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00ĺIn 2006 I was married with two boys in private schools. I lived in a three-story house in one of the best suburbs in the city. I had a corporate yacht, drove a porsche 911, had been offered $20 million for my business two years earlier which I had declined. I owned around $4 million in real estate, flew first class on family holidays every year and took my eighty-odd staff on four-day conferences to five-star resorts every year. At thirty-nine, I was featured as sixty-fifth in our country’s richest under forty. I was the only child of a single parent migrant mum so I had experienced poverty and felt I had accomplished plenty—a classic, rags to riches story, life was good, but as they say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.2009 following the GFC I had three staff left and had moved to a much smaller office. We were just keeping our heads above water trying to wait out the fallout when we became embroiled in a legal battle with a large multi-national who we funded our mortgages through and who was itself experiencing problems due to the GFC and decided it would no longer pay us the monthly fees due.We had to wait for the outcome of the court proceedings to start getting paid again and the company dragged it out for four years which saw the yacht, the car, the three remaining staff, and eventually the business go. Soon after, my marriage broke down and I relinquished the house to my wife without a fight, hoping she would be a good caretaker for the kids’ inheritance and keep it safe from creditors. The kids took the separation badly and my eldest son, who was in his mid teens, spiraled out of control with alcohol and drugs.Thinking creditors would soon take whatever money was left, I rented a luxury apartment overlooking the harbour and locked myself away until the money ran out, waiting to hit rock bottom. I know now what I didn’t know then, that I was suffering from extreme depression. I stopped contacting people and would leave phone calls, mail, and emails unanswered. I hit the booze hard, as I sold off the remaining business assets to pay for rent and food. I kept thinking of ideas to start a new business but would keep putting it off, until four years later I had only $60,000 left.While times were good I had given my mum a mobile phone and a cab charge card, as by that stage she was a pensioner and did not drive. They were the last things I reined in and it was hard to do, as mum would constantly tell me how proud she was of me and bragged to anyone who would listen about my success. Finally I plucked up enough courage to tell her I had to stop paying for both and in a series of unfortunate incidents mum started to show the first signs of dementia. Her decline was rather quick and it became obvious to me that she could no longer look after herself as the cleanliness of the house of my usually compulsively clean mother deteriorated rapidly.Seeing my mum in such a state must have snapped me out of my depression because I moved in with her and began upgrading and cleaning the house. Within two years her conditioned had declined so much that I had become her full-time caretaker: cooking, cleaning, taking her to medical appointments and outings, but as her health further declined I could not keep up the level of care her condition now required, so I eventually found a good nursing home for her. I was again without a purpose but I was over the depression (mum’s final unintended—but most valuable—gift to me before entering the nursing home).The solicitor helping me with mum’s paper work offered me a partnership to help him grow his business. My son had regained control over his life and both were now in universities. I had not spoken to my wife since the breakup. I was happy with the level of care mum was receiving and I was back on track working on growing a new business again, but I was soon to learn that falls from grace like that are not so easily forgiving.The first sign that this was not a fresh start came ten months into the partnership when we tried to get an overdraft and it was declined due to the fact that I now had a bad credit rating. This put a strain on the partnership even though we had managed substantial growth. Then my partner received a call from child services: apparently they had assessed my income at $400,000 a year and I was suppose to be paying my wife child support for the last six odd years based on that level of income, even though my income was nil and I was living off of selling off assets. The debt was now over $90,000 and they wanted to garnishee my drawings from the business. In the same week the tax office called to say they wanted to garnishee my drawings for an outstanding tax debt of $50,000 from the sale of some of the real estate assets. A week after that phone call I received a message from my partner while at home:“The locks on the premises at work have been changed, you can no longer operate the company bank accounts and I have removed you as a director and shareholder on the company register, don’t bother coming in. I would encourage you to fight me but I know you don't have the money.”I was devastated, but keen to not fall back into a depression. After applying for over a hundred jobs and getting knocked back, I was feeling like a failure and finding it hard not to fall back into depression. It was looming just on the horizon, beckoning for me to escape again into a drunken state of self pity. I felt like I was in a scene from the movie Trading Places.One day one of my boys made the comment to me that I was the role model for him and his