Cub Scout Den Meeting Outline: Fill & Download for Free

So like first understand that there is no test or something that will 100% confirm your sexuality for you. There are definitely some things or whatever that might help you figure out whether you like boys, girls, or both. For me:In class I kept looking at boys, a lot of boys!! I still thought some girls were pretty and dressed nice and stuff, but it was ONLY boys that I wanted to cuddle and kiss with!I was shy to talk to boys. I desperately wanted their attention and tried to impress them any way I could. I wanted them to like me but like me in a different way, a way that was more than just friends!While most guys were scared to approach girls I was completely comfortable talking and hanging out with them.Like you I only watched gay porn. Straight porn did absolutely nothing for me. All my waking fantasies were about guys, not girls. When I masturbated I played with my ass and found things to insert into it like hairbrushes lol.I had dreams about being with boys and one time I even dreamt I was in a wedding dress and getting married to a boy!I wore sexy clothes and tried to seduce boys in the gym locker room or at slumber parties. But know that some guys are the exact opposite. I had a gay friend who was extremely shy about having his clothes off in front of other boys.I experimented with boys. My first time with a boy was less than fantastic and only involved kissing and stroking one another’s dicks, but it was still magical! It truly confirmed all the feelings I had been feeling since forever! I was gay, and I knew it!I experimented with girls. Twice lol. Some might disagree, but I think that’s important. You might find you enjoy both boys and girls. For me, I found being naked with a girl was uncomfortable, awkward, and felt wrong in sooooo many ways haha. I wasn’t turned on or aroused at all, it seemed more like a scientific lab experiment and observation lol.Understand too that sexuality is not binary, where you are one or the other, gay or straight. It’s a spectrum. Google the Kinsey scale to understand what I am talking about if you don’t already know. And be careful not to label yourself unless you are a 1 or a 6 on the scale. For me, I am a 6, and gay asf so it’s simple and easy for me haha!Don’t forget that sexuality can be fluid, it can change over time. In other words there may be times you want to be more with men, or more with women. Again for me it was easy, I never had any real physical attraction to girls, I’ve ONLY ALWAYS loved boys and wanted to be naked with boys haha!Also, whatever you are, don’t repress it. You only have one life so live it and be you. If you are gay, don’t be afraid to embrace it. Not too sound cliche but Love is love. There is nothing more beautiful than two boys in love, both emotionally and physically. Don’t let grandma or grandpa tell you it’s a sin or that your sick. Being gay can even still have its challenges depending on where you live no doubt, but being gay can also be absolutely amazing if you allow it to be.Lastly, I would encourage you to show your pride and come out when you are ready. Everyone’s situation is different, only you can know when is the right time. At some point I answered a question on here about when to come out. I’d encourage you to read it if you want. What I’m trying to say is that it’s 2020 and if you truly are gay then be gay don’t hide it. Staying closeted will frustrate you, cause you anxiety and pain, and confuse people imo. Just be you!Good luck on your path. Whatever you discover, gay, straight, or in between, remember it’s all good, don’t let ANYONE tell you otherwise! Stay away from the haters, and surround yourself with supportive, open minded, caring people. I hope in some way my answer helps! Peace!UPDATE: I attached my sexual orientation discovery below. Hopefully it helps someone!I think for a lot of people it can sometimes be difficult becoming comfortable with their sexual orientation, and who they are really attracted to. More than a few people have actually asked me, “When did you realize you were gay, and how did you know?” My answer is kind of confusing, but I always tell them the same thing. That is, I pretty much like always knew I was gay, only I really didn’t! Basically what I mean by that is looking back there were like a gazillion and one signs that I was a super fagtastic gay boy that radiated glittery rainbows, but I really wasn't able to like understand what everything all meant until around the 6th grade lol. However, like I said, there were many, many, clues that I was gay, and they actually started really early in my life.When I was little I absolutely detested boy clothing! I liked glittery, lacy, frilly, socks, shoes, shorts, pants, and underwear. I remember thinking why would anyone want to wear a shirt with a picture of a boring, stupid, truck on it when they could wear one with a bright, pink heart or beautiful princess on it! It just didn’t like make any sense to me lol! I even remember crying on a number of occasions until my mom “compromised” with me on a fashion style we both were able to live with! Still, even after compromising, I remember proclaiming on multiple occasions that I wished I was a girl, and that I didn’t want to be a boy!Socially, up to the fourth grade, I didn’t really play with boys, and the toys that they played with. I had very little interest in balls, trucks, cars, video games, toy guns, or action figures. I didn’t like to roughhouse, fight, or wrestle, or participate in any type of aggressive or dominant behavior. Instead, I preferred to play with girls, specifically my older sister, and the girl next door and her friends. I loved to play Barbies, PollyPockets, cheerleaders, fashion models, pop star divas, dancers, house, and other imaginative play. We did crafts, made jewelry, did one another’s hair, nails, and makeup, and played dress up. At first some of the girls tried to exclude me from stuff, and I remember at one point being so sad that I just went home and sobbed uncontrollably. Luckily, my older sister was a huge advocate for me, and she accused them of being mean and demanded that they include me. While I admit I remember it taking some time, soon they were treating me like one of the girls, letting me be a Barbie and not a Ken, and painting my nails and doing my makeup as well! Thinking back, there were many times I came home all made up in a dress, makeup, perfume, sparkly jewelry, and a pair of plastic toy heels lol. The funny or cool thing though was that my mom never scolded or punished me for it. The worst thing she ever did was say “If Grandpa ever sees you like that he is going to flip”!Oddly, in the fourth grade though, things changed socially a little bit for me. Boys began to come more into my life through athletics. My sister started getting into sports then, and probably because she did, so did I. She was almost 2 years older than me, and she and her friends really pushed me to keep up. I’m not sure why she always included me, but she did. And when she didn’t, I played by myself. I’d bounce a ball off the wall or steps and catch it, or just go to the park and shoot baskets. And I got really good. Better than most of the boys my age!Around this same time I also remember joining the cub scouts, probably only because my mom agreed to be the den mother haha. And that’s when and where I met David, my first real boy crush. He was in my troop, and was officially also the first boy I had ever played with as a friend. He had such nice hair and I remember that I thought he had a nice body and was super cute. We played video games, nerf guns, rode bikes, and watched Scooby-Doo together. To be honest, I didn’t really care what we did when we were together, I just was so happy to be with him! I would drop everything I was doing just to have a play date with him! Unfortunately though, our friendship pretty much came to an end one day when he was caught with another boy together in their underwear in a bathroom at a troop meeting. I was devastated. I cried so hard! I remember my mom understanding why I was hurting, and being so empathetic to the whole situation - perhaps she had already figured out my orientation way before I did lol. To be honest though, looking back David and I never really connected as playmates in the first place, probably because we both viewed the relationship entirely differently. My feelings for him were so much more intense, while his were just casual.Shortly thereafter, I remember developing a crush for a boy in my fourth grade class. He had a cute afro, beautiful smile, gorgeous skin, pretty lips, and a really cute bubble butt! He was different than the other boys. He was smart and didn’t follow the crowd. And he defended me when some of the other boys picked on me for the way I talked, walked, or dressed. Unfortunately, we