Assessment Task For Stage 6 Preliminary Subject Modern: Fill & Download for Free

Prehistoric MathematicsIf we consider history as a narration of recorded events, we shall have one course laid out for us; but if we look upon it as a relation of incidents which probably happened even before the advent of the human race, then our course would be a different one.[1] When we simply look at this universe, it becomes evident that there is a very specific order and beauty in it which might even force us to say that the universe is created by a mathematician. But when we look towards the history of how mathematics developed as a science, it becomes obvious that it did not take place as its own but rather as a consequence of a number of factors over the course of centuries.In fact, our very attempt to define Mathematics would be encircled with numerous limitations, and these limitations become more and more evident when we change the view to the history of mathematics. Oxford defines mathematics as that “abstract science which investigates deductively the conclusions implicit in the elementary conceptions of spatial and numerical relations”. Then the history of Mathematics cannot, strictly speaking go back to the earliest time.[2][1] Smith, D. E., History of Mathematics Vol I, 1.[2] Smith, D. E., History of Mathematics Vol I, 2.The Very BeginningI think, probably even before the advent of human beings, there were the cosmic figures which are mathematical in nature. It cannot be a bad assumption if we say that animals had an understanding about the mathematical concepts such as form, number and measure. For example, Magpies recognize the size of a number as five or six objects, the chimpanzee knew that five objects were more than four. In fact, this understanding cannot be confined to just numbers alone, but spider recognized both regular polygons and similarity of figures in making a web, and bees follow the laws of maxima and minima while making the hexagonal honeycomb. No being is stupid to fail to perceive that a straight line is the shortest distance between two points.[1]With the advent of human race, the opportunity for mathematics got wider. It appeared in art, the universal language; in religious mysticism, the expression of our efforts to fathom the unfathomable; and, in a less degree, in commerce, war and the needs of the pastoral life. Each of these human interests, but especially decorative art, contributed to an appreciation of geometry; each but especially religious mysticism and commerce, contributed to the development of number; and each lent its aid to the creation of an interest in architecture and in the science of astronomy[2].CountingIn the early efforts, the primitive man began to develop numbers for simple needs like designating the size of his family, the counting of his enemies, or some similar use of small numbers represented all that his meager life demanded of mathematics. In a general way, the use of numbers had a very important impact when language and speech developed. At that time probably the man could count only one by one, The early measures of people corresponded to the habit in using units such as foot, ell, thumb, hand, span, barleycorn, and furlong (furrow long). After some time they lost their real meaning and started to be seen as mere abstract concepts. Then slowly, the radix in number systems developed as a consequence and over the course of time early scales of five, ten and twenty appeared the stage.[3]Geometry and ArtSimple geometric forms were suggested by the plaiting of rushes, the first step in textile art. From this there developed those forms used in clothing, tent cloths, rugs, and drapery which are usually found among primitive peoples. Since the earliest trace of human art that we have thus far found, is seen in representations of animal, these being drawn on bone in the Early Stone Age, one might expect to find such figures not only the case but as in early mural decorations. Later, they became equally prominent in architecture in all parts of the world. They are found on the early monuments of Mexico, on the architectural remains of Peru, on the huts of savage, and on the early buildings of the historic period in various parts of the old world, especially on those devoted to the commemoration of the dead or to the worship of God.[4]The Early pottery of Egypt and Cyprus shows very clearly the progressive stage of geometric ornament, from rude figures involving parallels to more carefully drawn figures in which geometric design plays a more important part and in which such mystic symbols as the swastika is found. Art was preparing the way of Geometry. Later when this turned towards architecture, it was visible in the general structure of temples, of altars and of tombs. A desire to adapt symmetry in architecture is seen in the Indian temples, terraced pyramids of Egypt and Mexico.[5]MysticismThe beginning of an appreciation of the wonders of mathematics is closely connected with the beginning of religious mysticism. Man wondered at the heavens above him; he wondered at life and he wondered even more at death; all was a myster. He likewise wondered at the peculiarities of geometric forms and at the strange properties of such numbers as three and seven, the two primes with his limited number realm that were not connected with his common scales of counting. The mystery of form and the mystery of number he connected with the mystery of the universe about him, the universe in which he felt himself a mere mote in the sunbeam. His sense of wonder at the potency of the sun led him to the orientation of his religious structures; his recognition of pole star led him to consider the fourfold division of his horizon, and to speak of his corners of the earth; and it is not impossible to think that the swastika and the various other cruciform figures of the ancient civilization are a recognition of this tendency.[6]History of MathematicsOver the course of centuries and even millenniums, Mathematics originated as a practical science in order to facilitate computation of the calendar, administration of the harvest, organization of public works, and collection of taxes. The initial emphasis naturally was on practical arithmetic and mensuration. However, a science cultivated for centuries by a special craft, whose task it is not only to apply it but also guard its secrets, develop tendencies toward abstraction. Gradually it will come to be studied for its own sake. Arithmetic evolved into algebra not only because it allowed better practical computations, but also because it was the natural outgrowth of a science cultivated and developed in schools of scribes. For these same reasons, mensuration developed into the beginnings but no more of a theoretical geometry.[7]Egyptian MathematicsMost of our knowledge of Egyptian Mathematics is derived from two mathematical papyri: The Papyrus Rhind, containing 85 problems and the so called Moscow Papyrus, perhaps the older one, containing 25 problems. These problems were already ancient lore when the manuscripts were compiled, but there are minor papyri of much more recent date – even from Roman times – which show no difference in approach. The mathematics they profess is based on a decimal system of numeration with special signs for each higher decimal unit, a system many refer to as the Roman Numeral system. On the basis of this system the Egyptians developed an arithmetic of predominantly additive character, which means that its main tendency was to reduce all multiplication to repeated additions. For instance, multiplication of 13 by a number was obtained by multiplying the number first by 1, then, using successive doubling, by 2, then by 4, then by 8, and finally adding the results of the multiplication by 1,4 and 8 (The components of 13).[8]The most remarkable aspect of Egyptian Arithmetic was its calculus of fractions. All fractions were reduced to sums of so called unit fractions, meaning fractions with 1 as numerator. They were indicated by the number of the denominator with a symbol above. The reduction to unit fractions was made possible by tables, which gave the decomposition fro fractions of the form 2/n the only decomposition necessary because of the dyadic multiplication. The principle underlying in the special reduction to unit fractions is not clear. But this calculus with fractions gave to Egyptian mathematics an elaborate and ponderous character, but despite the handicaps of this work with unit fractions it was practiced for more than thousands of years, not only during the Greek period, but even during the Middle Ages. The decomposition presupposed some mathematical skill, and there exist interesting theories to explain the way in which the Egyptian specialists might have obtained their results.[9]Mesopotamian MathematicsMesopotamian Mathematics reached a far higher level than Egyptian mathematics ever obtained. There we can even detect progress in the course of the centuries. Already the oldest texts, dating back to the third millennium to the latest Sumerian period, show keen computational ability. These texts contain multiplication tables in which a well developed sexagesimal system of numeration was superimposed on an original decimal system; there are cuneiform symbols indicating 1,60,3600 and also 60-1, 60-2. However this was not their most characteristic feature. Whereas the Egyptians indicated each higher unit by a new symbol, the Sumerians used the same symbol but indicated its value by its position. Thus, 1 followed by another 1 meant 61, and 5 followed by 6 followed by 3 (563) meant 5*602+6*60 + 3 = 18363. This position or place value system did not differ essentially from our own system of writing numbers in which the symbol 343 stands for 3*102 + 4*10 + 3. Such a system had enormous advantages for computation, as we can readily see when we try to perform a multiplication in our system and in a system with Roman Numerals. This system developed as a result of a technique of administration dealing with deliver of cattle, grain etc. with arithmetic work of transactions.[10]We can gather from a little bit of these ideas that the uncertainty regarding the value of a vacant place would have been the first indirect allusion to ‘zero’. With respect to what had taken place over the course of centuries, one might say that the invention of a specific symbol of zero could have taken place as a practical logical consequence of the place value system, but it is believed that it was not introduced until the Persian era, only after the technique of computation had reached a considerable perfection.Both the sexagesimal system and the place value system remained in the permanent possession of mankind. Our present division of the hour into 60 minutes and 3600 seconds dates back to the Sumerians, as does our division of the circle into 360 degrees, each degree into 60 minutes and each minute into 60 seconds. There is reason to believe that this choice of 60 rather than 10 as a unit occurred in an attempt to unify systems of measure, although the fact that 60 have many divisors may also have played a role. It is reasonable to suppose that both Hindus and Greeks made its acquaintance on the caravan routes through Babylon; we also have known that the Moslem scholars described it as an Indian invention.[11]Babylonian MathematicsThe next group of cuneiform texts goes back to the First Babylonian Dynasty, when King Hammurabi reigned in Babylon and a Semitic population had subdued the original Sumerians. In these texts we find arithmetic evolved into a well established algebra. Although the Egyptians of this period were only able to solve simple linear equations, the Babylonians of Hammurabi’s days were in full possession of the technique of handling quadratic equations. They solved linear and quadratic equations in two variables and even problems involving cubic and biquadratic equations.[12]The strong arithmetical- algebraic character of this Babylonian mathematics is also apparent from its geometry. As in Egypt, geometry developed from a foundation of practical problems dealing with mensuration, but the geometrical form of the problem was usually only a way of presenting an algebraic question. The texts available to us show that the Babylonian geometry of the Semitic period was in possession of formulas for the areas of simple rectilinear figures and for the volumes of simple solids, although the volume of a truncated pyramid had not yet been found. The so called theorem of Pythagoras was known not only for special cases, but in full generality as a numerical relation between the sides of a right triangle. This led to the discovery of the Pythagorean triplets such as (3, 4, 5), (5, 12, 13) etc. The main characteristic of this geometry was, however, its support of the algebras.[13]The texts of the later period are strongly influenced by the development of Babylonian astronomy, which in those days assumed really scientific traits, characterized by a careful analysis of the different ephemerides, also useful for astrological purposes. Mathematics became even more perfect in its computational technique; algebra tackled problems in equations which even now require considerable numerical skill. There exist computations dating from the Seleucid period which go to seventeen sexagesimal places. Such complicated numerical work was no longer related to problems of taxation or mensuration, but was stimulated by astronomical problems or by pure love of computation. “Oriental Mathematics” was certainly no more purely practical.[14]Impact of Ancient OrientEven the mathematical systems followed by the Egyptians and Mesopotamians did not have a considerable impact over the course of centuries, the Babylonian astronomy of this period influenced Greek astronomy and that Babylonian mathematics influenced computational arithmetic; it is reasonable to assume that through the medium of the Babylonian school of scribes, Greeks science and Hindu science met. The role of Persian and Seleucid Mesopotamia in the spread of ancient and antique astronomy and mathematics is still poorly known, but all available evidence points to the fact that it must have been a considerable one. Medieval Arabic and Hindu science was based not only on the tradition of Alexandrian but also on that of Babylon.[15]Greek MathematicsModern mathematics was born in the atmosphere of Ionian rationalism – the mathematics which not only asked the Oriental question “How”? but also the modern scientific question “why?” The traditional father of Greek mathematics is the merchant Thales of Miletus, who visited Babylon and Egypt in the first half of the sixth century BC and even if his whole figure is legendary, it stands for something eminently real. It symbolizes the circumstances under which the foundations, not only of modern mathematics, but also of modern science and philosophy were established. The early Greek study of mathematics had one main goal: the understanding of man’s place in the universe according to a rational scheme. Mathematics helped to find order in chaos, to arrange ideas in logical chains and to find fundamental principles. It was the most rational of all sciences, and although, there is little doubt that the Greek merchants became acquainted with Oriental Mathematics along their trade routes, they soon discovered that the Orientals had left most of the rationalization undone.[16]Only one complete mathematical fragment of the period till the sophists is extant now and it was written by the Ionian philosopher, Hippocrates of Chios. The fragment represent a high degree of perfection in mathematical reasoning and deals, typically enough, with a curiously impractical but theoretically valuable subject, the little moons or crescents bounded by two or more circular arcs. The work of Hippocrates shows that the Golden age of Greek mathematicians had an ordered system of plane geometry, in which principle of logical deduction is fully accepted. Pythagoras theorem was apparent to them and so was the corresponding inequality of nonrectangular triangles. This is now considered as Euclidean tradition, but in fact, given even a century before the birth of Euclid.[17]Famous mathematicians like Pythagoras, Zeno, and Euclid appeared in the scene and gave their valuable contributions the last one being responsible for the Bible of Mathematics, ‘Elements’. Concepts like ratio, proportion, magnitudes and multiples were often referred to. Later, Archimedes, the greatest mathematician of the Hellenistic period gave invaluable contributions especially in developing the domain of calculating the areas of plane figures and on volumes of solid bodies. His successful axiomatic approach was a revolution. Then it was Appollonius of Perga who wrote a treatise of eight books on Conics, a treatise on ellipse, parabola and hyperbola, introduced as sections a circular one. Then, there was the Coppernicus of antiquity, Aristarchus of Samos who is credited by Archimedes as the first person to say the sun was the centre of planetary motion.[18]The Greeks were the first to make the distinction between “arithmetica”, the science of numbers and “logistics” or practical computation. The conception of real number was still unknown. A line segment therefore, did not always have a length. Geometrical reasoning replaced our work with real numbers. In fact, it is impossible now to assess how the Greek mathematics developed to such lofty heights even without having certain preliminary concepts revealed to them. So, in order to have a better and thorough understanding of the cause, one has to rely on some kind of a new study initiated in terms of understanding the connections between the Greek mathematicians, proficient in geometry and the Babylonian algebra, in order to know the exact framework of the entire relationship between the Greek and the Orient.[19][1] Smith, D. E., History of Mathematics Vol I, 6.[2] Smith, D. E., History of Mathematics Vol I, 8.[3] Smith, D. E., History of Mathematics Vol I, 11-14.[4] Smith, D. E., History of Mathematics Vol I, 15.[5] Smith, D. E., History of Mathematics Vol I, 16-18.[6] Smith, D. E., History of Mathematics Vol I, 16,17.[7] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 20.[8] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 22.[9] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 23.[10] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 27.[11] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 27.[12] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 23.[13] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 28.[14] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 28.[15] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 31.[16] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 38.[17] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 44.[18] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 50.[19] Struk, Dirk, A Concise History of Mathematics, 55.

The BookEverything you needed to know about what narcissist are and doBy Patricia Mayfield01/25/18Chapters1.Narcissistism and the 3 personalities disorders2.What a Narcissist does;3.6 Tactics Narcissists Will Use To Silence You4.How to Get Out5.How to deal with theNarcissus6.This is What Happens When You ‘Discard’ an Abusive Narcissist First7.Questions and Answers on NPD8.From the Male perception on women narc's;Depression in a Narcissist relationshipChapter 1.Narcissistism and the 3 personalities disordersHistory of Narcissitic behaviorThe term originated from Greek mythology, where the young Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.Narcissism is a concept in psychoanalytic theory, which was popularly introduced in Sigmund Freud's essay On Narcissism (1914). The American Psychiatric Associationhas had the classification narcissistic personality disorder in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) since 1968, drawing on the historical concept of megalomania.Narcissism is also considered a social or cultural problem. It is a factor in trait theory used in various self-report inventories of personality such as the Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory.The 3 dark Triassic personality traits that have no curenarcissitis one of the three dark triadic personality traits (the others being psychopathy and Machiavellianism).A psychopathy or psychopath is someone who enjoys killing people, violence or a serial killer.In modern psychology, psychopath and Machiavellians' are two of the dark triad personalities, characterized by a duplicitous interpersonal style, a cynical disregard for morality, and a focus on self-interest and personal gain. Machiavellians' is someone that has no feelings at all.Here I would like to go more into a little bit of what psychopaths are because Narcissist just have one thing different from a psychopath and that is they haven't killed or done violence yet. Or have they? But here is some more info on psychopaths.PsychopathFirst a bit of terminological history, to clear up any confusion about the meanings of “sociopath,” “psychopath,” and related terms. In the early 1800s, doctors who worked with mental patients began to notice that some of their patients who appeared outwardly normal had what they termed a “moral depravity” or “moral insanity,” in that they seemed to possess no sense of ethics or of the rights of other people. The term “psychopath” was first applied to these people around 1900. The term was changed to “sociopath” in the 1930s to emphasize the damage they do to society. Currently researchers have returned to using the term “psychopath.” Some of them use that term to refer to a more serious disorder, linked to genetic traits, producing more dangerous individuals, while continuing to use “sociopath” to refer to less dangerous people who are seen more as products of their environment, including their upbringing. Other researchers make a distinction between “primary psychopaths,” who are thought to be genetically caused, and “secondary psychopaths,” seen as more a product of their environments.The current approach to defining sociopathy and the related concepts is to use a list of criteria. The first such list was developed by Hervey Cleckley (1941), who is known as the first person to describe the condition in detail. Anyone fitting enough of these criteria counts as a psychopath or sociopath. There are several such lists in use. The most commonly used is called the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), developed by Robert Hare and his colleagues. An alternative version was developed in 1996 by Lilienfeld and Andrews, called the Psychopathic Personality Inventory (PPI). The book that psychologists and psychiatrists use to categorize and diagnose mental illness, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, (DSM IV) contains a category for something called “antisocial personality disorder” (APD), while the World Health Organization delineates a similar category it calls "dissocial personality disorder." These are much broader categories than that of psychopathy. The category of psychopath is seen as included within this category but considerably smaller so that only roughly 1 in 5 people with APD is a psychopath (Kiehl and Buckholtz, 2010).If we overlay all of these lists of criteria, we can see them coalescing into the following core set:UncaringThe PCL describes psychopaths as being callous and showing a lack of empathy, traits which the PPI describes as “coldheartedness.” The criteria for dissocial personality disorder include a “callous unconcern for the feelings of others.” There are now several lines of evidence that point to the biological grounding for the uncaring nature of the psychopath. For us, caring is a largely emotion-driven enterprise. The brains of psycopaths have been found to have weak connections among the components of the brain’s emotional systems. These disconnects are responsible for the psychopath’s inability to feel emotions deeply. Psychopaths are also not good at detecting fear in the faces of other people (Blair et al., 2004). The emotion of disgust also plays an important role on our ethical sense. We find certain types of unethical actions disgusting, and this work to keep us from engaging in them and makes us express disapproval of them. But psychopaths have extremely high thresholds for disgust, as measured by their reactions when shown disgusting photos of mutilated faces and when exposed to foul odors.One promising new line of research is based on the recent discovery of a brain network responsible for understandingthe minds of others. Called the default mode network (because it also performs other tasks and is operating most of the time when we are awake) it involves a cluster of several different areas in the brain’s cortex. The first studies have been done on function of this network in psychopaths and as expected there are problems there. Different studies have noted “aberrant functional connectivity” among the parts of the network, along with reduced volume in some of the networks crucial areas.Shallow emotionsPsychopaths, and to a degree, sociopaths, show a lack of emotion, especially the social emotions, such as shame, guilt, and embarrassment. Cleckley said that the psychopaths he came into contact with showed a “general poverty in major affective reactions,” and a “lack of remorse or shame.” The PCL describes psychopaths as “emotionally shallow” and showing a lack of guilt. Psychopaths are notorious for their lack of fear. When normal people are put into an experimental situation where they anticipate that something painful will happen, such as a mild electric shock, or a mildly aversive pressure applied to a limb, a brain network activates. Normal people will also show a clear skin conductance response produced by sweat gland activity. In psychopathic subjects, however, this brain network showed no activity and no skin