Brains In Gear Big: Fill & Download for Free

You don’t often get the chance to fully answer the “what’s it like to have ADHD?” question. People expect a quick 2-line answer. If only it was that easy. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until my mid-20s, so keep in mind that my experience might not exactly be typical.What’s it like? Analogies relating to cars are a popular way to equate roughly what it’s like to deal with ADHD, probably because they’re an easy way to explain ADHD to a newly-diagnosed 6 year old. A popular ADHD book for kids does just that They’re pretty damn good at illustrating some of the issues. Someone else used “understeer” as a part of their description of what living with ADHD is like and I immediately laughed a bit. I know exactly what they mean. However, this isn’t Top Gear and the car analogies seem a little played out to me, so I’ll go with my own much stranger but hopefully more original description of having ADHD.Think of your brain as a big rolling field surrounded by a fence with huge gaping holes in it. Fill the field with 127 toddlers. Not 125, not 150, not 130, but exactly 127. Then litter the field with thousands of random things. Tasty things, healthy things, toys, matches, gasoline, pointy things, stabby things, safe things, shoot-y things, dangerous things, cute things, but absolutely zero adult supervision of any kind. Oh, throw in a couple of domesticated lions as well. Toddlers like lions. Then feed all the children raw sugar and as much Red Bull as their little hearts desire, sit back, and enjoy the show. Will some toddlers throw stabby things at each other? Do a few run away through the holes in the fence? Did they decide to have a toy-swallowing contest? Is there a gaggle of over-caffeinated children on a sugar high riding a lion whilst on fire? Have a few wise ones huddled together to eat the healthy things while they cry for mommy? Who knows, but think of all the exciting, potentially deadly, and entertaining possibilities!Looking back, that’s about what my undiagnosed ADHD was like, at least in short. Diagnosed and treated, it’s much the same but with added adult supervision and next to no matches, gasoline, stabby things, or shoot-y things. Oh, and no lions. If you want in-depth, my academic and professional career to date is pretty much a textbook case study.Going through elementary school wasn’t too bad. I had friends, good to great grades, but never really fit in and was a disciplinary nightmare. Had I not found the material so damn easy and gotten grades that reflected it, they would have kicked me out of my first primary school a lot sooner than they did. Parent-teacher interviews all went along the lines of “he’s great, his grades are great, he doesn’t quite fit in, if only he’d stop misbehaving.” My parents wrote it off as me being a kid. I lasted till grade 8, when I was sent to a “gifted” program.Grade 8 was more of the same. But socially, it kept getting worse. I couldn’t fit in, couldn’t figure out how to fit in, and things got ugly. A serious bullying issue forced me to leave my first high school, the only thing saving me being an intense outside interest in competitive sports. I landed at a well-regarded arts high school and sports took off at the same time. My life was scheduled in 15 minute increments with my parents, coaches, and teachers providing a great support system. Grades? Great. Socially? I was a bit weird but then most of the kids I went to high school with were as well so it more or less worked out. I still felt like life had rules that I didn’t know about and couldn’t understand, but overall things were smooth.I burned out of sports at the start of my last year of high school. My grades dropped by about 10%, I wasn’t nearly as happy, and those “rules of life” still escaped me. I managed to get accepted to university without a clue as to what I wanted to do there, and accepted an offer from a pretty good school. My first year away from home wasn’t spectacular academically, with a failed class in each semester but otherwise great marks. Socially, much the same. A couple of failures, but mostly decent. I hated the school, where it was, and wasn’t feeling it. I applied to transfer to a school in British Columbia and told my parents that I was either going to school in BC with part time winter semesters so I could ski, or flat out dropping out and moving to a small town in the Alps. I ended up in BC, which is where everything went to hell and back.The first 5 years in BC were a series of terrible life decisions interspersed by skiing, school, and partying. My grades fluctuated wildly, I spent far too much time