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It sounds like he might have a gambling problem but the first thing to consider is that if he is taking care of the house and bills and is only spending surplus money ‘he’ earned, the situation sucks but it is his money to spend. If he is dipping into ‘household’ money, your earnings, savings or withdrawing cash from Credit Cards that goes beyond his earnings and his spending is affecting the family directly. I know it is easy to think that any money he makes automatically IS family money, but it isn’t unless that was agreed to when you got married.Talk to him about it if you haven’t already. Getting him to stop spending his earned money how he sees fit will be difficult. If he is spending family money, ask him to tally how much he is spending a month, a quarter, a year. Let him do the math so he sees it by his own hand. Set up your own bank account for your money and direct deposits and separate yourself from his potential debts via credit cards and shared accounts so he can’t spend your money or savings. You have to get off the shared CCs so that if he digs himself a financial hole, you aren’t on the hook for it.He will see just how serious you are about this and you will be protecting your assets at the same time. That severity might get him to consider the fact that he “may” have a problem and take this seriously.

Thanks for the A2AQ: Is not wanting to merge your finances with another person a good reason to not get married?It is a good reason not to marry a person who insists on merging finances if you insist against it. But as long as a couple agrees on the expectations regarding the finances of their relationship, how they go about it doesn’t matter. What might better suit one couple, might not another. What matters is if it suits them.My wife and I each have our own direct deposit accounts. We manage the household spending out of a shared account that we both contributed agreed amounts into and budget for. The rest of the money we earned ourselves stays in our control. At first glance some might see that as a selfish perspective for a couple who supposedly wants to “share their lives” together. Reality isn’t that simple. What remains of our earnings remains in our control because we also have other responsibilities beyond just the two of us. Namely our children.Both of us have divorced and had children in previous relationships. Financially supporting those children is the responsibility of their parents.My wife and her first husband had 3 sons. One was killed in the line of duty in the military. They split their son’s life insurance payoff between them and their remaining 2 sons. They also split the cost of college for the other son and are still paying that debt.I had a son with my ex. He is the responsibility of his mother and I. He has yet to go to college and I am still paying child support to his mother. Child support for my son is NOT my wife’s responsibility and she should never have to budget for it. The cost associated with my son going to college will be the responsibility of him, his mother and I. Again, not my wife. She has already, in conjunction with her ex, put their son through college and are still paying for it. That debt is not my responsibility.So if we merged our finances 100%, would it be more fair that I take money away from my son’s funding to help my wife pay off her son’s tuition debt or she lengthen the duration it will take her to pay off her debt regarding their son’s college in order to help support my son through college now? What part will our exes play in our attempt to combine efforts? Should her ex pay more for the debt now that she has a step son to support? Should my ex contribute more towards our son’s college so I can help my wife pay off her debt? You know those just won’t happen. Our exes contribute to their own children and are not involved in our combined efforts but in their contributions to our children respectively, they are contributing…. or at lest should.You see how things aren’t black and white, simply merged or separate? The complications of actual life get really messy. Merging finances is not the default best answer for every couple. If you don’t want to merge finances but DO want to get married someday, that kind of arrangement does exist. Just make sure your potential partner is in agreement. For my wife and I, keeping our finances separated is justifiable and ensures fairness. We talk about finances but we never bicker or argue about them. This method removes the need to.

They likely want to consolidate funds like they consolidate everything else about their lives. I did this in the past and though it seems like a typical no brainier, it actually caused quite a bit of complications.The intention is to simplify but when you break it down, it takes more effort to keep track of finances when they are being used in multiple directions by two people. It will never be the case that only one person spends money out of the account. In plain words, that means the other person isn’t allowed to. And the effort to track each person’s spending and combine those records daily to prevent overdrawing the account is harder than a person might think. There are constantly little things throwing off the total like picking up some shampoo on the way home or subscribing to a music service on your phone or simply getting gas on the way to work.My wife and I both had combined accounts with our exes and we are both divorced and had suffered financial issues as part of the overall problems.The way we handle finances in our marriage today is to maintain our own direct deposit accounts and automatically transfer pre-determined amounts into a household account that is for bills, mortgage, upkeep and family spending regarding the house. We each pay our own car payments and personal debts. We each spend out of our own accounts for anything else. Lunch at work. Get a new cell phone. Buy some clothing, whatever. It is from our own accounts and does not throw off the household funds and planning what so ever. We discuss, save for and spend for the house, family, vacations, etc. though the shared account and it is always coordinated first and contributed to as agreed. We never argue about spending.The reality of having experienced both methods gives me the experience to say that maintaining individual accounts as well as a shared account for the household is a much better method than joining accounts.