New Student Club Recognition Checklist: Fill & Download for Free

I wouldn’t want to comment on Vedantu or for that matter any company. We don’t endorse anyone here on Quora. Don’t want to endorse private players. It’s completely your call, who you want to work with. Don’t think of extracurricular activities as a checklist. You don’t have to check it off your list; instead, I would strongly suggest thinking of it as things you are passionate about, pursue your passion.Here’s my own example. I am very passionate about yoga. If you think about it, logically you may not seem to find any connection between yoga and Harvard University. Did I get selected on the basis of my profile? A lot of factors come into play.Any extracurricular activity is a good addition to your profile, as it helps you not just by building a strong college application, but also adds a new dimension to your profile. So, if teaching is your passion then any experience you have related to teaching will definitely add value.Here are my top tips on how to maximize what you gain from your engagementoutside of work:1. Consistency & Commitment.Don’t have a laundry list of one-off activities. It’s moreimportant to demonstrate both consistency and commitment. Rather than being involved in 10 different engagements, focus your time and energy on a few activities that are most important to you. Emphasis should be on the depth of your involvement, not just the breadth. Identify what skills or activities are RELEVANT and align with your goals.2. Growth.Make sure that you are increasing your involvement and/or that you are showcasingyour growth. For example, at an academic front, this would mean completing your CFA and not just taking the Level 1 exam.3. Leadership.Make sure that you demonstrate leadership and initiative, especially in your areaof interest. I know that there can only be 1 club president for example, but there are other ways to take on leadership roles. For example, you can take initiative in your chosen area of interest. If you enjoy marketing, then advise a startup on its growth strategy and social media presence. If you are football fanatic, start a coaching program at your local NGO and introduce others to the sport.4. Awards & Recognition.Try and receive awards or recognition or top rank for your work. Thiscould be at a personal level, or for the project you worked on. If you are working on a research paper, have it published in recognized journals.5. Start early.It takes time to develop the appropriate skill set and credentials. Three to fouryears prior to applying is the ideal time to start exploring your interests and get fully involved, so that by application time you have a firm standing in your activities.6. Find the right balance.Remember that extra-curricular activities support your professional growth. Your organizational skills come into play here, and the right balance very clearly demonstrates to the colleges your ability to manage time and prioritize.7. Work towards quantifiable results.You need to make an impact on the activities you engage in. If you are organizing a fundraiser for your NGO, then you also need to set and achieve high goals and make sure they are earmarked for a specific purpose. Raising $10,000 for 15 new computers at low income-school leaves a larger and tangible impact. You need to be consistently engaged in developing appropriate skill sets and relevant activities outside of your professional life. Use your core strengths and allow these extra-curricular activities to reinforce why you are a great candidate and right fit for your target schools.

To start with let me put this infront of all of you. Success in life can be measured in various parameters and in order to get successs you must be in a job that you have passion in. So different people have different interest fields and no one can comment anything about the individual choices one has.I followed the normal course as most young guys follow, 12th and then engineering from a regional but top notch college. Till here it sounds like the most common stories of all times, but the difference was my real passion for engineering and to become a software engineer who earns hell amount of money and is succesful. And I kept on wondering how???I had a huge baggage of burdens and expectations always on my shoulders and failed to deliver only once when I missed to get into IIT by a whisker despite a score. My AIEEE score landed me to this college and I was feeling ashamed of my dream that I was carrying. Only thing I had with me in those 4 years of college was my belief in myself and a girlfriend who had the belief that I can achieve what I dreamt of.I cracked 3 companies during placement but when the offer letter came I was blown away seeing the petty amounts that IT companies were offering. I joined the company offering the most and I can claim that yes it was petty 5lpa that I was drawing. And had at least 400 batchmates with me, I feel like lost and thought of how I can shine in such a crowd.Thanks to that GF (who is ex now) I focused in a different way. For the initial 1 year I considered myself as a student in college who gets money for studying. I made a checklist of what I wanted to achieve in this 1 year(this included being critical resource, client appreciation, awards and recognition, getting into a dynamic and interesting field etc). With that mindset the salary drawn was satisfactory.Meanwhile hard work was on. Extra studies of new technologies after office hours. I was thrown into manual testing project. I never refused but used to keep books in my drawer in order to utilize the time I used to save during work. I used to study while other batchmates preferred lurking around in cafeteria and “enjoying”. To be honest I also wanted to enjoy