on-hill, and the social aspect of things was quickly self-destructing. I was destroying relationships at a rate of about 1/week. I saw counselors, all of whom I promptly fired because they sucked. It took a serious injury, a half dozen fired counselors, and school just about to ask me to withdraw for me to step back, look at my life, and admit to my doctor that I needed some serious help. Vancouver had a psychiatric unit specialized in children’s ADHD at the time that occasionally worked with adults. My doctor had a friend, I skipped the 6 month waiting list. This was without a doubt the lowest point in my life, but not hitting it would have meant dying before the age of 30. Recklessness and ADHD seem to go hand-in-hand.A fresh ADHD diagnosis in your mid 20s is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, you finally understand what the hell is going on and start working towards managing it. On the other, looking back at your life up until that point is incredibly painful. It’s a series of “I can’t believe I actually did that” shameful moments, sadness, and being intensely angry with yourself for either wasting opportunities you knew you had given to you while not even recognizing other ones to begin with. Thankfully, it was all smothered by an overwhelming sense of relief. There’s an explanation (not an excuse, BIG difference) for things. And last but not least, you’ve come to a root cause for the comorbid depression, self-hate, anxiety, and addiction issues that you may or may not be dealing with.The two biggest things I’ve learned about living with ADHD are probably “acceptance” and “forgiveness.” The ADHD is not going away. You’re human, you’re flawed, so is everyone else so suck it up and deal with it. You are not special and that’s OK. Yeah, really, it’s cool. You can stop blaming yourself and being angry with you. So you’ve forgotten to take the trash out for the third week in a row? Girlfriend/wife/roommate had to spend 3 days nagging you so you’d clean the bathroom? Look, these kinds of things will happen. Learn to say “I’m sorry,” educate and involve those closest to you and most importantly, forgive yourself when these things happen. It’s trash. It’s a slightly filthy bathroom. You’re by no means doing it on purpose, make sure to keep things in perspective. Have a laugh at your expense, figure out how to be better, and move on.Qualitative-ish story over, let’s move on to a more quantitative-ish ADHD-friendly FAQ-like section filled with questions similar to ones that real people have actually asked me. Warning: stupid people are far too high in numbers these days.Work:Is ADHD good? Can it be helpful in some situations? What are you particularly good/bad at? Anything particularly helpful for you? How do you live with yourself and ADHD? Why can’t you just sit down, shut up, and be a good boy like everyone else?· ADHD isn’t good nor bad. It sort of just is. It can have help you make some positive impacts in some situations, but is much more likely to be a negative.· I can’t stand short-term, repetitive, boring, detail-oriented tasks, unless they’re incredibly mundane. If so, I can totally zone out and do them forever. Remember, my mind is that crazy field filled with Red Bull fueled toddlers and danger. I am more than capable of entertaining myself.· I’ve read this in other answers and it’s totally true. Long-term plans, conceptualizing, strategy, etc. I put that kind of stuff together insanely well and usually in ways that most people consider crazy. 10 minutes into the Keynote presentation though, they get it and it’s revolutionary. And if I’m at all interested in whatever the subject is, I can do it all in very little time.· I’m merely OK in normal, everyday work-related situations. Knowing that I’ve got a soft deadline 3 weeks from now is like being told “this is completely unimportant. Don’t bother.” A deadline is by no means pressure. Understand that I’m that guy who wrote the LSAT for fun with only the briefest idea of what it entailed, and did better than a solid 70% of people. Pressure is having a term paper I haven’t started due in two hours that I need to get an A in order to get my degree. Pressure is being given 6 hours notice of an appointment in Toronto that either makes or breaks the company when you’re in Vancouver. Call ahead and have the jet fueled up, we’re wheels up in 30 and doing all the meeting prep during the flight. Oh, and weeeeeee Gulfstream! I love flying! Wait, what do you mean "we don't own a G550?"???Don’t for a second think I’m joking when I tell you that I think that kind of pressure is fun. I mean it, it’s when I’m at my best.· I live with myself and the ADHD just fine.