conductance responses were emitted (Birbaumer et al., 2012).IrresponsibilityAccording to Cleckley psychopaths show unreliability, while the PCL mentions “irresponsibility” and the PPI describes psychopaths as showing “blame externalization,” i.e. they blame others for events that are actually their fault. They may admit blame when forced into a corner, but these admissions are not accompanied by a sense of shame or remorse, and they have no power to change the sociopath’s future behavior.Insincere speechRanging from what the PCL describes as “glibness” and “superficial charm” to Cleckley’s “untruthfulness” and “insincerity,” to outright “pathological lying,” there is a trend toward devaluing speech among psychopaths by inflating and distorting it toward selfish ends. The criteria for APD include “conning others for personal profit or pleasure.” One concerned father of a young sociopathic woman said, “I can't understand the girl, no matter how hard I try. “It's not that she seems bad or exactly that she means to do wrong. She can lie with the straightest face, and after she's found in the most outlandish lies she still seems perfectly easy in her own mind” (Cleckley, 1941, p. 47). This casual use of words may be attributable to what some researchers call a shallow sense of word meaning. Psychopaths do not show a differential brain response to emotional terms over neutral terms that normal people do (Williamson et al., 1991). They also have trouble understanding metaphors and abstract words.OverconfidenceThe PCL describes sociopaths as possessing a “grandiose sense of self worth.” Cleckley speaks frequently of the boastfulness of his patients. Hare (1993) describes an imprisoned sociopath who believed he was a world class swimmer.Narrowing of attentionAccording to Newman and his colleagues the core deficit in psychopathy is a failure of what they call response modulation (Hiatt and Newman, 2006). When normal people engage in a task we are able to alter our activity, or modulate our responses, depending on relevant peripheral information that appears after the task has begun. Psychopaths are specifically deficient in this ability, and according to Newman, this explains the impulsivity of psychopaths, a trait which shows up in several of the lists of criteria, as well as their problems with passive avoidance and with processing emotions.Top-down attention tends to be under voluntary control, whereas bottom-up attention happens involuntarily. But bottom-up attention can temporarily capture top-down attention, as when movement in the periphery of our visual field attracts our attention. Psychopaths have trouble using top-down attention to accomodate information that activates bottom-up attention during a task. In normal people, this process tends to happen automatically. When the hunter is scanning for deer, a rabbit hopping into the periphery of his visual field automatically attracts his attention. Top-down attentional processes monitor the field of attention for conflicts and resolve them. The standard task for assessing this is called the Stroop task, in which the subject must state which color words are printed in. The problem is that the words themselves are conflicting color words, such as “red” printed in blue ink, so the subjects must suppress a strong inclination to read the words. There are now several studies indicating that psychopaths actually perform better than normal people on these tasks perhaps because they are not distracted by the discrepant color (Hiatt et al., 2004; Newman et al., 1997).SelfishnessCleckley spoke of his psychopaths showing a “pathologic egocentricity [and incapacity for love],” which is affirmed in the PPI by its inclusion of egocentricity among its criteria. The PCL also mentions a “parasitic lifestyle.”Inability to plan for the futureCleckley said that his psychopaths showed a “failure to follow any life plan.” According to the PCL, psychopaths have a “lack of realistic long-term goals,” while the PPI describes them as showing a “carefree nonplanness.”ViolenceThe criteria for dissocial personality include, a “very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence.” The criteria for antisocial personality disorder include, "irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults.”Philosophers can play a valuable role here in discerning the consequences of all of these findings for our attempts to build an ethical society. Several questions need addressing. What does the possibility that psychopathy is genetic say about human nature? What steps can we take to “correct” psychopaths and which of these is the most ethical? If it is true that psychopaths have damaged or abnormal brains, can we hold them responsible for what they do? Are there degrees of psychopathy, so that normal people may possess psychopathic traits?Birbaumer, N, Veit, R, Lotze, M, Erb, M, Hermann, C., Grodd, W., and Flor, H. 2005. Deficient fear conditioning in psychopath: a functional magnetic resonance imaging study. Archives of General Psychiatry 62: 799-805.Cleckley, Hervey. 1941. The Mask of Sanity. C. V. Mosby Co.Hiatt KD, Schmitt WA, Newman JP. 2004. Stroop tasks reveal abnormal selective attention among psychopathic offenders. Neuropsychology 18:50–9.Hare, RD. 1993. Without Conscience. Guilford Press: New York, NY.Hiatt KD, Newman JP. 2006. Understanding psychopathy: The cognitive side. In: Patrick CJ, editor. Handbook of Psychopathy. Guilford Press; New York, NY, pp. 334–352.Kiehl, KA., and Buckholtz, JW. 2010. Inside the mind of a psychopath. Scientific American Mind, September/October: 22-29.Lilienfeld SO, Andrews BP. 1996. Development and preliminary validation of a self-report measure of psychopathic personality traits in noncriminal populations. Journal of Personality Assessment 66:488–524.Newman JP, Schmitt WA, Voss WD. 1997. The impact of motivationally neutral cues on psychopathic individuals: Assessing the generality of the response modulation hypothesis. Journal of Abnormal Psychology 106:563–575.Williamson S, Harpur TJ, Hare RD. 1991. Abnormal processing of affective words by psychopaths. Psychophysiology 28(3):How can you identify a narcissist/sociopath/borderline quickly when meeting someone?Elinor Greenberg, Psychologist, Author, Lecturer, and Consultant on Narcissistic DisordersUpdated Oct 5The quickest way to learn about people is to listen to what they choose to talk about, pay attention to how they treat you, and notice anything that strikes you as odd. This method can help you identify people who have one of the more obvious type of personality disorders.One of the easiest personality disorders for a non-mental health professional to learn to recognize is Narcissistic Personality Disorder of the Exhibitionist type. In essence, Exhibitionist Narcissists’ willingness to take center stage in social situations makes it likely that you will see enough of their behavior to form an opinion.By the way, I would never consider this a valid diagnosis, just suggestive.Exhibitionist Narcissistic BehaviorHere are three easy things to pay attention to:Story Telling: Instead of engaging in a back and forth dialogue, Exhibitionist Narcissists tend to monopolize the conversation and tell long stories. They are likely to tell you the exact same stories the next time you meet them without showing any awareness that they have told you these stories before.Grandiosity: Everything they tell you about themselves and their accomplishments paints a picture of how their life, their friends, their children, and everything else they are associated with are perfect, enviable, and special. They present themselves as better and more knowledgeable than everyone else, even when they know little or nothing about the topic.Devaluation: Devaluation is the evil twin of “Grandiosity.” Just as Exhibitionist Narcissists must present themselves as better than everyone else, they always manage to find someone or something to devalue in front of you. “The waiter is an idiot.” “She is too fat.” “He doesn’t know what he is talking about.”Sociopaths: You are unlikely to be able to identify most sociopaths. Externally, they can appear very similar to everyone else.Borderline Personality Disorder: You are also unlikely to be able to recognize a high functioning person with a Borderline Personality Disorder. They have similar issues to their lower functioning “cousins,” but their coping strategies are much better.High Functioning BPD: If I had to point to anything that might make me think “High Functioning Borderline Adaptation,” it would be:Warm: I tend to be drawn to this group because many are so warm and friendly.Instant Intimacy: When people in this group like someone, they tend to bond very quickly—too quickly for how little they actually know about the other person.Open: This group often shares more about their past and their personal problems than most people would on first meetingBorderline people are emotionally volatile because they can't regulate their emotions.Lower Functioning BPD: Everyday life is more of a challenge for this group, as is finding constructive ways to deal with their emotional challenges. This is a very varied group of people, so nothing I say is true of everyone in it. Here are some things that I would be pay attention to:Life Crisis: Are they in the middle of a serious life crisis that they are telling you about? Everyone has crises, but very few non-Borderline individuals will tell someone that they just met about their current one.Interpersonal Intensity: Most of my Borderline clients are trying to repair their childhood wounds through forming very intense one-on-one relationships that reproduce aspects of the early mother and child bond. This means if you are friendly, they may need more from the relationship that you care to provide.Frequent Contact: Their need for an intense relationship can manifest as expecting to see you frequently, calling you daily to talk about their problems, or feeling abandoned and becoming angry if you are not as available as they would likeRemember Borderline people are emotionally volatile because they can't regulate their emotions.Punchline: It is unlikely that you will be able to always recognize someone as having a Personality Disorder, especially without knowing the person well. You can, however, learn to pay more attention to certain behaviors that often signal that people have more than the usual amount of troublesome issues. This will allow you to decide earlier in the relationship whether you want to spend more time in their company.A2AElinor Greenberg, PhD, CGPIn private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.http://www.elinorgreenberg.comChapter 2.What a Narcissist does;They find a supplier or victim, that they use for their housing, money, car. So they have a place to live and Survive. True NPD's put their supplier on a pedestal and love bomb them with attention and affection, while they pretend to be the best person in the world. It's only once they are sure they have hooked their partner that their true narc self starts to shine through. After this phase, discuss happens and then discard.They can't or don't want to feel emotions or empathy and are afraid to get treatment for their conditionThey do everything they can to not think about their feelings or numb themselves I.E. Always have music or tv on. Or use drugs or alcohol to numb their thoughts so they don't have to feel. They are also mean drunks. True Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality where they have fits of rage where they let all that anger out. This is what makes them mean drunks. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage. Which called narcissist abuse.They don't really know how to love,or like people but expect everyone to love them. Relationships to them are like buying a new coat. They picked it out and use it, but after a while it gets old and they get bored with it. So they discard it away. They never loved it. When you love something, you don't ever get rid of it. It doesn't become disposable.They always blame, shame or devalue other people for all their problems because it makes them feel better about themselves.They're very good liers, and have no empathy for others especially their ex mate. Whom they always shift the blame of the failed relationship onto.Discard is one of the last phases of the narcissistic abuse; where it happens all over again with the next supplier because they aren't willing to get treatment for Themselves.Their relationships usually have 5 phases1.Finding the Supplier or victim2.Love bombing3.Devaluation4.Disintegration5.Starting it all over again with a new supplierPeople with Narcissistic Personality Disorder lack:1. “Whole Object Relations” and “Object Constancy. Meaning, people are either all good or all bad, especially people they once said they loved.2. Emotional empathy.3. A sense of proportion.4. Timing. Example: they cause troubles on your birthday, Mother's Day ECT.They have;*Jekyll and Hyde personally's* Grandiosity* Devaluation* Story Telling*ProjectionThere are 4 types of Narc'sConvertsOvert'sMalignantsExhibitionistConvert narcissists are great to everyone they know and pretend as if they are great guys! But they act horrible to the person closest to them, usually their wives, family or victim they've chosen.Overt' are mean to everyone, all the time and don't care about anyone except themselves.Malignants are both convert and overt.Exhibitionist Narcissists tend to monopolize conversations and tell long stories. Plus take over classroom discussion. They also must present themselves as better than everyone else.What are the differences between convert and overt Narc's?A covert narc will show the world he is a great guy! But when he comes home to you treat you horrible. He will show you his real self because he knows that's all you know him to be and there's no kidding you or playing you. He will abuse behind close doors and then pretend he didn't do a thing to you, he will drive you insane if you let him. He may drink alcohol and do drugs behind closed doors. And turn into Mr. Hyde a monster! But as soon as he goes out the doors he turns back into Dr. Jeckel. A fine outstanding citizen.A Overt Narc I believe can happen because if s couple of deferent ways.if you have exposed the convert Narc openly and force the world to see them for who they really are. I did this to my ex Narc husband, while he would be yelling and screaming at me behind closed doors I would dial 911 and just let 911 listen to his abuse of me. No, he never said ever one time he was sorry. But yes, they did come and Gaul him off to jail. Then he became a overt Narc.He started openly abusing me when ever, where ever he could. Blaming me for him being a drug addict, a alcoholic, anything he could. It got unbearable. He was not going to take any responsibility for any thing he did. He still tried to get people to rally on his side. When ever he could. He made me look like I was the bad guy, why? Because I would throw away all his booze or all his pills! Wasn't I a awful person. I had gay guys calling me up cussing me out from the people he met in rehab. I asked these guys why they were doing that? Well they were going to take him away from me. Ok I said go for it. lolSo at the same time a overt and a convert Narc can be one in the same. Or not.Do narcissists suffer from anxiety?Mine said he suffered anxiety to every Doctor he came across but it was just a poly to get drugs from the Doctors that he didn't need and I knew didn't work for him. He'd take it at night around 6:00 go to sleep for 2 hours and then be up on a rampage the rest of the night! That isn't normal! Narcissist like alcoholics and drug addicts don't need drugs and alcohol!!! They need to abstain from drugs and alcohol altogether!!! I can't make this clear enough for everyone concerned !!!Please! Please! Please! All you Doctors out there! Do not give Narcissist drugs!!! They can't take drugs! Except for antidepressants! All other forms of drugs make narcissist go berserk! They will try to manipulate you! control you! harass you! do anything they can to get drugs out of you!! but don't give them drugs!!! Except for anti depressants!!! Because it puts their families at risk!!! Judges should decre that it should be against the law for a narcissist to get drugs or alcohol and that all narcissist shouldn't be allowed to get drugs or alcohol !!!! This should be the law!!!! I don't know why it isn't!!!!Have you ever known anyone that was killed by a drunk driver? That drunk driver was probably a narcissist! If they survived and didn't go to prison why didn't the judge put a judgement on them saying they could no longer be allowed to get drugs or alcohol? They don't!!! But they should!!! Things have got to change!!!Do you know a woman that gets beat up by her drunk husband or boyfriend? Time and time again? That man is probably a narcissist! Why is it that judge didn't put a decre out on that man that he could no longer be allowed to purchase alcohol or get drugs from a doctor? They don't!!! But the judges should!!! Why???All narcissist need laws protecting innocent people from their abuse!!! Why isn't it happening???? Please make it happen!!!!Just for everyones information out there after my divorce, my ex husband took our only car and loaded up all his stuff and drove from Hurricane Utah thru Flagstaff AZ to go to MO. In Flagstaff a police man pulled him over for drunk driving, but because he was on those pills I told you all about and was the reason why I had divorce him. He again had taken too many of them, but when he took the breath analyzer test, he didn't register for alcohol. So the police man put him in jail on a 24 hour hold anyway and impounded our car. When he got out of jail he left the car in impound and took a bus the rest of the way to Joplin MO. After he got to MO, the first day he went home with a woman he'd never met before, and when he got his first disability check he bought a old truck and the first week he had it he wrecked it into a telephone pole. He got his license suspended, and as of today he is still trying to get his license back! He has got a attorney and the judge is probably going to give it to him!Like I said these narcissist guys need to be stopped! They get away with these crimes and slip under the crackes because they know they can!AZ let him go, but he lost our car and he didn't have to pay anything for driving under the influence!In Joplin MO the judge is expected to let him drive again!This isn't the first time he has wrecked a car while driving under the influence! When we first got married he wrecked a truck, in AR he wrecked my car, in FL he wrecked a car. That's 5 vehicles total!!!He is still on pills and drinking! Men enable other men to do this! Men enable men to kill! Yet if a woman did this they'd throw us in jail and throw the key away! This has got to stop!!! How many lives have to end because of compulsive drunk drivers???Chapter 3.What makes Narcissist so dangerousNarcissists are very skilled liars. They're great at spinning a web of lies to keep you hooked.They also explain away their abusive behaviour by manipulating their partner into thinking they can't help it. IE. They were raped as a child, ECT.They never say they’re sorry, never take responsibility for the problems they create.But what is shocking about narcissists is their sheer antipathy for others including their spouses. And when they are done, they will cut you off like you never existed in the first place. Very cold, chilling side that they don’t show until they are ready to end the relationshipYou can't trust a narcissist, so the best thing to do is to break free and never look back.Story Telling: Instead of engaging in a back and forth dialogue, Exhibitionist Narcissists tend to monopolize the conversation and tell long stories.Grandiosity: Everything they tell you about themselves and their accomplishments paints a picture of how their life, their friends, their children, and everything else they are associated with are perfect, enviable, and special. They present themselves as better and more knowledgeable than everyone else, even when in fact, they know little or nothing about the topic.Devaluation: Devaluation is the evil twin of “Grandiosity.” Just as Exhibitionist Narcissists must present themselves as better than everyone else, they always manage to find someone or something to devalue in front of you. Or someone to degrade. “The waiter is an idiot.” “She is too fat.” “He doesn’t know what he is talking about.”They get suppliers that supply them with a place to live, a car or life. They put each supplier on a pedestal until done with them. Then start to devalue them and move on to the next supplier. They never learn to love so they never Learn to stay. Each time they leave, they project the old supplier as a evil villain. And forget all the good that person was to them.Narcissists all follow a similar patternThey Gaslight;Gaslighters might claim that something didn't happen, or that the accuser imagined some elements of the story.Shaming; the narcissists use shame to diminish their victim•ProjectionProjection is the act of taking your own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors and pushing them onto others.•Going around in circles;Going around in circles is a form of arguing where you never get any resolution because the narcissistic is constantly bringing you back to the beginning of the argument where it started.Why does NPD get Demonized?Well I'm sorry if I only demonized NPD and not BPD too. lol For BPD should get demonized just like NPD! But, even though I don't know what the percentages are of how many people with BPD get compared to the people with NPD, I bet that the people with BPD get more help and can control it easier than the people who have NPD. That's why NPD probably gets demonized more so than BPD is that the BPD peoples get the help they need more so than the NPD people's.NPD people don't realize they even have a problem, then they cause so much havoc and sorrow on their families! Also, this hasn't even ever been discussed on any talk shows yet!! Not that I know of! It needs to get out there and talked about so people know about it!!!It needs to get studied more and we need to find out how many people there are in prison that have this, and how much of the population could have this and not even know it. Why is it being kept so secret??? Also, what percent of women have it to men?You know Jesus stated something concerning the last days in Matt. 23:12 "And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold."This is what NPD is and I don't know if there is a Cure for it or not or even if there's a pill that's been invented to make these people better yet? Most pills don't work on these people! I know! Because my ex tried I think every pill out there! He finally ended up on taking just Gabapentin, and barbiturates! Which he would OD on and go crazy on. He told me he wanted to be with his new supplier because she gave him her Xanax and oxycodone.I don't know if there is a pill to cure or help people with NPD, but there are to help people with BPD. So that's why NPD has been demonized. There is no cure for it yet.Chapter 36 Tactics Narcissists Will Use To Silence YouAre you the victim of a narcissist's toxic manipulation? Check out some of their most common approaches to twisting your mind.Who among us can say that they haven't sat in front of a computer screen for hours, playing armchair psychologist while trying to diagnose a friend, lover, family member—or themselves—with some kind of mental illness?As humans, we love to categorize and to pathologize, but while every individual may contain traces of a number of diagnosable personality disorders, this doesn't mean they actually have the disorder.The psychology of narcissism - W. Keith CampbellPersonality disorders exist on a spectrum, and psychiatric professionals define these conditions with characteristics that everyone possesses to different degrees. As such, diagnosis is a difficult process best left to the professionals.That said, it's smart to know how to identify the signs that you're being jerked around by someone with a disorder that blunts their capacity to experience empathy or treat you like a human being—for example, a narcissist.As is the case with other personality disorders, narcissism exists on a spectrum. “At one end of this ‘self-loving’ spectrum is the charismatic leader, who is capable, has friends and family, but whose main vice is his or her inflated sense of self,” says psychologist and certified family law specialistDavid Glass, CFLS, PhD. “At the far other end of the spectrum reside individuals who have been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).”Its not hard to see why any woman wouldn't be attracted to an individual such as a man with a narcissistic personality. When we look deep inside ourselves we're all attracted to people's traits we admire and can learn life lessons from. With myself I cared to much at what other people thought of me. I was always worried about what they thought. I would always put myself down calling myself dumb, thinking I had done something wrong and that person hated me. But my ex didn't give a dam what anyone thought about him. He just didn't care. He taught me I shouldn't either. I soon out grew caring what people thought about me and overcame that problem with his help. Little did I know he didn't care because he was narcissistic. So I think there's good and bad we can learn from narcissism.The only way to win is not to play.