but I consoled myself saying that right time will come for me to enjoy.I told the management I wanted to be a developer and I can prove my skills if they gave me an internal project to work on. A Dev lead saw that spark fuming and agreed to take me in project once I completed my current testing assignment. I did not leave the focus on current testing assignment and completed the delivery with overall single digit of defect count in all phases of UAT and Production (and we had raised a whopping 382 defects in our testing). I was made unofficial lead and critical resource there.For my performance I was rated with the topmost rating and awarded the topmost award in the first year itself. I felt myself sparkling distinct, but that dream was still distant. But if you have worked hard the destiny will make you achieve what you had in mind. A senior manager saw the performance sheet and called me separately into his cabin. He said he was applying my Visa despite the rule that 3+ years resource only should be allowed to apply. And I should keep it to myself. I nervously shook my head and filled my form with details. Next year I was selected in the H1B list. I could not believe what had happened. Now the wait was on, it was so hard for me to keep that secret to myself. I thanked the almighty, my parents and that special girl who had been with me during every step taken.Meanwhile I also got into User Interface development, as I had requested it in my career aspiration and performed well in the internal project task allocated. I was not able to get a project to travel onsite for an year,killing my H1B visa time period. I started getting demotivated and fussy due to the frustating wait and a bit of politics which was expected as I was too young.Again I focused myself on setting myself up as per industrial standards. I decided to appear in all interviews to check and test my UI skills. In that period of 10 months I cracked around 15 companies starting from TCS to Deloitte and Synechrone. Every time I kept asking for better package and refused to join. Even if I was not selected I worked on the shortcomings and worked harder on those . Till the end I was able to draw 10 lpa offshore and 90–95 USD onsite package which made me feel satisfied. Meanwhile wait was over and my company itself sent me to onsite after an year , I also agreed as I din’t want to leave my first company for the opportunities they had provided to a fresher from college. I was surprised that my role was of a senior and wasn't degraded to the normal roles that others were offered during final processing. I was a senior analyst and when I saw paychecks I saw I was a notch ahead of what other friends (seniors of mine) were fetching from other companies.Currently I am based in Dallas Texas and package converted to offshore is really good. Yes I am happy but not Satisfied. I don't want to get complacent and I am focusing on higher heights. I am upgrading new skill sets,and talked to my manager to give me higher roles and multiple domains to handle. I have been made a lead and I am handling offshore and onsite with guys having thrice as experience as mine. I am too happy with my job profile currently. But I will never be satisfied as the moment I think I am satisfied I will loose my zeal to achieve higher.Meanwhile I am “enjoying” life big time. Parties,clubs ,casinos, long drives and adventure trips. I have a weird fascination list of mine to be ticked as well. I have also kept an aim to improve on other prospects in life. I am a part of college environment club as an alumnus, I talked to all my relatives who never talked to me and also old friends by searching them on FB ( especially those who had speculated a lot about me). I am also planning to write a book to motivate youths who are lost in the sea of multitudes who are just following some distant light at horizon (similar to what I was doing in final year !), I aim to have guest lectures for engineers when I visit India and help them make better decisions in life when they are in career making stage.Life will go on and I will not stop running to take a breath. This professional world is a sea of opportunities and you can dive in deeper and deeper. I hope I will keep on posting new avenues of my life as I keep on going ahead.

James was born thirty-seven years ago. His birth was the fulfillment of his parents' and grandparents' hopes but hardly a spectacular event for anyone else. The first five years of his life were typical: breast feeding, potty training, a dozen stitches, and the birth of a new brother and sister who seemed tolerable to him most of the time. He was loved, played with, spanked occasionally, and generally nurtured in the best traditions of a Latter-day Saint family. He was an "okay" kid whose early development was essentially natural, timely, and orderly.In the second grade he became aware that he was shorter than the other kids. He first noticed when other kids started calling him Shorty and teased him about his size. Nevertheless, he learned to read, write, count, and ride his bike just like everyone else. He tried to pretend that being small didn't matter very much, but it really did. By the fifth grade there was still no improvement in his comparatively short height. He was growing and maturing, all right, but the other kids were growing faster. He eventually stopped hoping to be as tall as the others and just prayed that he wouldn't stop growing very soon.He heard all of the reassuring words from sensitive teachers and caring parents, but it didn't help much. It certainly didn't make up for being picked last for most team sports. And that's what clinched it. By the time he was in the fourth grade he had a well-established case of self-consciousness that was primarily an outgrowth