Halloween Hero Pulls Off The Ultimate Costume To: Fill & Download for Free

This isn’t even a question.Batman Who Laughs only works as a effective villain if you don’t think about it too hard.Batman Who Laughs is actually the weakest of all Batmen if you think about it.MOST comic books characters could conceivably beat Batman who Laughs if he didn’t have Batman’s metapower of “Beating everyone with prep time,” and being able to do it off camera.What are Batman’s advantages? His physical prowess and dedication to his own physical health and muscle development.This is Batman’s workout routine.Impossible for the Batman Who Laughs to keep up with in his current state, which is obvious from just looking at the Batman Who Laughs who has the Joker’s emaciated physique. One punch from Batman would kill him. His legs are so thin they look like they would snap from one kick from Batman.Because unlike the Batman Who Laughs, Batman’s got people around him that know one very important lesson.This is Batman’s daily intake of nutrients.One which the Batman Who Laughs clearly isn’t following. Just look at how deathly pale and clearly malnourished he is.Alfred clearly isn’t feeding him. Heck, the Batman Who Laughs probably killed his Alfred and ate him in a fit of insanity. Now’s he regretting it. No more delicious French onion soup for you!His intelligence and organized mental state?Batman Who Laughs has the Joker’s insanity. There is no forward planning. No deductive reasoning. He lives from one moment to the next, playing deadly pranks rather than being focused on a narrow set of goals and actively training himself to meet them. His attention span is all over the place. He probably can’t sleep properly.When do you think was the last time he sat down and seriously read a book? The last time he was at a chemistry set? The last time he had construct an electronic device? I mean I’m sure he could pull it off if he needed to, but if he’s wandering dimensions where would he find the time to do any of that? All these factors will severely hinder him if he attempts to solve intellectual problems.(Personally I’ve known a brilliant mind or two in my life who then went insane or succumbed to substance abuse. It’s tragic. The first thing to go is their ability to take care of themselves, and it just gets worse from there.)Therefore Batman beats him there too. Doesn’t matter how naturally brilliant you are if you spend all your time playing video games instead of doing your homework, which is what essentially the Batman Who Laughs is doing: devoting his intelligence to pointless chaos instead of keeping his intelligence sharp and focused on realistic goals.His wealth and resources?Do you think Batman Who Laughs could possibly keep up the facade of being Bruce Wayne?Batman is still a billionaire with resources. The Batman Who Laughs lost his Batcave and manor when his universe was destroyed. He doesn’t have Alfred feeding him and tending to his wounds and making sure he gets proper rest. He doesn’t have his gym to stay in shape. He’s got no Bat Computer to look up and store information. He’s been wandering the universes for years, so he’s seriously out of practice. Where would he find the time or space or motivation to stay in shape during that time?What are Batman who Laughs’ advantages?That he kills? Then that places him on the same level as the Joker except there’s no Batman to prevent him from getting killed by other heroes or villains. There are even versions of Batman who kills.That he uses guns?Yeah, I’m sure that will help against someone who is wearing a bulletproof vest or is naturally bulletproof.That he’s scary-looking? Is that even an advantage really?That he drapes himself in silly Cenobite chains for some reason? Wouldn’t that weigh him down in combat or get tangled something awful? That he wears tight, restricting fetish leather? Again, that’s going to restrain his movements pretty bad. He should have stuck to rope and batarangs and kevlar underpants. Those are much lighter and more useful in combat. But then he’d lose the edginess!Who is he going to turn to in a crisis?The Batman Who Laughs killed all his friends and allies.Along with the Justice League and the rest of his EarthBatman’s still got his Justice League and allies. People who care about him, who inspire him, and who will die defending him.The Batman Who Laughs just has his feral Robins and Barbatos protecting him.I suppose he’s also got the rest of the Dark Knights,but they are all almost as evil and treacherous as the Batman who Laughs. They would betray or abandon him in a second. As far as they are all concerned, they’re allying with the Joker, and if they’re all Batman, they’ve all faced the Joker at one point or another. There is no trust. No bond with him.Speaking of. You know that harem of pet cannibal Robins that swoon over him and are supposed to protect him?Crazed little kids are only ever dangerous in horror movies. In real life, they don’t have the weight advantage that adults have. No matter how violent they act, the average adult could easily take out 5–7of them pretty quickly if they didn’t care that they are kids and didn’t hesitate. The average kindergarten teacher deals with that problem on a regular basis. So Yeah, I doubt that a couple of feral little kids are going help him against someone who has actual superpowers and doesn’t give a damn that they are little kids. He also better hope he never faces someone like Sinestro. He’d just charbroil them all with his power ring with no hesitation. I hope that he feeds them regularly and treats them well and they don’t bite his face off when he turns his back on them. He had better coordinate them well so they don’t get tangled around his legs in combat. Ever tried walking more than one dog? Yeah. Same problem.The Batman who Laughs is simply the Joker in a Bat suit, basically (a Bat suit that effectively is worthless in combat, forcing him to rely upon child soldiers). He is Joker in a Bat suit who is also without Batman’s resources and cannot maintain Batman’s level of preparation. He may be as smart as Batman, but the Joker was also a genius that is Batman’s equal that is turned towards committing short-sided violent pranks and fermenting chaos. So it just evens out at best. There’s evidence that the Joker doesn’t even take proper care of himself, that his stays are Arkham maybe all what’s keeping him alive.He’s also as physically weak as the Joker, has no resources to draw upon, and is a danger to himself as much as others. Realistically he would be dead in less than six months, same way the Joker would be if Batman wasn’t there to protect him. Probably killed by his own cannibal Robins in his sleep, or he succumbs from an infection from his numerous pointless self-mutilations. Gingivitis is also likely, considering that he never closes his mouth. Bacteria could easily grow in there. If anyone has meth mouth, it’s himOn top of that, can he even see?And is that silly-looking helmet made out of lead? Can you imagine how heavy and distracting that would be, constantly weighing his head down? The spiky blindfold would constantly be getting in the way, probably falling down and banging his exposed teeth pretty bad. Hope he tested it and secured it well when he decided to sacrifice being able to see properly for trying to look scary.He might have killed everyone in his own universe (mostly off-panel), but to be fair he was simply coasting off the success of being Batman for decades. Now he’s a pale shadow of glory, having sacrificed nearly every advantage of he had as Batman is order to become “dark” and “scary.”As silly and convoluted as the various other Dark Knights are, they are (every one of them) completely superior to the Batman Who Laughs.