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My dad was a sweetheart, funny and pleasant to everyone. He was a delight to have around. Although he never needed nursing home level care, about three years before his death, we moved him and my mom into an assisted living apartment, and eventually he needed to be in the locked Memory Care unit there.Why didn't we care for him at home? Well, he and Mom were living 2,000 miles away from me at the time he had a stroke. Mom did her very best to care for him on her own. However, my dad had always been overweight, with a large, Santa Claus stomach. He weighed 220 pounds, and it was extremely difficult for my mom to help him get up from his chair or the bed so he could use his walker to go to the bathroom, or to help him get up from the toilet when he was done. Several times, he wouldn't make it to the toilet in time, and would then slip and fall in his own waste. I was terrified that he would fall and break a hip, which almost always leads to death in elderly people.My mom was wearing herself out, but wouldn't allow the visiting care professionals I hired to help. She was just days away from a complete breakdown, both physically and mentally, when I insisted that they move across country to be closer to me so I could be of help.I couldn't have them live with me because none of the bedrooms in my house are on the main level, and my dad was not able to manage stairs. So I found the very best senior care facility in my area, and moved them there.Even with that move and with a staff of nurses and aids available to help, my mom continued to insist on doing everything herself instead of calling for help, putting both herself and my dad at risk. A year after they moved, my dad was no longer able to walk with a walker, and was in a wheel chair.Because his dementia was worsening and because the staff and I were concerned that my mom's resistance to accepting help was putting them both in danger, we decided to move my dad into their locked Memory Care unit. The unit was still in the same building as their assisted living apartment, so my mom could visit anytime she wanted for as long as she wanted, and the staff was right there.They took excellent care of him, although never up to my mom's over-inflated standards. When he was nearing death, his care was transferred to hospice workers, who visited him daily at the facility. My mom was able to be with him until he passed away a little over a year ago.Long story short -- there are times and circumstances when caring for a loved one at home is not the best or safest option for everyone involved.Also, if you do decide to move someone into a facility, I highly recommend choosing one with multiple levels of care options, so a change from one level of care to another doesn't require a physical move.

Our hospital is overcrowded and there are horrible wait times (like you could wait 8 hours to see a doctor). We were in as my husband broke his ankle. An elderly man in the next curtain came in just to have a bandage changed. It could have been done by anyone…in-home care, clinic, family doctor. We are in Canada so a lot of that is free.This is the reason our hospitals get clogged. People who do not need emergency care are there and the hospital doesn’t have a clinic attached to triage this sort of thing.No one was mad or anything though. We found it kind of sad. He probably waited 4 hours just for that. The staff were so wonderful with him. They mentioned that he could come back anytime but if he called his family doctor or clinic instead and told them that he just needed a bandage changed, they’d probably be able to fit him in quickly and he wouldn't have to wait so long. They didn’t make it sound like he was burdening them, they made it sound like they were concerned with him and his wait time.So I think it’s dumb to go to the ER for that, but a lonely old man might not see it that way.

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