“The NPD person is extremely manipulative to the people around him/her, and don’t truly think of these people as ‘humans’ but rather as ‘objects’ that they can move around to meet their needs,” Glass tells Urbo.How do you avoid this type of manipulation? For starters, if you feel like someone is treating you badly, pay attention to that feeling, and to the ways someone may be orchestrating your breakdown.That's easier if you know the tactics that manipulative people use on their friends, family, and colleagues. For example:GaslightingThe term "gaslighting" typically refers to psychological manipulation intended to make someone question their perception of reality.Many cite the 1944 Hollywood film Gaslight, about a husband who chips away at his wife's mental security by repeatedly suggesting that she is imagining things, as the origin of the term.IMDbIn 2017, the Los Angeles Review of Books ran a piece pointing out that the term's origin story often relies on a misunderstanding of the way gaslights operate in the film, and the play on which the film is based—but murky semantics aside, anyone who has been the victim of a narcissist's mind-bending can attest to the reality of this phenomenon, and its effectiveness in calling into question the sense of self.Gaslighters might claim that something didn't happen, or that the accuser imagined some elements of her story. It's an extremely damaging tactic, since it can compel a person to question her sense of reality.To respond to gaslighting, try not to engage. Remain as calm as possible and cultivate an awareness; by understanding what the narcissist is trying to do, you can respond more effectively.Perhaps most importantly, know that you don't have to convince the narcissist or win the argument. Maintain your perspective and give yourself credit; you're not making this up, and your feelings are certainly valid.ShamingThis classic manipulation technique is also one of the most damaging. While the method may seem obvious, it can be quite subtle if carried out by a narcissist whom you trust and adore.The implication is that the narcissist is more mature and has developed beyond the level of the other person.As Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC, points out at Psych Central, there are a number of ways that narcissists use shame to diminish their victims, including speaking style. For example, Hammond lists "baby talk" as one way a narcissist might break you down."In any narcissistic relationship, the narcissist wants to be seen as the adult and the other person as the child," she writes."This belittlement is done in several condescending ways such as literally talking down, calling the other person immature, and saying the other person needs to grow up. The implication is that the narcissist is more mature and has developed beyond the level of the other person."Similarly, the narcissist may "talk over" the other person, using authority to diminish her. Physical posturing can be a part of this process.Don't respond in kind; widening your vocabulary, calling the other person immature, or listing your academic credentials won't strengthen your position with a narcissist.DiversionIt can be frustrating when someone changes the subject in the middle of a conversation, but when a partner does this to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, diversion can be downright dangerous. Narcissists use this tactic to derail conversations that may lead to an unpleasant result.“If the non-narcissistic person ever starts to get close to the core of any argument, or to the core of the narcissist’s deep, true lack of self-regard, the narcissist will go into overdrive to “divert” them away from the topic at hand,” says Glass.An example of this would be someone turning the conversation to “crazy/off-track topics, or “escalating” the discussion to something more personal.Instead, insist on keeping the topic of the conversation out in front. Resist the urge to respond to personal attacks; remain calm and focused, and you'll be able to maintain control.TriangulationTo make themselves seem more credible—and to dismiss their partner’s feelings—narcissists may bring another person into the mix in an attempt to "stack the deck" in their favor.They might say, 'Well it’s not only me who thinks this way.'This is an especially insidious technique when the narcissist uses someone you personally trust or admire to diminish you.iStock'They might say, 'Well it’s not only me who thinks this way. Did you know that Mary said the same thing? In fact, she told me that she had reason not to trust you because…' and so on,” Glass tells Urbo.The narcissist may also use a third person who could be a threat to you—an ex-lover, for instance—in an effort to force you into submission. You may feel forced to compete with the third person.ProjectionProjection is the act of taking your own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors and pushing them onto others.For example, a person if they're narcissistic and your arguing with them and you make a comment about something derogatory they will say "Oh now your accusing me of being that??" Or say "Oh great now I'm a ******??" When you didn't mean that at all.Another example; a boyfriend who is highly suspicious of his girlfriend and who repeatedly accuses her of cheating, despite her having given no evidence to support his suspicions, may be projecting his own wandering eye or sexual indiscretions onto his S.O.There are several different kinds of projection—neurotic, complementary, and complimentary. And while most people project on occasion, narcissists frequently employ projection as a means of psychological abuse.This is another way in which the narcissist avoids addressing their own imperfections; rather than taking responsibility for their behaviors, they force their victims to assume that responsibility.Name-CallingSticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you—except when they do. Because they really do! Narcissists have caught onto this fact and will use it to their advantage.Of course, there's something undeniably childish about resorting to name-calling, and that's typically not the approach you would expect from someone who has spent their life refining manipulation tactics.Turns out, though, that this form of belittling is not too low for even the most sophisticated of toxic humans. And, in fact, there is something sophisticated about this tactic; it can be a powerful reminder of past bullying, pulling you back into a fearful, vulnerable mind space that you may have only associated with childhood.A bad nickname affects your self esteem, and studies show that name-calling affects compliance. The narcissist may or may not be aware that he's using this form of manipulation, but the malicious intent is usually clear to everyone (except, perhaps, the victim).Going around in circles;Going around in circles is a form of arguing where you never get any resolution because the are narcissistic is constantly bringing you back to the beginning of the argument where it started. They do this so they will win the argument, because to a narcissistic person a argument isn't about coming to a compromise or working out a problem,it's about winning.What-is-the-best-way-to-put-a-narcissist-in-his-her-place?Ignore them, treat them like a ghost. Hard to believe it works but it really does.But also, the way is by someone, who in the eyes of the person with NPD, can give a good assesment of the situation. Narcs will never let anyone tell them anything. But they will sometimes listen to people they really trust. For example: true narcissist Sam Vaknin heard from many different healthcare professionals that he was a narc. After alot of years he realised that there could be something true about this diagnoses and started to believe it after doing his own research.Narcissists will only listen to others if there is something to gain for them. My ex narcissist (OK: person with NPD traits since he has not been diagnosed) wanted something from his psychologist and she didn’t want to give that to him. He tried very hard to convince her to do so. He stopped trying to convince her when she explained that he would not benefit from it, if she would do so. So he stopped asking.Trying to put someone with NPD / traits of NPD in his/her place by telling they maybe are a narcissist, will not work, if the narc hasn’t asked for your opinion about this. Even if you don’t judge them for it, they will feel judged and hurt. Almost everything you do which was not asked for by the narc will not be appreciated and will be seen as a form of control on them or attack on the narc/ person with NPD traits.If you want to hurt a narcissist you should ignore this person. That way the narc will think that you feel that you are better than the narc and that the narc is not important enough to give a(n) (emotional) response.Chapter 4How to Get OutIf any of these situations are familiar, you might be dealing with a manipulative person. When that person is your partner, you may need to get out of the relationship.That is, of course, easier said than done. Emotional manipulation can be extraordinarily difficult to overcome, and it's much more common than most people know; one 1999 survey showed that 35 percent of women reported emotional abuse from a partner or spouse.However, severe situations require immediate action. Realize that you cannot change or reason with an extreme narcissist, and that any attempts can lead to them working themselves back into your life.If you decide to end a relationship with an extreme narcissist, Glass recommends making a clean break if possible."It’s the exact opposite of how they sell the lottery," he says. "The only way to win is not to play.”Use your support system and don't allow the conversation to continue. Block the narcissist’s number and email address and cut off any communication outlets. While this might seem harsh, it’s the only way to truly keep them out of your life.“You should rely on one or two close friends or family members. Tell them all that the narcissist has been doing to you,” says Glass. “Warn them that the narcissist will likely contact them to try to convince them that you are the person causing the problems.”We should note that the suggestions in this article don't apply to every situation, and severely abusive relationships often need to be handled differently to ensure your safety.If you don’t react properly to the silent treatment by chasing (or if you fail to react properly to any other control tool) the narcissist knows you are slipping out of the net. Their control is weakening. A typical narc will then attempt to implement whatever hooks they can. Old ones, or new ones. It might be emotional… rage or guilt or “love”. It might be money or sex… hell, there are as many different control methods as there are people.My NPD ex told me 14 years before I handed him divorce papers that was the end of sex for our relationship. He knew sex was the reason why we got married, So we could have sex and babies. He knew I needed and treasured his love and sex the most in life. So to show his control the most, he took that away from me. For fourteen years we didn't make love because he said he couldn't. I remember waking up in the middle of the night once and he had a hard on, I woke him up and showed him if he could do that he could have sex. He just argued with me about it all and then denied it.But you can be certain of one thing. With a narc, their aim is always to establish (or re-establish) control. You are inadequate as a supply if you are not at their beck and call.Genuine full blown narcissistic personality disorder is far rarer than people seem to think. Estimates run somewhere around 1 in every 200k people. Contrariwise, many people have narcissistic tendencies, or fall somewhere on the “spectrum”.Narcissistic personality disorder | WikiwandIf you are so unfortunate as to be hooked by the real thing… then I offer you my sincere pity.Remember this, above all. A real narc does not love you! A narcissist has only one love, their infinitely precious and admirable self. A narc doesn’t actually give a tin shit about you! Not in any normal human sense of caring about your happiness or well-being. A narc cares only about your adulation, and controlling you. Using you to supply their needs, on their terms, at their whim.Beware! Even if you willingly accede to all their requirements; give lavish praise on cue, give them luxurious presents and surroundings, adore and flatter them publicly, treat them in all ways as if they actually are as special and superior as they believe themselves to be, do your best to fill the black hole inside of them…Even if you successfully jump thru all hoops to satisfy the narcs needs…beware!If they can do so without too much trouble, a true narc is perfectly content to drop you for another supply, on a whim. They may abandon you merely out of boredom. Or it may be a challenge; netting a prettier or bigger or more elusive fish. In fact, a more attractive or younger or richer supply will be seen as their natural right, a proper accolade to their wonderful self, to be acquired in due course. Discarding you for a “better” supply will give a genuine narcissist no more emotional trauma than throwing away a wrapper after the candy is gone.Hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorderSo again… IF you are involved with the real deal, a full blown NPD… There seems to be a consensus that a true narc rarely (if ever) changes or improves. They see nothing wrong with themselves - quite the contrary! Consequently, they very rarely seek treatment. They have no motivation to change.Sadly, ultimately… there is only one valid solution.If you are not self sufficient, especially if you are financially dependent on the narc, go grey rock till you can establish your own income and living arrangements. Or… prepare to run. Run far and fast. Move to another country, if necessary. At the same time, go full no-contact.Start planning and preparing for this immediately. Like, today. This very minute.Why? What’s the hurry?More like… why not? We covered this, but perhaps it bears repeating. He or she isn’t going to change. Things aren’t ever gonna get better! There’s no point to wasting another precious minute of your one and only life, waiting for improvement that’s never coming.And by the way… for “no contact” to work, you have to know and believe and prepare, deep in your heart and soul, that no contact is forever. NC is not a tactic to get his or her attention. It’s not a way to “improve the relationship”, or get revenge. It’s not a way to feel better about yourself for a couple of years, while waiting for the narc to *realize they always loved you*, or any similar fairytale bullshit.No contact is how it ends.No contact - means NO CONTACT.65.1k Views ·If you or someone you know is encountering abuse, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website or 1-800-799-7233.People downplay abuse in relationships using this simple phrase — here's why it's so damagingLindsay DodgsonOct. 23, 2017, 10:28 AM 14,172People often make the mistake of thinking abuse is limited to physical harm.Coercive control is just as damaging, it's just harder to identify because it doesn't leave physical scars.By underplaying the situation, victims are effectively being subjected to insidious psychological abuse.About one in four women and one in six men will experience some sort of domestic abuse in their lifetimes.Thanks to the representation of abusive relationships in film and television, people often think this refers to being hurt physically. However, abuse doesn't always involve someone being violent. In fact, according to Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychology researcher at the University of Massachusetts Amherst and author of "Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship," people underestimate the effects of psychological and emotional abuse, because victims don't have injuries to show.She told Business Insider that one of the most worrying things a person can say when they're in a damaging, toxic relationship is: "but he didn't hit me.""People underestimate the effects of abuse that does not include physical violence. And they often call non-physical abuse 'emotional abuse' which sounds trivial," Fontes said. "The term 'coercive control' does a much better job of including all the many ways a person - usually a man - can control their partner, beyond physical abuse."Just because you don't have bruises doesn't mean you aren't being hurt by your partner. If you end up in a relationship with someone with dark tetrad personality traits - machivalleanism, sadism, narcissism, and psychopathy - they can damage you in a number of insidious ways. But abusive people can be anyone, not just those with something "wrong" with them.Controlling tactics include isolating you from your friends and family, manipulating you into acting exactly how they want you to, gaslighting you, depriving you of things, sexually coercing you, wearing you down, or all of the above. Some people even stalk their partners, because they don't trust them."Nowadays, coercive control often involves a great deal of monitoring through technology, such as monitoring what someone does online through a keystroke logger and tracking their whereabouts through a tracking device on their phone," Fontes said. "Abusers usually have the passwords to all their partners' accounts - somehow they get them."It can be difficult to understand how anyone would let themselves fall into a relationship like this.Abusive people don't act this way at the beginning of the relationships, when they are trying to charm their targets. During the honeymoon period they are often very attentive and affectionate. They might text you all the time and buy you gifts, but soon the mask will start to slip, and their true controlling self will be revealed.This happens more and more over time, but when their true abusive nature is revealed, the victim is already trauma-bonded to the push and pull emotional rollercoaster, and it can feel nearly impossible to pull away. The abuser knows this, and they also know exactly what they can get away with."When people say, 'but he didn't hit me,' what they often mean is that they would leave if they were hit," Fontes said. "Their partners exert control one thousand ways but may stop short of hitting, if they know that would 'break' the relationship."In other words, by making excuses for an abusive partner, you are effectively giving them the control to treat you as badly as they want to. They know there's a line, and as long as they don't cross it, they can manipulate you into pretty much anything.If you find you are compromising on your own needs and beliefs time and time again, it could be a sign of coercive control, and an abusive relationship.One of the signs is an inability to believe you will survive without your partner. If this is the case, to help you gain strength, try and rebuild your relationships with the people you may have been isolated from. You might be surprised to learn they know exactly what your going through.Discard is one of the phase of narcissistic abuse; lovebombing, devaluing, discarding; so I think what you want to ask is what happens when you go no contact with Narcissist. They are not missing you, but they are missing how you made them feel; when you go no contact, they will use other supplies or go hoover you back if they are low on supplies, and if this fails they may succumb to depression associated with low supplies. Normal person does not do discarding.Narcissists like being in control. It's likely they will try to get you back, so they can be in control, and then discard you, so they can feel like they rejected you, rather than the other way around.Or they may want you back because they miss the benefits of having you around. They're very good at manipulating their victims to give them another chance. According to the National Hotline of Domestic Abuse, it takes a victim an average of seven times to get away for good.The Dangerous Traits of a NarcissistAn obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchangesProblems in sustaining satisfying relationshipsA lack of psychological awarenessNo empathyProblems distinguishing the self from others, everything is their entitlement or procession.Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults, which makes the narc project his shame onto the insult giver. Usually the spouse.Vulnerability to shame rather than guiltHaughty body language. Uses their hands a lot in gestures.Flattery or love bombing towards people who admire and affirm them. All good(narcissistic supply)Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse)all badUsing other people without considering the cost of doing so.Pretending to be more important than they actually are. Visions a GrandiosaBragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievementsClaiming to be an "expert" at many thingsInability to view the world from the perspective of other people. Not caring about other peopleDenial of remorse and gratitudeThese criteria have been criticized because they presume a knowledge of intention (for example, the phrase "pretending to be")Behavior is observable, but intention is not. Thus classification requires assumptions which need to be tested before they can be asserted as fact, especially considering multiple explanations could be made as to why a person exhibits these behaviors.Except in the sense of primary narcissism or healthy self-love, narcissism is usually considered a problem in a person's or group's relationships with self and others. Narcissism is not the same as egocentrism, or vanity.I think also, it may run in degrees where the 1st degree is mild, and the person is more vain then narcissist. And I think that's where many people are getting confused by calling someone a narcissist when they really aren't.Hotchkiss' seven deadly sins of narcissismHotchkiss identified what she called the seven deadly sins of narcissism:Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortionand illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other person is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.Narcissistic rageNarcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury, which is a perceived threat to a narcissist's self-esteem or self-worth. Narcissistic injury (or narcissistic scar) is a phrased used by Sigmund Freud in the 1920s; narcissistic wound and narcissistic bloware further, almost interchangeable terms.The term narcissistic rage was coined by Heinz Kohut in 1972.Narcissistic rage occurs on a continuum from instances of aloofness, and expression of mild irritation or annoyance, to serious outbursts, including violent attacks. Narcissistic rage reactions are not limited to personality disorders and may be also seen in catatonic, paranoid delusionand depressive episodes. It has also been suggested that narcissists have two layers of rage. The first layer of rage can be thought of as a constant anger (towards someone else), with the second layer being a self-aimed wrath.Narcissistic abuse is a term that emerged in the late twentieth century, and became more prominent in the early 21st century because of the works of Alice Miller and other Neo-Freudians, rejecting psychoanalysis as being similar to the poisonous pedagogies.Miller used "narcissistic abuse" to refer to a specific form of emotional abuse of children by what she considered narcissistic parents – parents who require the child to give up their own wants and feelings in order to serve the parent's needs for esteem, which constitutes narcissistic abuse. The term has also come to be used more widely to refer to forms of abuse in adult relationships on the part of the narcissist.Self-help culture currently assumes that someone abused by narcissistic parenting as a child likely struggles with codependency issues in adulthood. An adult who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist likely struggles with not knowing what constitutes a "normal" relationship.There are no known cures for narcissistism except going into therapy and talking past traumas out. Anti psychotic's can help if taken correctly.Chapter 5How to deal with theNarcissusDo Narcissist knowthat they are Narcissist?No, they don't realize it at all, they know something is wrong with them and they usually just self medicate themselves.When most people think of a narcissist person the name just doesn't seem to fit. We trend to think of someone that loves themselves right? But just the opposite is true. And because we haveonly hit 10% of the iceberg there's much more to Narcissitism and from I, myself, seeing it first hand and living with a narcissistic person for 36 years and not knowing what to call it, there's much more that needs to be studied concerning it.First of some of my own thoughts about what Narcissistism is:I think true Narcissistism runs in families and is genetic. Because I've seen it do so.I think it is related to adult ADD or ADHD and starts in childhood, but I've seen no pill that can fix it. As of yet.It can be caused by childhood trauma, Family Dynamics, sexual abuse, Alcoholism, and drug abuse, and genitive.Traits like PTSD, ADD, ADHD, Alcoholism and drug abuse goes with it or/and committing adultery.It can also have more than one diagnosis such as being bipolar, schizophrenia and being also a psychopath.New studies show that chronic cannabis use can make narcissistism worst. Study reveals negative long-term effects of heavy cannabis use on brain function and behaviorNew study in Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging looks at the effects of heavy cannabis use on brain function and behaviorYoung people with cannabis dependence have altered brain function that may be the source of emotional disturbances and increased psychosis risk that are associated with cannabis abuse, according to a new study published in Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging. The alterations were most pronounced in people who started using cannabis at a young age. The findings reveal potential negative long-term effects of heavy cannabis use on brain function and behavior, which