never got close. He lived on the opposite side of town, and we never were able to spend any time together. I doubt he even knew how I felt about him.In the fifth grade, my mom signed me up for a boys basketball league. I remember being angry and upset about it. I didn’t want to play in it. But somehow she talked me into just giving it a try. Reluctantly I did, and I remember that it felt awkward and very uncomfortable. I was like an alien in a strange world. I couldn’t really explain it, but I felt like I just didn’t belong there. I was so shy, submissive, and effeminate. But I was good at it, and I liked it. People clapped for me and said great game afterwards. And there were the boys! Boys I was just gaga over! It wasn’t really anything sexual at this point though, however I still remember wanting to see them with their clothes off in the locker room or showers every chance I got lol!In the 6th grade, I was still mostly socializing with girls. Emotionally I just connected with them so much more than boys, and we like had way more in common. When I was with them I was happy, relaxed, and comfortable. With boys, I was always so nervous and excited. I was constantly trying to get noticed by them and get their attention. I desperately wanted their approval and to be liked. I’m not a psychologist, but I think that’s why my relationships with boys were pretty much always usually short lived and uneven.At age 12 I met Michael. He was new to the neighborhood at the time and went to a private Catholic school, so he had a separate set of friends and he wasn’t aware of all the things the other boys said and teased me about. He liked basketball and baseball like I did, and had a bigger build - not fat just larger then most of the other boys. We played together quite a bit, and I loved being with him. I don’t think his parents were crazy about me for obvious reasons, but they still let us do sleepovers together. I always preferred that he slept at my house, because my mom always let us sleep in the same bed, whereas his parents did not. I also had more flexibility in terms of what I could wear at my house, and always chose the tiniest shorts or cutest undies to sleep in with him. Every chance I got I always tried to cuddle up close to him while pretending to sleep, but he would just move away or push me away. Finally, I arranged for him to come over one summer morning while my mom was at work and my sister was at a basketball camp. I was at home alone, and put a note on the door for him to just come in to my room and wake me up when he got there. I watched and waited for him to get there. When he arrived, I quickly took of all my clothes and laid uncovered naked in my bed pretending to be asleep. I wanted him to see me naked and touch me. I heard him come into my room and leave, and then he just waited for me in the kitchen. I was so disappointed. When I came out to meet him to go out and play, he didn’t say anything about it - just as if nothing happened. I asked him why he didn’t wake me, and to be honest I can’t remember what he said, but it was something lame. The frustrating thing was, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t take things any further with him. The closest I ever came to messing around with Michael was when we were playing video games one time. He crashed and burned his turn, and wouldn’t give up the controller so I could take my turn. So I grabbed his dick through his shorts and said I wasn’t letting go till he gave me the controller. He wouldn’t give me the controller so I pulled his shorts down and grabbed his dick again. I started fondling it and he seemed to like it, so I then said I was going to kiss it if he didn’t let me have my turn. He then freaked out all of a sudden, and that’s as far as things ever got with him. We hung out for about a year and a half off and on, but I swear he must have not had a single gay hair on his head lol, because he was never interested in anything more than just a regular buddy type of friendship.At the end of 6th grade and all through 7th grade, I realized I was different than the other boys. While other boys were talking about girls, I was crushing on boys. Lots of boys, not just Michael. But to be honest, I wasn’t 100% sure that I was gay yet. I mean I knew I liked boys, so I remember coming to the conclusion at that point that I was definitely bisexual and probably gay, but I still wasn’t sure.But I still found girls pretty. I liked how they walked, how they talked, and how they dressed. I wanted to be like them, but I wasn’t at all turned on by them. But yet I remember still being fascinated by them which left me kinda confused. I thought that I couldn’t be gay if I liked so much about them, right?But yet I never dreamed about them or ever fantasized about being with them. I remember that when I caught soft porn on Cinemax or Showtime late at night, I ONLY was into the guy. If the guy was cute, I’d keep watching it. If he wasn’t, I’d turn it off. It didn’t matter at ALL as to what the girl looked like, it was all about the men and their bodies. Any online porn I looked at consisted primarily of gay porn. I still looked at girl porn, but only because I was curious, sort of how you have to look as you drive by a traffic accident lol. However, straight porn or girl porn did nothing for me - I didn’t get aroused by it and couldn’t get off to it.During this time my friends were still pretty much exclusively girls, and my only interaction with boys was through playing sports. It was during this time in middle school that I was teased and bullied the most, as my differences both socially and how I presented and acted started to really separate me from the other boys. Overall all though, with the exception of a couple teachers and a few kids, everyone was pretty accepting and nice.In the 8th grade I recall my girl friends started seriously asking me if I was gay. My answer was ‘I think so’, or ‘I think I probably am’. I remember that even a couple of boys asked, and I gave the same answer. Every time I answered, I got more and more comfortable sharing something that I at first I was hesitant to reveal. By the end of 8th grade, while I was finally completely comfortable with and sharing my sexuality, I still had not had any sexual experience with anyone, girls or boys. And to be honest I hadn’t fully 100% concluded I was gay or fully come out as gay yet to anyone, not even my family. But that was about to change.At age 14, prior to 9th grade, I played in a summer baseball league with boys from all over town. A few of them went to my school, but most of them didn’t, so most of the boys didn’t really know me. I couldn’t help but notice all the looks and whispers I got though, so I knew the guys I went to school with had informed the other guys on the team of my gayness lol. And the cool thing was, I remember that I didn’t give a fuck, and was actually glad they shared it. One of the boys at one point even asked me directly in front of some other guys on the team if I was gay, and I proudly said ‘Yes, why’? He just responded ‘I dunno, just wondering’. It’s funny, I actually didn’t really realize it then, but looking back this point in time was a big milestone in my life. This was like the first time I actually wanted people to know I was into guys, and I was like totally cool with everyone knowing.There was this boy on the team from a different school, his name was Bobby. I was so hot for him. His hair was dirty blonde and longer, and he had this really cute walk. He was skinny but his butt was round and gorgeous, and he did this amazing hair flip to keep his hair out of his eyes. There were so many times I couldn’t focus on anything but him, and once I even got hit by a ball because I was looking at him and not paying attention lol. His ass looked so good in his baseball pants, and both his grey and white pair fit as tight as mine if not tighter because of his bubble butt. I couldn’t help but notice he always wore tiny bikini underwear, because I could either see the outlines of his undies through his grey pants, or actually see his underwear through his white pants. Bobby had only one other boy on the team from his same school, and they didn’t really talk or click all that much. So since he was a loner and I was somewhat of an outcast, we ended up as warm up partners, playing catch together before practice or games.I remember one practice, Bobby wore his white pants and a pair of dark navy blue striped string bikini underwear underneath them. The sides were just a blue string, and the back barely covered all of his butt. I could see everything through his pants! He had worn sexy underwear before to practice, but never like this! These were really cute, even cuter than my tiny hello kitty underwear and some of the girls underwear I asked my mom to buy for me which also showed through my white pants