of his small stature.That his younger brother Frankie was twice as big and much more athletic didn't help matters. That was particularly evident when they both wound up on the same peewee league baseball team together. Frankie played a key position on the team, had a great throwing arm, and was a big hitter. He was always noticed and even got his picture in the neighborhood paper once for playing such a good game. James learned to live with it, but it was never easy.The league rules required that every player have a turn at bat whether he played in the field or not. That alone kept the possibility open that James could one day hit a line drive out of the infield with the winning runs on base. Regrettably, however, James hardly ever hit the ball when it was his turn at bat. Because of his short stature, few pitchers could throw the ball in the infinitesimally small strike zone he provided, and he almost always drew a walk. Oh well, he at least got to run the bases that way.One day the team was taking batting practice before a game. James was at bat. The coach was pitching to him. James swung at every pitch and generally made contact with the ball. He was determined to hit that line drive out of the infield even if it was only in batting practice. Right in the middle of his turn, the coach stopped pitching, called the team around him, and asked everyone to take note of how eager James was to hit the ball—how he took a "cut" at every pitch. The coach said he wanted everyone on the team to approach the plate with the same hitting attitude.Naturally, James was in ecstasy. The coach's comments, though intended for the team, had lifted his self-esteem to the heavens. He felt important. He had been noticed. He was an example of something good. And it felt great. That he walked once and struck out twice in the game was easily overlooked. Praise at last!CommentaryJames, like anyone who is self-conscious and feels inferior, was clearly eager for the approval, recognition, and acceptance of others. That need for acceptance and approval made his teen years particularly difficult. During those years, the stakes of individuality and conformity are much higher. Individuality and self-government run the risk of alienating others—a loss that is seldom affordable by those with low levels of self-esteem. But conformity to the whims and expectations of others is equally risky. Conformity can bring acceptance, but that acceptance depends on allegiance to group values that are seldom congruent with the values or practices of most Latter-day Saint families. And so the battle for self-direction and internal development in this young man's life entered its most crucial stage.TeensThe teenage years were difficult for James. It was nearly impossible for him to gain peer recognition without compromising the values he'd been raised with. When he could not get the stylish clothes that his peers wore, he was deeply distressed, but his parents simply could not afford them. He worried so much about the bullies at school that he started taking karate lessons. He had only a few very close friends. They were meaningful and satisfying relationships, but they did not include the most popular kids in school. In these close relationships James first discovered that others found his sense of humor very entertaining. His sense of humor started earning him the approval and attention of others he so desperately wanted. It was quite natural, then, that he gradually came to play the role of the clown and joker in most of his relationships.He graduated from high school with a completely undistinguished academic record, and he stood a full eight inches shorter than he wished to be. He was 5' 4" and he would have given his firstborn child if he could only have been six feet tall. His social circle was restricted to the same friends he had had; he made few if any new friends. His work habits, emotional maturity, and self-esteem were on a par with his physical stature: noticeably below average. His ambitions were limited or absent. But far more disturbing to his parents was his reluctance even to try much of anything other than entertain everybody, which he seemed to do rather well. It didn't look to most observers as if James had much hope for a happy and productive life.CommentaryThe account of James's growing up years is not a hard luck story. He had many advantages that most youth don't. He was loved by his family, cared for and nurtured by his parents, endowed with good health, and had at least an average intelligence. He just happened to be short in a culture that values size and stature, particularly with young males. Consequently, he had to suffer somewhat—not because there was something wrong with him, but because what others thought of him became more important to him than what he thought of himself. The result was low self-esteem, which originates in our cultural conditioning and is common to many youths and adults. In James's case, low self-esteem impaired his ability to recognize and cultivate his own talents and capacities because he was usually investing his time and energy in gaining the approval of others. What was noticeably absent in James's life was self-approval and self-direction, a process that requires higher levels of psychological risk-taking, personal responsibility, and an unfailing sensitivity to the internal self in both psychological and spiritual spheres.AdulthoodTwenty years after graduating from high school, James is a very successful attorney with a large firm. He graduated second in his law school class and accumulated a number of academic honors and awards along the way. He is an avid sports participant and an accomplished athlete in tennis, golf, basketball, and softball. He has a wide circle of rather intimate friends