As Another Year Comes To An End, I Hope We Can All Look Back On A: Fill & Download for Free

If I were your therapist and you told me that you wanted to be dead, I would not send you to a psych hospital. No experienced therapist would. Rather, I would first and foremost feel compassion for you having arrived at a place in life that led you to conclude that bodily death is the one and only solution remaining.I would hope and do my absolute best to create the trust, safety and intimacy that would allow you to begin unpacking how you arrived there. I would endeavor to have us work together to breathe some air into the darkly polarized mindset that has you reaching for the end.If you were willing to engage, to work through it, hang in there through the pain, there would be no need to commit you…unless…your depression, hopelessness, and ultimately your certainly about needing to take your life reached the point where it became clear you were ready and intending to act. In that case, all mental health providers are mandated reporters. We must legally and ethically do whatever possible to prevent fatal self-harm, the doing of harm to another, or neglect or any other harm of a child.But I’ll tell you this. After 20 years doing therapy, a very large handful have come to me with a desire/belief that suicide is the only choice left. God willing, I have yet to have anyone follow through.“Anything that is mentionable is [at least potentially] manageable” the old saying goes. I believe that to the core. NO exceptions, And I think that is why no one has completed suicide while in my care.I hope you will take this answer to heart and seek help, now. If you do, it is entirely likely that some time from now, who can say when, but at some point, you will look back on your current state of mind, having posed this question to Quora, and feel grateful and relieved that you did everything possible to find a way through. You may even look back in disbelief that you’d reached that point to begin with.Then, you will not only be filled with self-compassion and hard-earned wisdom, but be in a prime position as a triumphant, thriving human being who pulled back from the brink of annihilation and found meaning and purpose in living.Such individuals can be enormously inspirational change agents for others similarity despairing. We need you.It’s always darkest before the dawn, friend.Godspeed.

Smiling and laughing.(This was Chester Bennington just hours before he took his life)Let me tell you my story: The day I nearly killed myself.I planned it all out meticulously.Some exam results were being released that day. I wanted everyone to think I killed myself because of them. Not because of my parents and the abuse I endured at home.As I went to school for what I assumed would be the last time, I hoped none of my friends would notice the depressed state I was in.We went on a field trip. It was fun.It was to a factory. Where packed meals were made. The students went inside in batches.Being seniors, we were the last batch. So we decided to play Truth or Dare before we were called in.One of the boys (Andy) was dared to tell a female teacher that her hair smelled nice and to ask her what brand of shampoo she uses.He did it.Our group was howling and the teacher’s group was giggling. The teacher’s eyes grew wide with confusion as he spoke to her and Andy walked back without a hint of shame on his face.I laughed too.Even though my whole body was in pain and my mind was a warzone, I still laughed.Although I didn’t participate, I enjoyed the game. Then we returned to class for our results.Before we were called in all my classmates were vibrating with nervousness.Andy looked at my face and said:“Look at Namish, he’s so confident. He’ll probably get better results than us all.”They had no fucking clue.Perfect.We received the results. The score was perfect. Just high enough to be acceptable but just low enough to be disappointing.I was actually genuinely disappointed, but I didn’t care too much. I was going to be dead anyway tomorrow.I went home, locked myself in my room and waited for the right moment.Just before I did it, I wanted something to remind me of my childhood. So I watched an episode of Pokemon.I laughed again.It was a pretty fun episode. I wanted to simply enjoy my last moments on Earth.In the end, I ended up not going through with it and staying another day. But that’s a story for later.To this day, people still see me as that smart, confident, quiet, sweet guy who everyone likes.But I’m not.I’m a lonely, selfish, awful, miserable human specimen.No one knows how much pain I was in that day.Because I was smiling.Edit 2020: It’s been three years since I’ve written this answer and in that time a lot has changed. I’ve done things I never thought possible at the time of writing this answer and although I’ve certainly had troubles and struggles even recently, I’m better.It’s hard for me to read this answer. I was in so much pain around this time and it really shows in the way I describe myself and write. But I’d like to thank every single person who left nice comments on this answer. It really means a lot. Only the people who’ve gone through depression and suffered know what it’s like and how utterly painful it is. We think of diabetes as a serious disease because it can kill, yet depression kills many people as well and somehow isn’t viewed with the same seriousness.I’ve chosen to leave this answer untouched because people need to see, from as unfiltered a perspective as they can get, how bad and brutal depression really is. Most information on depression, including this edit was written by a person who was previously depressed. The above answer was written by a young teenager during the peak of his depression. The world needs to know why it’s not a trivial illness.I’ve come to realize a lot of things since first writing this. I still miss Chester Bennington, and I will have this illness for the rest of my life. Now however, I know how to deal with it and live my best life. The friends I’ve made and the people that have supported me in getting medication and therapy are to thank for that.If you think that you are a waste of life and a waste of space, like I did three years ago, know that you aren’t. Humans aren’t durable, we need support and we need compassion when we go through some of the toughest moments of our lives, and that super okay.You aren’t your mental illnesses, you aren’t your mistakes. You aren’t your self-harm, you aren’t your anger, you aren’t your pain, you aren’t your past, and you aren’t what other people say about you. You are what you choose to be. And I urge everyone with a mental illness to choose life and to get as much help from as many sources as they need. People with cancers aren’t burdens, so why should you be considered one.I’m glad I chose life that day. It was not at all easy, and the road ahead was painful. And yet I’m so grateful that I did for all the brilliant, wonderful, empowering, and victorious moments that followed and the wonderful friends I’ve made and reconnected with especially recently.You are worth it.

Jack always has to greet somebody with a toy.When somebody comes to the door he will panic and whip his head around, looking for the closest toy.Sometimes he grabs toys that are a little big.Or ones that look like him!And sometimes he will just get excited and bring you a toy for no reason.He does this every single day I come home. We call them his babies.He is incredibly spoiled and has quite a few.I travel often for the military and never come back without a new baby!Of all his babies, he has a particular fondness for his duck toys. We call them his yucky duckies because he usually gets them dirty.I think he does this because he knows it is adorable and makes people smile. :)Edit 04June2019: I am sad to say that Jack had to be put down in March. He wasn't really able to walk anymore. We still miss him every day and I can't look at stuffed animals in the store without wanting to buy him one then remembering he is gone. I don't think I'll ever have another dog like him. I hope I never forget how comforting his hugs were.Edit 16Mar2019: Jack isn't doing so well. Honestly, his back legs are so bad that his quality of life is dipping towards the "not worth it” end pretty much every day. First diagnosed to lived to 5 years old, and now being 11, Jack has shown me what it is like to live for others. To put aside your personal issues and live to make others happy. Jack is as near a selfless human being I can think of. I wish I could take away his pain and give him proper and healthy hips/back legs. He deserves the world. He doesn't have much time left. Maybe a few weeks or months if we are lucky. Please keep him in your hearts and in your memory.