(On a side note, good job on your horse of the Apocalypse’s blinders, Batman Who Laughs. Now it can’t see what’s directly in front of it! Just like you!)Because, unlike the Batman Who Laughs, none of them are really insane. All are evil and ruthless, some display sociopathic tendencies. But they still all have Batman’s training and discipline. They are focused on realistic goals instead of how many corpses they can adorn their throne room with.Most of them want to rule their worlds, not just kill as many people in amusing ways. If they neglect their training and lose their resources, they all at least have powers that they can fall back on!In summary,His physical health is in the crapper.His brilliant mind is wasted.His allies are dead, forcing him to rely on child soldiers and other versions of himself that are evil and treacherous.He has no superpowers.His wealth and resources were destroyed with this universe.He wears a silly-looking fetish costume that is supposed to be scary, but almost completely worthless for combat purposes.Good thing he’s got Barbatos to protect him.He’s going to need the blessing of a Deus Ex Machina!The Batman Who Laughs is like the Olympic athlete who loses his mind, falls off the wagon for a few years, binges on junk food, experiments in various drugs and body piercings, and then thinks he can get back to competing immediately when the mood strikes him.The Batman Who Laughs is like that edgy teenager who thinks that being scary-looking substitutes for actually being combat effective and thinks he can take on a Marine, only to learn just how unprepared they are when they are on the ground in an arm lock.He is exactly what would happen if the Joker killed Batman, killed Batman’s friends and then went on to kill Harlequin who was the only one who cared about him and took care of him, burned down Arkham Asylum and all his hideouts, started dressing like Batman, squatting in the Batcave and only had burnt fragments from Batman’s training manuals and journals to learn from. He can’t guess the password on the Batcomputer, and he’s been trying for hours to guess Bruce Wayne’s pin number so he can access his vast wealth, but he’s had no success.So if Batman confronted the Batman Who Laughs, Batman would be the one laughing. Laughing how ill-equipped and ridiculous he is!So let us imagine the scenario:The Batman stood in the alley, idly wondering how he had come to be here.It was like something out of a movie. That sort of cheap indie production destined to be held over for seven months at a series of drive-ins before becoming a fixture at 3 AM on Channel 9. Yet those always held some brilliantly scary moments, albeit ones ultimately massacred by the cheapness - the five dollars more that could have made it look like something special. A grim thing destroyed by a lack of effort.The alley was barely lit and bathed in shadows, every one of which threatened to hide some unnamable evil or danger. The streetlights had dimmed as though a mist had drifted across them, and the pavements no longer offered any reflections in their wetness. Steam rose from open pipes that protruded from the alley walls. Yowling cats slunk around overflowing garbage cans. He mused that the natural shadows and darkness were far more fearful than the gaudy thing that approached.The sharp slash of braided leather cutting air announced its presence followed by the heavier, uglier snap of leather against flesh as well as the clink of chains. The origin was the arrangement of leather straps and buckles dangling from the coat it wore - black as midnight, stained with droplets of dried blood. Tight metal chains were wrapped in haphazard fashion around its tall, lithe body. The figure wore no gloves, and its fingers were thin, with long cracked nails, blackened from grime. The ear tips of the mask resembled thin, needlepoint horns. The mask itself had been redesigned to bristle with metal spikes over the eyes. Beneath that mask was the most distinctive feature: the rictus grin, almost too wide to be anything human. The yellow teeth filed to points. The gums inflamed and puffy.“I AM-”Despite being the farthest thing from a Plastic Man-style quipster, Batman was this close to saying 'The Terror That Flaps In The Night' as his response. A small bit of will kept him on script.“You’re a duplicate of me, from a parallel world. To be honest, the vampire was scarier.”The dopple seemed shaken twice over. This was not starting well for him.“You...You are correct. Very good, Brucey. Vampire?”To the Batman, this sick specter was something he saw out of the corner of his eye each and every day. It could only fail to impress him.“It would have been obvious even to Damian in a blood rage. You were hoping to surprise me with that revelation and throw me off guard. As I just indicated, you aren’t the first such duplicate I’ve encountered...”The wannabe-nightmare pointed.“But I will be your LAST!”If dramatic pointing could be blocked, the dopple would have been in a broken heap as Batman stood unmoved.“Not if you don’t keep your emotions in check. Did you forget that lesson, Bruce? Also, that response was, to coin a phrase, fairly vanilla."As he knew himself, so he knew his sworn foe. No worse sin than being boring and pedestrian.“I AM NOT VANILLA! And I forget no lessons. I am a lesson--to you. A complete, but also a better version. I have your discipline. Your training. I have traveled the multiverse on a mission of merciful destruction and chaos, dispatched by the great God Barbatos.”Batman did not 'tsk' the one facing him. He didn't need to.“You remember the training. How it focused you. You recall having discipline. What it once meant. There’s a difference between recall and practice. Between advanced workouts and reactive muscle memory. Have you been keeping up with it?”The dopple tried to get back on script.“If I had the title it would be the Batman Who Laughs. And do not attempt to assault my form, Bruce. I am the ultimate fighter, the Greatest Gladiator of Gladness!”Bruce looked the figure over the way he might have at one of his sidekicks at a bad costume party.“From just glancing at you I can count at least ten things that could hinder you in combat. It wouldn’t be a fair fight. It would be like socking a cripple. You wear heavy metal chains and tight leather. That’s going to seriously hamper your movements. And you’re so thin, deathly pale. Isn’t your Alfred feeding you properly?”The invite made, the Laughing Batman accepted quickly.“I KILLED ALFRED AND ATE HIS CORPSE!”This time, Batman did give in to his inner Eel O'Brien. His voice shifted to a decent British accent." ‘Oh, dear, sir. I hope you didn't serve me with that awful Chardonnay. Bad year, and all wrong for human flesh. Dying is one thing, but my final service to you marred by bad wine? Unthinkable!’ "Batman saw his foe's jaw drop.“Alfred always kept us on our toes. He would want to be remembered in good humor. But, that is a shame -- for you. I can’t count how many times Alfred fed me when I was sitting in front of the Bat Computer working on a problem and he would stroll in. A silver platter in tow. Delicious aromas wafting from it. French onion soup was one of my favorites. If anything happened to Alfred, I can’t imagine what I’d do. I’d probably starve. Look thin. Probably look exactly like you. What have you been eating? Rats? For some reason, one of my crazier dopples liked to feed other people rats. Cockroaches maybe? Whatever rotting scraps you could find in the tomb cities of those devastated worlds you passed through?”The Batman Who Laughs twitched in irritation. “Sometimes…” the monster admitted.