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Heck yeah, its worth it -- the fame, the fortune, the women....haha, hope you know none of that is true.I've done several professional fitness model shoots and been in some of the mainstream magazines, and the pay is crap. From what I understand in the Y2K dating world (I wouldn't know, I'm married,) a few "C-Notes" go a lot further than a six-pack when trying to get laid. And fame? Unless you like Borat-style high-fives from the dude working out next to you at the gym, who always smells like beef and cheese (sometimes with a hint of onion), no one in the real world really cares about your six-pack.But I don't think that is really what you are asking. Deep down, whether we admit it or not, we all want to be in great shape with a year-round six pack, look great in a bikini or board shorts, etc. -- for personal vanity or ego reasons, or just because it actually is pretty awesome. That's like asking someone if they want to be rich. Of course they do.What you really want to know is do you have to turn your life upside down and/or be miserable all the time to do it?You've been falsely led to believe the process of getting ripped is a lot harder or more "extreme" than it actually is -- you have to give up your career, live in the gym, jump around like a cheerleader on an energy drink bender 7 days a week for the next 90 days, cook, Tupperware, and eat 8 meals a day (what busy professional has time for that),etc..Here's the truth. Most people have no frickin' clue how to get and STAY ripped, and this includes most "fitness professionals". How do I know? I've been in the field for over a decade. Sure, they might be able to help you improve performance, but training for "cosmetic/physique enhancement" goals is completely different than training for athletic performance. Why do you think so many gym trainers are just as flabby as the general population?You need to stop listening to the "scientists" who have no practical experience in the real world, the athlete who is genetically gifted and/or drug enhanced but has no clue about an informed process that can be duplicated by a real person in the real world, or the trainer who followed some extreme plan to get in shape that one time in his life for a photo for his website or Facebook page, but couldn't sustain that ill-advised plan indefinitely, rebounded and yo-yo'd, could never get back in shape on a more reasonable plan, and now says getting ripped is not worth it or unhealthy, etc.Just because most have no idea what they are doing doesn't mean its not possible.I'm going to admit, I'm too busy right now to make this a polished piece (only paid stuff gets the full editing treatment - haha). But I am passionate about this topic because I hear so many fitness people proclaim its not possible. So I'm just going to rant and fire off some bullets (bulletpoints) on this topic. Hopefully, you learn a thing or two along the way. Its better that way -- its authentic, uncensored, and uncut.I'm going to try to shatter some common industry myths and give you some practical advice.First off, I want you to know I at least somewhat know what I'm talking about regarding this topic. Here is a random, impromptu picture I posted on my Twitter account the other day in response to an email that said people can't be ripped year-round and fitness people don't look like the airbrushed photos on their websites.This photo is not photo-shopped, I have no tan on, I did not dehyrdrate or pump up, and I'm not training for anything specifically. I just took my shirt off and snapped it.I do not use performance enhancing drugs, I have the genetics of a Skinny-Fat Guy, but probably more interesting to you: I strength train 3 days a week, 4 at the most, for 40-45 minutes, I do absolutely no cardio (HIIT or low intensity) whatsoever, I eat 3 meals a day, breakfast is not the most important meal of the day for me (I eat a light protein-only breakfast), I eat the majority of my calories and carbs at night, I don't take any fat burning pills, etc.OK enough about me, which I know you care nothing about personally. You just want to know how I can help you get and stay ripped. Lets go.1. Exercise is relatively useless for fat loss, at least that's what the science and my years of anecdotal evidence has taught me. In research for a current project, I looked at dozens of studies and the summary is this: A) Diet accounts for the majority of people's fat loss. B) Exercise is ineffective for fat loss alone, without dietary change. C) Exercise added to a targeted diet plan is not that much more effective for fat loss than diet alone!2. What is exercise good for then? Its great for determining what type of weight you lose. The right exercise is EXCELLENT at preserving/building lean muscle mass while your diet takes care of fat loss. This is important because lean muscle is what provides your body with its shape, definition, and tone. Even a lean body with no muscle looks soft & flabby/skinny-fat, definitely not ripped.3. 