Thank You For Your Donation In Lieu Of Flowers: Fill & Download for Free

Damn, I wish the “comment section” showed with the question.If they ask you make a donation towards a charity they feel is worthwhile, please do that first. [I wrote this before I saw you were morally opposed to the organization.] If you ARE morally opposed with good reason, I wouldn’t call attention to your philosophical differences at this time in the family’s grief.You can always have a very nice tray made up at a deli or bakery or supermarket if they are having people to the house after the funeral. You can send a fruit basket to their house.If you know the family well, and you know the funeral costs have stunned them, discreetly offer some financial support. Alice Vickerman suggested help from others when her brother died unexpectedly made it possible for them to have a decent funeral.Just to let you know, when people do ask for donations for a worthwhile charity: I work for a non-profit animal shelter. They are very grateful for the donations and write a thank you letter to the grieving family. That’s often how the person WANTED to be remembered.Don’t call attention to your differences, which is what sending flowers may do. They have enough to deal with. Send the food, send a card, but honor their wishes.

Much depends upon how close you are to the professor. You may just do nothing except to quietly and respectfully say, “I was sorry to hear about your (relation), when you see the prof. Beyond that, you could get a nice, almost generic sympathy card with no religious references unless you are certain of your professor’s religion. When you send this to your professor, sign it with your name, and possibly the class and section. After my sister passed away and I was responding to cards, there were one and I had no idea who the person was. I must have said something in the thank you note for the card or on Facebook, but the person did contact me and clear up the mystery. Depending upon the size of the college, etc. you may help your professor with a mystery before it starts. Whether or not you send this to your professor’s home or university address will depend upon you. If s/he does not have a private office, I would strongly recommend sending it to the home if you have the address.What you do beyond this will depend upon how close you were to the professor and you finances. I was a student for long enough to know that flat broke is often the state of affairs. Being a part of a group gesture can be very nice and a way for a group to pool their resources and give something meaningful to the bereaved. After my sister passed away, one of the offices under her supervision, collected money and gave her husband several restaurant gift cards enclosed with a sympathy card. Perhaps your class could collect funds to do this. But again, it is not necessary.Better than flowers, this is something your prof can use as kind of a respite away from the home and from doing something (cooking) that s/he doesn't’ feel like doing something. Simply put the gift card in with a sympathy card signed with the class name, time and section.If you notice, in the obituary that the family is asking for donations to a particular charity in lieu of flowers and you feel compelled to donate, then do it. Don’t worry that you don’t have a ton of money to donate. Most charities only provide the bereaved with a list of donor. Obviously this is just a nice thing to do and is by no means ‘required.’

Dear Concerned,The moment i chanced upon this enlightened question of yours i knew, only i can answer this query in detail. Finally we have a genuine entrepreneur like you among us, who has taken a professional approach towards Guruhood. With my vast knowledge and experience of this Indian Spiritual Industry, I’ll explain you how to make it big in this Indian Guru Market.First you should decide what kind of an Indian Guru you wish to be. Broadly that depends on your target audience/disciples. Never make the mistake of trying to become an Indian Guru acceptable to all classes. It is sure to misfire. Because of so much diversity in our social structure , we can't even agree on a one fits for all Indian Guru.On a macro level there are three kind of target audiences/ disciples in Indian context. In the text below, i’ll define each one of them and will guide you through the process to achieve your Guruhood of the specified target audience/ disciples.Lower Middle Class Audience/ DisciplesMiddle Class Audience/ DisciplesUpper Middle Class Audience/ DisciplesI have not mentioned lower class and upper class as they usually don't go looking for Gurus. Simple reason is, they don't need one. The people at the lowest level of our society are too busy trying to feed their families to listen to your gyaan. Neither they have any spare money whatsoever to put in your investment bank even though your promised return rate will make Apple Inc. shy. Hence they are out of question.The upper class, the rich ones, usually don't have time for this stuff. No matter what gyaan you try to sell them, they don't have time to listen to you, Neither they are so ignorant that they’ll volunteer to make you rich. Few of them who are really interested in spiritual stuff, they reach out to the real guys through their well placed connections.It is a general trend I have observed, however exceptions are always there.How to become an Indian Guru of Lower Middle Class Target Audience/ Disciples :Understanding Your Target Audience :The most important aspect of this business is understanding your target audience. You should have thorough knowledge of their social, economical and spiritual behaviour. In this case your target audience is lower middle class. This audience leads a struggling life trying to make ends meet. They don't have scope for luxuries. Saving a little money every month is their only investment target which they usually fail to achieve. They have small day to day problems and have small dreams. For a person from this audience, seeing his daughter or son getting a government job is like a dream coming true. If someone gets sick in his family, he talks less to the doctor and more to his Guru. What this audience need is a face with whom they can put their trust with. They don't get into what is God and what not. Our earlier middlemen of God have ruthlessly kept them away from