“How did it taste? Never mind. I don’t want to know--and if you say chicken, we will be at war. I’ve have some dire survival situations, but never have I been that desperate. Let’s change the subject. I can smell your body odor even from here. When was the last time you showered or bathed? Do you ever remove that tight restricting costume? The way the leather cuts into your flesh can be more dangerous than you realize. If you don’t clean it and yourself regularly, you will get painful sores. You probably already had them. When was the last time you had a doctor examine you? Something to spot something that you couldn’t diagnose yourself? On that topic, when was the last time you’d been to a dentist? You leave your mouth hanging open all the time like that and you’re definitely going to let bacteria in and they’ll multiply. I’ve been working the streets and I’m very familiar with the signs of what is known as ‘meth mouth’ I can recommend several effective remedies-- ”The sickly man who thought he'd win just by showing up was now shaking with blind fury.“THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME!” the dupe screamed. “This. IS. All. About. YOU!”“Then why have you let me dominate the conversation? Are you that weak? Is that why you allowed yourself to be infected by Joker toxin and let yourself be turned into a pathetic shadow of him? A Joker clone wearing a Batman costume and who still thinks he can be nearly as effective as he once was? Where did the routine go? Oh, and you're not even my first Jokerized Batman. Now, he was effective. Once had to take down all of Arkham by him---”“I am effective! I am Arkham incarnate! I can move and strike better than---”Batman sliced a dismissive hand through the air in front of himself.“Not without constant training. Diligent upkeep. And the support of all those around you! I spend two hours in the gym every morning exercising my body. I spend another hour in the library or lab exercising my mind. Alfred brings me breakfast. If you’re anything like me, you probably had a routine just like it. But you obviously haven’t been keeping up. You fell off the horse long ago, and the horse has run off and you can’t find it again. You would have people around you that would have helped you stay on target, but you just had to kill them on a psychotic whim-I'm assuming. We do tend to push people away in some manner. Do you miss Alfred’s delicious cooking now? The food that sustained you? The wit that kept you sharp?”“I didn’t need them! I don’t need anyone! I am the Batman. I am YOU distilled down its CORE! The best traits, the fighting skills, the preparation, the brilliance --- all of it taken to the next level of our evolution!”“Does that next level involve dressing up in fetish gear and wearing a spiked dog collar for a mask? Let me ask you one simple question: Can you even see out of that spiked dog collar around your face?”“I...I…”“It is a dog collar, right? You simply took a common spiked dog collar and secured it to your face because....why? You thought it would intimidate someone? I’m sure it would scare little children on Halloween, but for anyone over the age of twelve it just looks like a dog collar.”“I ECHOLOCATE LIKE A BAT! I DON’T NEED TO SEE!”“Overcompensation. I thought so. But compensation is all it is. You've denied yourself a vital data-stream for limited benefit. But it serves another purpose. I think you wear the blindfold because you’re ashamed. You don’t want to see yourself in the mirror and see Bruce staring back at you. The mask wasn’t enough. The mask was the Batman’s, so you needed to change it.”Batman shouted out the Clown-Bat's predictable next words at the same time as he did.“Bruce is dead!”“ ‘Bruce is dead!’ ”Now, Batman did something that was known to scare the crap out of Harley Quinn. He smiled.“I've often thought that. Sometimes, I even told myself he really died that one night in this alley. But the kid was tough. No, Bruce lives. He’s a survivor. He survived this place and he lived each day in the hope that there would be a future where no other little boy had to watch his parent gunned down in the gutter. What do you live for, Laughable Bats? I imagine it’s exactly what the Joker wanted. You want the tired cliche of spilled blood and chaos. You want smashed bodies and bad puns. You want card tricks and holocausts. But the thing is, even with the training and experience of the Bat, you can’t substitute the dream of that little boy who became a man. You can’t drown it in blood. I know the Joker, and you will always be just a pathetic imitation of him. Also, those children you drag along? He doesn't do sidekicks, and that's what they are. Neither Bruce nor Jack. You're a punch bowl that's been spiked so often, no one can taste the punch or the booze anymore.”“Stop it! Stop it!”No, he would not stop. This dopple had dared try to overwhelm him in Batman's birthplace. He had dared try and be a nightmare in the place his nightmares derived from. This required punishment.“Why? Am I speaking too loud? I’m sorry. Your ears must be hypersensitive if they are your primary means of gaining information about the world. You think you’re the next level? You aren’t even halfway to Robin when he completed his training and was ready for the streets. Believe me, I’ve read the Joker’s files. I know how his mind and his psychosis works. If you are anything like that, then you are probably neglecting yourself just as he did. You must be starving yourself for long periods because in your madness you don’t notice the hunger. You don’t even look like you have the strength to stand. Your stance is all wobbly and you have a nervous quiver. It must be pure will and nervous anxiety keeping you on your feet. You let your mind go too far down the Joker’s rabbit hole. You suffer from night terrors as well as possibly bedwetting, keeping you from receiving proper rest and revitalizing your mind and body, which is an essential in our line of work. Your short-term memory is probably fading as you become further and further detached from reality from the lack of sleep. I’ll bet you can’t focus on reading a single chapter in a training manual even if you could see it. You’re too preoccupied with your own psychotic whims that you can’t focus on what lies directly in front of you. Your attention falters unless it has something to do with your own ego or a scene of violence. The brain is a muscle, and if you don’t exercise it, it falters. From the clues you’ve hinted to me, you’ve eliminated your entire support structure.”“But I have the Joker’s madness! His insight combined with your intellect. The unbeatable combination!”“The Joker was a sick man. More than he realized. Sick in mind, but also sick in body. I’ve seen the medical records from his physicals he received every time he was admitted to Arkham. X-rays of his brain and the diagnosis: Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease caused by exposure to industrial chemicals. Either that, or he simply had a family history of it. Symptoms include problems with muscle coordination, personality changes including impaired memory, judgment, and thinking, insomnia, depression, or unusual sensations, as well as impaired vision. You will eventually lose the ability to move and speak, and become comatose. You are living under a death sentence just like he did. That ‘unbeatable intellect’ you boasted of is declining day by day. I’d say you have possibly another six months before you go totally blind and enter a coma where you will then perish without medical attention. No wonder you wear the blindfold. You won’t be needing those eyes soon. The Joker was lucky; he lived with it for years and remained somewhat functional. But then he had his stays at Arkham where he received the best medical care provided by generous grants of the Wayne Foundation. You have no such thing. You’re on your own”The dopple was in the oddest position possible, a frozen frenzy.“I have Barbatos protecting me! He would not let me die to some mundane illness! The Multiverse will fall by our hand, Bruce! Barbatos will reign! I have allies, other Yous from different doomed worlds. They’ve all killed their Leagues. We will do the same here! Do you know how many Justice Leagues we've ground to dust?”