Parent & Player Handbook - University Of Denver: Fill & Download for Free

My parents give me an allowance of $103,998,194,284,292 a week. How should I tell them that they are basically depriving me of human rights?What is 2+2?My child took my sewing scissors and cut a tortilla with them. I threw him against the wall, took his soul and regurgitated it, and starved him for a month. How can I punish him further?What's the name of that song that goes “boop de da la la de daaaa”?How do you spell “foot”?I just made a Quora account. Why don’t I have 83828382820104761784727 followers and upvotes?Someone breathed near me. How can I be sure that I don’t have HIV?I eat pizza and watch TV all day. Why don’t I have a 6-pack?A man looked at me. How can I report him for sexual assault?I am literally the ugliest person on the planet. I look like this:How can I improve my appearance?11. Why did I stop breathing?12. Why do my thighs look so big?13. Why won't my crush sweep me off my feet and marry me instantly?14. I abuse animals on a daily basis. Why won't my parents let me get a cat?15. I want to shave my head, get full-body tattoos, get pregnant at 12, and pierce every pierceable area on my body. Why won’t my parents let me?16. My IQ is 18237263671727. Is this enough to work at Walmart?17. I constantly harass girls and try and force them to come to my apartment so I can impregnate them. Why don’t I have a girlfriend?18. Why?19. Where can I legally purchase a nuclear bomb?20. A gay person looked at me today. How can I stop the spread of heterophobia?21. I have 1 (one) pimple on my chin. How can I prevent bullying?22. I murdered 15 men, 29 women, 45 children, 12 dogs, and 36 cats. Why am I being put on the death penalty?23. What happens if you say the word one? (Yes, I have actually seen this question before)24. Why hasn’t Jesus come?25. If I am 6 and my sister is half my age, how old is she when I am 63?26. Why won’t Satan immediately drag all the gays to hell?27. My mom won't buy me the new iPhone 73 max, so I got stuck with a crappy iPhone 41. Why do my parents hate me so much?28. My daughter came home 3 seconds past curfew. What is an acceptable punishment?29. My child is 73. Should I allow them to make their own decisions?30. I named my son “Vagina”. Why does he get bullied constantly?31. I bombarded Ethan James with sexual messages and he blocked me. Why did he do this?32. How do I tell my son that he was a failed abortion?33. My daughter is 1. Why does she not have an Einstein-level IQ?34. I cheated on my husband 1,300 times. Why does he want a divorce?35. I told my son that he was a mistake. Why does he refuse to talk to me?36. Do chickens grow on trees or are they made in factories?37. What is the manliest way to die?38. My crush looked at me. When should I propose to him?39. I used to regularly beat my child every day. Why have they broken off contact with me?40. I am a 30-year-old woman and I weigh 50 (fifty) pounds. How can I lose some weight?41. I got distracted once during work. How do I cure my ADHD?42. My GPA is 7.9. Why am I such a failure?43. Why is everyone so stupid?44. I am a 67-year-old man. Any 13-year-olds looking for a relationship?45. A spider bit me. How soon will I become Spider-man?46. My friend thinks that girls poop. How can I prove that he is wrong?47. I am allergic to gluten. Why am I breaking out in a rash after eating a loaf of bread?48. I have a hangnail. Is this an early sign of cancer? If so, what kind of cancer?49. Why aren’t hotdogs round?50. How can I get away with murdering my ex’s girlfriend?Edit: People seem to really freaking like this for some reason, so I’ll add some more! (b/c I’m bored lol)51. I was driving down the street and I did a hit-and-run. Why are the police after me?52. I saw a lady with a nose ring today. Are bulls living among us?53. I read a book. Why isn’t Harvard accepting my application?54. I stopped using my inhaler. Why does it feel like I’m suffocating?55. I’m fully grown and have a height of 2′3. Is that a problem?56. I watched a sad movie and didn’t cry. Am I emotionless?57. I am a terrible cook, but nevertheless I tried baking some brownies. Why is my house on fire?58. I refuse to vaccinate my child. Why is he breaking out in smallpox?59. Why won’t they sell Christmas trees at Walmart? (Posted: July 6th)60. A bird flew into my window. What is the best way to cook it?61. I just entered my classroom with a loaded gun. Why is the school on lockdown?62. Why do squares have corners?63. I catcalled a girl and she slapped me. Why is this?64. I went to Pei Wei and ate a meal there. When can I expect to turn Chinese?65. My dog will not stop barking. Why are the neighbors complaining?66. I bought a creepy doll from a suspicious store. Why is half of my family dead?67. Where am I?68. Who invented breathing?69. I spend all day, every day outside in the sun. Why do I have skin cancer?70. Where was I born?Live large,Olivia