God for centuries. They have lost trust in temples where they were not even allowed to enter. What they need is a face they can see whenever they want to, they need a voice they can hear, they need a hand they can touch. They need a person who has an aura around himself, no matter how fake that is, but they need to associate themselves with a person of worth in their eyes. They want to be associated with someone who tells them that come to me and i’ll remove all your problems and will lead you to a path of happiness. They want someone who can promise them prosperity, health and security in lieu of their small offerings. From their side also it is a simple business. They want a hill out of a mole but with justified spiritual reasoning of their own making. They don't have plenty of spare money. But for this pursuit of promised life they’ll even sacrifice whatever little they have saved.This target audience has almost no knowledge of any scripture old or new. They don't understand even a word of Sanskrit. Their perception of Dhyaan and Gyaan is what you tell them. They are not even interested in heaven or hell. They don't care where one goes after death. Their journey is all about their struggling everyday life. You can't sell them tickets to heaven, they won't buy it. They are only interested in making this life easier for themselves.All this information will help you in crafting your content part. Content here is not a problem at all. The people who’ll gather to listen to your sermons are not coming to listen to what you say, they are coming to see you, listen to your voice, to be a part of a cult they can call their own. They don't need God, they’ll make you their God.2. Area of Operations :This is the easiest feat to achieve with minimal amount of background work to be done. All the more it will fetch you with maximum number of disciples which means maximum revenue with minimum investment. Competition is tough here but this class is so huge in India that there is always a scope for a newcomer. You should be stationed at either of the following states, Punjab, Haryana, Western Uttar Pradesh, Rajasthan. All these states should be your operations area. This is where the real show happens. People have recently got to know two names from the existing Indian Gurus from this area when one was arrested for 6 murders in his premises and the other was convicted of raping his disciples recently. But what people are not aware of commonly, and you should be aware of is that there are at least 20–30 big Indian Gurus more who operate in this area with huge following among masses.3. Your Name and Your Look :Keep your title and name simple for this audience. In my experience, a simple ‘Baba’ works the best. Don't worry much about fancy titles initially, your disciples will give you many themselves later. You can use your real name also but it should be a common North Indian Rural Hindi name like Ramesh, Suresh, Rampal, Satpal. In case you have a modern name like Rohan, Kunal, Kartik etc. change it to kind of a name i suggested above.First of all, one thing that matters the most is your look. You should have long hair with beard. Black or white doesn't matter. Get yourself stitched 10–15 fancy bright colour Kurta Pyjamas with embroidery on the neck. You should also wear some fake big stone necklaces. Later you’ll have to go for a different dress for each of your sermons and real stones necklaces but here I am just trying to minimise your initial investment.4. Your Content :You should read 4–5 common books like , Kabeer scriptures, Rahim scriptures, Bulle Shah scriptures, Baba Ghulam Fareed scriptures. Don't read any scripture which is even remotely related to Hindu Gods. This is much study is more than enough for you to impress this audience. But kindly be noted that you need to find your niche, these books will only be used for references in between your sermons. Once this is done, you are all ready to impart knowledge to your target audience/ disciples.It doesn't matter what you preach, you can preach anything. For example if you start telling people that by eating 250 grams pakodas on a Monday they will become rich, its completely fine. None of them will ever question your authority on the subject. The key is whatever you say, say it with confidence. Be philosophical sometimes, start talking about Aatma and Parmatma, whatever comes to your mind with these words. Trust me your audience will listen to it with pin drop silence. Just be a good orator. The content doesn't matter with this target audience the thing that matters is , for how many hours can you keep on giving sermons. Talk about things you don't have a clue about confidently because neither your audience has a clue what you are talking. Remember this most important word, ‘Dhyaan’ and weave a story around it. Give it some common Hindi name which a commoner with no knowledge of Sanskrit or English can recite easily like Maha Dhyaan, Jagrati Dyaan, Divya Dyaan etc. This will be your USP. Just ask people to close their eyes and start thinking of you, rest of the Dhyaan techniques they will develop themselves .Never ever try to preach your target audience about Hindu Gods like Ram, Krishn, Shiv etc. Your target audience wants none of them. They are fed up with them that’s the whole reason they have come to you. Create a new God, give him the qualities your audience wants Him to have. Give your audience a simpler access to Him through yourself. Rab, Parmatma, Parampita, use these kind of words for Him. And He should never have a face or body, he should be Nirakar. Otherwise you are digging your own grave. People will slowly start putting their faith in That Face than yours.Arrange for a Bhajan Mandali. Get some bhajans written by any mediocre poetic disciple of yours praising your newly created God and get them sung at the end of your sermons on a daily basis with music. You’ll be amazed to see your audience dancing on these bhajans having no clue about what do they mean.Never say no to any person who wants to meet you initially. Remember, initially with almost no finances and without a PR agency, you need people to spread your words. Meet anyone and everyone on a daily basis, meet as many people as you can. They’ll all come for solutions of their everyday problems for which you have no cure but bless everyone. This is very important, even if