brother, implying they need to see how I handle situations so they can learn from it. While I didn't answer them as I was aware that I was at one of the lowest points of my life, it served to reminded me that wealth and health in this life come and go. When money is not an issue, honesty and integrity are easy to come by. How someone deals with adversity is the true indication of a person’s character. The legacy I want to leave them as a father has become the main motivation for me not to give up.Discovering Quora and answering business questions was a Godsend as the reactions I was getting from answers kept reminding me that I still had a great deal of business acumen and skill.I went into consulting and managed to pick up four regular clients and the odd, single session consulting job. While I loved the work, I was spending over 50% of my time chasing payments which I hated with a passion.Around the same time I found myself dumping one evening on a good Russian friend. Her response resonated with me:“There’s an old Russian saying that says ‘If you want to know which direction to head in, look at where you’ve been and where you are now—that should point you in the right direction.’”That night I decided to get back into finance. Much had changed following the GFC and I now needed a credit licence to operate, and I needed an industry diploma to get the licence.While I am not there yet, I have completed the diploma on line, have re-established old industry contacts, have sorted out the tax office debt. I have a solicitor working for me on the child support debt and I am trying to get the old company name back. I have to constantly fight to keep the depression from surfacing. Now in my 50s, this will be my final shot at rebuilding and I intend to make sure I don’t miss it. While I have relapsed for an evening on the odd occasion, every win is an inch forward and suppressing the feeling of failure and the resulting depression gets easier to manage with every step forward.If all goes to plan, I should be able to open the doors of a new business with an old name in the next six weeks, but because things rarely ever go to plan so I’m giving myself until the end of this year.When I look back, even as I write this, I find it easy to blame others, my circumstances, the economy anything but myself for my fall from grace. It takes years to face up to the fact that while many things may have contributed to my present situation but it was mainly my poor decisions that are to blame.Hopefully when I am back there again, it will be as someone who is older, wiser, more experienced and certainly more humble than in the past.Edit 14/9/19: I am overwhelmed by the support readers are showing. I never expected this answer to get so much attention and initially I was going through and acknowledging every comment and answering every question but this morning I woke up to over 1,000 notifications. Up-votes are near 5,000 and readership is approaching 90,000. It is both motivating and inspiring.I want to thank everybody that has commented and up-voted this answer, and in particular those that have indicated a connection with my story by being in similar circumstances. To you I wish all the best for the future and say to you what I constantly say to myself, “though the mountain looks daunting, if you have climbed it before, there is no reason why you cant climb it again,” but let's not focus on the climb, having fallen, been hurt and recovered, let's instead remember the remarkable view from the top as we inch forward.Edit 22/10 Over 14000 upvotes, hundreds of responses, 120 shares and approaching 250K views. I feel somewhat overwhelmed by the support of strangers and want to thank everyone that took the time to upvote and/or comment.For those that have asked for an update here is where I am at;I have been running around trying to reestablish old industry contacts and look for a mortgage funder. I have found 2 willing to support me.Both I have done business with in the past and one has offered an office on the fringe of the city on a week to week basis and staff support costed out on an as needs basis. This is a huge help for a start up and I am grateful the relationship remained solid and for their faith in me.The other has just been appointed as the CEO of a new funding company using block chain technology.I have also been talking to two other people in the industry about a potential partnership. This has fallen through after weeks of discussions but fortunately I continued to progress as solo operator in case it fell through.The tax office debt has been resolved and extinguished and I have caught up on 3 years tax returns.I have found a government program that pays $1000 a month for a year to aid with a start up and provides a business coach for 3 months and I have enrolled into it. It’s not a lot but it’s going to be a huge help in those first 12 months.Also this morning I received an offer for an interview for a senior role in a well-funded startup. It is just an interview which I will attend (like many before) but will continue to progress the business plan in the probable event I am not accepted for the role and will decide whether to take it if an offer is made. That decision will depend on how much more progress I have made toward my startup business, I have already invested a lot of time in progressing it forward.I have researched trying to get the old name back, as there is some residual marketing value in the name (I used to spend $50K a month on advertising). My accountant is working on it. Unfortunately, although flattering, quite a few companies in finance