remain largely unknown despite the drug's wide use and efforts to legalize the substance.The study, by Drs. Peter Manza, Dardo Tomasi, and Nora Volkow of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, Bethesda, Maryland, assessed resting brain activity data from the Human Connectome Project of 441 young adults, and compared a smaller set of 30 people who met criteria for cannabis abuse with 30 controls. People with heavy cannabis use had abnormally high connectivity in brain regions important for reward processing and habit formation. The same regions have also been pegged in the development of psychosis in previous research."These brain imaging data provide a link between changes in brain systems involved in reward and psychopathology and chronic cannabis abuse, suggesting a mechanism by which heavy use of this popular drug may lead to depression and other even more severe forms of mental illness," said Dr. Cameron Carter, Editor of Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging.AdvertisementThe brain alterations were also associated with heightened feelings of negative emotionality, especially alienation, where one feels a sense of hostility or rejection from others. The link points to a potential biological mechanism for why feelings of alienation are often profoundly increased in people with cannabis dependence."Interestingly, the hyperconnectivity was strongest in the individuals who began using cannabis in early adolescence," said Dr. Manza, which lines up with reports of a higher risk of psychiatric problems when cannabis use begins early in life. Adolescence is a critical period of brain development, making early use of cannabis particularly detrimental. According to Dr. Manza, the measurement of resting brain activity is a relatively easy and non-invasive procedure, so the approach could be a useful measure for tracking the development of psychiatric symptoms with cannabis use.How can someone best deal with A Narcissist?You know, there are a lot of screwed up people in the world today. Some problems can be handled and some can't. Unfortunately NPD are one of the 3 personalties Disorders that there are no known cures for. Unless the person goes into years of therapy for and is willing to change. In life your always going to find problem people or people with problems. Why? Because no one is perfect. That's just the way human beings are unfortunately.So wether you've already met a narcissist and are with one and want to get away or your just starting a relationship with one I think you should have the option to one or two things. Because it's not just black and white.If you're already in the relationship with the narcissist ask them for their own good if they're willing to get help. With a certified psychologist that deals in personally disorders, I mean how else are these guys going to get to start getting the help they need unless we John Q. Public start asking them too? At least give them that chance.If they refuse, that is the time you need to tell them they are no longer welcome in your life and you want no further contact with them because they are to broken. The sad thing about this is they are just going to find someone else to go to and use as a source supplier. And also, that is also the time before you tell them that you will have to take precautions to prevent loses on your part from them. Because they will try and take everything they can from you. So empty your bank accounts, transfer your monies, put your documents in your name alone and what you can to protect you. Then find a good lawyer.You know what's really funny about this whole thing is before I met my husband, I knew his wife, and I was just 23 and divorce and she came to me and ask me for advice on how to leave her husband because he was always on drugs. I had never met her husband so I had no idea who he was and I told her the same exact thing. And she did just what I told her and got away. when I met my husband it was on a blind date. I had no idea who he was, he began telling me that his ex wife had taken all his money from his bank account, took off, left him penniless and divorce him. He was in the process of selling his house and he was going to have to spit the money with her. So he was going to be homeless but I had a home so there was no need to worry about that anymore for him we thought. So after just 3 months of dating we got married. It wasn't till 6 months after we got married I realized I had married the same man I had told my friend how to leave!!! Everything went well for the first few years with the love bombing and then the down hill decline started happening. I knew I had made the mistake of my lifetime. I guess I stayed with him for so long because I made the excuse that I couldn't let this happen to another woman, because I knew it would, plus I had kids I needed to raise and I couldn't do it on my own. So I kept a stiff upper lip and endured the misery of it all. It was one big show and he was the star, the mean drunken,fall down,mean pill addict star. Always in jail, always wrecking our cars, never being there for me emotionally. Always causing havoc, turmoil and problems. I always supporting him as a father, in what he did because I didn't know that he was narcissist. Him expecting me to be perfect and shaming me for being so and shaming if I wasn't. Never supporting me. I tried so hard to be a good wife.Finally in the end he was doing his pill thing again. He had gone behind my back to a doctor friend he knew from when he was in the national Guard and gotten some barbiturates and was overdosing on a daily basis on them. He was now 65 years old, Why hadn't he learned anything over the years? He was falling down 10 times a day.He wouldn't for the life of him tell me why he was falling Down and couldn't talk so I put him in a mental health hospital and they told me it was because of barbiturate drug overdose. And they had to use Havoral to cleanse it out of his body. When he got out of the hospital he went straight to his Doctor friend again and got more of the same barbiturates as before and started doing the same thing.December 2016, he had gone down and bought a big bottle of Volka, because I had bought us 2 Christmas gifts. He was angry with me for that but instead of just talking to me about it he had to drink that whole bottle of Volka and turn into Mr Hyde and beat me up. He went to jail and because of that lost our job we had taking care of our grandkids through the state. He wasn't going to stop talking the pills he was on though, when he got out of jail and came home he got right back on his pills again.I tried to take the pills away from him and threw them to my granddaughter and told her to run and throw them away. So she did! Bless her heart! I wasn't counting on Grandpa chasing her Trying to get the pills from her! Scaring her to death! She ended up out running him and managed to get rid of them.I told my husband then, he had to give those pills up, he had already cost me my job with the state taking care of our grandkids because of his actions. He told me he would "NEVER GIVE UP HIS PILLS!" I told him I would have to divorce him if he didn't. But I really wanted to divorce him because he had beaten me up a few weeks earlier.I told him I already had someone else that would give me a job and a place to stay if he wouldn't get off the pills but He kept using. He kept falling. Over the next few days he broke his leg by falling and cut his head open twice. I glued his head shut, and he drove himself to the hospital for his leg. Because I had quit caring,I had enough, I'll show you the photos. So I went down to the public library and got online and went to http://UT.GOVand there you can get a divorce based on your income. It only cost me $20. Dollars Through the Utah courts. I filled out the paper work, it took me about 2 days and Told him about it and showed him it. Hoping it would make him want to change but it didn't.He just called our daughter up in MO and told her Mom was going to divorce him and he was going to be coming back to MO. She didn't really want to care for him so she hooked him up with a lonely widow coworker from work.He signed the divorce papers before he left, we had no problems, he called and talked a lot to the widow. He packed up all his stuff. I got no alimony after 36 years of marriage. He left for MO and on the way there got stopped for driving under the influence because again he had gotten more of those pills and taken too many and got our only car impounded and taken away. Plus all his belongings. He had to take a bus the rest of the way to MO.I had to get a job at 60. Something I never thought I have to do. After a few weeks working I bought a cute little car. And became self sufficient for the first time in my life. I had no kids to take care of and no one to worry about but me. But then my landlord who was 89 years old started giving me problems and I ended up having a nervous breakdown. So I too ended up going back to MO and living with my daughter and here I stay.Discard is one of the phase of narcissistic abuse; lovebombing, devaluing, discarding; so I think what you want to ask is what happens when you go no contact with Narcissist. They are not missing you, but they are missing how you made them feel; when you go no contact, they will use other supplies or go hoover you back if they are low on supplies, and if this fails they may succumb to depression associated with low supplies. Normal person does not do discarding.In the photos below you can see where I glued up his head and he broke his legWhy is breaking up with a narcissist so difficult ?Breaking up with a narcissist can be very difficult. If they aren't finished with you yet, they will plead you to stay. If you are trauma bonded to them, then their begging and false promises may well work.It takes a great deal of strength to walk away because narcissists are such highly-skilled liars. They've been lying their whole lives, both to themselves and to others. They have an inflated sense of ego, which is a cover-up for their low self-esteem, and based on nothing but delusion.Narcissists know exactly what tales to spin to keep you around out of shame or pity. They're so convincing in their lies, they can make their victims feel like they are going crazy.They're also very good at coming up with excuses for their bad behaviour.According to doctor of psychology Perpetua Neo, who works with the victims of narcissistic abuse, somebody who constantly explains away their actions without taking any responsibility may be a narcissist."Some of them say things like: I cannot help it, I've been so damaged, I was raped as a child, I need to drink, snort coke, whatever," Neo told Business Insider. "That's why I do that stupid behaviour, so you have to understand and forgive me. This means you have to absolve two kinds of behaviour - one the drinking or the substance abuse, and two the emotional abuse towards you."The whole point is to make you feel guilty for questioning their motives. For example, Neo says that if any of her clients brought up the fact their narcissistic partner was being unloving, cruel, or was doing something they didn't think was appropriate, they would be met by fierce defence.One of their favourite lines is "I'm so much better now," because victims will often find narcissists claim to have had problems in the past, such as addictions or difficult ex-partners. But it's never themselves.Narcissists all follow a similar pattern"They might say, for instance 'I used to be a sex addict," Neo said. "Or 'I used to be a sex addict and now I'm so much better.' So whenever you see them slip, they will say they couldn't help it."They might also bring up their past, and how much of a hard life they've had. You very rarely meet a narcissist who doesn't claim to have had a difficult upbringing."They say 'I'm only like that because of my past,' or 'because my mother hurt me,' or 'my father is the reason I am who I am,'" Neo said. "They're always one step ahead of you."Narcissists are also furious if you don't appreciate the tiny things they have apparently done. They expect praise for simply being a decent human being, and are insulted if they aren't congratulated at every turn. My narcissist husband use to tell me when we first got married " I can go a lot further for you on At'ta' boys then ah shit boys." The reality, he just wanted to make sure I praised him all the time no matter what he did."They say, 'don't forget that one week where I drank less. You're so ungrateful. Didn't you see me try?'" Neo said. "The changes are very piecemeal and transient, but of course the narcissist is going to blow them all up, because he thinks everything he gives is a very big deal. They see it like currency"Some narcissists will blame their behaviour on their friends, saying it's just the culture they live in. Others will blame their partner for the behaviour, calling them crazy, and manipulating them into acting differently. Like she threw my pills away! The truth was she only threw his pills away because he kept taking whole bottle of his pills in two days instead of lasting him a whole month. So yes she threw them away to save his life! Narc people will always make the other spouse the bad guy. It's all part of their illness.My ex narcissists made a big deal after our divorce that his wife didn't feed him till after 9:00 at night. Oh, what a terrible crazy person she was for doing that to him. The truth was they had been married for 36 years and in all those 36 years she didn't get dinner on the table for him till 9:00 one night. One time! Yet he had to make a big deal about that to everyone. So people would overlook his drug abuse and alcohol abuse that happened almost throughout their entire 36 years of marriage.In the early days of an abusive relationship, narcissists love bomb their victims with attention and affection, while they pretend to be the best person in the world. The problem with this, is narcissists people can love, they show it right in the beginning of every relationship! For a few months that is, until they realize they married a non perfect human being. Then they start thinking only about themselves and will rarely show that love ever again. But, what there love really is to a narcissist is like buying a new coat, we might really want the new coat, we get the new coat and use it. Then after a while, get bored with it. Throw it aside and go out and find another coat to buy. That isn't love. When you can discard something!Once they are sure they have hooked their partner that's when their true self starts to shine through. You can tell signs this is going on because you'll find certain things such as narcotics,drugs,alcohol,sex tapes, just things that they think they can hide from you. Yet, even when narcissists get caught red handed with these things the narcissists will still deny they didn't know how that got there.There's no limit to their lies!Sometimes, narcissists will play an extreme pity card by telling you they have a mental health condition, and you are a bad person for not excusing them as a result."They might say they have a substance abuse problem because they are depressed, or because they're anxious," Neo said. "My ex pulled out this whole borderline personality diagnosis on me. Borderline people are emotionally volatile because they can't regulate their emotions. So he would say he was borderline therefore he was paranoid, therefore he didn't like me talking to other people."Particularly twisted narcissists have also pretended to be ill to get what they want. One of Neo's clients, for example, paid for her ex-husband to live in a huge house because he told her he had cancer.Another example was after 36 years of being married to anarcissist man, who was over dosing on pills he had gotten from his Doctor and had been falling down at least 10 times a day and not wanting to get off the pills or take them as he should. Even after he had broke his leg and cracked his head open twice, with his wife pleading him to get off the pills. He told her "No he never would." So she resorted to a divorce and handed it to him. He told his daughter whom was a enabler, and she fixed him up with a coworker in her office. The coworker told him she didn't care if he did drugs at her house and she would protect him. Before the divorce was even done he made his way back to his daughters house in MO and the first day there he met the coworker and went home with her. And the whole cycle started all over again. But what it proved was he didn't want to get better. He manipulated the coworker, his daughter, and his psychiatrist. All into believing that his ex wife was crazy and wanted him gone because she wanted to have a affair.Over time, narcissists become more sophisticated because they're constantly learning tricks about how to manipulate people. That's how they can get away with such exploitation.Ultimately, the only thing you can do is get as far away from them as possible, Neo said. You should break away as soon as you know you are with someone who is incapable of empathy, and run far away.I remember when my ex and I were first married after our first son was born and was about a year old. One day he was crawling up the new tv we had gotten one of those big ones and it fell over on him and I knew it had broken his little leg. I didn't have a car at the time so I had to call my husband at work and tell him I had a emergency and he needed to come home ASAP. When he arrived he went over to our son whom I was trying to comfort and told him to get up on his leg and walk boy! I wondered then why he had no empathy and it only became worst as time went on. The man had no empathy towards anyone or anything. Only himself when ever he got hurt or sick he was most certainly dying. When ever he was caught in a lie, I was the one at fault for not loving him unconditionally. On and on the nightmare was continuous.The best revenge you can get is to live your life, learn from the experience, and grow as a result. Finding out you are stronger and happier without them will help ensure it never happens to you again."Even though he tried to destroy you, you've turned the tables and instead created an awesome life courtesy of the lessons from what he did to you,"To show you what I'm talking about, Here's a story from a guy who won over a narc.I majorly won with my most recent narcissist and here’s how. At the discard, despite my emotional devastation in private, I acted completely unaffected around her. She expected me to chase her and I didn’t. I kept away to heal. Surrounded myself with loving empathic people, did my research on narcissism to understand what the hell had happened, & got myself involved in every activity I could. We work together so I still had to see her daily, but I kept my distance. She hoovered several times and I did grey rock (and fell apart later), which left her frustrated. I knew that all the while she was probably telling all her flying monkeys how awful and crazy I was but it must have been annoying for her since I behaved totally normal around everyone. They couldn’t see the evidence of the mean-cruel-crazy person she was probably talking about.As I was healing, I also started to really put energy and effort into my physical appearance. I was looking good at work. Narcs are superficial people, they notice. I also went out of my way to befriend lots of people at the office more than normal, including the flying monkeys. Narcs are jealous needy people, they notice. Never said a bad word about her ever to anyone at work. So I was looking good and popular which pissed her off majorly. Pretty soon, her own flying monkeys started being drawn to me, without me even trying. With her secretly whispering in their ears how awful I am, and me demonstrating nothing but the opposite - my good, decent, normal empathic self - they were being drawn to me. I’ll never forget the day at work when we were all attending a seminar and I was sitting on one side of the room, the narcissist on the other. Her very best flying monkey “friend” walks into the room and comes over and sits next to me instead of her. The narc nearly had a meltdown on the spot. Shortly after the seminar started, she left the room and never came back. I’m pretty sure she completely fell apart somewhere. That’s how childish these people are.Anyway, I still see the narc at work every day and she avoids me like the plague. Literally goes out of her way to avoid walking past me in the hallway even. I think out of pure fear, honestly, it’s extraordinary. I can literally feel her hate, envy, & anger directed toward me from a distance but there’s absolutely nothing she can do. Forced to work with me every day, there I am, a constant reminder of rejection and her own worthlessness right there in front of her and no smear campaign works. Never felt such vindication in my life. And this is a woman who’s a full blown malignant narcissist sociopath who rejoiced in my pain, who caused me to check myself into the ER for panic attacks, go on anti-anxiety meds, etc, all while playing sticky sweet good-as-gold savior to everyone, who bought it. Well in the end, guess what? I WON. And I continue to win daily. It feels fantastic. The demon narc fucked with the wrong empath.Chapter 6This is What Happens When You ‘Discard’ an Abusive Narcissist FirstMany books, articles and online platforms for abuse survivors often focus on what happens when a narcissistic abuser ‘devalues’ and ‘discards’ their victims. Yet what happens when survivors are lucky enough to identify the abuse that is occurring to them and with the right support and resources, are able to leave their abusers first?Unfortunately, what would otherwise be a path to freedom can be complicated by the predatory nature of malignant narcissists, whose severe sense of entitlement combined with an unnerving lack of empathy are intrinsic to their disorder. This is a dangerous combination that can result in the abuser sustaining what is known as a narcissistic injury (a threat to the narcissist’s sense of power and control) and subsequently, narcissistic rage.This type of injury and rage manifests in different ways. According to Dr. Sarkis, narcissistic abusers are likely to do everything possible to win back their victims if they suspect they are on the verge of leaving. Yet this also applies to after their victims leave, as well. To explore what can happen when a survivor leaves his or her narcissistic abuser first and how survivors of narcissistic abuse can protect themselves in this vulnerable stage of their healing journey, I’ve listed the four main ways in which narcissists can act out their “injury” and pose potential harm to their victims, as well as some ways you can empower yourself during this precarious time.1. Stalking and harassment.Unless the narcissistic abuser had other sources of narcissistic supply (people who provided them a steady stream of attention, praise, admiration, resources, etc.) they were already grooming by the time you left, chances are that he or she was left blindsided by your departure – especially if you planned your departure quietly and safely. A normal partner may be understandably hurt by a break-up that was sudden and not mutual, but eventually, that partner would understand if you needed to end a relationship because it was causing you much more pain than happiness. At the very least, that partner would find some way to move forward with his or her life, knowing that you were not the one for them.An abusive narcissist? He or she will fly off the handle when they realize that you’ve ‘one-upped’ them somehow and “beaten them” to the discard. Despite the fact that you were obviously in severe emotional and/or physical danger, the narcissist will perceive your escape as an abandonment, rather than a way to secure your safety and sanity from their psychological violence.See, abusive relationships with a narcissist rely on an idealization-devaluation-discard cycle which enables the narcissist to degrade their victims and discard their victims without any accountability whatsoever. This cycle confirms the narcissist’s distorted sense of being superior to their victims. If the victim ‘discards’ the narcissist first, he or she upsets the power dynamic that bolsters the abuser’s desire for power and validation.Remember: even if you left the relationship for legitimate reasons – such as for your own emotional and physical safety, your abuser still views the relationship as a competition. For you, the seemingly helpless and powerless victim, to leave first, sends them into a tailspin of fury and devastation. After all, how dare their victims forge the path to freedom, when they essentially ‘belong’ to the narcissist? That is how the narcissist thinks and believes: they truly see their victims as objects to be owned, controlled, mistreated and used as emotional punching bags, not as independent agents with free will.Make no mistake: you deserve to live a life free of abuse. You have rights. You have boundaries. You have limits. The narcissistic abuser works to erode those boundaries and rights throughout the abusive relationship and sustain a parasitic connection with their victims; they leech off their victim’s resources, empathy, compassion and compliance. By leaving the narcissist first, you threaten their sense of ownership over you and their excessive need to control and gain from you what they cannot find in themselves.That is why the devastation they feel at the loss of supply is not due to the loss of the survivor, but rather, the loss of power they once held over the survivor. Narcissists rely on narcissistic supply (anything in the form of praise, money, gifts, sex, attention, etc.) to survive their daily experience. They are “addicts” that zoom in on vulnerable targets – anyone they perceive to have high degrees of empathy and compassion – and