someone wishes to spend a night on moon, bless him. By the law of probability and going by a very conservative estimate, out of 100 people you’ll bless, 5 people will get their wishes fulfilled. Now these five people will bring you 500 more. Trust me, 90% of the rest 95 will blame themselves not you for having their wishes unfulfilled.After you are established a bit, immediately start a local school or a hospital. This’ll give you a great PR. If anybody raises a question at you, you’ll have something to flaunt around. I can understand it will be a burden upon you early in your career but trust me, you need it.Will all this content i firmly believe you’ll become a successful Indian Guru in 4–5 years time. Break even should happen in the first year itself. For the start, this much is enough.5. Revenue Model :This business can be started with only an INR 10K investment. All you need initially are your designer Kurta Pyjamas and fake big stone necklaces. Now money will be hard to come by initially but very soon you’ll have enough for luxuries.Don't take donations initially, i mean never ask anyone to pay a single rupee for any purpose whatsoever. Put a simple ‘Daan Paatra’ at all the locations where your disciple is supposed to spend a minute or two. For example put one near the shoe stall. Put the biggest one just below the platform where you’ll be giving your sermons. If anyone insists on a donation to you or to your organisation, refuse politely. If someone insists even more and even after your polite refusal wants to make a contribution, direct him to your bigger Daan Paatra. Offerings will be small initially but they’ll be steady and will grow with your footfall.For the next stage, launch a free food for all scheme. A permanent Langar. Now for this, you don't need to spend a penny. Once you start it, your disciples will automatically provide for all the ingredients needed and you’ll also get ample unpaid manual labour ready to do sewa in your Langar. It is a very popular and time tested scheme successfully implemented by our many Indian Gurus. The person who comes for free food is not the person who doesn't have money to buy food. These will be the people who’ll eat their meals at your langar as a ritual. Its a complete social day out package where a family spends its time in the company of their Guru, listening to his bhajans, eating at his langar and go home after this spiritual picnic. Now when they eat your free food, they feel guilty of having eaten your food without paying for it. And be rest assured, if a person eats a meal worth INR 50, he’ll put at least INR 200 in your Daan Paatra.Once you grow more, you’ll start receiving lands as gifts from your disciples. These will be the lands where in the owner doesn't have a heir or if the land is disputed among many shareholders, one of them will sell you the land taking his share only and other holders will be too weak to take on you. Remember, you are a Respected Indian Guru now and nobody can touch you and you‘ll receive plenty of them. You can open your branches on these lands , start farming on these lands and you’ll grow your empire even more.Eventually, you can also enter into FMCG products business with your branding, which many of our famous Indian Gurus have pioneered. But you should always stick to basic everyday use products with cheap quality and 5% less price from the branded ones in economic segment. Trust me, sky is the limit.6. Political Patronage :No empire can survive without political patronage and with your kind of target audience you need it the most. Once you are established, you’ll start receiving politicians at your door. No they don't have any spiritual inclination neither they think you are any great, they simply know who you actually are and how you can influence voters in your area of expertise.The key is, don't get emotionally attached to any of the political party. Meet everyone, bless everyone publicly and when the time of election comes, decide for yourself which party is of maximum use to you. Be ruthless about it. With your target audience you have the luxury of openly telling your herd, which party they should vote for. If you wish, change your party affiliation to the other party, it won't affect your credibility in any way.What you’ll receive in return is, you’ll get a z plus security detail for free which will further inspire your target audience to be around you. You’ll receive government land for 99 years lease on a pittance where you can open any commercial establishment of your choice. You’ll have an upper hand against your adversaries and competitors. Trust me you need it.Do’s :a. Promote vegetarianismb. Special focus on drug deaddictionc. Only use Hindi in all your sermons, that too local slang.Dont’s :a. Do not accept any donations initiallyb. Stay away from wine and womanc. Don't eat non vegetarian foodd. Never criticise any other competitorAll the best my upcoming Indian Guru !How to become an Indian Guru of Middle Class Target Audience/ DiscipleUnderstanding Your Target Audience :Now this is the toughest nut to crack. This middle class target audience will be your real test, reason being of all the classes i defined above, this target audience has been fed this spiritual dose for thousands of years. They have an ear for it. Most of our past and present day Indian Gurus are the inventions of this class only.This class has reasonable amount of spare money however not abundant. And as part of their budgeting they keep certain amount separately for buying tickets to heaven. This is the most populous target audience and here you’ll find your toughest competitors. Starting from a neighbourhood temple priest to well organised billionaire Indian Gurus like the ones you aspire to become one day. And trust me there are at least a million of them if not more. Categories are different depending upon the IQ level of individuals but they are all selling these tickets to heaven and most of this target audience is buying it from one source or the other.With this class you must understand that they love their Gods. Whatever web you weave must be woven around all these Gods only. And you can't be choosey about the choice of a God. Unlike the earlier case, here you need to take every God and His followers with you. Only then you can think of becoming a True Indian Guru with mass following.This is the