Early Childhood Educator Appreciation Day: Fill & Download for Free

I’m fortunate I didn’t have to participate vocally in this particular case of locker room talk, but hopefully everyone else will appreciate the humor and awkwardness I experienced.Being an early childhood educator, I’m constantly running into parents and families I know when I’m out and about. My husband jokes that he cannot take me anywhere without a ten minute catch up with a former student or members of their family. It feels great to be loved and appreciated in our mid-sized college town, where I’ve been teaching for over 15 years, and because I taught a Games class for 6th grade children, some of my ex-students are now adults.Being a teacher, it’s hard to get enough rest, prep for the next day, and have a luxurious self-care routine, so the self-care is extremely brief during the work week. My designated “self-care without time limits day” is Saturday. This would involve getting up early, heading to the gym, working out, showering, swimming, and showering before I leave. To tell the truth, I so appreciate this alone time after caring for others all week long that I don’t socialize at all.One Saturday, I saw a parent with her two children in tow. I’d taught the older 12 year old boy in Games class and the younger girl was a first grade classmate of my son’s. We made small talk, then I headed to the pool for my swim. Afterwards, I was showering when this parent decided to tow both her son and her daughter through the women’s locker room.Now let me state that I think it is healthy for children of a certain age (5 and under) to see nudity in their family, bathing, getting dressed, etc. But I never expected to see a young male student gawking at my nude body on my self-care day. His mother tried to usher him quickly out of the shower area, but by then the child was audibly saying “OMG Mom! That’s Ms. Tracey! NAKED!” I was mortified, but I was where I was supposed to be.I’d bet, after that, she never drug her son through the women’s locker room ever again. Lesson learned.

Imagine hearing a minimum of 10 stories every day . Real stories narrated to you.What I doImagine each and every single one of the story starting covering details of birth,early childhood, conflicts, personality ,education, relationships,sexual history ,current symptoms , thoughts ,actions , substance abuse and what not. Imagine trying to remain mindful while listening to all this and asking pertinent questions while formulating the diagnosis as well as deciding a biopsychosocial management plan tailored to meet the needs of that individual.What I have experienced so farI have heard horrific accounts of physical and sexual abuse , stories of how people were lied to and cheated , of them hearing voices and seeing things or feeling fearful or unwanted, of them wanting to kill themselves. I have sat with those who did attempt to kill but survived and talked about why do they don't find life worth living anymore. I have sighed with exasperation upon seeing the same client admitted again and again for drug detox and yet not be judgemental but instead appreciate his willingness to continue making an effort despite relapses. I have tried talking down to six foot tall patients who are suffering from a phase of mania and cannot be controlled by four security guards and I have listened to them threaten me to death upon ordering medication to them. I have also jumped with joy when patients tell me that they now want to live and enjoy life or that the torturous voices in their head have decided to leave them now.Do I enjoy what I doOh yes! Every single second. My patients teach me so much more about life. They inspire me to remain resilient in the face of all this harshness of life and they remind me that deep down, we all are fighting with our demons and just helping each other on our way. Every single day, I am learning to be grateful and empathetic and my profession has helped me immensely.

