Wyoming Liquor Division: Fill & Download for Free

Well, it doesn’t matter what we feel, if a crime has occurred we still have to treat it as any other crime regardless of the victim or circumstances.A little background: many years before I became a cop I taught mixed martial arts and developed a lot of close friends during those years. One friend, Tyler was a cousin of my best friend and over the course of time he became a very good friend of mine and the family. He was not without his demons however. He partook of various narcotics and alcohol and was associated with a few bad elements.The last time I saw him was at my best friends wedding. He was completely trashed before the ceremony even began. That was my last memory of him. I had already been in law enforcement for A few years at that point and he had been slowly distancing himself because of that. But at the wedding, as a result of liquor opening his vocabulary up we were able to catch up sort of. As much as a sober person can with a slam drunk.Two weeks later my best friend called me. Tyler was found dead in his apartment. The city he lived in had a very proactive police dept and they had come into contact with him on numerous occasions and he had a record. When he was found he was naked, scratched all to hell, and his microwave was smashed over his head. His wallet was missing and two vehicles were seen leaving his residence the night before. The entire house was in disarray. His family was completely destroyed by this news. They told me the agency in his home city codes this entire scene as either an overdose or possible self inflicted injury resulting in death. The agency there knew and considered him just a useless junkie. Case closed right? Even if it was a break in or other crime there clearly wasn’t a living victim to file a report.I called the agency along professional courtesy lines and because I knew and had trained with and trained some of their officers and asked for details. They were not helpful at all. The only thing they wanted to tell me was how much of a problem he was and how the case was cleared by their detectives division. Until I told them he was a friend. Then they flat out just told me they wouldn’t talk to me anymore about it.So my best friends brother tried to help. He got Tyler’s bank records and found his debit card was used in Arizona. Then I was able to find out Tyler’s wallet and drivers license was found in a gas station in Wyoming. Clearly something happened. He didn’t travel after he died. My best friends brother, unhindered by the same rules and standards I was bound by as a law enforcement officer, began associating with some of Tyler’s less than savory friends. Eventually he hooked up with a girl who was there the burg Tyler died. That’s when we found out Tyler’s prescriptions were all missing and what really happened.Tyler was getting high with a group and took it a little too far. He overdosed but could have been saved. But the idiots were too afraid to call 911 and spent the next 15 minutes post overdose cleaning up all the drugs and paraphernalia. They then raided all his prescriptions and left. They got a few minutes down the road became hugely paranoid and thought they left evidence of the theft and returned. They then stripped Tyler where he lay, dropped the microwave on his head, broke the back door and tore up the house.Of course I noted all this and told the agency in his town what my friend had said. I knew full well that there would need to be evidence and proof to prosecute this case or even get it reopened. Sadly they were never willing to look past his history with them. They refused to listen or to even entertain this new information.So this had a very profound effect on me as a young officer. Years later when I attended a very intense investigations school one of their lessons also struck me intensely. As a good investigator we seek the truth, not a conviction. We should strive to find only the truth regardless of whether it supports charges or guilt or innocence.

First of all, apart from Texas (which was, of course, Confederate), there were, at the time the war broke out, exactly three states west of the Missouri River: California, Oregon, and Kansas. (Nevada was rushed into statehood early, in 1864, to safeguard the wealth of the Comstock, but in 1861 it was still part of Utah.) Everything else was Territories--primarily Nebraska (which then included everything from the Kansas line north to Canada and west to the Rockies, including Colorado), New Mexico, Utah, and Washington. (Colorado, Nevada, and Dakota--which included both North and South--were created later that year, Arizona and Idaho in '63, Montana in '64, and Wyoming not till '68.) Territories were not required to raise regiments for the Front; most did recruit militias, but these generally stayed home or near by,. primarily to stand in for the Regulars after they were ordered East, and fight Indians. Thus if you were living in, say, Wyoming or Colorado (and people were), and you felt obliged to take part personally, you had to go East and enlist from a state that shared your views.Second, as Joe Roberts has observed, the West was thinly populated, and the population that existed was very busy building up the country. (Yet there were many more inhabitants than you might think. In future Nevada alone, by the time of the