Social Skills Checklist: Fill & Download for Free

I often use checklists to achieve my goal to create the attitude that can see opportunity in every difficulty (like closing a sale :)- .After college, I spent almost 2 years training as a naval aviator. An important element of that training was the use of checklists in the learning and refresher process. Checklist utilization remains an important part of my business life. It is always a good idea to have a helpful checklist for reminders of improvements for your business or your personal life.I keep a stack of 10 or so checklists that I rotate and update occasionally. I pull out one checklist to read and contemplate for five minutes as a way to start each day. I find it puts my thinking in the right frame of mind.Here is one checklist example on simple reminders to improve the odds of success that I believe answers your question very well.Smiles … matterSharing … is caringImagination and curiosity … are your best assetsStrangers … are friends in waitingPlay … is the workThings to watch out for: Body Language Mistakes ... 19 You Must Avoid NowYou … are the master of your destinyMake you … and the team matterCommunity … over audiencesBe … nothing less than remarkableDefeat … your doubtsNote that each statement is very short and simple. The entire list can be read a couple of times in less than 5 minutes. That is important, as it gives you a few minutes to contemplate what you are reading.Mike Schoultz is the founder of Digital Spark Marketing, a digital marketing and customer service agency. With 40 years of business experience, he writes about topics that relate to improving the performance of business. Go to Amazon to obtain a copy of his latest book, Exploring New Age Marketing. It focuses on using the best examples to teach new age marketing … lots to learn. Find them on G+, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

EDIT: Despite this being the most upvoted answer, I don’t believe my original response was adequate. The question I answered was “What would an INTJ with high EQ look like to other people?” (i.e. what type might he/she be mistaken for), and so I settled for observable traits. The intent was to show that healthy INTJs don’t conform to the stereotype of brooding, socially awkward misfit, and this seemed to resonate with many of you. I presented Littlefinger (Game of Thrones) as such an example because I focused too much on presentation and social skills, and while an INTJ with high EQ may look like Littlefinger to casual observers, Littlefinger is NOT an INTJ with high EQ. I will leave the original answer untouched, but will add an addendum at the bottom for those interested.ORIGINAL ANSWER:I don’t know any INTJs in real life, so I’ll not-so-humbly reference my own experience to answer this question.Unlike IQ, where we can all point to a scale and know what a certain score means, EQ doesn’t benefit from a universally agreed upon definition. Regardless, my Te compels me to reference some sort of benchmark, so I’ll refer to Daniel Goleman’s definition of emotional intelligence as put forth in his seminal book on the subject. In it, he outlines the following five components:Self-awarenessSelf-regulationMotivationEmpathySocial skillsFor more detailed descriptions of the above criteria, I suggest the following article, which provides a helpful summary: What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?According to Goleman’s definition, I meet the criteria of an INTJ with high EQ. Checklist aside, I can naturally identify my emotional state and even others’ with such nuance and accuracy that some have told me they’ve felt I could read their minds (or some variation of that). Little do they know that I’m actually a Legilimens…Despite this ability to “read” people and even understand their motivations, it’s still a detached process for me. I can identify and describe what people are feeling and why, but I can’t naturally put myself in their shoes and feel what they’re feeling. This can lead to me being dismissive of people’s behavior that I consider irrational. I’m self-aware enough to know that this is a blind spot for me. I understand that no matter how irrational a person’s behavior is to me, from their perspective it “makes sense” somehow - so I do acknowledge this - but even so, I find myself impatient and intolerant of such behavior. Technically, I may be right (i.e. “rational”), but what good is that when (as one ENFP friend likes to remind me) the world is ruled by emotions?So, while I’m proficient in self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, and social skills, there is definitely much room for improvement when it comes to empathy. I could theoretically tend to people’s feelings since I’m capable of identifying how they’re doing, and I often know the proper response to make them feel better….I just don’t much care to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (for most people at least). As a result, I’ve been accused of being blunt, insensitive, and lacking tact. Still, progress, not perfection…and four out of five ain’t bad, right?By this point, I’ve provided a definition for EQ (Daniel Goleman’s) and put myself forth as an example of INTJ with high EQ. So, now to finally answer the question of “what does an INTJ with high EQ look like” …in my view, it’s either ENTP or ENFJ. For those that only understand preferences, usually it’s ENTP, while those that understand cognitive functions would likely type me as ENFJ. In each case, social skills frequently get mistaken for extraversion (namely, extraverted feeling). So what might this INTJ look like? I present Exhibit A below.Now, technically, going by Goleman’s list of criteria, Littlefinger doesn’t actually check all the boxes since he lacks empathy, as well as trustworthiness and conscientiousness within the “self-regulation” category. But checklist aside, it’s evident that the character has an ability to communicate with people in terms they respond to, which allows him to influence, persuade, and manipulate them. He has the EQ ability, but he chooses to use it to “fuck” people, by his own admission. Putting aside our bias and knowledge of the character, if we met someone like Petyr Baelish in real life, I believe most of us would think he was charismatic and emotionally intelligent upon the first meeting. So, while high EQ is usually a sign of a mature and healthy individual, it’s not necessarily the case.I began this post by saying that I haven’t met another INTJ in real life, but it’s quite possible that I may have dealt with other high EQ INTJs that have come across as ENFJs. After all, I know first-hand how we can blend in and even stand out in the social arena. It’s analogous to Palpatine going undetected as a Sith Lord while in the presence of the Jedi (“The dark side of introverted intuition is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be…unnatural”). Behold:INTJ while socializing (a surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one):INTJ while alone:Despite the above reference to duplicitous, manipulative characters (for entertainment purposes only), there’s nothing inauthentic about INTJs with high EQ…they’re simply mature enough to realize the value of working out their social muscles.So, quite contrary to the stereotype of the socially awkward, stone-faced loner, high EQ INTJs can actually come across as warm, gregarious, and “extraverted” in most environments. As a case in point, I work at a large financial services company on Wall Street, and I’ve been called “The Mayor” because I seem to know everyone, and it seems like everyone knows me. At work, I can engage in some measure of small talk and banter. At cocktail hours or networking receptions, I can rub elbows with the best of them. None of it is fake…there is no “act”; I just play to my strengths. The ability to have deep, engaging conversations is critical to building relationships, and I can do this naturally. That said, I still have to be strategic about expending my social energy since it is limited. After prolonged socialization, I feel myself transitioning from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde, and in the instances where my social battery drops to <20% and becomes red, it becomes readily apparent to others that I am indeed an introvert. I then feel drained and irritable, and usually resort to the Irish Goodbye. Below is a picture of what I look like after protracted socialization:So, in conclusion, an INTJ with high EQ looks like a “normal” socially capable person and doesn’t conform to the cold, antisocial stereotype…not on the outside at least.ADDENDUM:Thanks to the pandemic-induced new normal of working from home, I’ve been binge-watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, and while I had my initial suspicions about the main characters’ personality types, I waited till I watched enough seasons to be sure, and USS Enterprise Captain Jean-Luc Picard is definitely an INTJ, and the only example of a healthy self-actualized one that I’ve been able to find in fiction.While there are other examples of INTJ “good guys”, such as Batman and Dr. House, they’re not exactly healthy or self-actualized. My purpose in amending this answer, despite making it longer and clunkier, was to provide a better model of behavior to aspire to and draw inspiration from (since these are in short supply for INTJs). I know it’s infantile, but if striving for certain ideals (even if exemplified by fictional characters) makes us better, then it has a practical benefit. For any Trekkies out there, I recommend reading this great analysis of the character, according to the cognitive functions: INTJ: Jean-Luc Picard, “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