haha!After practice, a bunch of us were sitting around drinking water, and I got up the courage to ask Bobby what he was doing after practice, and he said ‘nothing at all’ and he asked me if I wanted to come over to his house. Immediately I saw the looks, smirks, and whispers from the other guys, and I knew what they were thinking and saying. I remember just looking at the other boys and smiling, and calmly saying that I would love to come over!After the practice ended, Bobby’s mom drove us to his place. On the way, I remember finding out that his family moved around a lot because of his dad’s work, and they had only been in town for about 10 months. I still remember his mom embarrassing him by saying that “he didn’t have any close friends here yet”, and that “I was the first boy he invited over since they moved here”! I remember that her saying that got me really excited, and that I just couldn’t wait to hang out alone with him!When we got to his house, we immediately went up to his room. He asked if I wanted to play video games or watch a movie. I said a movie, and I remember we started watching ‘Happy Gilmore’ lol. After about an hour or so his mom came in with some popcorn and pop, and said she was going shopping and that she would be back in a little bit. He said ok and got up and locked his door after she left.We were both lying next one another on his bed, and I still remember my heart racing I was so nervous and excited. After the movie I finally got up the courage to say that I could see his underwear through his pants. He kinda smiled but was kinda embarrassed. I said that it was ok and that I liked them and thought they were hot. He then said he heard some of the guys talking about me. I said ‘What did they say’? He then said ‘They said you were gay Brandyn, are you’? I paused and said ‘Yeah, I am, does that bother you’? He smiled and said ‘Fuck no I was hoping you would say that because I think I might be too’. I then put my hand on his leg, leaned in, and kissed him on the mouth. It was just a quick kiss, but my first kiss! He kissed me back and we made out and cuddled with one another until we both had our shirts off and pants undone and were feeling one another’s dicks. Things didn’t go any further than kissing and playing with each other’s cocks that first time, but we still both came. I remember it was truly magical for me, and definitely an awakening for me! I then knew at that point it was guys I really connected with and wanted to be with.Over that summer we hung out together nearly every day, and I fell madly in love with him. I remember being connected with him on so many levels. We shared common interests, liked the same things, and loved having sex. What we couldn’t figure out on our own, we learned from watching porn. I finally understood myself and knew who I was, and I was in love.Knowing and being 100% comfortable I was gay going into high school was a super big thing for me. I didn’t have to pretend to be somebody I wasn’t or hide my true self. I could wear what I wanted, and I could be who I wanted. I also came out to my mom and aunt at that time, and it wasn’t uncomfortable at all, as both of them said they pretty much all ready knew that was the case haha! The tremendous thing was that they were totally supportive and loving. My Aunt Anne is a proud lesbian, and is also pretty butch, so she played a huge role in not only being supportive of my sexuality, but also my feminine and genderqueer presentation. I only wish all families could be like that, and breaks my heart that they are not!Showing up the first day as a freshmen in high school perfumed and smooth all over, with painted nails, a gay haircut, rainbow necklace, wearing a pink tank top, tight jean shorts, glitzy sandals, foundation, bronzer, and lip gloss pretty much set everyone’s gaydar off lol and left no questions as to what my sexuality was haha! And if the way I dressed, presented, walked, and talked didn’t clue everyone in, with some strong encouragement from my aunt, Bobby accompanied me to the freshman welcome dance. Nevertheless, the really funny thing was, that there were still a few girls throughout my freshman and sophomore year that tried to get with me, and on two separate occasions with two separate girls I did let things go farther than they should have lol. Once I was high, but the other time I was not, and I distinctly remember how awkward, gross, disgusting, and uncomfortable that experience was, and how weirded out I was by it. So if I ever needed any reinforcement that I was 1000% gay, these experiences provided it haha! And I have never gotten within 2 feet of a vagina since lol!High school athletics I soon found out, were no longer really going to work for me. I still liked sports, and I played on the freshman basketball and baseball teams, but it was really awkward and I felt really out of place. With basketball, boys had gotten a lot stronger and more physical, and although I could still shoot and dribble, I wasn’t physical and aggressive enough to really contribute, and the other guys started to give me a hard time about that in addition to how girlish I looked and acted. Baseball season was an even bigger disaster, as a rumor or accusation by another boy involving me made me sick and heartbroken. It wasn’t true, but it was enough for me to end high school athletics all together.Nevertheless, while I wasn’t super popular, I wasn’t unpopular either, and I was lucky to have a supportive, small, really good group of friends to spend time with. I joined the choir and drama club, and after Bobby moved away, I dated boys not only from my school but other schools as well. I was truly happy that I was gay, and in a way felt kinda special that I was! I never repressed it, struggled with it, or had to hide it. Not all people for various reasons are that lucky obviously.Going away to college and living on my own allowed me to experiment more with fashion, makeup, and gender. To be honest, I think a lot of my confusion about my sexuality early on was because I never treated gender and sexual orientation separately. I mean I never was physically or sexually attracted to girls, but for me there was still always this fascination and attraction to them. But it was more admiration and wanting to be like them, not any sort of desire to want to be intimate with them. In college freshmen year, with the exception of a few oversized sweatshirts and t-shirts, I made the decision to phase out most of my guy clothes and replace them with girl clothes. Cute shoes were not always easy to find, but because I was slim finding cute clothes in the misses department were not haha! I remember proclaiming my fashion style was androgynous, but my roommates disagreed, and said it was feminine. Either way I really didn’t care, I just felt cute and sexy haha!College also gave me a chance to meet more men, and in the process begin questioning the gender I was born as. After college, to make a long story short, I began taking hormones to transition, but stopped. I realize this is whole different topic, and a rather long story, and not really directly related to this topic, so I won’t go anymore into that here.Lastly, for me personally, I also never had any desire ever to be with girls. Some people say that sexuality is fluid, and I guess if you are bi then maybe it is, but for me I’ve always been and always will be only attracted to guys. I don’t want to sound mean, and I love my girl friends, they are almost always there for me and are lots of fun to hang out with, but the thought of anything physical with girls gives me the creeps lol. I think vag is ugly and gross, and I know I could never tolerate a relationship with a woman. I mean I love girls to death, but for the most part I think a lot of girls are moody, bitchy, bossy, condescending, over emotional, demanding, unapologetic, and sexually inhibited.Anyways that’s my path to realizing and accepting not just that I was 1000% gay and not at all bi, but also realizing that I love my dick and love being male, albeit a very feminine and submissive male! Like I said, there were so many signs even early on in my life, that I truly believe I was born gay.Everyone’s situation and circumstances are different. Everyones experiences are different. Even for me it wasn’t easy is what I’m trying to say. You may need to experiment a little.Just remember to be you and live your life the way you want to. If your gay or bi don’t suppress it, it will only make you sad and unhappy.Stay away from the haters, and surround yourself with supportive, open minded, caring people. I hope in some way my answer helps! Peace