· I can’t sit down, shut up, and be a good boy because race car.What kind of tools help you do your best? What most distracts you? Is there anything you really can’t stand being told? What kind of workplace do you find best? What aspect of the workplace can you absolutely not stand? Any little thing or trick that helps you out? What can I expect out of you at work? What about work related social events? Any work-related situations that are toxic for you?· The right tool for the right job, but please make it a good tool and the right tool for the right person. ADHD-friendly tools sorta just disappear when you’re using them, making everything that much more efficient. For example, every single job in which I’ve excelled has had 1 thing in common: Macs. Maybe I brought my own, maybe they had a few, maybe they were an all-Mac environment, whatever. It’s not a fan boy thing, it’s a “getting shit done as quickly and efficiently as possible” vs “me beating someone in IT with a Dell tower” thing. In fact, I work with Windows (not 8 though) just fine, so long as it’s running on Apple hardware. Hand a toddler a hammer and they'll quickly figure out what it's for and how it works. It's for hitting things, and you swing it till it makes a loud noise. Get it? Simple.· Realistically, I can be distracted by anything. I can manage most of it just fine, but random, loud, continuous, or otherwise annoying sound is a killer. White noise, house music, radio, all fine. Just watch the volume, I’m super sensitive to it. Unless it’s house music, then the louder the better.· I can’t stand the usual “just focus already!”, “pay attention,” and “stay still!” but I’ve grown accustomed to them. If it’s a school or work setting, there’s basically one thing you really want to avoid, if only for the safety of everyone in the general vicinity. “Think outside the box.” NO. BAD. Don’t tell me to “think outside the box” unless you’re ok with potentially unleashing a disaster of biblical proportion. Either don’t say anything at all, or give me some guidelines, specs, briefs, etc, or give me a task with a clear, commonly understood goal like “we need this plan to be in the form of a paperback novel. All the content in the plan, but book form.” No problem. I have absolutely no issues "thinking outside the box." Just create some sort of structure. Oh, you also really don't need to say anything more than "that really isn't very much good at all." I'm way harder on myself than you'll ever be.· I’m generally pretty flexible on workplace environments. The key is structure. A permanent desk, cubicle, or better yet an office with a door (noise, remember?). A sliver of space that’s mine to work with/on. As silly as this will sound, it’ll function as a “safe space” in which I can just be, and I need that. Natural light is nice, but easy on the windows. “Squirrel!” Whiteboards are a huge help, as are notebooks. My idea of office hell is a totally open plan, loud, colourful office with flexible seating plans. Work from home? No thanks. Not if you want me to get anything done.· Tips or tricks? Yeah, give me a notebook and pen or pencil. Let me carry them everywhere. Meetings, lunch, whatever. Don’t ask to see what’s in the book. It won’t make any sense to you anyways. That, and structure. Action plans. Concrete goals and deliverables.· Expect a lot. Expect some mistakes. Expect tons of ideas, many horrible but some groundbreaking. Expect me to do best in a team. Expect that team to at times seem totally dysfunctional and ready to kill each other. I’m used to having my ideas violently shot down and do the same to others. It’s not nice, but it does work, usually well. I don’t take it personally because insane numbers of ideas come at me constantly. Expect me to be stubborn until I randomly change my mind. Expect me to work harder and longer than most everyone else. Expect me to consistently underestimate how long something will take me. Oh, and expect me to help others out a lot.· Work-related social events are just more work. I’ll go. I’ll put in the effort and I might occasionally have a good time. Truth be told, I get really anxious at work-related events. Networking, professional association parties, I’m awful at them. They’re a “have to do,” not a “like to do” or “good at doing.”