exploit those targets for all they’re worth, sucking them dry emotionally, physically, and spiritually. They use their victims as trophies to give themselves access to the victim’s resources – status, wealth, the reputation of being with someone attractive and/or successful, as well as social proof of their normalcy.When their victims are able to escape their grasp without all of their resources being fully exhausted, or right around the time when the narcissist is depending on another devaluation phase to feed himself or herself that daily high – they become inexplicably enraged.It is no wonder, then, that narcissistic abusers are known to stalk their former victims months, sometimes even years, after the ending of the relationship, especially if their victims discarded them first. They might harass and stalk you in person, through e-mail, texting, phone calls, voicemails, or third-party contact. They may stalk you on your social media platforms and even engage in cyberbullying or threats. Their messages can range from threatening to love-bombing, and may vacillate between rage and tenderness, causing a confusing cocktail of emotions for their victims who simultaneously may want to be left alone but may also be concerned about whether the narcissist’s performances of remorse, pity ploys, or apologies are in any way authentic attempts at accountability.The usual advice given to the survivor is to go No Contact with his or her abuser – but the sneakiest of narcissists will find their way around the barriers you place. It is actually very common for an abusive ex to linger far beyond the expiration date of the relationship, because abuse is all about power and control. In more extreme scenarios, an abusive partner may hack into your computer or phone and install spyware; they may obtain a plethora of fake IP addresses or fake accounts to cyberbully you on different social media platforms without it being traced; they may threaten you “anonymously” through different e-mail addresses or texts with messages that are meaningful to you but confusing to outsiders, in order to evade suspicion from law enforcement.Narcissists can even use various phone apps to mask their numbers and use multiple numbers to harass you all day long or bombard you with an excessive amount of messages per day. This leaves you with the rather dreary choices of blocking each and every number while a new one pops up, or changing your number altogether.When stalking and harassment takes a severe emotional toll and you feel you are being retraumatized, unable to move forward in your journey to healing, it may be time to consider taking legal action (if, and only if, you feel safe doing so) whether by reporting the harassment to the police and/or filing for an order of protection or restraining order.Some survivors may not feel comfortable with this, as it has the potential of making their abusers even more vindictive and it may be even more traumatizing should the case proceed to court. Others may feel empowered by receiving legal documentation that will often make more cowardly narcissists back out of their schemes as soon as they realize they may face legal consequences for their actions.Research the laws in your state about how to best protect yourself, understand which laws support you in documenting and recording the various forms of abuse and remember to also consult the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you have any questions about how to proceed in your specific situation.Whatever you decide to do, make sure you’re taking some steps to document the harassment and stalking in case you ever need proof of it. Let those you trust know about what is occurring as well as your whereabouts. At this time, for your own safety, you need to be able to seek support and ‘check in’ with those who can help you – whether it be with a trusted friend, family member, therapist or all of the above.Never forget: the time when an abuse victim is leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the most dangerous points in the abuse cycle. Please take care of yourself and do what you feel is most emotionally and physically safe as well as practical for you. Don’t discount your intuition, either – it can save your life.2. Devaluation and Jekyll and Hyde hoovering.After the breakup, the character of the narcissistic abuser can become disturbingly clear – and dangerous. Malignant narcissists will usually attempt to sweet-talk you back into the relationship with promises of change, faux remorse for their misdeeds, and feigned accountability for their actions. They may romanticize the relationship and re-idealize you, taking back all their hurtful words and actions in one fell swoop (or cleverly constructed text message). This is known as hoovering, and it is when, like a Hoover vacuum, the abuser attempts to “suck” their victim back into the abuse cycle.Yet when you fail to comply with their demands to meet up, reconcile, remain friends or you resist the idealization in any way, abusive narcissists revert back to their true, vindictive selves. Pulling the signature Jekyll and Hyde moves they subjected you to during the relationship, they devalue you all over again, engaging in name-calling, cruel insults and demeaning remarks about your personality, your lifestyle, appearance, talents, career – anything and everything they can pull in to make you feel small, undesirable and unworthy.For you to say “no” (even politely) and set boundaries is akin to setting off an atomic bomb in the narcissist’s eyes. It sends them into a frightening rage as they realize they can no longer control you and that you are actively resisting their hoovering attempts. Even if you are not verbally expressing anything, you are essentially saying “no” firmly through your actions, your silence and by refusing to get ensnared once more into the traumatic vortex of the relationship.Your abuser had, after all, hoped that you would react just as you had all the other times you had reconciled with them after incidents of abuse – denying, minimizing or rationalizing the abuse while accepting the crumbs of their love-bombing efforts. Instead, they are left with a void in which they must try to secure other supply, lest they have to confront any need for possible self-evaluation.Even if they are securing other supply after the break-up, it doesn’t mean they are done with you yet – they may still continue to harass and stalk you, taunting you and debasing you in order to regain a sense of power and control. They may text or call you while they’re with their new partners, to further minimize, provoke and compare you. They may swoop periodically in and out of your life through these hoovering tactics, so they can gain supply in the form of your emotional reactions.3. Post-breakup triangulation.Once the narcissist has secured new supply, they’ll want you to know about it. That is why, on the No Contact journey, I always recommend that survivors block their narcissistic abusers as well as their harem members on all social media platforms, because even just one accidental look into their Facebook or Instagram can send you back into a downward spiral of self-doubt and self-blame if a new victim pops up shortly after the breakup.Survivors who “discarded” the narcissist first may have an emotional advantage, in that they may be more fully connected to the reality of who the abuser is. These survivors may have resolved some of the cognitive dissonance that arose during the relationship, and successfully battled the fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) that occurs due to the traumatic nature of this form of relationship. They know why no new victim should ever be envied, as these new victims too will also go through the same horrific cycle.Still, any survivor is still vulnerable to post-breakup triangulation (the deliberate manufacturing of love triangles to control and devalue you) whether online or in real life because survivors are still in the process of healing from their “addiction” and trauma bond to the narcissist. This leaves them susceptible to further emotional manipulation, unnecessary comparisons and excessive gloating from their abusive ex-partner. To avoid this, be gentle with yourself and very firm with your boundaries so that you can remove temptation or the risk of encountering the abuser altogether.Ensure that you are avoiding places that you know the narcissistic abuser frequents; remove any form of contact with their harem members; be mindful of any urges to ever reach out to or reestablish contact with a narcissistic partner, as they may be prone to using those instances to brag about their new supply.4. Smear campaigns and threats.If you discarded the narcissist first without warning, they are sure to be desperate to reframe the narrative about you as soon as possible. This is because in breaking up with them first, you unintentionally ‘exposed’ who they truly were as well as the hidden nature of the abusive relationship – and exposure is one of the narcissist’s greatest fears. Breaking up with a narcissist threatens their very sense of security because it could potentially rip off their false mask and reveal the true self to their harem members.Many narcissists begin the smear campaign even before any devaluation begins by sneaking in hints to their family members or friends about your shortcomings or projected abusive traits (which are in fact their own) and provoking you publicly throughout your relationship. Smear campaigns are often staged successfully when the narcissistic abuser has access to both his or her harem group as well as your social network. However, if you never introduced the narcissist to your friends or your family, and if you are able to gain validation from within after the break-up, the smear campaign might be less effective.The narcissist may still find other ways of slandering you – shortly after you leave them, they may threaten to release your personal information, such as private photos, text messages, videos or otherwise confidential discussions; they may stalk and harass you online; they may contact others who know you as a way to gain information about you. The means in which they can desperately try to regain a sense of control over your life are endless – but the portal to inner peace is not as impossible to reach as you may think.Remember: all smear campaigns rely on the idea that the abuse victim is unable to self-validate and cope without the approval of others. The truth is, there may be legal ways to protect yourself against slander or the release of private information depending on the state you live in; you can still report the narcissist for harassment if they try to reach you via a third party; you can get professional support that helps to validate your experiences of the abuse and regain a sense of emotional freedom and security within yourself. As survivors, we still have choices, even if those choices primarily lie within doing what we can to seek out resources and help.Undoubtedly, this can be a difficult time, but all we can control is how we approach the situation and empower ourselves. Research what you can do legally to protect yourself. Build support networks that help to validate your experiences and strengthen your resolve to detach from the toxicity and focus on your own inner peace.Explore alternative and traditional healing modalities that can reconnect you with a healthier mind, body and spirit. Find assistance anywhere and everywhere – through domestic violence hotlines, lawyers, support groups, therapists, life coaches, books, articles – you name it, it can all be used to propel yourself towards healing and a brighter future.Envision yourself being in a better place than the situation you’re currently in. Know your own worth and celebrate being finally free at last from your abuser. In knowing your inner power and trusting in your ability to survive seemingly insurmountable odds, you’ll realize that you are much more powerful than you might think. You were powerful enough to leave your abuser and survive the abuse – don’t underestimate how powerful you can be in thriving after it.By Shahida ArabiThis article was first posted on Thought Catalog on March 28th, 2017.#1- thank God and be grateful the narc is an EX!!! You won’t feel it yet emotionally but commit to this truth no matter how you feel because this is step 1 in you reclaiming your life and having a normal existence! Don’t believe me? Check back with yourself in 6 months or up to 2years time.#2 do no contact if you dun hv kids- it protects YOU. I can’t emphasise how important this is. No contact is about you and not the narc. you need space and time away from their toxic influence and drama to strengthen and build up yourself -that’s more important then any revenge fantasy. If they are suffering from being ignored- trust me they hate it- bonus for you but that’s not the goal, only the likely byproduct!!# 3 - research NPD until you go blue if you have to. Hopefully this can give you some closure. It explains their behaviour - it will make you angry though but you need to process that anger ( within yourself and not with the narc) the sooner the better#4 - accept the process you have to go thorough ie the sadness (initially), pain, devastation, anger, hatred, contempt, rage, hope ( if hoping on them- it’s wishful thinking , but you will snap out of it though), and finally acceptance. It’s fucking painful at times, but it’s a necessary process for you to heal from trauma. Yes, it was trauma. ( someone once said that suffering narc abuse is like dumping a frog into lukewarm water then slowly raising the temperature to boiling point-frog is cooked alive without knowing it. Well now you know- it WAS abuse/ torture/ trauma/ living hell. Now, you HEAL.#5- for goodness sake, if you muck up the recovery process at any time, get up again and forgive yourself. Be kind and forgiving to yourself- you went through hell, it’s ok not to be perfect all the time ! Messed up No Contact? no problem , you try again. .. until You get it.#6- get as much spiritual and emotional support as you can-Hang in there- your healing/recovery is a journey but one worth taking! It was the best thing I ever did in my life! Best wishes....Did my ex-covert narcissist intend to hurt me, or is their behavior unconscious?There is one question that I have been asked by virtually everyone who has had a serious romantic relationship with a person who turned out to have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder:Did they mean to hurt me?This question comes in many forms. If you have been hurt by a Narcissistic mate, you have probably wondered some of the following things:Did they want to hurt me?Did they do that on purpose?Do they understand how painful this is to me?Do they even care what I feel as long as they get their way?How can they say they love me and still say and do such awful things to me?The answer is more complicated than a simple “yes” or “no.” The short answer is that sometimes they did mean to hurt you and sometimes they were so focused on their own needs and feelings that they did not take the time to think about how you might be affected by their actions.4 Main Factors Contribute to this Situation:People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder lack:“Whole Object Relations” and “Object Constancy.Emotional empathy.A sense of proportion.Timing.These four things interact to create many situations where the Narcissistic mate is likely to hurt their mate’s feelings—-sometimes on purpose and sometimes by accident.Lack of Whole Object Relations and Object ConstancyPlease bear with me while I explain these terms. These are very unfortunate names for very useful concepts. It is almost impossible to understand the pattern of behavior and attitudes that we call Narcissistic Personality Disorder without first understanding these concepts.Whole Object Relations: This is the ability to see oneself and other people as having both liked and disliked traits and behaviors. “Whole Object Relations” allows us to form stable, realistic, and integrated pictures of people in our mind.This is somewhat analogous to our experience of the Moon. As the Moon goes through its phases, at most we only see half of it at any time. When we only see a crecent moon, we are still aware that the rest of the moon still exists.All-Good vs. All-Bad: Without “Whole Object Relations” people can only see the other person as all-good or http://all-bad.It is as if the other side of the person ceases to exist, including the past history with that side. It fades into the unseen background, while the part that is noticed becomes a bright shiny figure that dominates the person’s view of the situation.In the case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:All-Good = Perfect, special, unique, flawless,of high status, and entitled to special treatment.All-Bad= Flawed, worthless, inadequate, low status, and entitled to nothing.Object Constancy: This is the ability to maintain positive feelings towards oneself and others while you are feeling angry, hurt, disappointed, or frustrated with yourself or someone else.Without this ability, it is impossible to maintain stable feelings towards anyone. The moment you are disappointed by them, all good feelings disappear, and all you are aware of is your hatred.Emotional EmpathyEmotional Empathy; Emotional empathy is the capacity to feel what someone else is feeling. If you have emotional empathy, you will find it hard to enjoy yourself when someone that you care about is hurting.Narcissists have little or no emotional empathy. They not only do not feel bad for you when something goes wrong in your life, they are likely to become annoyed with you because you are less available to them.Intellectual Empathy: Narcissists can have Intellectual empathy. This means that, if they stop to think sbout it, they may be able to imagine what you are feeling.Unlike emotional empathy which is immediate and instinctive, intellectual empathy requires the Narcissistic person to stop and think about your feelings. Narcissists are very self-centered. Even when they can figure out what you are feeling, they may not really care. Some go through the motions of pretending to care because they know it is the normal thing to do—but it is work.Example—Sara and the Ski TripSara went on a ski trip with her Narcissistic boyfriend Jordon. They both love to ski and had been looking forward to this trip for a long time. On one of their ski runs, Sara fell very hard and herniated a disc in her back. She was in excruciating pain, had to sit in the Emergency Room of a local hospital for two hours waiting to get an MRI, and finally saw a doctor.Jordon accompanied Sara to the ER and waited with her. Instead of trying to soothe and comfort her, he expressed his annoyance: “I can’t believe that you did this! We are missing a whole day of skiing because of you.”When the doctor told her she would have to rest for a few weeks instead of skiing, Jordon said: “Well it is my vacation too and I am going to ski. I hope you don’t expect me to stay all day in the lodge with you.”Sara was very hurt by Jordon’s response.Did Jordon mean to hurt Sara?No, Jordon was focused on his own needs and his disappointment that his plans for a lovely ski vacation were being disrupted. His lack of emotional empathy made him indifferent to Sara’s pain and how his words might be affecting her.Timing: Some of the hurt that Narcissists cause is related to their need to express their negative feelings about you, or something that you have done, the very moment that they feel them.Instead of waiting till a convenient time for both of you to discuss an issue calmly, many people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder insist on letting their partner know right now all the bad things that they have done.They do not take into consideration anything about the larger field (everything else that is going on in their partner’s life).A Sense of Proportion: Most people have a sense of proportion. What I mean by that is their response to negative events are proportionate to the seriousness of the event. Narcissists often react to minor events, like being made to wait on line or not getting exactly what they want when they want it, almost as strongly as getting slapped in the face.Example—Maria and her Licensing ExamMaria had just finished getting her degree in social work and doing her two required internships. She has been studying for weeks for her State’s Licensing exam. Right now, passing this exam is temporarily the most important thing in Maria’s life. Jose, her Narcissistic boyfriend, lives with her and knows how important it is for Maria to pass her exam.Maria had planned to go to bed early and get as much rest as possible the night before the big exam. Unfortunately, just as she was getting ready to go to bed, Jose came in and said, “We are out of beer. You know I like a beer in the evening. How could you let this happen?”Maria was taken aback that Jose was making such a fuss about her not having beer in the fridge right when she was trying to calm down and get to bed early. “I’m sorry. I know beer is important to you, but I have been too busy studying to do any shopping. We can restock the fridge and get you anything you want after my exam.”Instead of accepting Maria’s apology, Jose escalates the fight. “This is just another instance of you showing that you don’t really care about my feelings. I feel really dismissed by you!”Maria cannot believe that Jose is picking a fight over beer on the night before the most important exam of her life. When she says: “Please, Jose, let me go to sleep.” He says, “I’m going out to buy my own beer because you obviously couldn’t care less about how I feel. Everything is about you and your precious exam.” He stomps out leaving Maria stunned, awake, and crying.Did Jose mean to hurt Maria?Jose was angry with Maria for putting her own needs first. His lack of a sense of proportion about the importance of his getting a beer versus Maria needing to study for her licensing exam made his anger seem justified. He did want to hurt Maria because he felt neglected by her.A non-Narcissist might have felt neglected as well, but they would have taken timing into consideration and delayed having the “I feel you are ignoring my needs” discussion till after Maria’s exam.Jose’s lack of “Object Constancy” and lack of emotional empathy also played a role in their fight. As soon as Jose was disappointed when he discovered that they were out of beer, his good feelings toward Maria disappeared and she became the enemy. This, plus his lack of emotional empathy, made him willing to sabotage Maria, even if it caused her to fail her exam.Punchline: The typical deficits that are associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder increase the likelihood that Narcissists will hurt their mate. Sometimes this is simply an unintentional byproduct of their self-centeredness. Other times it is quite intentional and is usually payback for some behavior that has angered or disappointed them. In that situation, they do know that they are hurting you, but they simply do not care.A2AElinor Greenberg, PhD, CGPIn private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.http://www.elinorgreenberg.com9.9k Views · 232 Upvotes · Answer requested byIt is very typical for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to project their imperfections onto their partners. If he is doing this to you it should be very clear that he no longer idealizes you and is beginning to devalue you. Trust me, when a person with NPD calls you a “narcissist” you are only witnessing the tip of the iceberg. He will follow up with a smear campaign directed towards mutual friends to paint himself as a “victim” of your behavior. All of the things he has been doing will magically become your “sins”. Then he will unceremoniously “discard” you without any explanation or closure.Since you are referring to him as a “boyfriend” I will presume that you share no complicated legal entanglements with him, such as children together or joint property ownership. Please give serious consideration to leaving the relationship when you can do so safely. You do not owe anyone an explanation and closure is not likely anyway.People with NPD have ZERO redeeming qualities and the end game is horrible if you allow them control the situation. You cannot win anything with them and they will never admit their faults or seek to become better persons. Walk away and immediately go No Contact. That gives you the best chance for recovery without becoming devastated. And when I say “No Contact” I mean forever. You and he will never be able to meet for lunch someday and laugh about all of this. You and he will never become friends.Also, be aware that it is common for people with NPD to try and pull a former partner back into their web of deception using nice words about second chances. This is called “Hoovering”…like the vacuum cleaner. If he tries this you simply hit the “delete” button and change your phone number and email address if necessary.There are better people out there to spend your life with. Also, consider taking some time to learn about how NPD works so you can learn the danger signs and figure out how you and he came together in the first place. You don’t want to find yourself in a relationship with another person with NPD in the future.There is one question that I have been asked by virtually everyone who has had a serious romantic relationship with a person who turned out to have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder:Did they mean to hurt me?This question comes in many forms. If you have been hurt by a Narcissistic mate, you have probably wondered some of the following things:Did they want to hurt me?Did they do that on purpose?Do they understand how painful this is to me?Do