QUESTION: Can a narcissist regret discarding or losing someone?SHORT ANSWER: It depends. Narcissists can regret a loss of admiration, loss of status, and lost opportunities that person previously afforded them, but they don’t regret losing the human being.If you’d like further explanation, feel free to read further.EXAMPLE: Humans are a little like legos for narcissists: easily interchangeable and once they’ve played with them for a while, they get bored and they’re ready for a slick and shiny new set of legos that makes something new.TIP: You can learn about narcissists by studying successful toy brands and/or high-end luxury vehicle brands. The narcissist wants new, bigger, better, faster, more, more, more, just like a preschooler.A narcissistic male can regret that his very young and beautiful wife suddenly divorces him if he received a lot of admiration from other high-status males about how he landed such a very young and beautiful woman. However, it’s the loss of admiration the narcissist regrets losing, not the wife to whom he was married and likely had grown quite bored with after the honeymoon. He may also regret any loss in status she caused if she was especially famous, well-connected, admired, or possessed generational wealth.In addition, the narcissist may also regret that now he has to spend time finding a sex partner even younger or even more beautiful to replace her, or he will risk being chided or mocked by the aforementioned high-status men for having been unable to “keep” her. Narcissists see themselves and others like a stock whose rises and falls based on their wealth, aesthetic beauty, education, job, home, fame, academic success, acquisitions, or public philanthropy. Narcissists are VERY SHALLOW people with little emotional depth to them or to their character. Narcissist’s don’t love people, they love admiration and bragging rights. At best, a narcissist may grow to develop feelings of fondness for someone. Emotions narcissists do seem to have some depth to their anger, resentment, and envy and they spend a good deal of their time trying to avoid feelings of shame and boredom. Narcissists get bored rather easily (not quite as easily as psychopaths but similarly).CAVEAT: This post left me wondering if the asker perhaps meant REMORSE instead of regret because even a psychopath and sociopath are capable of momentary regret. Remorse is about feeling bad for harming others.I’ve never heard a narcissist express genuine remorse, although I’ve seen a few utter the expected words when their attorney has instructed them to do so. If you were to stop them in the moment and ask them to explain what that feels like, it’s unlikely they’d be able to express what the rest of us call “remorse” UNLESS an attorney or therapist (or someone else) had previously coached them on what is socially expected to be heard by people who have empathy for others (or what a judge is assessing, if you’re in court).NOTE: I have seen brief instances of a narcissist realizing…again, very briefly in a fleeting moment…that their actions have harmed someone and, from an onlookers perspective, they appeared to be experiencing intense shame for their behavior as they began to realize they’ve been “outed” for who they truly are behind their lies, deception and social facade. However, shame is all about the person feeling it, and has nothing to do with feeling bad/remorse about the harm they inflicted on someone else.EXPLANATION: A narcissistic brain has been through a kind of editing process so that the connections that remain (by age 4) are those that pertain to the narcissist getting what they want. You can read more about synaptogenesis here Synaptic Pruning: Definition, Early Childhood, and More and cursor down to the section titled “How Does Synaptic Pruning Work”. This is a process all human brains undergo. However, most of us will have grown up in an environment where we used more areas of our brain by the age of 4 so that we don’t end up with a Cluster B disorder. Our genes also play a role in that first pruning in early childhood, and our early childhood environment affects which of those genes will express.As a result of synaptogenesis, the adult narcissist’s brain has been wired that way since early childhood and further reinforced by the environment around them for however many decades the narcissist is old. That kind of reinforcement is difficult to overcome, and at present, clinicians don’t really know how to be effective in changing the narcissist's brain. This process of synaptic editing continues throughout life, so the “use it or lose it” adage really does apply here. Yes, the brain has considerably more plasticity that first thought. Yet, it is almost impossible to overcome that first synaptic pruning that occurred prior to age 4 after the narcissist reaches the age of 30. Think about that for a moment. If clinicians are not allowed to diagnose a disorder in an adolescent until after the age of 18-25 (around the time the executive function of the brain is incorporated into the lower brain), that doesn’t afford a narcissist a very large window of time to undo what has been done, much less to begin to form healthier connections and to continue reinforcing those connections before the brain begins to lose some of its plasticity. Remember, those connections were severed before kindergarten, like an amputation of sorts, and they largely remained that way well past adolescence and into mature adulthood. That is why narcissists are unlikely to ever change.Sadder still, it’s uncommon that a therapist will ever explain this to you if you’re the partner of a narcissist who comes in for relationship counseling. I got very lucky and received an incredibly abridged version of an explanation via a single statement of warning as my hand was on the doorknob in the therapist’s office as my (then) partner and I were exiting. After listening to us on our initial visit, she recognized what my partner was…even though she didn’t diagnose him there…and told me that my partner had “the kind of problem that takes several years to change.” I already knew what she meant. I already suspected it was NPD before I was able to coerce him into a therapist’s office (and it was a kind of coercion). She knew just by listening to both of us in one session what he was, even if she didn’t offer a diagnosis. I so very much appreciated her words of warning. However, I’ve found that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is generally the sort of thing you have to research yourself by pouring through academic journal articles, books, and YouTube videos from experts in this area, or else you’re left confused and bewildered. It’s also been my experience that even when the therapist knows your partner is a pathological narcissist, the narc won’t allow the therapist to share that information with you because then they have to deal with the reality that your observations, complaints, etc. were accurate all along.In case no one ever told you, narcissists are vapid cowards at their core, just like the man behind the curtain when the “great and powerful OZ” is trying to distract Dorothy and her friends away from the sniveling, anxiety-ridden man who is operating the controls. Just consider me your “Toto” revealing the truth that most therapist either won’t or don’t tell you.This video is 44 seconds that kind of illustrate what is behind the promise-breaking, lying, arrogant indignance of the narcissist…and this is true even for the narcissists who are NOT grandiose…only it’s far, far less obvious than here.NOTE: I did encounter one neurologist who was kind enough to share this information with me, and who had enough empathy for others to reveal that pathological narcissism is nothing more than a variant of sociopathy and that the same was true for all the Cluster B disorders. He told me not to waste time trying to distinguish one Cluster B disorder from the other because they’re all sociopathic at their core, and that I should stay as far away from them as I can, or to be ready to pay the price if I don’t.REGRET: Here is what narcissists can regret: losing the admiration of others.That can show up as…-losing public admiration-losing social status-losing wealth-losing an esteemed career-losing fame-losing their (public) reputation (i.e. being exposed as a liar and/or fraud)-losing (public) credibility-losing their youth (i.e. aging)-losing opportunities such as……opportunities to increase their wealth…opportunities to improve their social status…opportunities to increase improve their public reputation…opportunities to socialize with famous people…opportunities for easy sex (sex that doesn’t require a lot of effort on their part)…opportunities to get special treatment…opportunities to be given VIP status to events…opportunities to brag about their wealth, status, reputation, famous friends, many sex partners, the special treatment they receive, and all the times they’ve been granted VIP status to the many “impressive” events they’ve attendedI would recommend reading through the vast majority of Elinor Greenberg’s posts to begin your journey of understanding if you haven’t already done so. Please also take time to read the advice she gives to narcissists, as well as to the partners and/or family members of narcissists. It can be quite shocking to discover that some therapists advise narcissists NOT to tell the people they’re dating about their disorder in the early stages of dating, but Elinor does. She’s still a wealth of really solid information and she generously shares decades of insights that usually only children who are raised with narcissists understand (because we see it every single day when growing up, along with the times they seem “normative”). I would also recommend reading Mike King and Karen Arluck here on Quora.If you’ve experienced what is known as Narcissistic Abuse, I recommend you check into Dr. Rhonda Freeman’s resources, as the vast majority of therapists do NOT know how to effectively treat Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, which can be like a combination of PTSD with some Stockholm Syndrome symptoms thrown in. The Care Shop | Neuroinstincts | Dr. Rhonda Freeman . She also does some great YouTube videos and, as a neuropsychologist, she REALLY knows what she is talking about and puts into terms everyone can understand. Rhonda Freeman, PhD Neuropsychologist .I hope this offers some different insight compared to what has already been posted. You’ve already got some really insightful comments to sift through.