· Toxic workplace situations? Yeah. Workplace politics kill me. I lose every time. Being singled out by a boss is a bad bad thing. But the absolute most toxic situation is HR. All of it. Any of it. I can handle some authority figures. CEOs, boards, etc, I like and love dealing with. Remember, I do long term, I do strategy, and I do big picture. HR is my kryptonite. Maybe you’re sending me to HR to pick up a bonus cheque. Doesn’t matter. I hate HR and I’m petrified of it. I automatically assume I’ve done something very wrong, try to figure out a way to get out of it without getting fired, and get extremely scared, worried, and anxious. I know it’s ridiculous, but HR is like the principal’s office I kept on being sent to for no reason when I was 6. There’s still a part of me that’s scared of that office, OK?When I run things, the HR department will be "disappeared," much in the same fashion as dissidents are "disappeared" by Third World dictators. There will be one HR person. His or her job will be to administer extended medical benefits. That is all.Play:Do you have all kinds of weird ADHD hobbies? Party tons? Love all kinds of drugs? Do you eat weird foods and spaz out for fun?· No creepy or odd ADHD hobbies. I ski a ton (got quite a few hundred days on snow during my undergrad), I cycle a lot both on the road and on the mountain. Fast, “dangerous,” adrenaline-inducing activities are generally what I’m into. I’d race cars if I could afford it, and one day will. I don’t go to the gym for fun, that’s purely a functional thing. Yoga’s been nice at times. I actually enjoy reading even if I do miss a few details sometimes and read quite a bit. I also write, or try to. Don’t get me to play team sports or golf. I don’t understand those things and don’t care to. There is one thing that I’m admittedly not totally proud of though. My driving. It goes under hobbies because I really do enjoy it. Like I said, I’d race cars if I could, but since I can’t I, uh, might sometimes drive a bit fast. My GPS once told me that a drive, with little traffic, should take me 5 hours if I was driving the speed limit. I took it as a challenge rather than a useful suggestion. 2.5 hours later, I was where I wanted to be. What can I say? It’s the only time that the outside world is going the same speed as my brain. Oh, and I’ve been through advanced driver training. A lot of it. Don't worry, you'll always be the one crashing into me no matter how fast I'm going.· Make no mistake. I am very, very good at partying. I’m the best friend who is specifically banned from the bachelor party by the bride. Give me a few hundred bucks, time off, and a few good friends and I’ll take you on a bender you’ll never forget, but also never remember. I’m the guy who makes “just one drink” turn into 3 bottles of vodka, a bottle of champagne, 12 Red Bull drinks, a few beers, a thrashed hotel room, and 3 girls from Connecticut who are just here on vacation. It’s just that I’d rather not. I’ve been there, I’ve done that, I’ve done it harder than you ever will, and I’m over it. Once or twice a year though, it’s a possibility. But however crazy it gets, I’m still sorta responsible. I won’t drive if I’ve had more than 1 drink, I don’t get into fights, and if the person you’re flirting with is even remotely annoyed with you, I’ll pull you off and find you someone else. You’ll thank me in the morning.· No drugs other than those prescribed to me for ADHD treatment. I don’t smoke anything, there's no ecstasy, nothing. The worst thing I got into was binge drinking (see above) but I go weeks without having a drink and won’t notice it until I’m having a beer and suddenly go “wow, I haven’t had one of these in a long time.” I don't want or need drugs. Again, the crazy field that is my brain, remember? I don't know what kind of drugs can top that, and I don't want to know.· No weird foods or spazzing out for fun. If anything, I’m rather conservative with food and actually forget to eat a lot. The weirdest thing is probably baking, in that I can never seem to do it right. Probably eating too much of the batter.Personal/home Life:How does ADHD affect your relationships with family? Friends? Girlfriends? Does ADHD affect how you make friends? You must be super outgoing and loud! Busiest social life ever!· Family: this is by far the toughest thing for me. It had all the ingredients to provide the stability I so needed. Nope. Not even remotely the case. I grew up in an upper-middle class family, lived in a nice neighbourhood with tons of amenities nearby, went to a great high school, but it was a massive roller coaster. My ADHD went undiagnosed for 20-some years. Looking back, we focused on little issues that were symptoms of a bigger problem, at the expense of figuring out what the bigger problem was. I by no means had a bad childhood, but it was very turbulent. Up until I left for school, our home life was unbearable. Any random thing could set off huge arguments, awful things were said, and a ton of resentment was sown. It’s