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A 100% yes and 70% no for I loved him.I am a 32 year old Indian girl, married for 4 years.First a background: Love marriage. Met during engineering. inter-religion (Hindu and Sikh), though similar class. Married after 9 years of first meeting each other.It was always my mistake. I was always a perceived threat as per him in retrospect. There were a million red flags right from college days but I truly was blinded in love.I was - more intelligent. Extrovert. Loved talking to people and was always happy.He was - Kind and charming. Always politically correct. A noble person as no-one must have ever met. Yet very angry, and complaining.I say more intelligent because I got through the engineering seat on merit, and him through his fathers money. My CGPA was always higher than his until I let it freefall for I seldom cared for marks over happiness.He was a sweetheart to begin with. Probably still is. But, was also very possessive. Enough that I graduated with almost no friends of my own despite staying in the girls hostel for 4 long years owing to either his possessiveness, or my friends (who counted) disliked him to the core and took no pains in hiding the fact. We eventually fell apart but he stayed.More often than not, when I was working my first job in an IT major company, the daily routine was - call from cab and answer who you sitting next to in the office cab, call in the lunch hour and call when you reach home.These were warning signs which I ignored and that is my biggest regret. I had grown accustomed to the interrogation. To small fights and disagreements. Enough that I resigned within the first few months of my first job and instead did MBA assuming that to be easier.However, only the reasons changed, fights did not. I was again rushing back home as soon as the class ended, never going out with girl friends from MBA class, and whatever. 2 years passed in a flash and here again I missed all the red flags.I was probably avoiding change as had lost my father back during engineering college suddenly and didn't want to loose him as well. He was my weakness. His smile and happy promises. His jokes and kindness to people.Yet again, I worked my second job. Quit. Got married.He did slap me once or twice but had always apologised profusely blaming his anger. But now, the slaps became a habit. Physical, mental, emotional abuse was the norm. His parents never interfered because they were a modern family and didn't interfere in the kids lives. Now, it was not his anger which was the cause, but my mistake who instigated him and enjoyed being slapped (as per him).I often felt alone. It was pointless to speak because it was always my word against his mother or the servant and I was always held wrong. It went down to the extent that I thought I would be blamed even if the neighbours dog died.The slaps continued. I left the home. Returned back on my mothers insistence who didn't know about the abuse and thought I will and should make the marriage work. And now, my husband openly warned me the first time he hit after my leaving home - What will you do? Call the police? Try and you will know!Such arrogance for having the right connections, a fair voice and lots of money. I had neither money, nor the connections nor voice and support of my uncles after my fathers death.So here, I start recording the abuse. And that is what all I had when I left his home finally to prove my innocence.And this husband I so dearly loved, whose words melted me and made me forget all the shit that was happening, used to tell me - I am his biggest mistake and the source of his misery.Today, this same husband says he never slapped me off his own. I instigated him and then enjoyed being slapped. I enjoyed his verbal abuses and did things deliberately to set him off.I tried communicating asking him to feel my misery. To see the pain I went through. To see the fear it instilled in me that I get shaken up by the slightest noise. It was and still is an act for him and his family.Some people advised me to go legal. To file for Domestic Violence. To get my rightful share of money and property or at least what my dear mother spent on the wedding.I’ve never had the courage to do that. There were sad lies being said about me, which quietened knowing I have him on record abusing me.And through this all, I am left nowhere. Now a 32 year old, with not a job in hand though exceptionally bright, zero confidence, a single mother supporting me and a bag full of regrets. I lost all our college friends for they were really his friends first. I lost myself in this.Today, I am a girl who no longer wants to meet my relatives for their gapes and sighs as soon as I turn, for the questions in their eyes. I don't want to step out where I was born and brought up for the questions people ask.I try to be a happy independent girl who likes to travel. But I know the cost of that smile everyone compliments me about. I am often lonely yet smile wishing the loneliness away.People who know my story say I am strong. And in my heart I wish I never had to be strong. I was happier being a simple weak girl who had love and care. No matter how many people care for me, I still find myself alone.They say they find hope and strength in me. I say, where do I go looking for hope for myself. I so wish I had a magic wand at times to just disappear and not have to go through the daily motions of life. And I wave the thought across with that smile.At times, I