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I do.I do not regret moving away from home and experiencing a new life.But I do regret choosing Canada over Europe (I did have the choice).These are my reasons for ‘regretting moving to Canada’. If I wrote a piece about reasons for moving to Canada I would choose different aspects of life that can be helpful in shedding light on what is good in Canada compared to other countries. This is not that text.Here are a few things I am sure the responses, especially the ones from those who have ‘just’ moved here and likely wrote the comments in their ‘high’ of traveling, do not cover. This is not for people who were born in Canada as I can imagine no Canadian can live in my hometown entirely happily either. Only because Canada is an immigration destination, it seems to me the imagery that lawfirms create to encourage people to move (so they can get humongous amounts of money) is unreal. I moved to Canada as a graduate student and gained my residency and everything while I did a master's and a PhD. I did my PhD on an immigration related topic and things I know and state about immigration here are not just anecdotes, most of them are researched material.Bear in mind, none of the negative points I have mentioned here means Canada is “bad” - I am only attempting to clarify that Canada is nowhere near unearthly-IDEAL as many immigration law firms and advertisement on cheap satelite TVs try to depict for travelers. You get certain benefits you lose some. The same is with anywhere you chose as a destination. In any place, some issues might be tolerable to you, some might tear you apart in the long run. Knowledge is power.FOR THE RECORD:A) Canadians are very nice, polite and socially reserved. They are welcoming and genuinely do [want] not discriminate (often, as I have seen and I know they genuinely mean not to) against race or culture. There are very decent, respectable people I have met here. There are friendships I do cherish. But I do not think that I would have moved here for the sake of meeting these people. Especially for a person without their 1st degree family, life can feel very machine-like, disconnected here. It will if you are on your own.B) Things I have listed here have affected me personally. You can have an utter disagreement with them ALL. For example, I don’t like the cold etc. You might be an ice-lover and feel the best in cold climates. So then, move on. The cold won’t make you feel any regrets. Good! It certainly don’t matter a bit. Just as my opinions don’t matter. If someone finds this text useful, he or she knows how to use this info. It is always easier to see things from a critical perspective once one has lived in different places. Nonetheless, these are my viewpoints; most of the time people who have lived all of their lives in their country of birth (whether it’s Canada or elsewhere) think their country is either the worst of the best. There are also [especially] first generation immigrants who seem to be obsessed with the nationalist ideals of Canada, I am not one of them. I came to this country as a researcher and I well deserve and hold my right to be critical seriously. Yet, everything is relative.1 - The cold is deadly - and no one wants to admit it.2 - It is cold not only outside, Canadians like to burn extra fuel on airconditioning and to freeze their indoor areas too, both in summer and winter (and yes there are only two seasons in Canada). It really bothered me that there was not one day all year around when I could do my errands without having to carry a jacket or, ever thinking of wearing a skirt like I like to do - because the moment I step inside buildings it’s FREEZING (unless you are exercising). Although, I must say people do not dress to the weather, which is weird because in Sweden they do, for example.Winters are 8 months long here (Edit: when I say winter, I mean so long I need to wear knits, jackets, tooks and boots, if you go out with shorts in 10 degrees good for you, anything below 12 is winter to me and most people from mild climates). For at least 3 months, it’s below -15 (Edit: if anyone doubts this, they can track the weather and average temperature in various provinces, make sure you look at the ‘real feel’ value too. Unless you are in Windsor Ontario or BC, this is what it is, if not worse). You need a car. You need a really good home with proper heating, and still your social life is brought to a minimum during those months. Now, let’s see what happens when you are a broke student who lives in the burbs and cannot even dream of having a car. I live downtown and it’s a 15 min walk to my school (nice eh?) when it’s -40, I do mind having to walk 15 mins.3 - It is super expensive. And not all top brands of tech and retail ship there. Rent goes up significantly every year. You could look it up if you wished, but I am half-certain that Canadians pay the highest price for phone and internet services in the developed world. Other expenses are high too, compared to many countries - and it’s not like you get a top-quality life for the expensive things you spend money on. I am talking about a single person who cooks their own meals, does not even drink and, does not spare money on anything other than necessities. Again, many don’t mind this at all.4 - Public transportation SUCKS BALLS. Before I lived here I had heard on several occasions about how punctual buses are in Canada because if they do not pick people up in a timely manner people could freeze. That was, to my dismay, an utter lie. Lol. And on top of that, the reach of each city’s transportation system is very weak. Unless you live in the downtown area (which makes it easier just to walk or bike rather than having to wait for irregular buses for unknown periods of time) chances are you will have to spend 2+ hours on transportation every day just to get to where you work or you go to school. Most of the cities do not have metro (subway) and again when they do, the beauty of it is only when you are in close distances to the core downtown. Otherwise, the metro will never get you to the inner cities, and you will have to switch to subsidiary buses that… again will get you to wait… and wait… and wait.Intercity transport is also really outdated, I believe because it is monopolized and, expensive. I do not know if there are any countries left around the world with such a disconnected ground transport system - especially given how vast Canada is and how far apart everything is in North America.Never mind internal flight prices. I don’t want to even get started on writing about prices on air traveling inside the country. Just know that it’s often cheaper to visit Europe instead of visiting a province across the country.5 - Being in a relationship is overrated (I am married now so this is not being bitchy it’s the reality I’ve experienced). There are many people with lousy relationships to which they hang on to, just because being single is not normal (and I’m not talking about marriage). For some people, especially minnelials, concern about the physiological need for sex and the act itself as a much needed activity, is the centerpiece of reasoning for inquiring partners. Not that this can be a good base for a long lasting couple-dom in the philosophy of Canadians, but youth act on it for “getting one” a lot.The dating scene can