no one’s fault. I didn’t know how to deal with myself or others, and my parents didn’t know how to deal with me. Time, distance, and proper ADHD treatment has helped this tremendously, but it wasn’t easy for anyone. It would have been easier for me to tell my parents that I was an albino transsexual who likes to stab people for fun than it was to tell them about the ADHD. They still don’t know about some parts of the breakdown that let to my diagnosis and still blame themselves for not catching it sooner. It’s no one’s fault, but it’s hard. To their credit, they were always there for me. It’s taken years for it to get healthy-ish, but it’s much better. There’s still the occasional accident, but we can work with them. I've called them totally despondent and in tears, and they've helped. Can't ask for better than that.· My younger sibling and I are close in age and even closer friends. It hasn’t always been easy to watch him succeed early on in life while I’ve failed a lot, but then it hasn't been easy for him to have to watch me fail and get back up 10000000 times while he's been crushing it. He’s the married one who owns a house and has a great career path going for him, while I’m the single screw up renting with roommates and still trying to find where I fit work-wise. But no one’s been there for me like he has. No one has taken more time or expended more energy to help me out. To say I’m grateful would be an understatement. If you're curious, he doesn't suffer from ADHD.· Girlfriends. Oh the wonderful misery. In many ways, I’m a terrible boyfriend. I forget birthdays, I’m always late, and I’m shy around her friends. But I’m the guy who’ll surprise her with flowers at work, always remembers what her favourite pizza is, has a bottle of wine ready when there’s something to celebrate, and brings her soup and Nyquil when she’s sick. I also go out of my way to fix any problem. Workplace issues, friends, family, school, whatever it is I’ll help her put together a plan to make it better. I’m generous beyond my means. Finally, as a couple of exes have told me, “whatever bad you may have done or been, if the next girl requires references before she sleeps with you, tell her to call me. I’ll have her AND her best friend in bed with you within the hour.” But dating isn’t easy. I’m as bad with dating social cues as I am with workplace politics. I fall hard and I fall fast, so if I like her it’s incredibly obvious. I’m never entirely comfortable dating someone, so I tend to hold on a bit too tight. Dating is 100% ambiguity and 0% stability, so it’s not an easy. I’m better at it than I was. Progress is good. I still occasionally make bad dating choices (usually in who I choose to date) but hey, at least I’ve had the good sense to not marry any of them! I also still make bad choices in terms of “very short term” relationships. As in having them. Oops. I'll find the right one some day. Today isn't that day though. Maybe tomorrow.· ADHD does affect how I make friends. I used to be a lot less selective about who I had in my life. The diagnosis and subsequent learnings turned that into the opposite. It protects both sides of the equation. I have a lot of “acquaintances” but few really close “friends.” Best thing I can say about me is that I’m loyal to a fault. Need something? Haven’t talked to in years since that time you told me off? Just ask, then answer’s likely “yes.”· I’m occasionally loud, but only because I’m really excited about a particular thing and lost track of volume. I’m actually pretty reserved, quiet, and generally introspective.· The social calendar is pretty bare. I keep it that way on purpose. I need a surprising amount of quiet me-time to recharge.So ADHD means you have no style right? How do you even manage to dress yourself in the morning? Can you cook?· Quite the opposite for me. ADHD has helped me develop a very rigid sense of style. The key words are “structure” and “simplicity.” Clean, crisp lines. Contemporary furniture, modern architecture, that sort of thing. When I get my pick, I’ll be living in an Arthur Erickson original or in something made by the company that designed and built Larry Ellison’s Japanese-inspired compound in Woodside. It appeals to my complete and utter hate of clutter. Except in my bedroom, which is a mess.· Actually, I manage to dress myself quite well and very quickly, thank you. It’s a rather important skill when you always wake up late. Shopping is hell though. I purposely keep my wardrobe really simple just to make shopping for it easier. Little known secret: suits are a good thing. Matching pants and jackets come pre-selected for you and any suit looks good with a white shirt. Ties? Where I live I don’t need one. I’ve developed a bit of a signature outfit style, but it keeps things easy for me. Variations on a common theme FTW!