A2A: I’s hard to make a simple rank-ordered list here because these factors combine in complicated, non-linear ways. So let me just say what we end up discussing in our faculty-hiring process in various departments in CMU SCS. Perhaps that will give you some idea about what you should work on.First, someone has to notice you. If you are a student of a well-known prof at another university — someone we know or know of, and who is well-regarded for research and for producing good students — or a protegé of someone comparable in industry, a strong introduction or recommendation from that person will certainly put you on our radar. A thesis or publication that gets some “buzz” from the community — awards or just interest — is also very powerful.It’s harder, but not impossible, to get an interview if you just send us a faculty application and, upon digging through the materials you send, we are impressed with what we see.Second, the most important factor in the actual hiring is the quality of your research (so far), and what it says about the likely trajectory of your future research career. At the better schools, it takes some real accomplishment — not just that you look promising. Ideally, you will already be functioning as an excellent, exciting researcher, and we won’t have to wonder about that.We’re looking for creativity, taste in choosing problems, knowledge, breadth, skill in choosing and executing an approach, good results, and good analysis. We’re looking for work that is not a dead-end — ideally, work that changes the game and opens up many possibilities for additional research. Bonus points if your work is in a hot area. MANY bonus points if it creates a new area or fundamentally new approach that looks exciting to us.(I should say that in these discussions, people may be impressed by the number of publications you have in good venues. (In CS, that’s more likely to be in top conferences than in journals.) But in the end we generally trust our own collective judgment of your research over that of anonymous — and often uninterested — conference and journal referees. One excellent, exciting paper counts far more than ten mediocre ones.)Third, your communication and teaching skills are extremely important. That’s obviously true if you are applying for a teaching/tenure-track position, but it’s also very important for purely research positions. Your work will have far more impact if you can explain it well, orally and in writing. It’s surprising how many candidates look exciting based on the credentials and accomplishments, but blow the job-talk (including the Q&A).Fourth, at least some minimal level of social skill is essential. We’re hiring a future colleague, a potential collaborator for some of us, a contributor to our collective reputation, someone who will spend many years influencing the mood and morale of our department. Ideally, many of the people we hire will one day become leaders in our university and in our field, and not just in a purely intellectual sense. So leadership skills matter too.A few brilliant hermits or curmudgeons can be tolerated, but mostly we want good colleagues: people who are fun to work with; people that we are happy to run into in the hallway; people who add energy to the room rather than sucking it out; people who say interesting, maybe funny, and sometimes crazy things that make us stop and think; people who solve problems rather than creating them.When faculty candidates come to interview for a position, they usually have individual meeting with most of the current faculty. Usually a short in-person meeting is enough time to get a good sense of their character and social skills.So that’s pretty much the checklist I use, and most of my colleagues seem to have a similar list, based on what topics dominate our hiring discussions. Other universities will have different criteria — perhaps putting more emphasis on publication counts and less on social skills, for example. This variety is good for the job-seekers. Some people fit the culture in one department and not another.