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My son was born in November of 2010.When that spring rolled around, I went to do my taxes and when it came time for his social security number to be entered onto the form, I couldn’t find the paperwork.Odd, I thought. I keep all the important documents in one spot.A few days later, I made my way to the Social Security office. I was told there was no social security number on record for him. That I’d have to bring in his birth certificate.I went home. Searched through all my documents. Weird. No birth certificate.I called the Office of Vital Statistics. Turns out I didn’t have a birth certificate because they’d never sent me one. They had no record of him being born.Next, I called the hospital where I delivered. Asked to be transferred to the record room. Talked to the worker, who thought I was nuts when I asked if he could pull my file and see if the newborn paperwork had been filed.He told me nurses didn’t make mistakes like that.I called the Office of Vital Statistics again, tried to explain that I couldn’t get my hands on any of the information from the hospital and asked if there was anything else I could do.They said no.The next call was back to the hospital. At midnight. I asked if I could talk to Joyce in the maternity ward. She was my midnight nurse after I delivered and we had a meaningful conversation or two. I thought she may remember me.She did.I explained my situation. How the record room was no help. How the Office of Vital Statistics couldn’t do anything. How he still didn’t have a social security number. And I made a request. I know it sounds crazy, but could you please go pull my file and see if the paperwork is there?Sure, she said, Stay on the line. I’ll be right back. Three minutes later, she came back on the phone. It’s here! She said and I let out a huge sigh of relief. I’ll get it into the mailbox before I leave in the morning.If I could have hugged her through the phone, I would have. I gave her a million thanks.In three weeks, the birth certificate was sent to me. I then had to take it to the Social Security office and after waiting for nearly an hour, I walked up to the window with the baby on my hip. I presented his birth certificate and asked that he be issued a social security number and card.She told me she needed a second form of ID for him.I responded, But he’s only six months old.She said, I understand that, but I need a second form of ID.Do you wanna see my stretch marks? I asked, reaching for the hem of my shirt.That earned me a glare. No, she said, a shot record from his pediatrician will do.As others have stated, your child needs to be registered. It makes life easier. And gets you a tax cut.And if it’s not done in the traditional fashion, then it’s a huge pain in the ass to get it accomplished.Trust me on this one.

I came out of the shower at a truck stop once, to find that the cashier was being robbed at gunpoint.It was about two in the morning and the truck stop was otherwise dead.I very quietly sat my shower bag on the floor, ducked my way over to where the truck stop sold tools and found a tire-thumper. I then snuck up behind the robber and thumped him as hard as I could on his shoulder, right where his shoulder met his neck. He dropped like a sack of potatoes.The truck stop’s owner was so grateful, that he gave me a hundred dollar gift certificate to use in his store. He also gave me the tire-thumper, which is essentially a smaller version of a baseball bat, both as a thank-you for saving his store from being robbed, and likely his employee’s life, too.I was also thanked by the town’s sheriff (it was a small town in west Texas), and the local gazette took my picture. I was also given an honorable mention by the trucking company I worked for at the time.The robber was taken to hospital and then later, presumably, to jail. I’d walloped him a good one, later learning that I’d hit him so hard, that I’d broken his right collar bone, from hitting him from behind!

This summer around June, I got a call:Principal: Hi, how’s your summer going?Me: [Nervous laugh] Okay…Principal: So, we have 25 students signed up to take AP Computer Science.Me: Well isn’t that interesting.Principal: How would you like to teach AP Computer Science this year.Me: [Whimper] Sure… why not?I do not have a Computer Science degree, but this summer I did pick up my Computer Science certification. The two are not equivalent, but I wouldn’t scoff at my certification test.Would the students be better served by someone who has a Computer Science degree? Maybe. I teach better and program worse than your average programmer.But here’s the catch:Try to find a programmer to teach Computer Science.I’ll wait…Try to find an engineer to teach Engineering…Are you offering six figures?You can find specialists in their field to teach high school classes, but it’s rare.It turns out if you want teachers to have more credentials, you either have to pay them more, or resign yourself to unfilled positions.In other words, having me is better than not offering AP Computer Science.I should also point out, that a degree in the subject is often overkill for what you’ll be teaching. I don’t actually have a math degree.But I don’t need Differential Equations to teach Geometry.I don’t need Topology to teach Algebra.My Masters class in Wavelets was really cool, but I can’t say I’ve used any of it directly in my instruction.I agree that there are incompetent teachers who do not know their subject, but I don’t think a piece of paper is necessarily the solution. Perhaps more rigorous certification tests? Maybe a 1-year certification course for those outside the degree plan?But the tougher you make the process, the more you lessen the supply of teachers. And again, less supply means a higher salary or a shortage of qualified applicants.