look like an absolute bogus mess, which comes down to ‘ghosting’, ‘cat and mouse games’ and unmature troubles. Women chase men too much and for too long, and sometimes people really hope to share the rent so that they move in for that. People move in in a matter of days of knowing each other and move out in a matter of a couple of months. By the late 20s, anyone you meet has been through divorce(s) or separation(s), likely has kids, usually still ‘hangs out’ with their exes (you are likely to learn about the grisly truth only after you have invested yourself emotionally in an unworthy narcissist too hard). It is very common to be pointed at as ‘not getting enough sex’ and ‘not having a man’! Sometimes I wonder if it is the 1800s and the age of getting wedded is 16. Very often people you meet are bitter and cunning, only looking for another partner to suit their economic imbalances. People put up with cheating partners very often, and internalizing these standards, at least when you are super lonely, comes next. You’ll be surprised.Disclaimer: There are many many loving people and families in Canada. There are many many decent Canadians with loving partners, with selfless care for their parents, and absolutely beautiful bonds that has brought them together beyond material stuff. There are also inter-racial relationships as such. In plenty. But what you need to know is as a newcomer you do not always get lucky to be in the inner circles and to be taken seriously by people who you happen to meet. It does feel constantly as if all the relationships were formed way before you set foot on the land. And that is a very awkward feeling to have - to feel left out.I generally would not suggest a single person who is interested in dating to come here. If I ever do recommend Canada it’s to couples. If you have kids you will get to raise them in safe, all-look-alike neighborhoods where they never play on the streets - I don’t know why? It’s safe, it’s super flat and begs for two gates and a soccer ball or hockey puck- and you will have toput thousands of dollars on their daycare. I will not get into the cost of primary education. Not here.6 - As a foreigner with gradschool degree, unless you are an engineer or have an MBA or, if you are a real estate or car sales agent (or wish to become) forget about doing anything ambitious. See because going your own thing needs capital and needs connections. It is hard to have any of them as a recent resident with no previous history in anywhere.You could have all the qualifications in the world and work in Walmart and enjoy your 4 K salary with benefits (many people are happy with that and do put aside their goals and settle with having enough pay to get by as an ultimate). And if you refuse to work for years on years in a job for which you are overqualified, you are pointed at as a sloth who doesn’t want to work. Now, yes there are unemployment benefits and unlike some countries, you can still live with the bare minimum and go to job search workshops for free until you are hired. Also Yes, with a good education, and if you chose the right co-op (this means you should have been here during your bachelor and it gets harder and harder to get into prestigious organization the more you delve into grad school as a non-Canadian a job that suits your skills you get into a very comfortable safety net (good salary, ability to get a mortgage and a home and car all that). Some like it, some think with that they are trapped in a loophole and are wasting their talents.Your success is measured by salary (this is not exclusive to Canada of course, just that it’s a very prominent fact), pension, and mortgage, not if you are happy with your job (it's actually the norm to hate your work and I think that’s because there are many many service jobs and not many creative ones). Ironically no one wants to talk about numbers when it comes to money. There is a presumption everyone's well-being and financial condition is safeguarded by some godly ransom that they dug up from the graves of their ancestors.7 - Making friends and meeting people your type is a hidden gem. You might not mind the prices if you are rich, and would likely be able to skip atrocious housing conditions. It doesn’t negate the fact that the industrial nature of everything resonates everywhere no matter what you do. You chose your lifestyle.BUTPeople will not at least until a couple of decades get actually close to you (save if you have a family here) and at some point, you give up trying to break the ice. Or it’s not the ice, just an invisible shield surrounding some of us. And you will learn to do the same as them, and limit your relationships to thinking of them mainly as professional networks which you will have to employ for career purposes. You will create your own bubble around yourself and you will either learn to enjoy it, or you will keep regretting your life choices.There is also a case to be opened about dishonesty. It’s not that Canadians are two-faced. They are a good peoples. OK? BUT the way [most] people do not tell you what they mean and confuse you with their actions and words is astonishing here. Barely anyone is straightforward, and humor is a lost word in Canadian English. Everyone seems to have a stick up their arse (and you will become like that too). People only open up after getting absurdly drunk - mainly for a few seconds before they lose the ability to collect their conscious.(Edit: there is a general assumption that people in countries with Arctic climate and low-density populations have bigger bubbles around their selves, are more difficult to connect and are easily out of touch with their emotions. I cannot speak for Scandinavia for example, but, have heard foreigners from dense societies feel the same about them. Take this tho; emotional has negative connotations in Canadian English. So you know who you are).8 - It’s boring and I’ve seen no Canadians being ashamed of this so I’m not hating - it’s kind of funny! Save for the hardcore advocates of outdoors sports - even though the temperatures are usually below standard for those too, I would say! I have heard skiiers from Scandinavia come here and are shocked how locals go out on days they would absolutely refuse to exercise outdoors. Other than the few main cities I’m sure you know which ones are and, their downtown areas only, the rest of the towns and the burbs and the cities are a copy and paste version of one another - ugly 70s style cement buildings, from an era where architects stopped being creative and erecting venues was likely left to road builders! City structure is inaccessible without a car and, is alienating.Having fun comes down to - for a very extended time in people’s lives - bar hopping with teens (or grown-ups who like to act like they are still teens; super excited about being able to drink), in un-fashionable clothing, lol, hearing some country music and watching girls throw up and drop like flies - because alcohol is the holy grail no one wants to be left behind in consuming it as much as possible (and guess what? it is also more expensive than anywhere I have been, U.S. Europe, South America). You barely can enjoy your drink, or socialize all without it if you wished - it always seems to me that there is a race in ‘how much’ you can drink, so to say, you have a place in the society!!!I am an