· I can cook. I just need a recipe and all the necessary ingredients. Which means shopping. Which is hell. Good thing I forget to eat so often. I like it though. I make some great Italian dishes.Treatment:What do you find to be the biggest challenges that come with an ADHD diagnosis? Medication? Disclosure? Do you have therapist/counsellor/psychiatrist?· Biggest challenges with ADHD are the comorbid issues and the roller coater-like feelings and successes/failures. ADHD doesn’t come alone. It usually invites friends like depression and anxiety to the party, and ADHD’s friends suck. They’re often worse than ADHD, in fact. Years of beating myself up over things I “should have done better” or “should have known” that were really ADHD-related have shattered my confidence, with corresponding effects on school, career, relationships, and life in general. It’s hard not to get depressed over that. Then what do you fix first? We decided on a multi-front fight, with more resources focused on the ADHD. It works. It’s not an overnight process. And speaking of overnight processes, SLEEP. Sleep is really hard work. I'll go days without more than 3 hours/night once in a while. It's not fun. I now keep all electronics other than my alarm clock outside my bedroom. Zero distractions.· Medication is an absolute, 100% must have for me. It doesn’t fix a thing but without it, I’m in haze so thick I can’t see. Medication lifts the haze and allows me to work on the rest of it. My Adderall scripts alone probably keep Shire in business. You're welcome, you ungrateful assholes.· Disclosure? Extremely carefully. It’s rare that I bring it up unless I know you particularly well. It’s even harder when dating’s involved. I’ve never brought it up at work. As a society, we don’t handle mental health issues well at all. In fact, we seem to go out of our collective way to handle them as piss-poorly and in the most destructive way possible, and that’s for serious, obvious mental health issues like Schizophrenia and Depression. Compared to those and other serious mental issues, ADHD is way easier to treat, has a high treatment success rate, and sometimes comes with potential benefits. But it’s invisible. I don’t stay in bed for days at time with the lights off, crying, like someone who’s intensely depressed might. It’s not a broken leg or a spinal injury. There’s no cast, no crutches, no wheelchair. The most visible thing is probably the occasional intense frustration and that you never reach your “potential.” So it’s written off as an excuse, or something that doesn’t exist. Disclosure has cost me friends and changed a lot of my relationships forever. Could I trust an HR department with that kind of info? My boss? Unlikely. But we’re part of a knowledge economy now, one that requires a healthy brain to function in. We used to just need healthy bodies and have the healthcare facilities for that. We need the proper facilities, doctors, and other things to treat mental health now, badly. Until those are in place and we take it seriously, I’m mostly better off keeping my mouth shut.· I don't currently have a therapist/psych or anyone. Lost access to my university one when I finished my undergrad, which is too bad because after firing 6 of them, the 7th was fucking great. I do have a really good family doctor that goes above and beyond for me. For what it's worth, two observations:1- I do a lot better when I've got medical counsel that isn't afraid to be blunt and call me out on my shit. "Medically, you're fine. Just go to the fucking gym." That sort of thing. The 7th therapist was blunt beyond belief and bordered on mean, but without her advice I'd be nowhere. Get the medical help you need, not the help that's easy.2- Most doctors are very poorly versed in ADHD, if at all. Finding a good one is 100% critical to improving.“Existential” issues.Looking back, do you regret anything? Would you have done anything differently? Do you blame anyone for this? Would you choose to have ADHD?· I wouldn’t have done anything differently. I’ve learned a ton and however hard it was/is, it’s made me incredibly resilient. That alone makes it worth it. I’m way stronger than anyone could possibly imagine. I know I’ll succeed. Yes, I still would have moved across the country. Moving was the only reason I got diagnosed in the first place.