I think for a lot of people it can sometimes be difficult realizing what their sexual orientation actually is and who they are really attracted to. More than a few people have actually asked me, “When did you realize you were gay, and how did you know?” My answer is kind of confusing, but I always tell them the same thing. That is, I pretty much like always knew I was gay, only I really didn’t! Basically what I mean by that is looking back there were like a gazillion and one signs that I was a super fagtastic gay boy that radiated glittery rainbows, but I really wasn't able to like understand what everything all meant until around the 6th grade lol. However, like I said, there were many, many, clues that I was gay, and they actually started really early in my life.When I was little I absolutely detested boy clothing! I liked glittery, lacy, frilly, socks, shoes, shorts, pants, and underwear. I remember thinking why would anyone want to wear a shirt with a picture of a boring, stupid, truck on it when they could wear one with a bright, pink heart or beautiful princess on it! It just didn’t like make any sense to me lol! I even remember crying on a number of occasions until my mom “compromised” with me on a fashion style we both were able to live with! Still, even after compromising, I remember proclaiming on multiple occasions that I wished I was a girl, and that I didn’t want to be a boy!Socially, up to the fourth grade, I didn’t really play with boys, and the toys that they played with. I had very little interest in balls, trucks, cars, video games, toy guns, or action figures. I didn’t like to roughhouse, fight, or wrestle, or participate in any type of aggressive or dominant behavior. Instead, I preferred to play with girls, specifically my older sister, and the girl next door and her friends. I loved to play Barbies, PollyPockets, cheerleaders, fashion models, pop star divas, dancers, house, and other imaginative play. We did crafts, made jewelry, did one another’s hair, nails, and makeup, and played dress up. At first some of the girls tried to exclude me from stuff, and I remember at one point being so sad that I just went home and sobbed uncontrollably. Luckily, my older sister was a huge advocate for me, and she accused them of being mean and demanded that they include me. While I admit I remember it taking some time, soon they were treating me like one of the girls, letting me be a Barbie and not a Ken, and painting my nails and doing my makeup as well! Thinking back, there were many times I came home all made up in a dress, makeup, perfume, sparkly jewelry, and a pair of plastic toy heels lol. The funny or cool thing though was that my mom never scolded or punished me for it. The worst thing she ever did was say “If Grandpa ever sees you like that he is going to flip”!Oddly, in the fourth grade though, things changed socially a little bit for me. Boys began to come more into my life through athletics. My sister started getting into sports then, and probably because she did, so did I. She was almost 2 years older than me, and she and her friends really pushed me to keep up. I’m not sure why she always included me, but she did. And when she didn’t, I played by myself. I’d bounce a ball off the wall or steps and catch it, or just go to the park and shoot baskets. And I got really good. Better than most of the boys my age!Around this same time I also remember joining the cub scouts, probably only because my mom agreed to be the den mother haha. And that’s when and where I met David, my first real boy crush. He was in my troop, and was officially also the first boy I had ever played with as a friend. He had such nice hair and I remember that I thought he had a nice body and was super cute. We played video games, nerf guns, rode bikes, and watched Scooby-Doo together. To be honest, I didn’t really care what we did when we were together, I just was so happy to be with him! I would drop everything I was doing just to have a play date with him! Unfortunately though, our friendship pretty much came to an end one day when he was caught with another boy together in their underwear in a bathroom at a troop meeting. I was devastated. I cried so hard! I remember my mom understanding why I was hurting, and being so empathetic to the whole situation - perhaps she had already figured out my orientation way before I did lol. To be honest though, looking back David and I never really connected as playmates in the first place, probably because we both viewed the relationship entirely differently. My feelings for him were so much more intense, while his were just casual.Shortly thereafter, I remember developing a crush for a boy in my fourth grade class. He had a cute afro, beautiful smile, gorgeous skin, pretty lips, and a really cute bubble butt! He was different than the other boys. He was smart and didn’t follow the crowd. And he defended me when some of the other boys picked on me for the way I talked, walked, or dressed. Unfortunately, we never got close. He lived on the opposite side of town, and we never were able to spend any time together. I doubt he even knew how I felt about him.In the fifth grade, my mom signed me up for a boys basketball league. I remember being angry and upset about it. I didn’t want to play in it. But somehow she talked me into just giving it a try. Reluctantly I did, and I remember that it felt awkward and very uncomfortable. I was like an alien in a strange world. I couldn’t really explain it, but I felt like I just didn’t belong there. I was so shy, submissive, and effeminate. But I was good at it, and I liked it. People clapped for me and said great game afterwards. And there were the boys! Boys I was just gaga over! It wasn’t really anything sexual at this point though, however I still remember wanting to see them with their clothes off in the locker room or showers every chance I got lol!In the 6th grade, I was still mostly socializing with girls. Emotionally I just connected with them so much more than boys, and we like had way more in common. When I was with them I was happy, relaxed, and comfortable. With boys, I was always so nervous and excited. I was constantly trying to get noticed by them and get their attention. I desperately wanted their approval and to be liked. I’m not a psychologist, but I think that’s why my relationships with boys were pretty much always usually short lived and uneven.At age 12 I met Michael. He was new to the neighborhood at the time and went to a private Catholic school, so he had a separate set of friends and he wasn’t aware of all the things the other boys said and teased me about. He liked basketball and baseball like I did, and had a bigger build - not fat just larger then most of the other boys. We played together quite a bit, and I loved being with him. I don’t think his parents were crazy about me for obvious reasons, but they still let us do sleepovers together. I always preferred that he slept at my house, because my mom always let us sleep in the same bed, whereas his parents did not. I also had more flexibility in terms of what I could wear at my house, and always chose the tiniest shorts or cutest undies to sleep in with him. Every chance I got I always tried to cuddle up close to him while pretending to sleep, but he would just move away or push me away. Finally, I arranged for him to come over one summer morning while my mom was at work and my sister was at a basketball camp. I was at home alone, and put a note on the door for him to just come in to my room and wake me up when he got there. I watched and waited for him to get there. When he arrived, I quickly took of all my clothes and laid uncovered naked in my bed pretending to be asleep. I wanted him to see me naked and touch me. I heard him come into my room and leave, and then he just waited for me in the kitchen. I was so disappointed. When I came out to meet him to go out and play, he didn’t say anything about it - just as if nothing happened. I asked him why he didn’t wake me, and to be honest I can’t remember what he said, but it was something lame. The frustrating thing was, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t take things any further with him. The closest I ever came to messing around with Michael was when we were playing video games one time. He crashed and burned his turn, and wouldn’t give up the controller so I could take my turn. So I grabbed his dick through his shorts and said I wasn’t letting go till he gave me the controller. He wouldn’t give me the controller so I pulled his shorts down and grabbed his dick again. I started fondling it and he seemed to like it, so I then said I was going to kiss it if he didn’t let me have my turn. He then freaked out all of a sudden, and that’s as far as things ever got with him. We hung out for about a year and a half off and on, but I swear he must have not had a single gay hair on his head lol, because he was never interested in anything more than just a regular buddy type of friends.At the end of 6th grade and all through 7th grade, I realized I was different than the other