Comstock strike, several thousand farmers, ranchers, and trading-station personnel had located along the emigrant trails--and that doesn't count the mob scene at Virginia City and the neighboring camps--while the country reaching a hundred miles or so out from the Missouri River was thickly settled.) Towns were few except within 100 miles or so of the Missouri and around Denver and Salt Lake and Virginia City; but every military post quickly attracted a civilian population, ranging from licensed sutlers and operators of trading posts to contractors selling wood, hay, grain, cattle, and vegetables to... ahem... providers of more intimate services. Most Westerners probably felt that it was much more important to stay home and run their ranches, or businesses, or mines, or ferries, or farms, or whatever it might be.This doesn't mean there wasn't partisanship. In Virginia City, Nevada, it got pretty warm. There were Secessionists and Unionists, both vocal, both stockpiling weapons. One of the most prominent citizens of the place--Tom Peasley, who owned the sumptuous Sazerac Saloon, was chief engineer of one of the volunteer fire companies (which comprised the social elite of the town), and a genuine gunfighter who insisted on nothing but the classic walkdown--was a firm supporter of the Northern cause, and took a major part in the confrontation over which flag was going to fly over the center of the town. Yet VC increased from a population of 4000 in 1862 to 15,000+ in 1863!People continued to trek westward throughout the war years, both in organized companies (such as emigrant trains) and as individuals or small groups. Pemberton's army, captured and paroled when Vicksburg fell, almost all migrated to Montana to try their luck in the gold fields which had recently been discovered there. Union deserters and draft-dodgers also made their way west, on the sensible theory that the Provost-Marshal's office wasn't going to chase them that far. The Homestead Act, which went into effect as of January 1, 1863, was first taken advantage of in Nebraska, which was then still a Territory.There was also a great deal of Indian trouble. At first, nobody thought the war was going to last as long as it did, and the troops weren't completely withdrawn from the Western posts until '62; but once they went, the tribesmen, not unreasonably, took advantage of the situation, even unto attacking and destroying the town of Julesburg, Colorado, and placing Denver effectively under siege (supplies couldn't get through). Unfortunately, one Colonel John Chivington, commanding the Colorado militia, struck at the wrong Indians in his effort to stop the attacks: the village he hit, at Sand Creek, was composed of peaceful Cheyennes and Arapahos led by Black Kettle and the Arapahoes' "big chief," Left Hand, who had insisted for years that he wasn't fighting the white man and never intended to. This attack, which killed many women and children and was accompanied by a good deal of barbarism on the part of the militia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sand_Creek_massacre), only served to stir the Southern Plains tribes up to greater efforts. The Apaches in Arizona, too, were especially busy during these years. Cochise, the great Chiricahua chief, had declared bitter war on the Americans after a botched parley in 1860, and was able to weld all the divisions of the Apache people into a single concerted anti-white effort which practically isolated the town of Tucson for a decade. (Elliott Arnold's excellent historical novel, "Broken Arrow," tells the story of this period.) And it was during the war that Kit Carson, the well-known mountain man, who had settled in Santa Fe after the beaver boom bottomed out, was commissioned to lead a military expedition to end raids by the Navajo. (He succeeded; see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_Walk_of_the_Navajo.)Mining continued unabated, particularly in the Comstock, where people were actually much more interested in what was being found under their feet than what Grant and Lee were up to 3000 miles away. Moreover, disappointed treasure-seekers continued to fan out from the older strikes and find new ones, including those of Idaho and Montana. The telegraph linkage between the Missouri and the West Coast was completed in 1861, and preliminary work for the transcontinental railroad (surveying, grading) went forward, but the chief means of getting across the "Great American Desert" remained wagon-trains and the stagecoach. Because of the Indian activity, particularly the troublous Sioux, the wagons and stages shifted their route south, and instead of going up the North Platte and across South Pass, they began following the Cherokee Trail, which had been in use on a limited basis for some 20 years (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cherokee_Trail).Though the Plains were still chiefly a highway, they had been so for 18 years--ever since the beginning of the great overland emigration to Oregon in 1843--and by 1850 not only were there settlers in sufficient number as to warrant a demand for hired help, but people were actually beginning to head west with the view in mind of stopping short of the Coast. Not until the Kansas and Nebraska territories were organized in '54 had it been possible for them to get legal title, but under the Distribution-Preemption