find myself thinking of ways to disappear. I find myself fantasising about running away, and how it would mean an end to most of my troubles. Those are the sad days. But then comes the sun, with its rays of hope and life full of dreams.And life moves on.Edit 1: I forgot to mention why its a 70% of no regret.This marriage made me who I am today. It tested my limits, and I emerged stronger, disciplined and positive in a way that was unimaginable.This marriage made me realise that I am capable of a lot more than a 9–5 corporate job. Today I am looking at public policy as a career option. I am looking at finding a solution to impact lives of 100s and eventually 1000s of children in small Indian towns and villages.I am a determined person today. All due to him. It is difficult to believe in myself often, yet I do know somewhere that I am a person capable of helping improve lives of people, not just my own.Due to him, I realised the hollowness of relationships. The marriage weeded out hollow friendships. The marriage added value to life, and made me see the facade of materialism we build around ourselves, protecting us from discomforting questions and actions.I have been depressed, yet always find the power to fight it within. Running away was never an option, and it is not now.I am going to make my life count.Edit 3 - (20 May 2020)I have filed a case against him in court.Its been a year now, yet there has been nothing apart from 5 hearings where I had to be present in every single one of those, and apparently this is going to take 4–5 years. There has been no order for even monthly maintenance due to false blame by them that I am already working and earning good amount of water. this blame lead to the order being passed by the judge to file an income affidavit again in the next hearing which is again 2 months gone. Thanks to corona, the courts are closed and there will be no respite for the next few months.I have truly understood the meaning of “tareekh par tareekh par tareekh” and how difficult it is to get justice in India.To make matters worse, he filed a separate divorce petition in another court after receiving the DV summons, leading to me answering court dates in not one but two different courts for matters which are associated. In the divorce case, the matter was sent for arbitration, where a poorly paid old woman with no sense of how to talk told me:karle compromise jitney de raha hai usme. Koi nahi milta paisa baad mein and kaat ti rehang fir court ke chakkar. Ma bhi kab tak support karegi tab tak!This is the status of Indian judiciary, and support to women from the women sitting for mediation in our courts for protecting the women. India can develop as much as it wants, but even a century maybe less to change the above mindset as well as ensure that justice is delivered without further torturing the women.Edit 2 -I have returned to this post after a long gap, and cannot thank you all for the caring messages you have showered me with.Heres a quick update on how things stand for me today -It’s been exactly three years since I moved out of the marriage, and a year since I moved out of my mothers place. She has been my pillar of strength and I am staying in a rented accommodation in my bid to challenge myself, to pay for my own expenses, and make a life of my own, away from the prying eyes of society and start afresh.I have filed a case of domestic violence against him though there has been nothing apart from judicial delay in the last 6 months. In response, he slammed a case of divorce against me which was 100% fabricated based on lies about my neglect o fan his parents and duties as a wife with an expected no mention of my own emotional turmoil.Also, I recently qualified NET in management, and would be applying to colleges in Delhi and Jaipur for the position of Associate Professor. However, most colleges demand atleast a phd for recruitment which I don’t have, nor do I have the next 3 years to do a phd and then apply.(If anyone of you is reading this, and can assist me with finding myself a job as a professor in management - finance or operations - in Delhi, Jaipur or nearby cities, pls leave a comment with the college you could refer me to.)Anyways, now you must be wondering that how am I supporting myself then! I also started working freelance for content creation and other allied jobs in a coaching institute in Delhi. It is not very remunerative but is a stepping stone in my career. I’m waiting results for few govt post exams I wrote across few North Indian states and should know what path my career takes by June this year. The exams are amongst the toughest in the country and if cleared, will be an answer to the numerous questions we women have to answer when we decide to walk out of our marriage.I have taken cognisance of things around me, bounced back with my biggest smile and am happier than I have been in the last decade. It does feel sad and lonely at times, but that is inevitable. Today, I’m surrounded by few but very meaningful friends whom I believe I can cherish for life.Also, it has been therapeutic to be able to talk about this in my own personal space and life as well. I have been questioned by few friends out of care and concern that why do I tell openly that I’m separated. My response to them and to everyone out there is -If I don’t accept my social status as a separated/divorced women, how can I expect it to not be a taboo in our society. First step would be to not make it a taboo in our own