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My Son’s dad doesn’t think he should pay child support because we both have good paying jobs? He has no other contact with his child. How would you respond?If you are in the US, go to your local child support agency and require them to get the ball rolling regarding your child support. You will need to complete the necessary paperwork, etc., but it’s usual stuff that we all fill out. The child support agency will work with the courts and an order for child support will be handed down. You are not obligated to speak to the ex on any of these matters. The CS agency and courts do the legal work.You are not required to answer to your son’s father. If he has questions regarding his support obligations, he should contact your local child support agency and inquire of them what the procedure is regarding his child support payments. He may ask for a modification if there are substantial differences in income from when the child support was last reviewed. (Child support agencies work with BOTH parents, and they are required to handle both sides. This is why you don’t need to deal with the ex. They do it for you.)However, the child support agency may decline to review his request if he has no evidence of such changes.His contact with the child is unimportant as far as the child support goes. Child support and child visitation are TWO SEPARATE items—one does not necessarily interact with/preclude the other. The court may or may have already ordered some sort of visitation; you will need to comply with those orders.How would I respond? If I were feeling generous, I would hand him the phone number of the child support agency and tell him to take it up with them. Nothing more. Actually, I’d probably do nothing. I wouldn’t owe him the time of day. It’s his problem, not mine.(If the child support agency requests information from you, you must comply, but you can be sure to stipulate that your private information is to remain private. It’s not for the ex’s consumption, or anyone else’s. You have a right to privacy. That should go without saying, but sometimes, it is best said.)(I worked for the state’s child support agency for 20 years. Most states have the same sorts of rules across the board. They use a formula to calculate child support obligations, too. It’s basically the same everywhere, with few alterations.)

Is it really true that the child support award leaves you literally with $6 per month? Let me explain why I ask.In Utah, where I practice, we have statutory child support guidelines. I’ll show you how child support would be calculated using those guidelines:So the point is to ensure that the the parent paying child support follows a standard, a standard that is intended to ensure that the parent pays enough child support to provide for the children financially while also ensuring that the payor parent also has enough money to live on as well. Obviously, child support that “kills the goose that lays the golden eggs” ultimately hurts a child.It’s hard to find a clearly written policy in the Utah Code that limits how much of a payor parent’s income can be taken to pay child support, but it appears to be 50%. See Utah Code Section 78B-12-211. (Limitation on amount of support ordered):78B-12-211. Limitation on amount of support ordered.(1) There is no maximum limit on the base child support award that may be ordered using the base combined child support obligation table, using the low income table, or awarding medical expenses except under Subsection (2).(2) If amounts under either table as provided in Part 3, Tables, in combination with the award of medical expenses exceeds 50% of the obligor's adjusted gross income, or by adding the child care costs, total child support would exceed 50% of the obligor's adjusted gross income, the presumption under Section 78B-12-215 is rebutted.If you truly only have $6 remaining after child support is withheld from your pay check, and if you can verifiably document this, I cannot imagine that there isn’t a way provided in your jurisdiction’s law to obtain relief from such a crushing and unsustainable child support award. Speak to an experienced divorce and family law attorney. There is hope. Best wishes.

I am supposed to get $600 a month from my ex. But she has never paid a cent, despite being ordered to do so. She currently owes over $25,000 in back due support. I received sole custody of both of my children when my son was 15 months old and my daughter was 3 days old. That’s DAYS old. I am one of the rare breed of father that can say that. My son will be 5 in January and my daughter is 3.5 now. She sees them maybe once every 3–4 months for a few hours, and it’s always supervised, and she has missed several of those. She is a complete deadbeat and I can say with complete sincerity that she does not care about the kids.Now she is a compulsive liar and cheat and drug addict and she has more than once complained about the child support. Currently she has a warrant for her arrest for non-payment and for the most part she stays hidden. I don’t know where she is or how to contact her and the only times I hear from her is when I receive a random phone call from some unknown number and it’s her. It has been this way for years.Now, when we were in court and finalizing the divorce (we were married when my daughter was born, and please don’t ask about the situation that resulted in me getting sole custody as it’s very personal and not something I discuss anymore) she was ordered to find a job and pay $600 a month in child support.She has bitched and bitched about it. Every single time I talk to her she has some excuse as to why she doesn’t have a job and how it’s completely unfair that she should have to pay anything for kids she doesn’t even see and that the courts won’t let her see without supervision.So let me break it down for you. These are my expenses.I spend about $1,100 a month for a babysitter as I work an odd shift. So her “half” would be $550.I spend about $600 a month on food. I’ll be pretty liberal with this and say that about $250 is for me, and $350 is for them, so her half would be $175. We don’t eat out and we don’t order in. Too expensive.I spend approximately $30/ month on diapers and wipes now because I only need them at night when they sleep. It used to be considerably more. So her half NOW would be $15Last year I