with whom he shares genuine affection and comfort. He has a wife and four children whom he deeply loves. At work he is competent, respected, and productive. A year ahead of schedule he was made a full partner in the law firm where he works—a clear and unmistakable indication of his professional competence. Almost everyone enjoys his company. He has held positions of responsibility in his church. Accepting those positions is a natural expression of his commitment to Christ, which he acquired on his mission. Even though his level of self-esteem is now unusually high, few would have any way of knowing that without talking with him about personal matters he considers private.CommentaryFew would have guessed that James had the capacity or disposition necessary for the level of success he enjoys in his life. So now we must ask: "How is it that he changed? And why do some people manage to change successfully while others don't?" And much more specifically, "How did James change, and can anyone change the same way if they really want to?"Those are important questions! Most people seem to understand intuitively that changing well-established habits is difficult. Some probably consider it impossible. But change does take place regularly. We see it all the time. It comes in different shapes and sizes, but it is still change. We see it during career changes at midlife, in the adjustment process of newlyweds, in the recovering alcoholic, in the recently widowed, in new parents, and in the repentant sinner. In fact, we live in a world of continual change.So, let's take a careful look at the important principles and critical events that helped James change so much. To do that, we asked James to explain in writing how and in what ways he changed. Before presenting his response, however, we will briefly review the essential principles of perfecting the internal self. They include the self-esteem of the secular person and the spirituality of the eternal person. It is important to remember that even though self-esteem and spirituality represent different domains of mortal experience, their development seems to be regulated by underlying processes that are remarkably similar.The Development of Self-EsteemThe development of high and low levels of self-esteem is primarily the result of each person's inclination either to cope with or to avoid what they fear. Coping is an inherently self-affirming and self-fulfilling human experience in spite of its difficulty because of the high quality and uniquely human responses it requires. Those responses include the following:Acknowledging imperfections in the selfHaving insight into one's motivesBeing honest with self and othersLooking inward to the self and solving problemsTaking psychological risksAccepting personal responsibilityThe very act of psychological avoidance is a self-defeating behavior that precludes high levels of self-esteem because of the inadequacies inherent in avoidance. Those responses include the following:DenialDistortionRationalizationFearThe Development of SpiritualitySpirituality, like self-esteem, is an internal quality and tends to develop in those who are humble rather than proud. Spirituality is a powerful self-affirming and self-fulfilling human experience in spite of its difficulty because of the high quality and uniquely spiritual capacities it arouses in us. Humility, and the spirituality humility helps engender, seems to be a product of:TeachablenessGratitudeCharityPersonal pride precludes the possibility of a rich and active spiritual life because its underlying components are so alien to things of the Spirit. Those components include the following:Self-aggrandizementSelf-centerednessSelf-consciousnessIn brief, both spirituality and self-esteem are powerful, self-affirming experiences that partially fulfill our unique psychological and spiritual endowments. More importantly, developing spirituality and self-esteem requires us to face and overcome our natural limitations in the respective spheres of influence. In so doing, we engage in the precise process that leads to strengthening and, ultimately, perfecting the internal self. In our view, the internal self, both spiritual and psychological, is where personal government and self-direction must reside during our mortal existence. The internal self is the only part of us that can truly discern truth on a spiritual plane and self-approving behavior patterns on a secular one.Avoidance and pride simply play no useful role in developing our spiritual or psychological selves. Generally speaking, avoidance and pride represent the lowest levels of human functioning and can properly be considered self-defeating behaviors.We now invite you to read James's own account of his life experiences. Please notice that the changes were more gradual than sudden and proceeded from internal to external changes that included both spirituality and self-esteem. Remarkably, the internal changes in spirituality and in self-esteem seem to nurture and complement each other. The following is how and why James changed, in virtually his own words.James Tells His Own StoryYouth: The Power of External Influences"As I look back on my life, particularly my youth, it is clear that my feelings of self-worth hinged almost entirely on how others treated me. What's more, the feedback I received from others always seemed to affect me far beyond the context in which it was delivered. If a coach complimented me, that didn't just mean I was a good player; it meant that I was 'a heckuva person overall.' The same was true about comments about being small. They always seemed to apply with equal force to areas of my life that were well beyond the scope of their intent. But, most importantly, my feelings about myself were derived almost exclusively