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What comes to mind as I move through a dining experience?When you arrive, you're greeted by a doorman, who opens the car door, ladies first. If it's raining, they escort you to the door under a large umbrella.The door is opened for you, and the host(s) say hello immediately rather than looking down at a floor chart. Maybe greeting you by name.There is either someplace to check your coat, or the host helps you off with yours and checks it for you. The host would return it to you when you’re ready to go.The music is subtle, whatever kind it is.Lighting is appropriate. There are fresh flowers and in the evenings, candlelight (with real candles). People look better in candlelight, and a lady feeling pretty creates another luxurious atmosphere.If, God forbid, your table wasn’t ready you’re escorted to the bar for a cocktail. There are no buzzing pagers (nor inappropriate jokes about stuffing it down their pants), no name screaming when your table was finally ready. The host carries the drinks for you to your table. If more than two, the ladies’ drinks are carried. Checks are seamlessly transferred from the bar to the table. You TIP the bartender very subtly.Chairs are pulled out for you, ladies first. When all are seated, then the menus are handed out.Menus might be printed daily, but there is no stickiness, crumbs, or fingerprints on menus that are reused. No pictures on the menu, nor vendor logos. Probably no prices. They probably don’t offer wings.There are utensils for each basic course. The waiter (and they’re waiters, not servers) replaces silverware with each course if the meal choices require a different utensil, usually with a mise en place. Proper underliners are used under soup or dessert bowls, ramekins come on a plate, too. (Ben Maurer) Crumbers are used. There are chargers.No water spots on the silver or glassware. Or windows!(Leroy Binx) God forbid, no crumbs on the floor or seats.Having someone walk you to the restroom rather than pointing across the room.There isn’t a “no problem” to be heard.There is no He or She when addressing someone about someone else. For example, not “She ordered the salmon” but rather “The lady ordered the salmon”. The word “food” is a 4-letter “f” word. (So is “free” and “fair”) It’s “your meal”, “your dinner”, etc. Not “your food”. One doesn’t eat, one dines. You’re not eating with us tonight, you're dining with us tonight. (Sorry - I don’t know the answer to the pronoun issues people are having these days.)Water glasses are never low, and you didn’t have to ask for water in the first place. Water is poured after you’re seated, without a drop being spilled on the tablecloth. Although, the waiter might still ask you if you prefer sparkling or still bottled water.The meal looks beautiful, i.e. no broccoli stems pointing up. (People eat with their eyes) No finger prints on the plates. Protein (main course) is always served at 6:00 on the plate. Ladies first. Period. Meal delivery as well: “And the lady ordered the salmon” as the dish is placed in front of her, coming in from the left. Plates are not handed to the guests. Served from the left, removed from the right. Sometimes, every person is served at the very same time by a group of waiters. It’s called a “drop” (A group of waiters? A “gaggle”? Just kidding!)Black or white napkins, which, if you get up are refolded neatly on your chair.Every time a table is bussed, which is immediately, it looks like it’s never been seated before. Condiments (salt & pepper) full and clean, perfectly placed. Freshly ground pepper is always offered, along with grated cheese where appropriate. The latter either freshly grated into a bowl, served by spoon (rare) or by a little grinder that is silver, not plastic. No one says, “Say when”. Holding up your hand a little, palm down says it all.No catsup or mustard bottles in sight. Ever. (Andre Serafin and Kristin Annexstad) Mustard, catsup, mayonnaise, and horseradish are served in ramekins or tiny bowls with small spoons. They probably don't have steak sauce, although accommodating a guest is paramount, so these days it will probably come in a ramekin, too.Edited 12/10/19 to add: I’ve often enjoyed and taken for granted the service of a Sommelier, whose job it is to create wine lists, pair wine, and make recommendations of wine on or off the written wine list. What I didn’t know, was the rigorous training and testing it takes to become a Sommelier! There are only a few over 200 in the world, so they are a Big Deal.That said, I’ve never known if the Sommelier just came to our table because we were looking at wine, or if their expertise needed to be requested. A glaring hole in my experience, I must say. Any thoughts or “subtle differences” to contribute?A red wine glass for red, a white wine glass for white. Red wine is never oxidized. When a bottle of wine is served, it’s (Steven Michael) decanted or chilled appropriately. The restaurant doesn’t even ask, and they know what and when wine should be decanted. The wine tasting is handled with grace and silence, in the appropriate order. The cork should be placed next to the host (William Tait MacDonald) so the host can make certain the cork is moist and there aren’t any telltale signs the wine has turned. If the table isn’t already set with glasses for that wine selection, the appropriate glasses are set once the wine is approved. (Rachel Bateman) The invisible waiter tops off the wine. The guest never touches the bottle.The port doesn’t have