artist, and I have studied human sciences. This type of environment often does not cultivate creativity [in general]. Yes there are outstanding artists who come from Canada; Jim Carrey, Boards of Canada, Blond:ish, Ryan Gosling and so on. But which one lives in Canada still?I have known creative people and they are mainly of higher socio-economic classes. If not, it is that they get funding easier than others - especially foreigners - for that they are of established minorities. I do not know a first generation who has become a super star in Canada. The level of artwork, presentation and access to creative means is bare minimum because people care too much about having a routine and a salary - because back to the point, prices are no joke here, nor are your bills, your credit card or the mortgage etc. And the best way to secure those is being as predictable and average as possible. Art is regulated by the government, which is great in the sense that artists can have access to massive fundings; so long that they follow the government’s agenda which changes at every turn of the parliament.9 - The food including fresh produce, snacks, prepared meals and pub/restaurant dishes is bland and tasteless (I do not really know what it is, the way the American groceries that are exported to Canada are grown? GMOs? The amount of sugar and salt that is used in food versus all the other spices that should be but are NEVER used?)Edit: I accidentally came upon a source about proteins that indicated in North America some animal proteins (that are not naturally found in the structure of plants) are used for the growth of fruits and vegetables. I have also heard that many standards in agriculture and farming are way different from elsewhere in the world, whether these contribute to the tastelessness of food is for debate but surely modifications that are done to our food remain largely a mystery.‘Affordable ethnic’ cuisines are limited to Thai and Chinese food. For the rest you will often have to pay 3 times as much.10 - See - this point is nothing unnatural. But people think Canada is somewhere beyond earth and everything is super whatever. Including super hygenic. Well no it’s not. There are good and bad places. If you are not wealthy enough and have just moved you will face those very developing world problems. Get ready for wrecking accommodation, roaches, bedbugs, and mice. There are many many old residential buildings made of wood. Naturally, susceptible to all kinds of vermin. The hygiene level is also below my standards (and I am not fussy whatsoever). People very often do not seem to clean enough. Not all, of course. But it does not surprise me anymore that 50% of the times when I walk into a new place and I notice the clump of dust in the corners and uncleaned kitchen and bathrooms.Also, bad landlords, awful landlords and absolutely psychopathic ones who own houses and rent it out for extra income and make the life of the tenant hell, are plenty. Unless you are living in a condo building, which is at least 1.5 times rentals and twice as expensive as shared houses, situations can rise easily.Nature is great though. Again if you have the luxury of accessing natural sites by car. Freezing your ass camping, or, if you would like to go hiking and skiing - mainly in inhuman temperatures. This is all given the fact that you do find the time off to ever do something extracurricular.11 -Universal Health Care: it’s there, it’s good, better than the U.S., even than the E.U. because you do not need to necessarily be working to have it, so long that you are not actually sick or require an emergency. I cannot count the number of times I have heard people they were kept in the ER for hours with no primary care, no drugs nor testing because there were no specialized doctors available to look at them (this goes from food poisoning to having a broken bone to anything else). I am not talking about medical mistakes. I am talking about a severe shortage of doctors.Doctors, I mean specialists, literally flock to this country in the hopes of practicing their medicine away from their home country where they have to compete with several others. It is almost impossible for them to get back on the track with new qualifications they require to work in Canada as it takes a decade to get through the tests and everything… and guess what? Life costs money and they end up being taxi drivers - or whatever, not doctors anymore!!! (The taxi driver doctor is such a stereotype you cannot even keep a blind eye). Now, those doctors CAN, in fact, make a good living driving taxis or working in Walmart or wherever, but what do you think happens to people in need of special care?Well if they are rich they go to the States, Europe or the Middle East, in emergency situations sometimes the correct diagnosis does not take place on time and they end up being slaves to the pharmaceutical industry for their lifetime.Plus note that the Universal Health Care does not cover the costs of most of the highly specialized medical treatments - unless you have extra coverage with your work.So, despite being a relatively healthy person you can enjoy regular checks with your family doctor, anything beyond that if you are not employed at the right place and do not have a ton of money to pay for treatment in the U.S. can be scary.Hmmm…what’s the cancer rate in Canada again?12 - Unemployment Benefits; I am not going to say it is awful to have help when you become unemployed (but I guess most governments in the world have something along those lines). It is relatively easy to get the few hundred dollar checks and it can cover some basic costs. But middle-class worker who does pay some rent for a decent place and happens to become unemployed cannot really manage monthly expenses with the unemployment benefit check that the government sends. It is just a little help. It does not hold one’s life together unless one decides to move in a basement with 4+ roommates during the time he or she is unemployed - which can mean months. I do not propose the provincial governments should raise this pay, I am just saying those who move to Canada to get these benefits are very much like those buggers who soak up the money sitting on the streets acting like they need help while the real trouble of unemployment (however small in percentage) is draining students and real workers.The other thing is, many of those who actually rely on government help money are unfortunately native people whose life and tradition has been torn apart by the colonial system for many many decades. (again I am not going to elaborate on what has happened to the indigenous peoples of Canada, you do your research). But just so you know their unemployment in a system that has destroyed their traditions, languages and families, is not something that can be fixed with a few hundreds of dollars per month, but needs a historical healing. The other benefactors are lazy entitled [often local white] people who do not look for work, do not accept low wage work, and do choose to beg on the streets (because they can collect some more from kind people who help them) while they reside in social housing or dirty cheap team houses. Often drunken bad-mouthed homeless people who are plenty in the richest cities of the country - you only need to take a 5 minute walk in downtown Ottawa or Toronto, for