target audience which is most fearful of God. Most of these people have temples at their homes where they do their morning and evening rituals and also they are the ones who frequent temples in hordes. They don't do pooja because of their love for God, they do it because they are afraid, if the God doesn't get His daily quota of light, praise, incense and food, He is bound to punish them. A new entrant to this audience starts with praying for favours from his/her favourite God and after that he/she prays so that that favours remains throughout and more favours come his/her way.The key is to play on their fear of God. Since time immemorial most of our Indian Gurus have done the same and they are still doing the same. It is a time tested weapon against this target audience.This target audience needs an Agent between them and their God, as their God doesn't talk to them. To send their letters of requests to Him, they need a good post man who can duly deliver the message. This is the vacuum you are supposed to fill.Never try to become their God like in the earlier case. These people know their God more than you can ever imagine. They know what flower He likes, what colour He likes, what clothes He wear, they even know for sure that He is a vegetarian. This target audience also know what does their God do in His spare time. Well.. He runs ponzi schemes for his devotees with a guaranteed 125000 times return over investment in His free time. You must have heard this famous saying ‘ TU EK RUPYA DEGA, WO SAWAA LAAKH DEGA’ ‘ IF YOU SPEND ONE RUPEE ON HIM, HE IS BOUND TO GIVE YOU HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES TO YOU. Never try to put any sense into their thoughts, they don't need any. Go for the real thing, they are here to buy their tickets to heaven and you as God’s favourite ticketing agent directly from the hidden caves of Himalayas are here on His order to sell them those tickets.2. Area of Operations :For this target audience your area of operations becomes wider. You can operate from either of the following states, Gujrat, Maharashtra, Madhya Pradesh, Uttar Pradesh, Bihar, Haryana anywhere in the Central and North India. In this case your disciples will be spread over a vast area, they won't be found in a particular zone like in the earlier case.Once you start moving up the ladder of this business of Spirituality, competition becomes thin but the competitor becomes stronger. Select a location where your competitor doesn't have his head office. For example if he is a Gujarat based competitor, you choose Maharashtra. As of now Uttar Pradesh seems to be the best choice. It is the most populous state with no tall standing competitor of yours.You must be assuming why i didn't talk about entire India as your would be covered area. There is a reason to it. This target audience exists in huge numbers in every part of India but their languages are different. They have their own Regional Indian Gurus who speak their native language and you’ll never be able to win over them.3. Your Name and Your Look :Name again plays a big role here. Understand you are dealing with a slightly more educated target audience here. They may have never read Ramayan or Geeta but they have seen all the episodes of Ramayana, Mahabharta, Devon ke Dev Mahadev, Shri Krishna etc. Most of them have read common scriptures like Ramcharitmanas and others. These audiences like their Gurus to be Munis and Rishis. Or at least to look and speak like them as they have seen in all those mythological dramas on TV. The best titles for you will be Muni …. , Rishi…, Maharshi…. Yogi…..Brahamrishi… Swami…This audience likes Sanskrit in your title and name. No matter if they can't understand even a line of Sanskrit but if you have Sanskrit in your name, you are most likely to be accepted as a Genuine Indian Guru at the first stroke. They like whatever is old apart from wine. So choose a name which has a bit of Sanskrit in it. It is also advisable if you have a suffix to your name with a prefix. Anand and Nath are the most common suffixes these days. Your name could be like Maharshi Anekanand Nath, Muni Aghdanand Saraswati. Choose these kinds of a name.As you move up the ladder, your look becomes simpler. You should look more saintly. Have long hair and a flowing beard. You can score some extra points with white hair and beard but well, that is not in our hands.The luxury of flaunting those designer Kurta Pyjamas is gone. Here you need to wear a Lungi and a Simple Shawl on your upper part. This comes with only two colour options, Saffron or White. You can wear any of these colours, different shades of these colours will also do. Also the necklace material can't be the same. No more colourful stones. You should wear two necklaces one of Sphatic and one of Rudraksh. Try wearing Khadau instead of shoes or sandals for bonus points at least in public.4. Your Content :In this case your content will matter a bit but don't worry its not that difficult. For this you need to read books like Ramcharitmanas, Shiv Mahapuran, Srimad Bhagwat, Sadhak Sanhita, Guru Geeta, at least 10–15 of them. It doesn't matter if you can't understand a word of them. Just go through the Hindi translation of each of these books and rote whatever you can of them. Also rote some 40–50 Sanskrit Shlokas. 50 % of them should be commonly known and rest should be hard or impossible to find by a common disciple of yours.At this juncture you’ll have two choices. One, you can focus on the stories from our mythology and religious texts and create your web around it. Keep on explaining them to your audience who however have listened to them 100 times before but still love to listen to them. You need to be a star stage performer for that. You should laugh hysterically without a joke while orating , sometimes cry so loudly that the crowd also start crying whenever you are telling any sad part of a mythological story, even dance sometimes in ecstasy whenever you reach a joyful moment in your tale and be rest assured the public will also dance with you and will keep on dancing even after you have moved on to another chapter. A good Kurta Pyjama clad religious looking music band is a must for this path. In the 90s it was in popular fashion. There is a city called Vrindavan where the whole city is into this business only for the past 200 years.Many famous Indian Gurus