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I had a grandfather who was different than most. When he was young, he was diagnosed with MS end sometime when I was very little too young to remember he was put in a nursing home because he started to get to where he couldn't walk anymore due to the muscular degeneration and things and trouble with talking etc. and his memory etc. he lived his entire life from like his 40s and 50s in a nursing home and he was French he was full-blown French from a part of France that speaks the same kind of French as Louisiana Creole I believe and it's not a very common dialect of French so nobody in the nursing home really wanted to try and speak with him in French it was always English and there was a lot of Spanish so he just didn't have anybody to talk to him it was always we had to visit every week several times a week to give him any interaction because he just didn't get that all these older people were like old old and he was in his 40s living in like hospice care but doing it in a nursing home with old people and I felt so bad for him always even at 10 years old I understood all these old people and this guy who is only in his mid to late 40s all by himself he's the odd duck out of this facility and we have having to shift him to different facilities over the next few years because he just wasn't getting exactly what he needed because everything was for old people and even though he was basically not capable of writing his name anymore because of his muscular degeneration and the fact that his wrists had kinda formed a certain position and would never be able to move out of that position again and he had to talk with slurred speech and he needed his bed changed all the time he basically was like an old person but he wasn't and he deserves better dignity then to be treated like an old person that we couldn't afford to get him an old folks living facility either by any stretch of the imagination because it was the early 90s and my parents had zilch money so much little money that we didn't even know Santa Claus basically we had had secret Santa a few times from my mom's friends to make it through Christmas a few times and we had to learn early look mom and dad are Santa Claus that's why you're getting rid off toys you're not getting unicorns and ponies like you asked you're getting things like socks and clothes and practical toys for and it looks funny because it's a Santa Claus basically God incarnate and he can do anything and there's no limit to what Santa can bring you he's not limited by that you ask for a unicorn he's gonna give you a uniform why not and we couldn't understand so my mom had to explain this is why you're not getting up to Parkis for what you expect Cianchette to be capable of and we learn quickly we're not greedy kids we're not selfish actually for Christmas I prefer to give instead of getting I learned real early the art of giving and that being a love language more than getting and I was always very altruistic and I think that was on part my parents because they raised me to be that way early and it helped not knowing Santa Claus I will admit that it shocks people to think we didn't have Santa Claus but we did we had Christmas we had toys I parents did everything they could to try to make it the best they could but we didn't know it as Santa we knew it as mom and dad and it was equally as good and we still watched Christmas movies etc. for we still love Christmas and Santa Claus is something we like. Didn't deter us any in that. but I will save five parents for had to do our childhood that way because of that you know imagine them trying to afford sending my grandpa to someplace they'll give him the absolute best care beyond a nursing home and it just wasn't gonna happen and I feel like you know what we wouldn't have been able to afford keeping him at home either because we can't afford to change his sheets and is Cheyer and we can't afford to date him we don't have the time for I was young I had autism growing up didn't know it until I was 16 when I was officially diagnosed but I was that child and my mom ended up homeschooling because school was not easy to get through for me academically or socially and my mom was struggling at work and so my dad decided to make it work so that my mom could homeschool me and that made money even tighter so we just really couldn't deal with trying to be bad for my grandpa even though that would've been the better option we couldn't have done it so I definitely understand what it's like to wonder can I take this on can I do this do I really want to take this on with my dad I have a lot going on I have too many things with my kids and he needs more care than I can get and he won't like all the chaos with the children etc. all those questions we thought of and we realized the best option was just try to find him the best facility we could find and it took three facilities before we finally found one that actually was a nice easy facility where he would get taken out in his chair to his balcony to go see the birds and it was like he had a really big room where he was all by himself and instead of another bed on the other side it was empty and he had a chair and a bookshelf and he had a French door that went out to a balcony but it was still a nursing home it wasn't like a apartment or anything it wasn't like old folks apartments. But that was still good quality for a nursing home. you know he ended up dying at like 55 from MS in a nursing home. who really wants that life for their parents but you know when you can't afford much else it's all you can do and you do the best with that that you can. But you know what if you've got a lot going on with kids and teenagers and work and it's chaos and you don't think your dad will handle that very well but you do have some form of income to help him I would say see if there's a possibility of him living in the basement if you have a nice basement and having a visiting Angels staff or whatever you might call it where you live somebody that's like a nursing home staff but they come to your house weekly for and take care of them from your house if that's possible. Or if all you can do is send him to H nursing home then for see about getting the best possible that you can afford. You know they are old and they don't know much for but they do at the same time think about your children when your children Grow up for and take care of you for how do you want them to see the way you raise your father ? You want them to see a certain way that you've raised your father to know this is how I should treat my mother and my father when I'm that age and they need me now. For it's not an easy thing for for take care of your parents when they are old and you have children you're taking care of and work and probably very little money and not a big enough house but if you can do it for see what there is you don't have to be the one to take care of them you know have a staff come to your house if you can afford that if it's something on his Social Security that he can get as a benefit of his Social Security or if you can afford that and you know I would think so as an option for or you know what if he can go live at a living facility like an apartment for old people for he's got staff that come in every few hours and give him meds and make sure he's safe and take him to the dining hall but he's living in his own apartment as much as can be for his age for free but he doesn't feel like he's living in a hospital bed like most nursing homes you know whatever you can do.