“Not if Barbatos puts his faith on pathetic, ineffective knockoffs like yourself. If he has, then he’s already lost. As to the Leagues? My guess is, you took them by complete surprise. That won't work here. As much as I ride Superman, that brain is in fact a steel trap, and he learns like a star afire. And Kal is the LEAST intellectual of my friends.”“My allies...my Dark Knights will-”“-will abandon you at the first opportunity.” Batman interrupted. “You’re far too insane to be allowed to be in charge, even if they’re all half as evil and insane as you they’ll realize that immediately. If they’re all me, then they've all fought the Joker at one time or another. And you’re too similar to the Joker to be trusted. That’s the very first lesson you get when you put on the mask.”The Laughing Batman tried to regain his footing.“Heh! You think you’re clever. You think you can stop me with your words? I have been imbued with certain authority. Special powers.”Batman once more showed his contempt, by turning his back on his enemy.“Save it. If you could do anything of the sort, you would have already. I never monologued with an opponent if I could just take him out, quickly, effectively. Only times I was guilty of that was if I needed to buy time or bluff. See I know all about you as well. I know your situation, and I have seen you in the mirror.”“Barbatos will-”Batman shook his head.“Barbatos, whoever he is, has clearly abandoned you. He's also not my first evil deity. If you need the blessings of a dark god - assuming he really is one, and not just an opportunistic spirit - instead of relying on yourself and your trusted allies then you’re already an utter disgrace to the Bat’s legacy. I taught all my Robins that important lesson. What do you teach yours? I’ll wager it’s silly party tricks and how to apply lipstick and face paint.”It was then that the Batman Who Laughs removed his last remaining trump card from a holster on his utility belt.“See this, Brucie?” he snickered. “It’s the gun that killed your parents. I take it everywhere as a reminder. They died because they lived by ethical codes. That was the lesson in this alley. We’ll come full circle. Now we can complete the loop and close the circle.”“That? That gun right there? What is it to me? It's just a piece of interlocking metal parts used to propel another piece of metal. I confiscate hundreds of them from criminals every year. The good cops of Gotham PD use them in their field of work. If you expected a visceral reaction and me recoiling in fear, you're not getting it. Besides, that isn't the gun that killed my parents. It's the one that killed yours. And now you're pointing it at a version of yourself in a version of Crime Alley. I think Freud might have something to say about your situation. Just fire the damn thing if it makes you feel better."In hiss of fury, the Batman Who Laughs fired off six shots in the direction of Batman’s voice. Each and every bullet missed."That's why eyesight is important. Echolocation can only carry you so far."The Batman Who Laughs pulled back and reared up his oversized cape."YOU’RE THE SETUP! I’M THE PUNCHLINE! I AM CHAOS! I AM BRUTALITY! I AM THE DARKNESS! I AM THE..."To his absolute shame and horror, the Batman Who Laughs realized something. The Batman was now no longer in sight, or anywhere nearby."NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO MEEEEEE!"It was then that he felt it, felt the favor and the blessing of Barbatos leave him. He had never felt so diminished, like a man made of leaves that the slightest breeze could disperse.“Robins!” he called out. “Attend to me. Attend to Daddy!”But unbeknownst to the Laughable Bats, his Robins lay unconscious. Two of them had tranquilizers in their necks. One had been karate-chopped into the same state as the others. One had become hopelessly entangled in its chains and couldn’t even stand up.(Which was fortunate as the Robin in question was particularly hungry; having been neglected by its keeper for days. Had it been free, it was quite likely that the Robin would very much like to feed upon the flesh of said keeper.)“Bryce? Dawnbreaker? Devastator? Anyone? Come here!” he called their names and titles. But not one of them came to his aid. If they had, they would have looked upon him with disgust at his weakness. Such was the arrogance and contempt that came with power towards the powerless.“Alfred? Dick? Clark? Diana? Jordan? J’ohn?” His voice changed, lost its edge of madness, came to resemble the Bruce of old. A moment of clarity. A second of sanity and remorse. “I’m sorry… Please forgive me...”And so the Bruce Wayne of Earth -22 kneeled in the nightmare of Crime Alley, and began to laugh. But this was not the joyous triumphant laughter like the Joker he imitated, but the wracking sobs of a broken soul beyond hope, beyond redeeming.

20. THE JOKER (CESAR ROMERO)(Photo by 20th Century Fox)The big screen’s first Joker was also television’s original Crown Prince of Crime. Romero memorably gave the character his psychotic laugh and off-kilter sense of humor. In the film, he also succeeds at being a cabin boy to a senile admiral. Armed with his repertoire and a “dehydration” gun, the Joker — along with the Penguin (Burgess Meredith), Catwoman (Lee Meriwether) and the Riddler (Frank Gorshin) — creates plenty of trouble for the Dynamic Duo.Film Appearances: Batman: The Movie (1966), though he previously appeared in the Batman TV series.Tomatometer: 80%North American Box Office: $1.7 millionDestruction Factor: Turns the “United World” Security Council to a fine powder.Memorable Line: “I’m afraid they’ll find our humor very, very dry!”Powers: Puns and gag weapons.Cosplay Cred: Few are ever willing to grow a Romero mustache for the perfect Joker ’66 look.19. NEVILLE SINCLAIR (TIMOTHY DALTON)(Photo by Walt Disney Studios)As a deep-cover spy, Neville Sinclair was the toast of Hollywood with the ability to bed any woman and earn the trust of any man. But his attempt to secure Howard Hughes’s (Terry O’Quinn) experimental rocket pack fills him with a particular mania that serves to be his undoing. Also: his sophisticated movie star image is the perfect counterpoint to the unkempt style of the Rocketeer (Billy Campbell).Film Appearances: The Rocketeer (1991)Tomatometer: 62%US Box Office: $46.7 millionDestruction Factor: Assists in the destruction of a dirigible, the rocket pack itself, and a portion of the “Hollywoodland” sign.Memorable Line: “It wasn’t lies, Jenny. It vas acting.”Powers: A strong resemblance to Errol Flynn and Timothy Dalton.Cosplay Cred: Sadly, none.18. THE PHANTASM (DANA DELANY)(Photo by Warner Bros.)The Phantasm is one of the most personal villains the animated Batman (Kevin Conroy) ever faced. In costume, the Phantasm speaks with the voice of Stacy Keach and strikes terror into Gotham’s organized crime families. But in reality, she is Andrea Beaumont (Dana Delany), the only woman who could ever pull Bruce Wayne away from his life as a vigilante. Sadly, the dissolution of their relationship leads them both to don masks and face the City’s worst criminals.Film Appearances: Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)Tomatometer: 82%US Box Office: $5.6 millionDestruction Factor: Batman’s heart.Memorable Line: “Your Angel of Death awaits.”Powers: Combat training and smoke bombs.Cosplay Cred: Rare, but it’s memorable when you spot a Phantasm cosplay in the wild.17. MR. GLASS (SAMUEL L. JACKSON)Though he seems to be a mentor, Elijah Price is really the architect of all of David Dunn’s (Bruce Willis) problems. (Sorry: Spoiler.) Though he is the only person to recognize the presence of superpowers in the world, years of abuse and neglect — to say nothing of his brittle bones — lead him to one conclusion: be the supervillain