pour spouts in them, nor does good scotch or whiskey. White Zinfandel isn’t a featured wine type. There’s a good chance there is no happy hour.There are no dirty aprons nor shirts on the waiters. No shabby shoes. No crazy hair styles, piercings or tattoos. (Sorry all. That’s life.)When its a mixed gender couple or table, males’ plates are never removed until the females are finished dining.Dessert menus are handed out without asking, coffee, tea, espresso or an after dinner brandy or port is always offered.There are no bus tubs, no stacks of dishes through the dining room, and empty plates are removed IMMEDIATELY directly to the kitchen. Oh. Plates are removed to the kitchen to be boxed. A guest is never, ever, handed a box with a cheery, “Here you go!” The package is always in a nice bag.There is some controversy in the comments over leftovers. Since I am writing this, I’ll say my own feelings agree with Tim Chisell and Mohammad Umair Ansari about waste, portion control and not being served troughs of food, so there really shouldn’t be leftovers. People do take food home (have you never seen a little tin foil swan?) so I added what a restaurant would not do: hand you a big box.When you get your leftovers home, the contents look like a beautiful meal. After all, those are the very last impression of you as a waiter and the restaurant.The check. Reminded to me by my mother. One signs on one’s account. If one must handle a form of payment, it’s normally a card, very subtly put into a check presenter. Not stuck out the top for all to view.Believe it or not, it’s not just bread or rolls before a meal. It’s not valet parking, or sorbet between courses. Those would be obvious attempts, but if other items such as those which come to mind for me aren’t present, it’s nice, but maybe — not always — a wannabe. It could just be a nicer restaurant not trying to be more than a comfortable, more upscale place to dine. But high-end? Add in details such as these and it will elevate a restaurant.So there are a lot more obvious indicators, but what really makes or breaks the difference is quality of the food, the service and presentation. Anticipation of the guest’s needs. Sauces, condiments, appropriate suggestions that might enhance the meal for some, but not for others — just to be sure. The appreciation of the guest.Edited to add: I’ve received so much fun feedback to this answer, I thought I’d incorporate suggestions from commenters. Quora is acting funny (maybe) and not letting me see all the comments, but I’ll be adding them in. Thank you!And, now I read that I, or this answer, is the highest read in the restaurant category. Interesting to me that something I began almost wistfully others have enjoyed. So thank you and thanks for participating!

If you like to mock the small portions sometimes found on fine tables, you may wish to reconsider — you’ll probably eat more than you think.This misconception regarding small portions looms large over everything else.Again and again, I’ve heard people joke about the portion sizes found in elegant eateries. I’ve seen posts on social media where someone out for a celebratory dinner shoots a photo of a classically-plated entrée, mocking the graceful empty plate space on Instagram or Facebook before he’s — yes, it’s almost always a male — even tasted his main course.Now, let me be clear: I am a big guy with big tastes and I like big portions — I like to eat so much I’ve gotten fat. Like most people, I want good value for my money. At a chain restaurant like Claim Jumper, Applebee’s or Outback, many customers are disappointed if their plates aren’t full, even if they weren’t planning on eating everything. I sometimes find myself unhappy if portions aren’t what I was anticipating, too.But my expectations change dramatically if I’m at an exclusive French restaurant. So let this big guy with a big appetite be equally clear on a second point: in the hundreds of times I’ve eaten in refined restaurants with a lot of empty plate space around the main course, I have never left hungry. Not even once.“Huh?” you might ask. “You’re fat, you like to eat, you like a lot of food and yet you don’t mind a tiny entrée at a fancy restaurant? You don’t feel cheated when your main course is ridiculously small?”Yes, that’s exactly right. And here’s why you should maybe change your thinking when you decide to do a little fine dining.Let’s think in terms of courses for a moment. At a common chain restaurant or diner, Americans have become accustomed to a standard three-course meal but we think of it in terms of one course: that plate with your entrée. We may enjoy a salad, soup or appetizer before and we might choose a dessert afterward but most of our attention is focused on that one big plate. Because of this thinking, that main plate has evolved to become an always-full one. Those optional pre- and post-entrée dishes may or may not be ordered so ultimately, most of our focus falls on the one main course. And if it’s not substantial, we’re disappointed. American dining has essentially become a one-course affair with perhaps one or two add-ons we don’t really consider.In a fine French restaurant, we’ll find things markedly different. Our meal will likely be built around at least a five-course structure so portions will necessarily be smaller. Maybe even more importantly, the leisurely way we’ll meander from course to course allows generous time to enjoy our food — and we’ll almost certainly feel satisfied sooner.We’ll start with an apéritif, an alcohol