minds. In fact, the way married women wear red sindoor and mangalsutra reflecting their married status, In the near future I wouldn’t mind wearing a name tag stating my name followed by “Separated/soon-to-be-divorced”.Now to answer few of the comments -Some people seem to have mistaken that I have a child. I was wise enough to not plan a family, though I longingly wonder if I’ll ever be able to have a child of my own now.He was a Sikh, for the Sikh gentleman enquiring about this. However, this is of zero significance and I don’t blame him or his religion as the source of his behaviour.Some of you have questioned that why did I post anonymously. I can only hope that you understand that it took courage to put this on a public platform and My intention is not to malign him, but to put my story out there for other women suffering in silence. To provide hope, for a want of a better word.Few of you think that I’m weak and not strong, and trust me I agree with you. I have myself questioned the ideas of strong and weak. Also, it is one thing to feel a persons journey through their words, and absolutely another to actually live through it every single day.Thank you for recommending a book in the comments. I’ll definitely get a copy of the same at the earliest. Also, I myself read a book and found it very insightful. Every single page was resonating with me and helped me understand that the problem was not me and helped quicken the healing and acceptance. For those finding thmselves or their friends in similar circumstances, do give this well-researched book a try. It’s link is — Why Does He Do That?For the gentleman complimenting on my writing and proposing that I take up writing as a career, trust me this thought has crossed my mind several times. I have zero idea on how to start and where to start. I don’t have a degree in writing and unfortunately, the only way to make a career in India is to either have a degree or the right contacts. Pls if anyone can help me with writing as a career, it’ll be a great service to me. (I am in desperate need for a remunerative job and any and all help is welcome.)

Hello !My situation was very similar to yours. I completed my Btech in 2014 and had no idea what to do with my career.1st year : I wasted the whole first year by applying in job portals, enjoying with friends & day dreaming about my success which would come in future.2nd year : Iwasted my time in consultancies and attending BPO sector jobs, References, Recommendations,but nothing worked. But this year should not be treated as wasted why because I understood what is the value of Job, money, family, friends, Success and eventually life.3rd Year : I started preparing for government jobs, without thinking where my passion lies. I used to apply whatever notification comes out. Came very close to a few exams and missed narrowly by 0.25 marks. I lost many opportunities due to the so called bad luck.But at the end of this year I eventually understood my interest is not in this field. So I gave few entrances to universities for higher education where I guessed my passion would be.Nobody has encouraged me for higher education, they said this is not the right age to study.Finally ! I got a seat in a reputed college . The aptitude skills that I've learnt during my government job preparation fetched me a seat. I didn't know how to react for my first success in my life which came after a lot of failures.I didn't find any support from my family to join the college, but they were neutral. I took an education loan and proceeded for admission. They have given admission date after 6 months from the result. This gave ample time to discover myself and to enjoy the life which I didn't from past few years because of the job pressure.4th year : I started learning new skills like digital marketing which interested me for a while. Then joined the college in mid of that year. The placements was like a roller coaster ride to me. Out & then In, for shortlisting itself. Written test went well , again my aptitude skills and some copying techniques worked well and in for interview.All the people who went before me came out smiling saying interviewers are so good. When I went in suddenly tables turned they started opposing whatever I say. They are very concerned about the 3 years Gap in my education. But I didn't put any fake certificates and answered everything honestly. The skill that I had learnt during my enjoyment time DIGITAL MARKETING was the game changer. They were impressed. And eventually this landed me into my dream company and for many too.I stopped answering in Quora many days back, but this particular question made me again get into this.We don't know when the success comes and how it comes. Even though I was losing year by year deep inside I had a feeling that one day I will be successful. By the end of the third year after I lost many opportunities narrowly ,there was a point of time I thought my dreams got shattered , I faked the confidence & arrogance just for my self defense. At this point SUCCESS came , it was unexpected but was sweet.5th Year : After getting to my dream company I started hating it for n number of reasons. But my daily motivation is MANY PEOPLE ARE STILL DREAMING FOR THIS COMPANY. Now because I'm IN, again I'm dreaming for next success. This waiting for success is never ending !I don't know this answer would help you or not. Your question really touched my heart. So Im here with my successfully un scuccessful story. Stay motivated!!!