1 & 2 above should be enough to teach you that you should use diet to attain the majority of your fat loss, and all of your exercise should be geared towards building or preserving muscle. So thinking of exercise in terms of "burning fat" is ineffective and inefficient, at least from a cosmetic perspective. Girls going to aerobics classes or living on cardio machines or guys doing "insane" or "high intensity" workouts in an attempt to "burn more fat" is misplaced effort (unless you play a sport and/or have specific performance goals). You should be putting that effort into improving your diet, and strength training to build and shape your body. You don't need 20 hours of cardio a week, or 2-a-day training sessions to get ripped (or to try and make up for a crappy diet -- doesn't work). You need 3-4 days of strength training and a solid fat loss diet. That is doable and realistic as a long term plan.4. What type of strength training should you be doing? That's where the debate begins, but that's a whole other debate for a whole other time. Since diet is the most important fat loss piece, lets get to that:5. Food choices will always be the most important step in the fat loss hierarchy. Why?It is virtually impossible to stay in the relative calorie deficit necessary for fat loss, at least for any meaningful length of time, if you are making poor food choices. You can't cut calories while eating crap and expect to stay the course.This is where point systems or other calorie counting diets fail. You're not going to be able to stay on a diet plan for long eating low calorie lasagna, fudge cake, or 100 calorie "snack packs". Fake foods like this are just empty calories with no functional nutrients. They have no effects on satiety orhormones that regulate appetite and energy intake. You will feel constantly hungry, deprived, and miserable dieting on these foods. In other words, you will constantly feel like you are DIEting. With this approach, getting ripped is not worth it.Eventually, you'll wake up next to a few empty doughnut boxes from an uncontrollable binge. As motivation declines, the time between these binges will get shorter and shorter. One day you'll come to realize that you are eating crap just about every day and have completely given up on your fat loss plan.That's why people yo-yo on and off these plans. They are not sustainable. And it's not because YOU went off the diet. It's because THE DIET was not sustainable in the first place. You've seen it happen with celebrities, you've probably seen it happen within your circle of friends, and maybe you've even experienced it for yourself. Points systems and calorie counting may work in the short term, but they rarely work for the long runWhile it takes incredible discipline to stay in a targeted calorie deficit with poor food choices (because refined foods have no effect on satiety and are so easy to overeat), it's not all that hard to do it when making good ones. It'seasier to stay "faithful" to your fat loss plan when it emphasizes real, whole, natural melons (or nuts), I mean food.:)As an experiment, I've had female clients struggle to net 1200 calories a day and male clients 2000 calories a day when they cut out all refined foods (including oils), and ate only lean proteins and vegetables (includingpotatoes and yams).You can remain in the calorie deficit necessary for fat loss, while still giving your body all of the essential nutrients and micronutrients it needs, indefinitely, IF you are emphasizing real foods. Which means you can maintain a year-round fit physique, low body fat percentage, look awesome, AND have great health and vitality. No more yo-yo'ing.It's not about weird, mysterious practices or get-ripped-quick schemes that are marketed to you. It's simply about eating more real food(A). Eat low calorie, nutrient dense, high satiety foods (lean proteins, vegetables, 1-2 pieces of whole fruit a day, and if you exercise (which you'll have to in order to get ripped) include some low sugar, gluten free starch foods like yams, potatoes, and rice. (B) Eliminate high calorie, nutrient poor/empty calorie, low satiety foods (refined & packaged foods, sugar, oils, etc.)6. Low carb diets work great for sedentary and diseased populations (obese, type II diabetic), to improve their health and lose weight. But it won't get you fitness model-style ripped.If you're sedentary, you should follow a Paleo-style diet 100%. Youractivity levels are zero, so your concentrated carbohydrate needs (starchand especially sugars) are minimal. You can get the carbs you need from vegetables and whole fruitsResearch implies that for obese and