boys. While other boys were talking about girls, I was crushing on boys. Lots of boys, not just Michael. But to be honest, I wasn’t 100% sure that I was gay yet. I mean I knew I liked boys, so I remember coming to the conclusion at that point that I was definitely bisexual and probably gay, but I still wasn’t sure.But I still found girls pretty. I liked how they walked, how they talked, and how they dressed. I wanted to be like them, but I wasn’t at all turned on by them. But yet I remember still being fascinated by them which left me kinda confused. I thought that I couldn’t be gay if I liked so much about them, right?But yet I never dreamed about them or ever fantasized about being with them. I remember that when I caught soft porn on Cinemax or Showtime late at night, I ONLY was into the guy. If the guy was cute, I’d keep watching it. If he wasn’t, I’d turn it off. It didn’t matter at ALL as to what the girl looked like, it was all about the men and their bodies. Any online porn I looked at consisted primarily of gay porn. I still looked at girl porn, but only because I was curious, sort of how you have to look as you drive by a traffic accident lol. However, straight porn or girl porn did nothing for me - I didn’t get aroused by it and couldn’t get off to it.During this time my friends were still pretty much exclusively girls, and my only interaction with boys was through playing sports. It was during this time in middle school that I was teased and bullied the most, as my differences both socially and how I presented and acted started to really separate me from the other boys. Overall all though, with the exception of a couple teachers and a few kids, everyone was pretty accepting and nice.In the 8th grade I recall my girl friends started seriously asking me if I was gay. My answer was ‘I think so’, or ‘I think I probably am’. I remember that even a couple of boys asked, and I gave the same answer. Every time I answered, I got more and more comfortable sharing something that I at first I was hesitant to reveal. By the end of 8th grade, while I was finally completely comfortable sharing my sexuality, I still had not had any sexual experience with anyone, girls or boys. And to be honest I hadn’t fully 100% concluded I was gay or fully come out as gay yet to anyone, not even my family. But that was about to change.At age 14, prior to 9th grade, I played in a summer baseball league with boys from all over town. A few of them went to my school, but most of them didn’t, so most of the boys didn’t really know me. I couldn’t help but notice all the looks and whispers I got though, so I knew the guys I went to school with had informed the other guys on the team of my gayness lol. And the cool thing was, I remember that I didn’t give a fuck, and was actually glad they shared it. One of the boys at one point even asked me directly in front of some other guys on the team if I was gay, and I proudly said ‘Yes, why’? He just responded ‘I dunno, just wondering’. It’s funny, I actually didn’t really realize it then, but looking back this point in time was a big milestone in my life. This was like the first time I actually wanted people to know I was into guys, and I was like totally cool with everyone knowing.There was this boy on the team from a different school, his name was Bobby. I was so hot for him. His hair was dirty blonde and longer, and he had this really cute walk. He was skinny but his butt was round and gorgeous, and he did this amazing hair flip to keep his hair out of his eyes. There were so many times I couldn’t focus on anything but him, and once I even got hit by a ball because I was looking at him and not paying attention lol. His ass looked so good in his baseball pants, and both his grey and white pair fit as tight as mine if not tighter because of his bubble butt. I couldn’t help but notice he always wore tiny bikini underwear, because I could either see the outlines of his undies through his grey pants, or actually see his underwear through his white pants. Bobby had only one other boy on the team from his same school, and they didn’t really talk or click all that much. So since he was a loner and I was somewhat of an outcast, we ended up as warm up partners, playing catch together before practice or games.I remember one practice, Bobby wore his white pants and a pair of dark navy blue striped string underwear underneath them. The sides were just a blue string, and the back barely covered all of his butt. I could see everything through his pants! He had worn sexy underwear before to practice, but never like this! These were really cute, even cuter than my tiny hello kitty underwear and some of the girls underwear I asked my mom to buy for me which also showed through my white pants haha!After practice, a bunch of us were sitting around drinking water, and I got up the courage to ask Bobby what he was doing after practice, and he said ‘nothing at all’ and he asked me if I wanted to come over to his house. Immediately I saw the looks, smirks, and whispers from the other guys, and I knew what they were thinking and saying. I remember just looking at the other boys and smiling, and calmly saying that I would love to come over!After the practice ended, Bobby’s mom drove us to his place. On the way, I remember finding out that his family moved around a lot because of his dad’s work, and they had only been in town for about 10 months. I still remember his mom embarrassing him by saying that “he didn’t have any close friends here yet”, and that “I was the first boy he invited over since they moved here”! I remember that her saying that got me really excited, and that I just couldn’t wait to hang out alone with him!When we got to his house, we immediately went up to his room. He asked if I wanted to play video games or watch a movie. I said a movie, and I remember we started watching ‘Happy Gilmore’ lol. After about an hour or so his mom came in with some popcorn and pop, and said she was going shopping and that she would be back in a little bit. He said ok and got up and locked his door after she left.We were both lying next one another on his bed, and I still remember my heart racing I was so nervous and excited. After the movie I finally got up the courage to say that I could see his underwear through his pants. He kinda smiled but was kinda embarrassed. I said that it was ok and that I liked them and thought they were hot. He then said he heard some of the guys talking about me. I said ‘What did they say’? He then said ‘They said you were gay Brandyn, are you’? I paused and said ‘Yeah, I am, does that bother you’? He smiled and said ‘Fuck no I was hoping you would say that because I think I might be too’. I then put my hand on his leg, leaned in, and kissed him on the mouth. It was just a quick kiss, but my first kiss! He kissed me back and we made out and cuddled with one another until we both had our shirts off and pants undone and were feeling one another’s dicks. Things didn’t go any further than kissing and playing with each other’s cocks that first time, but we still both came. I remember it was truly magical for me, and definitely an awakening for me! I then knew at that point it was guys I really connected with and wanted to be with.Over that summer we hung out together nearly every day, and I fell madly in love with him. I remember being connected with him on so many levels. We shared common interests, liked the same things, and loved having sex. What we couldn’t figure out on our own, we learned from watching porn. I finally understood myself and knew who I was, and I was in love.Knowing and being 100% comfortable I was gay going into high school was a super big thing for me. I didn’t have to pretend to be somebody I wasn’t or hide my true self. I could wear what I wanted, and I could be who I wanted. I also came out to my mom and aunt at that time, and it wasn’t uncomfortable at all, as both of them said they pretty much all ready knew that was the case haha! The tremendous thing was that they were totally supportive and loving. My Aunt Anne is a proud lesbian, and is also pretty butch, so she played a huge role in not only being supportive of my sexuality, but also my feminine and genderqueer presentation. I only wish all families could be like that, and breaks my heart that they are not!Showing up the first day as a freshmen in high school perfumed and smooth all over, with painted nails, a gay haircut, rainbow necklace, wearing a pink tank top, tight jean shorts, glitzy sandals, foundation, bronzer, and lip gloss pretty much set everyone’s gaydar off lol and left no questions as to what my sexuality was haha! And if the way I dressed, presented, walked, and talked didn’t clue everyone in, with some strong encouragement from my aunt, Bobby accompanied me to the freshman welcome dance. Nevertheless, the really funny thing was, that