followed this path and became successful. However for the last decade or so, this path has been unable to attract masses.Two, you create your own niche in a more Sanskrit based and difficult to understand theory. You never create a unique theory here, you simply confuse your audience with a new similar theory every time to the point they stop using their already tired brains looking for any meaning into it. The theory should always revolve around their Gods. It gives weight to your theory. Keep on adding the Spice of a Sanskrit Shloka after every 20–30 lines or so of your sermon. Never try to be too creative with this target audience. They don't like changes much. Just offer your recipe with one or two spices here and there and you’ll find millions of takers.The key here is the language and your pronunciation. Here you’ll have to speak Pure Hindi/ Shuddh Hindi mixed with Sanskrit phrases here and there. Do it with the perfect look i advised for this audience and you will win these masses. It’ll take you some good homework to reach at this level but with practice you’ll be able to converse in this Unique 90 % Pure Hindi + 10% Sanskrit Mix. Do not worry at all if you utter a Shloka incorrectly or if you forget the other line. The people you’ll be facing have no clue what are you talking about. But don't make mistakes in the Hindi part of your sermon. people will judge it easily.This interesting target audiences love to bribe their Gods in lieu of favours. Provoke them to bribe more but only through you as you are the only sovereign guardian of their money. The more they’ll bribe the more influence you’ll have. Slowly and steadily nurture their nature of bribing. It only makes the ticket to heaven costlier and gets you more money.You’ll need more than a Bhajan Mandli from here to grow further. Get a stage performance troupe of your own. They’ll do the Arti with slow dance moves and will further inspire the audience to dance in ecstasy with them later in the meditational part of your sermon. Don't focus too much on meditation here with this audience, a good number of them must have had attended a course in meditation from somewhere. They didn't find it interesting enough that’s one of the reasons they are here.The point to focus upon is this word ‘Sanyam’ ‘ celibacy’ . These target audiences love to know that their Indian Guru is a Brahmachari/ Celibate and he practices and preaches celibacy. It gives more confidence and a sense of security to your female audiences. Furthermore In India, people love this concept of celibacy while we have sex more than any other nation in the world. We are world’s fastest growing population by the way. But never say it.. just tell them what feats can they achieve by refraining from sex. And Oh ! don't worry about the future of your disciple’s, they in any case are not going to follow this part of your sermon. But you still need to say it emphatically if you wish to become a Real Big Indian Guru here.You also need to celebrate all indian festivals related to North and Central Indian Gods like Shivratri, Janmashtami, Navratr and so on with great pomp and show. Understand you are dealing with people who believe in different Gods and you as their common Indian Guru can't differentiate. This almost monthly exercise serves two purposes. One, You’ll have a better connect with your audience on a personal level as you’ll be meeting them almost on a monthly basis. Two, you’ll receive a lot of revenue in the form of donations during these festivals. See, your audiences bribe their God more on certain dates.Bless them all alike initially like in the previous case. Never promise anything but also never refuse to bless anyone. If some jerk comes later to you claiming that your blessings didn't work, tell him calmly that his heart is not pure. Give him some more gyaan on Sanyam/ Celibacy and he’ll never come back to you.Now its time for you to start a fortnightly or monthly magazine for your disciples. It again serves two purposes, one, you don't let them forget about you. You keep on knocking on their doors every other weekend. It’s about keeping your herd together. Moreover you get the access to other new potential audience as well. Magazines are not only read by their buyers, specially a spiritual looking one. They are distributed like Prasad to everyone the native thinks, he can enlighten after getting enlightened through it. Keep it a low cost affair. Ideally do it on no profit no loss basis. Its after benefits are huge. Do not worry too much about its content. Simply google a spiritual topic and cut copy paste. The original writer must be a nobody, this thing should be kept in mind while selecting the content. Pick at least 20 such contents for every edition of your publication. Moreover carefully insert at least 10 stories under fake names of your disciples thanking you for the ‘Chamatkaar’/ ‘Miracle’ they experienced after being blessed by you.You just need these fake stories only for initial 2–3 editions, after that people will themselves start sending you these stories in hundreds. Out of them choose stories where your disciple got seriously ill with a life threatening disease and after your blessing became fine. Also select the stories where your disciple got broke and after your blessing became a king again. That’s it. You are home.Start some charity now. Don't worry, you don't need to invest a single rupee from your pocket for that. These are all self sustaining drives, you’ll instead end up making money out of your charity projects through donations.The more intelligent of your followers don't like to give donations directly. They have this notion that you are already rich and why should they make you even richer. But they love to donate for social causes. By providing them an outlet where they can donate without guilt makes both of you happy. Your kind of person needs two types of charities, one , which are fixed assets, like a hospital, a residential school all completely free for everyone, two, charities which are movable like an eye surgery camp every 15 days, a blood donation camp etc etc. As your covered area is huge, you can't have a fixed charitable institution everywhere at least initially. So movable charity projects are a good idea for your brand promotion.Do the stuff as i have described and you are home.5. Revenue Model :With this target