Illinois Dnr: Fill & Download for Free

A lake in Iowa or Illinois is a pond in MN ... they're also ponds in MI. MN claims 10,000 lakes (nice round number), but the DNR states there are over 11,000 bodies of water over 10 acres. MI has around 7,000 that size. MN has over 20,000, bodies of water over 2.5 acres, but Minnesotans won't call anything under ten acres a lake, and if you try you're in for an argument. On the other hand, only Alaska has more miles of shoreline than MI. WI claims over 15,000 "documented" lakes, but that includes anything an acre or more. Essentially, if three guys relieve themselves in the local pub's parking lot, another 'Sconnie will start building a dock.

No -- different states have different methods of tracking (or not) the distribution of DNR (or, more accurately CPR directive) forms, and not all of them are controlled. For instance, Colorado and Illinois both (and likely many other states) have CPR directive forms on their state department of public health websites, downloadable by anyone. Other states control the distribution of forms only to licensed providers, but do not necessarily track their utilization. Thus there really is no way to know the number of completed forms nationally or for most states on the state level either.Note to Ellen: Illinois has a complete complement of advance directives, including an out-of-hospital DNR, intended to specify preferences for healthcare when the person cannot speak for themselves. See this page on the Illinois Department of Health website: STATEMENT OF ILLINOIS LAW

During the research I conducted to answer a similar question about Andre the Giant versus a Lion, I emailed an old professor and professional mentor of mine. Quick disclaimer- the focus of his interest in animal-human combat focuses on prurient themes hard-wired into our DNA. By his reckoning, these ancient primal conflicts are bubbling just below the surface of our every interaction with the animal kingdom and ready to burst forth at any moment. These are ancient themes and struggles that echo through the canyons of time.I want to share an excerpt from our discussions. Keep in mind that this guy has a ton of multidisciplinary credibility and is a foremost scholar on bloodsports and arena combat. It’s not easy to come by, but I recommend reading his dissertation. It was adapted into a self-published book titled: ”Watchword: Buggery”.“It was a spectacle to behold. One of our collective fears(although unarticulated ) is the very real threat that when a human fights a beast from the wild, the risk of sodomy is always near. For the 14,000 in attendance, witnessing the sexual humiliation of Andre the Giant, an archetype of masculine ardor, at the hands of a gorilla beneath the stadium lights was dour scene indeed.”Is there any outcome that does not end with Andre mortally injured or the much more likely scenario where he is compelled to present his hindquarters in the universal sign of submission?Is it just a matter of swapping a lion for a gorilla in an unequal struggle that always ends with Mr. Roussimoff getting buggered by a wild beast while a rabid crowd roars in approval? Or does Andre have a better chance against another primate rather than big cat.Vintage Andre?A most important consideration is Andre’s age. Are we talking mid-1980s Andre? At that point his body was breaking down and producing less testosterone, a hormone that provokes perpetual tumescence in rival primates.A decrepit Andre would emit a far lower level of testosterone pheromones and as a result would have to deal with a less agitated gorilla. Mr. Roussimoff, if not the cheering throngs, would surely appreciate a docile gorilla that is less likely to engage in lewd and comedic hijinks at his expense.The crowd may thirst and yearn for Andre’s defeat and humiliation, but the silverback is not a particularly lascivious animal, unlike the always randy pony, which would not hesitate to mount the aging warrior.But there is no avoiding the fact Andre the Giant was unsteady and nearly immobile. Unless he is somewhere accessible by mini-wrestling ring cart, the fight will never happen. Side note: when he went to WCW and lost access to his motorized wrestling ring cart, the poor man was forced to use crutches. Never underestimate how crucial these carts were to Andre’s mobility and ring craft.The weakened 1980s Andre was in tremendous pain and intoxicated. Unless he could loop his singlet strap around the gorilla and choke, or trick the gorilla into running into his size 24 boot, while Andre braced himself in corner, The Giant has no chance. It is much easier to see Andre falling backwards and getting his arms trapped in vines.A gorilla would be immune to his feared head butt, greatly reducing the number of offensive moves at his disposal. He could always “Squeeze and Squeeze and Squeeze” with a flagrant choke, but the gorilla has strong enough neck muscles to resist strangulation.The Perils of YouthA young Andre the Giant was much more agile and had superior musculature. But does this improve his odds of victory? Or is the peril of public humiliation heightened because a youthful Andre is a potential sexual rival?The gorilla would always be stronger and faster. Even at the height of his powers, Andre would not be a threat to a gorilla. The male silverback would continue to have unfettered access to any species of hominid female in full estrus. A gorilla simply has no reason to attack The Boss, no matter his age. Andre lacks the virility and endowment to be viewed as a sexual rival by a silverback gorilla.Crouch and MoveAndre’s biggest concern would be that he has few ways of hurting a gorilla and would need to focus his attacks in a way that minimizes the odds that the gorilla will become aroused, a tremendous and perpetual danger.In fantasy battles, the opening gambit for Andre is always “The Barge”, his finisher from the NES Wrestlemania video game (Acclaim- Masters of the Game).I would recommend a different course of action. He should instead impose his superior will on the gorilla by opening with a flurry of piston punches to the solar plexus. A quick tearing of the gorillas corneas, and he could start to wear down the the groin area- for obvious reasons- with focused grabs, knees and strikes.One advantage the gorilla has is it’s ability to crouch for prolonged periods of time while eating plants. I would enroll Andre in calisthenics in order to increase his stamina and striking ability when crouching and squatting.Biggest Threat to AndreA Bear hug on the gorilla is not recommended under any circumstances. As my professor explained, “A gorilla’s daily routine places a heavy emphasis on crouching, eating plants and solitary onanism. But this can quickly escalate into potent aggression when a gorilla comes into contact with human pheromones.”“Andre would need to keep skin to skin contact to a minimum or risk the inevitable spectacle of sexual humiliation. The audience is eagerly anticipating such a scene and is there to witness full consummation.”But this is not in Andre’s best interest. He wants to fight a more placid foe. A defensive gorilla will resist his attacks, but I daresay an aroused gorilla would seize the offensive and demonstrate his superior potency in short order.”“I am not saying that a gorilla would morph into a horse, the ultimate example of sexual potency, but a tumescent male gorilla would be compelled to exert his dominance.”Post-ScriptAlthough I don’t agree with everything my mentor says on the subject, and have not accepted all aspects of his overarching theories on buggery (Nor his insistence about its frequency and inevitability). I was fascinated by his final thoughts on “man vs. beast” clashes. It is impossible to dispute the veracity of his research, even if you are alarmed by his sweeping, and academically defensible thesis: The only way to fend off an animal attack is presenting your hindquarters in submission.“As an academic I’d be remiss to not mention that Andre the Giant, or any similar embodiment of masculine physicality and ardor, being forced to submit his ample buttocks in submission to a wild beast is not a sight that humanity writ large is emotionally equipped to reconcile.The reason the symbolism and tone of children’s fables and the parables of the Bible singularly deal with animal on man sodomy is precisely because it is such an imminent threat.As a matter of course, I spoke with Eric Schmidt, Executive Director of Illinois DNR on the risks of man vs beast athletic contests. “I won’t speak on gorillas or lions, but I will remind you, the number one threat of suburban coyotes, foxes, and even marmots, is that they sodomize the young and the elderly at an alarming rate. It is THE preeminent health threat facing our state.”