there were still a few girls throughout my freshman and sophomore year that tried to get with me, and on two separate occasions with two separate girls I did let things go farther than they should have lol. Once I was high, but the other time I was not, and I distinctly remember how awkward, gross, disgusting, and uncomfortable that experience was, and how weirded out I was by it. So if I ever needed any reinforcement that I was 1000% gay, these experiences provided it haha! And I have never gotten within 2 feet of a vagina since lol!High school athletics I soon found out, were no longer really going to work for me. I still liked sports, and I played on the freshman basketball and baseball teams, but it was really awkward and I felt really out of place. With basketball, boys had gotten a lot stronger and more physical, and although I could still shoot and dribble, I wasn’t physical and aggressive enough to really contribute, and the other guys started to give me a hard time about that in addition to how girlish I looked and acted. Baseball season was an even bigger disaster, as a rumor or accusation by another boy involving me made me sick and heartbroken. It wasn’t true, but it was enough for me to end high school athletics all together.Nevertheless, while I wasn’t super popular, I wasn’t unpopular either, and I was lucky to have a supportive, small, really good group of friends to spend time with. I joined the choir and drama club, and after Bobby moved away, I dated boys not only from my school but other schools as well. I was truly happy that I was gay, and in a way felt kinda special that I was! I never repressed it, struggled with it, or had to hide it. Not all people for various reasons are that lucky obviously.Going away to college and living on my own allowed me to experiment more with fashion, makeup, and gender. To be honest, I think a lot of my confusion about my sexuality early on was because I never treated gender and sexual orientation separately. I mean I never was physically or sexually attracted to girls, but for me there was still always this fascination and attraction to them. But it was more admiration and wanting to be like them, not any sort of desire to want to be intimate with them. In college freshmen year, with the exception of a few oversized sweatshirts and t-shirts, I made the decision to phase out most of my guy clothes and replace them with girl clothes. Cute shoes were not always easy to find, but because I was slim finding cute clothes in the misses department were not haha! I remember proclaiming my fashion style was androgynous, but my roommates disagreed, and said it was feminine. Either way I really didn’t care, I just felt cute and sexy haha!College also gave me a chance to meet more men, and in the process begin questioning the gender I was born as. After college, to make a long story short, I began taking hormones to transition, but stopped. I realize this is whole different topic, and a rather long story, and not really directly related to this topic, so I won’t go anymore into that here.Lastly, for me personally, I also never had any desire ever to be with girls. Some people say that sexuality is fluid, and I guess if you are bi then maybe it is, but for me I’ve always been and always will be only attracted to guys. I don’t want to sound mean, and I love my girl friends, they are almost always there for me and are lots of fun to hang out with, but the thought of anything physical with girls gives me the creeps lol. I think vag is ugly and gross, and I know I could never tolerate a relationship with a woman. I mean I love girls to death, but for the most part I think a lot of girls are moody, bitchy, bossy, condescending, over emotional, demanding, unapologetic, and sexually inhibited.Anyways that’s my path to realizing and accepting not just that I was 1000% gay and not at all bi, but also realizing that I love my dick and love being male, albeit a very feminine and submissive male! Like I said, there were so many signs even early on in my life, that I truly believe I was born gay.Everyone’s situation and circumstances are different. Just remember to be you and live your life the way you want to. Stay away from the haters, and surround yourself with supportive, open minded, caring people. I hope in some way my answer helps! Peace!

I think for a lot of people it can sometimes be difficult figuring out what their sexual orientation actually is and who they are really attracted to.More than a few people have actually asked me, “When did you realize you were gay, and how did you know?” My answer is kind of confusing, but I always tell them the same thing. That is, I pretty much like always knew I was gay, only I really didn’t! Basically what I mean by that is looking back there were like a gazillion and one signs that I was a super fagtastic gay boy that radiated glittery rainbows, but I really wasn't able to like understand what everything all meant until around the 6th grade lol. However, like I said, there were many, many, clues that I was gay, and they actually started really early in my life.When I was little I absolutely detested boy clothing! I liked glittery, lacy, frilly, socks, shoes, shorts, pants, and underwear. I remember thinking why would anyone want to wear a shirt with a picture of a boring, stupid, truck on it when they could wear one with a bright, pink heart or beautiful princess on it! It just didn’t like make any sense to me lol! I even remember crying on a number of occasions until my mom “compromised” with me on a fashion style we both were able to live with! Still, even after compromising, I remember proclaiming on multiple occasions that I wished I was a girl, and that I didn’t want to be a boy!Socially, up to the fourth grade, I didn’t really play with boys, and the toys that they played with. I had very little interest in balls, trucks, cars, video games, toy guns, or action figures. I didn’t like to roughhouse, fight, or wrestle, or participate in any type of aggressive or dominant behavior. Instead, I preferred to play with girls, specifically my older sister, and the girl next door and her friends. I loved to play Barbies, PollyPockets, cheerleaders, fashion models, pop star divas, dancers, house, and other imaginative play. We did crafts, made jewelry, did one another’s hair, nails, and makeup, and played dress up. At first some of the girls tried to exclude me from stuff, and I remember at one point being so sad that I just went home and sobbed uncontrollably. Luckily, my older sister was a huge advocate for me, and she accused them of being mean and demanded that they include me. While I admit I remember it taking some time, soon they were treating me like one of the girls, letting me be a Barbie and not a Ken, and painting my nails and doing my makeup as well! Thinking back, there were many times I came home all made up in a dress, makeup, perfume, sparkly jewelry, and a pair of plastic toy heels lol. The funny or cool thing though was that my mom never scolded or punished me for it. The worst thing she ever did was say “If Grandpa ever sees you like that he is going to flip”!Oddly, in the fourth grade though, things changed socially a little bit for me. Boys began to come more into my life through athletics. My sister started getting into sports then, and probably because she did, so did I. She was almost 2 years older than me, and she and her friends really pushed me to keep up. I’m not sure why she always included me, but she did. And when she didn’t, I played by myself. I’d bounce a ball off the wall or steps and catch it, or just go to the park and shoot baskets. And I got really good. Better than most of the boys my age!Around this same time I also remember joining the cub scouts, probably only because my mom agreed to be the den mother haha. And that’s when and where I met David, my first real boy crush. He was in my troop, and was officially also the first boy I had ever played with as a friend. He had such nice hair and I remember that I thought he had a nice body and was super cute. We played video games, nerf guns, rode bikes, and watched Scooby-Doo together. To be honest, I didn’t really care what we did when we were together, I just was so happy to be with him! I would drop everything I was doing just to have a play date with him! Unfortunately though, our friendship pretty much came to an end one day when he was caught with another boy together in their underwear in a bathroom at a troop meeting. I was devastated. I cried so hard! I remember my mom understanding why I was hurting, and being so empathetic to the whole situation - perhaps she had already figured out my orientation way before I did lol. To be honest though, looking back David and I never really connected as playmates in the first place, probably because we both viewed the relationship entirely