Act of 1841 "squatters' rights" had been officially recognized: its provisions allowed a man to file a claim upon any 160 acres of land not yet opened for sale by the Federal Government and still have the first chance at the tract he claimed when surveys were made. Thereafter, if he had lived on it for six months, he could purchase the land directly from the Government at $1.25 an acre, one-quarter of the total payment being due during the first year of residence, the rest to be paid any time before it was surveyed or offered at public auction by presidential proclamation; a down payment of 10% would hold the title. To many people, particularly those without large amounts of money to spare, this was still out of reach, which was why the Republican Party supported the concept of a law that would make homestead tracts free for the claiming. But, in the meantime, the law had come along just in time to make the plains attractive. Military land-bounty warrants were also used to acquire land, in part because there was no residence requirement attached to them; these had been distributed to veterans of every war since the old French ones of a hundred years ago and more, and although they hadn't become legally "assignable" till a Congressional act of '52, enterprising speculators (including several of the Founding Fathers) and big land companies had been buying them up in wholesale lots since the 1770's, usually at about fifty cents to the acre, acquiring huge areas of the public domain. This scrip had been awarded on a graded basis, with higher ranks getting more of it: in the Revolutionary era the bounties typically ran from 200 to 1000 acres for privates, five to ten thousand for officers; under one system by which North Carolina veterans were to be compensated, a private was awarded 640 acres, a brigadier general 12,000. For most trading it was valued at the same price as the land, $1.25, but the price varied from eighty cents to $1.50, and it was sometimes even taken for gambling debts at a heavy discount. Other such scrip had been distributed to Indian tribes like the Sioux and Chippewa or to some halfbreeds, obtained by the states as a result of Federal swampland acts, granted to them to support common schools, or given to wagon-road and canal companies, all of which promptly turned around and sold it for operating capital. Frequently it changed hands two or three times before the land was actually claimed, but even so it was likely to be cheaper than the going government price. One way and another, the settlers acquired holdings that ranged from a mere quarter-section to 1800 acres (and used the contiguous range as their own). They also worked out private treaty-lease agreements with whatever tribe of Indians lived in their area (several early cattlemen had done this in the region of future Dodge City by this point); totally illegal, but even when the Army was present it had enough to do chasing hostiles, so it left them alone.Many early settlers of Kansas and Nebraska were disappointed California gold seekers or Pike's Peak '59ers who turned back and established ranches; others, themselves bound for the treasure strikes, were met by such seekers and persuaded to stop and squat in a favorable location. Some, compelled to tarry by the long sickness of a member of the family, learned the value of the country and decided to stay; or, having buried a child on the "lone prairie," couldn't bring themselves to leave the little one there alone, and decided to remain and make their home nearby. Some of these settlers confined themselves to small-scale farming, but many set up trading posts, which came to be called "road ranches," and of these in turn a goodly number sold hay, grub, and liquor to freighters and immigrants (for whose convenience they usually abutted on creekside campsites) or went into the very profitable business of exchanging sound for worn-out cattle, mules, and horses, on the basis of one road-ready beast for two footsore ones; they also picked up stock wandering loose on the range after stampedes, or bought it from the Indians. Such traders sometimes accumulated large herds of a mixture of cattle--mostly shorthorns from Iowa, Missouri, Wisconsin, and Illinois, but a considerable number of Texas longhorns trailed north to Independence and Westport, often as work oxen; those of the latter that were fertile willingly crossed with the larger, beefier Eastern animals, and their hardiness and self-sufficiency produced a get of tough, sturdy, good-sized cattle ideally suited to free-ranging life, as settlers in Oregon had likewise discovered. This traffic had been given impetus around 1852, when one Seth E. Ward, a Fort Laramie freighter, being prevented by unusually early fall storms from driving his oxen back to the Missouri River for wintering, was forced to turn them out in the Laramie Valley, hoping at least some would survive. Much to his amazement, when he went searching for them in the spring, he found that all were not only still alive, but in better shape than they'd been the winter before. Once word of this fact reached the East, the practice became widespread among all freighting concerns, owing in part to its economy: Russell, Majors & Waddell, who dominated the carriage of supplies to military posts, alone wintered 15,000 head over the winter of '57-8. After stagecoaches