the person who should give back this void, it’s your husband.NOW….What you receive within your own self as you lay on the table is between you and you. The therapist is not apart of that journey. You must learn to absorb what is needed, what is being given and transform that within. Platonic to you and you only. He doesnt’ need to participate in your release. When you exhale from the pressure, he doesn’t join in, but it tells him, you are relaxing.I always felt sorry for fellow students, young, curious and virgins. Many who probably had issues with looking at themselves in the mirror. This world brings on illusions of grandeur and people believe it. Can you imagine never kissing a male or female, nevery experiencing sex, but now you’ve enrolled into Massage School where you’re touching people who you will never have any kind of sexual relationship. I alway thought that was a harsh reality to take in. Some of these students were taken advantage of by faculty during their studies. Massage is complex though out the profession, but it doesn’t have to be this way. It has taken on that crazy taboo, that we are the relievers of not only stress, but sexual frustration, loneliness and despair.Montagu goes on to site the world of Pyschotherapy. Read this and see how it’s shaped the way doctors perceive our profession and possibly you mistakenly have also:TOUCH IN PSYCHOTHERAPY. There has been a taboo on touching the client or patient in psychotherapy. Of American psychoanalysts, as Dr. Karl Menninger unequivocally phrased it, “transgression of the rule against physical contact constitute…evidence of the incompetence or criminal ruthlessness of the analyst.”The psychoanalytic taboo against touching originated with Freud. It was his view that the therapist should not intervene between himself and the patient but remain completely objective, neither stimulating nor adding anything of himself to the patient. The therapist was to remain invisible to the patient, hence he was enjoined to sit behind the patient’s couch. Many psychoanalyst still observe these practices. But as Dr. Bertram R. Former has put it, ‘Verbal contact alone leaves on in a limbo of isolation from ones’ own body and from others persons.” As a psychotherapist who believes that the inescapable need for skin contact is psychologically more crucial than hunger for food. Former strongly urges the use of touching, in informed and skillful hands, in the psychotherapeutic situation. Former points out that personal intergrity respresents a continual search for an intake of social nourishment through close relationships, including tactual experience and its reverberations throughout struggling with internalized parents in the form of an oppressive conscience which they needed originally to give them psychological structure. One potential function of the therapist is to become more appetizing or precious to the client than the internal parent have been.”The appropriate contact tells the client a good deal more about the therapist emotional reslationsip to him, and what he may expect, than purely verbal comments. The therapist’s touching is reassuring and at the same time serves to produce a dissolution of the client’s fears and unhappy expectation, and thus demonstrates the client’s own resistance to human relationships.His emotional response may surprise him into recognition of deep longings. He can then be helped to recognize that his oppressive conscience and the roles that he has played to het along with it have limited his freedom to give and obtain from others. Thus, taking the therapist inside is an antidote to the destructive residuals of early relationships and open the closed system of the person to new interpersonal experiences.The promoted reaction to being touched gently at critical periods is the feeeling of body relaxation and reassurance one is not alone. That old feelings of unworthiness are not justified. If he is still caught in an unresolved fusion with a destructive parent, contact may at first be rebuffed as a threat or annihilation to the self. Such persons may be literally out of contact and have an enormous need for contact.“Touching, “ Dr. Forer concludes, “makes for mutuality and is part of the process of testing whether one dares to become or will be permitted to become an equal.” The touching involved is that in which the patient of client touches the therapist, as well as the therapist’s touching of the person who has sought his help. nevertheless, to this day psychoanalysts in the English-speaking world at least desist from so much as shaking hands at the beginning and end of each hour. The reasons given for this prohibition is that it would be introducing into the analytic situation an unnecessary and hence unwelcome psychic stimulus, a stimulus which migh be disadvantageous to the course of the analysis. The analyst’s interest must be in the determinant of the patient’s thoughts and behavior. Whatever the analyst says or does, it is held should be subordinated to that attitude.Why touching between patient and therapist should constitute a barrier to an understanding of the patient’s thoughts and behavior is difficult to understand. Freud felt that such behavior might easily lead to eroticism or some sort and in this way to complete collapse of the analytic therapy. There have been some abuses of this kind, but the responsible therapist wil remain responsible. Both client and therapist are presented with problems throughout the experience of soothing reassurance which is integrative, passing into an excited erotic or sensual experience which may at first appear to be disintegrative. Shame or guilt resolved by self-alienation and turning off of body acceptance probably followed developmentally upon this transition from reassurance to sensual or erotic feelings. Forer puts it significance for both therapist and client very well:This erotic psychosomatic arousal and the fantasies associated with it are crucial therapeutic raw material, but they are all major source of the disrepute into which contact has fallen. Such feeling have fostered ethical controls lest the therapist loses his perspective about his responsibilities. Some therapist themselves may experience erotic feelings and become upset out of their own unresolved shame or guilt. If they need to defend themselves against such awareness, they are likely to be rejecting and confirm their patients’ own convictions that words are good and touch is always erotic or destructive and bad. both therapist and client need to learn tolerance for their own excitement and realize that fantasies need not lead to action. Thus the therapist’s nonerotic touch may break throw the client’s defense and help him to separate and tolerate the two kinds of experiences.Drs. Arthur Burton and A. G. Heller, while agreeing with the general psychoanalytic view point that with rare exceptions the patient need not be touched, also conclude that is it a probably valid generalization that most psychotherapist at the unconscious level dislike their own bodies. This, together with legalistic definitions of touching behavior, they feel, make it extremely difficult to be free and sponstaneous in this area of treatment.The answer to such a view may perhaps be that such psychotherapist are not the PROPER people to treaty those who are psycholologically troubled, that nonswimmers should not act as lifeguardsBartender and Lewis not that the quality of the therapist’s touch can be critical to the patient-therapist relationship.The quality of the touch from the therapist can be crititcal…..Now I typed all of that for you, but also for any Massage Therapist out there who has always wondered or struggled with therapist/client relationship. It’s evident there are therapist, students, instructors, owners who can’t seem not to interject fantasy into massage. It will never end, because people are only human and most Massage Therapist don’t make it past 7 years (I added 2 years to that) in the occupation. It’s not enough time to really learn what you are truly doing.Where in the above case the chapter from the book spoke of psychotherapy, in the end, it’s all the same. We as Massage Therapist are in more danger than they, because we touch and the touch goes on for a long length. A session with Freud may be 50 minutes but it’s void of touch and the session ends with the person leaving after expired time, usually I completed and unchanged, but coming back for more sessions. massage always changes because the interaction is deeper and closer, your body FEELS and it begins to change, effecting all sections superficially and internally.But we are as Freud…We are professionals.Remember this as you have this crush. You could have a crush on your psychotherapist also, but you don’t dare tell them. Why? Because it would be unprofessional to the event taking place.Just because you are naked under the sheet, there is no difference.So respect this 25 year old, let him know you respect, cherish and most of all, you trust him.Isn’t that enough?Meanwhile, if your marriage is salvageable, please talk your husband into taking a couples massage course with you. This way, he will learn what you have needed. You’ll massage him and he’ll love it, the best part about this kind of massage, it’s between spouses and has no moral or ethical code. What you do to each other is yours and yours alone. He’ll learn to touch you pass the limitations that your 25 year old Therapist is sanctioned from, but he’ll never be able to give you the professional massage your Therapist can fulfill.In the end, you get the best of both worlds.I don’t know if your marriage is in that place of repair, but don’t break your trust with your Massage Therapist.I hope all goes well.