beverage which will gently stimulate our appetite. We might choose a light white wine, maybe champagne or even a dry martini. This beverage relaxes us, gets us expectant and prepares our palate for the delights to come.Next, a charcuterie board will be delivered — sliced cured meats, rillettes or pâté, canapé or crostini (like a hard, toasted baguette to enjoy, topped), tiny pickles, mustard, maybe even some nuts or olives. Charcuterie boards take several forms so you may find a different theme, created to complement your next courses.Soup or possibly a salad will follow. Perhaps you’ll instead choose a small treat like escargots or vegetable tarts. (See “A few notes on French dining…” below. I encourage you to ask questions and listen to the recommendations of your server and your sommelier. You’re enjoying nuanced cuisine, prepared by a skilled kitchen, using prized ingredients — the people serving you will be familiar with the choices offered and can recommend options to perfectly pair. At houses like this, the staff has sampled the menu and tasted the wine so they can suggest from both skill and experience.)A little more wine is next, then comes the plate inspiring this column. As in any eatery, your entrée is the high point of the meal, but here the focus will be on quality, not quantity. Remember, you’re enjoying numerous courses so your main dish will naturally be somewhat smaller than an overloaded plate at a chain restaurant. A perennial French favorite for me is confit de canard, or bluntly, duck cooked in its own fat. It will be served with sauce and is often accompanied by a simple potato.Once you’ve polished off your laughably small entrée, you’ve got plenty of room for more, right? Good — the cheese plate will be next. (That was sarcasm, in case you missed it — by this time, you’re going to feel much more sated than you imagined.) Assorted cheeses will be served, ranging from soft to hard, from mild to flavor-intense. You’re well-advised to enjoy them with a sweet-ish wine.You may elect to skip the cheese but you’d be a fool to decline both cheese and dessert. Something light like a crème brûlée or a crème caramel might be perfect. Of course, I usually follow it up with a digestif — ordinarily, I prefer some form of brandy and I might even order a coffee afterward.So let’s review. A pre-dinner cocktail, one appetizer, another appetizer, a main dish, bread and wine throughout, cheese plate, dessert and a post-dinner brandy and coffee. That’s a lot of food. By the time my entrée is placed in front of me, I’m not all that concerned about its size.Like I declared earlier, I have never finished dinner at a fine French restaurant — the ones with all the empty plate space around the entrée — and departed with my belly less than full. By the time I’m done, I’m reflecting on the magnificence of my dinner and marveling at my satisfaction with life. That’s what an excellent French meal will inspire. Like me — a fat guy with a big appetite — you’ll have forgotten all about portion sizes.A few notes on French dining…Unfamiliar with French dining? Although fine dining has a reputation for stuffiness, things have relaxed in recent years. And in laid-back areas like the U.S. Pacific Northwest, French dining is marked by a characteristic easygoing attitude and an affinity for using local ingredients to elevate even a classic discipline like la cuisine française.Don’t worry if you don’t speak French or you’re unsure about a particular dish — you’re not alone. Your server won’t hold it against you. After all, restaurant staff had to learn it all, too, and they’ll be happy to help you. Common sense and the good manners you already use on special occasions will go a long way.If you’re offered sorbet or another option for cleansing your palate between courses, take it — there’s a reason it’s being suggested. A refreshed palate is primed to enjoy the subtleties of the next dish.A little frightened of escargots? Snails don’t have a bold flavor so they’re often served with butter, garlic and parsley — and sometimes with a light pastry cap. At risk of gravely oversimplifying, the texture lies somewhere between a tender shrimp and a firm mushroom. Skillfully prepared escargots are an exercise in nuance and a remarkable dish — you’ll wonder why you waited so long to try them.Don’t be ashamed to ask about wine — most people are only nominally familiar with a properly curated wine list. Even if you’re fluent in wine, the staff will likely have fitting suggestions not immediately obvious. A sommelier is put to better use making recommendations, offering explanations or answering questions than simply pouring.It’s not a bad idea to explore any restaurant’s website if you haven’t yet visited in person. You’ll be able to view the menu and learn details like price and dress code, if there is one.Altogether, French cuisine is all about celebrating life — and it’s way too delicious to avoid just because you’re worried about not knowing everything or about violating some rule. Give it a chance. Odds are, you’ll find a lot less reason for worry than you think.(Please note: this essay was largely intended for U.S. residents who are unfamiliar with fine dining. A version of this piece appeared in the November 2019 edition of a regional food and beverage magazine with which I am associated. This version includes several edits to cover points I inadvertently omitted in the original piece.)Non-alcohol beverage options are discussed here.Photo credit: Mimi Thorisson, Médoc, France.