they even care what I feel as long as they get their way?How can they say they love me and still say and do such awful things to me?The answer is more complicated than a simple “yes” or “no.” The short answer is that sometimes they did mean to hurt you and sometimes they were so focused on their own needs and feelings that they did not take the time to think about how you might be affected by their actions.4 Main Factors Contribute to this Situation:People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder lack:“Whole Object Relations” and “Object Constancy.Emotional empathy.A sense of proportion.Timing.These four things interact to create many situations where the Narcissistic mate is likely to hurt their mate’s feelings—-sometimes on purpose and sometimes by accident.Lack of Whole Object Relations and Object ConstancyPlease bear with me while I explain these terms. These are very unfortunate names for very useful concepts. It is almost impossible to understand the pattern of behavior and attitudes that we call Narcissistic Personality Disorder without first understanding these concepts.Whole Object Relations: This is the ability to see oneself and other people as having both liked and disliked traits and behaviors. “Whole Object Relations” allows us to form stable, realistic, and integrated pictures of people in our mind.This is somewhat analogous to our experience of the Moon. As the Moon goes through its phases, at most we only see half of it at any time. When we only see a crecent moon, we are still aware that the rest of the moon still exists.All-Good vs. All-Bad: Without “Whole Object Relations” people can only see the other person as all-good or http://all-bad.It is as if the other side of the person ceases to exist, including the past history with that side. It fades into the unseen background, while the part that is noticed becomes a bright shiny figure that dominates the person’s view of the situation.In the case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:All-Good = Perfect, special, unique, flawless,of high status, and entitled to special treatment.All-Bad= Flawed, worthless, inadequate, low status, and entitled to nothing.Object Constancy: This is the ability to maintain positive feelings towards oneself and others while you are feeling angry, hurt, disappointed, or frustrated with yourself or someone else.Without this ability, it is impossible to maintain stable feelings towards anyone. The moment you are disappointed by them, all good feelings disappear, and all you are aware of is your hatred.Emotional EmpathyEmotional Empathy; Emotional empathy is the capacity to feel what someone else is feeling. If you have emotional empathy, you will find it hard to enjoy yourself when someone that you care about is hurting.Narcissists have little or no emotional empathy. They not only do not feel bad for you when something goes wrong in your life, they are likely to become annoyed with you because you are less available to them.Intellectual Empathy: Narcissists can have Intellectual empathy. This means that, if they stop to think sbout it, they may be able to imagine what you are feeling.Unlike emotional empathy which is immediate and instinctive, intellectual empathy requires the Narcissistic person to stop and think about your feelings. Narcissists are very self-centered. Even when they can figure out what you are feeling, they may not really care. Some go through the motions of pretending to care because they know it is the normal thing to do—but it is work.Example—Sara and the Ski TripSara went on a ski trip with her Narcissistic boyfriend Jordon. They both love to ski and had been looking forward to this trip for a long time. On one of their ski runs, Sara fell very hard and herniated a disc in her back. She was in excruciating pain, had to sit in the Emergency Room of a local hospital for two hours waiting to get an MRI, and finally saw a doctor.Jordon accompanied Sara to the ER and waited with her. Instead of trying to soothe and comfort her, he expressed his annoyance: “I can’t believe that you did this! We are missing a whole day of skiing because of you.”When the doctor told her she would have to rest for a few weeks instead of skiing, Jordon said: “Well it is my vacation too and I am going to ski. I hope you don’t expect me to stay all day in the lodge with you.”Sara was very hurt by Jordon’s response.Did Jordon mean to hurt Sara?No, Jordon was focused on his own needs and his disappointment that his plans for a lovely ski vacation were being disrupted. His lack of emotional empathy made him indifferent to Sara’s pain and how his words might be affecting her.Timing: Some of the hurt that Narcissists cause is related to their need to express their negative feelings about you, or something that you have done, the very moment that they feel them.Instead of waiting till a convenient time for both of you to discuss an issue calmly, many people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder insist on letting their partner know right now all the bad things that they have done.They do not take into consideration anything about the larger field (everything else that is going on in their partner’s life).A Sense of Proportion: Most people have a sense of proportion. What I mean by that is their response to negative events are proportionate to the seriousness of the event. Narcissists often react to minor events, like being made to wait on line or not getting exactly what they want when they want it, almost as strongly as getting slapped in the face.Example—Maria and her Licensing ExamMaria had just finished getting her degree in social work and doing her two required internships. She has been studying for weeks for her State’s Licensing exam. Right now, passing this exam is temporarily the most important thing in Maria’s life. Jose, her Narcissistic boyfriend, lives with her and knows how important it is for Maria to pass her exam.Maria had planned to go to bed early and get as much rest as possible the night before the big exam. Unfortunately, just as she was getting ready to go to bed, Jose came in and said, “We are out of beer. You know I like a beer in the evening. How could you let this happen?”Maria was taken aback that Jose was making such a fuss about her not having beer in the fridge right when she was trying to calm down and get to bed early. “I’m sorry. I know beer is important to you, but I have been too busy studying to do any shopping. We can restock the fridge and get you anything you want after my exam.”Instead of accepting Maria’s apology, Jose escalates the fight. “This is just another instance of you showing that you don’t really care about my feelings. I feel really dismissed by you!”Maria cannot believe that Jose is picking a fight over beer on the night before the most important exam of her life. When she says: “Please, Jose, let me go to sleep.” He says, “I’m going out to buy my own beer because you obviously couldn’t care less about how I feel. Everything is about you and your precious exam.” He stomps out leaving Maria stunned, awake, and crying.Did Jose mean to hurt Maria?Jose was angry with Maria for putting her own needs first. His lack of a sense of proportion about the importance of his getting a beer versus Maria needing to study for her licensing exam made his anger seem justified. He did want to hurt Maria because he felt neglected by her.A non-Narcissist might have felt neglected as well, but they would have taken timing into consideration and delayed having the “I feel you are ignoring my needs” discussion till after Maria’s exam.Jose’s lack of “Object Constancy” and lack of emotional empathy also played a role in their fight. As soon as Jose was disappointed when he discovered that they were out of beer, his good feelings toward Maria disappeared and she became the enemy. This, plus his lack of emotional empathy, made him willing to sabotage Maria, even if it caused her to fail her exam.Punchline: The typical deficits that are associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder increase the likelihood that Narcissists will hurt their mate. Sometimes this is simply an unintentional byproduct of their self-centeredness. Other times it is quite intentional and is usually payback for some behavior that has angered or disappointed them. In that situation, they do know that they are hurting you, but they simply do not care.A2AElinor Greenberg, PhD, CGPIn private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.http://www.elinorgreenberg.com9.9k Views · 232 Upvotes · Answer requested byStudy reveals negative long-term effects of heavy cannabis use on brain function and behaviorNew study in Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging looks at the effects of heavy cannabis use on brain function and behaviorYoung people with cannabis dependence have altered brain function that may be the source of emotional disturbances and increased psychosis risk that are associated with cannabis abuse, according to a new study published in Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging. The alterations were most pronounced in people who started using cannabis at a young age. The findings reveal potential negative long-term effects of heavy cannabis use on brain function and behavior, which remain largely unknown despite the drug's wide use and efforts to legalize the substance.The study, by Drs. Peter Manza, Dardo Tomasi, and Nora Volkow of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, Bethesda, Maryland, assessed resting brain activity data from the Human Connectome Project of 441 young adults, and compared a smaller set of 30 people who met criteria for cannabis abuse with 30 controls. People with heavy cannabis use had abnormally high connectivity in brain regions important for reward processing and habit formation. The same regions have also been pegged in the development of psychosis in previous research."These brain imaging data provide a link between changes in brain systems involved in reward and psychopathology and chronic cannabis abuse, suggesting a mechanism by which heavy use of this popular drug may lead to depression and other even more severe forms of mental illness," said Dr. Cameron Carter, Editor of Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging.AdvertisementThe brain alterations were also associated with heightened feelings of negative emotionality, especially alienation, where one feels a sense of hostility or rejection from others. The link points to a potential biological mechanism for why feelings of alienation are often profoundly increased in people with cannabis dependence."Interestingly, the hyperconnectivity was strongest in the individuals who began using cannabis in early adolescence," said Dr. Manza, which lines up with reports of a higher risk of psychiatric problems when cannabis use begins early in life. Adolescence is a critical period of brain development, making early use of cannabis particularly detrimental. According to Dr. Manza, the measurement of resting brain activity is a relatively easy and non-invasive procedure, so the approach could be a useful measure for tracking the development of psychiatric symptoms with cannabis use.Chapter 7Questions and Answers on NPDHow is being narcissist different then being arrogant?Narcissistism = They can't or don't want to feel emotions and are afraid to fix it. They do everything they can to not think about feelings I.E. Always have music or tv on. Drugs or alcohol to numb anything so they don't have to feel. They use people and what they have like their house. So they have a place to live and Survive.They have fits of enragements where they let all that anger out. They don't really know how to love,or like people but expect everyone to love them.*They always blame other people or shame themTheir relationships usually have 5 phasesFinding the Supplier or victimLove bombingDevaluationDisintegrationStarting it all over againThey're very good liers, and have no empathy for others especially their ex mate.People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder lack:1. “Whole Object Relations” and “Object Constancy. Meaning, people are either good or bad especially people they once said they loved2. Emotional empathy.3. A sense of proportion.4. Timing.They have;*Jekyll and Hyde personally* Grandiosity* Devaluation* Story Telling*ProjectionArrogance = you think your the only one that's right.You think your Gods gift to everyoneYou think your better then everyoneexaggerating or disposed to exaggerate one's own worth or importance often by an overbearing manner an arrogant official2 : showing an offensive attitude of superiority : proceeding from or characterized by arrogance an arrogant replySo I don't think they are alike but maybe a part of each otherWhy don't Narcissus have a identity?Oh, I think they have a identity, if there a convert narcissist they try and make everyone around them believe they're super nice people! I mean super nice wonderful guys and gals! But to their wive or husband they are total assholes to them because they victimized that person and take all their anger and hostilities out on them.What a narcissist doesn't have are feelings or empathy for their victim that they live with in private. Behind closed doors a narcissist true personality comes out and since they don't know how to have feelings or empathy they aren't aware how much they are hurting the one person they should be loving the most.I remember before I found out my husband was a narcissist, I would beg him to try and get that sweet relationship we had the first few years we were married back. Each time he would give me a total blank stair like he had no clue as to what I was talking about. He had no desire to love me as he once did again ever. He couldn't, for he never did.Do narcissists act the same toward all their suppliers? Do they disappear on them too?No, they are like charmilions where they adapt to each supplier really well. When I knew my husband, I knew him as a man, a real man. But when I heard him talking on the phone to his new supplier he was talking to her like he was a 3 year old!!! It blew me away! That was not the man I had known! I told my therapist about that and she said it was because it was a child to a adult relationship that was occurring. But I think it was more than that, I think his new supplier was dumb and child like also. He was responding to how she was to show her he fit in with her. They adapt to the new supplier.Does the Narcissist ever realize they are wrong?It's funny, because my narcissist ex would argue he was right and I was wrong, then we'd find out he was wrong. In all 26 years of marriage to him after him behaving this way to me I think he was right just a couple of times. And proved me wrong. Where he would make sure I was shamed for being wrong. I told him once near the end why he did that to me when I never did that to him when he was wrong? He accused me of doing so to him. I asked him to tell me when. He couldn't. They just have to be right every time. But if your wrong once boy do they let you have it.One of the other problems was he would always say if I saw something good I wanted to do he would say "He didn't feel good about it." So I didn't get to do it. He just made terribly bad life decisions! Because he wasn't in tune with his feelings to begin with! So how could he make right decisions? It's like the last days we were together, we had gotten back together after we had divorced. So we could put our family back together. Because it had fallen apart. I had gotten a job and he was trying to detoxify after drinking heavily for 6 months while we were apart. He had the shakes really bad but I thought everything was going to be ok. And on the fourth day of my new job he decided to go back to his girlfriend he had met while we were apart! He had told me she would give him her Xanax and oxycodone and she was his drug supplier. He chose her against his family! He chose drugs over putting back his family! He chose her over a 36 year marriage!I realize now because he was narcissist he was looking for a new supplier and someone that didn't know his flaws. He needed her drugs because he was detoxing and she had a house a car and lived on 5 acres so he could do what ever he wanted there and get away with it.I'm glad he's gone now. But he broke my heart terribly and I've never cried that hard or that much in my life. But I needed to see him for what he really was. And I wouldn't have learned that if he hadn't done what he did to me. Now I know.So not only are they wrong a lot they don't know how to make good decisions in life either. They just have bad gut decisions because they don't have feelings.What are the differences between convert and overt Narc's?A covert narc will show the world he is a great guy! But when he comes home to you treat you horrible. He will show you his real self because he knows that's all you know him to be and there's no kidding you or playing you. He will abuse behind close doors and then pretend he didn't do a thing to you, he will drive you insane if you let him. He may drink alcohol and do drugs behind closed doors. And turn into Mr. Hyde a monster! But as soon as he goes out the doors he turns back into Dr. Jeckel. A fine outstanding citizen.A Overt Narc I believe can happen because if s couple of deferent ways.if you have exposed the convert Narc openly and force the world to see them for who they really are. I did this to my ex Narc husband, while he would be yelling and screaming at me behind closed doors I would dial 911 and just let 911 listen to his abuse of me. No, he never said ever one time he was sorry. But yes, they did come and Gaul him off to jail. Then he became a overt Narc.He started openly abusing me when ever, where ever he could. Blaming me for him being a drug addict, a alcoholic, anything he could. It got unbearable. He was not going to take any responsibility for any thing he did. He still tried to get people to rally on his side. When ever he could. He made me look like I was the bad guy, why? Because I would throw away all his booze or all his pills! Wasn't I a awful person. I had gay guys calling me up cussing me out from the people he met in rehab. I asked these guys why they were doing that? Well they were going to take him away from me. Ok I said go for it. lolSo at the same time a overt and a convert Narc can be one in the same. Or not.Log In or Sign Up to ViewWhat is it that a narcissist doesn't want you to know about them?They don’t want you to know thatduping you and telling lies gives them thrillsabusing you and causing hurt also gives them thrillsThey crave these thrills. They are driven to satisfy them like an addict.You are just a fix to them, a distraction.They don’t want you to know that every time you are crying, they are laughing, because they know it looks monstrous.Narcissists are inscrutable because we cannot accept that anyone could be driven to dupe and abuse, to crave doing it.Many narcissists suspect they are not normal, that’s why they hide behind false personas, gaslighting, lies and lovebombing. No one wants to admit that they like duping and hurting others, even to themselves.This is why narcissists are so hard to understand, because they enjoy such strange things, and they hide it so desperately from us, and are so successful at hiding it.The difference between a narcissist and a psychopath would be that the psychopath is able to admit these things to themselves. But the narcissist can’t. They dupe you to dupe themselves. You will never get them to admit these fundamental truths about themselves.Chapter 8From the Male perception on women narc's;A narcissist never trains you to be puppeted that’s not their intention, here it is what happens:He starts to Idealize you or get obsessed with you because he will start liking the way that you make him or her feel about himself or herself, they never plan to Idealize it just happens when the opportunity comes in.You are new and you bring them excitement at first, making them feel good about themselves, it’s not something planned it’s something that happens unconsciously.The narcissist is your typical wounded child who never grew up emotionally, to explain this in details:They idealize everything new or every new thing.Imagine a little kid when he buys his favorite jacket, he never loves the jacket however he is obsessed with it because it makes him look good, that’s the difference between love and idealization, after a time the kid starts to get bored since his emotional level is low and throws the jacket away trying to buy another one.So here it is what happens:They will start to idealize you when you start to stroke their ego, since they live for the Fuel meaning that you are basically helping them with your positivity and vanishing their internal insecurities for a short period of time, meaning that you are making them feel important,giving them something that their parents never gave or that the other people never gave them.They will just reflect everything back to you like the little kid does, you as an Empathic person will start to like their attention and the conversations and reflect with your Empathy to them and they will reflect back to you with the same things, since they are high on your Fuel, keep in mind they ain’t loving you they are however loving the way that you make them feel about themselves, basically you are giving them the high, you are their drug while they are the abuser, the abuser idealizes his drug early on.They will keep giving you the things that you want and telling you the things that you need to hear, unconsciously because you are new, you are exciting and you get them high, they will get the tunnel vision with you.After a period of time the things will start to escalate and you as a normal person will start to fall in love with them, since you share lots of things in common and they are telling you the things that you need to hear, however later on you will learn that they were just reflecting everything to you back because you were getting them high.After a period of time the narcs internal insecurities start to rise again and they start to get bored, since you are not new anymore, they never were connected to you with Empathy because they don’t even have a clue what Empathy means or what Love is, they can’t love anyone including themselves, to be able to love someone you need to Empathize and that’s the difference between love and idealization.When they finally get bored they will start to Devalue, meaning that they will start to look for a new source of supply, when they start to Devalue they will groom new sources of supplies switching their entire energy and attention from you to them, this is where the things star to get tricky:When they switch their entire attention you start to react, asking them questions like what happened, what did you do to deserve this, why are they cold etc, meaning that you will start to bore them more begging/pleading and clinging they will start to notice that you are trying to see through that mask or facade and they will activate their defensive mechanism which happens unconsciously to protect their identity.Their defensive mechanisms include, this is automated by the way:1.Gaslightings.2.Stone Wallings.3.Emotional Withholds.4.Emotional Blackmails.5.Silent Treatments.etc.This happens due to the fact that after a period of time you are already deeply in love with them and you are addicted to them and you keep pushing or forcing them to give you a closure or answers, while they can’t because they even themselves have no idea what happened, they were just idealizing you meaning that they never loved you, even though they told you that they loved you when they were high on your fuel.You are left shattered, in pain and in agony not knowing what happened, how quickly it happened, how it happened and what is exactly going on, even the narcy has no idea what happened all they know is that they are bored simply, no matter how hard they try they will always get bored since they plainly Idealize everything new and they follow that relationship pattern their entire lifetime.They will move forward like nothing has ever happened they won’t have a problem moving forward because they never loved you and you on the other hand will be fully addicted to them, eating yourself up everyday with questions like:How was did he/ she move forward?How easy was it for him/her to move forward?Did i mean anything to him/her?Did he or she ever loved me?The answer is simple, No, they never loved you they Idealized you.Love is something everlasting, it starts slow and it progresses with time, it requires Empathy, Value, Respect, Care, Appreciation.Idealization is a form of obsession or infatuation that happens for a short period of time, it starts Intensely and after a period of time it decreases completely, which does not include any of the things that i mentioned above:Empathy, Value, Care, Appreciation, Respect.The narcissist would have never imagined that they would have devalued their most beloved toy, object, jacket call it whatever, it just happened because that’s what they do, they just simply follow that pattern their entire lifetime.They will always blame the object for being needy and clingy manipulating the object when they start to Devalue to protect their identity.The short interesting story to clear up your thoughts would be like:Lets say a kid wants a pet so bad and his mom finally buys him his favorite German Shepherd, the kid is flying high on cloud 9 all happy and he promises his mom that he is going to take care of the dog and love it for eternity, the kid plays with the dog a couple of weeks or months taking care of the dog everyday like he promised, after a period of time he starts to get bored and leaves the dog to starve to death, when his mom notices that she starts to feed the dog and take care of