audience your coffers need to be really big. You’ll have multiple revenue sources and you’ll have to have a good teams of auditors and chartered accountants to handle your money wisely.First and the biggest liquid cash source will be donations. Your target audience loves to donate in one form of the other. Put Daan Patras at strategic locations initially as described in the earlier scenario and they’ll fill up in no time. Later remove Daan Patras and have specific offices instead at all your locations where your audiences also get a receipt for the donation made. It’ll give more legitimacy to your empire. Don't worry about the taxation part of it, a receipt is only a piece of paper for audience’s mental satisfaction. Fan this theory of Gupt Daan in your sermons and you’ll be even more safe.Run Free Food scheme for all as mentioned in earlier case at all your centres and your revenues will be sky rocketed.You’ll receive lands in form of donations more with this audience. However the difference will be that you won't receive big chunks of agriculture land as in earlier case. Remember, your target audience is urban now. You’ll receive smaller plots and houses but in bulk. You can go for an ashram in almost all districts of your area of influence in no time with the bigger plots you receive. For smaller plots and houses, when you have a good number of them from one location, sell them all and tell your audience that you’ll be buying a big land from all those earnings to set up a bigger ashram in that area. Now buy land near the biggest of the plot you have received and set up an ashram there. It’ll leave you with enough cash to spare even after buying all the nearby land.From all your charity centres you’ll receive enough revenues.After you are established, you should immediately go for FMCG products under your brand name. Don't go for clothes and stuff , focus only on FMCG. Remember, you already have a big consumer base who trusts you more than anyone else. This is a sure shot way to success.6. Political Patronage :For this target audience you need to play your political card wisely. You can't simply issue a voting appeal for a particular political party. Remember, you have a hug following which votes for different political parties as per their different regional aspirations. You meet every politician publicly without any discrimination. You wont get the same milage as you’ll receive in earlier case. May be a y security detail at the most but this’ll have hidden benefits. The politicians will help you manage your fairly gotten money with the help of their already established businessmen friends, obviously for a little cut. Also suppose if tomorrow you want to enter into Ayurvedic Medicine venture, just name it like Jambudweep Ayurveda Research Centre and you don't need to worry about its land cost anymore. The government will give you land for free. Just be cautious never to reveal your political preferences.Do’s :a. Preach Vegetarianism minus Onion and Garlic. Declare them Tamsik.b. Promote Cow Protection, open Few Gaushalasc. Remember and Preach your Golden Word ‘ Sanyam’ and Mention it in all Your Sermons, it Saves You from any Initial Scrutiny.Dont’s :a. Abstain from Wine and Woman till the time you want your Empire to remain Intact.b. Never Criticise any of your Competitorsc. Stay away from any Controversy.How to become an Indian Guru of Upper Middle Class Target Audience/ Disciples :1.Area of Operations :Your area of operations is pan India now. Your language of communication is English mostly now. Your target audience understands english no matter from which part of India they are from. You’ll also get some percentage of international audiences also but they are byproducts of your marketing exercise. You focus should be on this english speaking Indian upper middle class.2. Understanding Your Target AudienceNow this on is tricky. You really need to understand everything about their behaviours before you even think of becoming their Guru. This audience has money, property, self respect. They are not even afraid of their Gods. They know its too middle class to light a deepak every morning and evening in front of a Godly picture. They are educated and not interested in rites and rituals. They think these are all old orthodox systems invented by primitive people. They are philosophers in their own sense. This is younger crowd, mostly self made. They’ll only stay with you for a short duration, at the most 4–5 years, after that they’ll get too busy with their lives and will have no time for your gyaan, 80% of them. Rest 20 % will stay with you forever but don't worry every year you’ll receive fresh supply of your disciples. You can call them Spiritual Tourists. Remember that dialogue from movie Deewar, Mere paas bungalow hai, gaadi hai, bank balance hai, tumhare pass kya hai ? They want to fill this gap. This audience wants to scream , mere paas bunglow hai, gaadi hai, bank balance hai, aur Guru bhi hai.Remember, this is the audience which will make you stand in the company of Billionaire Indian Gurus. They won't be really big in numbers as in earlier cases but they have deep pockets with an irresistible desire of buying your spiritual knowledge. They have a consumer mindset, thanks to your predecessors who have taught them that they can buy enlightenment for a little pricy mrp tag.Most of them have read Sigmund Freud, George Bernard Shaw, Khalil Gibran, Rumi and so on and almost all of them have read Linda Gudman’s Love Signs at some point in their lives. Almost all of them have tried their hands on this or that technique of meditation as defined by your western competitors. Everyone of them comes with an individual world and spiritual view. They already know that there exists something called Healing, Emotional Healing, Pranic Healing, Reiki etc and people can be sent their healing quota through vibrations from thousands of miles away. I know it sounds weird but what can you do for that .They are yoga enthusiasts, they know the basis cardiac exercises taught to them in the name of yoga.They speak fluent english unlike the previous audiences. They won't go for any Indian Guru even remotely associated with a Religious Tag. They are looking for deep spiritual stuff which their predecessors had no clue about, armed with their recently acquired knowledge.They think inside a limited scientific