example, to realize poverty is not something specific to ‘the developing countries’. But interestingly, there are no videos or pictures showing this type of thing to the enthusiastic immigrants as ‘Canada’. No, Canada is not only its homeless people. Neither it is its national hockey team. But there are these issues here, like anywhere else in the world and the spotless imagery many people have of this country is simply laughable.And last but not least International Higher Education: There is a humongous number of people who come to Canada as international students every year (I wrote my Ph.D. thesis about this, so this is only a glimpse of the facts I have come upon while writing. Rest assured, I have presented my research to the department of immigration and citizenship and they approved I had my facts right, so there). All around the world, studying abroad is encouraged and celebrated, especially is one gets into a highly accredited institution in the top universities that are mainly located in anglophone countries. Many of those who come to Canada are essentially pursuing this as a pathway for accessing immigration to Canada. Little they know the number of foreign students is so overwhelmingly high, and the information regarding their success in getting permanent residency is very scattered; the reality is the government of Canada recognizes international education as one of its most important economic assets[1] (immediate expenditure of incoming international students earned about 12 billion dollars for Canada in 2016[2] ) but despite the available programs for immigration of students, the ultimate goal has never been to settle all of them[3] .Each international student pays up to 3 times the tuition fee[4] the domestic student does (depending on the province) and funding (especially for foreign students) is becoming more scarce every year. Now while you might be experiencing all of the social aspects of life including the above-mentioned, before deciding to study in Canada you might want to check the job market from within - meaning people who have been through your field of study. Do not rely on the advertising university partners provide or the pretty pictures on university websites. Studying here is no joke and one is better to consider everything and more (including finding a good adviser who is not planning on being a dick to you for the entire course of your graduate degree) before committing to a program that requires great attention.Also please note that an international student can not enjoy any of the government programs such as immigration services, health care, unemployment benefits etc. These only come to immigrants and citizens. Especially after an international student graduates, he or she is literally relying on a single paper called Post Graduate Work Permit. There is barely any budget dedicated to guiding this young and sophisticated bunch through the Canadian system.EDIT: Now, don’t get me wrong. I do not absolutely hate my life, so please, be kind and save the philanthropic positivist advice, I’d prefer a proper mural or DJ gig lol - you see no matter how great I feel about myself, I have my opinions. This is not my diary or resume. I have had my successes, which come through years of effort and not giving up and also having met the right people, of course, after many many wrong ones. Here, I have not included anything close to my day to day dire experience with matters such as underemployment, higher education fees, the monopoly in the art scene etc. These are the reasons that convince me, as per speaking to the general public, why I would have possibly chosen another destination - somewhere warmer with better urban architecture and a dense population (who knows maybe in a place like that I would have experienced for example racism or whatever and I would be writing something critical about that imaginary place) - if I went back and decided to go abroad and explore the world at 24. Again, if you are here to represent Canadian patriarchy by hateful comments, you are simply on a wrong post, go read something that fulfills your agenda. Also, this is in the 2010s, Canada screens in almost only highly skilled technical work force and, I am in the arts and humanities. My experience would be incomparable to numerous people who moved here 30 years ago as general labor.This is not by any means a thorough socio-cultural nor is an economic analysis of everything that there is to know about Canada. For that, there are more comprehensive resources on Academia.edu - Share research and researchgate.Footnotes[1] Canada’s International Education Strategy[2] Economic impact of international education in Canada - 2017 update[3] Douglas Todd: Immigration disappointment looms for Canada's young foreign students[4] http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/international-students-universities-ontario-tuition-1.4199489

This is an Interesting Question. My Country is India and I currently live in the southern Part of India. This is important for me to declare my country of Origin, before answering this question.To live Single all their life [with Choice] is one of the best way to live in India. It takes away a Huge burden from your life. The cultural perspective of this Country forces everyone to get married and they call that in a simple Term “My child is SETTLED”.First and foremost thing, you don’t have to worry about your Financial Independence.Arranged Marriages: Some thing interesting to talk about it.. Our parents are not fine with dating a complete stranger, but fine with getting married to one.. and if one seems to stay single they come with “who will take care of you when your old”One of the world’s oldest traditional chain ..they have: which is - Children depend on them..and parents in turn depend on their children.. and goes on and on. Come on - Give me a break. I have broken that Chain.. I do take care of my Mom.. but that’s out of Love and nothing else.Glimpses of our SocietyWe only have few dreams of our own.. most of our dreams are our Parents or Forefathers.. lol. They want us to be like that, do that.. only study this, try to work in this field, get married.. make a child soon [even if your wife is not agreeing] make sure that she delivers a Boy if possible..is it normal delivery or surgery? if its normal then its good. Though such things are slowly changing now. But still a long time to go.Work lifeSome do ask me in Office also D0 I have any plans of getting married?. First time ok..coz they wanted to know. I just smile at them.. again if they ask..again i smile at them. That’s all.Few of them ask out of concern, some are really interested to know why I am not..and some wanted us to suffer like them[lol] That is how it is in this side of the Planet. However, my country is also changing fast. Especially the Youth of this country, who know the difference between what is a Personal question and what is not.I am 39 yrs old and I am single by choice. For me its Too Good.Minimalist: It made me to lead a very simple Life. I am a Minimalist now. The world has taught us that we will be happy if we buy this thing..that thing..and so on. But I am happy by owning less. Since i am Single, i was able to do that. I don’t have any family commitments as such to force me to buy Stuff which i am not part of. I just have a single bedroom Apartment