the world needs to find the hero it requires.Film Appearances: Unbreakable (2000), thought M. Night Shyamalan is currently working on a follow-up for 2019 called, appropriately, Glass.Tomatometer: 68%Worldwide Box Office: $248.1 millionDestruction Factor: Derails a train to prove David is indestructible, among other acts of terrorism.Memorable Line: “They called me Mr. Glass!”Powers: A terrifying intellect.Cosplay Cred: A surprisingly rare occurrence at comic cons.16. MYSTIQUE (REBECCA ROMIJN)(Photo by 20th Century Fox)As both spy and confidant to Magneto (Ian McKellen), Mystique relies on her top martial arts skills and mutant ability to blend into any environment. But she is also the most visible example of Magneto’s crusade. Though she can choose to appear as anyone she wishes, Mystique’s natural blue serpentine appearance inspires fear in the world. The character was so memorable in the initial X-Men film series that the current cycle revolves around her, now played by Jennifer Lawrence.Film Appearances: The X-Men franchise.Tomatometer: X-Men: 81% (Certified Fresh), X2: X-Men United: 85% (Certified Fresh), X-Men: The Last Stand: 58%Worldwide Box Office: X-Men: $296.3 million, X2: X-Men United: $407.7 million, X-Men: The Last Stand: $459.3 millionDestruction Factor: Though she has been known to blow stuff up now and again, that isn’t really her style. Instead she sows confusion and wreaks havoc by manipulating her foes.Memorable Line: “You know, people like you are the reason I was afraid to go to school as a child.”Powers: Shape-shifting.Cosplay Cred: An extremely tough look to pull off at comic cons.15. “BAD” SUPERMAN (CHRISTOPHER REEVE)(Photo by Warner Bros.)When Superman is overcome by the toxic effects of Gus Gorman’s (Richard Pryor) counterfeit Kryptonite, he turns into a self-centered jerk who would rather make time with a pretty lady than save a bunch of bus passengers on a disintegrating bridge. Reeve’s attempt to channel an all-id Superman does feel more “bad” than evil, but it provides a fun opportunity for Reeve to play against himself and presents the first on-screen exploration of an idea — “What if Superman were evil?” — that would become a major theme driving the narrative behind movies like Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justiceand Suicide Squad.Film Appearances: Superman III (1983)Tomatometer: 26%US Box Office: $60 millionDestruction Factor: Straightening the Leaning Tower of Pisa ruined the Italian economy.Memorable Line: “You always wanted to fly, Kent!”Powers: All the powers of a Superman, but he’d rather drink Johnny Walker Red.Cosplay Cred: Not nearly as common as it should be.14. JOKER (JACK NICHOLSON)The merger of Nicholson’s persona with the Joker is one of Batman’s great strengths, but the performance is more nuanced than many gave it credit for at the time. Once he falls into the Axis Chemicals acid and adopts his clown persona, Nicholson loses some of his iconic cool to dig into the louder, broader aspects of Gotham’s #1 villain (e.g. the Smilex commercial). A consummate foe for the Batman of the late 1980s.Film Appearances: Batman (1989)Tomatometer: 72%Worldwide Box Office: $411.3 millionDestruction Factor: Kills his boss, fries a business rival, and poisons Gotham City.Memorable Line: “Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?”Powers: Knowledge of chemistry and a flair for the theatrical.Cosplay Cred: A fairly rare sight as other takes on the Joker became more popular.13. SYNDROME (JASON LEE)(Photo by Walt Disney Studios)The ultimate sycophant, Syndrome (née Buddy Pine) was a precursor of the sort of fan culture that eats itself for some perceived lack of purity. His jealousy of the supers leads to a lot of strife for the Parr Family and an America burnt out on superheroes. Nonetheless, his actions also lead to a possible return of heroes, despite an attempt to even the playing field.Film Appearances: The Incredibles (2004)Tomatometer: 97% (Certified Fresh)Worldwide Box Office: $633 millionDestruction Factor: His robots leave a path of destruction through the metro area the Parrs call home.Memorable Line: “And when everyone’s super, no one will be.”Powers: Zero point energy manipulation via technology.Cosplay Cred: Virtually nonexistent, though memorably spotted on occasion.12. ULTRON (JAMES SPADER)(Photo by Marvel Studios)As the personification of Tony Stark’s (Robert Downey Jr.) id, Ultron’s attempts to secure the planet make clear Tony’s greatest failing: he cannot see the human cost in any of his endeavors. Powered by the Mind Stone, Ultron makes a final, ugly calculation in regards to humanity and sets out to destroy it. Also, since he’s based on Tony’s brain patterns, he quips. A lot.Film Appearances: Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)Tomatometer: 75% (Certified Fresh)Worldwide Box Office: $1.41 billionDestruction Factor: Raises – and razes – the entire nation of Sokovia; the ramifications of which are still being felt throughout the Marvel Cinematic Universe.Memorable Line: “When the dust settles, the only thing living in this world will be metal.”Powers: All the powers of an Iron Man, multiplied by the ability to self-replicate infinitely.Cosplay Cred: Extremely rare, though a few Ultrons appeared at cons after the film’s release.11. CATWOMAN (MICHELLE PFEIFFER)(Photo by Warner Bros.)While DC Comics’ favorite cat burglar skirts the line between villain and ne’er-do-well, Catwoman’s initial involvement in a plot to disgrace Batman (Michael Keaton) earns her a spot on the list. Pfeiffer’s performance defined the character for a long time – even if she was partly inspired by the TV Catwomen of the 1960s – as she fought Batman and her own turmoil. In the end, her Catwoman chose her own way and never appeared in a film again. Not that anyone has ever been able to forget her.Film Appearances: Batman Returns (1992)Tomatometer: 81% (Certified Fresh)Worldwide Box Office: $266.8 millionDestruction Factor: She blows up Schreck’s Department Store in an early show of strength.Memorable Line: “Meow.”Powers: Nine lives and a filing system that is unstoppable.Cosplay Cred: Though the film is over 25 years old, this Catwoman costume is still popular.10. THE WINTER SOLDIER (SEBASTIAN STAN)(Photo by Zade Rosenthal/Walt Disney Studios)Yes, yes, he isn’t a villain by choice, as he’s very much a weapon of Hydra in the film, but Bucky Barnes is very effective at playing the part. His Soviet brainwashing is so effective that, when activated, almost no emotional appeal will work on him. Well, at least until his old friend Steve Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America (Chris Evans), finally breaks through. And, really, Bucky’s relationship with Steve is part of what makes him so compelling.Film Appearances: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) and Captain America: Civil War (2016), though Sebastian Stan first played Bucky Barnes in Captain America: The First Avenger (2011).Tomatometer: Captain America: The Winter Soldier: 89% (Certified Fresh), Captain America: Civil War: 91% (Certified Fresh)Worldwide Box Office: Captain America: The Winter Soldier: $714.3 million, Captain America: Civil War: $1.15 billionDestruction Factor: Assists in bringing down S.H.I.E.L.D. and its helicarrier fleet.Memorable Line: “Who the hell is Bucky?”Powers: Heightened strength and agility, a cybernetic vibranium arm.Cosplay Cred: A beloved fixture of con-going cosplayers.9. VULTURE (MICHAEL KEATON)(Photo by Sony Pictures)Despite a strong work ethic and good management skills, Adrian Toomes turned to crime when Tony Stark and government officials bulldozed over his contract to clean up Manhattan following the Battle of New York. Granted, the swiftness with which he became a black market weapons manufacturer suggests all he ever needed was a gentle shove to embrace villainy. But