from others."Not surprisingly, the way others treated me outside my home, no matter how shallow the relationship, was accepted with credibility that was at least equal to the solid reassurance I received from my rather wise and discerning parents. That strikes me as an important point because for most little Latter-day Saint boys, their home may be their castle, but social peers are still likely to be their government. A few examples may illustrate this important point:"In the fourth grade at recess, my class of twenty or so kids played kickball. The teams were made up by the two best players in the class, Jeff and Tony. They picked one additional person and then took on the rest of the class. Frequently, I was selected to join the dynamic duo and take on the class with them. Notwithstanding my small size, I could kick well and eventually became a regular with Jeff and Tony. To me, that didn't just mean I was a good kickball player. Jeff and Tony were popular because they played kickball well. Now I was popular because they wanted me to play kickball with them. I took that feedback and wore it like a medal of honor all year long. I wore it and thought about it in everything I did—whether it was following Mom around the grocery store or fishing with Dad. The fact of the matter was that everyone in the class thought that Jeff, Tony, and I were the best kickball players in the class—and that fact was crucial in my own feelings about the kind of person I was."In ninth grade I tried out for the basketball team. I was still little, but Dad had put up a basket in our backyard, and I spent a lot of time shooting baskets. Before tryouts, all the guys who wanted to make the team played in the gym after school. If anybody gave me enough room to shoot inside fifteen feet, I was money in the bank. In those little pretryout practice games, guys didn't guard me closely because I was small. I would score five to ten consecutive baskets, and then the other team would assign one of their best players to guard me. He would block the first shot I tried, and within moments my offensive prowess was neutered. But the fact of the matter was, I commanded attention from one of the best players because I was a scoring threat. So, on and off the court I was important. When tryouts came, not too much mattered other than shooting. We had to have our vertical jump measured. I struggled to reach the lowest mark on the tape so that mine could even be recorded. In the shooting drills I was awesome, so I made the first and second cuts. The eighth graders who were trying out, including my big, strong, athletic, younger brother Frankie, were excited for me. I was the underdog, the scrappy little kid with more guts than gumption. But during the skirmishes to determine the final cut, guys guarded me like glue. I was impressively unnoteworthy on the court, and I got cut.This time, the feedback hurt. It said, You try hard, but you're too small. Because the coach liked me, he asked me if I wanted to be the team's equipment manager. I was devastated. I would have sooner poured hot tar in my nostrils. Again, how others treated me determined my self-esteem, and how others saw me determined how I saw myself. So what I saw was a little kid who tried hard but wasn't good enough. And, at that point, not being good enough overwhelmed me."Again, the feedback applied well beyond its context. My experience with basketball reflected on me as a whole—who I was and the kind of person I was. My problems under a ten-foot basket were merely symptoms of a much grander problem—that was just one of many places where a mirror could reflect what I was worth. I'm not suggesting my response was justified, but that's the way it was."Having found praise too difficult to come by in athletics, I began to try other things as a means for gaining recognition. I became involved in speech and drama. I did very well. I won awards at speech contests and some very pretty girls on the speech team (Debbie, in particular) wanted to be my partner for duo acting. My self-esteem rose with enthusiasm over my newfound talent. What's more, while interacting with the pretty girls on the team, I discovered that I had what others considered to be a clever sense of humor, which made people like me more. I put great effort into cultivating my humor because of the wonderful facility it gave me in interacting with girls who generally only the quarterback on the football team interacted with. My confidence and my image of myself soared with the delightful feedback I was getting from the speech and drama coaches, Debbie, and some other students who generally recognized me as someone who was really good in something. But for me, being recognized as good in something meant much more. It meant I was good."Before the speech and drama spotlight faded, I found a sport where being small was almost helpful. I started playing racquetball when I was fourteen. I played and practiced a lot with someone a year older, Bill, who hit the ball a little harder and was a notch better than I was. After several months, I won a tournament in my age division. Shortly thereafter, the club pro offered to give me lessons free because he saw good potential in my game. For me, that was the grand buffet of self-esteem cuisine. Racquetball eventually became the focal point of my life through the years between sixteen and nineteen. I became very good, earning a sports company equipment sponsorship and a tournament travel account from the racquetball franchise I worked for as an assistant club pro teaching lessons and running racquetball leagues. Patrons at the club watched when Frankie and I played. Real racquetball enthusiasts called the club to see when we would be playing. I competed well in state and regional tournaments, and