with a living room and a nice kitchen.Travel the world: This is the one of the things most Singles have in their Bucket list. I already been to few countries. The biggest thing is you don’t need a plan. Since i don’t buy any unnecessary things, i am able to save more, enjoy Freedom and Travel the world. You don’t have to plan based on your children’s vacation or your spouse’s vacation and so on. Coz.. you don’t have any dependencies.BEAUTIFUL THINGS OF EVERYDAY LIFEI live in Bangalore and work in an IT firm [Though its not my dream job..but i do so that i can earn and travel the world]. I stay in an apartment.The city is Busy but I am not: Sometimes when i take a Leave from work, i just watch and observe the world. Some might have missed it in their busy world.. But i don’t. I do give attention to every single beautiful thing in this rather over crowded city - because I have Time.I don’t run the Race..I just walk one step at a Time. Some times i take a day off from work. I watch Parents living a busy life making their children getting ready for School.. sitting at my apartment with a Cup of Coffee. When the whole world is going in one direction, for catching the bus, moving for work, buying stuffs at the Shopping Malls.. standing in queue for Billing, searching for a place to park their cars.. I just Take one step at a Time.. Walking quietly..in the Opposite direction. I sometimes wonder, why people are busy all the time as if the world is going to end today. yeah i get it.. They are tuned to do so.. because they are part of the vicious cycle.Edit: Adding MoreIn few Months, I’ll be 40. But some beautiful things that i have experienced, enjoyed already in the Gardens of life in being Single.Mt.Sinai: I climbed Mt Sinai In Egypt and watched the Pyramids during SunsetPalestine border: I crossed the problematic borders of Palestine, met few Palestine civilians and who wanted me to hear their side of the stories and issues of day to day life.In Jerusalem: I traveled alone to Israel visiting the Holy land of Jerusalem and walked where Jesus walked 2000 yrs ago in Via Dolorosa. I met few Greek Fathers who became Friends in my Face book accountNew Roads New Friends: I traveled extensively covering district to district in Karnataka in India: on every weekend..meeting the Locals and interesting people on the way. Most memorable one was Hampi tour- where i met Guys and girls from HP office Bangalore who became my Close friends.Tribes of Jordan: I missed Petra, but walked on the Desert for a Mile to meet some Arabs who are People of the Desert.. who helped me to ride a Camel on my ownA Cup of Tea on the highest Mountain in Srilanka: One Fine day, i packed my bag and landed in srilanka..and went to the Tea Factory in Glen Rock, situated in Nuwereliya. It was full of Mist and drizzling rain and i tasted one of the world’s best tea sitting on the hillock with the fellow Tourists all around the world. Later that night, i watched Kandi Perahara Festival at Kandy.Sking in the Blue Mountain Resorts - Canada: When all my office friends did not like going for short onsite trip to Canada - I volunteered. Because in a short trip you cannot earn anything much..that is natural for people who are married. Not for me. When i went there, my Onsite friends were happy, because i googled, researched and took them to all the places they have never been in Canada. They lived for almost 4 yrs, but never been to such places. One memorable thing is Sking in the Blue Mountain resort in Canada. People go their to earn and return.. but i went to earn, spend and returned with Memories[ Photos]BEING SINGLE: Happy Points to ponderFor a Family Man, its always about Job security.. for me even if i loose my Job: i might get worried but never in-secured..coz no one depends on me :-)I don’t live like some people who think as if the whole world is revolving around them. I do the Opposite. Instead, I go around the worldI don’t have to buy stuff for my kids neither an education or to chase dreams for my Family and retire. Coz i don’t have any. In fact i am already retired in my own way. :-)I tune my guitar, play few strings and used to have a small glass of wine watching TV at home. No one tells me what to eat and what not to.. but still i take care of my health to a great extent. I cook my own food.. i plan my diet.. Eat Healthy and also aging graciously young.. In the last 9 yrs or so, i never been to a Doctor. :-)I never had any plans of getting married. so I tried few different Jobs..for a while to experience new things in Life. Been in Shipping, Logistics, Marketing, Counselling and at last for almost 7 yrs in IT field now.Freedom is the most important thing that is Guaranteed instantly, when one makes a Choice to lead a Single Life. I can walk wherever i want.. i don’t have to tell anyone where i am going.. I can be late after office and i don’t have to make anyone wait for me and to be questioned late at Night.Never thought or worried about.Future investment Plan for kids, family and so on. Coz i don’t own anyone and no one owns me.Health insurance plan for my Family. Though i have one for myselfI can stay in my own apartment or else i can rent it out and stay somewhere else in this world..any time i wantIf suppose downsizing happens in my industry, It might affect others.. not me.. they can only remove me..but not Move me.. I am a Rock of my Life.I spend less Time and money than my Senior Manager.. I have only one family member to feed..and its me.. He might be senior in his position, but i have more time for myself.. . . but he may not know my world. Just kidding.I don’t own a car. I have a cycle and a Bike.. i save petrol and also contribute less Pollution. All i need is a little bit of Everything compared to a Family Man..less electricity..less energy..less Cooking gas, less..water usage..less expenditure.. and more for Environment.The Learning CurveI was lucky enough to have an understanding Mom[My dad is no more] and a caring sister - who never objected my decision. They are fine with that. I am not sure how many Indian Families are like that.Some of my relatives are also damn Good.. they never used to ask any personal questions. My Uncle who is a community counselor once told me [in context to my lifestyle] “Not all trees are created the same way..some are created for God’s Glory..some don’t bear fruits but they are there in this world..just for the Glory of God”Initially some relatives think its odd..but they become hopeless trying with words which had no effect on me. Result: As time went by..they liked me.Who told? No man is an Island.. beneath the water there is a land..which connects all islands.. so some good Friends..and some Good relatives who see this lifestyle as beautiful.Married to be singles: One of my friend is divorced..and he too leads a single life now. But there is a difference.. i never went through pain..like him before and after the divorce. Some couple stay in the same house, but still they live as singles.. because they don’t talk to each other. And some couples earn for themselves..wife for herself..and husband for himself..there are such stories i have heard of.In this Ever changing Modern world.. Being single is the next Fashionable yet affordable lifestyle one can embrace.. I think soon or later it becomes Chic too… among young Indians as well.