the opening scene of Spider-Man: Homecoming made him immediately understandable and compelling as a villain; and even sympathetic once his relationship to Spider-Man’s (Tom Holland) world is revealed.Film Appearances: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)Tomatometer: 92% (Certified Fresh)Worldwide Box Office: $880.1 millionDestruction Factor: Rips a ferry in half, crashes a Stark Industries jet, and blasts Logan Marshall-Green out of the MCU.Memorable Line: “The rich, the powerful, like Stark, they don’t care about us! The world’s changed boys. Time we change too!”Powers: A flying rig based on crashed Chitauri tech.Cosplay Cred: Surprisingly rare costume in spite of a great adaptation of the comic book Vulture’s look.8. LEX LUTHOR (GENE HACKMAN)Excusing some of the camp value to Hackman’s Luthor – particularly in the sequel – he exudes the key quality of Superman’s archfoe: egotism. Luthor, a real estate swindler in these films, only decides to fight Superman because his ego dictates it. Consequently, Superman cannot really appeal to his emotions; none are present as he plans to remake the West Coast in his image.Film Appearances: Superman (1978), Superman II (1981)Tomatometer: Superman: 93%, Superman II: 87%Worldwide Box Office: Superman: $300 million, Superman II: $156.9 millionDestruction Factor: Nearly sank California into the Pacific.Memorable Line: “There’s a strong streak of good in you, Superman. But then, nobody’s perfect… almost nobody.”Powers: He is the greatest criminal mind of his time. He also owns a hefty Kryptonite necklace that he uses to weaken Superman.Cosplay Cred: Between Hackman’s refusal to go bald and the appalling 1970s fashions, he is a truly rare cosplay sight.7. ZEMO (DANIEL BRUHL)(Photo by Marvel Studios)Currently, the Avengers’ greatest foe is not a flamboyant god or a maniacal robot, but a sad, quiet man with a detailed plan and working knowledge of governmental procedures. Zemo destabilizes the world for a very personal and, ultimately, small goal: hurt the Avengers the way they hurt him. He also succeeds, leaving Captain America a fugitive and Tony Stark so isolated that he has to pal around with a spider-themed teenager hero.Film Appearances: Captain America: Civil War (2016)Tomatometer: 91% (Certified Fresh)Worldwide Box Office: $1.15 billionDestruction Factor: With some smoke, a few explosions, and a very inconvenient truth, he brings down the Avengers. He also murders a few people along the way.Memorable Line: “An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again, but one which crumbles from within? That’s dead… forever.”Powers: Determination.Cosplay Cred: Despite his comic book counterpart’s incredible fashion sense, the Marvel Cinematic Universe version inspires few to dress up.6. DOCTOR OCTOPUS (ALFRED MOLINA)(Photo by Columbia Pictures courtesy Everett Collection)One of the most sympathetic villains on the list, Molina’s Doc Ock was as much a victim of his passions as he was a willing accomplice in a plan to destroy Spider-Man. The cruelty that emerges in him came from his cybernetic implants; a crucial detail that becomes clear when he finally reasserts control and realizes he was trying to kill his friend Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire). Also, the warmth with which he welcomes Peter — a guy in desperate need of a positive male role model — makes his turn all the more tragic.Film Appearances: Spider-Man 2 (2004)Tomatometer: 93% (Certified Fresh)Worldwide Box Office: $783.8 millionDestruction Factor: His lab is completely destroyed during an experiment. He also leaves his mark on New York skyscrapers and the subway lines.Memorable Line: “I will not die a monster.”Powers: Super-tough robotic appendages.Cosplay Cred: Popular in the wake of the film’s release, but has since faded.5. GENERAL ZOD (TERENCE STAMP)(Photo by Warner Bros.)Thanks to Stamp, Zod is as much a staple in Superman’s rogues gallery as Lex Luthor. Seemingly reserved, Zod can lash out without hesitation. Despite the air of refinement Stamp gives the character, he is just another petty dictator — a point underscored when he takes control of the White House (and, by implication, the world) only to suffer from conqueror’s boredom. Superman’s return late in the film comes as a relief to Zod, as debasing the son of Jor-El gives him something to do.Film Appearances: Superman (1978), Superman II (1981)Tomatometer: 87%Worldwide Box Office: Superman: $300 million, Superman II: $156.9 millionDestruction Factor: He and his cohorts reshape Mount Rushmore and pummel the West Wing. They also make insurance premiums rise in Metropolis again.Memorable Line: “Come to me, son of Jor-El! Kneel before Zod!”Powers: All the powers of a Superman plus advanced military training.Cosplay Cred: Zod’s look is just a little too disco for most cosplayers.4. KILLMONGER (MICHAEL B. JORDAN)(Photo by © Marvel and © Walt Disney Pictures)The secret shame of Wakanda, Erik “Killmonger” Stevens (Michael B. Jordan) presents a legitimate concern to King T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) and his subjects, even if his methods are woefully misguided: Should Wakanda reveal itself to the outside world and help those who live with the legacy of the African slave trade? The character’s heady subtext is backed by Jordan’s gifted abilities as a performer.Film Appearances: Black Panther (2018)Tomatometer: 96% (Certified Fresh)Worldwide Box Office (To Date): $1.34 billionDestruction Factor: Destroys all but one of the heart-shaped herbs, which is far more devastating than any property damage he caused in the film.Memorable Line: “Nah, just bury me in the ocean with my ancestors that jumped from ships. ‘Cause they knew death was better than bondage.”Powers: Thanks to the heart-shaped herb, all the powers of Black Panther; Navy SEAL training.Cosplay Cred: Few could wait for a comic convention to dress in Killmonger’s now-iconic London look. Cosplayers dressed in his subsequent battle suit, which looks suspiciously like Vegeta’s from Dragonball Z, shortly after.3. MAGNETO (IAN MCKELLEN)(Photo by 20th Century Fox Film Corp.)Erik Magnus Lehnsherr is one of the most compelling antagonists in comics and film for one simple reason: he’s pretty much right. His methods may be unquestionably cruel to conventional humans, but he recognizes two sapient species cannot share the planet. Violence, subjugation, and pain are inevitable. And when his point of view is given McKellen’s voice, it becomes incredibly persuasive. The more optimistic philosophy of the X-Men looks naïve and childish in comparison.Film Appearances: The X-Men FranchiseTomatometer: X-Men: 81% (Certified Fresh), X2: X-Men United: 85% (Certified Fresh), X-Men: The Last Stand: 58%, X-Men: Days of Future Past: 90%Worldwide Box Office: X-Men: $296.3 million, X2: X-Men United: $407.7 million, X-Men: The Last Stand: $459.4 million, X-Men: Days of Future Past: $747.9 millionDestruction Factor: He moves the Golden Gate Bridge to Alcatraz, turns Senator Kelly (Bruce Davison) into a water creature, and renders a sick burn unto Rogue (Anna Paquin) about the white stripe in her hair.Memorable Line: “Let’s just say God works too slowly.”Powers: The ability to manipulate all metal.Cosplay Cred: His initial low-key look is rarely imitated these days.2. LOKI (TOM HIDDLESTON)(Photo by Zade Rosenthal/Walt Disney Studios)The power of persuasion is also a major weapon in the arsenal of the God of Lies. Loki is charismatic, witty, exciting, and a sharp dresser. He’s that bad boy who looks redeemable even as he opens a wormhole to let the Chitauri invade Earth. But then he has a good explanation for his bad choices: he was raised by the god who kidnapped him from his real family. And he means to do good, so shouldn’t that be enough? It’s no wonder Loki returns to the MCU time and again; his brand of