people seemed to give me endless attention for it. Looking back, I realize I had become a selfish, egocentric, self-indulgent teenager, but at the time I got approval from people I interacted with outside of home, and I trusted their feedback implicitly in evaluating myself."I was a real slacker my first year of college. Any time devoted to academics detracted from my newfound wellspring of self-esteem in racquetball. At the racquetball club, there were spotlights, approval, and praise. At school, there were dim libraries and anonymity. Ooohs and ahhs from a racquetball gallery were a strong preference to a B on a grade slip that only a few people saw or cared about. The attention, approval, and reassurance of self-worth I got from a racquetball gallery was too strong, immediate, and vocal to be sacrificed for decent grades."Religion's influence in my life through the beginning of college was virtually insignificant. The principles taught and exemplified by my parents are the ones that really affected me. Church, generally speaking, was too much form and not enough substance to affect me very much. I subscribed to the values and morals taught in church wholly in the abstract and, predominantly, in practice. That didn't mean that the Church was true; the principles I subscribed to were a major part of virtually every Christian religion. Behaviorally, I appeared active in the Church to the uninformed observer. Intellectually, I felt the Church was irrelevant. In my view, the Church appeared to be a repository of hypocrisy. One incident, though essentially innocent, may clarify why."Our priests quorum adviser taught a good lesson on keeping the Sabbath Day holy. I was impressed by the discussion of principle as a means of governing behavior. I was excited and encouraged at the principled nature of the lesson's content and impressed with the apparent conviction with which it was taught. After the lesson, the priests quorum adviser took one of the priests with him across the street to a convenience store to buy bread for the sacrament."I saw enough evidence similar to that to conclude that the things Mormons professed to believe on Sunday were without consequence during the week. Words came too easy. Too many members were not what they appeared to be. I saw virtue in the Church's teachings, but had no interest in participating in feigned adherence to its doctrines. Church seemed like a place where people learned to pretend they were different and unique when, in fact, they were indistinguishable from the community at large."And so my interest in the Church waned. That my parents faithfully attended church meetings was no longer a compelling enough reason for me to go. So I stayed away. In spite of attempts by quorum leaders and Sunday School teachers to reactivate me, I remained aloof and uncaring. My parents by no means remained neutral toward my decision. Their obvious preference was for me to attend church with them, but they chose not to press the issue in the usual way. I say 'usual way' because I was fortunate in having parents who understood that the promises of the gospel needed to be tested in their own lives as well as in the lives of their children. They considered that my testing time. But in order for me to test the validity of the gospel, I had to make some sort of an effort. My parents wouldn't just let me stay home from church without developing my spiritual self in some fashion. That is where 'unusual' really came into play."My father told me he was willing to accept my right to refuse participation in a church that I considered hypocritical and superficial provided I would not write the gospel off in the same manner. The gospel I would have to search out, ponder in my heart, and then pray about to validate or invalidate its veracity. And Dad would help. Because I refused to go to church, for the next year and a half Dad fixed me breakfast every Sunday morning. While we ate, we talked about spiritual matters, discussed the passages of scripture he had assigned me to read the week before, and I asked questions. Lots and lots of questions. There were times we argued. There were times we cried. And in spite of my young age, there were nights I lay on my bed and anguished."It would have been so much easier just to comply, to accept and be accepted. But I just couldn't figure out how sacrificing my integrity could make me a Christian."So we ate breakfast, talked, and studied. And in the face of my dad's most convincing arguments and my most intense prayers, I still felt nothing. I later discovered, when my spiritual awakening did come, that those Sunday morning talks provided a foundation of inquiry and learning that would serve me throughout my life."CommentaryUp to this point, James's life was dominated by undesirable and unwelcomed external influences. Being short is no crime, but James was held hostage by it nevertheless. People who made fun of him probably didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but they did nevertheless. Most of them were probably struggling with their own need for recognition and acceptance, and making jokes about others is often part of that process. James didn't want to be self-conscious and need recognition, but he was and he did!The result was a tragic loss of self-direction. The praise of others shaped important choices that really should come from the internal/eternal identity. Innocent and occasionally thoughtless comments by others can be devastating. Euphoria or despair hang on these comments, even though the comments may be thoughtless and meaningless. And only individuals with the emotional and spiritual strength to see the emptiness of such idle remarks can dismiss them with the healthy indifference they deserve.From External to Internal