Going anonymous for obvious reasons. Long answer, sorry about it. Here is my story, and what I have learned in my life so far.I am from a conservative family from village, with strict rules and disciplines. My family was from middle class background, but we had rich relatives, and we had to live in pretense most of the times. My father was an alcoholic, but never hurt us kids. I am the oldest of three daughters, and was put in boarding school at age 3. Though it was a co-ed school, they were very strict about boy-girl interaction. If you as much as glance at a boy, and the teacher/warden sees you, they would call out your name, and make embarrassing comments. So I don’t think I ever spoke to a boy, or even glanced at one until I was in college. I was a good daughter, a good girl, doing well in studies.After graduation, my parents started looking for a boy, but I wanted to study more, have a career, and do something in life. My grandmother gave me 1000 rupees, and despite all protests, I managed to come to Bangalore, and look for a job. 2001 was not good economically. There weren’t jobs. Though I was going to dozens of interviews, I couldn’t get a job. I stayed with a friend for a while, skipped meals, and walked instead of taking bus/auto. I couldn’t go back home because everyone were expecting me to fail. One of my rich relative had said, that I could work as a servant in her farm if I wanted a job so badly, and I had taken it up as a challenge. I was too proud then. When I was almost giving up, exhausted with less than 100 rupees in my purse, I managed to get a job as a sales executive in a branded watch shop, run by a family, who were kind and affectionate. They were impressed by my sincerity and hard work, I took out an advance, and got into a hostel.I started working, supporting myself, and even though my salary was very less (I earned about 3500), I managed to save some money to buy sarees for mom, shirts for dad, and even sent them some money now and then. I would skip my meals because it cost money, instead ate Parle G biscuits. I loved my family, and wanted to provide for them.During this time, there came a boy, who was working as a marketing executive for a land developer in the same building. My shop was on first floor, right opposite lift, and his office was on 6th floor. I don’t exactly remember how it all started, maybe he saw me from the lift or something, but he pursued me incessantly, smiling every time I passed by, trying to talk to me, calling the shop and asking for me, sending me flowers, …. Given how shy and scared of boys I was, I would literally run away the moment I saw him. Moreover, everyone, from my boss to office boys to others in the buildings were concerned and protective of me. I will spare the details of how he chased me for weeks, but I finally agreed to have a coffee with him. That evening as I sat in front of the first boy I ever spoke to, listening to him, I felt something happening to me, my skin was tingling, my heart beat racing, I was sweating, but I was also smiling, blushing and giggling. I felt happy. I fell in love. And how we fell in love!He wanted to be a builder, he had plans, and I knew he would make it big someday. He bought me a mobile phone, and we spoke every night. I missed him in the day time when he was at work, and kept looking at lift to see if he was there. We went out every Sunday. We didn’t have a lot of money to spend. We ate roadside pani puri, we went window shopping… We would go for long walks in quiet neighborhood, We would visit parks, sit in the bench looking at children play, and when there were no children, he would ask me to sit in the swing and gently push…. And we kissed. We kissed a lot. He was a good kisser, and it was good. It was difficult those days to find privacy, if people saw a couple, they stared. But somehow we managed to kiss a lot. .. And he would tell me stories from Tamil movies, some of these movies were sad, and I would cry, but I wanted to listen more, his voice was so soothing, and I would rest my head on his shoulders. There was something comforting in that. I was truly content and happy.Later on, I got a BPO job, and worked there for about a year. Meanwhile, I went home a few times for ‘girl seeing ritual’ my mother tried to fix me up with, and rejected them with some excuse. My bf knew this, we laughed every time, and he told me to keep it going, until his career would kick start, and we could get married. We made plans for our future, and we dreamed. He had started taking his aspirations seriously, and was now trying to get someone to finance his projects. We both would go and meet several people; some were architects, some were lawyers, some were financiers, but no one was willing to give us a chance... I didn’t know much about his business, but I went along with him anyway.In 2004 my sister completed her B.E., got a job in Bangalore, and came to live in my hostel. she was one and a half years younger to me, was in relationship with a guy from same caste, and my parents did not object. However, this boy wanted to marry her immediately, but she couldn’t marry until I was married. So she started pressurizing my parents to get me married. When she saw me with my bf, she was very angry, started fighting with me, demanding me to put an end to it immediately. She found fault with everything, he was a Tamilian (those days Kannadigas and Tamilians were at loggerheads over Cauvery water), his caste was different, he was poor, How will you face rich relatives?... they will humiliate our mother, our mother will commit suicide, our father will assault our mother because of your actions, no one would marry the sisters, you are selfish…. She threatened to tell my parents, I was scared because I had been a good daughter until now. And I let it affect me, I became anxious, worried, and started to fight with my bf over trivial issues. My sister’s constant bickering, and fighting got to a point, where I could take it no more, and I agreed to break up with the love of my life. We were in our regular park, sitting, looking at kids playing. We were quiet for a while, and I suddenly said that I couldn’t continue, I was going to marry whoever my parents chose for me, I couldn’t hurt them. He was upset, his face fallen, he had tears in his eyes. Maybe he had seen it coming. He asked me if I would be happy. I said I would be happy if my parents would be happy. “Will you be able to love him?”, he asked. “What’s there to love? I have lived in boarding school all my life, it will be same” I said. He didn’t say anything, after a long pause, he told me to leave. I got up, and walked back to hostel, I didn’t look back, I didn’t want to see the pain I caused. I don’t know how long he sat there, but that’s the last I saw of him, spoke to him or heard of him. At least for a long long time. How I wish I could turn back time, and go back to that single moment in park, where I could change the course my life had taken.I don’t know how that week passed. I was numb, I felt nothing. I felt relieved because my sister stopped fighting. She was constantly around me, taking me for dinners, shopping, praising me for the right thing I had done. My mind was clouded , and I don’t know why I let her take control of my life. Around that time, a proposal came. A man living in gulf, had come for a short holiday, and wanted to marry. I went for interview, but for some reason I cannot explain, I took an instant dislike to him. He was too old for me, and not at all good looking. He was rude, I felt a chill run up my spine, and I remember shuddering and saying to myself, “God, no, please, anyone but him….”