sedentary populations, a low-carb plan is the best approach to improve biomarkers of health, reduce insulin resistance, and lose weight.If it was around in caveman times, you can eat it. If it was not, you probably should avoid it. What about fish, chicken, and vegetables? Yes. What about pizza, doughnuts, subs, and chips? No.That is basically the Paleo approach in a nutshell: clear, concise, and straightforward enough, right? That's why I like it as a startingtemplate for most people that don't really give a hoot about fitness(unlike an obsessed dude like me). They don't have to worry about calorie calculators, macronutrient prescriptions, food logging, or any other higher-level methods.This helps many break addictions to sugar and refined foods, improves eatinghabits, removes allergenic foods and "anti-nutrients", improvesinsulin sensitivity, helps overweight people lose a ton of fat, etc.But rarely is it enough to get someone ripped -- that's a whole other ballgame with a whole other set of rules. That requires some serious strength training, and regular strength training requires modifications to a 100% Paleo Diet because exercise changes your internal physiology for up to 48 hours. If you train 3 days a week or more, you are in an altered physiological state ALL THE TIME.7. Athletes and regular strength trainers following the low carb trends is a mistake. I don't care what some out of shape researcher sitting in his office smoking a tobacco pipe says. What works on the chalkboard is different than what works in the real world. Its like in your entrepreneurial world -- you can either listen to the MBA student theorizing about stuff, or the dude who has actually built businesses in the real world.You'll never convince me that an obese, insulin resistant, sedentary, officeworker who just wants to be able to see his wee-wee again should be eatingthe same thing as a ripped, insulin sensitive, athletic, Alpha Male tryingto reach peak athletic or physical conditioning, and can't even keep hiswee-wee in his pants for more than 5 minutes.You'll never convince me that an overweight, Bon-Bon-eating woman who's been kicking back on the couch for the last 5 years should be eating the exact same thing as a bikini babe who's been kicking booty in the gym, strength training on a regular basis.Not all of us want to have the energy of a slug, the personality of a snail,the cravings of a vampire, the brainpower of a zombie, or the libido of a corpse just to get in shape. That may be fine if being a meathead or diva is your full-time profession, but it certainly won't cut it in the competitive business world.Modern carb confusion stems from the fact that carbohydrates can be beneficial or detrimental. Carbohydrates can fuel activity, or they can get stored in our fat cells. Carbohydrates can help us build muscle in response toactivity, or they can be converted to body fat. Carbohydrates can help us recover from strenuous activity, or they can cause us to fatten up during periods of inactivity. You can see the key word in all of the above scenarios is ACTIVITY.It helps if you look at carbs simply as fuel for high-intensit activity. If you perform strength-training sessions on a regular basis, then you needcarbohydrates, perhaps a lot of carbohydrates. Those carbs will be used to fuel and recover from training sessions.Starches and glucose are preferentially stored as muscle glycogen. And with the constant depleting of glycogen reserves with intense training, a high starch intake is necessary to refuel these stores, and is less likely to spillover and be stored a body fat.This is not true for the sedentary individual. Doesn't it make sense -- muscle energy reserves fuel muscle activity? If you are not using/depleting muscle energy reserves through activity, you don't need to refill them, thus you don't need to consume much starch.A good analogy is gas for your car. If your car has been sitting in the garage, it doesn't need gas. Loading up on carbs is like trying to fill up a full tank.It just spills over the side. In the human body, that overspill equates to body fat storage, and a host of other negative effects -- like elevated triglycerides,cholesterol, and insulin resistance.However, if you drive your car around every day, sometimes for long mileage, you have to fill it up often. If you don't, you will run out of gas.An empty tank in the human body equates with becoming tired,depressed, lethargic, irritable, impairs performance, muscle loss,stubborn fat, frustrated that despite dieting your body is not changing, etc. No "rippedness" is worth that. Maybe this is why many say it is not worth it to get ripped. They are going about it the wrong way.This is exactly the scenario that plays itself out with many strength-trainingathletes who strictly adhere to low carbohydrate diets. They