Self-Direction"My own spirituality was unexpectedly and rather abruptly awakened when I received my patriarchal blessing three months before my nineteenth birthday. Frankly, however, the blessing would have never taken place if it had been left entirely up to me. After a year and a half of meetings, discussions, prayers, and reading with no spiritual gains, I had about given up. I certainly had no interest in participating in a spiritual ordinance about which I had critical feelings. But both of my parents had been moved or impressed that I should receive my patriarchal blessing."So we talked some more, and those conversations were different—particularly with my dad. I explained my reservations and he understood them. But they didn't seem to matter. I said I wasn't worthy of a blessing, and he simply said, 'Get ready.' I said I really didn't want to, and he said that I really didn't want to disregard his parental advice on this particular topic at this particular time. Whenever my father spoke this way, I knew two things. First, he and Mom had talked—carefully! Second, when he did speak to me that way he always had good reason, and that usually meant he knew something I didn't know. So I agreed to prepare myself for the blessing as best I could, not because I wanted a blessing, but because my parents' views were not to be taken lightly at times like that."Religion, which had always existed only on an exterior shelf, was suddenly discovered in the core of my self. As the patriarch spoke to me, my heart was penetrated for the first time with power and spiritual warmth. What I experienced was both an internal awakening and an intellectual realization. When the blessing was over, I knew with all my heart and spirit something that I could not know with my mind. I knew that Christ lived. I knew that He had atoned for my sins. And I knew that I was expected to live up to my newfound knowledge. The principles of the gospel had come off the Sunday School chalkboard where they could be erased at the end of each lesson and had been indelibly etched in my heart where no eraser could reach. I knew it, and I knew I was accountable for what I did with it. I had experienced myself."At first, I was miserable. Not because I had lived a life of sin for which I needed to repent, although there was repenting to do, but because I felt an enormous weight of knowledge that I didn't care to have at the time. I now knew that I must change the way I lived, acted, talked, thought, and I frankly didn't want to. But I knew that I could not escape the feelings I had had during my patriarchal blessing. I knew everything was on the line."After my blessing, a value orientation emerged, which I would measure myself against. Regardless of what feedback I got from others, I now had personal expectations to meet a standard of behavior and thought that only I would know if I was true to it or not. All the praise from every racquetball fan in the world could no longer replace the self-esteem I would lose if I ignored the direction I had received. The praise could be enjoyed, but it was no longer the source of self-esteem. I now measured myself by my own conformity to what I knew I needed to do. I needed to confront my sins. I needed to repent of my sins. And I needed to pay attention to the teachings of Christ and try to live by them. Because I knew I needed to do that, no amount of positive feedback from any external source could substitute for my failure to take those steps. To the extent that popular behavior required deviation from the standard of goodness and righteousness now within my heart, I suffered. While I could enjoy the praise, the lack of conformity to my heart's directives was becoming intolerable."Initially, my conversion did not require observable changes in behavior. What did change was the motivation for virtually all of my behavior. Whereas the object of my behavior had been to earn the praise of peers, the object now became to be true to the values and principles that now regulated my behavior. My approval required nothing less, and there were no substitutes for my approval and its influence on me and my behavior."My mission served to intensify the clarity of the principles and values I knew I was required to live by. It also lowered my tolerance for lack of conformity to my own standards. Before my mission, I expected to make a good faith effort, an honest attempt to do what was right, but I was more forgiving of my momentary lapses in orientation and behavior. Before my mission, the focus of my efforts was simply to ensure that I did not deny the knowledge I had acquired by grossly deviating from it behaviorally. With the start of my mission, and the added clarity of principles that that generated, my concern changed from avoiding denials and gross deviations to actively becoming the kind of person that adhering to gospel principles would make me. The sole measure of my self-esteem was becoming the degree to which I approved of myself. The degree to which I approved of myself hinged on the degree to which I conformed to the knowledge and principles God had shown me. My self-esteem had become completely internalized, and no one besides me had access to the internal controls. Only I knew how well I conformed, and when I conformed well, my self-esteem was high. When I conformed poorly, my self-esteem was low. But I had a measuring stick! An example will illustrate."In the mission field, I worked very hard. I put my heart into my mission like nothing I had ever done. Because of that, I knew the Lord was pleased with my efforts. I knew that to a large extent my behavior was congruent with my spiritual knowledge. Only a few months before my mission was to end, I was invited to a meeting with the mission president and a visiting Church