. After the interview, I pointed out age difference, and said that I didn’t want to quit my job or go to gulf country. By this time, I was missing my bf terribly, and wanted to call him and get back together. I had stayed that weekend with my mother’s side of the family, who had shown this proposal, and wanted to go back to hostel. These relatives were offended that I had rejected their proposal, and began taunting me, that I was lucky to get such man, I was ugly, no one would ever marry me or my sisters because my father was an alcoholic, I was selfish…. I was dismayed, and called my mother and cried, saying I didn’t want to marry this man. She reassured that she would take care of it, and I trusted her. Two days later, out of the blue, my cousins started calling to congratulate me on my engagement. I was confused at first, I didn’t know what was going on. Then I realized what had happened, and I was dazed. I don’t remember how that week passed or events that followed, everything feels like a blur now. I was taken home, there was a lot of rituals to do, there was shopping, guests coming home, and I was never alone for a moment. A week later it was the wedding day. I vividly remember waking up in the morning with panic, I was sobbing that I didn’t want to marry. My mother hugged me, and said soothingly, “It will be okay, I promise, do it for me, please….” And I nodded and got dressed. And before long I was married, and moved to live in gulf. Everything happened so fast, that my memory for those two weeks are hazy, and I cannot recall why I went through with it, why I didn’t do anything, why I didn’t run away….Life after marriage was like going through a punishment wheel. I did not want to sleep with my husband because I wanted time to adjust. I had seen him only twice before marriage - once for interview, second time he had come to give a sari as a ritual, and I felt an aversion towards him. On the first night, while I was asleep, he forced himself on me in the middle of the night. This was my first experience at sex, I didn’t understand what was happening, should I put up a fight? what was I supposed to do? he was my husband, was he allowed to do this? I didn’t want it... This man, my husband, did not kiss, or hug, he would just get on me, remove my undergarments and have sex. I wasn’t understanding why sex was so painful. Moreover, this man had bad breath, his body smelled fowl, and I had to turn my head far away from his face to avoid his heavy breathing. I clenched my fist, bit my lips, and waited for it to be over, after which he rolled over to snore, and I would curl, hug my knees and cry. I remembered child rape incidents, and wondered if it hurt so much for me, how painful it would be for little children, and I would weep, both for such children and for myself. These were the most agonizing moments of my life, and it was to be like this for a long long time. I must have cried myself to sleep every single night of the first year. During the day time I was all alone, a housewife, staring out the window of 4th floor apartment, I had no one to talk to and I knew no one. TV had only Arabic channel, because according to my husband, if he installed Indian channels, then I would not do any work in the house. I spent my time cooking, cleaning, but he wasn’t satisfied. There was always something to complain about and scold. The food was too hot, or not hot enough, or does not have enough salt, why hadn’t I cleaned the fridge? The shelf was dusty. What was I doing the whole day? There was a constant comparison with his relatives, about how good they were, and how I should learn from them. He kept telling me that I was not a college girl, I was a married woman and had to be mature, my behavior was not right, I was childish, I should not wear jeans, or sleeveless, ... We never went out, to movies, or dinners, we hardly spoke. He didn’t like shopping, in the first year I think I shopped for cloths only once, from a cheap store, for which he was irritated and said I was spending too much. Every evening, after he came home, he saw some sports channel, ate dinner, and slept without a word. He wanted sex at 3 or 4 in the morning when I was asleep, and, I stopped protesting and let him do what he wanted…I won’t even go to the details about how his family treated me. I contemplated suicide, but was worried about my mother and my sisters. Slowly I was beginning to change. I was this quiet, easy going, cheerful happy person, but now, I was getting irritable, if he scolded me, I got angry and answered back, and it ended up in fights. There was also a lot of pressure from his and my family for a child. In the third year of marriage in 2007, I had a daughter. I thought having a child would change my life, and make me happy. I was overjoyed when my darling daughter was born, perhaps, the happiest I had been since marriage. Now, here was someone I could love, and who would love me back. But it didn’t stay like that for long. I succumbed to postpartum depression, and I became suicidal. My husband got scared that I would do something, and sent me to India. I spoke to my father, and enrolled in a college in 2009, and started studying. My mother and a maid helped me care for my baby, she was about two years then.Life after I started studying was peaceful. For one, I was relieved to be away from my husband, and to be living in India near to my parents. I had told him that I would return after I finish PG, but as years passed, I found it more and more difficult to go back, and found an excuse to stay back. After PG, I enrolled in a two year specialization course in 2011.Until this time, I was so caught up with everything that was going on in my life, that, even though I regularly thought of my ex boyfriend, I hadn’t really acknowledged that our lives had broken apart, and that it was all over. I don’t think that I understood the magnitude of our breakup. I hadn’t really mourned for him. Though there was Facebook, email and Orkut, I wasn’t savvy, my husband hadn’t provided me with internet, and I didn’t know what had happened to him.I distinctly remember that I was reading “20-20”, a novel by Chethan Bagath, when I began to have flashes of my ex, of our life together, of places we had visited, of things he had said, and a bridge of emotions broke inside me, and all the memories I had been repressing for years came flooding back to me, and I went into an agitated grief. It felt like I had broken up with him just yesterday. I was crying, restless, I couldn’t eat or sleep, there was a lump in my throat, and I understood what my breakup meant. Nothing could console me when I realized what I had done.So 8 years after I broke up with him, I searched frantically for my ex, found a website with his details. He was now an established builder,and was doing quite well. I was elated to see him on facebook. I didn’t feel the gap between us at all. When I saw his picture, I felt as if he was around me, as if I had seen him yesterday. I felt relieved to see him successful. I hadn’t destroyed this man. He had worked hard and found success, and I felt