began to ply the plains, the early settlers were very naturally approached by the line owners to furnish relay stations, since that spared the companies the expense of building such facilities a-purpose.The boom in settlement had been ended abruptly by the Panic of 1857, though the discovery of gold around Denver the following year kept a steady trickle of newcomers arriving. Many of the settlers were Mormons, who cannily realized that emigrants would be in the market for food and supplies as they got further west. By the '50's these people, who knew and used irrigation and efficient crop rotation, had some of the most prosperous establishments along the overland route, raising hogs, cattle, chickens, corn, wheat, and all kinds of garden truck, selling grass hay to passersby or allowing them to graze their lush fenced meadows for a fee. Others were mountain men caught by the collapse of the beaver boom; often they had done interim work guiding emigrant trains west, and observing the greenhorns' cattle becoming lame and footsore, they set out to provide replacements; frequently these had Indian wives. Most of the ranches were in pleasant spots along streams, where the softer, less equipped emigrants began to drop off too, with an animal dead, overdriven, sweenied, lamed, stolen, or too heavy with young to go on, a woman sickened in body or heart, a man very ill or crippled--or sometimes dead: though the widow was expected to soldier on and make a new home for her children, and the laws of Oregon and California provided that she could claim land in her own name once she got there, some felt that the conquest of the mountains and desert was more than they were up to facing alone. And there were also, increasingly, those who set out, from the beginning, with no real intention of going all the way, seeking only the first likely quarter-section of public domain; sometimes several of these came together. They kept close to the trails for "protection," even if it was just an occasional detachment of troops passing by, and found ready markets in gold camps and frontier forts, both of which required a steady supply of foodstuffs. With the capture and breaking of wild horses, the shipment of barrels of frozen ducks and grouse and of roasted, salted, or pickled passenger pigeons to jobbers in Omaha, Kansas City, and Chicago, and the sale of small furs, buffalo robes, and dressed deerskins, apart from the food a family could raise for itself or obtain from the land, it was possible to make a very decent living.Under the Pre-Emption Act, the claimant had to swear that he had never obtained a pre-emption grant previously, that he didn't own over 320 acres in any other state or Territory, that his intention was not to sell the land, and that he had no commitment to transfer it to anyone else. But there was no practicable means of checking up on any of this, so abuses were common, and the vast distances which separated many claims from any government land office (even in the East) made it highly inconvenient for officials to verify that a dwelling had been constructed and the claimant was actually living on the land. Over the last couple of decades, enterprising speculators had originated a number of tricks, hiring dozens of rascals to pre-empt the land and later deed it back to them, using portable houses on wheels and even miniature foot-square houses that allowed the claimant to swear to the existence of a "twelve by twelve" dwelling. (Many of these dodges continued to be used in later years, by cattlemen and others, which argues that they worked.) In fact there was no real legal limit to the amount of land that could be acquired. Meanwhile, settlement was spreading out from the overland routes, with cattle going from Fort Hall into what was to become western Montana since the mid-'50's.The Confederacy understood that capturing the gold fields of Colorado (and later of Idaho and Montana), the Comstock, and California would lead to its victory, but its attempts in this direction were chiefly by way of irregular and guerrilla troops. Major exception: the New Mexico campaign (see http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/08/23/go-west-young-confederacy/?_r=0 and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Mexico_Campaign).

Fortunately, what follows here is good news: a roundup of weird, bizarre, quirky, or otherwise nonsensical laws that a) really do exist according to state legislatures, local newspapers, or legal databases like Justia; and b) are not awful. Let us begin.AlabamaYou may not impersonate a member of the clergy. Such a misdemeanor could result in actual jail time, and/or a fine of up to $500.AlaskaThe internet is very excited about all Alaska’s weird moose laws, like the supposed illegality of giving a moose a beer or the aforementioned law against shoving one out of an airplane. Unfortunately, those are all old and/or fake, but here’s one that’s still moose-adjacent: If you kill a moose (or any big game animal) no matter the circumstances, you gotta at least try to salvage the meat so people can eat it. Hope you know how to do that.ArizonaWant to feed garbage to a pig? You’ll need a permit. You can, thankfully, feed your own household garbage to your own pigs without the permit.ArkansasBecause one of the popular weird laws for a lot of states goes something along the lines