There are lots of surviving first-hand accounts of the Battle of Agincourt between England and France in October of 1415. Henry V of England was kin to the King of France when he died and felt like he had claim to the French Crown.Summer of 1415 he crossed the channel to press his claims in France. By October his smaller army was weakened by hunger and disease so he was pushing for the port at Calais so he could make it back to England. A much larger French army cut off his retreat near the village of Agincourt.Henry’s army only numbered 5 or 6 thousand men of which only about a thousand were armored knights and men at arms who were on foot. The balance were made up of longbowmen armed with bodkin arrows that are said to have been able to penetrate plate armor at 300 yards. They also carried large wooden mallets for pounding in small forests of 5 foot stakes that protected them from cavalry charges.The French army was made up of the crown of French nobility. There were 20,000 mounted knights, 10,000 dismounted knights and men at arms and around 3,000 crossbowmen.The battle was fought in a muddy field hemmed in by dense woods on either side.The armies formed up about 1,000 yards from one another at opposite ends of the muddy defile.The French commander, was in no hurry to attack so he waited for the last elements of the army to arrive on the field.Henry knew time was against him as the French were only gaining more men and the heat was going out of his badly outnumbered men’s blood.Henry ordered his army to advance some 300 yards through the knee-deep mud with their burden of both weapons and armor.Impetuous French noblemen got their dander up and formed up to charge the English. Henry formed his army with his infantry in the middle with longbowmen on the flanks. The longbowmen quickly threw up a hedgehog of defensive stakes that were concealed by their ranks.20,000 French knights charged directly at the 5,000 Englishmen as the dismounted French Infantry began to slog towards the enemy.Henry’s archers sent cloud after cloud of arrows at the French knights, killing many and wounding hundreds more. Worse, most of their horses were hit by arrows which caused them to panic. The French knights who made it to the English lines were either impaled or their horses impaled on the stakes while others faltered and milled around under a shower of English arrows before stampeding pell mell over their own men back to the safety of the rear.So imagine if you can the queer sound of arrows whizzing all about as 20,000 horses are thundering across the battlefield as 20,000 throats issue a lusty battle cry. Now try to imagine the screams of men being punctured by arrows and the frantic neighing of horses who are enduring the same; only they don’t understand why.The dismounted French were exhausted by the time they made it to the English lines after having been run over by their retreating knights and enduring a rain of arrows. They tended to concentrate towards the center where the English king and his knights were. The dismounted French knights, still confident of victory, intended to capture as many English nobles as they could to hold for ransom which was the custom in medieval times. Also, the French knights were not interested in fighting the archers in close combat because they were viewed as social inferiors.Exhausted, the French knights began taking high numbers of casualties. Soon French bodies piled up 4 and 5 deep in some places, forming a wall of corpses that the English used as an ad hoc fortification. By this time, the archers had run out of arrows and began attacking the French infantry in the flank. They would bowl them over and then deliver the coup-de-grace with their big wooden mallets.So imagine a wall of bodies pile up along the English line, wait…the fallen are not dying right away . Imagine being wounded by any number of medieval melee weapons and going down in the soup of mud, blood, intestinal fluids and terror-piss and having other men going down on top of you, driving you down further into the muck.The French were too exhausted to retreat back through hundreds of yards of mud so they began surrendering in droves. They were disarmed and put into groups to be ransomed later. As the battle was winding down, an incursion of French peasants, led by their local lord had slipped around the rear of Henry’s army and were raiding the English baggage train. Henry, fearful of his prisoners rising up and rejoining the battle, ordered his army to start killing them. The knights refused their king’s order for several reasons. First, it violated the chivalric code they had sworn to uphold and because it’s difficult get ransom for dead men.Henry’s archers were commoners and had no such reservations so they cheerfully began killing the French and looting their bodies. Once the raid on the baggage train had been turned back and it was clear that he had won the battle, Henry ordered an end to the slaughter.So imagine the field at the end of the battle. Dead and dying horses scattered all over the muddy field. Imagine the wall of dead and dying men where the English had formed up. Imagine their wails and pitiful cries. Imagine the baleful scene as men frantically rummaged through piles of bodies 4 and 5 layers deep as they try to find missing friends before they can drown in the putrid soup of mud and body fluids. Medieval chroniclers tell us that many of the wounded took all night to die as priests made their way across the muddy field to deliver Last Rites to the dying. Accounts tell us that the cries of the dying could be heard in the English camp all that night as they huddled around their fires. The next morning a detail of English archers was sent out to dispatch any French who were still wounded and living on the battlefield.We haven’t even talked about the smells.Cheers