The Influence Of Parental Advice Giving: Fill & Download for Free

I had just had my first baby and I was scared to death. I had no clue what I was doing and had no family near me to help. It was only me and my then husband in a strange new city and we were just so young.Once we got home from the hospital, my parents came to see us from out-of-town. And as if things weren't bad enough as a confused young new mother, as my dad was leaving out the door he said,"It just gets worse and worse from here on out."Who says that kind of stuff? He used to. He had a horrible outlook on life at that time.I can't tell you how much I fell further into desperation immediately after he said that. It was a moment of sheer terror.I thought they had left when suddenly my mother ran back in from the car and said, "Your dad is wrong honey. It just gets better and better, not worse. Children are wonderful! They will show you a facinating side of life you'd otherwise never see. You will do great at this. I believe in you."Then she came closer to me and made sure she had my attention. Through my frightened tears she continued,"Just do what you feel is right for you and YOUR baby, and the rest will fall into place."The best parenting advice I ever received, which I gathered from my very first "advice experience" as a new mother, is to throw out the negative and keep the positive. Refuse to let people be around you that are a toxic influence on your baby's life and your own outlook on life. Surround yourself and your family with positivity and encouragement, and"do what you feel is right for you and YOUR baby".And that's what I did my best to achieve as I raised my children. You can't always do it. It's not realistic to even think you can avoid bad things, but each negative experience has a lesson you can use as a guiding teaching moment.Because of that experience with my dad's first words to me as a new mother, my children's time with their grandfather was limited to only when I was around them both so I could quietly monitor. If he said something negative to them or me, we would simply get up and leave.Getting up and leaving a negative person or environment is a fantastic way to teach others to watch their words, and an even better way to teach your children they don't ever have to put up with negative people.No one knows your baby like you do. You have a bond you developed while pregnant and after the birth no one can truly understand because this is YOUR baby, not theirs. It's between you and your baby. Their experience was theirs. This is yours.There's so much advice out there to read and try, but remember it's just a guide. Take what works for you and your family and throw the rest out.Your protective instincts will kick in.You'll know when they're sick and need a doctor.You'll learn which cry means what thing.You'll know when they're hungry and who cares if they just ate an hour ago and someone says don't feed them yet. They're still hungry dammit.Don't let anyone tell you you're "doing it wrong" when you know your baby is happy, healthy, and thriving.Surround your children with the love, care, and protection you know they'll need. They will thank you for it in so many ways and for many years to come.If you find yourself having an increasingly difficult time and find yourself overwhelmed and continually in tears, get to a doctor and explain what's wrong. Postpartum depression is nothing to be ashamed about. The body changing from pregnant to not pregnant can be a Hormone Hell Ride. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby.I still miss my mother so much. She gave the best advice without even realizing it.You'll do great, new mom and dad. You'll do great.Post Note: My dad eventually got so much better around my children once he got happier in life, and they loved him dearly. Years later, when he was dying, he asked to see each grandchild separately so he could give them encouragement towards their adulthood. It was one of the most touching moments of my life.

What should you do if your daughter-in-law doesn’t listen to your parenting advice? You should accept the fact that you’re not your grandchildren’s parent. You had your turn at parenting, and now it’s her turn and your son’s turn. They are not surrogates for you.You need to learn how to be a supportive, respectful mother-in-law and grandmother and stop trying to be the parent of your grandchildren. It’s one thing to be available if your advice is requested, letting them know you’re available to help if help is needed. It’s another thing to impose your advice without being invited to and to continue to do that despite no indication that it’s welcome.The issue is one of recognizing boundaries and respecting them. If you want to have a healthy relationship with your grandchildren, work on developing a healthy relationship with your daughter-in-law.First, your son should be setting this boundary for you so that you don’t exhaust his wife and the mother of his children with your free advice. That he’s not doing that is an indication that his sense of roles and boundaries needs work.Second, a supportive and respectful mother-in-law is far more likely to be asked for parenting advice if she doesn’t offer it first and only responds to requests with forethought and respect for the mother’s authority and position with the grandchildren.Third, if you’re giving your daughter-in-law unrequested advice in front of the kids and your son or anyone else, you’re promoting a lack of respect for your daughter-in-law, making it far less likely that she will ever ask you for advice.So, my advice to you is to work on yourself instead of your daughter-in-law and change from being critical and dictatorial to being supportive and respectful.Now, is all the advice you’ve been giving off base? Probably not, but at least some of it probably is. Old ways of raising kids were not perfect, and the boy you raised is not perfect either. It’s not possible that you were the perfect mom as there are no perfect moms. So, your advice was probably a mix of good advice, bad advice, and mediocre advice. What you were really saying to her was, “This is what I want you to do rather than making your parenting decisions yourself. Do what I say.” So, be humble about this.On the chance that your daughter-in-law is making some serious mistakes that might not be made if she listened to your advice, if you change your tactics and perspective so you can become a trusted, beloved, and respected role model, your grandkids are more likely to get the benefit of whatever advice you might give in response to being asked.So, if you really want to have an influence, stop giving advice and start speaking well of your daughter-in-law, asking how you can help and doing so humbly, and being an angel of a mother-in-law—never intrusive.It’s really your choice. Be the annoying, boundary-busting nag young moms dread seeing pull into the driveway, or be the wonderful woman who always has her daughter-in-law’s back, who follows instructions reliably, and who gives her son and daughter-in-law respect and space to have their own family.

No. You will not be a total jerk.I write as one who did not attend her father's funeral. I also did not speak to him for the last seven years of his life, although he did reach out to me (in the usual manipulative manner) about 3 years before his death. I was so disturbed by the contact that I wrote my first-ever letter to an advice columnist--Emily Yoffe, writing as Dear Prudence, for Slate.My letter wasn't published, but Emily replied to my email. Two years later, she wrote to me because she was preparing an article about adult children of toxic parents, and she wanted to know if we could talk more about my experience. I spent almost two hours on the phone with her. I'm not sure I was helpful to her article, but our conversation certainly clarified my remaining guilt and confusion.These days, I haven't any at all. My life is peaceful now. And when the time comes, I won't attend my mother's funeral either.Here is the piece Emily did. I hope it helps you.What Do Grown Children Owe Their Terrible, Abusive Parents?(I have not read any of the other answers to your question. This is not my usual practice, but I wanted to give you my perspective totally without the influence of other points of view.)