are confused, thinking the low carb diet plans that are the best for sedentary populations are also the best for themselves. Nothing could be further from the truth.The result of this hormonal and physiological environment is the"Skinny-Fat Syndrome". Guys and gals who are consistently training hard, following the low-carb trend, "thinking" they are doing everything right, arepretty lean everywhere else, but hold flab right around the midsection. Oddly enough, it is too low of a carbohydrate intake, and the refusal to offset catabolic activity with an anabolic recovery period, that is KEEPING them fat. And besides, it's a miserable way to diet.As counterintuitive as it sounds, some carbs in the diet can offset thecatabolic activity of exercise (insulin counteracts cortisol and preventsit's over-dominance), can initiate the recovery and repair process, canhelp you build lean muscle, and can help you burn fat in the recoveryperiod. They can support optimal testosterone and thyroid levels.And most importantly, they help you not feel like A$$, and actually be able to function in the real world while getting ripped.I have worked with physique athletes who got over their misconceptions and"Carbophobia", leaned up, and reached personal, record low body fat percentages by ADDING carbs back into their diet. Carbs like low sugar, gluten free, low "anti-nutrient" starches -- potatoes, yams, sweet potatoes,rice.8. You can use whatever meal frequency pattern is most functional given your schedule and daily demands.One of the biggest fitness myths is that you must eat 5-6 small meals a day,never go more than 2 hours without food, have your whole life revolvearound fitness eating, be obsessive with your eating schedule, have nosocial life, etc., to get ripped.This eating 6 small meals-a-day nonsense is impractical for most, andcompletely unnecessary. When disregarding personal bias, tradition, or gymmyths, numerous studies show that there is no major difference betweensmaller, more frequent meals or larger meals spaced out further apart interms of fat loss, and metabolic factors related to fat loss.You can get in ripped on a more realistic and sustainable eating structure -- 2-3 meals a day. Obviously, this fits in better with normal business and social patterns, and is a more realistic, LONG-TERM approach.9. Screw what fitness people say, the most functional and sustainable plans are the ones in which the majority of calories are eaten at night.Another myth that may have you thinking getting and staying ripped is impossible is that you must cut calories at night, go to bed starving and unsatisfied craving food, wanting to gnaw off your significant other's arm, etc.When looking at client food logs over the last decade, I can tell you that 90%of people's cheating and bingeing comes at night, because the reality isthat human beings are meant to be nocturnal eaters. Trying to cut caloriesat night goes completely against our evolutionary instincts, naturaldesires, and social patterns.It is a miserable way to diet, and only a very small percentage of athletes canmake this work as their every day, default plan. Even then, a lot of them can only make it work during their in-season, before they go crazy in off-season binges.We evolved on a fasting/feeding cycle. We are meant to eat lighter during the day while "hunting", and eat the majority of our calories and carbs at night while relaxing. You should do the exact same thing if you want to make dropping fat as easy as possible. Go with, not against, your nature.This goes against everything you've heard about an optimum fat loss protocol. It also goes against everything you read about in the health and fitness industry. But guess what? It works. I can tell you without a doubt that it works well for losing fat and retaining lean muscle mass, peer-reviewed research (and my year-round six-pack) back up those claims.You can keep slaving away at a plan that produces mediocre results for you at best, or is so miserable you only "diet" and get in shape once every 4 years, or you can give something else a try -- something that you can maintain indefinitely.10. Some actual practical stuff for you.If you've read some of my published articles then you know my general dietary approach. If not, you are out of luck! Haha, just kidding.Here's the general structure I recommend for a functional and sustainable plan to get ripped.Eat a protein-only breakfast.Eat A Paleo-style lunch (protein, vegetables, whole fruit). NO STARCHES.You see, you still want to keep carbs relatively lower during the active hoursof the day to optimize fat burning and stay mentally sharp (avoiding rebound hypoglycemia, etc.).Eat a Japanese-style dinner, with the majority of your calories and carbs aT night. You'll need starch to replenish muscle glycogen reserves, for their anabolic/muscle preserving effects, and to prepare for the next training session.Like I said, no editing on this one. I hope you learned athing or two, some of that gibberish made sense, and it helps you get closer toyour physique goals.If not, we'll try again some other time, because right now-- I am tired of typing and you are tired of reading.