proud as if I had achieved it myself. I mustered up enough courage and mailed him. There was no reply. I found his office number, and called. His receptionist kept me on hold for a while, sounded apologetic, and said that he was not in office. I called several times and left messages, but he didn’t respond. I then started writing him mails, about how sorry I was for breaking up with him, how I missed him, and wanted to see him. After a dozen of such mails, I received a reply, although it was from his id, it was signed by his wife. It hadn’t occurred to me until this moment that he could’ve moved on. My thrill was short lived, the message was short, she did not have nice things to say to me, I was a characterless money monger, a liar, a cheat, who deserted him to marry a rich man… That's what he must have told her. Never in my life have I felt so broken.Mid 2013, I finished my specialization, my father expired unexpectedly around the same time, and I refused to go back to gulf to live with my husband. I found a job in Bangalore and moved in with my daughter. My relatives were curious about what I was doing, my husband was loosing patience, my mother was getting increasingly irritated with me, and was putting pressure on me to return. When I said, “I don’t want to go, I am not happy, I don’t like him”, she said, “who told you to marry him, you should have run away…” My sister hates me. My mother is ashamed of me. I had sacrificed my whole life for these people.It’s 2017 now, I have enrolled for PhD, and hope to finish it next year. I still undergo bouts of depression and crying spells. I look up my ex on Facebook now and then, his wife posts pictures. She is young, probably in mid twenties, very beautiful, they are happy and have two children. I find some comfort in that. My husband has clearly stated “Do what you want, I won’t give a divorce”. He wants to call a ‘panchayat’ meeting when I ask for divorce. I don’t have the energy to fight anymore. But those terrible days are behind me now. I have found some peace. His family does not trouble me much, they all have stopped talking to me. Good for me. My husband does not touch me or yell at me much. I feel sorry for him. In all this mess, his life is also destroyed. He is living alone in gulf, and I know he is lonely. But he is a coward, if only he could divorce me, he had a chance at second marriage with someone more suitable for him. I do feel sad for him. Apart from all bad things I may have said about him, there is some goodness in him. He has not physically assaulted me like some men do. He has helped my family financially when my dad died. He is a good father to my daughter, he provides well, and he has allowed me to study. Though my father funded my fees, he paid for my monthly house expenses. I am grateful to him, I feel guilty, but I cannot find it in me to forgive him or love him. I wish I could lead a normal life with him, but I cannot.So here I am. I suddenly realized I am 37 years old. I don’t know how the years have fled. I was busy with studies, earned a gold medal, and stood first in class, and I forgot to notice that I was growing older. I am at a stage where I can neither divorce, nor date. I look like I am 25-26, but not as pretty as I was when I was actually 25. Occasionally, some guys show interest, but the moment they realize I am with daughter, they run skitter. At times I am very lonely, and long for love and companionship. I had all the love I wanted, offered to me on silver plate, but I threw it away for family honor. I have forgotten what it feels to be kissed, or rest my head on a loved one’s shoulder. I don’t know what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I have nothing much to look forward to except raising my daughter, and making sure she has a good life.Here are the things I have learned:1. Do not consent to marry to please your parents. Parents who pressurize children to marry against their wishes are selfish and greedy. Don’t try to save their honor. Such parents don’t deserve your sacrifice.2. Marry for love. Love is not a sin. It is the only thing that matters. Never marry for money or success or family name, it will cease to be important, and will never make you happy in the long run. What actually matters is how well you gel.3. If you are not happy in marriage, divorce when you are young, when you still have a chance to try a second time. The longer you stay, the more difficult it is to get out. You don’t have to be the reason why India’s divorce rate is low.4. Education is very important, make sure you get a good career you can depend upon, and stand on your feet. Do not be financially dependent on anyone.5. Do not follow other’s advise, make your mistakes, at least they are your own. Do not care about the society or about “what they will think”. All those rich relatives you tried to impress will never ever stand by you. Just do what is best for you, and live for yourself.6. Nothing lasts forever. People change. Life goes on. Somewhere in my mind, I believed my love was forever. It was foolish to think my ex would forgive me or wait for me. He went ahead with life, found a nice girl, and had a love marriage. I am happy for him. But my idea of love is shattered.7. Nobody is going to save you. I think all these years, I thought someone will rescue me. Nobody did. You alone can help yourself.8. I have found more consolation, understanding and empathy from friends and strangers than my own family. So blood is not really thicker than water.9. During college days, I was judgmental of girls who dared to have boyfriends, and marry for love against their parent’s wishes. I now envy them. Never judge how others live their life just because you don’t understand life.10. Beauty lasts for few years only. I was once very pretty and proud of it. All that is going to go away. Everyone grows old and ugly. Be humble, make good friends.11. Live your life to full, years go by quickly, and one fine day you will realize you are old and didn’t do anything.EDIT 1……………………………………..Thank you all for warm response. We hear men's story about how their gf dumped them to marry someone else. No one follows up with what we really go through after marriage.For those who expressed hate and disgust. Thank you. I understand how angry you are with me for what I did. I too am not very pleased with myself, why should you be any different? I understand where you are coming from.This was my story, it was about me, my experience and my feelings. My exbf has a story too. A story where his gf left him, a story of heart break, struggle, and finally success and real love. My husband has his story as well. There's no right or wrong, just life and experiences.I have learned my lessons, and am still learning new ones.Edit 2……………………………………………..Thank you everyone for the upvotes and well wishes. I read through every single comment, and I feel encouraged. I think the reason I put out my story is because I wanted someone to know what happened to me, what I went through. I am trying to heal, and I thought speaking out about it will help me heal. I hope that it changes someone’s life. I hope every girl or boy in similar situation will know what to do. I ask parents to think through what they are asking of their children - a lifetime of misery. What is life if not to be lived?Thank you all for taking time to read. God bless.