decided to use the name the moment the trademark expired, but my accountant thinks it may be possible.I negotiated a final settlement with the solicitor; it was nowhere near what it was worth, but I needed to close that chapter and move on.Some obstacles still to overcome:The child support case is ongoing. While the department acknowledges I was not earning $400,000 a year, they are relying on the fact that I am out of time to protest their decision. and I should have done it 5 years ago, so the debt stands. I explained that I was in a depression, but not having a doctor’s certificate to prove it according to them makes it just “hearsay”. I am appealing the decision.I received a letter from the Department of Human services to say that since mum owns a house and she has now been in full-time care for over 12 months, under new laws that applied after 1/1/17 (she entered the nursing home on 1/9/17), anyone with a home in full-time care for over 12 months forgoes their pension. I have applied for a reverse mortgage against her home to help pay for her care, but it can only be a temporary solution, so I need to start earning enough money quickly to fund her care.Thank you all again for your support. Whenever I feel I’m in over my head, I go back to this post and take the time to read all your uplifting comments, and 20 minutes of doing so recharges my resolve to see this through.Hopefully the next edit will be the day I open the doors of the new business.EDIT 17 DecemberWell it’s nearly the end of the year. Reading all the comments on this thread has become my “go to” when I need a pick up; and again, thank you all for your kind words of support. This I hope will be my final update.I mentioned in an earlier edit that I was going for a job interview. It turns out it was for a partnership role in a startup. I was offered the partnership and very excited mainly due to the caliber of the other 3 partners. As they say, the sum of the total skill and knowledge base in the partnership is more valuable than the sum of the individual parts. Exciting enough for me to walk away from my own startup as well as the government grant based on the strength and skillset of my potential partners .The startup is what is know in the industry as a “Fintech”, a finance business that relies heavily on modern technology platforms. I am honored to be partnering with such high-caliber people and that they even see me as a colleague. To date, the company has been formed, a placeholder webpage has been developed, a pitch deck presentation is being worked on to take to venture capitalists, and an outline of the business model has been developed.We start officially in February, and I am in the process of tying up loose ends.I managed to have mum’s pension re-instated under a provision in the legislation that will continue to exclude her home from her assets test. It took reading the new legislation, identifying the provision, a letter to the department quoting the clause in the legislation and providing evidence that mum’s situation meets that provision and 7 weeks of follow up for a positive response. Something I would have found overwhelming 5 years ago.To that extent the only thing left to clear up is the child support debt, which I continue to work on. There is also a Parliamentary inquiry into the child support system that I intend to make a submission to, while it won’t help me directly, I am sure it will help many who might end up in my situation in the future.While this will be my last update on this thread. I continue to get wonderful comments from strangers all over the world who connect with my story, made more so by those of you who comment about being inspired by my plight. The fact is that every time I come back to this thread, it is your comments of support that have inspired me.

I think it’s bullshit.I don’t think it’s a good idea to continue to date a man you know to be married, not only because when the shit hits the fan you’ll get some on you, but because a man who will lie to his wife to be with you will probably lie to you to be with the next woman, if he isn’t already lying to you about something else.But to call a woman names for dating a married man strikes me as rank hypocrisy and misogyny.When a man gets married, he makes promises to the person he marries. The traditional marriage vows in most countries include promises of fidelity and monogamy, so unless the man in question has specifically agreed different vows, or had a very specific conversation with his spouse granting permission for extramarital affairs, it’s not the woman he dates who is betraying and jeopardizing an existing relationship.It’s not possible to date a man without his knowledge, and without his consent. Nor is it possible for man a man to be married without his knowledge and consent. If a man knows he is married, and knows he’s dating a woman who isn’t his wife, he knows he’s breaking his wife’s trust and risking their relationship.To blame a woman for a man’s infidelity is to infantilize the man and deny his responsibility for his own actions, and to demonize the woman for another responsible adult’s actions. It implies that men are so stupid and impulsive and hopelessly led by their dicks that at the prospect of a new and different sex partner they’ll lie to their families and throw away every shred of personal integrity and loyalty, and that women are callous and predatory creatures who destroy other people’s relationships for some mix of sexual gratification, financial gain and perverse joy in other women’s misery.So I take back what I said earlier. It’s not misogyny, it’s misanthropy.