Thanks for A2A. I'm only responding because it seems like the question has been posed to A LOT of people. Most of the people asked are not Primary Care doctors and, not surprisingly, they struggled to come up with an answer. I know they struggled because I AM a Primary Care doctor and I too struggled. I don't really get your question - it assumes that there is a hard part to the referral process? Is there something going on behind this question that may shed some light onto what you're really asking?As the question stands, my answer is ... there is nothing hard about doing referrals. I'll run you through the process ...A patient makes an appointment to see me. This is not hard for me because the receptionist answers the phone and clicks their name into an appointment spot. I do have to double click on their name to open their file on my computer but I have come to accept that this hardship is part of the job. Also, I used to work in a computer-related job, so I've learned the whole single-click versus double-click thing a long time ago. These days I single or double click automatically - if you were the patient, and asked me which one I did, I probably wouldn't have any recollection to be able to tell you. Trust me when I say I'm pretty efficient at opening the patient's medical record on my computer.The patient turns up at the time of their appointment. Again, this doesn't involve any effort for me - I'm not involved in their transportation from home to my office. That said, their arrival often triggers some frustration because they are interupting my coffee drinking and newspaper reading.I make the patient wait in the waiting room for a while while I read the paper and drink my coffee. Running late makes me seem busier and more important.After I have finished the day's Fred Bassett comic I allow the patient into the consultation room. But I pretend to be hurried and stressed so they know how important I am.They tell me about a problem that I have no idea about - something like ... "Doctor, please help!! I have pain in my chest that feels like the heart attack I had last year and I think I'm about to die".I ponder for a moment and think "This sounds like a job for a Cardiologist"!!I click on the 'Letters' section in their computer medical record.I choose the 'New Referral' template.The computer automatically loads my letterhead, complete with my Skull and Crossbones logo, and the patient's details, past medical history, medications, allergies and social history into the template.I'm then asked to choose the specialist to whom I wish to refer. This may sound difficult but, don't worry, all the Specialists get sorted into various categories that makes searching through them pretty easy. For example, for the grey and sweating patient in front of me I'd click on the Cardiologist menu and select someone who is nearby and has provided my patients with a good service in the past. When I click on the Specialist it automatically loads their name, as well as their address and telephone number, into the letter.I type in a little story about the reason for the referral. Something like, "Dear Dr Heart, Many thanks for your review and advice regarding diagnosis and management for Mr X who is a 50 year-old, overweight, pack-per-day smoker who has come to see me with central chest pain, left arm tingling, sweating, nausea and shortness of breath. His history includes hypertension, diabetes, high cholesterol and a heart attack last year. I suspect his complaints may originate from his heart but would appreciate your review and recommendation for investigations and management". I know this seems like a lot of typing but I type very quickly. I actually touch type - except that I don't use my pinky fingers. I tried to teach myself proper touch typing, when I used to work with computers, but trying to get the little fingers involved slowed me down too much so I gave up and settled on just using 4 fingers. I'm pretty fast - but, admittedly, probably not as fast as people who type with all their fingers. Anyway ... typing the story out really isn't too difficult.I then click on 'Print'. A pop-up box appears asking me if I want to save the letter. I choose 'Yes' (this just requires a single click - not a double click) and save it as "Dr Heart - Cardiology Referral".I then wait for the letter to print. This is sometimes the hardest part of the whole process ... but only because our printer is on a network so for the letter to get from my computer to the printer