Adult Batterers Treatment: Fill & Download for Free

His theories about transference in the client - therapist relationship are wrong. The therapist does NOT want to discourage the transference. The therapist watches for the transference to occur so that it can be brought out into the open and looked at, discussed, and understood. If he’s trying to say his “cold therapy” is unique in that it encourages the transference, then he’s full of sh*t. It’s not unique and it’s not new. It’s been done that way since Freud had his patients on the couch.Transference is the meat and potatoes of psycho-dynamic based therapy, but it’s not the therapist’s job to force the transference the way he’s suggesting. That’s abusive. It’s the therapist’s job to be alert to it when it happens, and then not shy away from it, but deal with it. He couldn’t be more wrong when he says normal therapy tries to discourage transference. That’s as wrong as can be. He’d never pass a licensing exam saying that.He’s also comparing treatment of PTSD in children to NPD in adults. Children’s brains, thought processes, personalities are still malleable and undergoing changes. Adults are not, or at least not nearly as much as in childhood. They are not comparable.I would have grave doubts and serious ethical concerns about his idea of re-inflicting trauma on any client, let alone one with NPD. That’s messed up. You don’t need a degree to understand that. He’s getting his ideas from Hollywood, not from valid practice or theoretical and tested frameworks. Those traumas will be reenacted in the course of therapy as it is; there’s no need for him to force it. You wouldn’t suggest a rape victim be ‘re-raped’ by the therapist in order to bring the trauma to the surface and work through it. You wouldn’t suggest a battered wife re-experience being battered in order to heal. What the hell is he thinking, that re-traumatizing an NPD is going to make it all better? He’s dangerous.

Being bullied is a Traumatic event or events; therefore a person could easily develop Posttraumatic Stress Disorder symptoms that relate to trust issues, intimacy issues, fear of intimacy, low self-esteem and overall poor ability to attach to others due to fear of being hurt again.These events are significantly connected and yet the person that is the victim of being bullied may not understand the connection, especially later. Often they can develop maladaptive defense mechanism to cope, including anger or a tendency to maintain a victim stance, a sense of hopelessness and even co-dependency issues, which doesn’t translate to healthy intimacy.Many of the clients I see for domestic violence batterers treatment often have a history as a victim of childhood abuse and even bullying. For my clients, being angry and abusive helps them feel safe. They do not see the correlation between the little boy or little girl they once were, to the adult they are today that has a very poor ability to understand how to deal with what feels like negative emotions to them, feeling vulnerable and even trusting others enough to grow healthy intimacy.

I’ll share a story and I hope you’re smart enough to understand why.Growing up, I knew a boy that was my same age and who lived down the street. We went to the same school and we became friends. I went to his house but he was never allowed in mine. He had a very controlled environment. His mother had black eyes from time to time, she didn’t have a car and didn’t work. He finally told me his father abused them all. He had a younger sister and swore that if he ever hit her he would kill him. It was so sad to me because he was only a child- without choice of his home. We didn’t see ourselves as children, we were completely grown up at the ripe age of 8–12!One day another school friend and I walked to his house and heard him screaming and crying from the street. Neither of us dared to knock on the door. We both cried and ran back to my house. I spoke to my mom about what was happening. And my friend called our teacher and told her.I was no longer allowed to play with him or go into his house. As an adult I understand why my parents made this call but as a child I was so very upset with them. I felt they should help me to help him. They did, but I had no idea.Family and children’s services was called by the school and both my parents and my girl friends parents. An investigation happened. Within 2 weeks, they moved out and I never heard from them again.Until…. I saw on the news one night that a man had hanged himself in a prison shower. He was there for the second time for domestic violence and was probably looking at serving some serious time. My heart nearly stopped in my chest because it had been 20 years since seeing his face but, it was my friends face all the same. And he was pronounced dead by suicide. It made me cry. He, from birth, had such a hard life. I looked at my family at our dinner table that night and I was so very thankful for all that I had. It made me wonder if he would have had a better life if his mother had just left. What if she had packed after that first slap? He was so smart and wanted to be an architect. Would he have gone to college? Would he have known what it was to have a wonderful family like mine?His mom stayed. So, I’ll never know.So in short, NO. You shouldn’t hit back. Hitting is never okay. No one should be able to hit another person and feel ‘accepted’ because of it. You should leave. There is another rule here, “If he does it once he’ll do it again.”I’m not sure what your home life is like, by this I mean, I’m not sure if you are both verbally combative with each other or not. This is certainly a horrible place and atmosphere for your son. It’s toxic. It generally spreads from one generation to the next because parents who hit each other and who verbally and mentally abuse one another usually do it to their children or in front of them. (In this case, your husband slapping you in front of your son.)Go to a parents house or a friends house if possible. Stay there until you can both go and see a counselor. Your son will need someone to speak to as well but, your son’s counselor should not be the same as yours. Make a huge deal out of what your husband did so that your son sees that it was wrong.Please get help. I don’t mean normal battered women’s help. You need help for yourself as well because to even ask a question like this here is disturbing in and of itself and it’s quite telling about you as a person.Unless you’re simply trolling. Which is a 50/50 chance I suppose. If it is (in a way) I’m glad because it means no child has been put in the middle of your mess.