leader. They talked at length about the status of the mission. They discussed the problems and challenges as well as the reasons for the mission's relatively low number of convert baptisms. They considered many possibilities, among which was the possible lack of the faithfulness and zeal of the missionaries themselves. Were they obedient and faithful enough? Were they committed to the work and showing it?"These were compelling questions that I couldn't help but consider silently as they spoke. Our mission was one of the most difficult in the world in terms of convert baptisms. But was that sufficient reason not to have more? Could we have more baptisms if we were more faithful and worked harder? I searched my heart for answers. I ran a mental checklist of the hours I labored and of the effort I was applying in my missionary service. I believed within the deepest part of my soul that my offering to the Lord was acceptable. And as I came to my own conclusion about the question at hand, so did they."Our answers were not the same!"If my self-esteem and my spirituality had still been externally regulated, I would have been totally devastated. I had no way of knowing how their conclusion might apply to the mission as a whole, but I knew I was not personally concerned. I knew I loved the Lord, I knew I had prayed for the salvation of the people I labored for, and I knew I had done all in my power to have that prayer answered."After my mission, the source of my self-esteem met a new, additional, nonspiritual test. I had to make up for an impressively average academic performance before my mission in order to achieve my academic goals. In that setting, my self-esteem would be governed by conformity to what I knew I expected of myself and knowing in my heart that my expectations had the Lord's approval. I expected of myself to give the very best effort I had, and whatever results obtained from those efforts had to be accepted, whether they were sufficient to attain my academic goals or not."I wanted to go to law school, which meant I needed two years of stellar performance. In the first battery of tests I took after my first semester back, I got mostly C's. I was surprised because I had studied so hard. Nevertheless, my self-esteem was safe because I knew I had put forth my best effort. What more could I have done? From that point on, I knew that the only threat to my self-esteem would be to let up and stop trying. Grades couldn't destroy my self-esteem, but I could destroy my self-esteem by failing to live up to my own expectations about my effort. The grades eventually came around, much better than I could ever have imagined, but my self-esteem thrived, not because of the grades, but because of the way I lived and organized my life."Early in my study I remembered reading the scripture, 'Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you' (3 Nephi 13:33). One of my expectations, and thus one determinant of my self-esteem, was my conformity to this principle. Had I studied on Sunday, had I compromised my academic integrity by any dishonesty, my self-esteem would have plummeted without regard to academic results. What mattered most was putting the Lord first. What mattered next was trying hard, and that's all that mattered."Now, with my wife and family, the same principles apply with great force. My self-esteem continues to hinge on my conforming to the knowledge I have of gospel principles. Lethargy in following those principles comes not only at the expense of my self-esteem but at the expense of the critical relationships that are the core of my life's happiness. I love my wife most when I love the Lord first. When I fail to love the Lord first and keep His commandments, everything else that matters begins to degenerate. Self-esteem is generated and maintained by conformity to the gospel without regard to the appreciation or recognition received for that conformity—which society does not appreciate anyway."CommentaryWe can see the power of Christ in awakening the internal/eternal self to the possibilities of righteous self-government. And when that happens, a process of self-development begins that can gradually but continually enhance our understanding of spiritual influences and our receptivity to them. That development occurs as follows:1. We have the capacity to recognize and respond to spiritual influences.2. Spiritual influences change the heart, and a changed heart affects internal attitudes and outward behavior. That internal spiritual substance gives outward religious behavior its transcendent spiritual meaning.3. Internal spiritual substance allows us to be internally controlled and appropriately self-directing in the righteous government of our own lives.4. As we learn to govern our lives in a way that is congruent with the truths the internal/eternal self has already received, we become a better receptor for additional spiritual truth and influence.5. The pattern of spiritual development is cyclical, and when it is sustained, it leads our hearts, minds, and behavior in the direction of enduring and authentic spirituality.The process is a cycle of knowing truth, acknowledging it, having a change of heart, and then acting upon it. In so doing, we can become like the people of King Benjamin, who were "willing to enter into a covenant with our God to do his will, and to be obedient to his commandments in all things that he shall command us, all the remainder of our days. . . . And now, because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name. . . . There is no other name given whereby salvation cometh; therefore, I would that ye should take upon you the name of Christ, all you that have entered into the covenant with God that ye shall be obedient unto the end of your lives" (Mosiah 5:6-8).