it to keep the poor soul alive.Will his mom blame the kid? Absolutely not, when she bought the dog she knew that the kid was immature and immature kids get bored of everything and they speak with their excitement for a short period of time, the kid will change his words and feelings with that emotional level in matter of seconds, i mean he is just a kid, under developed who’s Empathy is starting to develop and who is just starting to know the life and people. That’s your Narcy, he is your immature kid even though he is old with mindset and body, he lacks Emotionality.Now if you ask the kid would he have ever knew that he would have get bored of the dog?His answer would be simple, absolutely not, he even himself has no idea why he stopped caring about the dog, it just happened, unconsciously without his control or will.Hope this helps, i tried my best to explain everything going on if you really like it drop a upvote, it took me some time to find the right words and examples.The Reality About The Narcissist:They are your typical Con Artists who received:Emotional Neglect,Childhood Trauma,Emotional Abuse from their parents their whole life.They daily feel internal insecurities,internal conflict,they feel emptiness,they have the void,they see the black hole,they feel worthless no matter what they do etc.The whole childhood abuse caused them lack of Empathy because they were never loved,respected,valued,appreciated from their parents to begin with.They are unable to love anyone including themselves,they hate themselves so that answers all of your question.If someone constantly hates himself/herself so much he will never be able to love someone else.And if you love him/her you are basically a loser because no one can love them because they feel like they always failed in life,that’s their typical mentality.To ease their internal insecurities they manipulate the whole people around them by a fake persona basically faking everything about themselves and presenting to the public a perfect image of a caring,lovely,charming character.While they manipulate the crowd they gather up Admiration,Attention,Adulation,Validation basically to regulate their self esteem which is a temporary fix.No matter what they are your typical wounded child who never grew up emotionally,their emotional level is stuck at their childhood trauma period with one word the period of abuse.With all being said no matter how good the source of supply is they will sooner or later get bored since they possess a really low boredom tolerance level.They tend to hit on victims that possess high levels of Empathy or Empaths,because they are vulnerable and they are easy to be charmed and manipulated.Before the LB-DV-DI process they will start to test the new victim causing drama out of the blue,since drama bring excitement and everything that’s new is exciting.They will cause drama out of the blue and see with how much they are able to walk away,if you leave them walk away with everything that gives them the green light that you possess high levels of empathy and you are a long term source of supply however if you resist their attempts they will discard you early on and move to the next source of supply.They are your typical druggies searching for Fuel aka their fix.If you passed their whole tests the cycle starts.They follow a predictable relationship pattern of LB-DV-DI.LB-rising the victim on the pedestal making him her feel special,telling them all the stuff they need to her while they mirror the victim aka shape shifting to the victims character traits or copying the victim,with one word making the victim fall in love with themselves.This is the closest the NPD will ever get to feel love,Idealization aka Love Bombing is a form of infatuation or obsession with their possession in this case the victim,they are obssessed with their new doll or object they want that so bad.A NPD enters the relationship to fill his/er void pulling all the weight to the shoulders of the victim with one word.They seek for the impossible basically wanting the other people to fix them or fill their emptiness. No matter what others do they will never be able to fill that emptiness because the problem is them not the other people around.After a period of time the void will be back in and they will start to think as maybe the new victim was not special after all since the void is still there,basically the boredom starts to kick in and they will start to Devalue,once the Devalue starts there is no turning back.Devalue-Basically it can happen gradually or suddenly when they get bored or called on their actions,once they start to devalue they start to groom new sources of supplies switching all their energy and time to someone else since it takes them a lot to manipulate new people,it’s a whole new different challenge especially the people that are careful with sharing their empathy.They will pull back and suddenly switch all the attention from you to someone else.The victim will be left in vain not knowing what happened,what did they do,how it happened etc.The victim starts to search for answers they will totally or completely ignore the victims attempts further more manipulating the victim with methods like:Gaslighting-Basically when the victim calls them on their actions they will totally deny their actions taking no responsibility and telling the victim that they are going crazy and they never did tho’s actions:They would slap you today and tell you tomorrow they never did it the victim will basically apologize for the things that they never did.Why is it easy to Gaslighten?Because they have tested you early on threatening you that they are going to leave with one word and you stood by their side,you showed them in one way or another that you won’t leave easy no matter what and that you are going to keep fighting for that person. So once they start to gaslighten they won’t have a problem with it because no matter what they do you will just suck it up and continue to stay by their side and you will fight for them even if it means losing your whole dignity to them.With one word they are using your vulnerabilities as a weakness and trying to turn you into Lunacy with their games and enjoying it to the fullest.Once the devalue starts to kick is you have been already replaced they never discard they will shelf you,being replaced means that the new victim is feeding them Positive Fuel and Excitement while you are the boring guy or the side kick,they won’t ignore you completely they will give you as little as possible to hang in there since you will start to search for answers and you will feed them Fuel with any Positive/Negative reaction they will feel important.Silent Treatments-They like to combine gaslightening with silent treatments with one word.Once they are called on their actions they will basically neutralize your attempts giving you the prolonged silent treatments since they already know that you are aware of whats going on.With this they are giving you a simple message of’’My dear object if you dare to stand up for yourself i will give you my silence and withhold everything that feel’t good on the love bombing phase including:Love,care,affection,attention,value,respect,appreciation etc.Their silence will increase the more the victim calls them on their actions and the more they start to search for answers.The more the victim craves for a closure the less that they are going to give it to them and the more the victim starts to crave for answers the less they are going to give that to the victim.They will never give you a closure or answers because you are an object and you don’t deserve them and they know deep down inside that if they confuse you,you will with one word search more for answers and you will feed them more Fuel and they will finally feel important belittling you,that shows how insecure tho’s individuals are.Projection-Another manipulation technique they will basically project their whole insecurities to you telling you that you are overthinking etc and you are going lunacy.You will end up apologizing profusely for calling them on their actions.Stone Wall-It’s a technique used by Sociopaths also the NPDS like to use it a lot with one word once they get asked for a specific question for ex:Do you still feel what you feel’t before?Do you have feelings,what happened what changed?They will immediately change the topic or switch the topic to something else leaving you even more confused you will never get answers.Emotional Withholds-They will withhold emotionally every time they get called on their actions basically to punish you while you are craving for their attention,affection,love,care etc. mine ex narc withheld sex from me for 14 years!Your Recovery Process how to move forward and what you should learn from this experience:THE LESSONS YOU SHOULD LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE:Do not trust people easily, it takes a really long time to trust someone.Do not empathize with everyone, be smart to share your empathy with the right people.Being nice to people is good, but that does not mean you should be someone’s doormat so they can abuse you.Do not allow anyone to abuse you in any way, if they do you walk away without confrontations, because they ain’t worth your kindness or energy.If someone cheats or lies, walk away without a single thought, do not hope, because if they do it once they will do it again, live by the rule of, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.”Learn to judge people from their actions not their background or personality disorders or words, who cares if he has BPD, ASPD, NPD or Psychopathy, you ain’t no one to help no one, you are not a professional psychologist, nor a psychiatrist, even they lack the ability to help them, neither an Angel from God or Mother Mary.Learn to help yourself firstly then people, if you don’t love yourself respect yourself or value yourself you can’t love no one else period.Learn to walk away from Toxic People, because life experiences help us grow as characters and make us mature individuals.Learn that no one can hurt you as soon as you don’t allow them to, it’s on your hand not theirs.Give people what they deserve, if they treat you like shit you answer back with the same things.Do not try to make sense of nonsense, do not drop yourself low enough to understand people with personality disorders, they will drag you to their level and turn you to lunacy, do not overthink just live for the moment.Blame yourself and apologize to yourself profusely for letting that person abuse you, he does not deserve an apology from you, your inner self does.Do not try to get Empathy from a Predator ever. It’s like walking with your two legs on a Wolf Lair and expecting them to understand you while you beg, cling, plead for the Predators’ empathy, asking them to love you and never hurt you. Will they be able to understand those things, start asking yourself? If you do walk on that lair, I would blame you not the wolves, because you are an easy prey, it’s a cruel world out there if you act weak or vulnerable to predators they will hurt you and care less, and you are the one to blame.Learn to look at things as they are, not how you want them to be, learn when you are dealing with predators to think with your head not with your emotions or feelings, knowing the truth and acting with feelings that’s stupidity. Basically your mind is clouded by your heart and you can’t see the difference between what’s real and what’s not, that’s a big no, when your dealing with people that have no clue what Empathy means.How do you combat Passive Aggression aka Silent Treatment:By not combating it at all,that’s the only way out.-When they give you their Silence or the so called Silent Treatment they are basically degrading you or giving you a message of’’You don’t deserve my words so i will give you my silence.You my mere object if you dare to call me on my actions/lies/manipulations/boredom i will give you my silence and withhold everything that feel’t good for you because i played you since day 1 i never loved you,cared about you,appreciated you as a human being,neither valued you.-They are expecting you to react in any way positive or negative any reaction from you would feed them fuel. So the only way out is not to play the game,because if you play their game,with their rules you will lose no matter what.Basically just go with their silence and move forward,move forward for your own good not to punish them when they come back Hoovering.You don’t need to punish a immature wounded child who refuses to play because you confronted them with the reality,they are already punished.They are shallow immature individuals.-The passive aggression starts when you call them on their actions/lies/manipulations or when they simply get bored because they are unable to Empathize or feel anything genuinely they fake everything,so no matter how hard you try you will always fail.-They already found new supplies,new faces on the block,everything that’s new for them is exciting while you are the old wounded toy who they sucked you dry.They crave on attention,adulation,admiration,validation(NS)and basically on Excitement and Drama.They simply got bored of you so they are keeping you as a back up the new supply feeds them high octane fuel while any positive/negative fuel from you would be always welcomed,they are keeping you there as an old object,confused,in pain,in sorrow.-So start asking yourself if someone totally ignores you and gives you their silence are they worth the chase?We need to learn to judge people from their actions,if they treat you like shit you have to answer back with the same things that’s how this world works.-Just continue with your life find someone who really loves you the way you are,they fooled you and you already know who they are,just find the inner strength to move forward that’s the only way out.-Find someone who considers you a priority not an option.You need to be a priority,and if someone considers you an option and is punishing you with their silence you need to move forward.Because that shows lack of love,appreciation,value,commitment,respect.The signs of Late Devaluation from the Narcissist, how to deal with it and how to stay away:All the attention,adulation,admiration,care is vanished they are cold and distant.Everything you do irritates them,even the jokes that they used to laugh or the things that you enjoyed together.You are never enough for anything that you do,they keep dropping the sarcasms on every sentence.They got bored of you,since they possess no Empathy and a really low boredom tolerance level.You see their true face after 2–3 months,that everything was an act from them,the person that you thought they were does not exist it’s an illusion presented by them,their mask or facade drops off since acting takes lots of energy from them.They start to devalue after the love bombing.You feel like you are walking on eggshells,you want their attention,love and care and their feelings they withhold everything,you try to search for answers they don’t give you any clear answers just dull and cold answers,never initiating the contact first,lies flying all over your face,they tell you they are bored,every time you ask for answers,you will get none of them,you are getting tired losing energy,you don’t know what to expect from this relationship,all the thoughts going on your head you want some kind of a closure,where they give you as little to hang in there.When you try to rise an opinion or ask the relationship to be a two way street,asking them why they changed,or where is the old person you once knew,calling them on their actions and lies,they refuse everything further more manipulating you with methods like:1.Gaslighting-basically refusing everything that you are saying,they would slap you today and tomorrow tell you they didn’t do it,since they know that you wont leave easy they have tested you and your patience,and they know you got a deep connection to them with empathy,they make you doubt yourself and your vision.2.Stone Walling-You ask a question about where are her feelings she switches the topic and never answers that,you ask a question about does she feel the same things,she tells you she does not know,you never get a straight up answer.3.Silent Treatments-Every time you call them on their actions this is the cruelest method that they can use,they basically vanish or give you the ghosting or the cold shoulder,they vanish for days,weeks,months,years by answering none of your calls or messages,you don’t know what in the heck happened everything seemed so good,the silent treatment time increases much more when you call them on their actions and ask them for their empathy,you will feel ignored,shattered,in pain,in sorrow etc,then just when you try to move on with your life they re-appear like nothing happened and pick up the things where you left them off even doe if they went off for months or years,With this technique they will escape any responsibility for their actions,ignorance is their biggest weapon-They are giving you a message of:My dear object if you dare to call me on my actions-lies-manipulations i will give you my silence because you don’t deserve my words,since you are a simple toy to me,i played you from day 1 and if you dare to rebel or see through that mask i will ignore you,because i know i’m lying,i’m manipulating,i just simply don’t care because you are my possession and my object,you always were,you let me walk away with all that,so you are going to allow me to walk away once again like back in the time’’4.Projection-Basically when you try to rise up your opinion they switch the blame to you playing the victim card telling you that you are overthinking stuff even though you are sure 100% they did that thing and you end up apologizing to them for the things you never did,because they know deep down inside how much they abuse you no matter what they do you will always stay,they are sure of it because they have tested you early on.Their Most common used manipulation techniques during Devaluation:Love Bombing-They will rise the victim to pedestal making him feel special,earning his love,trust,commitment,respect,value,appreciation leaving the victim vulnerable to their charm and love.Basically giving the victim everything that they want and what they need to hear,the victim will drop his guard down and will be convinced that he found his soul mate.He has no idea what will come next and he won’t be ready for it.Mirroring-A highly manipulative technique used by the Narcissist when they try to secure their Supply.The will basically take your character traits,share your interests,copy your dressing style.Basically with one word they are your other shadow,the victim will be amazed of the things you have in common and how angelic-caring-lovely this catch can be and she is still single and feel the luckiest personality in the world.Basically what the Narcissist is doing he is earning the trust of the victim while hooking him up to their love and care.This opens up the road for the Narcissist when they start to devalue to manipulate you further more with the techniques i will be mentioning below,leaving the victim more hooked on the cycle of abuse.The Manipulation techniques they use after they secured the love of the victim and they started to devalue.Devaluation-Once they secured the victims love,trust,value,respect,commitment,appreciation they most likely get bored since they don’t possess the ability to love anyone including themselves or to Empathize with people,they look at people as mere character extensions or objects.The devaluation happens for 2 reasons:1-They simply got bored of you,since they search for drama and excitement and you provide them boredom with your stability and your feelings.2-You saw through that mask or facade and you started rising your opinion while calling them on their actions they now see you as threat to their safety.Once the devalue starts there is no going back,it’s all about the manipulation games to keep the source of supply on the queue.The devaluation is the most eye opening thing that happens to the victim in life,the victim starts to get aware they start to see that the person that they thought they were in love with it never existed,it was an act or illusion presented by the Con Artist(The NPD).The victim has to learn and to find inner strength to move forward,they have to accept the reality that they got manipulated,lied from the Con Artist,they will have severe withdrawal symptoms because of the trauma bond and abuse by the abuser,they will hold on to hope when there is no hope to begin with,they will have to fight constantly with their mindset until they go full No Contact and break off from this abusive drug.Silent Treatment-When the NPD gets bored from the victim and they start to search for new supplies while devaluing their victim,their biggest weapon is their silence.The silent treatment is a passive aggressive method used by the emotional abuser to neutralize responsibility for their actions,to control the victim further more,to leave the victim confused and to wreck them emotionally.The silent treatment happens when the victim gets the NPD mad calling them on their actions or when the NPD gets bored.The NPD will give you his/her silence to neutralize any attempts of you that you are calling you on their actions,and to come out with a clean slate.This happens when the NPD has secured your love or is on a hunt for new supplies.This can happen gradually or in a one night,it all depends from the abuser,gradually their silence will increase as a form of punishment for being called on their actions.Diversion aka Stone Walling-Once you start to call them continously on their actions and they refuse everything they will start to get mad and start to punish you not only with their silence but with the Emotional Withhold aka everything that feel’t good for you on the Love Bombing phase.They will withhold emotionally and show no affection at all,you will drive yourself insane,ask them what happened why it happened what did you do,they will never provide any answers,just neutral dull answers,while they enjoy the abuse to the max,every reaction from you will feed them fuel any positive or negative reaction.When you start to ask them do they still feel the same things that they feel’t,they will tell you they don’t know basically leaving you hanging and giving 0 answers.You will ask them what happened they will tell you nothing or i don’t know.When you start bringing the convo about affection they will switch the topic to something else basically they will put a stone wall through you giving 0 answers,the more you seek for closure or answers the less they will give it to you,because that makes them feel power and they will feel important with the control they possess over you.You will leave the conversation more confused and without answers.Gaslighting aka crazy making at it’s finest-One of their favorite weapon to turn the victim to lunacy leaving them vulnerable and on an emotional wreck.Basically they will slap you today and tell you they didn’t do it tomorrow and act like nothing happened,because deep down inside they know how emotionally you are connected to them and you won’t leave no matter what,because they sniffed your empathic traits while they were testing you on the love bombing phase and trying to see with how much they were able to walk away while crossing your boundaries.You will start to doubt your sanity,your vision because from this point on everything depends to their validation and how they perceive you as a character,because they hooked you up to their love and affection.Projection aka blame shifting-Once you call them on their actions they will play the victim card come as the innocent one and blame shift it to you basically they will tell you that you are going crazy and they didn’t do tho’s things,and you need to stop overthinking because you will drive yourself nutz.You will end up apologizing for the things that you never said or did and they will be the ones to forgive you.Discard-Rarely happens by the side of the abuser they like to keep the victims on queue confused for a possible return.Most of the times victims will have enough of the abuse and leave themselves.Most of the times prolonged Silent Treatments are confused with discards. It might rarely happen if the victim is seen as a threat to their safety or mask since they live to keep that mask or facade.Hoovering-The possible return from the Narcissist to suck you back into the game.They will reappear like nothing happened and try to pick things up where they left them before.They will start to idealize again telling you how much they missed you,they did a mistake,how much you mean’t to them,how stupid they been,they will beg,plead,cling to you so you can take them back since they don’t possess a face or morals.This is an act from the NPD it can happen for a reason basically they are out of new supplies or they wanna test the waters to see if they have an effect to your life.Any reaction from you would feed them fuel or supplies.They might have came for a relationship or a quick fix to make you react.Most of the times if they came for the quick fix they will try to provoke you so you can react in any positive or negative way then they will continue with their silent treatment again.Smear campaigns and stalking-When toxic types can’t control the way you see yourself, they start to control how others see you; they play the martyr while you’re labeled the toxic one. A smear campaign is a preemptive strike to sabotage your reputation and slander your name so that you won’t have a support network to fall back on lest you decide to detach and cut ties with this toxic person. They may even stalk and harass you or the people you know as a way to supposedly “expose” the truth about you; this exposure acts as a way to hide their own abusive behavior