At first I was worried. I went to a very traditional, private university, and almost all my classmates were 18. I thought I might be seen as someone who had been held back a few grades in high school. I also worried I might miss out on some of the social stuff.I quickly realized that:Yes, I did not entirely fit inNo, I didn’t care much at allI’d already done all that 18 year old stuff when I was 18. I really didn’t care to repeat my “first beer”, “first kegger”, or “first drunken party” experiences. In fact, I avoided all that with a passion. Who needs to sit through a boring lecture with a pounding head?The next thing I realized was that I wasn’t as timid as my classmates. If I didn’t understand something, I asked the professor right there in class.This natural maturity (I was 23 when I started college) also meant that I didn’t stay out late, started my projects when they were assigned, rarely missed class, always treated my professors with due respect, and kept a healthy eating, sleeping, and exercise lifestyle. However, though it was annoying, I was also pretty patient with my drunken classmates as they returned to the dorm late at night hooting and hollering (yeah, I went to a Baptist school…) I didn’t relish waking up at 2:00 AM to hear how drunk someone thought they felt. On the other hand, I’d been there and done that myself back in the day, and I was well familiar with the judicious use of ear plugs.I also found my military experience very useful in class. This came as quite a surprise to me. I’d picked Armor Branch because the picture of the tank blowing through a mud hole looked really bad-ass. At 18, I didn’t consider job training very important. I figured I’d get all that when I went to college anyway. Much to my surprise, all the military stuff I’d learned about S-1, S-2, S-3, S-4, and S-5 as well as how to communicate operational plans had its civilian equivalents: human resources, business intelligence, operations, purchasing, and public relations. All those questions I’d asked as a private really paid off. As a result, as a business student, I found I could interpret business cases presented in class through my “military filter” and spot strengths and weaknesses, opportunities and threats. The upshot is, I could ask really insightful questions and my class participation grades were always 100%. My professors liked me! And yeah, that was a very new experience for me.A couple of other notes.I’d avoided serious relationships while in the military because I knew I was heading to college and didn’t see how I could make marriage and school work. I was wrong. Marry the right person, and they can be your partner in education just as well as in military life. Luckily, I don’t think I met “Ms. Right” during my Army years anyway, so I don’t have any regrets there.I’m a bit shy with dating anyway, so combine that with my age, experience, etc., and dating was pretty challenging during my first year. But that was probably just me. A less old-fashioned school with more students and more non-traditional students might have led to a different experience (or not).Lastly, while my peers were “interested” in the fact that I was in the military, only fellow veterans could relate. Most students would tick off a little box in their head that read: “veteran” and their eyes glazed over after that. It’s not that they didn’t care. It’s that they didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. So don’t expect to be the big-man-on-campus (BMoC) based on your prior service. It ain’t happening. It’s what you do then and there in college that matters. The good news is that with your age and experience, you probably have a lot more potential than your classmates. For example: I beat out several seniors and got a high level internship after my first year. Very cool!Would I do it again if I knew then what I know now? Yes. I personally wasn’t ready for college after high school, and I didn’t have the money anyway. If I could change anything, it *might* have been whether or not to stay in until retirement. I’m still on the fence about that. I accomplished all my goals as a civilian, but I miss the *service* aspect of my military career.What would I recommend to an 18 year old now?Consider applying to one of the military academies. Your service time would end around the same year as the military-then-college path, and you would have gotten a free education and better pay. Alternatively, consider applying for a ROTC scholarship and joining the Reserves at the same time. You’ll get reserve pay at a higher rank as well as the scholarship and a commission upon graduation. And again, your obligation would end around the same time as the military-first approach.But if you’re like me (I struggled in high school and needed some time to cool my heels a bit), then the enlisted-first route was pretty darn cool. I got to live in Europe for a few years and crash my tank through a heck of a lot of mud puddles.