I will never let them know about Ola money.I always wanted my mom and dad to travel in car. When they are going to a wedding or a relative’s house etc. Because public transport is pathetic here.But I haven't reached a level where I can afford a driver to take them according to their needs. I will reach that position soon and I'm very optimistic about it.So, I started booking ola cabs for my parents. After few attempts they started avoiding it as the fares became high. No matter how much I compel they take a bus which is very tiresome.So I decided to play a trick. I tell them I have huge offers in ola which they can use for next ride. They are convinced now.They tell me where they need to go.I check the price (Ola will share the approximate price based on the distance). Something like below pic.Let's assume the price is 300 Rs.I add ola money of 250 Rs. I won't add the whole 300 Rs as my dad may suspect or find out.My mom and dad takes the booked cab. Get down and ask the driver how much. Since 250 Rs is deducted from my ola money he says 50 Rs which is the balance amount.My mom and dad think the offer is great and extremely value for money. They pay 50 Rs happily and call me to check if I have that offer for next ride as well. I say yes and they reach home. They discuss for one whole day how good ola is. Have been doing it for more than 3 months. I made their travel more comfortableIt's a win-win situation for both of us. I want them to travel in car. They think ola is dead cheap.I just call the driver and tell him not to inform anything about Ola money to my parents. None of the drivers have cheated so far. :)Appointing a driver for the car is too costly affair here. Hope that will be possible someday.

My mother always complains, “Why don't you save money for the future?” My father regularly tells me saving is one of the most effective weapons for middle-class families future uncertainties. I have had a job for over a year, but before the end of the month, my wallet is always empty—literally, no savings for the future.My parents think I waste money unnecessarily. But I don't smoke, neither consume alcohol nor buy expensive clothes. I also don't have any bad habit where I spend money irrelevantly.Last year, I visited many slums for official purposes. There I decided to help poor children personally after seeing their clumsy inhumane condition in slum areas. So, I spend money from my monthly salary for poor children in help.A surprising fact is that most of the slum children want to go to school, and they love to draw pictures. I send money to them regularly for their admission and school fees. I also purchase stationery items (e.g., books, khata, pens, pencils, sharpeners, pastel color boxes, and erasers) for them—gives me immense pleasure and self-satisfactionNobody knows about it—not even my parents, friends, and relatives. A few minutes ago, the mother of a kid called and told me, “Shovan Bhai, my daughter Sadia has ranked 1st in class 3.” She cried continuously. I couldn’t hear her voice, except her repeated crying.I was silent for a few moments— an extremely happy moment which can’t be explained in words. Then, I sat on my room's balcony with a cup of tea. From there, I saw a 4– 5-year-old rag picker, a girl who was collecting garbage from the street. She was wearing only a torn pair of pants with no shoes on her feet.At this age, she should be busy with her homework, playing with dolls or with other kids, drawing colorful pictures, and bringing up with the affection of parents. Unfortunately, she was on the street begging for money, collecting trash to sell for buying food. These homeless children don't get to eat properly the whole day; let alone study. I felt empty within to see the adorable little girl in a miserable condition.Dad, Mom, I am sorry. I cannot be a ‘so-called’ responsible young person who saves money for his better future.