villainy looks like it can be reasoned with. Even if he betrays Thor again, again, and again.Film Appearances: Thor (2011), The Avengers (2012), Thor: The Dark World (2013), and Thor: Ragnarok (2017), though he’s less a villain than a trickster — and even a bit of a hero — in the latter two.Tomatometer: Thor: 77%, The Avengers: 92%, Thor: The Dark World: 66%, Thor: Ragnarok: 92%Worldwide Box Office: Thor: $449.3 million, The Avengers: 1.52 million, Thor: The Dark World: $644.6 million, Thor: Ragnarok: $853.5 millionDestruction Factor: He seizes the throne of Asgard and almost murders Thor, then later precipitates the Battle of New York, which alerts the world to the presence of superpowered beings.Memorable Line: “You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.”Powers: God-level abilities and a snake-oil salesman’s tongue.Cosplay Cred: A perennial favorite, though his formal tux from Avengers was more popular in the wake of the film’s release.1. JOKER (HEATH LEDGER)Ryan FujitaniIn an age when origins are required, Ledger’s Joker arrived on the scene without a name, place of birth, or a particular ambition. As Alfred (Michael Caine) put it, he just wants to see the world burn, and he even tells Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) as much late in the film. His complete lack of backstory and motivation makes him the most unpredictable, dangerous supervillain on this list, and the purity of his cruelty makes him the most fascinating.Film Appearances: The Dark Knight (2008)Tomatometer: 94%Worldwide Box Office: $1 billionDestruction Factor: Took out most of Gotham’s entrenched mafia, destroyed Harvey Dent, and made the Batman Gotham’s Number One criminal.Memorable Line: “Why so serious?”Powers: NoneCosplay Cred: Thanks to the alterations to the classic Joker look, Ledger’s Joker costume remains popular at cons and at Halloween.

In prehistoric times some 150 tribes of Celts ran all of Western Europe from the Rhine to the British Isles. They were Druids who worshiped trees, and spoke Gaelic not Latin or Greek or German. The biggest tribe were the Gauls in modern-day France. For centuries they terrorized the Romans and even invaded Greece and settled in Anatolia (Asia Minor), becoming the Galatians.Celts - WikipediaDruid - WikipediaGaelic - WikipediaGauls - WikipediaGallic Invasions of Italy Heritage History - ProductsCeltic settlement of Southeast Europe - WikipediaGalatians - WikipediaThen along came Julius Caesar, who made a career out of killing Celts, and wiped them out of the continent, also giving those in the Isles some scares with raids. The biggest Celtic tribe in the Isles were the guess what, Britons.Julius Caesar - WikipediaGallic Wars - WikipediaCeltic Britons - WikipediaAfter Caesar was assassinated in 44 B.C.E., Roman progress in the Isles slowed down, but they finally took all of England in 43 C.E.,, causing the remaining Celts to run to the hills, hiding in Wales and the highlands of Scotland and just trying to survive and preserve their language and culture. The Celts in Scotland were called Picts (“painted people”) by the Romans from their habit of tattooing their bodies with horrible masks and fighting naked, the origin of Halloween costumes.History of Scotland - WikipediaHistory of Wales - WikipediaPicts - WikipediaRoman Britain - WikipediaHalloween - WikipediaThe Celts in Britain made their last stand in 60–61 C.E., led by Ice er, Iceni queen Boudicca, who ravaged the Roman fort of Londinium and several other towns, until she made the big mistake of meeting the well-trained professional Roman soldiers in equal battle in the field, only to see her much larger army of amateurs massacred and she committed suicide in grief. Even dumber, she was so confident of success she let the old people, women, and children hang out in the rear to watch the fun, and they were massacred too. No wonder she ended it rather than be taken captive.Boudica - WikipediaLondinium - WikipediaAfter that, those who stood and fought the Romans were killed, and those who surrendered were made to join the Romans in killing their fellow Celts with their language and culture banned, which is the origin of the Englishman. Only those who ran and hid preserved their Celtic language and culture. Too bad, Druid priests were prohibited by their religion from writing their culture down, passing it orally from generation to generation instead, so it was some kind of miracle that it was preserved at all, and there are still large missing gaps.The Romans then created and secured the Roman province of Britannia, and filled it with Roman-style villas complete with steam heat and baths, while turning Celts into serfs working their plantations and mines so they could send fat ships loaded with loot back to Rome. This could have gone forever if the Roman Empire, which reached its maximum extent under Hadrian weren’t besieged by external enemies, mainly the Germans, who finally disintegrated and destroyed it in 476 C.E.Britannia - WikipediaIn 122 after Roman Emperor Hadrian (first with a beard, like Celtic men wore) led his army into N England to finish off the pesky wild Celts and couldn’t do it, he ordered Hadrian’s Wall built to permanently fence out the indomitable pests. Bits and pieces of it remain to this day, and are big tourist traps. This luckily insured the preservation of the Celtic language and culture in Scotland.Hadrian - WikipediaHadrian's Wall - WikipediaMeanwhile Christianity slowly spread. The Christians in Britain were mostly a a unique breed of Catholic called Celtic Christians, who had diverged from Rome on several issues, starting with the date of Easter and the tonsure of clerics, and tended to recognize the bishop of Constantinople as the #1 bishop of Christendom rather than the bishop of Rome.Celtic Christianity - WikipediaIn the early 5th century British Roman Catholic missionary St. Ninian (d. 432) allegedly converted the Picts of S Scotland to Roman Catholicism, only to be undone 2 centuries later by St. Aidan of Lindisfarne (d. 651), who converted them to Celtic Christianity. The conversion of the Picts to Roman Catholicism was really accomplished by Irish missionary St. Columba (Columcille) (d. 597) in the late 5th century, and Aidan turned them into heretic Arians?Ninian - WikipediaAidan of Lindisfarne - WikipediaColumba - WikipediaWhen the Roman troops vacated Britain in the early 400s, the Celts came back down from their hiding places and tried to take their old land back, only to see waves of pagan Germans (Angles, Saxons, Jutes) rush over the English Channel to take their place, causing them to run back to their old hiding places. The Germans went on to set up the Germanic pagan kingdoms of Kent (main town Canterbury or the Burg of Kent), Essex (East Saxony (including Londinium)), Sussex (South Saxony), Wessex (West Saxony), Mercia, and Northumbria.Anglo-Saxon settlement of Britain - WikipediaThe Germans liked to call non-Latin-speaking former subjects of Rome Wiliscs, which when they went to Britain became Welsh, meaning not a specific Celtic tribe but what was left of all the tribes who were thrown together.Welsh (surname) - WikipediaThe Romans left Ireland alone, allowing them to make their living as pirates on Roman shipping. This resulted in the pope sending St. Patrick to Ireland in the mid-400s as the Western Roman Empire was crumbling to convert them from pagan Druids to good Roman Catholics, and he was a raving success, using the 3-leaf clover as God’s proof of the Trinity.History of Ireland - WikipediaSaint Patrick - WikipediaArianism - WikipediaAfter the Germans took over Rome and split up the Western Roman Empire, the pope in Rome found himself surrounded by a sea of heretic Arian Christians, causing him to become a political figure forever scheming to make his Church #1 in Europe. He finally allied with the Roman Catholic