spent approximately $1200 on clothes, coats, shoes and wearables for them both. That’s about $100/ month, her half is $50.Now my kids each have their own room in my house, and my mortgage/ insurance/ taxes is about $1500 a month. For this I have taken the average price of a one bedroom apartment in my area and that is $780 a month. The average rent for a 2 bedroom is $900 and for a 3 bedroom is $1100. So since I have two kids, that means I would need a 3 bedroom. So that is a $320 difference and her half would be $160.Last year I spent a little over $1800 on doctor’s visits, medications, etc and another $6200 on insurance for them. She has been ordered to pay for their insurance but has yet to do so. That amount has been figured into her current amount. Let’s assume that her “half” should be around $350/ month.None of this takes into consideration other random expenses either. So adding it all up (550+175+15+50+160+350) it comes to $1300. Of which she has been ordered to pay $600. That's not even one quarter of what it actually costs to provide for then. For the record, she was only ordered to pay because she pretty much went crazy in court and ticked off the Judge and he “imputed” her income. (She said, flat out, “I refuse to work just to pay child support, and I won’t get a job so you can’t make me pay it!”. Hahaha. The Judge disagreed. Now she has warrants).Now there is another cost that needs to be considered. For the last 3.5 years she has been to concerts, parties, road trips, gotten high as she can on drugs, has went to Vegas at least twice (all of this is paid for by her random boyfriends, she goes through about 6–10 a year) and god knows what else because this is only what I know about.You know what I have done? Not a dang thing. I haven’t even been on a date. Why? Because if I’m not at work I am with my kids. Period. Babysitters cost money and I can’t afford to do anything anyway. I have absolutely zero social life. I have no free time. I never get to relax, and since I work odd hours I am constantly sleep deprived. My house is almost never as clean as I would like it to be, and if you let two toddlers go for more than 5 minutes without direct supervision they can make a mess like you wouldn’t believe. I seldom get a break. I have no family in the area that can help out. It’s just me and them. Do you even know how hard it is to go grocery store with two bouncing and hyper kids? If something breaks in my house (like three months ago when a tree fell on the back corner in a storm) it goes from an inconvenience to an outright disaster. You ever try to cut down a tree with a chainsaw while two toddlers are running around the yard? What happens when I get sick? I suck it up and keep being dad. Then there is the fact that my kids deserve better than just a worn-out Dad to raise them. There is no “value” on that because it’s impossible to calculate and it’s something I give for free because I love them. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t wear on you and I have no problem admitting I am burned out as a father.So I am sure you can imagine that when she complains about paying a measly $600 a month (and she doesn’t even pay it) or how unfair it is that I have absolutely zero interest or patience in hearing it.The truth is that I would absolutely LOVE to have shared or at least NCP custody and parenting time (NCP is non-custodial parent, meaning she would have them every other weekend and for a few weeks in the summer) because then I would get a dang break every now and then. The problem is that she couch surfs with her boyfriend or stays at the shelter when she is between them. She is constantly high and now she has warrants (one for CS the other for failure to appear on a meth charge) and she cannot be trusted with two little kids that don’t even know her.So my ultimate point is this. I have gone without many times so that my kids didn’t have to. I spend a fortune to keep them clothed, fed, warm, and safe. I exhaust myself to raise them and keep up with them. I put my life entirely on hold so that they can have the best life I can give them. That’s my job as their dad. So if she suddenly won the lotto or something and I got a check for her past balance ($25,000 or so) I would spend some on my kids for sure but I would absolutely spend it on myself too because my kids are already provided for.Don’t complain about your CS payment and just pay it. He may be in old clothes but at least he is with her and cared for. The other alternative is to take her to court and get custody. Maybe if you raised him by yourself for a few months you would realise that simply cutting a check for $740 every month is the very, very easy way out.EDIT: I was not expecting this to blow up quite the way it has (620 upvotes in less than 24 hours? Wow) so I wanted to add that I am not itemizing my children or trying to complain about my situation. The OP asked a question about how the child support his ex received from him was spent and I felt that a more exact financial report of the actual costs associated with it would better answer the question. That in no way means that I look at my children as a burden or as a cost. They are not. They are playful, loving, cherished kids (and sometimes hellions) who are loved by their father. I might be stressed and exhausted but they would never know it.SECOND EDIT:I am not at all looking for sympathy or recognition. As I said I was merely trying to point out some of the costs, financial and otherwise, involved with raising kids on your own. There is more to my story obviously but don't mistake my life here. I have two awesome kids. I have a newer truck. I have a nice house and nice things. My kids have good lives. I work my ass off to make that happen but I also spend a lot of time with my kids. If there is one thing I am supremely grateful for it’s that I don't have to work 80 hours a week to take care of us. There are two-parent families out there in much dire straights than me because both parents working 2 jobs each still can't make ends meet. As I have said I am not complaining at all about my life. It was unfortunate what happened to us but in nearly every other way we are very fortunate and I am extremely and eternally thankful that I was and am in a position where my children's quality of life is not diminished because of the situation. Basically it could be a lot worse.