sphere. Their spiritual shopping should happen within this scientific shopping mall of theirs. Every theory or practical they want to know or experiment should remain limited to this cocoon only.3. Your Name and Look :Understand you are not only an Indian Guru here, you are a Spiritual Entrepreneur . You’ll need an angel investor before you even start this journey towards Modern Sainthood unless you have saved enough for this spiritual business venture.Name part is easy. Focus on a name with a touch of Sanskrit with a modern outlook. Sanskrit names suggested in the earlier case won't do here, they are too middle-class for this audience. You can still use prefixes like Mahrishi, Brahmrishi and Guru and suffixes like Yogi, Brahmyogi etc. But your middle name should be contemporary with a touch of Sanskrit. Something like Mahrishi Anant Yogi, Shri Adwait Bhaskar Brahmyogi. Think of these kind of names.Your look will matter a lot, really a lot to this audience. remember its an audience with a consumer mindset. Your packaging will attract your disciples more than anything at the first sight. You must have long hair and a beard. This audience wants a traditional appealing face with a modern outlook. You should go for whites only now, Saffron may do also but white is my preference for you. The material of your upper shawl and your lungi should be of the finest quality. Try Belgium linen and Egyptian cotton.You should always look youthful. You’ll need a team of good make up artists all the time with you. Remember carefully, never ever step out even of your restroom without having that glowing face. This is not asking for too much keeping in mind that you are out to made a billion dollar empire.4. Your Content :Content is your weapon with this audience. You’ll have to do at least 2–3 years of rigorous homework before you even put your first step on this journey. It may take you even longer depending on your IQ level. But without it you won't survive even for a day in this market.English should be your preferred language. Remember, you are dealing with an audience who knows Hindi or any other regional language but prefers to communicate in English. Read and rote all works of Sigmund Freud, Bernard Shaw, Khalil Gibran, Rumi, Vedas, Upanishads, Shastras, Guru Yog Vashistha, all Samhitas and most importantly Geeta. You must learn Geeta by heart so that you can fix any of its shloka anywhere between your theory. It’ll give you immense legitimacy.Your theory has to be carefully crafted taking elements of ancient Indian knowledge and mixing them with its half baked versions written by the western authors. Read all the books written by our most famous 1970’s sex Guru. He had already researched a lot and derived his own unique theory based upon the synthesis i described above. Don't copy it as it is, this is only a reference material. Two biggest competitors of yours are already using his research in their respective unique theories. Just carefully weave your web taking elements from here and there. See, the key is to keep the theory complex to keep our audience confused. And you need a huge theory so that it becomes impossible for your target audience to understand what to make out of it unless they research it over the years and realise that there is nothing one can make out of it . Don't be scared, this is not gonna happen ever. Even if someone devotes his life to understand your theory and realise after wasting ten years go his life that you were just playing with words, even then he can't do any harm to you because there will be millions others who will still be under your influence to ward off that negative being. You are dealing with an audience who will remain under your influence for a shorter period of time. They are not even interested in transforming their lives using your theory. They are willing to get validated, what have they been thinking for years after reading the kinds of books i described above. You validate their own versions with authority and they are happy.The first most important word for you to spellbound your target audience is ‘Technique’. It comes with two names, one is ‘Kriya’ the other is ‘Yog’. Your audiences here are not lethargic, neither they can keeping on reading and debating your theory. They need activity. This is the most important part of your content.So you invent a Kriya or Yog by mixing a basic yoga exercise with a basic pranayam and give it a unique fancy name like Tatvdarshan Kriya or Vishuddh Yog. The key is that one set of this kriya or yog should atleast go on for 2–3 mins. You don't need any deep knowledge or research for it. Just a fancy name with any permutation and combination of basic yoga and pranayam will do. Add any impossible to find but easy to recite mantra to it and it’ll become your deadliest weapon. This Kriya or Yog will be your fastest selling off the shelf product and the basic source of your income initially. Later you can also add on different courses for different time durations adding your sermon lesson and your Kriya or Yog exercise. You need to have a very good first hand literature on how this Kriya and Yog can transform lives of the human race. The reader should feel that without this Kriya/Yog in his/her daily life, he/she would die like an ignorant being and the only thing which can save him/her from dying without enlightenment is this Kriya/ Yog. Again you create a complex web of a theory around it which claims to enhance the recipient’s energy level and takes him/her towards the ultimate realisation.The most important point with this product is, never sell it for free. Keep a pricy tag attached to it. So that whosoever buys it, he/she receives the energy associated with it. If you keep it free, people will complain that it doesn't help achieving anything but the moment they buy it for a high price, they’ll start telling themselves that ‘it works’. This’ll keep your disciples satisfied and will bring you more of them.The second most important word for you is ‘Energy’. You talk energy, you walk energy, you eat energy, you shit energy. Remember, everything is energy. Your competitors are using this word on a daily basis but it is still not oversold. Just change the theory around it a bit and it’ll work for you.Remove this word ‘ Sanyam/ Celibacy’ from your dictionary if you wish to be a True Indian Guru for this audience. If you utter this word even once in front of your target audience, they’ll all run away and will never come back. Refrain from chancing upon this topic everyday in your sermons. Invent a new fancy phrase for sex like Sacred Union of Two Energies. Just drop this hint in few of your sermons that its a spiritual process contaminated by our ignorance about the philosophical aspect of it.Write 15–20 books on diverse topics including the Sacred Union of two Energies. You don't require a lot of content for that. These will be 100 pages books , each dealing with a different aspect of your spiritual knowledge. 