differently. My feelings for him were so much more intense, while his were just casual.Shortly thereafter, I remember developing a crush for a boy in my fourth grade class. He had a cute afro, beautiful smile, gorgeous skin, pretty lips, and a really cute bubble butt! He was different than the other boys. He was smart and didn’t follow the crowd. And he defended me when some of the other boys picked on me for the way I talked, walked, or dressed. Unfortunately, we never got close. He lived on the opposite side of town, and we never were able to spend any time together. I doubt he even knew how I felt about him.In the fifth grade, my mom signed me up for a boys basketball league. I remember being angry and upset about it. I didn’t want to play in it. But somehow she talked me into just giving it a try. Reluctantly I did, and I remember that it felt awkward and very uncomfortable. I was like an alien in a strange world. I couldn’t really explain it, but I felt like I just didn’t belong there. I was so shy, submissive, and effeminate. But I was good at it, and I liked it. People clapped for me and said great game afterwards. And there were the boys! Boys I was just gaga over! It wasn’t really anything sexual at this point though, however I still remember wanting to see them with their clothes off in the locker room or showers every chance I got lol!In the 6th grade, I was still mostly socializing with girls. Emotionally I just connected with them so much more than boys, and we like had way more in common. When I was with them I was happy, relaxed, and comfortable. With boys, I was always so nervous and excited. I was constantly trying to get noticed by them and get their attention. I desperately wanted their approval and to be liked. I’m not a psychologist, but I think that’s why my relationships with boys were pretty much always usually short lived and uneven.At age 12 I met Michael. He was new to the neighborhood at the time and went to a private Catholic school, so he had a separate set of friends and he wasn’t aware of all the things the other boys said and teased me about. He liked basketball and baseball like I did, and had a bigger build - not fat just larger then most of the other boys. We played together quite a bit, and I loved being with him. I don’t think his parents were crazy about me for obvious reasons, but they still let us do sleepovers together. I always preferred that he slept at my house, because my mom always let us sleep in the same bed, whereas his parents did not. I also had more flexibility in terms of what I could wear at my house, and always chose the tiniest shorts or cutest undies to sleep in with him. Every chance I got I always tried to cuddle up close to him while pretending to sleep, but he would just move away or push me away. Finally, I arranged for him to come over one summer morning while my mom was at work and my sister was at a basketball camp. I was at home alone, and put a note on the door for him to just come in to my room and wake me up when he got there. I watched and waited for him to get there. When he arrived, I quickly took of all my clothes and laid uncovered naked in my bed pretending to be asleep. I wanted him to see me naked and touch me. I heard him come into my room and leave, and then he just waited for me in the kitchen. I was so disappointed. When I came out to meet him to go out and play, he didn’t say anything about it - just as if nothing happened. I asked him why he didn’t wake me, and to be honest I can’t remember what he said, but it was something lame. The frustrating thing was, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t take things any further with him. The closest I ever came to messing around with Michael was when we were playing video games one time. He crashed and burned his turn, and wouldn’t give up the controller so I could take my turn. So I grabbed his dick through his shorts and said I wasn’t letting go till he gave me the controller. He wouldn’t give me the controller so I pulled his shorts down and grabbed his dick again. I started fondling it and he seemed to like it, so I then said I was going to kiss it if he didn’t let me have my turn. He then freaked out all of a sudden, and that’s as far as things ever got with him. We hung out for about a year and a half off and on, but I swear he must have not had a single gay hair on his head lol, because he was never interested in anything more than just a regular buddy type of friendship.At the end of 6th grade and all through 7th grade, I realized I was different than the other boys. While other boys were talking about girls, I was crushing on boys. Lots of boys, not just Michael. But to be honest, I wasn’t 100% sure that I was gay yet. I mean I knew I liked boys, so I remember coming to the conclusion at that point that I was definitely bisexual and probably gay, but I still wasn’t sure.But I still found girls pretty. I liked how they walked, how they talked, and how they dressed. I wanted to be like them, but I wasn’t at all turned on by them. But yet I remember still being fascinated by them which left me kinda confused. I thought that I couldn’t be gay if I liked so much about them, right?But yet I never dreamed about them or ever fantasized about being with them. I remember that when I caught soft porn on Cinemax or Showtime late at night, I ONLY was into the guy. If the guy was cute, I’d keep watching it. If he wasn’t, I’d turn it off. It didn’t matter at ALL as to what the girl looked like, it was all about the men and their bodies. Any online porn I looked at consisted primarily of gay porn. I still looked at girl porn, but only because I was curious, sort of how you have to look as you drive by a traffic accident lol. However, straight porn or girl porn did nothing for me - I didn’t get aroused by it and couldn’t get off to it.During this time my friends were still pretty much exclusively girls, and my only interaction with boys was through playing sports. It was during this time in middle school that I was teased and bullied the most, as my differences both socially and how I presented and acted started to really separate me from the other boys. Overall all though, with the exception of a couple teachers and a few kids, everyone was pretty accepting and nice.In the 8th grade I recall my girl friends started seriously asking me if I was gay. My answer was ‘I think so’, or ‘I think I probably am’. I remember that even a couple of boys asked, and I gave the same answer. Every time I answered, I got more and more comfortable sharing something that I at first I was hesitant to reveal. By the end of 8th grade, while I was finally completely comfortable sharing my sexuality, I still had not had any sexual experience with anyone, girls or boys. And to be honest I hadn’t fully 100% concluded I was gay or fully come out as gay yet to anyone, not even my family. But that was about to change.At age 14, prior to 9th grade, I played in a summer baseball league with boys from all over town. A few of them went to my school, but most of them didn’t, so most of the boys didn’t really know me. I couldn’t help but notice all the looks and whispers I got though, so I knew the guys I went to school with had informed the other guys on the team of my gayness lol. And the cool thing was, I remember that I didn’t give a fuck, and was actually glad they shared it. One of the boys at one point even asked me directly in front of some other guys on the team if I was gay, and I proudly said ‘Yes, why’? He just responded ‘I dunno, just wondering’. It’s funny, I actually didn’t really realize it then, but looking back this point in time was a big milestone in my life. This was like the first time I actually wanted people to know I was into guys, and I was like totally cool with everyone knowing.There was this boy on the team from a different school, his name was Bobby. I was so hot for him. His hair was dirty blonde and longer, and he had this really cute walk. He was skinny but his butt was round and gorgeous, and he did this amazing hair flip to keep his hair out of his eyes. There were so many times I couldn’t focus on anything but him, and once I even got hit by a ball because I was looking at him and not paying attention lol. His ass looked so good in his baseball pants, and both his grey and white pair fit as tight as mine if not tighter because of his bubble butt. I couldn’t help but notice he always wore tiny bikini underwear, because I could either see the outlines of his undies through his grey pants, or actually see his underwear through his white pants. Bobby had only one other boy on the team from his same school, and they didn’t really talk or click all that much. So since he was a loner and I was somewhat of an outcast, we ended up as warm up partners, playing catch together before practice or games.I remember one practice, Bobby wore