of “no honking at sandwich shops at these oddly specific hours on a Sunday,” it is with great joy that I bring you Section 18-55 of Little Rock’s Code of Ordinances -- current as of March 2017 -- which states that “No person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9pm.” (Also, no, it’s not illegal to mispronounce the state’s name. Just discouraged.)CaliforniaLook, you can have as many frogs for as many frog-jumping contests as you want. But if any of them die, you may not eat them. Go to Alaska if you want to do that shit.ColoradoIn Boulder, you are not permitted to roll (or “throw, or otherwise move”) any boulders on any public property. Let the Boulder boulders be.ConnecticutNo silly string in Southington unless it’s in the privacy of your home. It was apparently quite some journey to get this on the books back in the day, so respect the law even if you probably wouldn’t be, like, prosecuted for violating it.DelawareIn Fenwick Island (a town, not technically an island) you can’t tailgate or otherwise picnic around your car between midnight and 6am.FloridaDid you ever think those “Beware of Dog”-type signs had any actual legal function aside from keeping you from scavenging in scrapyards? No, you did not. Turns out, dog owners here are liable if the dog bites you -- unless they have a sign displayed on the premises that says “Bad Dog.” Then you’re on your own.GeorgiaStaying on a boat during your time in Georgia? Not for more than 30 days you’re not. You can file for an extension, but it might be simpler to just make other arrangements, such as moving on to another state.HawaiiA popular weird law for Hawaii was that you could only have one drink in front of you at a time. That one’s actually been repealed, but the law prohibiting you from drinking on the beach still stands. And no, you’re not the first person to think you can get around this by scooting forward a few feet so as to be technically drinking in the ocean.IdahoOK, contrary to popular belief, it is not illegal to throw snowballs in Rexburg. It is, however, illegal to throw snowballs in such a manner as to really fuck up the person or property at which you are aiming the snowballs.IllinoisPlan your naps carefully in Illinois, lest you fall asleep in a cheese shop and break the law whilst not even being awake to remember it.IndianaWays you are not permitted to catch fish in Indiana: With “a firearm.” With “the hands alone.” I do not make these rules, I just report them.IowaImitation butter cannot be called butter or described with the words “butter,” “creamery,” or “dairy,” nor can you market it with images of dairy cows. It must be marketed as “oleomargarine.” Iowa does not tolerate Fake Butter.KansasNo swimming or wading in public fountains in Wichita. Sorry, kids. Make those summer memories elsewhere -- someplace with fewer municipal restrictions.KentuckyIt's unlawful to sell those dyed baby chicks you see around Easter, unless of course you… sell them in groups of six or more.LouisianaYou can’t order goods or services for someone who doesn’t know to expect said goods or services -- like ordering someone a surprise pizza. This one had me a bit shook because I’ve done this before. This is a nice thing to do! Also, don’t steal any crayfish while you’re in Louisiana.MaineIn a number of Maine counties, you can’t skateboard on the sidewalks. In Biddeford, at least, the fine is only $10, so if skateboarding on sidewalks is what’s in your heart you’ll probably be able to afford it.MarylandWhile there’s no specific law against taking a lion to the movies in Maryland (this does not, presumably, mean that one is allowed to take lions to movies), there is one against using any profanity while driving. Or, more specifically, while “near any street, sidewalk or highway within the hearing of persons passing by, upon or along such street, sidewalk, or highway.” So no profanity while driving.MassachusettsYou can’t give alcohol to a hospital patient if they’ve been hospitalized for something alcohol-related -- unless it’s been prescribed by a doctor. Same thing goes for drugs.MichiganHope you’re not traveling through the state by train, because you’ll need to do that sober. If you want to be tipsy on a train, you’ll just have to wait till you’re back in some other state that cares less about these things.MinnesotaNo contests where the point is to chase and catch a pig -- "greased, oiled, or otherwise." You also may not throw turkeys or chickens in the air with the intent to catch them. No word on whether you’re allowed to chase or throw any of the above without the intent to catch them.MississippiIf you disturb a church service in Mississippi, you can get yourself citizen’s-arrested. It’s not just a thing from Master of None. Don’t let it happen to you.MissouriIn Jefferson County you can hold a garage sale only between the hours of 7am and 8pm. And it can’t last more than three days. And you can’t hold more than two per year. If you do happen to patronize a legally compliant garage sale and score a bow and some arrows, though, there’s a bit more latitude when it comes to the laws about target practice within city limits.MontanaIf you start performing onstage, you are committing to finishing that performance on stage -- you can’t abandon it mid-song. I came upon many strange and wondrous things while researching for this article, and the