50% content of all your books will remain the same, rest you’ll have to juggle out.Create your own festivals. Celebrating Indian festivals will make you one from the crowd. Create your own festivals at your ease and celebrate them with all pomp and show. Invite the politicians and government of the time to it and you’ll get their support in organising it. It’ll also make you loads of money as here to this target audience, you sell everything. Nothing comes for free. Entry fees, accommodation charges, food bills everything will fetch you money. Target for at least half a million attendees and stretch it for 3–4 days to get the max out of it.Remember, at this stage you’ll be invited as a guest speaker for lots of events where you’ll have to give a moving speech about your movement. Well, that’s not a problem for you. The problem will be if they have live question answer session between their attendees and you. I am sure with the bag of knowledge you carry, you’ll easily silence the questioner but what if some jerk asks you an intelligent question which you have no clue about ? Trick of the trade is, dodge that question with a smile. Watch a lot of youtube videos of your current competitors doing it every now and then and master the art.For marketing purposes you’ll receive enough well educated unpaid manual labour who’ll take offs from their offices and will distribute your fliers in local markets trying to enlighten others. On weekends you’ll receive so many applications for this unpaid manual labour pending in front of you that your fliers supply will not be enough for the day.Once you are established, go for paid advertisement. Try youtube, Facebook, national newspapers, any media you can get your hands on. English Channels will sell you their airtime for a spiritual discourse on a discount as they are also aware how you are spending your hard earned money just to enlighten this society. Trust me, no-one will ever doubt your good intentions.Give your organisation names like Knowledge centre, xyz foundation, abc mission. Never ever call it an Ashram or Sanstha, that’s too middle class for your audience.Do charity that appeals to the class not the mass. With your newly found money, by big farms, produce only organic stuff and sell it to the same well educated free of cost manual labour who have toiled hard in your fields to make it grow on 10 times profit. Go for luxury Ayurveda products range and sell this one too on a 10 times margin and trust me no one will question you about your margins as no one knows what goes inside it.Open a huge school and a huge multi speciality hospital and keep it free for all and it’ll work wonders for your PR. Your PR agency will make sure that you are photographed enough with patients to maintain your saintly image. Lot of other PR exercises will be suggested to you if you go for a good agency. Follow their professional advice and you’ll be home.5. Revenue Model :Donations will never be a major part of your spiritual business empire. Your empire will work more like a corporate company selling spiritual remedies and products. In most of your products, there is no raw material cost involved. Your more influenced disciples/customers will teach your Kriya/Yog techniques to your new disciples/customers for free at your centres across the country but these new disciples/customers will pay you few thousand rupees in fees for a 3–4 hours class. No other industry can work on these margins in this world other than yours.Product sales from organic, ayurvedic stuff will also be a significant part of your revenue generation.You’ll work on franchise model for expansion. Where in you’ll give the license to open your spiritual shop/centre to a wealthy and influenced channel partner for a nonrefundable sum. Even if you keep it refundable to satisfy a skeptic channel partner, you can easily enjoy annual interest on the deposit made for good 4–5 years.Sales from your literature and audio/video will never be a significant part of your revenue generation. These are more for PR exercise.If we look at the numbers of your would be disciples and the margin you’ll be charging, in 2–3 years time, you’ll enter the club of Billionaire Indian Gurus.6. Political Patronage :In this case you won't receive any serious political patronage and trust me you don't need any. You just invite the ones in power and in opposition equally to your festivals and functions and that would be enough. Understand you are pan India now, and you should be seen as a person who is above all this little realities of life like politics. Now you would be attending world spiritual events, some foreign assemblies will also invite you to enlighten them.Remember, you are beyond the boundaries of nation, religion, caste and creed now. And your sole purpose is to spread peace and harmony among humankind.Do’s :a. Spread Vegetarianism with no likes or dislikes for Onion and Garlic.b. Promote Organic way of lifec. Quote from various scriptures but never tread on the Religious PathDont’s :a. Stay away from controversies and political alignmentb. Never criticise any competitorSo, my dear Upcoming Indian Guru Sensation, take your pick from any of these options available and i assure you, you’ll make a wonderful Indian Guru. I have summarised my answer to your query in this ‘ pocketbook for making it big in Indian Guru Market’PS : This piece is a work of satire written in a light hearted manner . I am not against any Spiritual Organisation or any Guru or its disciples or followers. Above stated work of literature is based upon my keen observation for the past 15 years of our Indian Spiritual Industry and on my many one to one clandestine conversations with most of the past and current Big Indian Gurus.RegardsAghor Bhadra