Existing as an iNtuitive, let alone an INTJ, in our society is not easy. If you take into consideration the fact that roughly 70% of the population are sensors - with a daunting 40% of those being SJs - it’s not hard to imagine how an iNtuitive, who collectively represent just 30% of the general public, could wind up feeling like a defective outcast. And for your average INTJ - who represent just 2.5% of the population - that self-perception is doubly intense. With their infamous social awkwardness, the quiet intensity of their presence, their staunch unwillingness to conform to social norms, their unconventional perspectives, and their unsettling knack for knowing things that they shouldn’t be able to know, it’s not uncommon for INTJs to find themselves consistently falling just outside the range of social acceptability, for one reason or another.Some INTJs, like me, respond to this innate acknowledgement of how different their internal landscape is from the vast majority of humanity by questioning themselves. For most of my life, I genuinely believed that I was just fundamentally broken as a human being. It felt like I was missing something that everybody else seemed to have an innate understanding of - I couldn’t wrap my head around the reason why, for example, I seemed to learn so differently from everybody else in school. It was impossible for me to memorize things like names, dates, terms, and raw data; I tried for years to force myself to learn information through rote memorization, but it never worked. I would often go to bed, frustrated and self-flagellating, after a long day of trying to learn a new concept that I just didn’t understand - only to wake up in the morning and suddenly just get it. I was perpetually frustrated by my teachers’ unwillingness to answer my questions: “We don’t cover that topic until next year. Right now, this is what we’re working on.” They didn’t seem to comprehend that I needed this information in order to understand the subject matter. It wasn’t until I was sixteen years old that I first discovered there were other people in the world who perceived things in the same way that I did.But there are some INTJs respond to this ostracism by going the opposite way. These are the INTJs of legend, spoken of in hushed tones only in the darkest recesses of the Internet (aka, literally every MBTI-centered forum, Facebook group, subreddit, and chatroom) - the ones who live up to every criticism and flaw associated with the INTJ personality type, and then some. These are the INTJs who are arrogant, condescending, narcissistic, belittling, superior, self-aggrandizing, close-minded, ideologically rigid, egotistical, respond aggressively to perceived slights, paradoxically sensitive, vindictive, self-isolating, incapable of honest self-reflection, consider themselves above others, labels any who disagree with their perceptions as unintelligent and unthinking sheeple, controlling, and willing to inflict pain and suffering in pursuit of their grand vision - to them, the ends always justify the means.This breed of INTJ wields their personality type like a weapon, an objective confirmation of their superiority. Instead of using their rare gifts to lend their unique strengths to others, they use them to bully, mock, and belittle those who think differently than they do. Instead of recognizing that the way they think and communicate their ideas is inherently difficult for most people to comprehend, they conclude that others are just simply too stupid to understand the depth and complexity of their thought process. Instead of using Ni’s valuable talent for understanding different perspectives, they use it to affirm their own perspective, cherry-picking information to support their conclusions. And it certainly doesn’t help that the entire MBTI community holds some kind of bizarre fascination for Ni, especially when it comes to INTJs - I’ve seen more people admit to being the most attracted to them - or wishing they could become one - than for any other type, by leaps and bounds. And maybe the reason that I don’t find Ni that enthralling is because I’m an INTJ myself, but the MBTI community’s preoccupation with Ni just seems incomprehensible to me.Many of the INTJs of this ilk became this way as a defense mechanism. It’s easy to consider yourself superior on the Internet where you’re surrounded by other iNtuitives (especially considering the general reverence that the online typology community holds for Ni); but in real life, no matter how arrogant or self-assured they are, every single INTJ will have at least one experience with being perceived as unacceptably strange. With feeling misunderstood. With getting frustrated by the struggle to accurately communicate the complexity of Ni’s perceptions. With wishing they could find somebody who sees all the angles they do. With finding themselves in a room full of sensors who communicate in a completely different way than they do. With being awkward during a conversation because they don’t know what the socially appropriate thing to say is. With feeling like the entire system just wasn’t built for somebody who thinks like they do.It isn’t fun or rewarding to grow up feeling like you’re defective as a human being. You don’t get bragging rights, and it doesn’t feel like anything to be proud of. It’s doesn’t make you feel cool and unique to be acutely aware of the knowledge that at best, your own mother doesn’t really understand who you are, and never will (and at worst, openly regards you as a disappointment because you weren’t the daughter she imagined herself having, and only barely tolerates your presence in her life because she has to maintain her social image). But healthy INTJs, who take these experiences and use them to grow instead of to build a defensive wall around their egos, are proud of what makes them different. They appreciate their unique perspective, their intensely analytical minds, their perceptiveness, their creativity. They use their rarity as a way to contribute the gift of their unusual insights, not to feel superior about their existence. They take pride in their singular dedication to honesty, integrity, and self-improvement. Being an INTJ is something to be proud of, as long as you use your unique gifts to add value to the world around you, instead of trying to use them as a way to bolster your own sense of superiority.For INTJs like me, it’s easier to see myself as the odd one out, and to accept the fact that I’m the one who’s weird. But for some INTJs - the ones who, deep down, struggle with a massive inferiority complex - it’s much simpler to argue that it’s the rest of society who are wrong, not themselves.