sitting right beside it, the data has to travel to the server and back. I think it travels along some cords in the wall. I'm not sure, but I can't see where the wires go ... I just assume they're hidden in the wall. I admit it could be wireless but I suspect not because my phone's Wifi doesn't pick up any wireless networks. I'm pretty confident the wires are hidden in the wall. Anyway, if there's any problem with the wires or network the letter sometimes doesn't make it back to the printer. This eventuation is what doctors mean when they refer to a "medical emergency".The final, and HARDEST PART of the whole referral process, is that I then need to fold the letter so that it fits correctly into an envelope so that the Specialists name, address and phone number shows through the envelope window. It did take me quite a while to master it, but. I'm proud to say that I've pretty much nailed it now. Sometimes it will be a little off but if you bang the envelope a little it will manipulate the details back into view.I then give the envelope to the patient, suggest they call the specialist's rooms for an appointment and take the referral letter with them when they go.I then say goodbye and return to my coffee and paper. Usually, I read The Phantom comic next.I know there's 16 steps involved in the process - so it may seem like there'd be some tricks in there - but I hope I've demonstrated that it's really not difficult at all. Certainly far less work than writing reports to the Coroner ... and I have to write those ALL the time!?!

I did not “find” love simply because I was not looking for it. You can’t find something you are not looking for.No, I’d just come out of a relationship and wanted at least six months before I wanted to start looking. I was sure I’d have to look. Shit, that’s what every gay friend I’d known was in process of, that “looking” for the right one.Jim and I had participated in the Austin Capital City Men’s Chorus (CCMC), he for longer than I. I had joined because I felt I needed to be doing something I enjoyed and could pride myself on because, when you are dropped from a relationship, your self esteem takes a nose dive. I’d enjoyed singing, had led a choir back in the Southern Baptist church I had served in as Associate Pastor, and singing gave my heart wings. It wasn’t the only gay social function I participated in, but it was the one that really boosted my self confidence.So, not looking, but being an actual participant in life, I got to know another good singer. Didn’t know much about him, but we performed and led in the bass sectionals, and I enjoyed his presence. He was never one to hurt others and worked hard to build a good bass section by working together. He and I also served in leadership capacities with the CCMC and we both worked to make the organization viable and recognized in the men’s chorus community. One of the things we would often do was sing at memorial services for our members. The AIDS crisis was real and devastating to ourselves and a number of our members.Then, it happened. We had just performed another memorial service. The chorus lived up to its reputation of being out and supportive of our members and their families. It was coming up noon, and I, an insulin dependent diabetic, knew that time was growing short for me to grab some lunch or my blood sugar, along with my thought processing abilities, would begin to drop.Jim nonchalantly asked the group if anyone wanted to grab a bite for lunch. I sheepishly raised my hand and said I could certainly use a bite. I was the only one, as the other guys had to get back to work or had other commitments that afternoon.Our time at lunch was invigorating in that we spent time talking about what we did for work, where our lives had taken us, and I was intrigued by the self confidence this fantastic man across the table from me displayed.Here’s the thing that really surprised me. Jim was not someone who fit my gay partner template. Crap, I had for years developed this mental image of what my life mate should look like. He was going to be my age (35 at the time) or younger. He was going to have a baseball player’s physique, and he was going to be a trophy boyfriend. Yeah, I was old enough and thought I deserved such a looker. Jim was none of that, except for having been a diver, ice skater, and avid gardener for years. He’d play some tennis when he could get to the courts. He was also 28 years my senior. “Damnit, Scott, this is not what you were looking for. Shit, the man will probably not want to even give a blow job if he doesn’t fall asleep 15 minutes in the sack.”Well, it turned out way different than I thought. First of all, Jim had traveled the world. He’d had lovers in his past who were still his friends. He had an intellect that was sharp and always open to new ideas. He was tech savvy, wasn’t