while projecting it onto you.Some smear campaigns can even work to pit two people or two groups against each other. A victim in an abusive relationship with a narcissist often doesn’t know what’s being said about them during the relationship, but they eventually find out the falsehoods shortly after they’ve been discarded.Toxic people will gossip behind your back (and in front of your face), slander you to your loved ones or their loved ones, create stories that depict you as the aggressor while they play the victim, and claim that you engaged in the same behaviors that they are afraid you will accuse them of engaging in. They will also methodically, covertly and deliberately abuse you so they can use your reactions as a way to prove that they are the so-called “victims” of your abuse.The best way to handle a smear campaign is to stay mindful of your reactions and stick to the facts. This is especially pertinent for high-conflict divorces with narcissists who may use your reactions to their provocations against you. Document any form of harassment, cyberbullying or stalking incidents and always speak to your narcissist through a lawyer whenever possible. You may wish to take legal action if you feel the stalking and harassment is getting out of control; finding a lawyer who is well-versed in Narcissistic Personality Disorder is crucial if that’s the case. Your character and integrity will speak for itself when the narcissist’s false mask begins to slip.Triangulation-Bringing in the opinion, perspective or suggested threat of another person into the dynamic of an interaction is known as ‘’triangulation’’. Often used to validate the toxic person’s abuse while invalidating the victim’s reactions to abuse, triangulation can also work to manufacture love triangles that leave you feeling unhinged and insecure.Malignant narcissists love to triangulate their significant other with strangers, co-workers, ex-partners, friends and even family members in order to evoke jealousy and uncertainty in you. They also use the opinions of others to validate their point of view.This is a diversionary tactic meant to pull your attention away from their abusive behavior and into a false image of them as a desirable, sought after person. It also leaves you questioning yourself – if Mary did agree with Tom, doesn’t that mean that you must be wrong? The truth is, narcissists love to “report back” falsehoods about others say about you, when in fact, they are the ones smearing you.To resist triangulation tactics, realize that whoever the narcissist is triangulating with is also being triangulated by your relationship with the narcissist as well. Everyone is essentially being played by this one person. Reverse “triangulate” the narcissist by gaining support from a third party that is not under the narcissist’s influence – and also by seeking your own validation.The most important part of the answer, why is is to hard for the victim to move forward and how to move forward:Why is it so hard for the victim to move forward?They got you addicted to their attention,love,care,validation,while they fooled you or manipulated you,where you thought they genuinely feel’t for you.Your whole self worth,self esteem,self respect,self value,self love is dependent on them,from the abuse they put you through.They are the bad friend to you who gets a good friend addicted to drugs,you are having severe withdrawal symptoms while they are withholding everything that feel’t good for you including:emotions,attention,love,care etc.Your self esteem is shattered from the abuse that they put you through.You doubt your own vision,your sanity,your abilities,your beauty, your character from the trauma that they put you through manipulating with gaslighting,stone walling,emotional withholds,emotional blackmail,grooming,projections,mirroring etc etcIt happened so fast and suddenly you are confused and you don’t know what happened,you didn’t see it coming you were flying high on Cloud 9 while they suddenly dropped you on the ground when you didn’t expect it.You can’t accept the fact that they fooled you or manipulated you since day 1,it’s a really hard to swallow pill.You have mixed feelings of anger and love for him you can’t difference whats going on.There is hope inside of you that they will see their mistakes and change,you believe that the love that you are giving him is stronger then anything and you can change them and overcome this madness,you are basically reflecting your own emotions of sorrow,sadness,anger,grief.You loved this person genuinely and feelt for him from the deepth of your heart while they never loved you neither cared about you,all they cared about was what they could gain from you basically NS(Any form of admiration,attention,validation,adulation).There is a battle going on with your mind and body,trying to make sense of what happened,and you can never find the answers,because they make no sense at all.They never provided you closure,because they know how much effect that have in your life,so they wanna confuse you further more,or leave the option to Hoover themselves back in when they feel like.You let them surpass all your boundaries,you did whatever they asked you to do,you were the sweetest person on the planet,this caused you to shatter your self love,self esteem,self respect,self value and self care,you don’t possess anymore your old character you are just a shadow hidding in their back.If you had a chance to show them how much you love them,you would have even ripped your heart off for that person,while they never cared.You are surrounding yourself with questions like:Did he really loved me?Did i mean anything to him?How easy it was for him to move on like nothing happened,after all tho’s things that we head together and after all tho’s promises?Is it my fault?What could i have done differently?What does the other person possess more then i do that they are in the relationship with the NPD?Do i look that terrible,i mean if i head done my best they would have still been with me in the relationship right?What did i do wrong?The answer to all of your questions is simple NO,you didn’t do anything wrong,you have to know that you are dealing with an immature kid at the end of the day,who never grew up emotionally because of the childhood trauma they head,they don’t possess any Empathy,they can’t connect to people neither love them,since they have no idea what Love even means,so you have to convince yourself that you are the mature person and you have to walk away from them,you don’t need to fix anyone neither help anyone so they can love you,it’s not your job,you don’t either need toxic people in your life,you need someone stable who is stable with their feelings and accepts you the way you are,you don’t neither need to punish them,because they are already punished by life,it’s immature to seek revenge from a kid.HOW TO MOVE FORWARD?Accept the fact that you got fooled and manipulated.Accept the fact that the person never loved you,cared about you,respected you or valued you.Accept the fact that you never loved him,but you loved his mask or facade an illusion that he presented to you since day 1.Accept the fact that you did your best and no one could have done better the problem is them not you.Accept the fact that you deserve better,because you are human and you have rights not a monkey on their harem.Start regaining everything back by working on yourself,otherwise no one will do that for you,if you don’t bring yourself up no one will be able to bring you up.Take it as you are on a drug abuse rehab,the moment you give up to your feelings you are back to square 1,and all the effort will be gone and vanished while you are half way to get clean and sober.Accept the fact that you don’t need revenge,because that would only hurt you not them,revenge will make you no different then they are,with that they would turn you to them,soul sucking vampires,accept the fact that you are the mature person in here.Go out distract yourself have a wonderful time,listen to some rock n roll go crazy,and forget about them for your own sake and sanity.Go full No Contact cutting everything from them including social media and number,feel blessed that it ended and God saved you on the right moment from this person,it could have been much worst and they could have hurt you even more.God gives us the people that we need not the ones that we want,this was the most difficult test that he gave you,and if he removed this person from your life he head a strong reason behind that,accept the fact that what comes from God is always welcomed,and you don’t posses the strength to question his decision neither change his decision,he will give you the right person when you last to none expect it,have some faith and believe.AXL SALVATOR - FDA .Chapter 9.Depression in a Narcissist relationshipBased on personal experience and extensive reading, I would say the effect of becoming depressed while in a relationship with a narcissist is universal. I can't see how anyone could fail to become depressed. I am going to create an example, charting the dynamics of a relationship with a narcissist. Not all these dynamics apply to every relationship with a narcissist, and I will not be naming all of the dynamics that may apply.Let's look at these dynamics from the partner perspective:LOVE-BOMBING: This is intoxicating for the partner. The brain becomes drenched in a potent cocktail of pleasure-inducing chemicals like adrenaline, serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. Repeated surges of these chemicals create addiction, and addictions wreck lives, causing, among other things, depression. This is especially true of this particular addiction because the love-bombing phase with a narcissist will, by definition, end, leaving the partner with no substance to feed her addiction. It may be repeated, periodically, but it almost certainly will pale, with each subsequent dose, creating the unsatisfying experience described by drug addicts. Often, this phase will end entirely, leaving the partner to wonder what she did to lose the love of the narcissist. Destructive dynamics increasingly come to replace love-bombing. Destructive dynamics overlap in the love-bombing phase, creating a roller coaster experience of love and stress hormone rushes in the partner. Now the partner is intensely bonded to the narcissist, via oxytocin-bonding, and is flying wildly, high and low, on the rushes of her hormones.As the love-bombing phase peters out, the narcissist begins:LYING, CHEATING TRIANGULATING, DEVALUING AND PROJECTING: The love-bombing is an act that the narcissist can't maintain. He did it for the sake of getting "supply" from the partner, in the form of love, admiration, adoration and sex. Since it wasn't real, it quickly loses its flavor. The narcissist grows restless and bored. He starts working up new supply, and cheating. He neglects his partner, takes on a distracted air, becomes welded to his phone, and has new friends and activites that keep him busy and absent. In order to spice things up with his partner, he starts dangling his new supply in her face. Simultaneously, in order to keep his partner unbalanced and off his scent, he starts projecting his cheating onto her. He accuses her of either cheating on him, or thinking about it. The partner sees her relationship falling apart. She attempts to have a conversation about all the thing she sees going on. The narcissist starts:DENYING, DEFLECTING AND GASLIGHTING: He is offended!. His partner is imagining things! She is so jealous! What? Does she think he's having an affair? The partner clearly has trust issues! It isn't fair he should be judged by the same standard as her cheating ex. She needs therapy to get over her issues! She probably needs to be on medication if the relationship is to survive! He is so hurt, he is not sure he can get over this! Now the partner feels worried, ashamed and further diminished. In order to amplify this effect, the narcissist may employ:SILENT TREATMENT: The partner feels herself growing smaller, as a person. becoming less, as pieces of her self-esteem crumble off. From this smaller, quieter self, she observes intensely. At this stage, she needs evidence. Her mental health is at stake. She begins conducting an investigation. This can range from subtle interrogations, aimed at catching the narcissist in provable lies, to examinations of his phone, premises, clothing and effects, in search of physical evidence. She confronts the narcissist with the results of her investigation. This really blows the narcissist's game, and explodes the whole dynamic. At this point, war is declared by the narcissist. He will get this bitch in line or ELSE. The narcissist employs:RAGING, MIND FUCKERY, SABOTAGE, ENTRAPMENT, INTIMIDATION, THREATS, NAME-CALLING, SHAMING, TAUNTING, PHYSICAL ABUSE, SLEEP DEPRIVATION, SMEAR CAMPAIGNING, AND DISCARDING, IN COMBINATION WITH ALL OF THE AFORE-MENTIONED DYNAMICS: My narcissitic ex used to say to me, of his relationship with his second ex-wife: "It's a death match. It will never be over until one of us is dead." His first ex-wife WAS dead. I didn't see the hand-writing on the wall. I was blinded by "love."Is it possible to imagine any partner of a narcissist surviving these dynamics without becoming depressed?Sent from my iPhone

Union Public Service Commission commonly called UPSC is India’s premier recruiting department for the Government of India. The UPSC is responsible for conducting and employing civil servants for All India Services. Indian Administrative Services (IAS), is a dream for millions of students all across the country. Students like you, are the future of the Civil Services of our nation and it’s important for you to get the best possible guidance and training in order to succeed at your dream.Many IAS aspirants have a lot of questions for selecting an appropriate coaching and training center while preparing for the IAS exams like, what is the best coaching center in their city, how to select an IAS coaching center, which city to prefer to prepare for the IAS exams and so on. But now, you don’t have to spend hours on the computer looking for these answers because we have done that for you. WAC team has come up with an unbiased IAS coaching center judgment metric to provide you with a clear and well-researched list of IAS coaching institutes in Hyderabad for you to choose your ideal fitWHY HYDERABAD AS AN IAS COACHING CENTER?Hyderabad is not only an IIT station now but it is also emerging as a hub for IAS coaching across India. During the past few years, demand for IAS as a career option has increased in Hyderabad significantly. Hundreds of new UPSC coaching centers have emerged in the city with a vision to enroll Telugu speaking candidates across Andhra Pradesh and Hyderabad in civil services at the national level.After Delhi, Maximum Number of Students are enrolling themselves in different IAS coaching institutes in Hyderabad. It is one of the most popular destinations for IAS Aspirant since the cost of living in Hyderabad is very much affordable.The State Government of Hyderabad has also initiated various schemes to make IAS coaching in Hyderabad affordable and accessible for underprivileged and minority IAS aspirants. Some seats are reserved in every coaching center as well as in APPSC and TSCPC for minority civil service aspirants.1. Analog IAS AcademyAnalog Education Society was established with an aim to impart quality education both in terms of technical skills and all-round personality development. The first initiative was the establishment of ANALOG IAS INSTITUTE for aspirants preparing for the Civil Services Examination conducted every year by Union Public Service Commission(UPSC). Founded in 2002, analog ias institute has the distinction of producing All India toppers with its quality and effective teaching methodologies. This website is meant for those aspirants with a strong desire to be part of the most coveted Civil Services and contribute the best to public life.Mr. Srikanth Vinnakota, Director of the institute, himself an M.Tech in Mechanical Engineering, qualified for Civil Services Interview thrice with Mathematics and Psychology as Optionals. He has the distinction of producing All India Rank - 1(Revu Muthyala Raju) in Civil Services 2006 and here trained from the top IAS Coaching in Hyderabad, which is analog IAS. This is first-ever AIR - 1 from both Telugu States. "Srikanth Sir gave me a direction for my preparation” are the words of Mr. Revu Muthyala Raju and thanked his mentor in one of the largest gathered Seminars conducted at Domalguda, Hyderabad.“We have a vision and a mission, our mission is to achieve our vision that is to bring out the dormant talents, skills in the students that come to us. We believe that there is a great fire in everybody and the only effort required is ‘giving wings’ to that fire and ANALOG IAS™ helps it. When students come to us with a desire to achieve something significant in their lives that is for Civil Services Training, we make that desire ‘very intense’ and transform their desires and aspirations into achievements”, says Srikanth Vinnakota, the Director.2.RC Reddy IAS Study CircleRC Reddy IAS Study Circle was founded by Sri R.C. Reddy who successfully guided Civil Services aspirants in securing top positions in Civil Services for the last 39 years. Over the years many of the students got selected for I.A.S., I.P.S., Central Services like I.R.S., I.A.A.S., I.R.T.S., etc and State Services like Deputy Collectors, CTOs, A.C.T.Os, etc.RC Reddy IAS Study Circle was founded by Sri R.C. Reddy who successfully guided Civil Services aspirants in securing top positions in Civil Services for the last 39 years. Over the years many of the students got selected for I.A.S., I.P.S., Central Services like I.R.S., I.A.A.S., I.R.T.S., etc and State Services like Deputy Collectors,CTOs, A.C.T.Os, etc.Over the years, they have produced close to 30-40 rank holders in the Civil exams. Coaching in R.C. Reddy IAS Study Circle involves teaching techniques of intelligent preparation, imparting knowledge through lectures and study material, tests, evaluation, suggestions, etc. he standard of some questions of preliminary examination is high as some of the choices given are very close which make the task of choosing a correct answer very difficult.To tackle this type of problem and other problems pertaining to the understanding subject matter, they conduct lectures aimed at imparting necessary techniques and information along with objective type tests. Regarding Paper-II of Prelims, they explain to their students the methods of tackling Comprehension, Decision Making, Logical Reasoning, Data Interpretation, Basic Numeracy, etc.3.Braintree IAS AcademyFounded in the year 1991, Brain Tree is one of the oldest IAS coaching centers in Hyderabad. The institute has an impressive track record of facilitating students to join Central, State and All India services. The institute is founded by V. Gopala Krishna, a renowned academician whose articles on civil services has been published in a number of national and regional newspapers and has always helped students gain excellent insights about their career in civil services.Founded in the year 1991, Brain Tree is one of the oldest IAS coaching centers in Hyderabad. The institute has an impressive track record of facilitating students to join Central, State and All India services. The institute is founded by V. Gopala Krishna, a renowned academician whose articles on civil services has been published in a number of national and regional newspapers and has always helped students gain excellent insights about their career in civil services.Brain Tree offers courses for all the regular papers as well as anthropology and public administration. Regular tests, audio-visual aids, and lectures by serving and retired Civil Servants are some of the reasons that differentiate Brain Tree from other IAS institutes in Hyderabad. On average, the institute is known to have at least 20-25 candidates who succeed at every civil service examinations.Apart from the full-time Foundational course when begins in the month of June every year, the institute also has weekend batches for people who work but are willing to appear for IAS. Moreover, the institute also prepares the student for the Personality Test with the help of lectures on current affairs and mock interviews.4.Krishna Pradeep’s 21st Century IAS AcademyThe Sole Purpose of this Training is to give the candidates a learning domain that draws out the best in them. We trust that each youngster is blessed with an exceptional arrangement of characteristics and capacities, which should be supported so they can bloom into perfect identities. Hence, every candidate looks for the merits in training that cultivates scholarly perfection and all-round advancement and guarantees their prosperity. At kpIAS Institute, We are roused by these principles in all that we do.At Krishna Pradeep’s 21st Century IAS Academy we provide the best learning space that inspires and motivates the students and encourages them to explore limitless possibilities in their quest for knowledge. Since inception, our overarching goals have been to make Krishna Pradeep’s 21st Century IAS Academy a happy abode of professionals, where teaching is a pleasure and learning is a joy; where learning and excellence is a passion, and where ethics and values have a pre-eminent place for Intermediate students with strong civils foundation for inter with civil services and Degree Plus IAS coachingOur Moto is to place Telugu speaking states AP and Telangana among the top Inter with IAS Coaching admiration all integrated civil services. Join us the elite club of Krishna Pradeep’s 21st Century IAS Academy. Wherein we provide you the Best inter plus IAS and Degree plus IAS Coaching in Rajahmundry and Hyderabad.5.PLUTUS IAS COACHINGPlutus Academy is ranked no. 1 by our education's Best UPSC Coaching Institute in Hyderabad.It consists of a lot of well-experienced faculty members in their own specific domain of Specialization. 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Plutus Academy is the best choice for all the UPSC aspirants in Hyderabad.6.DR. K.S. Rao’s IAS AcademyDR.K.S.RAO’S IAS Academy has been working for many years now to successfully help students achieve their dreams of getting into prestigious IAS working posts. Their center has advanced classrooms and flexible timings making it preferable for many students to visit here. The faculty consists of teachers who are experienced and there are also qualified professionals who have previously hold reputed positions in the government. So the students get brilliant guidance under them successfully.7.IAS Brains InstituteIAS BRAINS is a culmination of commitment and action of individuals who dreamt of creating a unique platform for the aspirants of the nation’s most prestigious examination. Civil Services historically has been the most coveted and sought after career by the youth of India. Commonly known as the IAS exam, it is considered to be one of the toughest exams in the world. Persistence, hard work, time management and right guidance are crucial for cracking Civils. IAS Brains believe in imparting effective and innovative methods of preparation to those aspirants who dream of crafting their future in Civil Services. Unlike the traditional training methods, here we mentor the students to utilize their time and energy in the most productive way. For this, we have drawn the best in class faculty from across Delhi, Hyderabad, and Bangalore who has affirmed to draw the best out of our students. We have not only acquired the required infrastructures, expertise, and innovative techniques but also a fair reputation for our pioneering hard work and achievement. To make aware of latest developments, day to day affairs are brought to the notice of the students in a special session (Current Affairs). Considering the changes in the pattern of an exam in 2013, we have developed the best study material for the students. 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Pragnya IAS Academy has a presence in Bangalore, Hyderabad, and Delhi.9.CSB IAS AcademyCSB IAS Academy was founded under the guidance of Smt. Bala Latha who has topped the UPSC exams twice. They believe that every individual is capable of achieving whatever they want at any stage of their life.They want to prove that UPSC is the level playing field for everyone. Aspirants with hard work, passion and 100% dedication can achieve success in this examination. They at CSB IAS ACADEMY provided a roadmap to take aspirants for reaching their ambition.At CSB their goal is to nurture an ambitious mindset amongst aspirants. They encourage their aspirants to stay ahead in life by providing quality teaching and guidance.Smt, Bala Latha herself teaches International relations, Polity, Ethics, and Modern India. The other notable faculties are Environment and Science technology, Economy and Economy Survey, Geography, Biology, History, Art and culture. The classrooms are equipped with modern facilities to make teaching and learning both more interactive.10. Vali Rameshwar Rangaraya IAS AcademyVali Rameshwar's Rangaraya IAS Academy, Hyderabad, Kukatpally provides Coaching for IAS in Hyderabad. Vali Rameshwar's Rangaraya IAS Academy is best known for its IAS Coaching and Ranks #46 in IAS Coachings in Hyderabad. Are you looking to join Vali Rameshwar's Rangaraya IAS Academy courses or Vali Rameshwar's Rangaraya IAS Academy test series? Learn all details of Vali Rameshwar's Rangaraya IAS Academy fee structure, faculty, infrastructure and more below. Read Vali Rameshwar's Rangaraya IAS Academy, Hyderabad, Kukatpally center reviews before making a decision. Exambazaar offers an exclusive discount on Vali Rameshwar's Rangaraya IAS Academy fees which you can avail by applying online via Avail Discount Form.