tribe of Franks beyond the Rhine to conquer Gaul and become his de facto army for centuries.Franks - WikipediaIn the early 500s Gaelic-speaking Celtic King Arthur of Wales allegedly flourished, fighting off the pesky Saxons to maintain his Camelot with the help of his Druid priest Merlin in the epic Battle of Baden (Badon) Hill or Mons Baden.King Arthur - WikipediaBattle of Badon - WikipediaIrish monks preserved learning during the Dark Ages caused by the fall of the Western Roman Empire, and sent missionaries to Britain and Europe to convert the remaining pagans and some Roman Catholics into their Celtic breed of cat, but by the Synod of Whitby in 666 they all became good Roman Catholics.Ireland brought civilisation to Dark Ages BritainSynod of Whitby - WikipediaMeanwhile way up in remote W Scotland, the Roman Catholic Scoti tribe of E Ireland settled, creating the kingdom of Dalriada (Dal Riata), who fought with the Picts on the E side for centuries, until Kenneth MacAlpine united them in 839 as the kingdom of Alba (white), which became Scotland. In battles, the warriors would cry “Alba Go Bragh”, which is Gaelic for “Alba Forever” (Alba until Judgment Day).Scoti - WikipediaDál Riata - WikipediaKenneth MacAlpin - WikipediaKingdom of Alba - WikipediaAbout 600 C.E. the pope sent monk Augustine to be the first Roman Catholic archbishop of Canterbury in Kent, giving Roman Catholicism its first toehold. Too bad, after his death, they went pagan again, and it took centuries to Christianize all the Anglo-Saxon kingdoms. The usual approach was to convert the king (after getting to him through his wife), who then ordered his subjects to be baptized. Still, many allegedly Christian Celts were Druid inside, and would sneak out into the groves at night to hold their festivities, later spawning the legend of witches after the Church, er, the formerly pagan Roman Empire outlawed paganism, especially their kind, and made it equal to worship of the Devil.Augustine of Canterbury - WikipediaIn the late 700s Frankish king Charlemagne cut his teeth fighting Muslims in Spain, learning about their convert-or-die policy for conquered peoples and adopting it himself, which was called Sword and Cross, meaning take the cross or you’ll get the sword, ending centuries of sending unarmed non-violent Christian missionaries to pagan kings to try to convert them with words. Actually, Muslims gave a third option of paying lifetime tribute (jizya) to not be killed, financing their armies to conquer their neighbors. After crushing the Saxon male population and forcing their widows and orphans to convert to Christianity, he made the mistake of attacking the Norse, who didn’t get mad they got even, beginning annual raids down to his land, throwing France into a dark period of siege mentality that resulted in Feudalism, in which formerly free farmers had to give their lands to the local lord and swear allegiance (fealty) if they wanted to hide behind his castle walls during the next Viking raid.Charlemagne - WikipediaFeudalism - WikipediaIn the 790s the madass pagan Vikings began raiding the coasts of Europe and the Isles, tangling with Celts and sometimes allying with them against the Saxons of S England, who ran all of Britain by the time of Alfred the Great of Wessex in 899.Vikings - WikipediaViking Age - WikipediaAlfred the Great - WikipediaThe mainly Danish Vikings made big incursions in Ireland and Scotland too, setting up the ports of Dublin (841) and York (Jorvik) (866) while raiding Anglo-Saxon England regularly, conquering and settling NE England and terrorizing the Anglo-Saxons down south and eventually modifying the English language with Norse, finally becoming good Englishmen, although to this day they have a curious Yorkie dialect and accent and are regarded as hillbillies by Londoners. At their height they set up Danelaw, a yearly tribune the terrified Anglo-Saxons had to pay to not be raided. In Scotland the New Year’s holiday of Hogmanay was later developed to celebrate the survival of these invasions, with the first person to knock on a family’s door judged as Norse if they are tow-headed and kept out, else if they are dark-haired taken for a Scot and let in.Dublin - WikipediaYork - WikipediaDanelaw - WikipediaHogmanay - WikipediaWhen the year 1000 rolled around, the Vikings converted to Roman Catholic Christianity en masse, victims of Christian propaganda that Christ would return after a thousand years, so they better hurry to save themselves. The Christian cross looked a lot like Thor’s hammer anyway.Millennialism - WikipediaMeanwhile a large party of pagan Norse invaded France down the Seine in the early 900s, and Paris was saved by French king Charles the Simple, who gave them the west side of France in return for converting to Christianity, learning French, and becoming good Frenchmen. Thus were born the Normans (Northmen).Normans - WikipediaCharles the Simple - WikipediaToo bad, the French taught these seafarers known for their longboats to ride horses, creating the Norman knights, who sold themselves as mercenaries all over Europe, and famously invaded England in 1066 and conquered the Saxons, forever changing history, reducing the Anglo-Saxon nobility and commoners to what they called dogs and trying to make them give up their German tongue, which they never quite pulled off, but introduced several French words into their dialect of German, which already included some Gaelic and Danish words, creating the kitchen sink English language. The Celts could do little more than stay in hiding.Norman conquest of England - WikipediaHistory of English - WikipediaSlowly the Celts were civilized from big-bearded hillbilly Druids who worshiped trees to good Roman Catholics, and some nobles intermarried with Normans and Anglo-Saxons, especially in Scotland, changing the population makeup and reducing pure Gaelic-speaking Celts in the Highlands more and more to an underclass of serfs. Lowland Scots, especially in the big cities of Edinburgh and Glasgow adopted English, developing their own Scottish dialect.Scots language - WikipediaIn the 1170s the Normans succeeded in conquering Ireland, turning its population into dogs like they had done to the Anglo-Saxons. Ireland became known as the Isle of Ire, describing their bitterness at unjust oppression that continues to this day.Norman invasion of Ireland - WikipediaBy the 1290s Wales had been taken over and the Scots were on the verge of being totally exterminated by cruel Norman English king Edward I Longshanks, until a hero arose, knighted commoner Sir William Wallace, who united the Scottish commoners and taught them how to fight for their free-ee-ee-dom, while having to suffer the Scottish nobility’s divided loyalties, who finally betrayed him to the stankin’ English, who took him to be crucified like Christ in London in 1305, which finally motivated half-Scot half-Norman fence-sitter Scottish wannabe king Robert the Bruce to unite the nobles and commoners and lead them to a big victory at Bannockburn in 1314 that ultimately won them their freedom for centuries and saved their culture.Edward I of England - WikipediaWilliam Wallace - WikipediaRobert the Bruce - WikipediaBattle of Bannockburn - WikipediaRead my take on these events in my free online essay:The True Untold Story of Scotland, the Celts, and Sir William WallaceGo into depth with my free historyscopes:TLW's Ancient Romescope™, by T.L. Winslow (TLW), "The Historyscoper"™TLW's Ancient Greecescope™, by T.L. Winslow (TLW), "The Historyscoper"™TLW's Englandscope™, by T.L. Winslow (TLW), "The Historyscoper"™TLW's Irelandscope™, by T.L. Winslow (TLW), "The Historyscoper"™TLW's Scotlandscope™, by T.L. Winslow (TLW), "The Historyscoper"™TLW's Londonscope™, by T.L. Winslow (TLW), "The Historyscoper"™Historyscope of the Roman Catholic Popes, by T.L. Winslow (TLW), "The Historyscoper"™