· Do I blame anyone? No. We all did our best. My parents couldn’t have done more for me. I did a lot for myself. My friends and exes all did what they could. I found out when I did, how it did. Blaming anyone would be a pointless waste of time. That said, I do find it incredibly strange that not one of the numerous special ed teachers, school board psychologist, private psychiatrists, hospital ER doctors and staff, or university counselors caught it sooner. Right place, right time I suppose.· Regrets are a bit of a different story. It’s rare that I think of anything’s that’s happened as anything other than a learning experience, but there’s a few things I do wish had worked out differently. The professional bridges I burnt early in my stagnant career are the least of my regrets. They’ll get rebuilt fast when the other person finds that it’s profitable to do so or when I’m in a position to dictate that they be rebuilt. That’s the nature of professional relationships. There’s a few personal friendships that I wish I could fix. It’s never as simple, but sorry is a nice way to start. The one ex I really felt bad about is a friend now and I’m genuinely happy that she’s happy. The one aspect of things I would absolutely go back and fix if I could are my academics. I didn’t take advantage of the incredible undergrad opportunity I had. I wasn’t able to. My marks and transcript are a bloody, disgusting mess. In and of itself, not a huge deal, but they close off any further advanced education. I’m fine leaving the MBAs to the criminals at Goldman Sachs, but knowing that I’ve shut myself out of law school forever is heartbreaking. No, really, stop laughing! You know how most 6 year olds want to be astronauts or rock stars or pro athletes? I wanted to be a lawyer. I’ll be fine career-wise, but not having the chance to go into law is and will remain a huge regret. Quite possibly the only real regret.· It doesn't work that way. You don't get to choose your mental disorder. I've accepted it. The other choice was to keep fighting it, but that's inefficient, ineffective, and just dumb.So what’s ADHD like?Someone else compared it to having a carnival in their head. A non-stop, not-always-fun carnival. Every single day. Sounds about right. It’s chaotic, it’s relentless, and it’s not easy. But it does clear up once in a while. You know that guy? The one that walked right up to you and your girlfriend, picked her up right in front of you, but somehow made you feel like it was all cool and you’re not even mad? That’s me when it clears up. He’s the same guy that walks into the most chaotic corporate scene he can find, only to fix it without even seemingly being phased. That guy at school that never bothered studying for exams, walked in 10 minutes late and left 30 minutes early? Yeah, the fog cleared. He’s the arrogant, Ari-Gold-wannabe douchebag who gets to your team’s big presentation 15 minutes before it’s due to start, looking haggard and not having bothered rehearsing. You hate him, right up until he’s on and blows the room away. What you didn’t know was that his “fuck you, I do what I want” attitude was directed at the room, not you, that he did it on purpose, that he actually looks haggard because he spent the entire night rehearsing alone, and that it worked. The suckers bought it and it went off perfectly. What he’ll never tell you is that he spent his weekend volunteering with ADHD kids who need a strong positive presence in their lives that understands how they feel. Remember that time you organized a group gift for someone at the office, left the donation jar on your desk, only to return to find a $50 in it? That was him. He didn’t have any change and asking for some was embarrassing. Who doesn’t have change? “Fuck it, $50 isn’t that generous.” He’s disorganized and can be incredibly insecure or anxious. A part of him is still desperate for peer approval. It came as a child and never fully left him. And yes, he’s the guy that gets frustrated with random noises and the time you got upset because he told you your idea sucked. He just wanted to help make it better. He’s the guy who was fired from his seemingly great job, ended up moving back in with his parents, then a year later was promoted to senior VP by his new employer/his old competition. No, he doesn't know the meaning of "non-compete clause". Why do you ask? The lows and highs are extreme. It’s not easy. No point in complaining about it, it’s not going away. His wicked sense of humour helps him deal with it.On a bad day, it's "OMG SHINY THINGS AND BIKES!" while simultaneously feeling incredibly low. A good day sees him being that guy. A great day is sitting back with a smirk, thinking "yeah, I just did that, no big deal. But just try and top it."1 good day writes off 1000 bad ones.That about answer your question?