absolute strangest and most wondrous-est was the account of the 1987 court case that followed burlesque dancer Jimmy Lee Laedeke’s violation of this ordinance. Each minute you spend reading it counts as a minute of self-care.NebraskaI suppose it’s best for your health in the long run, but in Nebraska you cannot purchase a cocktail that mixes liquor and beer. Drink them separately like the rest of the nerds.NevadaIf you’ve ever been skiing or snowboarding, you know that it’s a weird tradition in lots of places to throw Mardi Gras-style beads or similar festive litter from the chairlift into nearby trees. Sit that out in Nevada; it’s illegal to throw anything from a chairlift here.New HampshireMultiple counties in New Hampshire have outlawed picnics in cemeteries. Seems you’re allowed to have take that midnight car picnic you couldn’t take in Delaware, though, so everything balances out in the end.New JerseyNew Jersey is now the last state where you’re not allowed to pump your own gas. Chris Christie once tried to blame this on women, but it’s divisive enough that you can probably find the scapegoat of your choice. Anyway, stay in your car when you’re filling up in Jersey. You don’t have to tip the person who comes out to pump your gas, but a buck or two is always nice.New MexicoIt is an actual petty misdemeanor to misuse the national or state anthems (“O Fair New Mexico” being the latter here). Not a ton of specifics on what “misuse” means though. Karaoke?New YorkNo tiger selfies. No selfies with any big cats, actually. It’s for your own protection but also the well-being of the animals, who are probably zonked on tranquilizers.North CarolinaIf you want to play more than 10 hours of bingo per week, you’ll need to find yourself a bingo exhibition. Otherwise, bingo-enthusiasts are in violation of the state’s gambling statutes.North DakotaIdeally you’re not the sort of person who deals with annoying pigeons by… killing those pigeons, but in case you are, know that you need to get a pigeon-killing permit first.OhioIn no way are we encouraging you to do crimes, but apparently those who commit some of the relatively less-serious crimes in Ohio can’t be arrested on a Sunday or on the July 4. Unless you’re… on a river… ?OklahomaYou. Yes, you. Paying attention? Good. No making glue out of dead skunks.OregonYou are not permitted to throw your poop out of a moving car in Oregon. Don’t even think about leaving a container of pee on the side of the highway, either, unless you also want to hand the state $250.PennsylvaniaOne of the popular-but-fake-sounding weird laws for Pennsylvania is that you can’t catch a fish with your mouth. Because I care, I went deep into the Gettysburg Times archives and found, from 2010, a reference to what is apparently still a very real law forbidding you from catching a fish in your mouth. Sometimes the internet is good.Rhode IslandYou know when you’re out driving a horse and just want to test how fast it can go? Do not brag about this capability in front of Rhode Islanders, who must spend the rest of their lives wondering. Horse-speed-testing is not permitted there.South CarolinaAre you 18 or older? Congratulations: You may legally play pinball in South Carolina. No pinball for South Carolina’s minors, who must find other outlets for their angst.South DakotaIn Huron, South Dakota, it is unlawful to cause static. At least, it’s illegal between 7am and 11pm. After 11pm, yeah, go nuts, I guess.TennesseeThis is devastating, but it’s important that we spread the word before anyone gets in trouble. In Tennessee, you may not use someone else’s Netflix account.TexasDo not pee on the Alamo. You are specifically not allowed to pee on the Alamo. Texas will make you regret peeing on the Alamo.UtahIn Utah, you can’t buy alcohol during an emergency. This is because no one can sell alcohol during an emergency.VermontPut up clotheslines wherever you want, I guess. In Vermont, they’re considered devices that run on solar power, and you can’t obstruct the installation of renewable energy tech.VirginiaThe people of Virginia really hate raccoons. While in the state, you’re prohibited from killing any “nuisance species” before 1pm or after sunset on Sundays -- except raccoons, which you may continue to kill up until 2am on Sunday mornings.WEST VIRGINIA HAS AN HONEST-TO-GOODNESS SWEAR JAR.WashingtonThis ordinance is from 1984, and I will level with you, I didn’t look too hard to see if it was still current because you should all respect it regardless. If you are the one to confirm the existence of Sasquatch and then decide to kill Sasquatch, you are guilty of a misdemeanor and face a fine, jail, or both. It used to be a felony, which seems fitting. “Sasquatch” here is legally interchangeable with the terms “Yeti,” “Bigfoot,” and “Giant Hairy Ape,” but it seems clear that if you kill Sasquatch -- by any name -- it is you who are the true monster.West VirginiaThe state has an honest-to-goodness swear jar. If you profanely curse, swear, or get intoxicated in public (that last one feels like it should have come with a few more details), you can be fined exactly $1.WisconsinIn Wisconsin, you can face up to six months in jail for… selling home-baked cookies.WyomingNot that you’re the sort of sociopath who’d ever do this, but in Wyoming you can apparently be fined $750 for failing to close a fence behind you.