afraid of computers, and could cook like a five star chef.Well, our lunch progressed from talking about our own lives to a great drive around the Austin loop 360 in his immaculately clean T-top Nissan Pulsar. Beautiful scenery, gorgeous sun, clouds, and the rising of the moon, indicating dusk was quickly on its way. He invited me to his place for a cocktail (damn, what a sophisticate) and he has always claimed that he did so with no ulterior motive. He also, a few years later, warned other friends to be careful who the invite over for a drink. They might never leave.Once at his house, I noticed that he was an organizer, that he planned his meals in advance, that his car was kept in a garage, that he had an office with a desktop computer, and that his expertise in gardening was partially due to his training in botany. I’d given that major some serious consideration myself. We traded stories over drinks, and I grew passionately in awe of this man. I kept looking at my watch, not for the time, but for the date. I was just 2 days past my deadline I’d set for myself on the “start looking” calendar. Except Jim was not on my “looking” agenda. Well, I decided that my peculiarities in men’s physical attributes were being pushed aside by a desire to spend more time with this man. I made the first move and asked him if he would make out with me, hoping that his rejection would be face saving. He wasn’t the first man I’d come on to after my break up, but he was the first I had a real desire to share a life with. Wasn’t sure my ego would take the rejection, but I was going to try to achieve something with someone who I’d fallen for. If you don’t ask, you won’t know the answer.Jim told me he’d been thinking the same thing for the last thirty minutes and thought I’d never get around to asking him. We made out on the couch for twenty minutes and I was finding the individual I’d thought wouldn’t know french kissing from peach licking, showed me my place. Yeah, inexperienced was the term for me. I’d only been involved with three other men sexually, and none of those knew anything about what it meant to take an active part in making their partner feel needed and important in the sexual act. My kissing became more passionate with Jim on this first adventure. I wanted him to know that I was enjoying his attention and he had all of mine. He taught me some technique that improved my skill and I proved my skill by surgically massaging his tonsils with my tongue. I was enjoying the same attention to my tonsils. Who knew we both still had them, even after the proscribed attention.Jim was the one to ask me if I’d like to spend the night together with him. Oh, that answer came to me easily. Of course. He and I spent the next 24 plus years together. And we found life to be more than what goes on when enjoying sex, but remembered that sex was an important aspect of our total selves.As we came to the point in our relationship where marriage had become legally possible in Louisiana for gay couples, Jim and I wed with a small group of friends in attendance at our Bed and Breakfast, in August 2015. By February 2018, Jim had begun struggling with a heart valve that had determined to make his life difficult. By March of the year, we were in Houston seeking help from a cardiovascular surgeon to make a replacement of that valve.And, in doing so, I added another layer of admiration for this man. You see, the last name of the surgeon was one that was familiar to Jim. Come to discover, Jim had known the surgeon’s father when the father and Jim had both worked at Hermann Memorial during the Second World War. His surgeon had been born while Jim was working there and Jim remembered seeing the baby, now his surgeon, and congratulating his father. Damn, what a life my husband had lived.The surgery, although successful, was an immense strain on my husband’s now 87 year old frame. After rehab and other measures to try and help him work through this event, my husband, the love of my life, died in June 2018.Is it possible for gay men to find love? Only when you quite looking for it! Then “it” happens and you are head over heels, or, as Jim and many of his cohorts would say, heels over tits, in love. I can say, without so much as a concern for propriety, that we did love each other. The hardest thing I ever felt I had to do was show enough love and compassion for Jim to to let him know that I didn’t want him to die, but that I would find a way to honor his life if he felt it better to give up struggling to live life in a meaningful manner.I received a call that morning from his hospice care nurse. I felt my heart sink when I was told that Jim had died. Do I want him back? Only if he could live comfortably with me at his side. Can that occur? No, it cannot. Did we have love? You better damn well fucking believe it.