his white pants and a pair of dark navy blue striped string underwear underneath them. The sides were just a blue string, and the back barely covered all of his butt. I could see everything through his pants! He had worn sexy underwear before to practice, but never like this! These were really cute, even cuter than my tiny hello kitty underwear and some of the girls underwear I asked my mom to buy for me which also showed through my white pants haha!After practice, a bunch of us were sitting around drinking water, and I got up the courage to ask Bobby what he was doing after practice, and he said ‘nothing at all’ and he asked me if I wanted to come over to his house. Immediately I saw the looks, smirks, and whispers from the other guys, and I knew what they were thinking and saying. I remember just looking at the other boys and smiling, and calmly saying that I would love to come over!After the practice ended, Bobby’s mom drove us to his place. On the way, I remember finding out that his family moved around a lot because of his dad’s work, and they had only been in town for about 10 months. I still remember his mom embarrassing him by saying that “he didn’t have any close friends here yet”, and that “I was the first boy he invited over since they moved here”! I remember that her saying that got me really excited, and that I just couldn’t wait to hang out alone with him!When we got to his house, we immediately went up to his room. He asked if I wanted to play video games or watch a movie. I said a movie, and I remember we started watching ‘Happy Gilmore’ lol. After about an hour or so his mom came in with some popcorn and pop, and said she was going shopping and that she would be back in a little bit. He said ok and got up and locked his door after she left.We were both lying next one another on his bed, and I still remember my heart racing I was so nervous and excited. After the movie I finally got up the courage to say that I could see his underwear through his pants. He kinda smiled but was kinda embarrassed. I said that it was ok and that I liked them and thought they were hot. He then said he heard some of the guys talking about me. I said ‘What did they say’? He then said ‘They said you were gay Brandyn, are you’? I paused and said ‘Yeah, I am, does that bother you’? He smiled and said ‘Fuck no I was hoping you would say that because I think I might be too’. I then put my hand on his leg, leaned in, and kissed him on the mouth. It was just a quick kiss, but my first kiss! He kissed me back and we made out and cuddled with one another until we both had our shirts off and pants undone and were feeling one another’s dicks. Things didn’t go any further than kissing and playing with each other’s cocks that first time, but we still both came. I remember it was truly magical for me, and definitely an awakening for me! I then knew at that point it was guys I really connected with and wanted to be with.Over that summer we hung out together nearly every day, and I fell madly in love with him. I remember being connected with him on so many levels. We shared common interests, liked the same things, and loved having sex. What we couldn’t figure out on our own, we learned from watching porn. I finally understood myself and knew who I was, and I was in love.Knowing and being 100% comfortable I was gay going into high school was a super big thing for me. I didn’t have to pretend to be somebody I wasn’t or hide my true self. I could wear what I wanted, and I could be who I wanted. I also came out to my mom and aunt at that time, and it wasn’t uncomfortable at all, as both of them said they pretty much all ready knew that was the case haha! The tremendous thing was that they were totally supportive and loving. My Aunt Anne is a proud lesbian, and is also pretty butch, so she played a huge role in not only being supportive of my sexuality, but also my feminine and genderqueer presentation. I only wish all families could be like that, and breaks my heart that they are not!Showing up the first day as a freshmen in high school perfumed and smooth all over, with painted nails, a gay haircut, rainbow necklace, wearing a pink tank top, tight jean shorts, glitzy sandals, foundation, bronzer, and lip gloss pretty much set everyone’s gaydar off lol and left no questions as to what my sexuality was haha! And if the way I dressed, presented, walked, and talked didn’t clue everyone in, with some strong encouragement from my aunt, Bobby accompanied me to the freshman welcome dance. Nevertheless, the really funny thing was, that there were still a few girls throughout my freshman and sophomore year that tried to get with me, and on two separate occasions with two separate girls I did let things go farther than they should have lol. Once I was high, but the other time I was not, and I distinctly remember how awkward, gross, disgusting, and uncomfortable that experience was, and how weirded out I was by it. So if I ever needed any reinforcement that I was 1000% gay, these experiences provided it haha! And I have never gotten within 2 feet of a vagina since lol!High school athletics I soon found out, were no longer really going to work for me. I still liked sports, and I played on the freshman basketball and baseball teams, but it was really awkward and I felt really out of place. With basketball, boys had gotten a lot stronger and more physical, and although I could still shoot and dribble, I wasn’t physical and aggressive enough to really contribute, and the other guys started to give me a hard time about that in addition to how girlish I looked and acted. Baseball season was an even bigger disaster, as a rumor or accusation by another boy involving me made me sick and heartbroken. It wasn’t true, but it was enough for me to end high school athletics all together.Nevertheless, while I wasn’t super popular, I wasn’t unpopular either, and I was lucky to have a supportive, small, really good group of friends to spend time with. I joined the choir and drama club, and after Bobby moved away, I dated boys not only from my school but other schools as well. I was truly happy that I was gay, and in a way felt kinda special that I was! I never repressed it, struggled with it, or had to hide it. Not all people for various reasons are that lucky obviously.Going away to college and living on my own allowed me to experiment more with fashion, makeup, and gender. To be honest, I think a lot of my confusion about my sexuality early on was because I never treated gender and sexual orientation separately. I mean I never was physically or sexually attracted to girls, but for me there was still always this fascination and attraction to them. But it was more admiration and wanting to be like them, not any sort of desire to want to be intimate with them.In college freshmen year, with the exception of a few oversized sweatshirts and t-shirts, I made the decision to phase out most of my guy clothes and replace them with girl clothes. Cute shoes were not always easy to find, but because I was slim finding cute clothes in the misses department were not haha! I remember proclaiming my fashion style was androgynous, but my roommates disagreed, and said it was feminine. Either way I really didn’t care, I just felt cute and sexy haha!College also gave me a chance to meet more men, and in the process begin questioning the gender I was born as. After college, to make a long story short, I began taking hormones to transition, but stopped. I realize this is whole different topic, and a rather long story, and not really directly related to this topic, so I won’t go anymore into that here.Lastly, for me personally, I also never had any desire ever to be with girls. Some people say that sexuality is fluid, and I guess if you are bi then maybe it is, but for me I’ve always been and always will be only attracted to guys. I don’t want to sound mean, and I love my girl friends, they are almost always there for me and are lots of fun to hang out with, but the thought of anything physical with girls gives me the creeps lol. I think vag is ugly and gross, and I know I could never tolerate a relationship with a woman. I mean I love girls to death, but for the most part I think a lot of girls are moody, bitchy, bossy, condescending, over emotional, demanding, unapologetic, and sexually inhibited.Anyways that’s my path to realizing and accepting not just that I was gay, but also realizing that I love my dick and love being male, albeit a very feminine and submissive male! Like I said, there were so many signs even early on in my life, that I truly believe I was born gay.Everyone’s situation and circumstances are different. Just remember to be you and live your life the way you want to. Stay away from the haters, and surround yourself with supportive, open minded, caring people. I hope in some way my answer helps someone! Peace!